Post by THERE IS A GOD on Feb 16, 2008 0:43:29 GMT -4
RATED R
For Violence, Language, Partial Nudity, and Sexual References
All Children under 17 must be accompanied by an adult
THUD! The sound echoed across the back halls of the arena. THUD! THUD! Action Packed Wrestling had just finished a fantastic show in Quebec, but there was still one more event. THUD! THUD! It was typical to book a house show just before or after a televised event. THUD! And that’s exactly what this was. A wannabe overdrive that was a hell of a lot cheaper! THUD!
The fans began to fill the seats, as Security gathered, and made there way to the origins of the sound. . Most of them were college students trying to get ahead in life. All of them scared. THUD! THUD! THUD! The four guards hesitated as they came to the height of the sound, a locker room. One of them moved towards the handle. His hands shaking, his moves less than accurate, his focus fragmented. He looked back to his comrades, and the three nodded reluctantly. The bravest of them opened the door to find none other than our friendly neighborhood marine practicing Muy Thai-style knee strikes on the support pillar in his locker room.
“Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?!” One of the security guards asked.
“Wrong Messiah, but that was close.” The KaotiK One replied.
“Listen. Just knock it off before you bring the arena down around our ears.” The bravest of the guards spoke, and left, shaking his head as the others followed behind him muttering under their collective breath.
He just couldn’t get it. What the hell was wrong with the world? Everyone was so scared, so quick to pass judgment, and cast blame. Why the hell was that. How big of a person can one be when they can’t even say anything, let alone something to your face. Egos so frail, are so easily crushed! Everybody here is so hidden. So cowardly. How the fuck is someone to get noticed when they stay to themselves all the time. Always talking behind your opponents back doesn’t do a god damn thing but prove that you can’t back it up. The marine hated that. Hated that about people. Hated that about everything. It was just fucking practice to Kenny. Trying to shake the rust off from three years outside of CQC (Close Quarters Combat). For Kaos sake the sound was just the echo in the ventilation system. Do you know the size of the vents places like this have?
Kenny’s attention went to the cameraman that followed the guards.
“You can stay.” The KaotiK within showed through those piercing green hazel eyes, as a cocky half grin slithered across his lips like a snake about to strike.
The marine pulled his sunglasses from where they hung on his black wife beater, and his dog tags from the white muscle shirt that lay underneath. The glasses went on, as Lambardo walked past the cameraman, and out the door to the left. The camera followed as if by the will of god, to see the four letters tattooed to the back of his neck in a black gothic-style print “USMC”. The four letters that changed his life as it did to the lives of so many before him.
The KaotiK made his way through the backstage, his combat boots rhythmically echoing each step as he walked in a march-style fashion. Truly this was a man on a mission. Finally he reached his destination: The APW Audio Visual Trailer. The sergeant made his way up the stairs, knocking loudly on the door.
“Pizza Dude?” A voice came from within.
“Sure.” Kenny replied. “Why the hell not?” He snickered to himself.
And a fat, geeky, Gordon Schumway-looking mother fucker came to answer.
“Your not the Pizza Dude.” The AV guy said in disappointment.
“Do I look like the fucking Pizza Dude.” The KaotiK replied as he made his way past the mass of a man.
Kenny made his way to one of the computers, and began clicking away on the keyboard. He looked up to the monitors every once in a while.
“What the hell are you doing?” Another of the tech geeks asked frantically.
“Whatever the hell I want!” Lambardo answered as he clicked one final key.
At that the camera goes snowy for a moment, replacing the APW logo with the words “KAOS KAM” in the bottom right corner of your screen. The image fumbles, as the cameraman checks what the hell happened.
“What the… Hey! I’m responsible for that!” A voice is heard from the background, as the camera fumbles again, just barely catching the cameraman falling down the steel stairs out of the right corner.
“Just tell Jeff that it was a random act of Kaos!” Kenny’s voice replied from off screen as he pointed the camera at the fallen cameraman. “Trust me. He’ll understand.”
The camera quickly views a microphone that gets snatched by Lambardo’s leather clad hand, before moving down the stairs, and back tracks through the halls until it approached a very particular locker room, for what good is Kaos without a girl to hang on his arm? He opens the door to the sounds of a running shower, but first the camera zooms in on the nicest ass you’ve ever hoped to see.
The crowd explodes, chanting “KAOS!” STOMP! STOMP1
“KAOS!” STOMP! STOMP!
The girl whips her long dark hair over her head, as she pulls up her black g-string. She snaps on a black leather mini-skirt, followed by the bra.
The crowd boos in disappointment.
The girl turns to see Kenny with the camera. “Kenny!” The Hardcore Princess exclaimed. “What do you have to say for yourself?!”
“Hey baby. You wanna get down with Kaos?” The KaotiK replied with a devilish grin that could be seen even off camera.
“Kris?” Fyre Angel’s voice called from the bathroom, as Kenny turns the camera to see Fyre in nothing but a towel. “Did you steal my mini-skirt again?”
Fyre Angel walks out to see Kristina, and to her surprise Sergeant Lambardo with a camera. “What the fuck do you think your doing?”
“Having a three-way if you two don’t put some clothes on.” He replied.
Kristina takes a quick glance to the KaotiK KoK, and then looks to Fyre Angel. “Uh… Angel…” Kristina glanced back to Kenny’s crotch, with a smile. “I don’t think that he’s joking this time.”
Kalayla turned her back to the camera, and dropped the towel, leaving her in the same position that Kristina Blackwell was in when Kenny first entered the room. She pulled up a pink thong over her bare naked ass. Not quite as nice as Kristina’s then again this story is told through the eyes of Kaos. Next are black fishnet stockings, and the bra. Always with the fucking bra!
Kristina threw her a black miniskirt, she quickly slipped into, followed by a red tank. Kristina threw a hot pink fishnet shirt over her bra. This was her version of a shirt apparently, which was no problem with Kaos by any means.
Kristina, and Fyre Angel zipped each of their knee-high boots slowly. The fucking teases, the both of them, I swear it!
Kristina looked to Kenny. “So what the hell are you doing with that camera anyway? Besides sneaking into my room, and showing our asses to a live audience.”
The fans cheer.
“That’s exactly it! I’m making a porno! The KaotiK replied.
The fans cheer louder.
“So does that mean I get to tape you getting dressed to?” Kristina asked with a seductive smile.
“No, but you can help me get undressed later if you really want.”
“Oh my god I’m leaving.” Fyre Angel interjected. “The two of you will never change.”
“Your not going anywhere!” Kristina leaped from the bench latching onto Kalayla before she had the chance to make it out the door.
“Yeah you can’t go! Your part of the crew. The old family. We’re the last of it.” The marine said, as the camera panned over the two girls.
“Seriously, what are you doing?” Fyre Angel asked.
Kenny took a deep breath. “Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages! The Reign of Kaos…” He pauses for a moment. “No. Not the Reign of Kaos anymore…” He tries again. Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages! D Generation X. Proudly brings to you…” He pauses again, a bit longer this time. “No. That wasn’t right either.” Kenny looks to Kristina with a grin, and continues. “I got it! Ladies and Gentleman! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages! Sex and Violence. Proudly bring to you. Everything that is wrong with television today! Live on APW KAOS KAM! Brought to you by MONSTER ENERGY. Unleash the Beast!
“You really do have way too much fun with this shit don’t you?” Kristina asked giggling.
“Don’t you know it.” He replied.
“Actually I’m glad that you came by. Trevor left this for you. Said you deserved it.”
She reached into her locker, and pulled from it a black leather biker jacket. The back patched with an inverted anarchy emblem, and the words “Sons of Carthage”, around it. Kenny again flashed that cocky trademarked grin, as he traded camera for jacket with Kristina. The camera fumbled, and made its way to Lambardo, as he adorned the Blackwell’s armor.
Kristina giggled. “Looks like I get to tape you getting dressed after all.”
Kenny turned towards the mirror, and pulled his green beret from the back of his digital camouflage pants. It fit snuggly in place, almost perfect. Well as perfect as one could get at least.
“So how do you feel Sergeant?” The Hardcore Princess asked the marine. “You got your first match in years this coming Monday.”
“You scared Kaos?” Fyre Angel asked sarcastically.
“What?” Lambardo asked, another grin passing his lips. “Is this my interview?”
“Guess so.” Angel replied.
“Actually I have a match right now!” The KaotiK answered with half cocked smile. “Or I will as soon as I get my ass down to the ring!” He looked at his watch. “If I got this timed right I should be able to get down there before they actually start the first match. And as long as Trevor is late as usual, things should go out without a hitch.”
“No! I know that smirk Kenny! What the hell are you planning in that KaotiK little skull of yours, you fucking sociopath! Kristina yelled.
“I’m just following orders like a good little soldier boy. You were the one that said everyone around here needed a little Kaos in their lives.”
The KaotiK turned, the girls instinctively following behind. The camera fumbles again as Kristina hands it off to Fyre Angel. Kristina runs past Kenny, hopping as she snatches the beret from his head. She puts some distance between the two of them, turning on heel, and walking backwards as she fixes the Special Forces symbol to her own head. Kenny stops with a smile no doubt on his face, as Kristina begins to mock him. Having so much fun in the little play that she had created for herself, she ran back first into the chest of yet another mass of a man. Sabur. Kristina turned on heel no longer the playful inner child that she had just exposed. She looked up at the behemoth. The height wasn’t the thing that made this behemoth so intimidating to behold. Hell at 6’2” he was as tall as Kaos himself. It was the width. There was roughly 300 pounds in that six feet, and that’s a lot of man.
The monster spoke. “Excuse me miss.” His voice was high pitched, and a bit squeaky. Something like Mike Tyson. “Do you know where the bathroom is?” He asked as he performed a pee pee dance as seen by eight year olds in the store with their parents.
Kristina giggled as she pointed to the door that was right to her right. The hammer waddled into the bathroom, probably sideways so that he can fit.
“I remember that guy.” Kaos said as he and a camera wielding Fyre Angel closed in on his position. “So let’s see what he has to say about our match on Overdrive.”
“While he’s in the bathroom?” Fyre Angel asked.
“Why the fuck not?” The KaotiK responded.
The three move into the men’s room to find Sabur hard at work with one of the urinals. Kenny takes the urinal next to him, and also begins a piss that only 48 oz. of Monster could produce.
“Sabur!” Kenny exclaimed.
Sabur quickly zipped. “Look. I’ve gone to lengths to get autographs myself, but cornering a guy when he’s trying to take a piss.” He turns to face his intruder. “That’s a whole new… RANDY ORTIN!” His tone quickly changed as he mistook Sgt. Lambardo for the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. “Can I please have your autograph sir?”
The KaotiK cocked his head to the left, and attempted a “people’s eyebrow”. As we all know though, only the Rock could make such a ridiculous thing look cool, so the sergeant fails miserably. Critical miss!
The Hammer reached into his back pocket to retrieve a pen, and an autograph book. He handed the two to Kaos, who immediately began to write, still taking his wiz. He handed everything back to its owner, who looked in disgust to see the signature of “The Ego Crusher” Kenny Lambardo.
“Your not Randy Ortin!” His face went blood red in anger, his fists clamped tight.
“No I’m not. Since you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. Just in case you can’t read. I am Sergeant Kennith Lambardo Jr. esq. But you’ll come to know me as Kaos. Really all I wanted to say was may the best man win.”
“Now I remember you. I have a match with you this Monday at Overdrive.”
“Yes you do my large friend. However, I do believe that a thank you is in order.”
“Your welcome. I know how it must feel to be in the ring with one of the biggest up and coming wrestlers in the industry today.”
The “KAOS KAM” cuts from the Titontron as Action Packed Wrestling begins another house show match with the music of a transsexual lucha libre in a cowboy hat calling itself Michael Jackson Saxton.
Back in the men’s bathroom
Fyre lowers the camera, looking at Lambardo almost worried.
“What’s the matter Angel?” Kenny asked.
“The feed just cut.” She replied
“LIKE FUCK IT DID!”
Kaos stormed from the room. As the music of an oversized pimp drug kingpin named Big Angry Dude began to play, introducing yet another contender.
“Hey!” Sabur yelled to the KaotiK. “Where are you guys going? Don’t you want to talk about the match? Oh yeah… I forgot… Everyone around here is completely bonkers!”
“Great.” Kristina said to herself as she followed the KaotiK. “Now you’ve gone and pissed him off. Do these guys have any idea how fucking hard it is to deal with a pissed off Kaos?”
“This is going to be great!” Fyre Angel threw her two cents in.
So let us see. We have a force of nature running through the back stage about to do Kaos knows what. Following on the nicest legs in the business is the Hardcore Princess Kristina Blackwell, and Fyre Angel Kalayla Mitchell. A match between two no-name jobbers in the ring. You see though, Kenny and Kristina are wolves. And wolves fight in packs. And there was yet another wolf knocking on the door of the Audio Visual Trailer. Late as usual, but Kenny’s run in with Saber made him late as well. Which made the wolf at the AV Trailer right on time.
“Pizza Dude?” A voice answered from within.
“Sure.” The Career Killer replied. “Why the fuck not?”
Starting to look familiar to anybody?
The door opens, and the same fat ass answers. “Your not the pizza dude either.”
And in the world of Trevor Blackwell that translated into: “please swat me with your Singapore Cane Mr. Blackwell”. Trevor was glad to oblige. The fatman’s face splattered across the Singapore Cane as a peasant’s to a Samurai’s blade.
Trevor stood over the fallen techie, resisting the urge for a crucifix pose. “Do I look like the fucking Pizza Dude?”
Trevor entered the Audio Visual Trailer, immediately wrapping his Cane around the neck of some unsuspecting Tech geek.
“I want the “KAOS KAM” back up and running NOW! Or your going to look like your friend on the floor outside. Well maybe not. I don’t even think I could cause enough damage to do what nature did to that poor boy. But you get the hint. RIGHT!?”
The Tech geek clicks away on his keyboard.
“Kenny!” Fyre Angel called to her KaotiK Kompanian, as they made it to the seating entrance.
“Yes my dear?” The marine halted, turning on heel to face Angel.
The pyromaniac mounted the camera back on her shoulder. “KAOS KAM” is back online!”
“Excellent!” Kenny smiled arrogantly.
Back at the AV Trailer.
“Okay. I know what your doing.” Trevor said to himself. “Hit Sergeant Lambardo’s music now!”
Inside the arena goes dark, bringing the match to a halt, and an all too familiar sound to two of the three standing at the seating entrance echoes through the arena. “OH!” “OH!” “OH KAOS YOU’RE A GOD!” Dimebag Darryl’s guitar screeches through the air with “Walk” by Pantera to introduce what was only a rumor but a few weeks ago. The crowd sang along. “RE!” “SPECT!” “WALK!”
Kaos entered the audience seating area, and the song came to a record scratching halt.
Kenny pulled the microphone from his pocket, and brought it to his lips. “Hey I got a new dance for you all. We call it the Soldier Boy!”
With that the heavy drums of one Travis barker tested the power of the speakers, with “Soulja Boy” coming in loud, and clear behind it. The three made their way through the crowd, as fans reached to get a touch of the KaotiK.
“What the hell is this!?” Harvey asked confused. “I don’t have anything like this on my schedule. And who the hell does that entrance music belong to?”
“I’ll tell you exactly who it is.” An answer came from an unknown voice. Harvey turned to where his partner Chase would be, only to find that he had run off into the crowd. In his place was one Tony Blackwell. “That is none other than The Ego Crusher Kenny Lambardo. A High Flying God if you’ve done your homework.”
Kenny and friends make their way to the bottom of the crowd, and Kaos leaps onto the guardrail twisting to face the crowd with a patented “I am God” pose that leaves the two in the ring less than amused. From here the KaotiK leaps again from guardrail to ring apron, striking yet another “I am God” pose, as Kristina goes to join her brother.
“And…” His voice shaky. “Who are you?”
“He, my dear underpaid commentator,” Kristina responded, taking the headphones from Harvey’s head, “would be my big brother Tony. You can leave now.”
And he did. Kenny climbed into the ring, as his music cut, and he again brought the mic to his lips. “Okay guys. Match is over. Time to leave. Think of me as an invading country that just stole the five minutes of camera time that you spent the last five years working up to.”
The two in the ring appear less than happy with the display of arrogance that the KaotiK One is so famous for. The ref gets in his face grabbing him, and motioning as if to kick Kaos out of the ring.
“That was the smartest thing that he could of done.” Tony said sarcastically.
Lambardo turns as if to leave the ring, the ref turning his attention back to the match at hand. At the last second Kaos springboards off the middle rope, latching onto the referee with his knees in the ref’s back nailing a signature Coward’s Mark. The two jobbers look to Kaos, glancing back at each other, and then again to mad man before them. Michel J. Saxton charges, followed by Angry Dude. Saxton goes for a flying clothesline, but is easily ducked by the marine. Dude attempts for a spear, but the KaotiK instinctively rolls over his now opponents back, and onto his feet again, causing the behemoth to nail Michael on her return.
“Here we go again.” Krisitina chimed in. “Looks like our old pal Kaos just couldn’t wait to get back into the thick of shit huh bro?
“You got that right.” Tony replied. “I’ve been on the receiving end of a KaotiK beating once or twice in my career. And if I wasn’t so god damn wasted right now, I’d probably feel bad for those guys right now. But I am wasted, so this is the funniest thing that I’ve seen since Jason Royce.”
Angry Dude turns to once again face the Kaos in the ring. Kenny glanced over his shoulder, and ran to the ropes. Dude comes in from behind. The High Flyer leaps to the third rope, spring-boarding back towards the jobber with a corkscrew dropkick called the S.A.M. Sight. Angry Dude ducks, and runs the ropes again. Kaos showing incredible instinct lands, and almost bounces. He twists as he brings his boot over his head, and into the man’s teeth. He falls, spitting blood, as Kenny lands, and strikes a well deserved “I am God” pose.
The fans cheer, starting a roaring “HOLY SHIT!” chant.
BOOM! HEADSHOT! Kristina yelled at the top of her lungs. “That was fucking awesome!
“That’s not fucking possible! No man in the fucking world could honestly do what he just did.” Tony interjected.
“Trust me.” Kristina replied. “He’s a fucking machine.”
“Did you just say that Kenny Lambardo was a fucking-machine!?” Her brother sounded rather irritated with the comment.
“Holy Shit your worse than he is!”
Back in the ring.
Michael Jackson Saxton is up, and takes the opportunity to low-blow Sgt. Lambardo in his moment of victory. The Kaos fell, curled in a ball like the little girl that any man becomes when they take a shot to the balls.
“That was fucking stupid.” Tony spoke from ringside.
Dude, also comes to his feet, spitting a mouthful of blood onto the mat. The once opponents, come to an unspoken agreement to stomp the ever loving hell out of the fallen marine. The two stop for a moment, each to do poses that weren’t nearly as cool as one Sergeant Kennith Lambordo Jr. esq. And that was the first reason that neither of the two would ever amount to anything in the ring. And then came the second.
Lambardo kips up off his shoulders, with a loud stomp as his feet hit the mat. Just can’t keep the Kaos under control. His enemies turned on him from opposite angles, not quite sure what to make of what just happened. The KaotiK immediately lunges at Saxton, slamming her head first into the turnbuckle. She stumbles back into Lambardo, as he latches around her waist, rolling back with her, and into a German Suplex (Kaos Theory).
Dude, having the greatest idea of his lifetime, decides that he suddenly doesn’t want to be in the ring anymore, and attempts to leave. Kaos on the other hand had a different idea. He charges B.A.D. as he gets to the corner, catching his head. The KaotiK One runs the turnbuckle, and corckscrews into a RKO with the first of what I am sure will be many more Ego Crushers in the future of APW. Kenny runs back to the opposite turnbuckle, making sure to step on the stomach of MJS, before he scales the roes again.
“He’s on the ropes!” Kristina yelled.
The marine flies from the corner via corkscrew moonsault, and into a 360 Frog Splash onto the oh-so-well placed little luchador.
The fans begin to chant again, only this time with: “FUCK ‘EM UP KAOS! FUCK ‘EM UP!” STOMP! STOMP!
“What the fuck was that!?” Tony asked. “I can’t even tell if that’s Kenny or if that’s something else entirely.”
“Kaos incarnate…” Kristina replied as if to herself.
“I mean he just walked out here, and tore apart two people, and I don’t think that he spent more than two minutes total on the fucking mat.”
“What?” Kristina asked. “You think this is over! I didn’t hear no fat lady! All I hear is the fans chanting for more. And if I know the dear Sergeant as well as I think I do. I know that he can’t resist the sounds of a roaring crowd.”
Lambardo rolled to his feet, to the center ring. He stood in the midst of chanting fans. They were chanting for him. Kenny flashed his trademark grin, as he struck yet another “I am God” pose.
The fans cheer, the woman scream, and guys at the arena are upset they took their girlfriend to the show.
Kenny walks to B.A.D., and takes him by the hair to the center of the ring. Lambardo lifts the poor soul into a crucifix, and corkscrews the both of them, performing a cutter called the Napalm Bomb. Kenny takes to the ropes, as he catches the little slut rolling out of the ring. She gets to about the entrance ramp, before the KaotiK gets another great idea. He runs across the ropes, and kicks off the turnbuckle diving at MJS. She turns at the last second only to get nabbed by an angry Kaos, and into a ¾ twist RKO.
“That was the best fucking Bi-Polar I’ve ever seen!” Tony said.
“Did you expect anything less?” Kristina threw her two cents in.
“No. I expected more.” Tony replied. “He nearly just killed himself, and for what? A cheap pop from the fans?”
Speaking of the fans, but that was no cheap pop. The crowd roared, and the faithful at ringside reached out to touch he who had saved them from their boring lives. Saved them from the drivel they were being forced to watch. To make the day of a little kid whose father didn’t have enough money to take him to Overdrive. One woman even went as far as to leap over the railing, and latch onto the super star. She was quickly escorted from the building. These were the words of Kaos..
And wouldn’t you know it. Kenny got up yet again. This time he used the guardrail for support. Security, and E.M.T., made their way down the ramp, and down to ringside in a feeble attempt to restore some semblance of order to this Kaos. The same four guards grabbed Kenny. One of them went for the cuffs.
“Oh hell no!” The Hardcore Princess yelled. “Nobody puts cuffs on those wrists but me!”
“You really have to stop saying things like that in front of me or I might just have to kick the shit out of you until you can’t anymore.” Tony interjected.
“Tony…”
“Yes Kris…”
“Have you been drinking again?”
“Aren’t I always.”
You can hear another thud, and the crash of a bottle as the fans at ringside cheer to see Kristina poke her brother in the chest, while leaning drunkenly on his chair.
“I love being me.” Kristina said with a giggle.
As if summoned by the KaotiK himself, or maybe just because he was watching from the Audio Visual Trailer, “Revolution Is My Name” by Pantera assaults the loudspeakers like Trevor is going to do to Marcus Saxton on Overdrive, and the fans just give in. The Career Killer himself, Trevor Blackwell walks onto the stage, striking the infamous Blackwell Crucifix pose feeding the hungry crowd. The guards do what all guards do when they see Trevor. Run. Probably for backup. Trevor makes his way down the ramp, aiding his KaotiK Komrade to his feet.
Trevor raises the mic already in hand to his lips. “Why do you always have to jump? I swear, one day your going to land on something as stubborn as you are, and I don’t do bits, and pieces.”
Kenny dusts himself, before snatching the microphone from Trevor. “Well Trevor. Since you’re here, and you have nothing better to do at the moment, perhaps you would like to introduce me to these no name wrestlers in the back that may not be all that familiar with yours truly.
The two head back to the ring, and climb in. The “KAOS KAM” in full swing, Kenny hands the mic back over to Trevor, and calls for one of his own.
“Who do I look like? Spade?” Trevor asked.
“C’mon. You know you wanna.” Kaos responded.
Trevor sighed. Just like his player did when he read this. “Okay fine! You know him. The fans love him. And if you don’t know him you’ll learn to hate his fucking guts! He’s the KaotiK One. The High Flya Messiah! “The Ego Crusher” Sgt. Kenny “Kaos” Lambardo!
And the crowd goes wild.
“Wow Trevor. I couldn’t of done that better myself. But now if there aren’t anymore interruptions.” Kenny lowers the mic,, and looks around waiting for something to happen. “All this fuss just so I can get a few words in with the fans.”
Now that on the other hand was a cheap pop.
Kenny continues. “You see I’m new around these parts, and I know how thrilled everyone is to know that I’m here. But that’s not the point. The point is that I have my first match here in the APW, this Monday night at Overdrive. Now you could see me go one on one with the World Champ.”
The fans cheer.
“You could see me in a fatal four way to determine the next number one contender to that very same championship.”
The fans cheer again.
“But instead I get a match with some rookie lab experiment that looks like the bastard love child of Quasi Modo, and The Thing. I mean for fuck sake do you honestly expect this guy to come close to what I’m capable of? He is of course, only human. And where the hell is his fucking neck!? He has no fucking neck! For Kaos sake. For your own sake! It’s time to put the growth hormones down! Fuck Mad Cow disease. This guy’s the Mad Cow. But he’s not really mad. So then that would make you the Man-Cow. Mooooooooo! Someone get the cattle prod the Man-Cow has arrived! Moooooooooo!
The crowd moos!
“Why is he mooing?” Tony asked groggily as he made his way back into position next to his little sister. (OOC: Did that just sound wrong to anyone else.)
“Shhh… He’s on a roll.” Kristina answers.
“That’s your new name.” Kenny unfortunately continues. “The Irish Man-Cow… Sabur! Mooooo!
“Will you quit mooing and get the fuck on with this!” Trevor screamed at Kaos.
“Sorry.” Kenny replies.
The crowd moos at The Career Killer.
“You see the shit you just started. This is going to be as bad as Steve Austin’s comeback!” Trevor yells again.
The crowd yells “WHAT?”
Kenny continues yet again. “Have you seen yourself lately man? You look like a Quinton Terentino version of Humpty fucking Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty got HIT BY THE FUCKING EGO CRUSHER!”
The fans cheer as the pack of wolves that have come to be known as Sex and Violence, laugh along with the KaotiK as he continues his rant.
“That’s what you have to look forward to. Your ego crushed. As Trevor would say, “just another statistic.” Fucking math! You know how I got that nickname? I put people in their place. Like I did to the two blasphemers I claimed this ring from. Just like I’m gonna do to you on Monday. Just like I did to Marcus Saxton last Monday. How was that for fucking style! I still didn’t get a thank you for that either. Come down here, and fucking thank the Kaos for the blessings that he bestows upon you, you ungrateful little pric!
The fans cheer chanting “KAOS” STOMP! STOMP!
“You hear that Sabur? Remember that name. Always remember who I am!
WHO AM I!?”
Lambardo raises the mic to the air, commanding the voices of his congragation, “KAOS”!
“And who was all over Overdrive!?”
The fans again respond with “KOAS!”
“And who’s gonna be all over this fucking Fed?”
And again. “KAOS!”
“And what sound does a Sabur make!?”
The crowd moos!
You’ve already been pumped Full Throttle. And don’t get me wrong I’ve been hit with the Full Throttle, and I’ll be the first to tell you that it feels like getting fucked in the ass with a Singapore Cane!
Kristina, and Tony speak at once. “That is what it feels like.”
Trevor interjects on Kenny’s rant. “Aw… Kenny… Flattery won’t get you a thing.”
“Except in bed with your sister.” Kenny replied with a smile.
The fans cheer.
“It did.” Kristina interjected.
“What?” Tony screamed.
“Nothing.”
Trevor looks at Kenny, and licks his lips like a hungry predator. It’s in this moment that Trevor realizes that Kenny is much more of a pain in the ass as an enemy, and that’s why he can get away with comments like that. If not, it’s because Kenny fucking Kristina is no big surprise. Kenny fucking anybody is no big surprise. Kristina fucking...
Kenny again continues. “But I have never had my ego crushed. I’ve wondered. Have you ever wondered? Your gonna find out. I’m gonna walk into that ring at Overdrive like an invading military, but this isn’t a war on Terror boy! This isn’t war for a president. This isn’t a war for a country or a federation. This is a war on you. They say that my good friend Trevor over here is Hardcore. Well I’m just fucking Corps. This Monday night you go to boot with Sgt. Lambardo United States Marine. HOOAAH!
“I love it when he does that.” Kristina said from the announce table.
The fans cheer, and Trevor simple smiles at what I’m sure has already become his favored new weapon.
“But let me lay some truth down for ya.” Lambardo continued. “I was a rookie too once. Take some time to look at what I’ve done in that year alone. I know that you really don’t care about any of that crap, so I won’t bore with my ungodly long list of accomplishments. Personally I’d like to know something about my opponents, but not you. You just want to bust skulls. Win some gold. That won’t get you anywhere. I don’t even think that you want gold. I don’t think that you even want to bust skulls. I think that your just want to do your, poses, and your catchphrases, and travel the country without having to hear your daddy call you gay anymore. You watch ECW every whenever the fuck you said it was on, have been mistaken for Brock Lesnar, and then mistook me… Me of all people, to a mere mortal like Randy Ortin! You’re a fan boy. Not even a man. We’re not in school anymore boy! But it’s okay, losing to me won’t make you a loser. It’ll just make you like everyone else. Consider it your first career accomplishment. Hell it might even make you a man. Don’t see it as pain. See it as weakness leaving the body. Have it make you better. Don’t worry about the fans, or the titles, or even fucking Jeff! Worry about me! Show me! Impress me! And when you’re lying there on the mat… Looking up at the white lights… See the image of your savior, with his fist raised in victory above you.
With that security has returned, and this time they brought back up. And from the looks of it, the back up had back up of their own. That was a lot of fucking security. They swarmed! So what would any good sergeant tell the squad to do when completely outnumbered?
“Retreat!” Sgt. Lambardo yelled into the microphone.
Kenny, and the Blackwells disappear into the crowd, and the “KAOS KAM” cuts, because Fyre Angel nailed the closest security guard to her in the head with it. And you all thought that I had forgotten about her. Told you a camera wielding Fyre Angel scared me.
For Violence, Language, Partial Nudity, and Sexual References
All Children under 17 must be accompanied by an adult
THUD! The sound echoed across the back halls of the arena. THUD! THUD! Action Packed Wrestling had just finished a fantastic show in Quebec, but there was still one more event. THUD! THUD! It was typical to book a house show just before or after a televised event. THUD! And that’s exactly what this was. A wannabe overdrive that was a hell of a lot cheaper! THUD!
The fans began to fill the seats, as Security gathered, and made there way to the origins of the sound. . Most of them were college students trying to get ahead in life. All of them scared. THUD! THUD! THUD! The four guards hesitated as they came to the height of the sound, a locker room. One of them moved towards the handle. His hands shaking, his moves less than accurate, his focus fragmented. He looked back to his comrades, and the three nodded reluctantly. The bravest of them opened the door to find none other than our friendly neighborhood marine practicing Muy Thai-style knee strikes on the support pillar in his locker room.
“Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?!” One of the security guards asked.
“Wrong Messiah, but that was close.” The KaotiK One replied.
“Listen. Just knock it off before you bring the arena down around our ears.” The bravest of the guards spoke, and left, shaking his head as the others followed behind him muttering under their collective breath.
He just couldn’t get it. What the hell was wrong with the world? Everyone was so scared, so quick to pass judgment, and cast blame. Why the hell was that. How big of a person can one be when they can’t even say anything, let alone something to your face. Egos so frail, are so easily crushed! Everybody here is so hidden. So cowardly. How the fuck is someone to get noticed when they stay to themselves all the time. Always talking behind your opponents back doesn’t do a god damn thing but prove that you can’t back it up. The marine hated that. Hated that about people. Hated that about everything. It was just fucking practice to Kenny. Trying to shake the rust off from three years outside of CQC (Close Quarters Combat). For Kaos sake the sound was just the echo in the ventilation system. Do you know the size of the vents places like this have?
Kenny’s attention went to the cameraman that followed the guards.
“You can stay.” The KaotiK within showed through those piercing green hazel eyes, as a cocky half grin slithered across his lips like a snake about to strike.
The marine pulled his sunglasses from where they hung on his black wife beater, and his dog tags from the white muscle shirt that lay underneath. The glasses went on, as Lambardo walked past the cameraman, and out the door to the left. The camera followed as if by the will of god, to see the four letters tattooed to the back of his neck in a black gothic-style print “USMC”. The four letters that changed his life as it did to the lives of so many before him.
The KaotiK made his way through the backstage, his combat boots rhythmically echoing each step as he walked in a march-style fashion. Truly this was a man on a mission. Finally he reached his destination: The APW Audio Visual Trailer. The sergeant made his way up the stairs, knocking loudly on the door.
“Pizza Dude?” A voice came from within.
“Sure.” Kenny replied. “Why the hell not?” He snickered to himself.
And a fat, geeky, Gordon Schumway-looking mother fucker came to answer.
“Your not the Pizza Dude.” The AV guy said in disappointment.
“Do I look like the fucking Pizza Dude.” The KaotiK replied as he made his way past the mass of a man.
Kenny made his way to one of the computers, and began clicking away on the keyboard. He looked up to the monitors every once in a while.
“What the hell are you doing?” Another of the tech geeks asked frantically.
“Whatever the hell I want!” Lambardo answered as he clicked one final key.
At that the camera goes snowy for a moment, replacing the APW logo with the words “KAOS KAM” in the bottom right corner of your screen. The image fumbles, as the cameraman checks what the hell happened.
“What the… Hey! I’m responsible for that!” A voice is heard from the background, as the camera fumbles again, just barely catching the cameraman falling down the steel stairs out of the right corner.
“Just tell Jeff that it was a random act of Kaos!” Kenny’s voice replied from off screen as he pointed the camera at the fallen cameraman. “Trust me. He’ll understand.”
The camera quickly views a microphone that gets snatched by Lambardo’s leather clad hand, before moving down the stairs, and back tracks through the halls until it approached a very particular locker room, for what good is Kaos without a girl to hang on his arm? He opens the door to the sounds of a running shower, but first the camera zooms in on the nicest ass you’ve ever hoped to see.
The crowd explodes, chanting “KAOS!” STOMP! STOMP1
“KAOS!” STOMP! STOMP!
The girl whips her long dark hair over her head, as she pulls up her black g-string. She snaps on a black leather mini-skirt, followed by the bra.
The crowd boos in disappointment.
The girl turns to see Kenny with the camera. “Kenny!” The Hardcore Princess exclaimed. “What do you have to say for yourself?!”
“Hey baby. You wanna get down with Kaos?” The KaotiK replied with a devilish grin that could be seen even off camera.
“Kris?” Fyre Angel’s voice called from the bathroom, as Kenny turns the camera to see Fyre in nothing but a towel. “Did you steal my mini-skirt again?”
Fyre Angel walks out to see Kristina, and to her surprise Sergeant Lambardo with a camera. “What the fuck do you think your doing?”
“Having a three-way if you two don’t put some clothes on.” He replied.
Kristina takes a quick glance to the KaotiK KoK, and then looks to Fyre Angel. “Uh… Angel…” Kristina glanced back to Kenny’s crotch, with a smile. “I don’t think that he’s joking this time.”
Kalayla turned her back to the camera, and dropped the towel, leaving her in the same position that Kristina Blackwell was in when Kenny first entered the room. She pulled up a pink thong over her bare naked ass. Not quite as nice as Kristina’s then again this story is told through the eyes of Kaos. Next are black fishnet stockings, and the bra. Always with the fucking bra!
Kristina threw her a black miniskirt, she quickly slipped into, followed by a red tank. Kristina threw a hot pink fishnet shirt over her bra. This was her version of a shirt apparently, which was no problem with Kaos by any means.
Kristina, and Fyre Angel zipped each of their knee-high boots slowly. The fucking teases, the both of them, I swear it!
Kristina looked to Kenny. “So what the hell are you doing with that camera anyway? Besides sneaking into my room, and showing our asses to a live audience.”
The fans cheer.
“That’s exactly it! I’m making a porno! The KaotiK replied.
The fans cheer louder.
“So does that mean I get to tape you getting dressed to?” Kristina asked with a seductive smile.
“No, but you can help me get undressed later if you really want.”
“Oh my god I’m leaving.” Fyre Angel interjected. “The two of you will never change.”
“Your not going anywhere!” Kristina leaped from the bench latching onto Kalayla before she had the chance to make it out the door.
“Yeah you can’t go! Your part of the crew. The old family. We’re the last of it.” The marine said, as the camera panned over the two girls.
“Seriously, what are you doing?” Fyre Angel asked.
Kenny took a deep breath. “Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages! The Reign of Kaos…” He pauses for a moment. “No. Not the Reign of Kaos anymore…” He tries again. Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages! D Generation X. Proudly brings to you…” He pauses again, a bit longer this time. “No. That wasn’t right either.” Kenny looks to Kristina with a grin, and continues. “I got it! Ladies and Gentleman! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages! Sex and Violence. Proudly bring to you. Everything that is wrong with television today! Live on APW KAOS KAM! Brought to you by MONSTER ENERGY. Unleash the Beast!
“You really do have way too much fun with this shit don’t you?” Kristina asked giggling.
“Don’t you know it.” He replied.
“Actually I’m glad that you came by. Trevor left this for you. Said you deserved it.”
She reached into her locker, and pulled from it a black leather biker jacket. The back patched with an inverted anarchy emblem, and the words “Sons of Carthage”, around it. Kenny again flashed that cocky trademarked grin, as he traded camera for jacket with Kristina. The camera fumbled, and made its way to Lambardo, as he adorned the Blackwell’s armor.
Kristina giggled. “Looks like I get to tape you getting dressed after all.”
Kenny turned towards the mirror, and pulled his green beret from the back of his digital camouflage pants. It fit snuggly in place, almost perfect. Well as perfect as one could get at least.
“So how do you feel Sergeant?” The Hardcore Princess asked the marine. “You got your first match in years this coming Monday.”
“You scared Kaos?” Fyre Angel asked sarcastically.
“What?” Lambardo asked, another grin passing his lips. “Is this my interview?”
“Guess so.” Angel replied.
“Actually I have a match right now!” The KaotiK answered with half cocked smile. “Or I will as soon as I get my ass down to the ring!” He looked at his watch. “If I got this timed right I should be able to get down there before they actually start the first match. And as long as Trevor is late as usual, things should go out without a hitch.”
“No! I know that smirk Kenny! What the hell are you planning in that KaotiK little skull of yours, you fucking sociopath! Kristina yelled.
“I’m just following orders like a good little soldier boy. You were the one that said everyone around here needed a little Kaos in their lives.”
The KaotiK turned, the girls instinctively following behind. The camera fumbles again as Kristina hands it off to Fyre Angel. Kristina runs past Kenny, hopping as she snatches the beret from his head. She puts some distance between the two of them, turning on heel, and walking backwards as she fixes the Special Forces symbol to her own head. Kenny stops with a smile no doubt on his face, as Kristina begins to mock him. Having so much fun in the little play that she had created for herself, she ran back first into the chest of yet another mass of a man. Sabur. Kristina turned on heel no longer the playful inner child that she had just exposed. She looked up at the behemoth. The height wasn’t the thing that made this behemoth so intimidating to behold. Hell at 6’2” he was as tall as Kaos himself. It was the width. There was roughly 300 pounds in that six feet, and that’s a lot of man.
The monster spoke. “Excuse me miss.” His voice was high pitched, and a bit squeaky. Something like Mike Tyson. “Do you know where the bathroom is?” He asked as he performed a pee pee dance as seen by eight year olds in the store with their parents.
Kristina giggled as she pointed to the door that was right to her right. The hammer waddled into the bathroom, probably sideways so that he can fit.
“I remember that guy.” Kaos said as he and a camera wielding Fyre Angel closed in on his position. “So let’s see what he has to say about our match on Overdrive.”
“While he’s in the bathroom?” Fyre Angel asked.
“Why the fuck not?” The KaotiK responded.
The three move into the men’s room to find Sabur hard at work with one of the urinals. Kenny takes the urinal next to him, and also begins a piss that only 48 oz. of Monster could produce.
“Sabur!” Kenny exclaimed.
Sabur quickly zipped. “Look. I’ve gone to lengths to get autographs myself, but cornering a guy when he’s trying to take a piss.” He turns to face his intruder. “That’s a whole new… RANDY ORTIN!” His tone quickly changed as he mistook Sgt. Lambardo for the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. “Can I please have your autograph sir?”
The KaotiK cocked his head to the left, and attempted a “people’s eyebrow”. As we all know though, only the Rock could make such a ridiculous thing look cool, so the sergeant fails miserably. Critical miss!
The Hammer reached into his back pocket to retrieve a pen, and an autograph book. He handed the two to Kaos, who immediately began to write, still taking his wiz. He handed everything back to its owner, who looked in disgust to see the signature of “The Ego Crusher” Kenny Lambardo.
“Your not Randy Ortin!” His face went blood red in anger, his fists clamped tight.
“No I’m not. Since you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. Just in case you can’t read. I am Sergeant Kennith Lambardo Jr. esq. But you’ll come to know me as Kaos. Really all I wanted to say was may the best man win.”
“Now I remember you. I have a match with you this Monday at Overdrive.”
“Yes you do my large friend. However, I do believe that a thank you is in order.”
“Your welcome. I know how it must feel to be in the ring with one of the biggest up and coming wrestlers in the industry today.”
The “KAOS KAM” cuts from the Titontron as Action Packed Wrestling begins another house show match with the music of a transsexual lucha libre in a cowboy hat calling itself Michael Jackson Saxton.
Back in the men’s bathroom
Fyre lowers the camera, looking at Lambardo almost worried.
“What’s the matter Angel?” Kenny asked.
“The feed just cut.” She replied
“LIKE FUCK IT DID!”
Kaos stormed from the room. As the music of an oversized pimp drug kingpin named Big Angry Dude began to play, introducing yet another contender.
“Hey!” Sabur yelled to the KaotiK. “Where are you guys going? Don’t you want to talk about the match? Oh yeah… I forgot… Everyone around here is completely bonkers!”
“Great.” Kristina said to herself as she followed the KaotiK. “Now you’ve gone and pissed him off. Do these guys have any idea how fucking hard it is to deal with a pissed off Kaos?”
“This is going to be great!” Fyre Angel threw her two cents in.
So let us see. We have a force of nature running through the back stage about to do Kaos knows what. Following on the nicest legs in the business is the Hardcore Princess Kristina Blackwell, and Fyre Angel Kalayla Mitchell. A match between two no-name jobbers in the ring. You see though, Kenny and Kristina are wolves. And wolves fight in packs. And there was yet another wolf knocking on the door of the Audio Visual Trailer. Late as usual, but Kenny’s run in with Saber made him late as well. Which made the wolf at the AV Trailer right on time.
“Pizza Dude?” A voice answered from within.
“Sure.” The Career Killer replied. “Why the fuck not?”
Starting to look familiar to anybody?
The door opens, and the same fat ass answers. “Your not the pizza dude either.”
And in the world of Trevor Blackwell that translated into: “please swat me with your Singapore Cane Mr. Blackwell”. Trevor was glad to oblige. The fatman’s face splattered across the Singapore Cane as a peasant’s to a Samurai’s blade.
Trevor stood over the fallen techie, resisting the urge for a crucifix pose. “Do I look like the fucking Pizza Dude?”
Trevor entered the Audio Visual Trailer, immediately wrapping his Cane around the neck of some unsuspecting Tech geek.
“I want the “KAOS KAM” back up and running NOW! Or your going to look like your friend on the floor outside. Well maybe not. I don’t even think I could cause enough damage to do what nature did to that poor boy. But you get the hint. RIGHT!?”
The Tech geek clicks away on his keyboard.
“Kenny!” Fyre Angel called to her KaotiK Kompanian, as they made it to the seating entrance.
“Yes my dear?” The marine halted, turning on heel to face Angel.
The pyromaniac mounted the camera back on her shoulder. “KAOS KAM” is back online!”
“Excellent!” Kenny smiled arrogantly.
Back at the AV Trailer.
“Okay. I know what your doing.” Trevor said to himself. “Hit Sergeant Lambardo’s music now!”
Inside the arena goes dark, bringing the match to a halt, and an all too familiar sound to two of the three standing at the seating entrance echoes through the arena. “OH!” “OH!” “OH KAOS YOU’RE A GOD!” Dimebag Darryl’s guitar screeches through the air with “Walk” by Pantera to introduce what was only a rumor but a few weeks ago. The crowd sang along. “RE!” “SPECT!” “WALK!”
Kaos entered the audience seating area, and the song came to a record scratching halt.
Kenny pulled the microphone from his pocket, and brought it to his lips. “Hey I got a new dance for you all. We call it the Soldier Boy!”
With that the heavy drums of one Travis barker tested the power of the speakers, with “Soulja Boy” coming in loud, and clear behind it. The three made their way through the crowd, as fans reached to get a touch of the KaotiK.
“What the hell is this!?” Harvey asked confused. “I don’t have anything like this on my schedule. And who the hell does that entrance music belong to?”
“I’ll tell you exactly who it is.” An answer came from an unknown voice. Harvey turned to where his partner Chase would be, only to find that he had run off into the crowd. In his place was one Tony Blackwell. “That is none other than The Ego Crusher Kenny Lambardo. A High Flying God if you’ve done your homework.”
Kenny and friends make their way to the bottom of the crowd, and Kaos leaps onto the guardrail twisting to face the crowd with a patented “I am God” pose that leaves the two in the ring less than amused. From here the KaotiK leaps again from guardrail to ring apron, striking yet another “I am God” pose, as Kristina goes to join her brother.
“And…” His voice shaky. “Who are you?”
“He, my dear underpaid commentator,” Kristina responded, taking the headphones from Harvey’s head, “would be my big brother Tony. You can leave now.”
And he did. Kenny climbed into the ring, as his music cut, and he again brought the mic to his lips. “Okay guys. Match is over. Time to leave. Think of me as an invading country that just stole the five minutes of camera time that you spent the last five years working up to.”
The two in the ring appear less than happy with the display of arrogance that the KaotiK One is so famous for. The ref gets in his face grabbing him, and motioning as if to kick Kaos out of the ring.
“That was the smartest thing that he could of done.” Tony said sarcastically.
Lambardo turns as if to leave the ring, the ref turning his attention back to the match at hand. At the last second Kaos springboards off the middle rope, latching onto the referee with his knees in the ref’s back nailing a signature Coward’s Mark. The two jobbers look to Kaos, glancing back at each other, and then again to mad man before them. Michel J. Saxton charges, followed by Angry Dude. Saxton goes for a flying clothesline, but is easily ducked by the marine. Dude attempts for a spear, but the KaotiK instinctively rolls over his now opponents back, and onto his feet again, causing the behemoth to nail Michael on her return.
“Here we go again.” Krisitina chimed in. “Looks like our old pal Kaos just couldn’t wait to get back into the thick of shit huh bro?
“You got that right.” Tony replied. “I’ve been on the receiving end of a KaotiK beating once or twice in my career. And if I wasn’t so god damn wasted right now, I’d probably feel bad for those guys right now. But I am wasted, so this is the funniest thing that I’ve seen since Jason Royce.”
Angry Dude turns to once again face the Kaos in the ring. Kenny glanced over his shoulder, and ran to the ropes. Dude comes in from behind. The High Flyer leaps to the third rope, spring-boarding back towards the jobber with a corkscrew dropkick called the S.A.M. Sight. Angry Dude ducks, and runs the ropes again. Kaos showing incredible instinct lands, and almost bounces. He twists as he brings his boot over his head, and into the man’s teeth. He falls, spitting blood, as Kenny lands, and strikes a well deserved “I am God” pose.
The fans cheer, starting a roaring “HOLY SHIT!” chant.
BOOM! HEADSHOT! Kristina yelled at the top of her lungs. “That was fucking awesome!
“That’s not fucking possible! No man in the fucking world could honestly do what he just did.” Tony interjected.
“Trust me.” Kristina replied. “He’s a fucking machine.”
“Did you just say that Kenny Lambardo was a fucking-machine!?” Her brother sounded rather irritated with the comment.
“Holy Shit your worse than he is!”
Back in the ring.
Michael Jackson Saxton is up, and takes the opportunity to low-blow Sgt. Lambardo in his moment of victory. The Kaos fell, curled in a ball like the little girl that any man becomes when they take a shot to the balls.
“That was fucking stupid.” Tony spoke from ringside.
Dude, also comes to his feet, spitting a mouthful of blood onto the mat. The once opponents, come to an unspoken agreement to stomp the ever loving hell out of the fallen marine. The two stop for a moment, each to do poses that weren’t nearly as cool as one Sergeant Kennith Lambordo Jr. esq. And that was the first reason that neither of the two would ever amount to anything in the ring. And then came the second.
Lambardo kips up off his shoulders, with a loud stomp as his feet hit the mat. Just can’t keep the Kaos under control. His enemies turned on him from opposite angles, not quite sure what to make of what just happened. The KaotiK immediately lunges at Saxton, slamming her head first into the turnbuckle. She stumbles back into Lambardo, as he latches around her waist, rolling back with her, and into a German Suplex (Kaos Theory).
Dude, having the greatest idea of his lifetime, decides that he suddenly doesn’t want to be in the ring anymore, and attempts to leave. Kaos on the other hand had a different idea. He charges B.A.D. as he gets to the corner, catching his head. The KaotiK One runs the turnbuckle, and corckscrews into a RKO with the first of what I am sure will be many more Ego Crushers in the future of APW. Kenny runs back to the opposite turnbuckle, making sure to step on the stomach of MJS, before he scales the roes again.
“He’s on the ropes!” Kristina yelled.
The marine flies from the corner via corkscrew moonsault, and into a 360 Frog Splash onto the oh-so-well placed little luchador.
The fans begin to chant again, only this time with: “FUCK ‘EM UP KAOS! FUCK ‘EM UP!” STOMP! STOMP!
“What the fuck was that!?” Tony asked. “I can’t even tell if that’s Kenny or if that’s something else entirely.”
“Kaos incarnate…” Kristina replied as if to herself.
“I mean he just walked out here, and tore apart two people, and I don’t think that he spent more than two minutes total on the fucking mat.”
“What?” Kristina asked. “You think this is over! I didn’t hear no fat lady! All I hear is the fans chanting for more. And if I know the dear Sergeant as well as I think I do. I know that he can’t resist the sounds of a roaring crowd.”
Lambardo rolled to his feet, to the center ring. He stood in the midst of chanting fans. They were chanting for him. Kenny flashed his trademark grin, as he struck yet another “I am God” pose.
The fans cheer, the woman scream, and guys at the arena are upset they took their girlfriend to the show.
Kenny walks to B.A.D., and takes him by the hair to the center of the ring. Lambardo lifts the poor soul into a crucifix, and corkscrews the both of them, performing a cutter called the Napalm Bomb. Kenny takes to the ropes, as he catches the little slut rolling out of the ring. She gets to about the entrance ramp, before the KaotiK gets another great idea. He runs across the ropes, and kicks off the turnbuckle diving at MJS. She turns at the last second only to get nabbed by an angry Kaos, and into a ¾ twist RKO.
“That was the best fucking Bi-Polar I’ve ever seen!” Tony said.
“Did you expect anything less?” Kristina threw her two cents in.
“No. I expected more.” Tony replied. “He nearly just killed himself, and for what? A cheap pop from the fans?”
Speaking of the fans, but that was no cheap pop. The crowd roared, and the faithful at ringside reached out to touch he who had saved them from their boring lives. Saved them from the drivel they were being forced to watch. To make the day of a little kid whose father didn’t have enough money to take him to Overdrive. One woman even went as far as to leap over the railing, and latch onto the super star. She was quickly escorted from the building. These were the words of Kaos..
And wouldn’t you know it. Kenny got up yet again. This time he used the guardrail for support. Security, and E.M.T., made their way down the ramp, and down to ringside in a feeble attempt to restore some semblance of order to this Kaos. The same four guards grabbed Kenny. One of them went for the cuffs.
“Oh hell no!” The Hardcore Princess yelled. “Nobody puts cuffs on those wrists but me!”
“You really have to stop saying things like that in front of me or I might just have to kick the shit out of you until you can’t anymore.” Tony interjected.
“Tony…”
“Yes Kris…”
“Have you been drinking again?”
“Aren’t I always.”
You can hear another thud, and the crash of a bottle as the fans at ringside cheer to see Kristina poke her brother in the chest, while leaning drunkenly on his chair.
“I love being me.” Kristina said with a giggle.
As if summoned by the KaotiK himself, or maybe just because he was watching from the Audio Visual Trailer, “Revolution Is My Name” by Pantera assaults the loudspeakers like Trevor is going to do to Marcus Saxton on Overdrive, and the fans just give in. The Career Killer himself, Trevor Blackwell walks onto the stage, striking the infamous Blackwell Crucifix pose feeding the hungry crowd. The guards do what all guards do when they see Trevor. Run. Probably for backup. Trevor makes his way down the ramp, aiding his KaotiK Komrade to his feet.
Trevor raises the mic already in hand to his lips. “Why do you always have to jump? I swear, one day your going to land on something as stubborn as you are, and I don’t do bits, and pieces.”
Kenny dusts himself, before snatching the microphone from Trevor. “Well Trevor. Since you’re here, and you have nothing better to do at the moment, perhaps you would like to introduce me to these no name wrestlers in the back that may not be all that familiar with yours truly.
The two head back to the ring, and climb in. The “KAOS KAM” in full swing, Kenny hands the mic back over to Trevor, and calls for one of his own.
“Who do I look like? Spade?” Trevor asked.
“C’mon. You know you wanna.” Kaos responded.
Trevor sighed. Just like his player did when he read this. “Okay fine! You know him. The fans love him. And if you don’t know him you’ll learn to hate his fucking guts! He’s the KaotiK One. The High Flya Messiah! “The Ego Crusher” Sgt. Kenny “Kaos” Lambardo!
And the crowd goes wild.
“Wow Trevor. I couldn’t of done that better myself. But now if there aren’t anymore interruptions.” Kenny lowers the mic,, and looks around waiting for something to happen. “All this fuss just so I can get a few words in with the fans.”
Now that on the other hand was a cheap pop.
Kenny continues. “You see I’m new around these parts, and I know how thrilled everyone is to know that I’m here. But that’s not the point. The point is that I have my first match here in the APW, this Monday night at Overdrive. Now you could see me go one on one with the World Champ.”
The fans cheer.
“You could see me in a fatal four way to determine the next number one contender to that very same championship.”
The fans cheer again.
“But instead I get a match with some rookie lab experiment that looks like the bastard love child of Quasi Modo, and The Thing. I mean for fuck sake do you honestly expect this guy to come close to what I’m capable of? He is of course, only human. And where the hell is his fucking neck!? He has no fucking neck! For Kaos sake. For your own sake! It’s time to put the growth hormones down! Fuck Mad Cow disease. This guy’s the Mad Cow. But he’s not really mad. So then that would make you the Man-Cow. Mooooooooo! Someone get the cattle prod the Man-Cow has arrived! Moooooooooo!
The crowd moos!
“Why is he mooing?” Tony asked groggily as he made his way back into position next to his little sister. (OOC: Did that just sound wrong to anyone else.)
“Shhh… He’s on a roll.” Kristina answers.
“That’s your new name.” Kenny unfortunately continues. “The Irish Man-Cow… Sabur! Mooooo!
“Will you quit mooing and get the fuck on with this!” Trevor screamed at Kaos.
“Sorry.” Kenny replies.
The crowd moos at The Career Killer.
“You see the shit you just started. This is going to be as bad as Steve Austin’s comeback!” Trevor yells again.
The crowd yells “WHAT?”
Kenny continues yet again. “Have you seen yourself lately man? You look like a Quinton Terentino version of Humpty fucking Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty got HIT BY THE FUCKING EGO CRUSHER!”
The fans cheer as the pack of wolves that have come to be known as Sex and Violence, laugh along with the KaotiK as he continues his rant.
“That’s what you have to look forward to. Your ego crushed. As Trevor would say, “just another statistic.” Fucking math! You know how I got that nickname? I put people in their place. Like I did to the two blasphemers I claimed this ring from. Just like I’m gonna do to you on Monday. Just like I did to Marcus Saxton last Monday. How was that for fucking style! I still didn’t get a thank you for that either. Come down here, and fucking thank the Kaos for the blessings that he bestows upon you, you ungrateful little pric!
The fans cheer chanting “KAOS” STOMP! STOMP!
“You hear that Sabur? Remember that name. Always remember who I am!
WHO AM I!?”
Lambardo raises the mic to the air, commanding the voices of his congragation, “KAOS”!
“And who was all over Overdrive!?”
The fans again respond with “KOAS!”
“And who’s gonna be all over this fucking Fed?”
And again. “KAOS!”
“And what sound does a Sabur make!?”
The crowd moos!
You’ve already been pumped Full Throttle. And don’t get me wrong I’ve been hit with the Full Throttle, and I’ll be the first to tell you that it feels like getting fucked in the ass with a Singapore Cane!
Kristina, and Tony speak at once. “That is what it feels like.”
Trevor interjects on Kenny’s rant. “Aw… Kenny… Flattery won’t get you a thing.”
“Except in bed with your sister.” Kenny replied with a smile.
The fans cheer.
“It did.” Kristina interjected.
“What?” Tony screamed.
“Nothing.”
Trevor looks at Kenny, and licks his lips like a hungry predator. It’s in this moment that Trevor realizes that Kenny is much more of a pain in the ass as an enemy, and that’s why he can get away with comments like that. If not, it’s because Kenny fucking Kristina is no big surprise. Kenny fucking anybody is no big surprise. Kristina fucking...
Kenny again continues. “But I have never had my ego crushed. I’ve wondered. Have you ever wondered? Your gonna find out. I’m gonna walk into that ring at Overdrive like an invading military, but this isn’t a war on Terror boy! This isn’t war for a president. This isn’t a war for a country or a federation. This is a war on you. They say that my good friend Trevor over here is Hardcore. Well I’m just fucking Corps. This Monday night you go to boot with Sgt. Lambardo United States Marine. HOOAAH!
“I love it when he does that.” Kristina said from the announce table.
The fans cheer, and Trevor simple smiles at what I’m sure has already become his favored new weapon.
“But let me lay some truth down for ya.” Lambardo continued. “I was a rookie too once. Take some time to look at what I’ve done in that year alone. I know that you really don’t care about any of that crap, so I won’t bore with my ungodly long list of accomplishments. Personally I’d like to know something about my opponents, but not you. You just want to bust skulls. Win some gold. That won’t get you anywhere. I don’t even think that you want gold. I don’t think that you even want to bust skulls. I think that your just want to do your, poses, and your catchphrases, and travel the country without having to hear your daddy call you gay anymore. You watch ECW every whenever the fuck you said it was on, have been mistaken for Brock Lesnar, and then mistook me… Me of all people, to a mere mortal like Randy Ortin! You’re a fan boy. Not even a man. We’re not in school anymore boy! But it’s okay, losing to me won’t make you a loser. It’ll just make you like everyone else. Consider it your first career accomplishment. Hell it might even make you a man. Don’t see it as pain. See it as weakness leaving the body. Have it make you better. Don’t worry about the fans, or the titles, or even fucking Jeff! Worry about me! Show me! Impress me! And when you’re lying there on the mat… Looking up at the white lights… See the image of your savior, with his fist raised in victory above you.
With that security has returned, and this time they brought back up. And from the looks of it, the back up had back up of their own. That was a lot of fucking security. They swarmed! So what would any good sergeant tell the squad to do when completely outnumbered?
“Retreat!” Sgt. Lambardo yelled into the microphone.
Kenny, and the Blackwells disappear into the crowd, and the “KAOS KAM” cuts, because Fyre Angel nailed the closest security guard to her in the head with it. And you all thought that I had forgotten about her. Told you a camera wielding Fyre Angel scared me.
OOC: I know that it truely is an ungodly length, but I really hope that you all enjoyed it. Its been quite a while since I've done this, so I would really like some feedback from everyone.
