Post by The Smooth One on Dec 8, 2012 0:43:39 GMT -4
[glow=red,2,300]There is a difference between conceit and confidence. Conceit is bragging about yourself. Confidence means you believe you can get the job done.”[/glow]
The Smooth Journal: I didn’t see that coming!!!
This morning while I am outside raking leaves minding my own business and my neighbor comes across the street to chit chat?? Now normally my neighbor doesn’t have much to say, because he is COP!! He is on “COP” 24/7 and well is just kind of “COPISH” if that is a word? He is an ok guy once you get to know him. I had him over for a cookout once; him and his son. I think his son is a little slow though? One day I was out front and I have a lot of sports equipment in my truck. I said hey kid catch….and I threw him a football!! He didn’t even try to catch it… He moved out of the way? I thought to myself “these kids today” too many damned video games!! He would not even get the ball and throw it back. I had to walk across the street and get it myself. I guess I should have known when they told me that he was home schooled that the elevator wasn’t going all the way to the top.
Officer Friendly: “Hey D”
He thinks he can call me”D” because he saw my name on one my degrees and started beating me about the head about my middle name being Derek and his first name being Derek???
Hello Derek…How are you?
I am well…ummm what are you doing?
What does it look like I am doing?
Well it looks like your raking?
Very Good!!! You win a gold star!!!!
But, ummmm…you don’t rake? As a matter of fact you don’t do yard work? I have been living across the street from you for years and I’ve never seen you outside doing anything? Cutting grass, pruning,....nothing!!
Hold up that is not true!!! I shovel my own snow!!! No one else in the neighborhood even shovels! Anyway…I am out here raking because I am trying to relax myself…I have a big match on Sunday.
A big match? Oh you mean a big court case!!! What is it about?
It’s about a guy who killed his nosy neighbor and his athletically challenged son!
What?
Nothing (shrugging) …I have a wrestling match on Sunday versus Yarmouth.
Who?
Yarmouth?
What is a Yarmouth?
He’s a wrestler!
You’re a wrestler now?
Amongst other things… yes?
When did you start doing that?
Well I have always wanted to wrestle since I was a little FELLA. I used to make wrestling belts out of aluminum foil and cardboard. I can remember my mom going bananas because all of her Reynolds wrap was gone!! Wait…why am I telling you all of this? What do you want?
Well I don’t often see you outside …I see you come and go and tons of women in an out oh and I see your dad all the time, but I certainly have never seen in your yard. Where your landscaper?
He went out of business! The economy sucks or hadn’t you noticed. Wait, you see my Dad all the time?
Yes, in the last few months he’s been over almost every day. I thought he was just keeping an eye on the place?
That old scoundrel!!! I was wondering why my house smelled like whipped cream and chocolate sauce and now I know where all that got damn glitter came from!
Tell me more about this Yarmouth person you are wrestling?
Well remember a few years ago when you had a routine traffic stop and the person wouldn’t get out of the car?
Yes?
And you called for backup and like 4 other squad cars came.
Yes!!
And then when he did get out you all had your weapons drawn and you asked him to get on his knees and put his hands behind his back?
Ummm Hmmm
You cuffed him and tried to put him in the back of your squad car…
Yes…and he broke loose and kicked two officers in the face and knocked out their front teeth. Then he grabbed another officer body slammed him so hard he snapped two vertebrae. Then he grabbed a female office and well she got hurt the most he kept screaming out “mama why ..mama why” as he bashed her head into the ground repeatedly. She had to leave the force because her short term memory was shot…like that fish in Finding Nemo. Then he grabbed me in some kind of front face lock choke hold but right before I was completely unconscious I saw him walk to this car; hop in; and ride off like it wasn’t anything. You know they never caught that guy??
That was Yarmouth!!
*Officer Friendly looks terrified*…Ummm…good luck with that.
Officer Friendly scurries back across the street
Well I know how to get rid of his ass in the future!!!
YELLING
“I’ll make sure I give him your number when I see him!! Maybe he can come over and play catch with your son!!”
*Cause he’s a Smooth Operator….Smooooooooooooooooooth Operator…...Coast to Coast ..LA to Chicago..
The Smooth cell phone rings…
Hello!
I QUIT!!!!
Ms. Jones??’
Yes!
What are you talking about?
*thinking I was going to replace you after the New Year anyway*
I am giving notice, terminating employment, done, finished, Audi 5000 G, deuces, peace, rolling out….C-ya wouldn’t want to be ya!!!
Ummm…. Why??
I got a Jr. Analyst position with another law firm…so my last day is Friday!
Wow…well ..I am sorry to see you go, but I love to watch you leave!
What?
Nothing (shrugging)…well congrats! I am really happy for you and proud of you too. I didn’t know you were looking, but I knew you had greater aspirations than being a secretary.
Yes…I want to one day go to school and practice family law.
*Excitedly*I had no idea you had a passion for the law. I remember when……
*Boooop* as Ms. Jones pressed a button on the keypad to interrupt the story.
Hold up!!..You’ve told me this story before and you don’t know that I want to go to law school because you never listen to me.
What?
See what I mean…
*chuckling* I was listening. You want to be a rocket scientist and I think that is great. I mean you don’t know what NASA stands for and you think the Dagobah system is a real place, but you do your thing.
You are not funny!!
I am sorry..I really am happy for me..I mean you. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know.
Well there is something you can do?
Sure you name it!
Well, now that I don’t work for you any more I was wondering if we could talk about us?
What about us?
I mean us…as in US ..US!
Oh…you mean US ..US!!
Yes…ummm well Ms. Jones
Anika..please call me Anika
Ummm…Anika. Cute…I thought your first name was Miss?
Did you even read my resume?
You submitted a resume?
Yes!!
Do you own and red dress…snug in the back..cut low in the front?
Yes?
I remember your resume now!!
You are something else!!
I am something!
How about this funny man…How does boot taste?
What?
How does boot taste? Uncle Fester’s boot..I saw him beat that ass!
I don’t know what you are talking about?
I bet you don’t because he kicked you a lobotomy!!
*chuckling* A HA Ha ha…not!!
I told you Mr. “Yooooooou Rang” was going to get you. You need to be more dedicated to your craft!!
I told you that “yoooooooou rang” is not Fester ..it’s Lurch and I am dedicated!
Really? what are you doing right now?
Talking on the phone with you?
Before you started talking to me?
Umm..talking to my neighbor and raking leaves.
Raking leaves??? *I can sense Ms. Jones is starting at the phone in amazement* You don’t do yard work?
Whatever…what is your point?
You need to be working out or watching footage or something. ... Raking leaves!!!
But, there are a lot of them?
So what…you have better things to do…you said you wanted to wrestle…you said you wanted to be the best. A CHAMPION…what CHAMPION do you know that is outside raking fucking leaves.
It’s good exercise!!
OMG….I don’t know what I am going to do with you. You’ve got Yarmouth next right.?
Uh hun..
Didn’t I see him kick somebody’s head off their shoulders last
week?
Well..kind of…there was a little piece of skin holding it on.
Do you want to be the next fool running around here with your head dangling off of your shoulders hanging from a little piece skin?
No….* sulking*
Well let’s get that cute ass in gear!!
You think my ass is cute?
Focus William!!
You started it…what are you my manager now?
I should be..you need one!!
I am doing fine…I am on Asylum…I am in the Tap Out Gauntlet …I am moving and shaking..Ha!!
Yeah you are doing ok, but you could be doing better.
I am doing my best!
No you are NOT!!..you need to approach this match with the same passion that you attack your court cases…the way you make love!!
What?
I mean…the same attention you pay mastering the art of .....”you fill in the blank” is the same way you need to attack Yarmouth and the rest of your wrestling career.
Hey …I don’t know that you can talk to me like this! There have been cats that have come and gone since I laid foot in APW. I have impressed the brass, the fans and the in ring talent. I am earning my stripes and in this gauntlet series I am going to take my game to the next level and beating Yarmouth will just be the beginning of my ascension.
There you go!! That’s what I am talking about..there is the passion I was looking for!! Now let’s talk about US..
Hey Ms. Jones….I have to go watch some footage and I have time for a workout and a massage!
WILLIAM!!!
I’d….*interference* too *interference* you *interference* US *interference* later *interference*
WHAT?
Talk to you later!!!
DON’T YOU HA……………………..Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!!!!
*snicker*
The Smooth One drops the rake and heads indoors to see the red light on his house phone flashing. “Damn it’s the firm”!!! “Please enter your password and press the pound sign*
WILLIAM I KNOW YOU JUST DIND HANG UP ON ME! YOU THINK YOU ARE FUNNY!! TRY NOT TO GET KICKED IN THE FACE ON SUNDAY!!! BYE!!
*laughing*
I certainly didn’t see that coming, but I could certainly consider Ms. Jones…I mean Anika as a love interest, but right now I have to focus on Yarmouth. I want to be Tap Out Champ and I have to go through Yar to get there. It is time for me to rise to the occasion, feed off the energy of the crowd and defeats the legend that is Yarmouth. It is possible he’ll take me lightly, maybe he’ll look and see a man that is half a foot shorter, considerably lighter, not as experienced and figure this will be a easy work. *chuckling* Nah… he has been in this business way too long to sleep on anyone. He knows that on any given night ..you can get pinned, you could tap out..hell get knocked out. I know this match will be heavy lifting and that Yar is no slouch, but I am going to use my superior wrestling ability, my agility and quickness and I’ll get the job done.
I have a big surprise for the fans and for Yarmouth and at the end of the night…I'll have nothing but mad respect for Yar, but he is going to tap out and he’ll get nothing …..and like it.
OUT
The Smooth Journal: I didn’t see that coming!!!
This morning while I am outside raking leaves minding my own business and my neighbor comes across the street to chit chat?? Now normally my neighbor doesn’t have much to say, because he is COP!! He is on “COP” 24/7 and well is just kind of “COPISH” if that is a word? He is an ok guy once you get to know him. I had him over for a cookout once; him and his son. I think his son is a little slow though? One day I was out front and I have a lot of sports equipment in my truck. I said hey kid catch….and I threw him a football!! He didn’t even try to catch it… He moved out of the way? I thought to myself “these kids today” too many damned video games!! He would not even get the ball and throw it back. I had to walk across the street and get it myself. I guess I should have known when they told me that he was home schooled that the elevator wasn’t going all the way to the top.
Officer Friendly: “Hey D”
He thinks he can call me”D” because he saw my name on one my degrees and started beating me about the head about my middle name being Derek and his first name being Derek???
Hello Derek…How are you?
I am well…ummm what are you doing?
What does it look like I am doing?
Well it looks like your raking?
Very Good!!! You win a gold star!!!!
But, ummmm…you don’t rake? As a matter of fact you don’t do yard work? I have been living across the street from you for years and I’ve never seen you outside doing anything? Cutting grass, pruning,....nothing!!
Hold up that is not true!!! I shovel my own snow!!! No one else in the neighborhood even shovels! Anyway…I am out here raking because I am trying to relax myself…I have a big match on Sunday.
A big match? Oh you mean a big court case!!! What is it about?
It’s about a guy who killed his nosy neighbor and his athletically challenged son!
What?
Nothing (shrugging) …I have a wrestling match on Sunday versus Yarmouth.
Who?
Yarmouth?
What is a Yarmouth?
He’s a wrestler!
You’re a wrestler now?
Amongst other things… yes?
When did you start doing that?
Well I have always wanted to wrestle since I was a little FELLA. I used to make wrestling belts out of aluminum foil and cardboard. I can remember my mom going bananas because all of her Reynolds wrap was gone!! Wait…why am I telling you all of this? What do you want?
Well I don’t often see you outside …I see you come and go and tons of women in an out oh and I see your dad all the time, but I certainly have never seen in your yard. Where your landscaper?
He went out of business! The economy sucks or hadn’t you noticed. Wait, you see my Dad all the time?
Yes, in the last few months he’s been over almost every day. I thought he was just keeping an eye on the place?
That old scoundrel!!! I was wondering why my house smelled like whipped cream and chocolate sauce and now I know where all that got damn glitter came from!
Tell me more about this Yarmouth person you are wrestling?
Well remember a few years ago when you had a routine traffic stop and the person wouldn’t get out of the car?
Yes?
And you called for backup and like 4 other squad cars came.
Yes!!
And then when he did get out you all had your weapons drawn and you asked him to get on his knees and put his hands behind his back?
Ummm Hmmm
You cuffed him and tried to put him in the back of your squad car…
Yes…and he broke loose and kicked two officers in the face and knocked out their front teeth. Then he grabbed another officer body slammed him so hard he snapped two vertebrae. Then he grabbed a female office and well she got hurt the most he kept screaming out “mama why ..mama why” as he bashed her head into the ground repeatedly. She had to leave the force because her short term memory was shot…like that fish in Finding Nemo. Then he grabbed me in some kind of front face lock choke hold but right before I was completely unconscious I saw him walk to this car; hop in; and ride off like it wasn’t anything. You know they never caught that guy??
That was Yarmouth!!
*Officer Friendly looks terrified*…Ummm…good luck with that.
Officer Friendly scurries back across the street
Well I know how to get rid of his ass in the future!!!
YELLING
“I’ll make sure I give him your number when I see him!! Maybe he can come over and play catch with your son!!”
*Cause he’s a Smooth Operator….Smooooooooooooooooooth Operator…...Coast to Coast ..LA to Chicago..
The Smooth cell phone rings…
Hello!
I QUIT!!!!
Ms. Jones??’
Yes!
What are you talking about?
*thinking I was going to replace you after the New Year anyway*
I am giving notice, terminating employment, done, finished, Audi 5000 G, deuces, peace, rolling out….C-ya wouldn’t want to be ya!!!
Ummm…. Why??
I got a Jr. Analyst position with another law firm…so my last day is Friday!
Wow…well ..I am sorry to see you go, but I love to watch you leave!
What?
Nothing (shrugging)…well congrats! I am really happy for you and proud of you too. I didn’t know you were looking, but I knew you had greater aspirations than being a secretary.
Yes…I want to one day go to school and practice family law.
*Excitedly*I had no idea you had a passion for the law. I remember when……
*Boooop* as Ms. Jones pressed a button on the keypad to interrupt the story.
Hold up!!..You’ve told me this story before and you don’t know that I want to go to law school because you never listen to me.
What?
See what I mean…
*chuckling* I was listening. You want to be a rocket scientist and I think that is great. I mean you don’t know what NASA stands for and you think the Dagobah system is a real place, but you do your thing.
You are not funny!!
I am sorry..I really am happy for me..I mean you. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know.
Well there is something you can do?
Sure you name it!
Well, now that I don’t work for you any more I was wondering if we could talk about us?
What about us?
I mean us…as in US ..US!
Oh…you mean US ..US!!
Yes…ummm well Ms. Jones
Anika..please call me Anika
Ummm…Anika. Cute…I thought your first name was Miss?
Did you even read my resume?
You submitted a resume?
Yes!!
Do you own and red dress…snug in the back..cut low in the front?
Yes?
I remember your resume now!!
You are something else!!
I am something!
How about this funny man…How does boot taste?
What?
How does boot taste? Uncle Fester’s boot..I saw him beat that ass!
I don’t know what you are talking about?
I bet you don’t because he kicked you a lobotomy!!
*chuckling* A HA Ha ha…not!!
I told you Mr. “Yooooooou Rang” was going to get you. You need to be more dedicated to your craft!!
I told you that “yoooooooou rang” is not Fester ..it’s Lurch and I am dedicated!
Really? what are you doing right now?
Talking on the phone with you?
Before you started talking to me?
Umm..talking to my neighbor and raking leaves.
Raking leaves??? *I can sense Ms. Jones is starting at the phone in amazement* You don’t do yard work?
Whatever…what is your point?
You need to be working out or watching footage or something. ... Raking leaves!!!
But, there are a lot of them?
So what…you have better things to do…you said you wanted to wrestle…you said you wanted to be the best. A CHAMPION…what CHAMPION do you know that is outside raking fucking leaves.
It’s good exercise!!
OMG….I don’t know what I am going to do with you. You’ve got Yarmouth next right.?
Uh hun..
Didn’t I see him kick somebody’s head off their shoulders last
week?
Well..kind of…there was a little piece of skin holding it on.
Do you want to be the next fool running around here with your head dangling off of your shoulders hanging from a little piece skin?
No….* sulking*
Well let’s get that cute ass in gear!!
You think my ass is cute?
Focus William!!
You started it…what are you my manager now?
I should be..you need one!!
I am doing fine…I am on Asylum…I am in the Tap Out Gauntlet …I am moving and shaking..Ha!!
Yeah you are doing ok, but you could be doing better.
I am doing my best!
No you are NOT!!..you need to approach this match with the same passion that you attack your court cases…the way you make love!!
What?
I mean…the same attention you pay mastering the art of .....”you fill in the blank” is the same way you need to attack Yarmouth and the rest of your wrestling career.
Hey …I don’t know that you can talk to me like this! There have been cats that have come and gone since I laid foot in APW. I have impressed the brass, the fans and the in ring talent. I am earning my stripes and in this gauntlet series I am going to take my game to the next level and beating Yarmouth will just be the beginning of my ascension.
There you go!! That’s what I am talking about..there is the passion I was looking for!! Now let’s talk about US..
Hey Ms. Jones….I have to go watch some footage and I have time for a workout and a massage!
WILLIAM!!!
I’d….*interference* too *interference* you *interference* US *interference* later *interference*
WHAT?
Talk to you later!!!
DON’T YOU HA……………………..Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!!!!
*snicker*
The Smooth One drops the rake and heads indoors to see the red light on his house phone flashing. “Damn it’s the firm”!!! “Please enter your password and press the pound sign*
WILLIAM I KNOW YOU JUST DIND HANG UP ON ME! YOU THINK YOU ARE FUNNY!! TRY NOT TO GET KICKED IN THE FACE ON SUNDAY!!! BYE!!
*laughing*
I certainly didn’t see that coming, but I could certainly consider Ms. Jones…I mean Anika as a love interest, but right now I have to focus on Yarmouth. I want to be Tap Out Champ and I have to go through Yar to get there. It is time for me to rise to the occasion, feed off the energy of the crowd and defeats the legend that is Yarmouth. It is possible he’ll take me lightly, maybe he’ll look and see a man that is half a foot shorter, considerably lighter, not as experienced and figure this will be a easy work. *chuckling* Nah… he has been in this business way too long to sleep on anyone. He knows that on any given night ..you can get pinned, you could tap out..hell get knocked out. I know this match will be heavy lifting and that Yar is no slouch, but I am going to use my superior wrestling ability, my agility and quickness and I’ll get the job done.
I have a big surprise for the fans and for Yarmouth and at the end of the night…I'll have nothing but mad respect for Yar, but he is going to tap out and he’ll get nothing …..and like it.
OUT
