Post by Pepsi on Apr 28, 2013 17:21:38 GMT -4
Curitiba, Brazil
Thursday, April 25, 2013
*The oversized Pepsi bus pulls up to a Hotel in Curitiba. Billy Pepsi stands up and stretches his arms. He lets out a yawn and looks over at Elliot Von Wilderspin.*
PEPSI:
Boy, oh boy, I am so glad we're here. I can't wait to get a good nights sleep in a nice soft bed.
*Billy waits for Elliot to respond, but Elliot is intently staring at his iPad. Billy looks over his shoulder to see what he is looking at. Elliot is reading an email.*
Elliot,
Please report to headquarters immediately. The Corporation is very displeased with recent events. Do not delay. Get on an airplane immediately. Our patience is wearing thin. We are considering pulling the plug. I would rather not, but it is up to you to convince the rest otherwise. Time is of the essence here.
*Elliot looks up at Billy who is peering over his shoulder. Billy has a confused look on his face.*
PEPSI:
What does essence mean?
VON WILDERSPIN:
You know, some people consider it rude to read over another persons shoulder.
PEPSI:
Pffft... That's what you said about poking fat kids in the belly, but the kid back at the gas station was laughing about it.
VON WILDERSPIN:
He wasn't laughing, he was crying you imbecile!
PEPSI:
Figures, nobody we've come across in South America knows how to speak English. The on kid who actually knows what Blubber butt means is the one I say it to.
*Elliot looks up at Billy with disgust. He prepares to say something, but shakes it off.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Look, as much as I would love to continue this conversation with you, I have a very important meeting I have to get to which will probably lead to me getting fired. Which will lead to me losing my money, my car, and my home. And since you are probably the closest thing I have to a friend in this world, which is so sad to say, I will have no friends either, and I have to leave right away.
*Billy just stares at an exasperated Elliot. Then speaks.*
PEPSI:
Cool, can I come?
*Elliot stares at Billy with a look of exhausted frustration that you could only understand if you have had a toddler sit next to you and respond to every statement you make with the word Why? For 2 freaking hours straight, just because they want to get under your skin.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
NO!
*Elliot's face turns beet red with frustration. Billy just shrugs his shoulders.*
PEPSI:
Fine suit yourself. It sounds like a pretty depressing meeting anyways. Besides, we've been on the go so much the last few weeks, I haven't even gotten the chance to do any South American sight seeing.
*Elliot's bug out at this statement. He is clearly terrified at the prospect of Billy being left to his own devices in Brazil.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Listen to me Billy, this is a very sensitive time right now. We can't have any more out ups like we had with the Pro Wrestling Weekly reporter, or the Dora The Explorer incident. I want you to promise me that you will not leave the Hotel until I get back. This is very important.
*Billy huffs and puffs a little but eventually reaches his hand out to shake Elliot's*
PEPSI:
Ok, I promise.
*Elliot smiles and shakes Billy's hand. Unseen to Elliot's eyes were the crossed fingers behind Billy's back. Billy walks off the bus smiling, feeling he had gotten the better of Elliot. Elliot sits and ponders the situation. He steps off the bus as Billy walks into the Hotel. He waves over one of the bell hops.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Listen, my friend there has a terrible habit of getting himself into trouble. It is very important that he not leave this Hotel. Your assistance in this matter would be much appreciated.
*Elliot pulls out a large wad of cash and hands it to the young bell hop. The young man's eyes light up. He smiles and gives Elliot a nod. He takes the cash and puts it in his pocket.*
BELLHOP:
Of course. You can count on me sir.
*Elliot smiles and goes to hail a cab to the airport, confident that the situation has been taken care of.*
-----------------------
Undisclosed Location In The United States
Friday, April 26, 2013
*Elliot sits in a waiting room. He is watching a video on his iPad. It is a video that was recorded of Billy Pepsi singing and dancing to the theme from Dora The Explorer, filmed by one of the fans that gathered to watch the embarrassing display. Elliot shakes his head and sighs. As he watches the video, his countenance begins to change. A smile creeps across his face. The secretary looks up from her desk and calls out to him.*
SECRETARY:
They are ready for you now.
*Elliot spring out of his seat and marches onwards the board room with a renewed confidence. He walks into a dark room. There's 7 people seated around a table. Of course we can't see any of there faces, because it's more mysterious that way. Elliot stands across the table from them. One of the people throws a magazine towards him. Elliot catches it and looks at the cover. It is the cover of Pro Wrestling Weekly. At the bottom corner of the cover there is a small headline that reads
Possible Mentally Challenged Wrestler in the APW Ranks
Elliot turns to the page of the story written by Harold Dick. The first line of the story is highlighted.
Some say APW megastar Billy Pepsi is just a brat with below average intelligence. However, a recent interview I conducted with him in which he referred to Roy Speede as a barf breathed, butt face, made me question is he just an idiot, or is APW now hiring the mentally challenged?
Elliot puts the magazine down on the table. He the plugs his iPad into a nearby projector.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Before you say anything, I have some things I would like to say. Firstly, I would like to remind everyone that since Billy made his return to the APW he has won both of his matches. One of the main things I was commissioned to do was to urn Billy into a winner, and so far that has been happening.
Secondly, I understand how bad this article seems. Clearly Mr. Dick has some sort of anti APW agenda. Sadly, one of Billy's opponents on Monday The Guvnor has jumped on board the Billy is a retard train and I'll only add fuel to Mr. Dick's fire.
And thirdly, there is no one who has been more frustrated with the stupid things Billy says and does than me. He is an obnoxious, immature, idiotic, moronic, brat who always manages to get on my very last nerve. There are times that I just want to throw him off the bus and run him over with it.
All that being said, I believe we can use these stumbling stones as stepping stones to advance our agenda. Initially I thought this project was turning out to be a lost cause, until I saw this.
*Elliot puts the youtube video on the projector screen, and plays it in it's entirety. At the end of the video he turns bak around to address the group.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
I must admit, when I saw Billy doing this I was horrified. I almost died of embarrassment as I saw the video was posted on Youtube. That is until I noticed 2 things. #1, the video was posted 1 week ago and it already has over 1,000,000 views. Whether Billy was acting the way we wanted or not is irrelevant, the fact is the kid has gone viral.
#2, let me read some of the comments posted. Kewldude73 says I luv Billy he makes me lol. sexygurl69 says he is soooo funny I want to have his babies rofl. apwfan22 says his act is hilarious APW should give him more camera time. That's just a small sample of what people have been saying.
When you handed me this task you told me to make Billy a winner. so far that has been accomplished. billy has been winning, and people have been taking notice. As a matter of fact, this Monday Billy is in tag team action competing against 2 men who had a vicious battle over Meltdown's primary title The Guvnor and Michael Jennings. If Billy can pull off a win he just may be able to make his way into the title picture.
The other task you gave me was to make him popular. I have tried the conventional way of trying to turn him into a respectable man, I have to tell you, that is an impossible task. The kid doesn't have a respectful bone in his body. If conventional ways won't work, perhaps unconventional tactics will. You hired me to do this job, because I am the best. So step back and let me do this my way. Give me some time, and I will get this kid noticed. I will get his face all over the Internet. He will be so well known that he won't be able to step outside his bus without being surrounded by fans. I don't care what Harold Dick or The Guvnor are trying brand Billy as. No one will be talking about his level of intelligence, but everyone will be talking about him. Do you know why? Because I am Elliot Von Wilderspin darn it! And that is what I do?
*Elliot stops the speech. He is slightly embarrassed realizing he essentially just spoke to his bosses like he was cutting a wrestling promo. There is a long uncomfortable silence, but eventually one of the men begins to clap. Slowly but surely the rest join in till all the people are giving him a standing ovation. Elliot slowly backs out of the room and leaves with a huge smile on his face knowing he made his point well.*
--------------------------
Curitaba, Brazil
Sunday, April 28, 2013
*Elliot arrives back at the Hotel. His phone buzzes and he looks down and reads the email he received.
Elliot,
Excellent job. You did well. The corporation has agreed to give you more time with the boy. You have 1 month to prove the validity of your arguments. Should you succeed, we will take the project all the way. Do not disappoint me Elliot. Success will lead you to higher ground.
Elliot smiles. He gets out of the taxi and is grinning from ear to ear. He notices the Bellhop he paid to watch after Billy. The bellhop runs up and grabs his bag.*
BELLHOP:[/b]
Hello sir, It is good to see you again.
VON WILDERSPIN:
You as well my good man. I trust everything went well in my absence.
BELLHOP:
Yes sir! I assure you, Mr. Pepsi has not left the Hotel the entire time you were away.
VON WILDERSPIN:
I knew I could count on you. Is he up in the room now?
BELLHOP:
No sir. I believe he went to visit our in house comedy club. It's open mic night.
VON WILDERSPIN:
Great! That sounds like a great...
*Suddenly fear comes across Elliot's face. As he pieces together the prospect of Billy Pepsi and an open mic he gets very concerned. He bolts into the Hotel and runs as fast as he can to the comedy club. He arrives there, and sure enough there is a crowd of people rowing with laughter at Billy.Elliot tries to push his way through the crowd as Billy speaks.*
PEPSI:
...And let me tell you another thing about Roy Speede. Now I may not be the smartest tree in the nut, but Roy Speede ain't no Rocket Surgeon either.
*The crowd bursts out laughing. Little does Billy know they are actually laughing at his stupidity not his lame jokes, but he doesn't realize that so he keeps on going.*
PEPSI:
But enough about Roy Speede since we all know what a jerk he is. Let me talk about the North American Champion The Guvnor. Everyone thinks he's so smart, but he doesn't even speak English. He speaks whatever lame linguish they speak in England. I think it's Spanish maybe, but I never heard the word Bruvva on Dora so I can't be sure. I have heard Go Diego Go is a little more advanced so maybe they will tell me what it means.
*Again the people wept with laughter. This is confusing to Billy as he hasn't even gotten to the punch line yet, but he just rolls with it. Meanwhile Elliot has made it to the front of the crowd. He prepares to stop Billy, but he then notices someone in the crowd filming. Elliot smiles and relaxes as Billy continues.*
PEPSI:
Anyways that's all beside the point, the point is The Guvnor is a butt ugly, zit faced, pea brained, dirt bag. When I step in the ring with him I'm gonna shove my fist so far down his face he's gonna crap it out... Wait, what if I'm still attached? That wouldn't work so well.
*Billy scratches his head and ponders this thought. Of course knowing Billy he is developing a mental picture of this act... Yep, judging by the look on his face, that is exactly what happened. Billy shakes this disgusting thought off.*
PEPSI:
Scratch that. I never want to think about that again. Try this one on for size, I'm gonna kick his ugly butt so hard it's gonna end up on his shoulders.
*Billy ponders this one. New mental picture... Yep he seems satisfied with that one.*
PEPSI:
I tried to watch some of the dingus' interviews but I couldn't understand a single word he was saying. He talks like he has freaking marbles in is mouth. My friend Elliot said that it's not his fault he just has an English accident or something like that. But I don't care what kind of accident he was in, he should still be able to talk like a freaking human being.
*The crowd continues the laughter. Elliot shakes his head and rolls his eyes, but allows the idiocy to continue.*
PEPSI:
I understand he comes from London's underworld. That scares some people, but not me. I'm not scared of vampires. I have seen that movie a hundred times. I figure if Kate Beckinsale in a leather jumpsuit can fight the vampires off than so can I.
*Elliot smacks his forehead as Billy has one from dumb to down right absurd. He just chuckles to himself.*
PEPSI:
Then of course we have The Guvnor's tag team partner on Monday, Michael Jennings, or Mr. Crabby Pants as I like to call him. I don't even think that guy knows how to smile. He may be the most miserable person I've ever met. When I used to be miserable when I was a kid my dad would always say he would give me a reason to be miserable. I'm gonna give Mr. Crabby Pants a reason to be miserable when I make his face look like The Guvnor's shoulder butt.
*Again Billy gets the mental picture of The Guvnor's butt on his shoulders. He starts to laugh, and looks down. He sees Elliot standing there shaking is head. Billy collects himself and clears his throat.*
PEPSI:
I mean, The Guvnor and Michael Jennings are very respectable guys, with respectable, respectableness. As the respectful, respecter I am, I will show them respect on Monday. I furthermore will show nothing but respect to my respectable partner Robin Hood. I also pledge to help him in his battle against the sheriff of Nottingham, because I respect his efforts to help the poor.
*Billy gives a thumbs up with a fake smile and steps off the stage. The crowd is very confused by Billy's change. Elliot meets Billy at the exit of the club.*
PEPSI:
I know, I said too much again, just give me the lecture and gat it over with.
VON WILDERSPIN:
Actually I thought you did pretty well.
*Billy's eyes light up and he smiles.*
PEPSI:
You really think so?
VON WILDERSPIN:
Well, The Guvnor is kind of hard to understand, and Michael Jennings is a bit of a sourpuss. Though I should probably point out that your tags team partners name isn't Robin Hood, it's Robina Hood and she's actually a woman.
PEPSI:
Interesting. Do you think she's related to Robin Hood? I have always wanted to meet Little John. Maybe she could set it up for me.
*Elliot stares at Billy with disbelief. He prepares to say something, but then thinks better of it.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Yeah sure, maybe. Anyways, I have a surprise for you. The Corporation is so impressed with your recent wins they got you a gift. A special weapon for you to use in your match on Monday.
*Elliot pulls a large box out of his suitcase. It's a big suitcase ok, ease of my back. Billy rips into the box like a kid on Christmas morning.*
PEPSI:
Oh boy, oh boy.
*Billy pulls an oversized Pepsi can out of the box. He flashes a toothy grin.*
PEPSI:
Wow, I can't wait to bash The Guvnor, and Mr. Crabby Pants' faces in with this. And look they even spelled my name on it. Neato.
*Billy gives Elliot a high five and they make there way to the room.
That's all for today folks. I hope you have enjoyed the ride, actually that's not true, I really don't care what you think, so get lost already and leave me alone.*
Thursday, April 25, 2013
*The oversized Pepsi bus pulls up to a Hotel in Curitiba. Billy Pepsi stands up and stretches his arms. He lets out a yawn and looks over at Elliot Von Wilderspin.*
PEPSI:
Boy, oh boy, I am so glad we're here. I can't wait to get a good nights sleep in a nice soft bed.
*Billy waits for Elliot to respond, but Elliot is intently staring at his iPad. Billy looks over his shoulder to see what he is looking at. Elliot is reading an email.*
Elliot,
Please report to headquarters immediately. The Corporation is very displeased with recent events. Do not delay. Get on an airplane immediately. Our patience is wearing thin. We are considering pulling the plug. I would rather not, but it is up to you to convince the rest otherwise. Time is of the essence here.
*Elliot looks up at Billy who is peering over his shoulder. Billy has a confused look on his face.*
PEPSI:
What does essence mean?
VON WILDERSPIN:
You know, some people consider it rude to read over another persons shoulder.
PEPSI:
Pffft... That's what you said about poking fat kids in the belly, but the kid back at the gas station was laughing about it.
VON WILDERSPIN:
He wasn't laughing, he was crying you imbecile!
PEPSI:
Figures, nobody we've come across in South America knows how to speak English. The on kid who actually knows what Blubber butt means is the one I say it to.
*Elliot looks up at Billy with disgust. He prepares to say something, but shakes it off.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Look, as much as I would love to continue this conversation with you, I have a very important meeting I have to get to which will probably lead to me getting fired. Which will lead to me losing my money, my car, and my home. And since you are probably the closest thing I have to a friend in this world, which is so sad to say, I will have no friends either, and I have to leave right away.
*Billy just stares at an exasperated Elliot. Then speaks.*
PEPSI:
Cool, can I come?
*Elliot stares at Billy with a look of exhausted frustration that you could only understand if you have had a toddler sit next to you and respond to every statement you make with the word Why? For 2 freaking hours straight, just because they want to get under your skin.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
NO!
*Elliot's face turns beet red with frustration. Billy just shrugs his shoulders.*
PEPSI:
Fine suit yourself. It sounds like a pretty depressing meeting anyways. Besides, we've been on the go so much the last few weeks, I haven't even gotten the chance to do any South American sight seeing.
*Elliot's bug out at this statement. He is clearly terrified at the prospect of Billy being left to his own devices in Brazil.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Listen to me Billy, this is a very sensitive time right now. We can't have any more out ups like we had with the Pro Wrestling Weekly reporter, or the Dora The Explorer incident. I want you to promise me that you will not leave the Hotel until I get back. This is very important.
*Billy huffs and puffs a little but eventually reaches his hand out to shake Elliot's*
PEPSI:
Ok, I promise.
*Elliot smiles and shakes Billy's hand. Unseen to Elliot's eyes were the crossed fingers behind Billy's back. Billy walks off the bus smiling, feeling he had gotten the better of Elliot. Elliot sits and ponders the situation. He steps off the bus as Billy walks into the Hotel. He waves over one of the bell hops.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Listen, my friend there has a terrible habit of getting himself into trouble. It is very important that he not leave this Hotel. Your assistance in this matter would be much appreciated.
*Elliot pulls out a large wad of cash and hands it to the young bell hop. The young man's eyes light up. He smiles and gives Elliot a nod. He takes the cash and puts it in his pocket.*
BELLHOP:
Of course. You can count on me sir.
*Elliot smiles and goes to hail a cab to the airport, confident that the situation has been taken care of.*
-----------------------
Undisclosed Location In The United States
Friday, April 26, 2013
*Elliot sits in a waiting room. He is watching a video on his iPad. It is a video that was recorded of Billy Pepsi singing and dancing to the theme from Dora The Explorer, filmed by one of the fans that gathered to watch the embarrassing display. Elliot shakes his head and sighs. As he watches the video, his countenance begins to change. A smile creeps across his face. The secretary looks up from her desk and calls out to him.*
SECRETARY:
They are ready for you now.
*Elliot spring out of his seat and marches onwards the board room with a renewed confidence. He walks into a dark room. There's 7 people seated around a table. Of course we can't see any of there faces, because it's more mysterious that way. Elliot stands across the table from them. One of the people throws a magazine towards him. Elliot catches it and looks at the cover. It is the cover of Pro Wrestling Weekly. At the bottom corner of the cover there is a small headline that reads
Possible Mentally Challenged Wrestler in the APW Ranks
Elliot turns to the page of the story written by Harold Dick. The first line of the story is highlighted.
Some say APW megastar Billy Pepsi is just a brat with below average intelligence. However, a recent interview I conducted with him in which he referred to Roy Speede as a barf breathed, butt face, made me question is he just an idiot, or is APW now hiring the mentally challenged?
Elliot puts the magazine down on the table. He the plugs his iPad into a nearby projector.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Before you say anything, I have some things I would like to say. Firstly, I would like to remind everyone that since Billy made his return to the APW he has won both of his matches. One of the main things I was commissioned to do was to urn Billy into a winner, and so far that has been happening.
Secondly, I understand how bad this article seems. Clearly Mr. Dick has some sort of anti APW agenda. Sadly, one of Billy's opponents on Monday The Guvnor has jumped on board the Billy is a retard train and I'll only add fuel to Mr. Dick's fire.
And thirdly, there is no one who has been more frustrated with the stupid things Billy says and does than me. He is an obnoxious, immature, idiotic, moronic, brat who always manages to get on my very last nerve. There are times that I just want to throw him off the bus and run him over with it.
All that being said, I believe we can use these stumbling stones as stepping stones to advance our agenda. Initially I thought this project was turning out to be a lost cause, until I saw this.
*Elliot puts the youtube video on the projector screen, and plays it in it's entirety. At the end of the video he turns bak around to address the group.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
I must admit, when I saw Billy doing this I was horrified. I almost died of embarrassment as I saw the video was posted on Youtube. That is until I noticed 2 things. #1, the video was posted 1 week ago and it already has over 1,000,000 views. Whether Billy was acting the way we wanted or not is irrelevant, the fact is the kid has gone viral.
#2, let me read some of the comments posted. Kewldude73 says I luv Billy he makes me lol. sexygurl69 says he is soooo funny I want to have his babies rofl. apwfan22 says his act is hilarious APW should give him more camera time. That's just a small sample of what people have been saying.
When you handed me this task you told me to make Billy a winner. so far that has been accomplished. billy has been winning, and people have been taking notice. As a matter of fact, this Monday Billy is in tag team action competing against 2 men who had a vicious battle over Meltdown's primary title The Guvnor and Michael Jennings. If Billy can pull off a win he just may be able to make his way into the title picture.
The other task you gave me was to make him popular. I have tried the conventional way of trying to turn him into a respectable man, I have to tell you, that is an impossible task. The kid doesn't have a respectful bone in his body. If conventional ways won't work, perhaps unconventional tactics will. You hired me to do this job, because I am the best. So step back and let me do this my way. Give me some time, and I will get this kid noticed. I will get his face all over the Internet. He will be so well known that he won't be able to step outside his bus without being surrounded by fans. I don't care what Harold Dick or The Guvnor are trying brand Billy as. No one will be talking about his level of intelligence, but everyone will be talking about him. Do you know why? Because I am Elliot Von Wilderspin darn it! And that is what I do?
*Elliot stops the speech. He is slightly embarrassed realizing he essentially just spoke to his bosses like he was cutting a wrestling promo. There is a long uncomfortable silence, but eventually one of the men begins to clap. Slowly but surely the rest join in till all the people are giving him a standing ovation. Elliot slowly backs out of the room and leaves with a huge smile on his face knowing he made his point well.*
--------------------------
Curitaba, Brazil
Sunday, April 28, 2013
*Elliot arrives back at the Hotel. His phone buzzes and he looks down and reads the email he received.
Elliot,
Excellent job. You did well. The corporation has agreed to give you more time with the boy. You have 1 month to prove the validity of your arguments. Should you succeed, we will take the project all the way. Do not disappoint me Elliot. Success will lead you to higher ground.
Elliot smiles. He gets out of the taxi and is grinning from ear to ear. He notices the Bellhop he paid to watch after Billy. The bellhop runs up and grabs his bag.*
BELLHOP:[/b]
Hello sir, It is good to see you again.
VON WILDERSPIN:
You as well my good man. I trust everything went well in my absence.
BELLHOP:
Yes sir! I assure you, Mr. Pepsi has not left the Hotel the entire time you were away.
VON WILDERSPIN:
I knew I could count on you. Is he up in the room now?
BELLHOP:
No sir. I believe he went to visit our in house comedy club. It's open mic night.
VON WILDERSPIN:
Great! That sounds like a great...
*Suddenly fear comes across Elliot's face. As he pieces together the prospect of Billy Pepsi and an open mic he gets very concerned. He bolts into the Hotel and runs as fast as he can to the comedy club. He arrives there, and sure enough there is a crowd of people rowing with laughter at Billy.Elliot tries to push his way through the crowd as Billy speaks.*
PEPSI:
...And let me tell you another thing about Roy Speede. Now I may not be the smartest tree in the nut, but Roy Speede ain't no Rocket Surgeon either.
*The crowd bursts out laughing. Little does Billy know they are actually laughing at his stupidity not his lame jokes, but he doesn't realize that so he keeps on going.*
PEPSI:
But enough about Roy Speede since we all know what a jerk he is. Let me talk about the North American Champion The Guvnor. Everyone thinks he's so smart, but he doesn't even speak English. He speaks whatever lame linguish they speak in England. I think it's Spanish maybe, but I never heard the word Bruvva on Dora so I can't be sure. I have heard Go Diego Go is a little more advanced so maybe they will tell me what it means.
*Again the people wept with laughter. This is confusing to Billy as he hasn't even gotten to the punch line yet, but he just rolls with it. Meanwhile Elliot has made it to the front of the crowd. He prepares to stop Billy, but he then notices someone in the crowd filming. Elliot smiles and relaxes as Billy continues.*
PEPSI:
Anyways that's all beside the point, the point is The Guvnor is a butt ugly, zit faced, pea brained, dirt bag. When I step in the ring with him I'm gonna shove my fist so far down his face he's gonna crap it out... Wait, what if I'm still attached? That wouldn't work so well.
*Billy scratches his head and ponders this thought. Of course knowing Billy he is developing a mental picture of this act... Yep, judging by the look on his face, that is exactly what happened. Billy shakes this disgusting thought off.*
PEPSI:
Scratch that. I never want to think about that again. Try this one on for size, I'm gonna kick his ugly butt so hard it's gonna end up on his shoulders.
*Billy ponders this one. New mental picture... Yep he seems satisfied with that one.*
PEPSI:
I tried to watch some of the dingus' interviews but I couldn't understand a single word he was saying. He talks like he has freaking marbles in is mouth. My friend Elliot said that it's not his fault he just has an English accident or something like that. But I don't care what kind of accident he was in, he should still be able to talk like a freaking human being.
*The crowd continues the laughter. Elliot shakes his head and rolls his eyes, but allows the idiocy to continue.*
PEPSI:
I understand he comes from London's underworld. That scares some people, but not me. I'm not scared of vampires. I have seen that movie a hundred times. I figure if Kate Beckinsale in a leather jumpsuit can fight the vampires off than so can I.
*Elliot smacks his forehead as Billy has one from dumb to down right absurd. He just chuckles to himself.*
PEPSI:
Then of course we have The Guvnor's tag team partner on Monday, Michael Jennings, or Mr. Crabby Pants as I like to call him. I don't even think that guy knows how to smile. He may be the most miserable person I've ever met. When I used to be miserable when I was a kid my dad would always say he would give me a reason to be miserable. I'm gonna give Mr. Crabby Pants a reason to be miserable when I make his face look like The Guvnor's shoulder butt.
*Again Billy gets the mental picture of The Guvnor's butt on his shoulders. He starts to laugh, and looks down. He sees Elliot standing there shaking is head. Billy collects himself and clears his throat.*
PEPSI:
I mean, The Guvnor and Michael Jennings are very respectable guys, with respectable, respectableness. As the respectful, respecter I am, I will show them respect on Monday. I furthermore will show nothing but respect to my respectable partner Robin Hood. I also pledge to help him in his battle against the sheriff of Nottingham, because I respect his efforts to help the poor.
*Billy gives a thumbs up with a fake smile and steps off the stage. The crowd is very confused by Billy's change. Elliot meets Billy at the exit of the club.*
PEPSI:
I know, I said too much again, just give me the lecture and gat it over with.
VON WILDERSPIN:
Actually I thought you did pretty well.
*Billy's eyes light up and he smiles.*
PEPSI:
You really think so?
VON WILDERSPIN:
Well, The Guvnor is kind of hard to understand, and Michael Jennings is a bit of a sourpuss. Though I should probably point out that your tags team partners name isn't Robin Hood, it's Robina Hood and she's actually a woman.
PEPSI:
Interesting. Do you think she's related to Robin Hood? I have always wanted to meet Little John. Maybe she could set it up for me.
*Elliot stares at Billy with disbelief. He prepares to say something, but then thinks better of it.*
VON WILDERSPIN:
Yeah sure, maybe. Anyways, I have a surprise for you. The Corporation is so impressed with your recent wins they got you a gift. A special weapon for you to use in your match on Monday.
*Elliot pulls a large box out of his suitcase. It's a big suitcase ok, ease of my back. Billy rips into the box like a kid on Christmas morning.*
PEPSI:
Oh boy, oh boy.
*Billy pulls an oversized Pepsi can out of the box. He flashes a toothy grin.*
PEPSI:
Wow, I can't wait to bash The Guvnor, and Mr. Crabby Pants' faces in with this. And look they even spelled my name on it. Neato.
*Billy gives Elliot a high five and they make there way to the room.
That's all for today folks. I hope you have enjoyed the ride, actually that's not true, I really don't care what you think, so get lost already and leave me alone.*
