What you DIDN'T see at Rasslemania

[Ryan Ruckus]

. . .

BACKSTAGE – DURING RASSLEMANIA VII

The retaining APW Overdrive Champion’s new theme song, “Sun,” has barely stopped playing throughout Memorial Stadium in Berkeley, when a loud and jostling mass of pure frenetic rage bursts from the entrance ramp area, and into the backstage hall. Production crew, roster talent, and VIP fans of every variety, barely have time to scatter, before a Ryan Ruckus-like juggernaut explodes onto the scene, screaming to himself.

RUCKUS: What?! …How?! …When?! …How?! …Why?! …HOW?! …Who?! …BIGGS! …Of all the bad-luck, butt-rucking, unbelievable bullshit!

SLAM! Whir-whir-whir-whir. CRASH! A plastic trashcan falls to a front kick and skitters across the backstage hall, causing to Event Staff workers to jump it just before it rolls into a refreshment table and takes one of its legs out. Bottles of water and energy bars cascade onto the cold cement floor.

RUCKUS: I don’t suck, right? –screaming into the face of a nearby stagehand- Right?! …No, I’m Ryan Ruckus. The One Man Hall of Fame. 2-time SCW Grand Slam champion. Winner of the 3rd annual EFK tournament. Star of On Hallowed Ground. Conqueror of Survive and Conquer. –glancing around the immediate area with wild, flitting eyes- That’s what I do; I win! …Who do you want to see me pin?! …This guy?!

Reaching out, Ruckus grabs a passing member of the arena security crew and scoop slams him onto the concrete. Gasps and shrieks echo from the nearby witnesses, as Ryan falls atop the security guard and self-counts 1…2…3.

RUCKUS: Who else, huh?! –pointing to a pony-tailed merch vendor- …Him?! …You wanna see me pin HIM?!

The merch vendor frantically shakes his ponytail ‘no.’ But Ruckus grabs a Heavyweight title replica off the merch table and flattens the poor guy with it. And as he hits the ground, Ryan hops onto the table and leaps off with a falling elbow, before self counting again.

1… 2… 3.

RUCKUS: There, see?! …Who else? Huh?! Who wants some?! …You!

Suddenly, Will Smith stops in his tracks and turns around.

WILL SMITH: Me?

RUCKUS: Yeah, Hitch. You!

Will Smith starts laughing.

WILL SMITH: Ruckus, you crazy.

RUCKUS: Yeah? Crazy this!

SLAP! Ruckus smacks Will Smith across the face. For a moment, his head swings to the side, but when it returns, it wears a look like, ‘Okay, NOW, I’m gonna kill you.’

WILL SMITH: Oh no you did not just do that.

RUCKUS: I totally did. What are YOU going to do about it, Fresh Ponce?

Will Smith runs a thumb across his nose, Bruce Lee style, and swings. Ruckus dodges and turns to flee, running along the curved hallways. But a second later, Will Smith has his shirt off and is giving chase.

RUCKUS: Ha! I knew it!!!

Ducking around a corner, R2 disappears from view. And as Will, who is only four of five steps behind him turns to follow, Ruckus reappears from around the corner and-

CLANG!

Drops Will Smith with a spade head shovel. Where’d he get it? Who the hell knows. But he has it. And it worked.

RUCKUS: Who is Legend now, bitch?

Placing a foot atop Will Smith’s chest, Ruckus raises his left hand while using his right to slap the wall beside him.

1… 2… 3.

RUCKUS: 20 million dollars a picture… Please!

But by now, a small army of guards have gathered, lead by Bobbo, head of arena security.

BOBBO: Drop the shovel and step away from Bagger Vance.

Ruckus gives them the finger.

RUCKUS: Make me!

Suddenly, Terry Marvin and AJ King are on the scene. They both look a bit confused, not having seen what went down. But when 12 security guards are surrounding your stablemate in a semi-circle, it’s not hard to tell things aren’t going well.

TMARV: Ruckus, what the hell are you doing?

RUCKUS: Shut up.

AJ: Dude, just think for a minute-

RUCKUS: Ruck off. If they want me, the can come and get me.

And then, one of them does. Holding his Mag light out in front of him like a club, one of the guards approaches, looking to subdue the Anti-Villain. But all he gets for his trouble is a maniacally-hollering Ruckus grabbing ahold of his arm and locking in the RU-BAR.

RUCKUS: Tap, whore. You are too weak to supplant my will! Now tap!

The security guard yowls in pain, as Ruckus wrenches back. A look to his eyes shows there’s nothing behind them but anger and frustration.

BOBBO: Dammit, Ruckus, this is your last chance. Drop the weapons, let go of my guard, and step away from Jada Pickett’s baby-daddy.

RUCKUS: Or else what? You’ll intimidate me with your walkie talkie?

Ruckus goes to give him the finger again, but the next thing he knows, he floored by the feeling of 50,000 volts coursing through his body. And a trace along the dart-firing wires shows Bobbo holding on to the other end.

BOBBO: No, or I’ll be forced to take you out with my portable taser.

RUCKUS: –groaning and twitching from the floor- I can’t believe you tased me, bro!

-And as the other Contourage members look on, disappointed or confused or both, the scene slowly fades to Black on R2’s twitching face, and transitions to-

ANAHEIM COUNTY JAILHOUSE – ONE HOUR LATER

Ruckus now stands, gazing out from behind the bars of the holding cell he’s leaning on. Behind him, a grizzled –yet potentially gay (not that that’s a bad thing)-- biker dude listens to Ruckus’story.

RUCKUS: So that’s how I got kicked out of Rasslemania and ended up in this holding cell. I beat up Will Smith –at least, I think he was Will Smith-, I scrapped with the stagehands, I disappointed my stablemates, and I forcefully defied backstage security. All because I need to prove to the world and myself, that despite what my current success seems to imply, I can pin ANYONE. ANYWHERE.

The grizzled-yet-potentially-gay Biker Dude smiles.

BIKER DUDE: You can pin me if you want.

And Ryan’s eyes go forlorn.

RUCKUS: *gulp*

. . .

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT OVERDRIVE
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