Post by biggs on Jun 12, 2015 14:03:09 GMT -4
The scene opens on a bright soundstage, with a curved white backdrop that has the words “THE DATING GAME” in bold, red pop-out letters. There is a curved divider wall in the center of the stage, and the lights are dimmed on the right side. There appears to be three people seated in the dark.
As the theme music plays, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante enters from stage right. He is dressed in a white suit, with an unbuttoned white shirt. A gold chain rests around his neck, and his hair is slicked back. Sr. Guapo greets the crowd in a thick Mexican accent.
Sr. Guapo: Welcome, ladies and caballeros, to The Dating Game! I am your host, Armando Asante, but all the sexy women call me Sr. Guapo! To my left, we have three sexy, eligible bachlorettes, whom our lucky bachelor will be able to ask a few questions. After the round of questions is complete, he will then select one of these women to go on a date, but without seeing them before hand. Before we bring him out, why don’t we introduce las chicas bonitas! Bachelorette #1, tell us a little bit about yourself?
The lights come on above bachelorette #1, revealing a red-headed woman with an infectious smile. She’s dressed in a purple blouse with a black pencil skirt and a purple headband that matches her shirt.
Bachelorette #1: Hello, Sr. Guapo, my name is Ellie! I’m from Stanford, California, where I’ve recently gone back to school to finish my undergraduate degree in Biology.
Sr. Guapo: That is interesting, but it might have helped your chances today if you had majored in chemistry instead!
Ellie giggles a bit before responding in a flirty manner.
Ellie: Why study it when I’m already an expert?
This draws hoots and hollers from the crowd, which causes Ellie to blush a little bit. Sr. Guapo has a grin a mile wide on his face.
Sr. Guapo: If he doesn’t end up picking you, baby, Sr. Guapo would love to have a study break with you! Onto bachelorette #2
The light above bachelorette #2 comes on to reveal a shorter brunette woman, with a friendly face, slightly chubby cheeks, and lovely brown eyes. She is clad in a red sun dress with a white sweater over it. Her hair is just over shoulder length, and swept to one side.
Bachelorette #2: Hi, I’m Alice. I just recently moved to Portland, Oregon, after living in Seattle my entire life. There’s really not much interesting about me, I think, except the fact that I adore Doctor Who, and can bake a pretty mean soufflé.
Sr. Guapo: If you’re lucky, our bachelor would travel through time and space for that soufflé! See, Sr. Guapo knows his geek references! Bachelorette #3, let’s get to know you a bit!
The lights above Bachelorette #3 turn on to reveal none other than APW Mega Star Sally Talfourd. The studio audience hoots and hollars, clapping loudly as Sally smiles and acknowledges their cheers.
Sr. Guapo: Sr. Guapo thinks they already know you, Bachelorette #3! Still, would you introduce yourself, por favor?
Sally: My name is Sally, and I’m an alcoholic… Nope, just kidding! You people might know me from a little wrestling company called Exodus Wrestling, not to mention Action Packed Wrestling. Really, I’ve been all over.
Sr. Guapo: Sr. Guapo wishes you’d be all over him! But hey, our eligible bachelor may just be so lucky if he picks you!
Sally shakes her head a bit at Sr. Guapo’s off color remark, while Ellie and Alice pretend to laugh along with the joke. It’s clear that all three feel like the host is going a bit too far with his banter.
Sr. Guapo: Speaking about our bachelor, let’s bring him out! He’s a retired professional wrestler who now spends his days running a wrestling school in Seattle, and spends his evenings volunteering at local schools and soup kitchens. Ladies and caballeros, help me in welcoming Biggs to the stage!
The show’s theme music plays again as Biggs walks out on stage, waving to the crowd. He’s clad in blue jeans and a light blue button up shirt. He shakes Sr. Guapo’s hand before taking a seat in the clear bubble style chair right next to the dividing wall. Sr. Guapo hands him a small stack of index cards.
Sr. Guapo: Welcome to the Dating Game. If you’ve seen this show before, you know the drill, but let’s refresh the memories! You’ll ask the three lovely bachelorettes the questions on the cards, and after a few rounds of questioning, you will select one to go out on an all expenses paid date! Well, all expenses except the hotel room if things go incredibly well!
Biggs blushes a bit at what Sr. Guapo is insinuating, but tries his best to remain cordial.
Biggs: I can assure you that that won’t be happening on the first date, but still, thanks for having me. I guess let’s get right into this thing.
Biggs looks at the first index card, and reads the question.
Biggs: Bachelorette #1, I used to fight for a living. As such, I know all sorts of moves and techniques. What move would you use to make me submit to your will?
Biggs gives a Jim Halpert like look directly to the camera, as he finds the question ridiculous. Ellie thinks for a moment before answering matter-of-factually.
Ellie: I would emotionally manipulate you just like you emotionally manipulated me, and guilt trip you into staying with me even though it would probably be better for us to be apart. And even after you decide to sacrifice everything for me, I’d still leave you.
The crowd inappropriately “Oohs!” and “Awes!” like she said something racy, while Biggs gulps.
Biggs: Well that was incredibly honest and oddly specific. On to Bachelorette #2, one of my favorite shows of all-time is Doctor Who, in which an alien takes his companions on adventures all throughout time and space. If we could go on a date anywhere in time and space, where would we go, and what would we do?
Alice: Oh, I love that show too! You should pick me because of that!
Sr. Guapo: Don’t be so desperate, honey. Answer the question.
Alice looks down at her feet, Sr. Guapo’s words obviously stinging her. After a brief moment, she looks back up and answers awkwardly.
Alice: If our date could be anywhere in time & space, it would be in your bedroom 20 minutes ago so that we wouldn’t even have to be here right now…
The studio audience is fired up by Alice’s answer, even though it’s obvious that she wasn’t comfortable with her own answer. Alice’s face is almost as red as her outfit as Biggs pulls on his collar a bit, and moves on to the next question.
Biggs: Bachelorette #3, I have a bit of a reputation for sharing cheesy pick-up lines. What’s your best pick-up line?
A flirtatious grin comes across Sally’s face, and she mouths “Should I?” to the audience as points towards the dividing wall. The crowd is making all sorts of noise, many of them yelling out “Yes!” and “Go for it!”
Sally: Babe, I’m here to take you on a date and chew bubble gum, and I’m all out of bubble gum!
This draws a loud “WOOOOO!” from the studio audience. Sally keeps it going.
Sally: Or how about this one, since you used to be a wrestler, do you wanna go over on me tonight?!
“OOOOHHHHHH!” the crowd gasps in unison, and Sr. Guapo loses it, walking off camera to compose himself. Biggs sits in the chair, jaw dropped. He stammers a bit as he moves on to the next question.
Biggs: Bachelorette #1, if you were to give yourself a nickname, what would it be and why?
Ellie: Can I answer what nickname I’d give you instead?
Biggs: Sure, go ahead.
Ellie: I’d call you Title Deed, because I’d own your butt! I’d have you more whipped than a government mule. Some guys like that, I hear, and I hope you’re one of them.
Biggs: A lot of wrestling references tonight. And I’m not so sure I would like that, Bachelorette #1. Can you please answer the question as it was originally asked?
Ellie purses her lips and furrows her brows, looking perturbed.
Ellie: I don’t know. I’d call myself the owner, for the same reason…
She crosses her arms over her chest and pouts a bit, which Biggs can’t see because of the divider.
Biggs: Bachelorette #2, same question.
Alice responds immediately.
Alice: Whatever you want to call me!
Biggs: I’m going to be honest, Bachelorette #2, you’re not really making a distinct impression on me so far. I’ll ask you another question. What car best describes your personality?
Alice: It’s not a car, but I’d say The Tardis. I may seem unassuming and unspectacular on the outside, but I’ve been told my mouth is much bigger on the inside.
It’s painfully obvious that Alice is trying to be sexy, trying to answer the questions in a way to get a reaction, but not being comfortable with it. Sally reaches over to pat her on the shoulder, showing compassion for her fellow bachelorette.
Sally: If I may interject, Bachelorette #2, instead of saying what you think he wants to hear, you should just be yourself. Let’s hear it for her!
Sally gets to her feet and riles up the crowd, and a loud “Number 2! Number 2!” chant gets going. Alice begins to smile, and gets up to give Sally a grateful hug. The two women then take their seats, as Sr. Guapo motions for the crowd to quiet down.
Sr. Guapo: That’s the first time I’ve ever seen something like that on this show! Next time, let me get in on that girl-on-girl hug fest!
Biggs: Bachelorette #2, why don’t we try that question one more time.
Alice: Thank you. If I had to say what kind of car I was, I’d have to go with a VW Beetle. Kind of quirky, but reliable.
Biggs: I can tell from your voice that you were much more comfortable with that response. That’s what I like to hear. Bachelorette #3, if you could have any super power, what would it be, and would you use it for good or evil?
Sally: There’s just so many to pick from, but I’d have to say super speed, so that I could make you fall in love with me more quickly!
Biggs: You know, that’s the power I’d pick too! I like the way you think!
Sally: Great minds…
At that answer, a buzzer sounds, indicating the end of the game.
Sr. Guapo: Alright, mi amigo, the time has come for you to pick one of these sexy ladies to go on a date with! Who will it be? Bachelorette #1?
The camera pans to each bachelorette as Sr. Guapo states their number. Ellie still has her arms crossed and looks upset.
Sr. Guapo: Bachelorette #2?
Alice looks incredibly nervous and unsure of herself.
Sr. Guapo: Or bachelorette #3?
Sally winks towards the crowd while holding her hands up like guns, with a confident smirk on her face. A drum roll begins as the camera focuses back on Biggs.
Sr. Guapo: So, Biggs, which lucky bachelorette is it going to be?
Biggs: Well, I’ve got to Bachelorette #3.
DING! DING! DING! DING! A bell goes off and the camera zooms on Sally, who is smiling from ear to ear. The audience claps and cheers.
Sr. Guapo: Let’s meet the two Bachelorettes you decided to pass on. First, meet Ellie!
Ellie stands up from her chair and walks past the divider, giving Biggs a quick, polite hug, although it’s obvious she’s not happy about not being picked. She hurries off the stage.
Sr. Guapo: Up next is Alice! Don’t be shy, sweetheart!
Alice timidly walks around the divider, and when she sees Biggs, her face lights up. She gives him a hug, and a peck on the cheek. This causes Biggs to blush a bit.
Alice: Dang. Maybe next time!
She walks off stage as well, leaving only Sally on the other side of the divider.
Sr. Guapo: So now that they’re gone, it’s time to meet your date. Can you tell us why you selected Bachelorette #3?
Biggs: I don’t know. I think what it ultimately came down to is I asked myself, “What if I don’t select her,” and I didn’t ask myself the same question with the other two women. In any event, I’m excited to meet her!
Sr. Guapo: Let’s not wait any longer! Numero tres, come on over, por favor!
Sally walks around the divider, and both her and Biggs are jubilant.
Biggs: Holy smokes, Sally! It’s you!
Sally: It’s about time you took me on a date! Sr. Guapo, can you have the announcer tell us where we’re going on our date already!?
Sr. Guapo: Okay Stan, tell them where they’re going!
Stan: Well, Biggs and Sally, you’ll be heading to Charlotte, North Carolina, for the Action Packed Wrestling Reunion Show!
Biggs and Sally look at each other with bemused looks, and Sally gives Biggs a playful slug on the shoulder.
Sally: You’re going down like Charlie Brown in Chinatown!
Biggs: Not if I make you go down first!
Sr. Guapo: Well folks, that’s all the time we have for The Dating Game today! Thank you for joining us! Next time, we’ll try the impossible task of finding a date for Mr. Dangerous!
The Dating Game theme song plays again as Biggs and Sally continue to chat on the stage and the camera zooms out.
As the theme music plays, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante enters from stage right. He is dressed in a white suit, with an unbuttoned white shirt. A gold chain rests around his neck, and his hair is slicked back. Sr. Guapo greets the crowd in a thick Mexican accent.
Sr. Guapo: Welcome, ladies and caballeros, to The Dating Game! I am your host, Armando Asante, but all the sexy women call me Sr. Guapo! To my left, we have three sexy, eligible bachlorettes, whom our lucky bachelor will be able to ask a few questions. After the round of questions is complete, he will then select one of these women to go on a date, but without seeing them before hand. Before we bring him out, why don’t we introduce las chicas bonitas! Bachelorette #1, tell us a little bit about yourself?
The lights come on above bachelorette #1, revealing a red-headed woman with an infectious smile. She’s dressed in a purple blouse with a black pencil skirt and a purple headband that matches her shirt.
Bachelorette #1: Hello, Sr. Guapo, my name is Ellie! I’m from Stanford, California, where I’ve recently gone back to school to finish my undergraduate degree in Biology.
Sr. Guapo: That is interesting, but it might have helped your chances today if you had majored in chemistry instead!
Ellie giggles a bit before responding in a flirty manner.
Ellie: Why study it when I’m already an expert?
This draws hoots and hollers from the crowd, which causes Ellie to blush a little bit. Sr. Guapo has a grin a mile wide on his face.
Sr. Guapo: If he doesn’t end up picking you, baby, Sr. Guapo would love to have a study break with you! Onto bachelorette #2
The light above bachelorette #2 comes on to reveal a shorter brunette woman, with a friendly face, slightly chubby cheeks, and lovely brown eyes. She is clad in a red sun dress with a white sweater over it. Her hair is just over shoulder length, and swept to one side.
Bachelorette #2: Hi, I’m Alice. I just recently moved to Portland, Oregon, after living in Seattle my entire life. There’s really not much interesting about me, I think, except the fact that I adore Doctor Who, and can bake a pretty mean soufflé.
Sr. Guapo: If you’re lucky, our bachelor would travel through time and space for that soufflé! See, Sr. Guapo knows his geek references! Bachelorette #3, let’s get to know you a bit!
The lights above Bachelorette #3 turn on to reveal none other than APW Mega Star Sally Talfourd. The studio audience hoots and hollars, clapping loudly as Sally smiles and acknowledges their cheers.
Sr. Guapo: Sr. Guapo thinks they already know you, Bachelorette #3! Still, would you introduce yourself, por favor?
Sally: My name is Sally, and I’m an alcoholic… Nope, just kidding! You people might know me from a little wrestling company called Exodus Wrestling, not to mention Action Packed Wrestling. Really, I’ve been all over.
Sr. Guapo: Sr. Guapo wishes you’d be all over him! But hey, our eligible bachelor may just be so lucky if he picks you!
Sally shakes her head a bit at Sr. Guapo’s off color remark, while Ellie and Alice pretend to laugh along with the joke. It’s clear that all three feel like the host is going a bit too far with his banter.
Sr. Guapo: Speaking about our bachelor, let’s bring him out! He’s a retired professional wrestler who now spends his days running a wrestling school in Seattle, and spends his evenings volunteering at local schools and soup kitchens. Ladies and caballeros, help me in welcoming Biggs to the stage!
The show’s theme music plays again as Biggs walks out on stage, waving to the crowd. He’s clad in blue jeans and a light blue button up shirt. He shakes Sr. Guapo’s hand before taking a seat in the clear bubble style chair right next to the dividing wall. Sr. Guapo hands him a small stack of index cards.
Sr. Guapo: Welcome to the Dating Game. If you’ve seen this show before, you know the drill, but let’s refresh the memories! You’ll ask the three lovely bachelorettes the questions on the cards, and after a few rounds of questioning, you will select one to go out on an all expenses paid date! Well, all expenses except the hotel room if things go incredibly well!
Biggs blushes a bit at what Sr. Guapo is insinuating, but tries his best to remain cordial.
Biggs: I can assure you that that won’t be happening on the first date, but still, thanks for having me. I guess let’s get right into this thing.
Biggs looks at the first index card, and reads the question.
Biggs: Bachelorette #1, I used to fight for a living. As such, I know all sorts of moves and techniques. What move would you use to make me submit to your will?
Biggs gives a Jim Halpert like look directly to the camera, as he finds the question ridiculous. Ellie thinks for a moment before answering matter-of-factually.
Ellie: I would emotionally manipulate you just like you emotionally manipulated me, and guilt trip you into staying with me even though it would probably be better for us to be apart. And even after you decide to sacrifice everything for me, I’d still leave you.
The crowd inappropriately “Oohs!” and “Awes!” like she said something racy, while Biggs gulps.
Biggs: Well that was incredibly honest and oddly specific. On to Bachelorette #2, one of my favorite shows of all-time is Doctor Who, in which an alien takes his companions on adventures all throughout time and space. If we could go on a date anywhere in time and space, where would we go, and what would we do?
Alice: Oh, I love that show too! You should pick me because of that!
Sr. Guapo: Don’t be so desperate, honey. Answer the question.
Alice looks down at her feet, Sr. Guapo’s words obviously stinging her. After a brief moment, she looks back up and answers awkwardly.
Alice: If our date could be anywhere in time & space, it would be in your bedroom 20 minutes ago so that we wouldn’t even have to be here right now…
The studio audience is fired up by Alice’s answer, even though it’s obvious that she wasn’t comfortable with her own answer. Alice’s face is almost as red as her outfit as Biggs pulls on his collar a bit, and moves on to the next question.
Biggs: Bachelorette #3, I have a bit of a reputation for sharing cheesy pick-up lines. What’s your best pick-up line?
A flirtatious grin comes across Sally’s face, and she mouths “Should I?” to the audience as points towards the dividing wall. The crowd is making all sorts of noise, many of them yelling out “Yes!” and “Go for it!”
Sally: Babe, I’m here to take you on a date and chew bubble gum, and I’m all out of bubble gum!
This draws a loud “WOOOOO!” from the studio audience. Sally keeps it going.
Sally: Or how about this one, since you used to be a wrestler, do you wanna go over on me tonight?!
“OOOOHHHHHH!” the crowd gasps in unison, and Sr. Guapo loses it, walking off camera to compose himself. Biggs sits in the chair, jaw dropped. He stammers a bit as he moves on to the next question.
Biggs: Bachelorette #1, if you were to give yourself a nickname, what would it be and why?
Ellie: Can I answer what nickname I’d give you instead?
Biggs: Sure, go ahead.
Ellie: I’d call you Title Deed, because I’d own your butt! I’d have you more whipped than a government mule. Some guys like that, I hear, and I hope you’re one of them.
Biggs: A lot of wrestling references tonight. And I’m not so sure I would like that, Bachelorette #1. Can you please answer the question as it was originally asked?
Ellie purses her lips and furrows her brows, looking perturbed.
Ellie: I don’t know. I’d call myself the owner, for the same reason…
She crosses her arms over her chest and pouts a bit, which Biggs can’t see because of the divider.
Biggs: Bachelorette #2, same question.
Alice responds immediately.
Alice: Whatever you want to call me!
Biggs: I’m going to be honest, Bachelorette #2, you’re not really making a distinct impression on me so far. I’ll ask you another question. What car best describes your personality?
Alice: It’s not a car, but I’d say The Tardis. I may seem unassuming and unspectacular on the outside, but I’ve been told my mouth is much bigger on the inside.
It’s painfully obvious that Alice is trying to be sexy, trying to answer the questions in a way to get a reaction, but not being comfortable with it. Sally reaches over to pat her on the shoulder, showing compassion for her fellow bachelorette.
Sally: If I may interject, Bachelorette #2, instead of saying what you think he wants to hear, you should just be yourself. Let’s hear it for her!
Sally gets to her feet and riles up the crowd, and a loud “Number 2! Number 2!” chant gets going. Alice begins to smile, and gets up to give Sally a grateful hug. The two women then take their seats, as Sr. Guapo motions for the crowd to quiet down.
Sr. Guapo: That’s the first time I’ve ever seen something like that on this show! Next time, let me get in on that girl-on-girl hug fest!
Biggs: Bachelorette #2, why don’t we try that question one more time.
Alice: Thank you. If I had to say what kind of car I was, I’d have to go with a VW Beetle. Kind of quirky, but reliable.
Biggs: I can tell from your voice that you were much more comfortable with that response. That’s what I like to hear. Bachelorette #3, if you could have any super power, what would it be, and would you use it for good or evil?
Sally: There’s just so many to pick from, but I’d have to say super speed, so that I could make you fall in love with me more quickly!
Biggs: You know, that’s the power I’d pick too! I like the way you think!
Sally: Great minds…
At that answer, a buzzer sounds, indicating the end of the game.
Sr. Guapo: Alright, mi amigo, the time has come for you to pick one of these sexy ladies to go on a date with! Who will it be? Bachelorette #1?
The camera pans to each bachelorette as Sr. Guapo states their number. Ellie still has her arms crossed and looks upset.
Sr. Guapo: Bachelorette #2?
Alice looks incredibly nervous and unsure of herself.
Sr. Guapo: Or bachelorette #3?
Sally winks towards the crowd while holding her hands up like guns, with a confident smirk on her face. A drum roll begins as the camera focuses back on Biggs.
Sr. Guapo: So, Biggs, which lucky bachelorette is it going to be?
Biggs: Well, I’ve got to Bachelorette #3.
DING! DING! DING! DING! A bell goes off and the camera zooms on Sally, who is smiling from ear to ear. The audience claps and cheers.
Sr. Guapo: Let’s meet the two Bachelorettes you decided to pass on. First, meet Ellie!
Ellie stands up from her chair and walks past the divider, giving Biggs a quick, polite hug, although it’s obvious she’s not happy about not being picked. She hurries off the stage.
Sr. Guapo: Up next is Alice! Don’t be shy, sweetheart!
Alice timidly walks around the divider, and when she sees Biggs, her face lights up. She gives him a hug, and a peck on the cheek. This causes Biggs to blush a bit.
Alice: Dang. Maybe next time!
She walks off stage as well, leaving only Sally on the other side of the divider.
Sr. Guapo: So now that they’re gone, it’s time to meet your date. Can you tell us why you selected Bachelorette #3?
Biggs: I don’t know. I think what it ultimately came down to is I asked myself, “What if I don’t select her,” and I didn’t ask myself the same question with the other two women. In any event, I’m excited to meet her!
Sr. Guapo: Let’s not wait any longer! Numero tres, come on over, por favor!
Sally walks around the divider, and both her and Biggs are jubilant.
Biggs: Holy smokes, Sally! It’s you!
Sally: It’s about time you took me on a date! Sr. Guapo, can you have the announcer tell us where we’re going on our date already!?
Sr. Guapo: Okay Stan, tell them where they’re going!
Stan: Well, Biggs and Sally, you’ll be heading to Charlotte, North Carolina, for the Action Packed Wrestling Reunion Show!
Biggs and Sally look at each other with bemused looks, and Sally gives Biggs a playful slug on the shoulder.
Sally: You’re going down like Charlie Brown in Chinatown!
Biggs: Not if I make you go down first!
Sr. Guapo: Well folks, that’s all the time we have for The Dating Game today! Thank you for joining us! Next time, we’ll try the impossible task of finding a date for Mr. Dangerous!
The Dating Game theme song plays again as Biggs and Sally continue to chat on the stage and the camera zooms out.
***
”Sally Talfourd versus Biggs.”
“I still can’t believe this match is actually happening. Because while our paths may have crossed once or twice in the ring, Sally, it was never on the kind of stage we find ourselves on at the APW Reunion Show.”
“We’re the Main Event, the last match on the card, the match that will be responsible for making sure the fans go home happy. Sure, there may be more violent matches, like the Hell-in-a-Cell match between Jason Kash and Johnny Knuckles, or matches with more spectacle like the TLC match with Evan Envi, Shane Borderland, and Delikado. Heck, there’s even a match between good ol’ Buckson Gooch and Young Mannie, where the loser will get slopped!”
“Bottom line, Sally, is that when you and I step into that ring, we’re going to be expected to deliver a match for the ages. If we give anything less than a five-star effort, then our match will be considered a disappointment. Heck, that could be said of the entire APW Reunion Show, but because we’re on last, because we are the main event, there is extra pressure to live up to expectations. No gimmicks, no shortcuts, just your wrestling ability against my wrestling ability.”
“Well, actually this match is about more than wrestling. It’s about a weird little friendship that you and I have had going for some years now. Between us both sharing the hometown of Seattle, Washington and our mutual love of ‘The Office,’ not to mention our similar, fast-paced, hybrid submission/high-flying styles, and there’s a lot of reasons why we’ve always gotten along.”
“As I look back on my time in APW, you’re the only person I can truly say has been my friend, and never my enemy, even though I was kind of a jerk a lot of times. C.J. Gates and I started out as enemies. Level-One and I had whole mutual respect thing going for a bit, but it was never really a friendship. President Jeff and I had a freakin’ blood feud, man. And even my one time best friend Chris Cyrus had an affair with my fiancé at the time, Ellie! And yet through it all, you were always kind to me, always had an encouraging word, and yeah, sometimes you’d pick on me and flirt with me knowing how uncomfortable it would make me, but it was never out of a place of malicious spite, it was always playful.”
“Now I’m not saying that we have a Sam and Diane, or Jim and Pam thing going here, but I do know that I’ve always wondered ‘What if…” about you. Like what if I had decided to take your advice and not get married to Ellie.”
“It’s easy to look back at that time now and say it was a mistake. I had no business getting married to Ellie. I know now that the reason we got married wasn’t because we were good together, we were just miserable without each other. I know in my heart that I truly did love Ellie, but the bottom line is that we simply weren’t right for each other. She was the first woman that I could say that I loved, but it was a selfish love. Not the kind of love that can last. Rather than trying to fix our problems, one of us would hurt the other, and then we’d lord it over the offending party until we hurt them back. I can’t count the number of talks you and I had in the locker room, just so I could get away from the pain. You never told me that I was right, you never told me that I was wrong. You were just a great friend who was there for me when I needed you to be, and I appreciate that.”
“When I started my relationship with Alice, you were already on Asylum. I tried to take it slow, to just be friends, but I found myself making some of the same mistakes with her that I did with Ellie. Grand gestures of friendship that were perhaps a little too much for where our relationship was at, long talks about things that didn’t need to be said, quite frankly, I rushed headlong into that relationship, and it simply didn’t last. You probably would have had some good advice for me that would have helped me to at least remain friends with her.”
“Finally, there’s the ‘What if…’ of APW closing down after RassleMania X. I really should have had the guts to ask you out for a cup of coffee, or in my case, hot chocolate, just to catch up. I know I haven’t been the best friend in terms of keeping in touch before this match came about, but once I got the call from Johnny Rebel saying that he wanted us to headline this pay per view, well, it may be a weasely way of rekindling our friendship, but hey, I’ll take it!”
“When we step out into that ring in Charlotte, North Carolina, we aren’t entering that ring as enemies. Heck, we’re not even entering it as rivals. We’re stepping into that ring as two friends who want to prove to one another that we are simply the two best wrestlers in the world!”
“You may seemingly have every advantage heading in, seeing as how every time we’ve fought one-on-one, you’ve left victorious. Also, the fact that this is my first match since RassleMania X, while you’ve remained active, doesn’t really help my chances. But you know as well as anybody, Sally, that when I come back from a long layoff, well, that’s just further motivation for me to perform at the highest level! Just ask Pence Weatherlight. Ask C.J. Gates if you must. Because while we may both be entering that ring as friends, I know that you won’t be holding back, and neither will I!”
“The bottom line is this, Sally, at the APW Reunion Show, I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that I end the match with my arm raised in victory, just like you will. I don’t expect any quarter given, because I will give you none in return. I won’t hold anything you do to me in that ring against you, and I hope the same from you. I don’t want there to be any ‘What ifs…’ in regards to our match!”
“And win, lose, or draw, either way this match goes, afterwards, I’d like to buy you a coffee.”
”Sally Talfourd versus Biggs.”
“I still can’t believe this match is actually happening. Because while our paths may have crossed once or twice in the ring, Sally, it was never on the kind of stage we find ourselves on at the APW Reunion Show.”
“We’re the Main Event, the last match on the card, the match that will be responsible for making sure the fans go home happy. Sure, there may be more violent matches, like the Hell-in-a-Cell match between Jason Kash and Johnny Knuckles, or matches with more spectacle like the TLC match with Evan Envi, Shane Borderland, and Delikado. Heck, there’s even a match between good ol’ Buckson Gooch and Young Mannie, where the loser will get slopped!”
“Bottom line, Sally, is that when you and I step into that ring, we’re going to be expected to deliver a match for the ages. If we give anything less than a five-star effort, then our match will be considered a disappointment. Heck, that could be said of the entire APW Reunion Show, but because we’re on last, because we are the main event, there is extra pressure to live up to expectations. No gimmicks, no shortcuts, just your wrestling ability against my wrestling ability.”
“Well, actually this match is about more than wrestling. It’s about a weird little friendship that you and I have had going for some years now. Between us both sharing the hometown of Seattle, Washington and our mutual love of ‘The Office,’ not to mention our similar, fast-paced, hybrid submission/high-flying styles, and there’s a lot of reasons why we’ve always gotten along.”
“As I look back on my time in APW, you’re the only person I can truly say has been my friend, and never my enemy, even though I was kind of a jerk a lot of times. C.J. Gates and I started out as enemies. Level-One and I had whole mutual respect thing going for a bit, but it was never really a friendship. President Jeff and I had a freakin’ blood feud, man. And even my one time best friend Chris Cyrus had an affair with my fiancé at the time, Ellie! And yet through it all, you were always kind to me, always had an encouraging word, and yeah, sometimes you’d pick on me and flirt with me knowing how uncomfortable it would make me, but it was never out of a place of malicious spite, it was always playful.”
“Now I’m not saying that we have a Sam and Diane, or Jim and Pam thing going here, but I do know that I’ve always wondered ‘What if…” about you. Like what if I had decided to take your advice and not get married to Ellie.”
“It’s easy to look back at that time now and say it was a mistake. I had no business getting married to Ellie. I know now that the reason we got married wasn’t because we were good together, we were just miserable without each other. I know in my heart that I truly did love Ellie, but the bottom line is that we simply weren’t right for each other. She was the first woman that I could say that I loved, but it was a selfish love. Not the kind of love that can last. Rather than trying to fix our problems, one of us would hurt the other, and then we’d lord it over the offending party until we hurt them back. I can’t count the number of talks you and I had in the locker room, just so I could get away from the pain. You never told me that I was right, you never told me that I was wrong. You were just a great friend who was there for me when I needed you to be, and I appreciate that.”
“When I started my relationship with Alice, you were already on Asylum. I tried to take it slow, to just be friends, but I found myself making some of the same mistakes with her that I did with Ellie. Grand gestures of friendship that were perhaps a little too much for where our relationship was at, long talks about things that didn’t need to be said, quite frankly, I rushed headlong into that relationship, and it simply didn’t last. You probably would have had some good advice for me that would have helped me to at least remain friends with her.”
“Finally, there’s the ‘What if…’ of APW closing down after RassleMania X. I really should have had the guts to ask you out for a cup of coffee, or in my case, hot chocolate, just to catch up. I know I haven’t been the best friend in terms of keeping in touch before this match came about, but once I got the call from Johnny Rebel saying that he wanted us to headline this pay per view, well, it may be a weasely way of rekindling our friendship, but hey, I’ll take it!”
“When we step out into that ring in Charlotte, North Carolina, we aren’t entering that ring as enemies. Heck, we’re not even entering it as rivals. We’re stepping into that ring as two friends who want to prove to one another that we are simply the two best wrestlers in the world!”
“You may seemingly have every advantage heading in, seeing as how every time we’ve fought one-on-one, you’ve left victorious. Also, the fact that this is my first match since RassleMania X, while you’ve remained active, doesn’t really help my chances. But you know as well as anybody, Sally, that when I come back from a long layoff, well, that’s just further motivation for me to perform at the highest level! Just ask Pence Weatherlight. Ask C.J. Gates if you must. Because while we may both be entering that ring as friends, I know that you won’t be holding back, and neither will I!”
“The bottom line is this, Sally, at the APW Reunion Show, I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that I end the match with my arm raised in victory, just like you will. I don’t expect any quarter given, because I will give you none in return. I won’t hold anything you do to me in that ring against you, and I hope the same from you. I don’t want there to be any ‘What ifs…’ in regards to our match!”
“And win, lose, or draw, either way this match goes, afterwards, I’d like to buy you a coffee.”
