Episode 2: Meet Dad/Giving Back

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People assume that revolutions are a good thing.

The REALITY is that nothing is more inconvenient than change, and if you think Americans want to be inconvenienced, well, you must be Darren Reese, the once and future king of a barren wasteland. No, not America. I'm talking about his career.

I know about you, Weldon. Former rising star, the guy who used to singlehandedly defeat tag teams, and the self-proclaimed Chad Gorilla of APW.

Now look at you. You got sent to the third show despite all the aforementioned credentials. No one cares about the current you, so you just get randomly thrown in tag matches week after week so that the guys like me can be featured on television by scoring a win over "the former Tag Team champion".

Worst of all, you can't even muster the gumption to preach your own sermon. Yeah, yeah, "you've changed". I'm not buying it. The truth is that you already underwent your "revolution". This broken, destitute rendition of Terrence Peters is what happens after a revolution.

You wanted a new world? Well, welcome to reality, somewhere you've clearly never been before. In this place, you don't succeed, and the only mountain you can climb is the one in the middle of Ellis Island.




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("For The Love of Money" by the O'Jays lines the auditory background of a panoramic shot of a giant office building. The word "Regus" proudly rests at the top corner. The scene cuts to inside, a building directory:

6th floor - Casting/Planning Headquarters - "Undisputed Love"
5th floor - Money Graham Funds
4th floor - CBS Business Network

An older man's voice assumes Ellis's standard position in the voiceover.)

Machiavelli...Tzu...Trump...I've always felt that part of the problem with the modern entrepreneur is that they stay inside the box by reading the same "inspirational books" by the same authors with the same ideas. Business is about finding profit no matter where you look, and that starts with finding inspiration in the places where others don't even have places.

(The scene cuts to, presumably, the previously speaking middle-aged businessman at his desk.



The scene freezes as a graphic enters from the right:

Gordon Graham[/u]
Owner - Money Graham Funds
CEO - CBS Business Network
Chairman - Money Graham Studios
Minority Owner - Houston Comets
President - University of Houston-Clear Lake Boosters Association
Father of "The Real Deal" Ellis Graham

The voiceover is replaced by him actually speaking on camera as he holds up a book.)

THIS is my inspiration.

(The book?



Gordon looks down at it fondly.)

Yes sir, I knew from a very young age two things that carried me to where I am:

1) That I wanted to be the king of all that I see.

2) Stay healthy. All it takes is one sneeze to undo all you've accomplished.

And, of course, like every proud father, I want to pass that kingdom on to my son, Ellis.[/color]

(Gordon puts the book down and appears to go back to working. Ellis's voiceover returns.)

It was one thing to set up wrestling lessons. It was another entirely to announce to my father that I would follow my dreams instead of his footsteps. This wasn't gonna be easy.

(A knock is heard, but before Gordon can even look up, the door is opening and Ellis walks through and sits down in front of his father.)

Hello, Ellis. What can I do for you?

Well, Dad...I'm just gonna come out and say it. You know that reality show you got started that would chronicle my life as I was groomed to take over this company?

Of course I do. Awesome, right?

Oh yeah. Definitely awesome. But...well, I decided to go in a different direction with the show.

What do you mean?

Dad...I've decided to be a wrestler. I've reached an agreement with Action Packed Wrestling, the most-watched company in the industry.

(Gordon removes his glasses and rubs his eyes.)

Son...are you sure you think this is best?

Dad, come on! I'm a Graham! I can do whatever I want!

(Gordon smiles.)

Well, I guess that's true.

So, you're okay with it?

Ellis, you're my son. I'd support you even if you told me you were voting Democrat!

Okay, slow down, Dad! I'm just talking pro wrestling not imploding America. But...thanks for supporting me.

No problem, son. So can you stay for lunch?

Actually, I got a flight to South America to catch up with APW's tour through there.

(As Ellis and Gordon stand and bro-hug over the desk, Gordon's voiceover hijacks the audio.)

Truth be told, I was thrilled that he chose against signing on with Money Graham. The kid wouldn't last a week in my shoes. But that's the point of being a father. You do what you have to do to make a better life for your son.

Plus there's this Asian kid that'll be a great CEO once I kick the bucket.






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People assume that every time a wrestling match takes place that the sides are even and there's no intended winner.

The REALITY is that there are wrestlers in this industry who's job is to lose. One such professional loser has been thrown into this six-man tag team match: the former cop known as Denzel Jones.

Listen, Montel. No one likes to hear the ugly truth that their purpose in life is to be less capable than your opponent, just like you didn't like to hear that you sucked as a cop and were getting fired. Oh, right. You quit because you wanted a less dangerous job...so you became a guy who gets in fist fights until someone is borderline unconscious or gets their back and limbs broken in a submission hold. So you are either a liar, or you are a complete idiot.

Then again, you think you have a future here so I guess it's the latter.

Look, Darnell, the proof is in the pudding. Who do you face this week? First off, you're against Buddy Deadsea, one of the biggest names on Meltdown. Second, you are opposite The Trust, APW's newest tag team comprised of THE MOST TALKED ABOUT rookie in the sport, "The Real Deal" Ellis Graham, and Overdrive's next draft pick, "The Scottish Sensation" Evan McDonald.

The three of us are going places, and President Sierra knows well enough to know that the right thing to do is for us to get a big win next Monday night. She can't cheat, and technically anybody can beat anybody, but what she CAN do is put her big three against the worst possible opposing team to make it almost impossible for us to lose.

She probably had to put Rob Spindle because of his beef with Benny, but no biggie. Then, smart girl she is, throw in Waldo Pete as an overrated nobody for a bonus to credibility. Finally, the coup de grace, they try to go Mister Delirious, but I guess they needed him for one of the other shows, so President Vienna goes with the OTHER talentless loser on the roster: Donatello Malone.

Oh you think I'm full of it? Take a look at the proof. We all know that, for all the potential I've demonstrated, President Selena's favorite Meltdown Megastar right now is Rebecca Wood. If it was up to her, Rwanda would be the North American champ and the face of Meltdown. However, before Ms. Goode can be the champ, she technically has to earn the right to challenge for the title, hence her cakewalk match with Michelle Jensen this week, and before that, she needs to have a strong victory to show off her worthiness for the contendership. So she needed an easy cupcake win last week. Man, who'd she face? Oh right! You, Chanel! So, at least according to President Sauna, when someone needs an opponent that you can count on them beating, they come looking for you.

But, hey, all you care about is feeding your kids, right? I'm sure you still get a nice paycheck after spending the night flat on your back. So when you grab that Five-Dollar Footlong for your children to split, I hope you think of me, and think about how your job on Monday night is to make others look good.

At least this week, your job is easy.




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(A private jet lands on a small airstrip. Cut to a large "Welcome to South America!" sign. Back to the jet where Ellis Graham is walking down the exit stairs. Cue his voiceover.)

I've always insisted on traveling in style. Private jets, limousines, the works.

Of course, the most important tip I can give about luxurious travel is to take advantage of your personal choice...and avoid poor places.

(Ellis enters into a limo that appears to be at least fifteen years old and in mediocre condition.)

But, now that I'm living the life of a regular employee, I don't have personal choice, and I'm stuck traveling through South America.

That's right, fans of APW. My quest for the North American Championship...has brought me to an area geographically outside of what would be my championship jurisdiction.

(Ellis' limo pulls into what is clearly an impoverished South American town.)

So the APW President, Bartholomew H. Jeff VI, is always about giving back. He gives back to the TV companies by featuring me weekly, driving up ratings and increasing the cost of advertising for the network. He gives back to the lesser promotions by letting their miserable talent compete in his Survive and Conquer mega-event.

And, he also gives back to the less fortunate. Turns out he's one of those hippies that think that just because you're born in a pitiful country like Argentina, you deserve an "aw, shucks" handout.

But...it's apparently in my contract to participate today. Yes will pay for this.

(Quick cut back to Ellis Manor. Crickets chirp in the background as various cuts through the house show it's empty.

Finally, a cut to one of the training rooms. In a far corner, Yes is sitting on a stool facing into the corner. Above him in a sign saying "Yes's Timeout Corner". The scene holds for a few seconds, long enough for the watcher to wonder just how long he has and will sit there. The intern life, am I right?

Cut back to a very shoddily constructed stage in the poor town. A crowd of people stand around at the stage. An Argentine man stands on the stage and calls for the crowd's attention.)

"Señoras y señores, de acción de lucha lleno, el auténtico, Ellis Graham!"

(Ellis Graham walks out onto the stage as an old stereo barely spits out the Real Deal Theme. The crowd applauds, clearly having no idea who this man but a sense that he's important.)

I had a nice, long promo prepared, but alas...

(Though you can't hear due to the voiceover claiming the audio, you can see Ellis speaking, shots of which alternating with shots of a confused crowd member.)

...this town wasn't only poor, but that didn't speak English. Luckily, "The Real Deal" knows how to improvise.

(The audio goes back to the scene just in time to hear Ellis whisper to a security guard "Get the BLEEP out of the trunk." Ellis turns back and smiles at the crowd. A moment later, the guard returns with two large cases, which he sets down behind Ellis Graham. He then speaks while the guard opens the lid on each case.)

El ladies-o and el guys-o! I hav-o el valuablo signed photos!

(The guard begins handing out the contents of the first case: an autographed photo of Ellis Graham.)

Worth...mas dinero...on el eBay!

(The crowd continues to look totally lost as to what to make of this man, this visit, and this photograph of him they just received.)

Also para y'all...I am...um...el filmo uno reality show for el TV-o.

(The contents of the second case? Pamphlets with preorder codes for the DVD set of "Season 1: Real Wrestling Starring Ellis Graham")

Just take this paper-o to el computadora and type in el code-o for you free copy of my TV show!

Come watch me at El Meltdown-o! Gracias!

(Ellis waves out at the crowd, even blowing kisses, all in true politician fashion. The man who introduced him onto the stage nervously begins clapping boisterously and repeating "ELLIS GRAHAM!" to get the crowd to applaud. As Ellis begins walking back to his limousine, his voiceover returns while sappy music resounds in the background.)

That was my weekend before Meltdown. I traveled from village to village handing out autographed portraits and free pre-order copies of my upcoming DVD. A little eBay here and a little Amazon there and these guys have well over $100 worth of free stuff as my token of appreciation to them. I'd say over the weekend we gave away 10,000 pre-order pamphlets and photos.

That's right. This weekend, I gave a million dollars to less fortunate people in Argentina.

Your move, Bill Gates.






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People assume that when a guy is a supporting element instead of the main star, that that's his cue to stick to the shadows.

The REALITY is that stealing the show is EXACTLY how you become a star.

James Harden stole the show in Oklahoma City and is now considered by everyone in the basketball world as the second-best player in NBA history, number one OF COURSE being Hakeem Olajuwon. That's what I'm looking at in this match.

I know that a lot of people are focusing on Willy Pips versus Ron Reed, but that doesn't mean I can't come out there and do the one thing I do best: make the match about me.

And Evan. Me and Evan. Go Trust!

Anyway, Ross, I'd like to address the OTHER reason you are in this match. I believe the appropriate vernacular is "spot monkey". Now, I'm not going to pretend to know what that means - such would require me to give a damn about you - but Yes tells me that the rub on you is that you can't win a match because you can't wrestle your way out of a paper bag. However, you've had some Cirque De Soleil training back in the day so you can do some cute twisty crap. Great. So do me a favor and do your twisty thing early so the actual wrestlers can go out there and do what you can't.

The beautiful truth is that you three, Rod, Manziel, and Allen, are just lambs to the slaughter.

...and...Trust me...THAT'S what's real!