Tide of Battle

[Michael Callahan]

Into this house we're born... Into this world we're thrown...
Like a dog without a bone and actor out on loan...
Riders on the Storm... YEAAAAAAAH!

Baking hot California sunshine makes viewing through the cameras almost an impossibility as we join a banged up and bruised Michael Callahan and his delightful assistant Vikki Lahm in the outdoor sitting of some jetsetting café for young go-getting types. Mindlessly stirring his hot chocolate with a silver spoon while nursing a swollen cheek with an ice pack, Vikki sees the vacancy in Callahan's eyes and knows that he's not up to par like he should be. In fact he's anything but. He's been less than his usual exuberant, arrogant and boisterous self ever since his shock victory over Sally Talfourd at Mayhem and nobody but Callahan seems to have an answer as to why. You'd have thought he'd be happy with having beaten his biggest rival yet to a bloody pulp but it seems that's not the case as a concerned Vikki tortures herself with trying to spur him back into life.

Now as we approach another milestone in the list of APW candidates for future hall of famers that Michael Callahan has yet to beat we see that he's far from in the mindset to take on the challenge. Terry Marvin will no doubt be fired up after the torrential jets of abuse that Callahan has desecrated his twitter feed with while Callahan's motivation is all but drained. At this stage of the game it should be a landslide for Terry Marvin but for one Vikki Lahm, it's her perogative to try and stoke the fires in his heart of hearts to try and bring about the courageous harbinger of hope that is “The American Hero” Michael Callahan.

Vikki Lahm: You're not happy, are you?

Callahan stops his absent stirring and stares daggers into his assistant. Stating the obvious has never been something that Callahan is overly fond of.

Michael Callahan: Congratulations Captain Obvious. You've saved the world once again with your BRILLIANT observations.

Vikki Lahm: Why thank you! I couldn't have done it without your help my trusty sidekick, Sarcasm Boy.

Vikki's attempt at demeaning Callahan illicits the slightest of scoffs. The thought that she is even on his level never mind above it is enough to at least stir some vaguely enthused rhetoric from him.

Michael Callahan: Sarcasm Boy? Sidekick? Listen. I pay your wage. I'd advise you learn your place before I put you in it.

Vikki Lahm: Oh the wage card huh? I'll play the race card then and sue you for discrimination.

Utterly baffled at the thought of a white woman playing the race card against a white man, her absurdity while based in reason is yet again enough to stir a reaction from the dulled Michael Callahan.

Michael Callahan: The race card? You're white and I'm white. How can you possibly hope to use racism as an argument against me? If you were Steve, sure. That guy could sue me for everything I'm worth. You though? No ma'am.

Vikki Lahm: I'm half-German though. I'll tell the courts you called me a Nazi and paid me to dress up in a sexy SS uniform while you showed me your “Secret Butthole Pleasures”.

She can barely contain her laughter as she brings back painful memories of last weeks embarassing Kelso post. It's less funny to Michael as after his Mayhem match he had to spend three hours explaining to the RNC that he had no idea what a butthole pleasure even was, nevermind a secret one.

Michael Callahan: You're not still laughing about that are you?

Vikki Lahm: I'm sorry but it's hilarious. Lighten up. Why are you so put out Mike? You WON. You beat Sally Talfourd. Someone who hasn't had an official loss since last October. You put your heart and soul into it and you ended the eight month undefeated streak of one of the most dominant competitors of all time. Why are you not screaming it from the rooftops?

Callahan sighs and rests both his elbows on the table so he can cradle his heavy head that so desperately seeks to sink down from the monumental weight of his thoughts.

Michael Callahan: Because in the end where has it got me? Sure the paychecks are... fantabulous and the fact I can now command the respect of my Asylum peers with some actual credibility is nice but in the process I've lost something far more important. I thought I was in love with her. Now that I realise I just played her up in my mind to some delusional crackpot fantasy I feel like I haven't got a leg to stand on, like my heart is gone.

Vikki Lahm: Don't be ridiculous. I don't care if I have to take you to a mortician to find you a new leg and a heart. You HAVE to find them if you're facing Terry Marvin. That man is on the mother of all rolls right now and I think he'll be just as if not MORE of a threat than Sally Talfourd. Sally Talfourd arguably isn't in heat like she used to be... Terry Marvin? Well he is.

Michael Callahan: HA. Rolls. It's funny because he's fat. I'll believe that though. I'd be more of a threat than Sally Talfourd too if I bribed all of my referees.

Vikki Lahm: Don't take that attitude Michael. He's still an extremely dangerous competitor regardless of the circumstances. If anything his ring sense and meta approach to the rules probably makes him more dangerous than Sally because he'll be willing to do what she won't to beat you.

Michael Callahan: You know some people are billing this as “The Battle of the Corrupted”? How dare they. I'm an honest, transparent man with pure and open, positive intentions at heart. To lump me in with that decadent waste of matter that is Terry Marvin is nothing short of a felon. It's tarring me with the same brush as a man who criticised me for having religious convictions. When I refused to gamble ranking points for a better entry spot in the High Stakes Battle Royale he mocked me for it. Did you know that? He belittled me for having the belief that gambling is morally vacant. How low can you get in order to mock a man for his beliefs?

The irony of Callahan taking offence to someone ribbing on his belief is not lost on Vikki who like a mighty mountain wolf tears into the clear illogical nature of his argument like it were a crippled hare.

Vikki Lahm: You do it all the time. You tear into Asylum fans because they believe that gratuitous violence and strip teasing is the best form of wrestling entertainment.

Michael Callahan: That's not a belief. That's a factoid. It's fair game to mock someone if they're wrong.

Vikki Lahm: And what if you're wrong?

Michael Callahan: I am a Christian and a Republican. Being wrong isn't a part of my job description.

Vikki Lahm: I'm sure that's what Terry Marvin would say that only replacing the words “Christian” and “Republican with “Atheist” and “Politically Apathetic”.

The passion is starting to stir in the heart of Callahan now as Vikki's leading questions start turning on the ignition to get him riled up thinking about his opponent. Terry's personality leaves a lot to be desired and so for Vikki to appeal to his political nature in terms of picking apart adversaries for their flaws is enough to bring about the American Hero as we know him.

Michael Callahan: Yes Vikki that's as maybe but Terry Marvin is not an elected official like me. Absent of any integrity, he is a low and filthy individual who is not beyond using any foul offence to see to it that it's his arm raised at the end of the match.[/color]

Vikki Lahm: Exactly! He's the kind of man who brings a nuke to a knife fight. He has no class and that's EXACTLY why he's so successful. He'd push a cripple down a flight of stairs for even the most marginal of victories. That's the kind of mentality you need to have to beat The Real Show.

Michael Callahan: Not a chance. I have worked too damn hard to relinquis my purity and virtues by employing the kind of strategies that make Terry Marvin the success story he is. I just beat Sally Talfourd and I did it by the book

Vikki Lahm: But Mike, you've been completely off-kilter since that match. Like you've lost your capacity to compete. When you squared off with Sally you went in with tenacity and the heart to win because you knew it'd be the abject destruction of all your credibility after these three months of non-stop verbal abuse. The same applies with Terry Marvin. No doubt he'll have beef with you after all those fat jokes you made over twitter. Pun not intended.

Roaring with laughter at the beef comment, Callahan can barely contain his amusement at the connection. So juvenile is his mind when it comes to Terry Marvin humour that he'll make even the most remote of connections for a cheap laugh.

Michael Callahan: Beef, HA. Now you're getting into the spirit of it He's a disgusting man isn't he? The man is 6'4 and weighs two hundred and forty five pounds of pure, putrid flabber.

Vikki Lahm: That's actually quite light for a man his size. He's strong as Hell too. Heck, you're two inches shorter and only sixteen pounds shy of his weight as of last weigh-in. You're not really in much of a position to comment...

Michael Callahan: Are you trying to say I'm fat?

Vikki Lahm: No, I'm trying to say that Terry Marvin is a lot more athletically capable and outright dangerous than you'd like to believe. Stop changing the subject. You NEED to focus on how you're going to beat Terry Marvin because after every snide comment you've made otherwise he's going to make a total ass of you on Meltdown.

Damn near bowling his chair over as he rockets up to his feet to roar in Vikki's face, all eyes fall upon him as he unleashes a venomous tirade on his assistant. The waiters just stand by and watch to see if he actually does anything as Callahan snarls and roars like the beast within that will be essential in beating Terry Marvin. A wry smile spreads across Vikki's lips as he huffs and flares his chest.

Michael Callahan: How dare you stand up for him! How very dare you! He's nothing short of a macabre mass of stomach and I resent the fact that you're willing to categorise me in even the same fashion outlet, never mind the same waist line! Now I'll go ahead and say that yes, in the few times we've shared the ring he may have been more impressive. Take the High Stakes Battle Royale for example. He made it closer to winning than I did. Hell, I might not have even lasted long enough to actually make his entrance but I was in there for a much longer stretch of time than he was! That's all he has over me! My championship? Sure, might not have the length and breadth of the history that the Overdrive Championship has but I've held it longer than he has and mine is endowed with a spiritual and social message making it just as valuable as the World and Undisputed Championships if not more so.

Vikki Lahm: Yeah but come on. Look at the names that Terry Marvin has gunned down in recent history. He's a tour de force and you know it.

Michael Callahan: You say that but who has Terry Marvin beaten really? Yes okay, Keaton Saint may be one of the most talented men on the roster with a huge fanbase and an impressive win/loss record but you're talking about a man who's hair is so unkempt that he can scarcely see past the fringeline of his unruly mane. It's not lack of skill that made him lose to Terry, it's lack of vision. He couldn't see his opponent and so didn't know what he was doing half the time. Terry Marvin on this front was able to outsmart him. Terry Marvin for all of his flaws and weaknesses has developed the mental capacity to learn that if you want to be a wrestler with long hair then it is of VITAL importance to tie your locks back lest it get in your eyes and and stop you from spotting the fact that the referee has an “I Love Terry Marvin” t-shirt on underneath his zebra stripes.

Now it's Vikki's turn to scoff as Callahan drags up the infamous referee incident again. Vikki knows that he's selling him short so she angles him towards recognising his accomplishments.

Vikki Lahm: Are you back on that whole bribery thing? What about Johnny Rebel? You think of that man as some kind of God. Terry Marvin BEAT him for the title.

Michael Callahan: Look, I'm not saying that Terry Marvin hasn't accomplished anything. He's done some impressive things. Johnny Rebel is the golden son of Overdrive and by far the most talented man on his side of the company so for Terry to beat him is extremely impressive and worthy of appraisal. As it happens I think it's a travesty that after Johnny's stellar performance at Rasslemania we don't see HIM getting a rematch while talentless, ignorant clods like CJ Gates and Kurt Noble clog up the limelight with the bulging masses of egomania that is their careers. Much like it's a travesty that Terry Marvin is allowed to call himself a champion after scores of controversial victories and misdemeanour’s. Yes, sure. He beat Johnny Rebel. But who have I beat?

Vikki Lahm: Phil Atken?

Callahan simply shakes his head and facepalms as he starts to question whether or not Vikki is trolling him now which she clearly has been for the last five minutes.

Michael Callahan: My poor misguided lady-friend. I have accomplished vastly more than that. I have slain countless names. Remember the mighty 'Nordic Tank' Odin Balfore, one of the most fearsome titans to ever set foot in an APW ring? I beat him. Not only did I beat him but I put out to pasture Arcadia, Manhattan White and the biggest doofus in the industry, Phil Atken all in the same match despite nobody believing that I could. I defeated a man who put my assistant in a coma, a so-called “Virus” who thanks to my immunity no longer roams these corridors.

Vikki Lahm: Those are impressive but this is Terry Marvin, he-

Callahan cuts her off to continue with his gospel of Republican fury as Vikki knows inside she's brought back the motivation that her employer so desperately needed. The fact she doesn't need to beat his ego to flare him up anymore is indicative that Callahan is more than ready for the fight.

Michael Callahan: Pipe down and let me finish because the story doesn't end there, does it? Just like at the beginning of my career where nobody believed in me, I did the impossible. The criticism and doubts of the naysayers gave me the internal resolve to fight for myself and in doing so I did what no other person has done. I uprooted the oak tree that is Sally Talfourd, a living APW legend, a surefire Hall of Famer, a former Undisputed Champion, an accolade that Terry Marvin has yet to obtain and I made her forfeit the match by knockout. Something that has NEVER been done in APW. Terry Marvin may have a few nice little notches in his belt but against me? He can't beat me.

Vikki Lahm: See now you're starting to sound like the old Michael Callahan!

Coming back to his senses he realises that he's started to make a scene. He rushes back to a seated position and takes both of Vikki's hands in his with a deep stare, the will to succeed burning in his eyes.

Michael Callahan: Well let me finish by telling you this Vikki. All I know is that Terry Marvin will underestimate me. He'll think that just because I'm an Asylum competitor that I'm another snivelling little ratling that's crawled up to face the mighty Overdrive Champion. I can already see it now, that smug grin thinking he's lucked out because the “Pro Life Champ” emerged to face him and try to knock him off his high horse. Well it isn't happening. I've made an entire career off of defying the low expectations people have of me and I'm not about to stop now. Tonight when I get in that ring with Terry Marvin he best be prepared for the fight of his life because the so called “real show” will have it's final night on stage as I employ EVERY strategy I can to see to it that he takes his bow like he should have done a LONG time ago. There will be no encore, there will be no applause and roses, just a silent curtain call as I, Michael Callahan, knock one of the biggest false prophets of the Overdrive brand off of the egotistical stage he built from his own over exaggerated sense of self worth. And that Vikki? That my dear is a PROMISE.

And with that he slams a hundred dollar bill down on the table to cover the fifteen dollar order he made. Callahan is driven to fight the man that he's had an endless twitter battle with for months and has acknowledged Terry's talents. Will he be able to ride the storm The Real Show though, especially still baring the scars of his war with Sally? Find out tonight, ONLY on Meltdown!