Post by chaos lite on Oct 14, 2012 19:59:02 GMT -4
i don't need another friend
when most of them
i can barely keep up with
i'm perfectly able to hold my own hand
when most of them
i can barely keep up with
i'm perfectly able to hold my own hand
oct.13.twelve
It looked bad.
I smiled brilliantly at Aubrey but it didn’t look good… She sat next to me on my couch, bent forward so I could part the hair on the back of her head with my fingers. The first time I looked, about five days ago, it’d been a giant lump so I suppose this was better but it still didn’t look good. I guess she knew it too but with every passing day, she'dcontinue to ask for an update on that disgusting, gnarly bruise on the back of her head and I got sick of telling her the truth.
So I started lying.
”Looks good, Aubs.” I noticed her uncomfortable smile as she ran her fingers through the hair in the back around the swelling, so I quickly continued. ”Does it feel alright?”
”I mean, it feels better than it did on Monday but it doesn’t feel alright, Cass.”
”Take the Percocet!”
”I did. You didn’t go grocery shopping like you told me you were going to… You bitch…”
”Grocery shopping? Aubrey, your list had nothing on it except for Caramel Smirnoff and Honey Remy Martin. Those aren’t groceries.”
”No. They have to be purchased to become groceries, and you did no such thing. What kind of friend are you? Logan would get it for me.”
I couldn’t help myself. I had to laugh at that one.
”Logan wouldn’t buy you non-alcoholic beer if you asked him to. Don’t bullshit yourself.”
At that, Aubrey stood up and made the short journey from my couch to my kitchen. I watched her with a perked eyebrow but didn’t say anything for a while as she pawed through the pantry… She groaned and stuck her head out of the doorway, giving me a disappointed look.
”You have nothing remotely interesting in this pantry. What are you, straight-edge?!”
”You drove me to this.”
Aubrey rolled her eyes but I don’t think she expected to find anything “interesting” in there anyway. She pulled a granola bar off of the shelf and walked over to me.
Looking up at her face, I knew there was something she wanted to say but she didn’t utter a word. Not then. She just took her seat next to me and ate quietly while the images on the television moved across the screen. At some point, I lost focus of what we were even watching. Her entire demeanor had changed far too quickly, and I had to say something.
”I think you should’ve listened to Logan when we saw him the other day.”
She didn’t say anything to that. I knew she wouldn’t.
”There’s no good reason for you to be in that cage match against Vincent and Krunk. What do you think is gonna come out of this?”
”I knew what I was signing up for when I came to APW.”
”Ohh, don’t give me that shit, Aubrey.”
“Aubrey.” It sounded weird coming out of my mouth, and the only reason she turned and made eye contact with me was because she knew it too. Since elementary school, she’d been “Aubs” unless I was mocking her, or she’d done something wrong… Or I was calling her out on her crap. She was being dumb, and I was used to her doing things I thought were foolish. Really. I was. But habitually it had something to do with a guy. It didn’t typically involve her risking injury, or brain damage.
”It’s a cage match. Not a wrestling match, but a steel cage match where you’re STUCK in that ring. If there was anything they ever wanted to do to you out there, this is the place they do it in. Krunk could--”
”Sick. Krunk’s going to rape me in the middle of Chicago.”
”Aubs.”
”He will! He’s such a pervert.”
”Aubrey.”
She groaned and broke her eye contact with me, maybe getting frustrated with this conversation just as quickly as I was.
”Cass, I get it. I shouldn’t even do it, but what choice do I have? If I back out of this…”
She stopped and laughed to herself, and I knew at that moment that she wasn’t seriously considering the idea. Backing down wasn’t an option. Her stubbornness was admirable, but all the same, it was stubbornness.
”I’d be proving everybody right. Like, why am I here if I can’t take a bump on the head and go on to beat a couple of guys that don’t even know what something like a North American Title reign could even feel like? I’m not going to back out of it, Cass. And yeah, I know Logan thinks it’s a bad idea for me to go in there… And you know what? It is.
I know it’s not smart to go out there but I’m doing it because all I want to do is be able to wrestle. Cassandra, you’re an accountant. You can sit behind a computer or on a phone all day and work your full-time job. You don’t have guys telling you that they’re going to rip your dress off, or force you to give them a lap dance, and hitting on you every time you walk into your place of work. You don’t have people threatening to hurt you, and wanting to target you just because you’re a woman doing what you want to fucking do. It’s different for you. You don’t know.
I need to go into that cage on Monday night and fight so all of this can stop. I don’t want to be pushed around and abused and have my partner tell me that it’s ‘too dangerous’ to go out there and wrestle a match.”
Well, ouch.
It kind of hurt. I know how she meant it, but it didn’t mean it stung any less. Perhaps it’s because a part of it rang true: Our jobs were entirely different. She fought grown men twice her size with tables and chairs. I fought debt and bad investment decisions with a calculator and a keyboard. I wasn’t a stranger to being hit on by any means, but I had never been harassed or attacked explicitly for being an accountant. No one gave a shit.
”I’m not saying I don’t get what you mean.”
Even though I didn’t.
”I do. I get it.”
It’s not a lie, just a little fib!
”But Logan wouldn’t tell you those things if they weren’t accurate. He has faith in you, but if anybody went into a cage match concussed, I think their tag team partner has every right to show some concern.”
”If I was a man, do you think that same level of concern would be there?”
”I think so.”
”Do you honestly?”
I didn’t. I honestly didn’t, but could you blame Logan? Could you blame anybody that had tried their best to look out for her wellbeing?
”I think you might want to get some sleep soon if we’re going to catch our flight in the morning.”
”Stop sugarcoating shit. It’s a waste of sugar.”
I smirked a bit when she said it, because I knew it was something her grandfather used to say. Coolest guy ever. He was a crazy Vietnam veteran and drank himself to death on a tour of China in 2002, but he was the smartest man I’ve ever met. That thought was a self-imposed distraction though. I knew Aubrey wanted to talk about Meltdown, and I knew she needed to talk about it. I knew my opinion wouldn’t do anything but piss her off though.
Oh well. Here goes nothing.
”I don’t think you’re going to be able to beat Vincent Pennington in a cage match.”
”Didn’t expect you to.”
”I mean… With Krunk in there, maybe something can happen. Maybe he’ll be on your side in this fight and—“
”Krunk’s NOT going to be taking my side in this fight. Those guys are different people when the bell rings. I saw it last week.”
”Then I stand by what I’ve said. He’s six foot nine… two hundred and sixty five pounds… Did you ‘see’ what happens when he snaps? He tried to break Logan’s neck. He gave you a concussion. He was teaming with Krunk and he was gonna hurt him too until Krunk got away. Except this week, Krunk can’t get away. Neither one of you can.
So if he decides to snap again, do you want me to sit here and tell you that you’re the better wrestler and you’re going to be able to find a way out of this, Aubs? Because that’s not how it works, and you know it. You want everybody to take you seriously here but you just can’t do that if you cut your career short by taking part in a dick measuring contest with a sadistic giant. Who do you have to prove anything to? Michael Lively? Krunk? Fuck Michael Lively.
Fuck Krunk.”
That one got her attention.
”If I were you, I wouldn’t care what anybody else thinks. I would listen to myself. If it’s worth it to you to put your career on the line in a cage match a week after you almost got your skull cracked open, then do it. I can only pray that you’re making the right choice. But Aubs…”
I leaned toward her and moved a hand up to her cheek, pushing her brown hair out of the way so I could look right into her eyes without there being a distraction. Not so much as a single strand of hair.
”You’ve done more in two months than anybody here ever thought you would’ve. Nobody’s going to think any less of you if you sit one out.”
”Yes. They will.”
So I considered that one. I took it in and allowed myself to think… And maybe she was right. Maybe those closed-minded pigs on Meltdown would think lowly of her.
”Well, I won’t.”
That one wasn’t a lie. Not even a small fib.
”Thanks.”
Aubrey pushed herself up off of the couch and crushed the remains of the granola bar’s wrapper into her fist. I don’t remember if we made eye contact anymore between that evening and the time we got to the airport, but I know she threw a hand up and cast a gaze, briefly in my direction.
”I’m going to bed. Make sure I don’t oversleep, would you?”
”Yeah. Night.”
Another wave. She wasn’t walking with that bubbly air of confidence I was used to seeing. No sassy strut. Nothing was the same with this Aubrey, and I knew exactly why. It wasn’t because she was hurt, but because she realized she wasn’t invincible. With or without Logan at her side, even the great Aubrey J. Parker was breakable. I couldn’t blame her for being so caught off guard and discouraged by the news, because to be honest…
It was news to me too.
~~~~~~~
Dear Vincent,
I don’t normally do this, but I decided to write you a letter this week, explaining my view on how things transpired at the end of the week last Monday. I understand that you attempted to apologize to me via Twitter last week, and I appreciate that, honestly. You reached out to me, as many others have done, and I commend you for that. You proved to me that you’re not heartless.
That doesn’t mean you’re not a coward.
I won’t be dishonest and try to convince you that I have any respect for you. I do not.
I’m not above holding a grudge for what you did to me last week and I will get my revenge. You attacked me out of spite. As usual, you couldn’t quite get the job done and I’m honestly sorry about that, but it’s not my problem. You’re not the Megastar that I am. You’re not the Megastar Logan Alexander is. There will come a time when you’ll accept that, and I’m eagerly awaiting that day. Maybe then, you’ll become better. When that day comes, you’ll stop riding the coattails of Sienna Harrison, someone who’s only riding the coattails of Evan Envi. Maybe I can provide that rude awakening that finally sends you over the edge and allows you to be the man you want to be.
You could be a monster if you really wanted to. I
You couldn’t do it though. When the heat was on and when everybody had their guard up, you looked like just another guy out there in that triple threat tag team match. And sure, you had your moments where you shined, but all of us did. Each one of us dominated that match at some point, but in a completely different way. It just so happened that your way wasn’t nearly enough to secure the win. It wasn’t enough to beat Lively one on one two weeks ago. It certainly won’t be enough to win the North American Title at One Night in Hell… And it won’t be enough to win this steel cage match in Chicago.
You will be losing this match, and it’s not simply because I want to win and prove a point. While it is about that, it’s more about humiliating you. I wish I could say I was the kind of person that could shake your hand, move on from the situation and wish you good luck in this match, but I’ve just never been that kind of girl.
I hope you fall from the highest point of the cage and land on the back of your neck.
I hope you’re rendered paralyzed and you’re unable to compete for the rest of your natural born life. You’ll spend the rest of your days eating through a tube and you won’t be able to use the bathroom unless somebody’s assisting you.
Most importantly, I hope I’m the one to do that to you.
I don’t know how I’ll do it or what I’ll have to go through to do it, but I’m going to survive this cage match. And if I don’t, Vince, I promise you that I’m dragging you down to Hell with me long before October 28th except it’s not going to be one night. It’s going to be your permanent home, inside your own body and mind.
Don’t ask me how.
Just understand that it will get done.
Don’t ask me how.
Understand that you’re not leaving this cage under your own power.
Fuck you,
Aubrey J. Parker
~~~~~~~
oct.14.twelve
I read the letter and expressed a long groan. We were sitting in the airport at LAX at six o’clock in the morning and I barely had the wherewithal to react. I couldn’t register what I was reading, but they looked like threats. If someone didn’t know Aubrey, they might confuse it for a softly worded death threat.
”You SENT this to Vincent?”
”I sent it to Sienna. She’ll deliver it to Vincent.”
”Aubs, you can’t just—he almost—“
I was overtaken with panic. Before, I thought she was just going to lose the cage match, but now I wasn’t even sure if she was going to make it out.
”Logan can’t save you. All of the other title match participants are banned from ringside. What the hell are you doing?!”
”I’m tired of it.”
She looked at me with a lack of amusement and a lack of concern on her face.
”If they want to find a scapegoat, that’s fine. Let them have one, but I won’t be it. Vincent’s just one of them, Cass. Krunk may not have attacked me last week, but he let it happen. I put him down in the middle of the ring and I had that win snatched right out from beneath me. After what he said to me before the match, he’s just as bad, and everything I said to Vincent goes equally for Krunk.”
Why do I even try? I don’t think she’d even been listening to me anyway, so I let her continue.
”The things he said to me were foul, and they’re the same things that I hear whispered around corners every week.
Krunk never wanted to give me a chance as a wrestler. He dismissed me as some sort of two-dollar bimbo that was willing to drop my pants for him because I was told to. He’s another member… Of the ignorant masses that think I should be washing clothes, making fucking turkey sandwiches while he does the heavy lifting.
Krunk was the weakest link in the tag team match last week and the same thing’s bound to happen at One Night in Hell. He’s not as fast as me or Logan, not as strong as Shadow or Pennington… And he’s not as smart as Michael Lively. Krunk was always the odd man in this situation, and it’s going to become excruciatingly obvious tomorrow night when he fails to beat me in a steel cage.”
”What’s stopping him?”
”Me.”
”How?”
”Cass, I don’t know. I just can’t let them win. I can’t let either of them walk out of that cage with—“
”Aubrey, if you go in there, they’re just going to—“
She held up a hand to silence me, and I obliged. I was done.
”I’ve already told Pennington what’s going to happen.”
Somewhere over the intercom, I heard that our flight was boarding, but I didn’t move. Everyone else moved around us—but not us.
”I think it’s good that Krunk knows as well. Cass, I have no idea how I’m going to do it. But they won’t win.”
And for that split second, maybe I believed her.
fin
Edited at 8:05 PM to fix coding!
