Post by Reaver on Nov 18, 2011 16:50:13 GMT -4
this is the first of 3 old rps i posted last yr in UWF and i thought u guys would like a nice cheap laugh. i retained my title with these 3 rps for the record ;D ;D
Epilogue:
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house; not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse........What the fuck? That's not how i remember it. Johnny Knuckles was hung but the girlies all knew that; they all laid down on the floor like a mat. She screamed and moaned up and down on his bed, "I'm gonna' ride you like a fancy thoroughbred." Me in my boxers; her butt naked, to the kitchen is where i decided to take it. Bent her over the sink; doing it doggy style, she looked at me and said, "It's been a long while". The harder i thrusted; the louder she moaned, but the sound of her voice was monotoned. I needed to change positions really quick; so i decided to make her suck my dick. When what to my listening ears to appear, there was a strange noise coming from her rear. I wasn't quite sure but i think she just farted, "i'm sorry but i been holding it in since we started." She kept stroking me and even gave my balls a lick, I didn't want her to stop sucking my dick. So i ignored it and decided to let her finish, she started to talk to my cock in spanish. Tonight was full of wonder and fun; but now was the time for me to cum. I splooged all over her face and tits, she didn't seem to mind cuz' she was a ditz. I kicked her out and slammed the door, although we could have fucked some more. I had things to do and people to see, i didn't need her smothering me. I looked out my window and stared to stare, at her bo-legged ass down there. She looked up at me with an evil glare, threw down some money, said; "Here's some cab fare!" I started to feel bad that i dissed her, hey wait; wasn't that Kash's sister? I had Lethal Beatings to think about, i knew there couldn't any doubt. I'm walking away still the champ that night, Merry Christmas to all; and thanks for the fight.......(giggidy)
---A Johnny Knuckles Original
Scene:
The camera pans in on a small meak town covered in fog and despair. Everywhere you look seems to be halloween all year long. Weirdos and psychopaths roaming the streets wearing raggy clothes and and covered in dirt and filth from head to toe. It's obvious that this town is poor and in no mood for nonsense from anybody. When suddenly out from nowhere, a man wearing a skeleton costume comes from off camera. He jumps in screen with a super hero-esk feature about him standing there with his fists resting on his hips. He stares into the moonlight as if he's superman. (what kind of asshole would look this retarded?) Upon further description of this "wannabe" hero, its obvious that it's Johnny Knuckles. (.....nevermind) He looks around town and sees that nobody is decorating for christmas and that the look of depression has befallen everybody.
Knuckles: Need not to fear! I; Johnny Knuckleton, will save this town from bleek and utter.....whatever it is that you people suffer from.
The crowd of people just look at him like a loonatic and go about their business. Meanwhile, Knuckles goes to the edge of town where there seems to be a long dirt road. He follows this road deep into a dark and foggy woods. (i think we got the fact that it sucks here ok?) He comes across a set of trees all with doors on them leading to another part of the woods. He sees a door with a pumpkin on it (imagine that). A door with a giant turkey on it; he then starts to look hungry but he has a job to do. He opens the door with a giant holiday tree in front of it(...well duh i don't need to get sued) as it sucks him in and he falls down down until he finally lands in snow. He awakes to find himself in a very happy town where there's holiday lights all over the place, midgets singing (midgets and not elves because i don't need a lawsuit) and a laughter like no other coming from the far end of this holiday town (i say holiday for the same reason, to avoid a lawsuit). A giant man wearing red and stumbling everywhere, because he's drunk, is seen coming out of a house.......IT'S SANTA?
Santa: Hoe, Hoe, Hoe.....hey where's my fourth one? You bitches better get back inside or i'll have to bring back the pimp slap.
It was santa alright. Well, kinda' sort of. Anyways, Knuckles sits there in the shadows for a minute trying to ponder what's taking place all around him. He then finally hasd a thought. (seriously? just now?) He needs to bring the holiday cheer from this place and bring it to the last town. (gee sounds original) He heads back to that gloomy town and remembers that there was a guy who did things like that. Not a very bright man but a man who the rest of the town feared. A man who nobody would dare to ask for help from. This man was know throughout the town as....THE TITTY WITTY MAN!! That's right, the Titty Witty man was a man who preyed on the less fortunate and just because he's done everything in his life (except win a hardcore championship) that he deserves to be the top guy. Knuckles heads to his place on the edge of town.
He comes to the house thats covered in shit and smells like jerky. (sneaky sneaky) This is where the Titty Witty man would come to spend his days as the town terror or as i like to call the resident weirdo. Knuckles knocks but there's no answer. He knocks again and the door swings open only to find the place empty and abandoned. A soft "giggidy" is heard in the distance as Knuckles walks in to find out where that sound came from. Suddenly three little kids come walking in from the front. One is dressed like a jester, one is dressed, oddly enough, like santa clause, finally; the last one is, for some reason naked, wearing nothing but a bra on his head.
Kid 1: Hey! What are you doing in our play house?
Kid 2: This is our fort!
Kid 3: Derr, i want spagetti....
Knuckles: I was looking for the Titty Witty man. Who are you?
Kid 1: I'm Haley-quin....so like, whatever.
Kid 2: I'm....uh......call me copyright. (damn how many lawsuits am i trying to avoid?)
Kid 3: Who stole my laundry? They call me nipples.......
Knuckles: Wow, ok. So i need him to do a job for me.
Haley-quin: We can do it like fer-sure.
Copyright: sounds like fun.
Nipples: Who moved my cheese?
Knuckles explains the plan to capture the obscure reference of "Santa" and the kids all knod in acceptance. Knuckles walks off and the kids had a realization. What if they did the work and kept the prize all to themselves? Or better yet, Give him to Titty Witty man themselves? Imagine the reward? So they go about as planned and enter the tree with the holiday tree in front. They make their way to the house on the hill where the fat man in red was showing just what makes him the "man in charge". The kids all look on then turn around and puke. I mean seriously, who the hell wants to watch a fat man fail at satisfying one women let alone four women? They bust in right as the fat man busts out and they throw him into a giant sack (giggidy) and head back to the old house where Titty Witty was.
Haley-quin: Like; we have a present for you Titty Witty man.
Copyright: Ya, something extra special.....
Nipples: Can you kiss my boo boo?
This giant shadow imerges from the depths of this decrepid house that's currently being used for a fort. Out from underneathe the floor boards comes the most hidious thing you've ever seen. (Michael Jackson?.....too soon?) This unrelenting creature whose looks are so disgusting that even his own mother wouldn't slap him. He kinda looks like Chris Angel by complete coincidence.
Titty Witty Man: Ahh yes a sacrifice. Very nice children. You will be rewarded accordingly but for now, i want some alone time with our new guest. MUAHAHAHAHAHA
His laughter echoes throughout the town as Knuckles fears the worse. Yea sure the job was done but at what price? He was just trying to bring joy to a town that was gloomy and pitiful, like Seattle but with less dispair, and instead he got stabbed in the back by three little bitches. He darts past the crowd in town who aparently don't seem to know or really care for that matter; what's going on. He dashes inside and sees Titty Witty about to eat this fat man out of existance.
Knuckles: Eww man gross. Ya know where that's been?
Titty Witty Man: Knuckleton!! I won't let you ruin my appetite.
Knuckles: He fucks hoes dude, imagine how many STD's he has.
Titty Witty Man: ACK!! fine, keep him.
Titty Witty man throws the fat man away as Knuckles helps him up and they leave the house safe and sound.
Knuckles: Now how about some holiday cheer fat man?
Fat man: You kiddin'? *hick* i'm going back home to "unwrap" some hoes and "stuff" their stockings if ya catch my meaning. Bye you anorexic fuck....you remind me of a halloween decoration.
The fat man stumbles off into the distance right before he falls face first into the gutter somewhere. (how cliche)
Knuckles: Well, my work here is done. This place is now a lil' better and safer thanks to the efforts of......JOHNNY KNUCKLETON!!
He runs off into the distance as the crowd of towns people look around and realize that he really didn't accomplish shit. Everything is exactly the way it was before he showed up. The people continue to gloom about and minding their own business as the scene fades.
Knuckles: Another Johnny Knuckles original. What? No? It's still better what any of you three were thinking about. I'm sure Haley will be busy writing a letter to Santa about this and that. Zanta will plot and scheme with his little "elf" buddies. Translation: Underage sweatshop workers. And good ole' Andy Tits will find a way to shoot his eye out with a Red Ryder pump action assault rifle. Way to go you jackass. How many times did you play dress up in your career huh? Seriously? Let me guess, you're gonna go find one of those Charlie Brown trees and decorate it and watch it huntch over like the cartoon right?Completely lame dude. Why don't you put down that Sonic and Knuckles costume and pick up a book on how to fight. Or did you forget what happened to you last time you stepped up against me for MY Hardcore Championship? You still trying to get those canned peas out of the crack of your ass or did those pass when you shit yourself knowing that you recieve another undeserved shot at the title? Thank Legend for being such a twat to give you such an opportunity.
Now we have have a man who not only has an unresolved issue with reality but his own brother to boot. Zanta is it? Did you find me on your naughty list this year? Or last year? The year before that? Like i give a fuck. You don't get ahead in life by being "nice". It's a long road ahead in life and the only way to push forward is to do whatever it takes. You can go around claiming the glory of a man whose loved around the world for at least a few months of the year......but then what? What do you do when Valentines day rolls around? Mother's day? Easter? What about the Fourth of July? See, you are just as useless as the rest of the locker room. You are nothing more than a quick flash here and there with "holiday cheer" or whatever it is you call it then you're gone just as quickly as you came. (get it? a sex joke.) What about those who don't celebrate christmas you fat red dipshit? Rumor has it that Legend is Jewish. What now huh? No matter what you think you can do, there isn't enough angel dust in the world that can give you powers like "Santa" anyways so just shut the fuck up and continue to live in the shadow of a man who will not only best you in life, but inside that ring......ME.
Haley Haley Haley. What will we do with you? It's hard enough to not try and hurt you because your Kash's girlfriend or whatever it is that you wanna' call yourself. But the fact that you're a woman. How am i supposed to live with myself knowing i hit you? You may not realize this but i'm actually a decent guy. I don't believe in beating a woman. That kind of stuff went out with the rest of the 50's. You are impressive i will say but babe, do you really wanna' go this route? You're not the type to back down so i'll just be as blunt as possible. I really don't give a shit that you're Kash's girlfriend or a woman or whatever. You stepped into a man's world and realized a long time ago what you're really in for. Now as my opponent, expect to be treated like everybody else. I will hit you with every piece of blunt object i can get my hands on. It makes no difference to me how much pride you have but remember that this too comes with a price. I will do whatever i have to; to stay champ and you, just like everybody else in this match, will be severely hurt.
Tits, you already know that the outcome will be the same as it was two months ago. There won't be any old lady's beating you up i asure you but there will be alot of blood and i know how much you can't stomach that. Zanta, You are nothing more than a temporary fix. You claim to be bad but you're just misunderstood. Not that anybody really cares what you have to say, it's like being Jerry the brother of Christ. That's a pretty tough gig there man. Knowing that you will NEVER fill the shoes of the real man in charge. Haley, understand that i won't be pulling any punches for you. Be prepared and be ready to bleed. This will not be for the weak at heart nor will it be for anybody who can't hack it. Your true test awaits and amongst the three of you, you're probably the only person who deserves the title shot. I didn't get ahead in life by being a gentleman. I got ahead because i wasn't willing to put up with people's bullshit or drama. I am the current Hardcore Champion which means that no matter how hard you think you bring it, it will never be enough because you can't put me away. Now i may not be the brightest bulb in the knife drawer, but i refuse to quit. What do i expect out of the three of you? Fucking bring it. Bring everything you have. Hold nothing back. That's all a real man wants in life. Hit me with your best shot, that way when i still put you all out on your asses, there will be no excuses. There will be no reason as to why you lost other than the fact that i am better than you.
Epilogue:
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house; not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse........What the fuck? That's not how i remember it. Johnny Knuckles was hung but the girlies all knew that; they all laid down on the floor like a mat. She screamed and moaned up and down on his bed, "I'm gonna' ride you like a fancy thoroughbred." Me in my boxers; her butt naked, to the kitchen is where i decided to take it. Bent her over the sink; doing it doggy style, she looked at me and said, "It's been a long while". The harder i thrusted; the louder she moaned, but the sound of her voice was monotoned. I needed to change positions really quick; so i decided to make her suck my dick. When what to my listening ears to appear, there was a strange noise coming from her rear. I wasn't quite sure but i think she just farted, "i'm sorry but i been holding it in since we started." She kept stroking me and even gave my balls a lick, I didn't want her to stop sucking my dick. So i ignored it and decided to let her finish, she started to talk to my cock in spanish. Tonight was full of wonder and fun; but now was the time for me to cum. I splooged all over her face and tits, she didn't seem to mind cuz' she was a ditz. I kicked her out and slammed the door, although we could have fucked some more. I had things to do and people to see, i didn't need her smothering me. I looked out my window and stared to stare, at her bo-legged ass down there. She looked up at me with an evil glare, threw down some money, said; "Here's some cab fare!" I started to feel bad that i dissed her, hey wait; wasn't that Kash's sister? I had Lethal Beatings to think about, i knew there couldn't any doubt. I'm walking away still the champ that night, Merry Christmas to all; and thanks for the fight.......(giggidy)
---A Johnny Knuckles Original
Scene:
The camera pans in on a small meak town covered in fog and despair. Everywhere you look seems to be halloween all year long. Weirdos and psychopaths roaming the streets wearing raggy clothes and and covered in dirt and filth from head to toe. It's obvious that this town is poor and in no mood for nonsense from anybody. When suddenly out from nowhere, a man wearing a skeleton costume comes from off camera. He jumps in screen with a super hero-esk feature about him standing there with his fists resting on his hips. He stares into the moonlight as if he's superman. (what kind of asshole would look this retarded?) Upon further description of this "wannabe" hero, its obvious that it's Johnny Knuckles. (.....nevermind) He looks around town and sees that nobody is decorating for christmas and that the look of depression has befallen everybody.
Knuckles: Need not to fear! I; Johnny Knuckleton, will save this town from bleek and utter.....whatever it is that you people suffer from.
The crowd of people just look at him like a loonatic and go about their business. Meanwhile, Knuckles goes to the edge of town where there seems to be a long dirt road. He follows this road deep into a dark and foggy woods. (i think we got the fact that it sucks here ok?) He comes across a set of trees all with doors on them leading to another part of the woods. He sees a door with a pumpkin on it (imagine that). A door with a giant turkey on it; he then starts to look hungry but he has a job to do. He opens the door with a giant holiday tree in front of it(...well duh i don't need to get sued) as it sucks him in and he falls down down until he finally lands in snow. He awakes to find himself in a very happy town where there's holiday lights all over the place, midgets singing (midgets and not elves because i don't need a lawsuit) and a laughter like no other coming from the far end of this holiday town (i say holiday for the same reason, to avoid a lawsuit). A giant man wearing red and stumbling everywhere, because he's drunk, is seen coming out of a house.......IT'S SANTA?
Santa: Hoe, Hoe, Hoe.....hey where's my fourth one? You bitches better get back inside or i'll have to bring back the pimp slap.
It was santa alright. Well, kinda' sort of. Anyways, Knuckles sits there in the shadows for a minute trying to ponder what's taking place all around him. He then finally hasd a thought. (seriously? just now?) He needs to bring the holiday cheer from this place and bring it to the last town. (gee sounds original) He heads back to that gloomy town and remembers that there was a guy who did things like that. Not a very bright man but a man who the rest of the town feared. A man who nobody would dare to ask for help from. This man was know throughout the town as....THE TITTY WITTY MAN!! That's right, the Titty Witty man was a man who preyed on the less fortunate and just because he's done everything in his life (except win a hardcore championship) that he deserves to be the top guy. Knuckles heads to his place on the edge of town.
He comes to the house thats covered in shit and smells like jerky. (sneaky sneaky) This is where the Titty Witty man would come to spend his days as the town terror or as i like to call the resident weirdo. Knuckles knocks but there's no answer. He knocks again and the door swings open only to find the place empty and abandoned. A soft "giggidy" is heard in the distance as Knuckles walks in to find out where that sound came from. Suddenly three little kids come walking in from the front. One is dressed like a jester, one is dressed, oddly enough, like santa clause, finally; the last one is, for some reason naked, wearing nothing but a bra on his head.
Kid 1: Hey! What are you doing in our play house?
Kid 2: This is our fort!
Kid 3: Derr, i want spagetti....
Knuckles: I was looking for the Titty Witty man. Who are you?
Kid 1: I'm Haley-quin....so like, whatever.
Kid 2: I'm....uh......call me copyright. (damn how many lawsuits am i trying to avoid?)
Kid 3: Who stole my laundry? They call me nipples.......
Knuckles: Wow, ok. So i need him to do a job for me.
Haley-quin: We can do it like fer-sure.
Copyright: sounds like fun.
Nipples: Who moved my cheese?
Knuckles explains the plan to capture the obscure reference of "Santa" and the kids all knod in acceptance. Knuckles walks off and the kids had a realization. What if they did the work and kept the prize all to themselves? Or better yet, Give him to Titty Witty man themselves? Imagine the reward? So they go about as planned and enter the tree with the holiday tree in front. They make their way to the house on the hill where the fat man in red was showing just what makes him the "man in charge". The kids all look on then turn around and puke. I mean seriously, who the hell wants to watch a fat man fail at satisfying one women let alone four women? They bust in right as the fat man busts out and they throw him into a giant sack (giggidy) and head back to the old house where Titty Witty was.
Haley-quin: Like; we have a present for you Titty Witty man.
Copyright: Ya, something extra special.....
Nipples: Can you kiss my boo boo?
This giant shadow imerges from the depths of this decrepid house that's currently being used for a fort. Out from underneathe the floor boards comes the most hidious thing you've ever seen. (Michael Jackson?.....too soon?) This unrelenting creature whose looks are so disgusting that even his own mother wouldn't slap him. He kinda looks like Chris Angel by complete coincidence.
Titty Witty Man: Ahh yes a sacrifice. Very nice children. You will be rewarded accordingly but for now, i want some alone time with our new guest. MUAHAHAHAHAHA
His laughter echoes throughout the town as Knuckles fears the worse. Yea sure the job was done but at what price? He was just trying to bring joy to a town that was gloomy and pitiful, like Seattle but with less dispair, and instead he got stabbed in the back by three little bitches. He darts past the crowd in town who aparently don't seem to know or really care for that matter; what's going on. He dashes inside and sees Titty Witty about to eat this fat man out of existance.
Knuckles: Eww man gross. Ya know where that's been?
Titty Witty Man: Knuckleton!! I won't let you ruin my appetite.
Knuckles: He fucks hoes dude, imagine how many STD's he has.
Titty Witty Man: ACK!! fine, keep him.
Titty Witty man throws the fat man away as Knuckles helps him up and they leave the house safe and sound.
Knuckles: Now how about some holiday cheer fat man?
Fat man: You kiddin'? *hick* i'm going back home to "unwrap" some hoes and "stuff" their stockings if ya catch my meaning. Bye you anorexic fuck....you remind me of a halloween decoration.
The fat man stumbles off into the distance right before he falls face first into the gutter somewhere. (how cliche)
Knuckles: Well, my work here is done. This place is now a lil' better and safer thanks to the efforts of......JOHNNY KNUCKLETON!!
He runs off into the distance as the crowd of towns people look around and realize that he really didn't accomplish shit. Everything is exactly the way it was before he showed up. The people continue to gloom about and minding their own business as the scene fades.
Knuckles: Another Johnny Knuckles original. What? No? It's still better what any of you three were thinking about. I'm sure Haley will be busy writing a letter to Santa about this and that. Zanta will plot and scheme with his little "elf" buddies. Translation: Underage sweatshop workers. And good ole' Andy Tits will find a way to shoot his eye out with a Red Ryder pump action assault rifle. Way to go you jackass. How many times did you play dress up in your career huh? Seriously? Let me guess, you're gonna go find one of those Charlie Brown trees and decorate it and watch it huntch over like the cartoon right?Completely lame dude. Why don't you put down that Sonic and Knuckles costume and pick up a book on how to fight. Or did you forget what happened to you last time you stepped up against me for MY Hardcore Championship? You still trying to get those canned peas out of the crack of your ass or did those pass when you shit yourself knowing that you recieve another undeserved shot at the title? Thank Legend for being such a twat to give you such an opportunity.
Now we have have a man who not only has an unresolved issue with reality but his own brother to boot. Zanta is it? Did you find me on your naughty list this year? Or last year? The year before that? Like i give a fuck. You don't get ahead in life by being "nice". It's a long road ahead in life and the only way to push forward is to do whatever it takes. You can go around claiming the glory of a man whose loved around the world for at least a few months of the year......but then what? What do you do when Valentines day rolls around? Mother's day? Easter? What about the Fourth of July? See, you are just as useless as the rest of the locker room. You are nothing more than a quick flash here and there with "holiday cheer" or whatever it is you call it then you're gone just as quickly as you came. (get it? a sex joke.) What about those who don't celebrate christmas you fat red dipshit? Rumor has it that Legend is Jewish. What now huh? No matter what you think you can do, there isn't enough angel dust in the world that can give you powers like "Santa" anyways so just shut the fuck up and continue to live in the shadow of a man who will not only best you in life, but inside that ring......ME.
Haley Haley Haley. What will we do with you? It's hard enough to not try and hurt you because your Kash's girlfriend or whatever it is that you wanna' call yourself. But the fact that you're a woman. How am i supposed to live with myself knowing i hit you? You may not realize this but i'm actually a decent guy. I don't believe in beating a woman. That kind of stuff went out with the rest of the 50's. You are impressive i will say but babe, do you really wanna' go this route? You're not the type to back down so i'll just be as blunt as possible. I really don't give a shit that you're Kash's girlfriend or a woman or whatever. You stepped into a man's world and realized a long time ago what you're really in for. Now as my opponent, expect to be treated like everybody else. I will hit you with every piece of blunt object i can get my hands on. It makes no difference to me how much pride you have but remember that this too comes with a price. I will do whatever i have to; to stay champ and you, just like everybody else in this match, will be severely hurt.
Tits, you already know that the outcome will be the same as it was two months ago. There won't be any old lady's beating you up i asure you but there will be alot of blood and i know how much you can't stomach that. Zanta, You are nothing more than a temporary fix. You claim to be bad but you're just misunderstood. Not that anybody really cares what you have to say, it's like being Jerry the brother of Christ. That's a pretty tough gig there man. Knowing that you will NEVER fill the shoes of the real man in charge. Haley, understand that i won't be pulling any punches for you. Be prepared and be ready to bleed. This will not be for the weak at heart nor will it be for anybody who can't hack it. Your true test awaits and amongst the three of you, you're probably the only person who deserves the title shot. I didn't get ahead in life by being a gentleman. I got ahead because i wasn't willing to put up with people's bullshit or drama. I am the current Hardcore Champion which means that no matter how hard you think you bring it, it will never be enough because you can't put me away. Now i may not be the brightest bulb in the knife drawer, but i refuse to quit. What do i expect out of the three of you? Fucking bring it. Bring everything you have. Hold nothing back. That's all a real man wants in life. Hit me with your best shot, that way when i still put you all out on your asses, there will be no excuses. There will be no reason as to why you lost other than the fact that i am better than you.
