Really...

["The Hottest Shit Going"]

Really...that was it...DAMN!!!

At another house show broadcasted live on APW.com to hype up the Mayhem PPV I find myself there backstage. This time not booked for action yet I feel as if these people will see the JESUS on camera. Why you ask, because as I sit back stage watching the production of this smaller show I see a replay of Jim Steel's little bar room promo that he shot on me. Most wrestlers get fired up when they see there opponents promo and I guess when I slammed my chair backward and stood straight up you could say it affected me as well. I storm through the back hallways, and around a corner to the stage prep area. I shoot a glare at the sound engineer that tells him I mean business, and I'm going out one way or another. With that I see him call to the production truck telling them the brief change in plans, and he cues up my music. I quickly grab a mic he extends my direction sticking it in the back pocket of my jeans as the lights dim just before the music starts to violently awaken this crowd in attendance.

I step out and the lights flciker upon my sillhouette briefly as I pull the mic from my pocket and b line it toward the ring. No JESUS pose, no chit chat with the fans letting them know how much I can't stand them, just right to business by rolling under the ropes and springing to my feet. I pace back and forth waiting for the music to stop before lifting the mic to my mouth. Like ussual the fans scream with hatred as I do but I pay them no mind and just shoot from the hip.


"I am disgusted, as all you people should be. President Jeff, Biggs, Assassian you all should be disgusted with yourselves, hell Jim Steel I hope you are disgusted because I am."

The fans rumble with boo's and disdain as I continue on.

"The biggest match of your life, the largest oppurtinity to fall in your lap and thats the effort you put forth, thats the work you put in prior to this once in a lifetime opportunity. Jim Steel you haven't achieved squat in this piss poor career of yours becasue of little bags of shit like that you put forth. Here we are going into Mayhem, and I expected a promo, some brutal words, maybe a few violent out bursts. Instead I have a giant, clumbsy, douche nozzle putting forth stick figure drawings when the assignement clearly called for a landscape portrtait. I am really shocked right this very moment Steel. I can't believe what I just witnessed. With the effort you just shelled out here I could stay home from Mayhem and still retain my title. I really don't think you understand what you have gotten yourself into."

I take a deep breath trying to calm my frustration and dissapointment that I once again have zero effort needed to retain the title.


"Jim Steel, you are like a Teenage Morman Virgin that has just walked into a brothel. No matter what you think you know, how many times you have beat that meat, you aren't ready for the warm and wet pleasures of the the vagina. Jim Steel I am your first pussy, and I am the bomb ass pussy that will make you a man. At Mayhem I will take your virginity in a violent earth shattering way. I'm sure you will come in blazing all puffed up like the Hulk, you will rock back and forth, trying to jackhammer your way around, and within an instant your premature, young unexperienced ass will pop loose and shrivel back to it's regular size. Thats when the shame will set in, and the embrassement will overcome you. In that moment you will realize you were indeed not ready for some Lively Pussy. No matter how much you enjoyed the experience, in your heart you know you can't handle it, and will from this day on stick to trolling the lowly streets and leave the high grade stuff alone. You see I am the professional pussy, the kind your daddy can't handle, and the stuff your mother warned you about. You my firend really should just stick to the games of cum knuckles you play nightly alone in your bed, because fucking is for grown folk who can last longer then three seconds."

I chuckle a bit as the crowd looks on kind of stunned that I reffered to myself as a pussy. I pay it no mind and continue on.


"Jim Steel your journey to the brothel, your lust to tangle with the Bomb Ass Pussy is all fueled by one thing...the Xtreme title."

With that I point to the rampway. Micky Avalon's "My DICK" blares throughout the speakers as my disciple steps out carrying the Xtreme championship over his shoulder with pride as if he were the one who busted his ass to get it. Lil Dick makes his way into the ring and takes his place at my right side. I look down at the title belt drapped over his shoulder.

"This is your motivation Jim, this is what has brought you to the dance, because you wish to be Prom King. Well let me tell you something you worthless no talent sack of confussed cow shit this belt doesn't mean a fucking thing. I could simply walk backstage kicking the locker rooms open until I find yours, stroll inside and set the damn thing on your lap. You can have this strap of leather, the gold plates rivoted to it, hell I'll even pay to have your name engraved on it. Just know when I leave it there in your possession I'm still the champ. You see that little visual I just layed forth for your ignorant ass tells you just how I feel, the fact that Lil Dick now carries the belt lets you know my stance. This belt is meaningless, and from your actions and little to no effort put out I's say thats the only way you would have the pleasure of getting one of these because it's clear you don't have what it takes to earn one."

With that I drop to my knees in the center of the ring.

"So Jin Steel I am begging you please, please bring something to the table. Please step the fuck up and challenge me. This Backyardigans bullshit belongs on NIckolodean, not at Mayem. So do me a favor and put on your thinking cap, I want you to sit down and give it your all. Get creative, get emotional, get passionate, get SOMETHING because this effort so far has been pathetic. I don't give a shit if you by a birthday cake light some candles and make a wish, rub a rabbits foot, or even pray to ME because I will listen. I need a challenge, I need you to at least try. It's clear to all that you show no REAL work ethic, and if you arrive at Mayhem with that same attitude I will dispense of you within an instant. No more fooling around, no more pulling the punches to try and give these retards a show while I toy with an inferior opponent."

The fans scream with vulgarities as I stand back upright.

"If you don't have what it takes thats cool, if you can't step up thats fine, just don't kid anybody with these half assed promo's...simply shut your fucking mouth, walk to the ring, and embrace the ass whipping coming your way. I will make it short and sweet, I will steam roll you like hot asphalt ready to be matted down. After that waste of my fucking time promo you shot it's clear thats all I am doing...waisting my time. So at Mayhem I tell you this, my time is valuable, and I know you don't have deep enough pockets to front the bill, so hang that chin out there once the bell rings and I will do the rest. It will be a short night once that super kick is planted on your wide ass jaw. Your T-Rex looking ass will wobble back and forth on your back screaming to get up, until I put on the finishing touches with the Prelude. All that will be left is for you to head to the back, pick up your walking papers because if the people here had any smarts they would no longer let you ruin the tone of the APW with your shoddy antics, half assed bullshit, and lack luster disgracefullness. Simply put if you don't have the shits, stay the fuck off the toilet."

People begin the chant as I walk on past there played ount antics and continue on with the finishing touches to this in ring promo.

"I am greatness, I am perfection, I am the Hottest Shit Going, and I am your mother fucking JESUS. Boo me if you will, hate on me all you like, just know when you close your eyes to sleep it's me you wish to be. The man who has done it all, achieved all there is to attain, the most decorated APW superstar, the one who holds the most wins. Since my arrival I have been the franchise, hell even in my brief departure people couldn't stop speaking my name. I am the center of your existince, the life blood that keeps you going, I am the energy the fuels your will, I am the motivation to all your achievements, I am the fury that lights your fire, I am the passion that sparks within your soul, I am the reason you people breath, am I the JESUS. Hell I might as well piss liquid gold, and shit out platinum bricks becasue it gets no better then I. So Jim Steel enjoy this brief moment where you not only make your grandest stand, but you get wiped out with ease. You are a mortal fucking with a God, you are a peasant stepping toward a king...THEE KING!!! I will call upon the flames of hell to rise up and incerate you to nothing more then ashes. While you lay smuldering I will simply bless you with my golden stream to ease the pain of getting burnt by the Hottest Shit Going. None of this is meant to scare you, none of it is meant to intimidate, these are all simple comandaments of truth brought about by your mother fucking savior!!!"

With that I flip the microphone and strike the I am JESUS pose. Lil Dick takes his place between my legs holding up the Xtreme title as the fans shower me with hatred and anger.