Post by Shadow on Mar 6, 2013 21:44:50 GMT -4
Today’s scene opens in what appears to be a church. It's not though, just a community center. The interior shape of the room looks like a cheap simple church though. There is a small raised carpeted platform in front of a brick wall that is inlayed with two tall windows. More importantly there is a wooden podium on that platform. From off camera, stage left Shadow appears. He is wearing a black suit with a silver and grey tie. His long hair is pulled back into a ponytail which is tucked into the back of his suit. In the big man's right hand is a couple sheets of notebook paper. Shadow reaches the podium; his brilliant blue eyes look out across the community center. He takes a second then lowers his head and speaks.
"The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds. The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desires of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. The Lord keeps all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord and all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever."
Shadow raises his eyes again. He takes a deep breath and begins the service.
"Today, we are gathered to say farewell to a powerful person. He was a forerunner in faction building, a superior superstar, a true wrestling chieftain: Level One."
The camera pans to the right just a little to reveal a big portrait. It's surrounded by a wreath of flowers. This is a slightly different than the standard portrait that is erected at most funerals to display the dearly departed.
"Level One was a harbinger of hatred and many people did not like him. While I am one of those people, today I shall remain unbiased for the benefit of the service. It is also known that Level One knew not how to manage his money properly. Due to his asshole-ish attitude his life insurance provider decided to cancel his plan without notifying him. And that is why, after all the time he spent as an Experts Megastar, he had to continuously wrestle well past his prime. Even today Level One, also known to the world as Lester Only was only worth the money we could spend on this 'luxurious' coffin."
The camera pans a little more to the right now showing a barebones slate crate with the words "HOME DEPOT" burned into the wood. Inside the slates is something covered in bubble wrap.
"Lester Only had no one. He had no family that claimed him, no one friends that cared for him, Hell because of his stance on religion and downright self-righteous psyche no preacher would even perform this service. That’s why I volunteered."
Shadow wipes a faux tear from his eye.
"It seemed like the only thing I could do for the poor bastard seeing as I was one of the last people to see the som-bitch alive."
Shadow motions to the "coffin." His eyes remain toward the community center. He turns the first sheet of paper over.
"Lester, you were a man of many talents, bringing joy to others and being an exemplary human being was not one of them. In the truest sense, you were an asshole, sir. Yes it is with a heavy heart that I must affirm: never again will the world be 'blessed' with a sphincter quite like you."
The big man closes his hand into a fist and speaks passionately. From the tone in his voice, one can tell Shadow is speaking from personal experience.
"You shit on everyone, anyone and all. It didn't matter if they were associates, business partners, enemies or just little old ladies trying to hail a cab on Christmas Eve, you always found a way to screw someone. And you were greedy, sir. Your greed knew no bounds. If there was a fat chick standing across a lake of stomach acid with a rolled up Confederate dollar between her bunions you'd dive head first into that bile just to get to her and that money."
Shadow goes to the next page.
"Yes, Lester, you did have many talents. How you lived this long without being beaten to death in the street by a mob of Caucasian Deep South Klansmen children is beside me. Yes, you were impressive. Unfortunately just like all stars, you finally burned out. But you went out in a blaze of glory at Rasslemania IX, ended by Biggs. Still, I can't rightfully give him all the credit for ridding us of your slack jawed Mexican Canadian (which seems pretty asinine) kiester. No, most of that credit goes to moi."
He motions to himself.
"But I am not the man of the hour. No, I am just a humble eulogist, here to speak praise for our fallen Fascist dick of a dictator, Level One; a man who loved to see the look of despair on a person's face when all their hopes and dreams were crushed before their very eyes. Yes that was to him what the sound of a baby's laughter is to us normal, good spirited, humane Homo sapiens."
He flips this page over and keeps reading.
"Sick ass monsters like Level One are the reason people have lost faith in humanity. But today that faith can be restored. Canada, I promise that today you are forgiven for producing people like Bryan Adams and Justin Bieber. As long as the Canadian Government apologizes for Lester Only from here on out."
Shadow steps off the podium, leaving the papers and taking the microphone with him. He approaches the "coffin."
"Lester, if you had only been born with a heart perhaps all this could have been avoided. Perhaps there would actually be people here to see you off rather than a room full of empty chairs."
The camera pans now to show the community center. Several of the steel chairs are reserved for family and friends but they are all vacant.
"I'm sure this reminds you of every other important moment in your life; birthdays graduation, the wedding, oops I mean, the divorce. You’d think the Lewinter Sisters might have actually came or maybe even you children but nope. When we made the call they sang praises of freedom. If only you gave a damn about somebody, anybody other than yourself, someone might have actually showed up to your wake. Dammit Why Lester why?"
Shadow slams a fist onto the top of the "coffin." He nearly brakes the board he hits.
"Well I guess it was too much to ask. But Lester as you, go, you leave us with a legacy. There are only few men in this world who have written their name in as many history books as you did. Granted they didn't just buy the books, cross out someone else's name and scribble theirs in, but that's not important. The important thing is that you sir are remembered with the dignity and respect you deserve."
The Usher of Darkness turns to face the "coffin." The camera suddenly pans to the empty funeral as a sound fills the air.
"Ahhhhhhhhh!"
The camera stays panned away for a minute. Then it cuts back to Shadow as he shifts and apparently zipps up. He turns back to the camera and raises the microphone again. He steps to the side and picks up a clay jug from behind the portrait. Shadow carries it in his left hand while he speaks into mic he holds with his right.
"Much better. I'm sure there are people out there wondering a few things about today's service. Like: why would I pray for Level One, he's a douche? No, while my opening prayer talks about the Lord and how He will aid the faithful and will hear those who truly fear Him. People should understand that Lester Only is not one of those people. His overzealous ego has made his ears deaf and his eyes blind. That prayer is for all the people Lester has wronged. The Lord has heard your prayers my friends. 'To all the wicked, He will destroy!' You all know who the wicked is and you can take comfort in the fact I was sent to liberate us from that lecherous Level One. Still, there is one other piece of scripture, Hollywood scripture in fact, that I would like to quote in regards to our dear departed Lester Only. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children."
Shadow raises the clay jug high, leans his head back, closes his eyes and begins to bellow into the mic.
"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
Shadow hurls the jug at the crate. It shatters in a explosion of liquid. Shadow smirks.
"Lester! I honestly hope that you are suffering in the afterlife you've so rightfully earned. And because I can do nothing more for your soul in this life the least I can do for your body is offer the world a glimpse of how you are spending the rest of eternity."
Shadow strikes his Zippo lighter on his hip. He smiles real big.
"Level One, this is your tour guide speaking: Welcome to Hell."
The Usher of Darkness tosses his lighter onto the 'coffin.' The fire erupt immediately. The camera angle cuts to the other side of the pyre. Shadow is seen through the lapping flames. Another camera angle shows Shadow's eyes, the inferno reflecting off his retinas. Shadow stares at the impromptu cremation.
"I'll see you soon."
Now listen up, aw hell you really don't care. It's quite a drop from the top let me send ya down there, cause it's the hard cold harsh reality, stuck in the ring with your enemy. Tell us all who you are! Mister big fucking mega-star!
How did you think this would end, after the way it began. Your time has come so run rabbit run. You want us all on our knees, while you ignore all their pleas. You live greed, but you'll get none from me. I’m the one in your way, don't give a damn what you'll say, Better pray cause I'll make you pay come Thursday.
You and your Sindicate just had to be on top, you started a war ole boy that you just cannot stop and the one black truth is that you must pay your toll, because the Usher has come to claim your soul. Go on and tell me what you'll do. All I hear are lies from you. So let me show you how it's going to be, Just you wait and see...
Okay. So my poetry isn't as sharp as some people. But it’s in my opinion better than those seriously honky-white boy lyrics you spun nearly a year back. Did you get the farm hand from Scary Movie 3 to help you come up with those lyrics? Don't quit your day job.
Oh Lester, how I've waited for this moment. That moment when I take every freaking word you've ran your mouth about in the past year and just stuff it down your freaking throat. Since I came back to Action Packed Wrestling, I've had the great opportunity to remain on the sidelines and just watch. I've paid very close attention to everything that’s gone down in APW, and you sir are at the core of it all.
I'm sure you're loving that too, to be the real antagonist, the real mastermind behind the curtain. Hell you've worked your whole life to be the big Billy bad ass of APW. Former Tag Champ, Two time True Expert, and Four time Undisputed Champion, there are tons of people all around the world just itching to have a repertoire like yours and yeah I'll admit, I'd love to have that resume too. You're probably the most infamous man in professional wrestling as well. And on Thursday night I FINALLY get to face you one on one.
Lester, I've had to listen to you toot your own horn and flap your freaking gums about how I'm just some puppet, a monkey and a pathetic joke for a whole damn year and let me tell you sir, I'm sick of it. All you ever have to say is the same damn thing too. "Shadow's half of the ass lickers anonymous." "I'm Level One, I'm a wrestling god!" "I plan to shut him the fuck up!" I bet you even plan to comment on my words for you too. Tell everyone how I'm an idiot for calling you a Mexi-Canadian. So you''re so proud you will boast about how you're All Canadian. No offense to my fans in Canada and Mexico, but that's not a real improvement genius.
But I'm still here and I'm still talking Lester. So what do you got? Come on and say something, cause just like your wife and that child support payment, I'm waiting you son of a bitch.
You sir seem to have me confused with some rainbow haired, high flying, freak show. We have never really went head to head Lester. We've only met in tag matches. You've fought and beat Slade plenty of times, sure. Good for you so has 90% of the rest of the roster. Me on the other hand, I've kicked the shit out of that 90%. Do us all a favor and open your ears for ten damn seconds. I ain't Slade Craven. I'm you're bete noir bitch.
You know what I find particularly piquant right now, Lester? Knowing that you still have to either pay people to listen to you or develop a bunch of split personalities because no one wants to talk to your sorry ass. Me I'm a loner because I choose to be. However because of your deep seated insecurities stemming from absent parental figures feel the need to surround yourself with dubious dames and other unethical friends who enable all your bad habits. You need therapy you know that? Maybe they can help you relate to your issues.
But we all have issues even me. Right now mine is you. I like to connect this to climbing a mountain. When I showed up in APW I played second fiddle to my tag partner and he tried some cock-a-meme scheme to bounce us straight to the top. As suspected, he caused it to crash and burn, then I up and decided to forge my own path. Started at the bottom, opening up Meltdown's for a few weeks and clawed my way through the rooks to a shot at Shockwave for the Xteme title. Took it and passed it on because I didn't want it. Fast forward a few months, I end up on Overdrive. Again I’m starting right at the bottom, That's right Kurt I said it. But I've pulled myself up and after one calendar year here I stand at the top of the mountain.
And standing across from me is you. That goofy grin plastered across your face because you probably got some big plan to underhand yourself another damn win. Lester, I took a moment to congratulate you on all your accomplishments, which was more time than you deserved. Because the truth is Lester you're a bigger fraud than any Congressional windbag in power today.
You're nothing more than a schemer, a coward who refuses to tackle his opponents head on. It makes me sick. Now I don't credit myself with an over abundance of brains, I'm not prideful, but I'm smart enough to understand your actions. Hell, if I was as big a pussy as you are, I would sucker punch and steal every victory I could too. Lucky for me I was born with a set of testicles.
I almost pity you Lester, almost being the key word there. Having to stand in the ring with a real man, someone who works hard and won't have to buy this damn company in seven years just to stay in it. Sindicate Packed Wrestling what a fucking joke. Like I would actually work for some second rate shitstar like you.
Sure, you can say I'm being a bit harsh. But I'm only doing what you've done your entire career. All you do is belittle the competition you freaking midget, regardless of how great they are. You have no respect for anybody or their achievements, all you care about is yourself. You'd sell out your own pack of prostitutes if it meant you could win this match Thursday night.
In your eyes, is that what it takes to claw your way to the top, Lester? You're more pathetic than that crap jockstrap Lance Stone you got to impersonate me on that late night low budget infomercial you called a promo a few weeks back. Like I said on Overdrive, you must really have a team of mentally challenged monkeys writing you material before you step in front of the camera. Yeah they sit back and watch us hard working Megastars bust our asses week in and week out then they up and pull a Weird Al Yankovich for ya right before the show starts. Jeez Jay Leno One I'd hoped you were above all that.
But you're like Christopher Columbus you know? Claiming you discovered America when there were already people here. I know your arrival story, you showed up in APW like you were the hottest shit around and then started claiming you made the company. Think again numb nuts. The people made this place what it is. Five years running APW has been the premier wrestling federation and they do NOT owe it all to Level One. No they owe it to people like Twister, John Green, and most importantly President Jeff.
Get off your freaking high horse Lester, you don't matter anymore. You show up on Overdrive every few weeks and get tossed a match because of Jeff still uses your name to attract attention. I'd rather be a new name on the rise (again) than be some played out half ass over the hill hate mongering hack like you. I hope that everyday you get down on your knees, crawl under Jeff's desk, swallow some "pride" and thank God you still have a job here. I remember you trying out to be a teacher and comedian and crap star. Good lord you it's a wonder they didn't arrest your pedophile ass when you set foot in the elementary school grounds.
You know what's an even bigger wonder? How the hell President Jeff can actually mute the sea of boos when he has to stroke your limp less than average vanity by playing a cheer track Welcome Back Kotter you contemptuous, disdainful, egotistic, high-handed, insolent, ostentatious, overbearing, pompous, pretentious, self-important, smug son of a bitch?
Come Thursday night I'm done playing games, I'm done waiting for Level One versus Shadow, I am straight done with you. I couldn't ask for a better finish to my calendar year here. Come on, proving you wrong in every way shape in form? Let's see I didn't turn tail and run, I haven't been the big bitch you've claimed I am and I sure as shit didn't up and marry my former tag partner. You still calling Miss Cleo for help Lester? I bet she told you that you're going to win Thursday night too huh numb nuts? Guess what, I've worked my ass off for a full year here and I will crown my time in APW with a penultimate victory over you.
Then what will you have to say about it? Come on, you can't ever accept defeat gracefully. It's always someone else's fault. God forbid Level One screws up, just like he did against Pence Weatherlight and Sally Talford. Oh yeah I can hear it now: "Shadow couldn't have done it without Biggs' help." "Man, if Biggs hadn't been there to save Shadow's rear I would have had him" piss off Lester. I don't need Biggs to beat your ass. He's just there to keep things fair. I know I know; to you, the word fair immediately puts you at a disadvantage. You haven't been in a fair fight since well, never?
And what do you care if Biggs is officiating this match? I thought the great Level One didn't worry about anything. Pansy. I sure as hell ain't sweating it. Biggs and I have had our difficulties in the past, but that’s exactly where it should stay. On the other hand Lester, you seem to have life on backwards. When I kick you in the face tonight, I'll make sure that it spins around so that your past is behind you.
I say that because I heard the torrent of trash talk while I was on Meltdown. Not about how people are here to make APW theirs, you already did that, congrat-u-freaking-lations. No everyone's vomited up the same thing, talking trash the AKA, spewing stories on how I rode Slade's coattails right into the Hall of Fame, wake up sunshine. Slade is only here BECAUSE of ME. I led that feud against the Axis, and I have actually won championships. What has Slade done; lose to you a bunch of times, get his ass kicked by everybody and never win any gold in APW. Big freaking difference dumb ass.
You're too concerned with the past Lester, you need to be worried about your future. Trust me it ain't pretty. I've seen the end to your story son, Hell I play a big part in it. It starts tonight. The final Overdrive before Rasslemania will be the beginning of your end. When I returned to APW last year at Rasslemania you looked like a bitch, time for history to repeat itself Lester.
I hope you're ready, I hope you have some bad ass plan to try and turn this thing around. I want you to try something. I want you to get your hopes up and think that tonight you'll "Shut Shadow up." Because I will have front row seating to that look on your face when it all comes crashing down, when you come crashing down tonight Level One. Tonight it's not about titles, or past vengeance. It isn't about letting anarchy reign over that stable of whores you call the Sindicate. It's about me ending you. Accept it Lester and I will make sure it's quick. Just too bad for you I plan to ensure that it's as painful as possible.[/color]
"The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds. The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desires of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. The Lord keeps all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord and all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever."
Shadow raises his eyes again. He takes a deep breath and begins the service.
"Today, we are gathered to say farewell to a powerful person. He was a forerunner in faction building, a superior superstar, a true wrestling chieftain: Level One."
The camera pans to the right just a little to reveal a big portrait. It's surrounded by a wreath of flowers. This is a slightly different than the standard portrait that is erected at most funerals to display the dearly departed.
"Level One was a harbinger of hatred and many people did not like him. While I am one of those people, today I shall remain unbiased for the benefit of the service. It is also known that Level One knew not how to manage his money properly. Due to his asshole-ish attitude his life insurance provider decided to cancel his plan without notifying him. And that is why, after all the time he spent as an Experts Megastar, he had to continuously wrestle well past his prime. Even today Level One, also known to the world as Lester Only was only worth the money we could spend on this 'luxurious' coffin."
The camera pans a little more to the right now showing a barebones slate crate with the words "HOME DEPOT" burned into the wood. Inside the slates is something covered in bubble wrap.
"Lester Only had no one. He had no family that claimed him, no one friends that cared for him, Hell because of his stance on religion and downright self-righteous psyche no preacher would even perform this service. That’s why I volunteered."
Shadow wipes a faux tear from his eye.
"It seemed like the only thing I could do for the poor bastard seeing as I was one of the last people to see the som-bitch alive."
Shadow motions to the "coffin." His eyes remain toward the community center. He turns the first sheet of paper over.
"Lester, you were a man of many talents, bringing joy to others and being an exemplary human being was not one of them. In the truest sense, you were an asshole, sir. Yes it is with a heavy heart that I must affirm: never again will the world be 'blessed' with a sphincter quite like you."
The big man closes his hand into a fist and speaks passionately. From the tone in his voice, one can tell Shadow is speaking from personal experience.
"You shit on everyone, anyone and all. It didn't matter if they were associates, business partners, enemies or just little old ladies trying to hail a cab on Christmas Eve, you always found a way to screw someone. And you were greedy, sir. Your greed knew no bounds. If there was a fat chick standing across a lake of stomach acid with a rolled up Confederate dollar between her bunions you'd dive head first into that bile just to get to her and that money."
Shadow goes to the next page.
"Yes, Lester, you did have many talents. How you lived this long without being beaten to death in the street by a mob of Caucasian Deep South Klansmen children is beside me. Yes, you were impressive. Unfortunately just like all stars, you finally burned out. But you went out in a blaze of glory at Rasslemania IX, ended by Biggs. Still, I can't rightfully give him all the credit for ridding us of your slack jawed Mexican Canadian (which seems pretty asinine) kiester. No, most of that credit goes to moi."
He motions to himself.
"But I am not the man of the hour. No, I am just a humble eulogist, here to speak praise for our fallen Fascist dick of a dictator, Level One; a man who loved to see the look of despair on a person's face when all their hopes and dreams were crushed before their very eyes. Yes that was to him what the sound of a baby's laughter is to us normal, good spirited, humane Homo sapiens."
He flips this page over and keeps reading.
"Sick ass monsters like Level One are the reason people have lost faith in humanity. But today that faith can be restored. Canada, I promise that today you are forgiven for producing people like Bryan Adams and Justin Bieber. As long as the Canadian Government apologizes for Lester Only from here on out."
Shadow steps off the podium, leaving the papers and taking the microphone with him. He approaches the "coffin."
"Lester, if you had only been born with a heart perhaps all this could have been avoided. Perhaps there would actually be people here to see you off rather than a room full of empty chairs."
The camera pans now to show the community center. Several of the steel chairs are reserved for family and friends but they are all vacant.
"I'm sure this reminds you of every other important moment in your life; birthdays graduation, the wedding, oops I mean, the divorce. You’d think the Lewinter Sisters might have actually came or maybe even you children but nope. When we made the call they sang praises of freedom. If only you gave a damn about somebody, anybody other than yourself, someone might have actually showed up to your wake. Dammit Why Lester why?"
Shadow slams a fist onto the top of the "coffin." He nearly brakes the board he hits.
"Well I guess it was too much to ask. But Lester as you, go, you leave us with a legacy. There are only few men in this world who have written their name in as many history books as you did. Granted they didn't just buy the books, cross out someone else's name and scribble theirs in, but that's not important. The important thing is that you sir are remembered with the dignity and respect you deserve."
The Usher of Darkness turns to face the "coffin." The camera suddenly pans to the empty funeral as a sound fills the air.
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
"Ahhhhhhhhh!"
The camera stays panned away for a minute. Then it cuts back to Shadow as he shifts and apparently zipps up. He turns back to the camera and raises the microphone again. He steps to the side and picks up a clay jug from behind the portrait. Shadow carries it in his left hand while he speaks into mic he holds with his right.
"Much better. I'm sure there are people out there wondering a few things about today's service. Like: why would I pray for Level One, he's a douche? No, while my opening prayer talks about the Lord and how He will aid the faithful and will hear those who truly fear Him. People should understand that Lester Only is not one of those people. His overzealous ego has made his ears deaf and his eyes blind. That prayer is for all the people Lester has wronged. The Lord has heard your prayers my friends. 'To all the wicked, He will destroy!' You all know who the wicked is and you can take comfort in the fact I was sent to liberate us from that lecherous Level One. Still, there is one other piece of scripture, Hollywood scripture in fact, that I would like to quote in regards to our dear departed Lester Only. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children."
Shadow raises the clay jug high, leans his head back, closes his eyes and begins to bellow into the mic.
"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
Shadow hurls the jug at the crate. It shatters in a explosion of liquid. Shadow smirks.
"Lester! I honestly hope that you are suffering in the afterlife you've so rightfully earned. And because I can do nothing more for your soul in this life the least I can do for your body is offer the world a glimpse of how you are spending the rest of eternity."
Shadow strikes his Zippo lighter on his hip. He smiles real big.
"Level One, this is your tour guide speaking: Welcome to Hell."
The Usher of Darkness tosses his lighter onto the 'coffin.' The fire erupt immediately. The camera angle cuts to the other side of the pyre. Shadow is seen through the lapping flames. Another camera angle shows Shadow's eyes, the inferno reflecting off his retinas. Shadow stares at the impromptu cremation.
"I'll see you soon."
Now listen up, aw hell you really don't care. It's quite a drop from the top let me send ya down there, cause it's the hard cold harsh reality, stuck in the ring with your enemy. Tell us all who you are! Mister big fucking mega-star!
How did you think this would end, after the way it began. Your time has come so run rabbit run. You want us all on our knees, while you ignore all their pleas. You live greed, but you'll get none from me. I’m the one in your way, don't give a damn what you'll say, Better pray cause I'll make you pay come Thursday.
You and your Sindicate just had to be on top, you started a war ole boy that you just cannot stop and the one black truth is that you must pay your toll, because the Usher has come to claim your soul. Go on and tell me what you'll do. All I hear are lies from you. So let me show you how it's going to be, Just you wait and see...
Okay. So my poetry isn't as sharp as some people. But it’s in my opinion better than those seriously honky-white boy lyrics you spun nearly a year back. Did you get the farm hand from Scary Movie 3 to help you come up with those lyrics? Don't quit your day job.
Oh Lester, how I've waited for this moment. That moment when I take every freaking word you've ran your mouth about in the past year and just stuff it down your freaking throat. Since I came back to Action Packed Wrestling, I've had the great opportunity to remain on the sidelines and just watch. I've paid very close attention to everything that’s gone down in APW, and you sir are at the core of it all.
I'm sure you're loving that too, to be the real antagonist, the real mastermind behind the curtain. Hell you've worked your whole life to be the big Billy bad ass of APW. Former Tag Champ, Two time True Expert, and Four time Undisputed Champion, there are tons of people all around the world just itching to have a repertoire like yours and yeah I'll admit, I'd love to have that resume too. You're probably the most infamous man in professional wrestling as well. And on Thursday night I FINALLY get to face you one on one.
Lester, I've had to listen to you toot your own horn and flap your freaking gums about how I'm just some puppet, a monkey and a pathetic joke for a whole damn year and let me tell you sir, I'm sick of it. All you ever have to say is the same damn thing too. "Shadow's half of the ass lickers anonymous." "I'm Level One, I'm a wrestling god!" "I plan to shut him the fuck up!" I bet you even plan to comment on my words for you too. Tell everyone how I'm an idiot for calling you a Mexi-Canadian. So you''re so proud you will boast about how you're All Canadian. No offense to my fans in Canada and Mexico, but that's not a real improvement genius.
But I'm still here and I'm still talking Lester. So what do you got? Come on and say something, cause just like your wife and that child support payment, I'm waiting you son of a bitch.
You sir seem to have me confused with some rainbow haired, high flying, freak show. We have never really went head to head Lester. We've only met in tag matches. You've fought and beat Slade plenty of times, sure. Good for you so has 90% of the rest of the roster. Me on the other hand, I've kicked the shit out of that 90%. Do us all a favor and open your ears for ten damn seconds. I ain't Slade Craven. I'm you're bete noir bitch.
You know what I find particularly piquant right now, Lester? Knowing that you still have to either pay people to listen to you or develop a bunch of split personalities because no one wants to talk to your sorry ass. Me I'm a loner because I choose to be. However because of your deep seated insecurities stemming from absent parental figures feel the need to surround yourself with dubious dames and other unethical friends who enable all your bad habits. You need therapy you know that? Maybe they can help you relate to your issues.
But we all have issues even me. Right now mine is you. I like to connect this to climbing a mountain. When I showed up in APW I played second fiddle to my tag partner and he tried some cock-a-meme scheme to bounce us straight to the top. As suspected, he caused it to crash and burn, then I up and decided to forge my own path. Started at the bottom, opening up Meltdown's for a few weeks and clawed my way through the rooks to a shot at Shockwave for the Xteme title. Took it and passed it on because I didn't want it. Fast forward a few months, I end up on Overdrive. Again I’m starting right at the bottom, That's right Kurt I said it. But I've pulled myself up and after one calendar year here I stand at the top of the mountain.
And standing across from me is you. That goofy grin plastered across your face because you probably got some big plan to underhand yourself another damn win. Lester, I took a moment to congratulate you on all your accomplishments, which was more time than you deserved. Because the truth is Lester you're a bigger fraud than any Congressional windbag in power today.
You're nothing more than a schemer, a coward who refuses to tackle his opponents head on. It makes me sick. Now I don't credit myself with an over abundance of brains, I'm not prideful, but I'm smart enough to understand your actions. Hell, if I was as big a pussy as you are, I would sucker punch and steal every victory I could too. Lucky for me I was born with a set of testicles.
I almost pity you Lester, almost being the key word there. Having to stand in the ring with a real man, someone who works hard and won't have to buy this damn company in seven years just to stay in it. Sindicate Packed Wrestling what a fucking joke. Like I would actually work for some second rate shitstar like you.
Sure, you can say I'm being a bit harsh. But I'm only doing what you've done your entire career. All you do is belittle the competition you freaking midget, regardless of how great they are. You have no respect for anybody or their achievements, all you care about is yourself. You'd sell out your own pack of prostitutes if it meant you could win this match Thursday night.
In your eyes, is that what it takes to claw your way to the top, Lester? You're more pathetic than that crap jockstrap Lance Stone you got to impersonate me on that late night low budget infomercial you called a promo a few weeks back. Like I said on Overdrive, you must really have a team of mentally challenged monkeys writing you material before you step in front of the camera. Yeah they sit back and watch us hard working Megastars bust our asses week in and week out then they up and pull a Weird Al Yankovich for ya right before the show starts. Jeez Jay Leno One I'd hoped you were above all that.
But you're like Christopher Columbus you know? Claiming you discovered America when there were already people here. I know your arrival story, you showed up in APW like you were the hottest shit around and then started claiming you made the company. Think again numb nuts. The people made this place what it is. Five years running APW has been the premier wrestling federation and they do NOT owe it all to Level One. No they owe it to people like Twister, John Green, and most importantly President Jeff.
Get off your freaking high horse Lester, you don't matter anymore. You show up on Overdrive every few weeks and get tossed a match because of Jeff still uses your name to attract attention. I'd rather be a new name on the rise (again) than be some played out half ass over the hill hate mongering hack like you. I hope that everyday you get down on your knees, crawl under Jeff's desk, swallow some "pride" and thank God you still have a job here. I remember you trying out to be a teacher and comedian and crap star. Good lord you it's a wonder they didn't arrest your pedophile ass when you set foot in the elementary school grounds.
You know what's an even bigger wonder? How the hell President Jeff can actually mute the sea of boos when he has to stroke your limp less than average vanity by playing a cheer track Welcome Back Kotter you contemptuous, disdainful, egotistic, high-handed, insolent, ostentatious, overbearing, pompous, pretentious, self-important, smug son of a bitch?
Come Thursday night I'm done playing games, I'm done waiting for Level One versus Shadow, I am straight done with you. I couldn't ask for a better finish to my calendar year here. Come on, proving you wrong in every way shape in form? Let's see I didn't turn tail and run, I haven't been the big bitch you've claimed I am and I sure as shit didn't up and marry my former tag partner. You still calling Miss Cleo for help Lester? I bet she told you that you're going to win Thursday night too huh numb nuts? Guess what, I've worked my ass off for a full year here and I will crown my time in APW with a penultimate victory over you.
Then what will you have to say about it? Come on, you can't ever accept defeat gracefully. It's always someone else's fault. God forbid Level One screws up, just like he did against Pence Weatherlight and Sally Talford. Oh yeah I can hear it now: "Shadow couldn't have done it without Biggs' help." "Man, if Biggs hadn't been there to save Shadow's rear I would have had him" piss off Lester. I don't need Biggs to beat your ass. He's just there to keep things fair. I know I know; to you, the word fair immediately puts you at a disadvantage. You haven't been in a fair fight since well, never?
And what do you care if Biggs is officiating this match? I thought the great Level One didn't worry about anything. Pansy. I sure as hell ain't sweating it. Biggs and I have had our difficulties in the past, but that’s exactly where it should stay. On the other hand Lester, you seem to have life on backwards. When I kick you in the face tonight, I'll make sure that it spins around so that your past is behind you.
I say that because I heard the torrent of trash talk while I was on Meltdown. Not about how people are here to make APW theirs, you already did that, congrat-u-freaking-lations. No everyone's vomited up the same thing, talking trash the AKA, spewing stories on how I rode Slade's coattails right into the Hall of Fame, wake up sunshine. Slade is only here BECAUSE of ME. I led that feud against the Axis, and I have actually won championships. What has Slade done; lose to you a bunch of times, get his ass kicked by everybody and never win any gold in APW. Big freaking difference dumb ass.
You're too concerned with the past Lester, you need to be worried about your future. Trust me it ain't pretty. I've seen the end to your story son, Hell I play a big part in it. It starts tonight. The final Overdrive before Rasslemania will be the beginning of your end. When I returned to APW last year at Rasslemania you looked like a bitch, time for history to repeat itself Lester.
I hope you're ready, I hope you have some bad ass plan to try and turn this thing around. I want you to try something. I want you to get your hopes up and think that tonight you'll "Shut Shadow up." Because I will have front row seating to that look on your face when it all comes crashing down, when you come crashing down tonight Level One. Tonight it's not about titles, or past vengeance. It isn't about letting anarchy reign over that stable of whores you call the Sindicate. It's about me ending you. Accept it Lester and I will make sure it's quick. Just too bad for you I plan to ensure that it's as painful as possible.[/color]
