Post by Bryan J. Greatness on Apr 28, 2008 16:19:17 GMT -4
*After some random dark match finishes, some APW staffers start setting up the ring for some props. Red carpet, a sheet covered chock board, four desks from some local elementary school, and one large desk in front of all of them. After about ten minutes of preparation, the arena erupts into a chorus of boos as Comfort Eagle by Cake starts to play, echoing threw the Arena. More pyro then humanly possible flashes from around the stage, and as the blinding light subsides, there is only The Greatness standing there with is arms held high, his head up turned, and an air that he is better then you. Slowly, he struts down to the ring, grinning at the fans cursing and jeering him down the ramp. As he reaches the bottom, he rolls into the ring and climbs the nearest turnbuckle, raising his arms to the sky, giving a pose as sparks shower down upon the ring from the roof. The Greatness takes a mic from a ring hand, and sits on the large desk.*
The Greatness: Wow… just…. Wow…. I , Bryan J. Greatness, has come to save you all from this boring, flavorless crap that most of this “talent” here things you deserve. I am here to teach all of you, and those wasting your time and money in the back what true entertainment truly is.
*The Greatness stands up and shakes his head.*
The Greatness: I mean… a dude who thinks he’s a cow… a midget… an unassuming white guy, a Submissive Technician, and Two jobbers. How could any of you think this was a good gimmick? Did you wake up all excited like it was Christmas morning and though “Oh Boy! I know! If I walk around thinking I’m a cow, I will shock and amazing millions! I will be the most important dumb ass on TV!”
*The crowd chuckles slightly*
The Greatness: What you need is a lesson how selling yourself and that is why Professor Greatness has come to enlighten you all. Let’s take a look at some examples on what not to do.
*The Greatness walks over to the chock board and pulls the sheet off it, revealing names written on it. He pulls out a ruler from the desk, and points it at the first name.*
The Greatness: Ok, fist we have The “Xtremist” Tony Blackwell. Now you see this is a throw back from the late 90’s remember that? When everything have to be Extreme, or so over the top that it stopped making sense? Here is how you know a gimmick sucks. If your whole deal can be summon up on the package of nachos, it’s probably not a good idea. So, the “Xtremist” Tony Nachocheese, please, try again.
*The crowed chuckles a little bit, more, and of course boos from all the Tony Blackwell fans. The Greatness continues*
The Greatness: Second we have Seth Storm. Ok… where to start with this waste of trash… Not only does he have an over inflates sense of self worth, he also buys into his own gimmick in a way that is almost laugh able. He claims to be Savior of Professional Wrestling, or "gods gift" if you will. Now here's the problem with that. I’ve already beaten his ass senseless, threw his ass of a latter. If you were “all that and a bag of potato chips” before I got here, you may now kneel before your savior sport. It boils down to this kids, don’t write checks your ass can’t cash, cause there is always going to be someone who’s gonna want to make a deposit, in the Bank of Asskickery.
*Booing from the Seth Storm fans*
The Greatness: Third, the Iceman Jason Royce. Ok, taking the name from a douche bag from top gun? Classy… No seriously, stealing names from movie, and characters, shows how truly creative you are. And… wait… you’re significantly smaller and… whiter then I last remember you. Didn’t you look like a short fat guy from Brooklyn? Something to do with the number 13? Ah well, doesn’t matter. Oh, word to the wise for all of you in the back, watch yours when he’s around, I still have scar when he put a knife in mine.
*More laughs and chuckles*
The Greatness: Forth, we have, oh another Blackwell. "The Legend Killer" Trevor Blackwell. Oh, my bad. “Career Killer.” Aren’t we lucky that we get to live in a day and age blatant plagiary is not only accepted, but apparently endorsed? But let’s put that to the side shall we? How do you like this, this guy is so pathetic that he has to have his brother and his sister to help keep him out of trouble. But I guess you know what they say, “If you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.”
*The Greatness laughs to himself, finding himself amusing.*
The Greatness: Ok, let’s be serious here. We all know that the majority of the talent here doesn’t measure up, but at least, you will now have a reason to continue watching, and spending your hard earned money. Ladies, and gentlemen, The Greatness, is back, you may all bow down.
*The Greatness raises his arms into the air slowly, allowing all to bask in his glory, Comfort Eagle filling the arena, along with boos, and some cheers*
(TBC by Anyone who: I have pissed off/wants to taste some Greatness/sad I didn't make fun of them)
