Into The Stall (EFK Tourney Rp)

[Jason Cashe]

I was nervous and tried to do enough homework but wanted to write and this is what came about. I usually try to do a pooping Rp for all debuts. I did one for S&C when I first came to APW and I did one for UWF when I first signed there, WCF as well so it's kind of my debut thing. Since this was a Interfed Tournament Debut, I went with what I've always done. Maybe a bad thing, maybe it worked out nicely. Only time will tell, I love that I'm doing this if for no other reason than to have APW as the place being represented. So hopefully I don't rep this badly...

www.efedknights.com/boards/index.php?topic=15192.0

[Reaver]

u and ur poop i swear LOL

theres always been a certain flow with u and if consistency is key in EFK then i see u going pretty far.

i also noticed that this isnt the first time u were "attacked" by women u werent interested in. maybe u should start calling the police or at least carry a rape whistle with u jeez LOL.

[Jason Cashe]

Yeah I like giving back even if it hurts Kash. Haha!

[Jules]

I know I don't usually offer feedback, but I'm feeling in a good Samaritan sort of mood, and since I like you Kash and I'd like to see you do well I offer some thoughts.

I'm going to use EFK's RP judging criteria (the disclaimer being that this is how I interpret them), and I'll make some general comments after.

Selling (20) - Ability to sell the opponents, surroundings, tournament, match etc. See the EFK guides on selling.

-You definitely do sell in this promo. You give us a good sense of Kash's understanding of Stall, showing evidence that Kash has done his homework and understands the respect the name 'Stall' commands in the business. This is all good stuff. You also show us that Kash is aware of some of James' own success, however you have made no mention of the fact was runner-up in this year's CWC Ascension. Okay this is Experts, not CWC, but we're all affiliated and in the same e-universe, and Stall coming so close to winning that is huge for his credibility in this kind of tournament. If I was judging, this is a big deal and I'd expect it to be recognised.

-You mention the ET being the biggest in the world, but I thought you could have done more to really sell why this tournament is so important for Kash, why it is so important for Kash to do well. You acknowledge it's big, but I didn't get the sense that doing well or winning it would be a career-defining moment for Kash, building on his APW success (there is some of this though), so that every match is do or die etc.

-However, you do a great job of selling Kash the competitor, as the blue-collar hero, never-say-die face, who fights for everything and gives his opponent not so much as an inch. And you did it without burying Stall. This was a strong point.


Pacing/Story (15) - Is your RP structured well enough to follow clearly? Does it drag on, or does it hit the perfect rhythm? Have you got some substance in your roleplay, or is it just the wrestler droning on at the camera? If you've done a promo, is it snappy and exciting?

-It is well structured, in that it is clearly written, it's easy to follow, and you move along and expand on various points.

-I would say the pace fell off a little bit towards the end, and there was a sense that you were repeating one or two points. Also, that last bit with the girl did nothing for me, I couldn't see it's purpose other than a bit of self-indulgent gratuity, it killed the pace of the promo and didn't give it that big, exciting send-off that I think a promo of this sort needs to have.

-I don't want to say it was droning on at the camera as such because any RP that has extended promo-ing in it could fit that description, but I guess I would interpret this as 'mixing up' the rp, finding a balance between promo and match-relevant CD or dialogue. I don't want to elaborate much here because I'm honestly not the best judge of this part of EFK's criteria - maybe someone like C.J., Kurt or Keaton would be a better judge. However, I'd like to have seen a bit of dialogue at the start beween Kash and an ally about why he is signing up for ET before the promo on Stall.


Character (10) - Does the character really come across in the roleplay and provide their own spin to everything etc.

-I think the character of Kash comes through strongly for sure, as it does in all of your RPs, so you should score highly here. You have that unique delivery coming through nicely and it makes the RP very distinctive.


Spelling/Punctuation (5) - Not as important, but generally good spelling/punctuation is necessary.

No problems here as far as I could see. I'm a descriptive grammarian, though, and as long there isn't any wholesale butchering of generally accepted English I won't complain.

*

Overall, I thought it was a solid RP. I don't think it is the best work you've done, and Stall is good talent who did a great job in Ascension (ok, different tournament, different rules). My advice would be to speak to guys in APW who have done well in EFK - people like Kurt, C.J., Keaton, L-1, Sally etc. You said you were nervous and maybe eager to post early, but I'd recommend taking a step back, keep in mind those judging criteria and try to work to those as you interpret them.

I'm saying all this but I'm certainly no expert (pun intended); I've only competed once in Experts and didn't do that well, ha! But I'd thought I'd share my thoughts. If I'm wrong you can always come back and tell me when the results come out ;D

Good luck brother!

[Jason Cashe]

I like you Kash

YOU Like Me?!?! NICE!!

(comes in for a hug!)

[Jason Cashe]

(A better response)

however you have made no mention of the fact was runner-up in this year's CWC Ascension.

I mentioned the CWC Event at the first part of my promo. First two paragraphs of me really going off. Just saying...haha!

However, I'd like to have seen a bit of dialogue at the start beween Kash and an ally about why he is signing up for ET before the promo on Stall.

Kash has no friends right now...Lonely....

Everything else I can see completely. I wanted to do conversation with someone about the event more but again, right now I have nobody who's really talk to Kash who I haven't burned a bridge with or burned one with me. I will work on fixing that, have been for a good while now so it won't be much longer. I very much appreciate the things said and will work on improving across the board. I will also get to how important the Tournament is in the next few rps, I wanted to attack a strong opponent head first and hopefully I did that. We'll see...

[Jules]

Jun 18, 2012 16:00:08 GMT -4 Jason Cashe said:

(A better response)

however you have made no mention of the fact was runner-up in this year's CWC Ascension.

I mentioned the CWC Event at the first part of my promo. First two paragraphs of me really going off. Just saying...haha!

Shit, I see that now! How did I miss that? I do apologise, sir! (It's a good job I'm not judging, ha!)

[Jason Cashe]

I appreciate the Read N' Feed regardless. Helpful tips that I will try to install in my game.

[Kurt]

Jules's response was actually pretty spot-on. I really only have one or two notes to add.

Here are what I consider to be the two most effective tactics for tournaments like this:

1. Sell what's going on. Even if the build-up/story stuff has NOTHING to do with you, find a way to relate it to you and your opponent. Sell whatever different promotion the Experts are in that week (this week is SCW). You sell your opponent well, which Russ is very big on. The more you can sell and hype everything about the ET, the better off you'll be.

2. Do things that make you memorable. Be it an engaging storyline or a wacky monologue, do things that make you memorable. Remember, this is a tournament of 54 people, a good deal of which Russ is already familiar with; however, just because he knows/likes guys already doesn't mean you can't stand out. A "shit" RP () is a good, if slightly unusual way to be different. If you make Russ remember you in a good way, you're in a good spot.

Only other advice I can offer is making sure things are spelled correctly, capitalized correctly, and that segments all make sense. Grammar is a relatively light judging category, but they're less subjective than the others, meaning getting 5/5 points there should be a priority.

I think this really was a good introduction for Kash. It's okay to be nervous; Hell, I'm nervous too! Just do what you can to be noticed, and remember...sell sell sell!

[Jason Cashe]

Haha, I think I understand now...Light Bulb!!