Do I still have it?

[A.C. Smith]

RP link: apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=odrp2012&thread=10066

First of all, some exposition on why I debuted the way I did. I work in athletic communications at Siena College, and the month of April, simply-put, is HELL. That's why, while I signed up to be a part of APW, I couldn't actually DEBUT until the dust settled, which it has, for the most part.

Anyway, I posted my first RP at the link above, and I'd really appreciate some feedback since it's my first RP since October of last year. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

[Kurt]

I dunno how helpful this delayed feedback is, but I'll try to stick to more general issues to help out for future RPs.

"A Known Quantity" Critique

It's well articulated. You set up the scene nicely, and have enough description to give me a scene without being overly monotonous.

There's an interesting contrast here with Smith, that I think is deliberate. We do get the sense that Smith has acquired great success, but he's a very colloquial guy. Not to say he speaks "plainly," but it sounds like real dialogue. It works.

As I've said before, I like characters where I feel like APW isn't the first place they've ever existed. Good job of displaying that without boring us of past accomplishments that aren't relevant to APW.

It does get a little repetitive as we stay around the achievements room. I feel like you overemphasize the point of "I'm really, really good at life...but I don't mean to gloat...but I'm good!" While the monologue does lose direction occasionally, it's a consistent feel. Just work on transitioning to new ideas within the monologue to keep your reader interested.

The talk of Pax isn't really specific in relation to his character, but being that this is a debut RP, and I don't recall if Pax was still actively RPing at this point...you're fine, ha.

Overall, this RP did exceed my expectations. It's got a character that's arrogant, but pulls it off with a slight more graceful, less obnoxious feel than other heels do. There wasn't really anything in this RP that jumped out and surprised me, but you built a really solid base here and I do hope it gets expanded upon!

Good job bud!

[A.C. Smith]

Thanks Kurt! I appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff. I'd like to think I'm working the rust off, but I'm still getting back into the swing of things a bit.

[sykes]

Alright I got some sleep and had a chance to read results, so I decided to give you feedback as I promised.

First of all I want to say pretty good job on building up Smith. He came into the fold here at APW pretty nicely. You built him up to be something great and you made sure that he didn't disappoint. Then comes along this PPV which was going to test his skills.

I want to say great work on the dialogue. You made Smith sound like a great heel. It wasn't one of those heels that completely bury people or sound like a complete and utter pussbag. That's a great thing. No one likes a boring heel, and with this rp he didn't come off as one.

You did a damn good job on selling your opponents (which is something I myself should have done). I loved the way you built them up and then you tore them down. That's a great way of doing things and normally that's how a wrestler should be (both in the efed world and in reality). So good job with that.

I think the only problem with this rp is like Noble said. There were bits where it seemed to drag out just a little too long and it seemed like he was getting repeative. You didn't do it a lot and you were pretty consistent elsewhere and with everything else that I don't think it effected this rp at all. Just might want to tweak some things here and there when it comes to repeativeness.

Other than that, this rp was great. I viewed you as one of the biggest threats in this match and you didn't disappoint. You really brought your A game with this rp and did what you could to make AC Smith sound like a dislikable heel and I see you doing some great things with him here in the near future.[/color][/font]