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Post by Michael Callahan on Jun 23, 2012 8:48:44 GMT -4
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Post by Kurt on Jul 2, 2012 23:49:43 GMT -4
I normally only review the piece someone specifically asks for a review for, but I'm going to make an exception this time and review the piece you posted for this week. Second week pieces usually give a better sense of the character because we're past that occasionally awkward introduction stage.
Great opening line, ha.
In fact, great opening paragraph. You're doing what Russ likes: selling the show. The more you talk about things that happened, the better off you are.
Personal pet-peeve: You go from talking about BD to talking to him without a context change. But, I will give you slight props for using the line "Buck Dempsy?" which at least can be inferred that you're asking him a rhetorical question.
I really like the Viking point about Legacy. Great sell there.
Good overall monologue. Really my only point to make is that there's a small disconnect from the Dempsy bit to the Legacy bit. That might be a personal thing for me though, as anytime someone describes multiple hours in one sentence in a promo, I'm thrown off a bit. But, the piece was overall quite cohesive.
This is why I suggested you do these events. Your character stands out. Your style fits. I think you're writing very good pieces and have found an overall state of mind that really works for this event, so congrats! Really, just keep doing what you're doing, and when the time comes (like the post-group rounds), start injecting even more character into your RPs. Keep up the good work bud!
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