Post by Phil Atken on Jan 2, 2012 12:25:04 GMT -4
We find Phil Atken, Doctor of Destruction (a title he won last year in a poker game but could never find a use for) sitting down behind a lovely oak desk. If by lovely oak desk you imagine a worn down card table. He has his feet on the desk, such is the life of a man as busy at Phil Atken. He is also on his cell phone, just to prove how busy a man he is.
Atken: It's like I was telling you Dirk. I lost my voice.
...
Atken: No, seriously, it wasn't another bender. Those days are way in the past.
...
Atken: I know you've heard this all before. That's why it must be true. Do you think I'm dumb enough to make up the same story twice?
...
Atken: Touché.
...
Atken: Look, the cameras just showed up. Trust me, I have the entire thing under control. You do not need to show up. We do not need to go down that alleyway of despair again. Understand?
...
Atken: Love you too. BUH BYE.
Phil hangs up
Atken: Oh I'm sorry, I was in the middle of a very important business conversation about business. You see business men like myself, we are very focused on many aspects of this business. Not just the talking business or indeed the wrestling business but indeed ALL aspects of it. Well all of it apart from Donkey Punch, that shit is just bad business for all involved.
You see, I am a worldly man. A man of the world if you will and sometimes due to the intense pace of business that I upkeep, I find myself ill in one manner or another. Now in the past this may have been due to deciding on a budget companion for the evening but these days, the illnesses are all very legit. Almost too legit. Indeed, I am too legit to quit, you could say. Whatever that means.
Phil catches up to his own thought process and immediately becomes very disappointed in himself.
Atken: Now the reason I ask you fine camera fiddle faddle folk here is to make one thing very clear. I am not dead. As you can see right now, I am very much alive. I did not die at Christmas Chaos, I was even on the teevee last week. I did however, tragically lose my golden voice for a brief lil period of time, this brief loss of voiceatude meant that sadly I could not lay my metaphorical golden eggs - the Atken Podomatic. Well, let me tell you this, APW roster members and viewers. I NOW HAVE A VOICE.
I HAVE A VOICE THAT CAN YELL WORDS.
Be afraid, be very afraid because now I can say things again, I'm going to say things that hurt peoples feelings. Then they will cry AND I WILL BE VICTORIOUS.
Regardless, I may have been brought down by illness in the past few weeks, I may not have been at the top of my game. Some people may even have considered me a bit of a disappointment. Well those times are over. Those times have ceased to exist. The only thing that exists now is Atken. ATKEN I TELL YOU. And it will be the end of the world as we know it.
Or something like that.
Atken: It's like I was telling you Dirk. I lost my voice.
...
Atken: No, seriously, it wasn't another bender. Those days are way in the past.
...
Atken: I know you've heard this all before. That's why it must be true. Do you think I'm dumb enough to make up the same story twice?
...
Atken: Touché.
...
Atken: Look, the cameras just showed up. Trust me, I have the entire thing under control. You do not need to show up. We do not need to go down that alleyway of despair again. Understand?
...
Atken: Love you too. BUH BYE.
Phil hangs up
Atken: Oh I'm sorry, I was in the middle of a very important business conversation about business. You see business men like myself, we are very focused on many aspects of this business. Not just the talking business or indeed the wrestling business but indeed ALL aspects of it. Well all of it apart from Donkey Punch, that shit is just bad business for all involved.
You see, I am a worldly man. A man of the world if you will and sometimes due to the intense pace of business that I upkeep, I find myself ill in one manner or another. Now in the past this may have been due to deciding on a budget companion for the evening but these days, the illnesses are all very legit. Almost too legit. Indeed, I am too legit to quit, you could say. Whatever that means.
Phil catches up to his own thought process and immediately becomes very disappointed in himself.
Atken: Now the reason I ask you fine camera fiddle faddle folk here is to make one thing very clear. I am not dead. As you can see right now, I am very much alive. I did not die at Christmas Chaos, I was even on the teevee last week. I did however, tragically lose my golden voice for a brief lil period of time, this brief loss of voiceatude meant that sadly I could not lay my metaphorical golden eggs - the Atken Podomatic. Well, let me tell you this, APW roster members and viewers. I NOW HAVE A VOICE.
I HAVE A VOICE THAT CAN YELL WORDS.
Be afraid, be very afraid because now I can say things again, I'm going to say things that hurt peoples feelings. Then they will cry AND I WILL BE VICTORIOUS.
Regardless, I may have been brought down by illness in the past few weeks, I may not have been at the top of my game. Some people may even have considered me a bit of a disappointment. Well those times are over. Those times have ceased to exist. The only thing that exists now is Atken. ATKEN I TELL YOU. And it will be the end of the world as we know it.
Or something like that.
