Post by Phil Atken on Jan 20, 2012 3:47:01 GMT -4
We find ourselves in beautiful or not Sunrise, Florida where a sexy beast of a man is sitting in front of a table outside the arena where that thar Overdrive show is taking place. The said sexy beast is former Lord Sexypants nominee, Philip M. Atken. He is trying to rally support from the fans to support his petition before finally presenting it to President Jeff.
Atken: SAVE APW! SIGN THE PETITION TODAY!
Oh did I mention he has a bullhorn.
Atken: PRESIDENT JEFF IS DISREGARDING THE SAFETY OF HIS OWN WRESTLERS. SUPPORT APW! SUPPORT THE ATKEN PETITION!
Most people shuffle into the arena doing their best to avoid eye contact with the crazy man the petition board. Others quickly sign their name to the petition just to get out of an awkward situation, although not many.
Atken: SUPPORT THE MEGASTARS! SUPPORT THE END OF THE JEFF TYRN...
Atken somehow finds his bullhorn being pushed down, by a rather balding gentleman of short stature.
?: Phil, what the hell are you doing?
Atken: Well, my friend, I'm looking after APW's best interests.
?: When have you ever shown yourself to care about anyone else but yourself and your own agenda?
Atken: Oh Dirkypoo, that was then, this is now. I'm a reformed man. I'm a podcaster, I'm the true voice of APW, I need to protect my interests and my interests are the company.
The man standing before Atken is his former agent and recovering midget, Dirk Dickwood.
Dickwood: Look, someone tracked me down and asked me to speak a little sense to you. You know this isn't your thing, your kidding yourself if you think this little petition of yours is going to go anywhere.
Atken: Think of the health risks. These are not sane rational people that APW is inviting in. These are pure bread nutters and I'm going to put a stop to it. It is my destiny to save the APW Megastars from outside harm.
Dickwood: So you're a crusader now, is that it?
Atken: Dirk, think of APW as my investment. I've invested a lot of myself into making my voice heard in this company. That investment only pays off if the Survive and Conquer match fails to happens. The investment only pays off if I prove Jeff to be inept, to disregard his own talent for all the attention the match brings. If I'm successful in this well...
Dickwood: This is another bloody power play isn't it? Those have never ended well for you Phil. Never.
Atken: Ah. But I didn't have a podcast then.
Dickwood: My nan has a podcast. My dog has a podcast. Everyone and their mother has a bloody podcast these days. Hell APW have even outsourced your show re-caps to some deranged fan who hopes wrestler will tweet him, quite possibly so he can jerk off at the ensuing results of being the tiniest bit important.
Atken: What's a tweet?
Dickwood: Nevermind, knowing the rate you adopt, you'll find out in five or so years..
Atken: Is it some kind of bird picture depository website?
Dickwood shakes his head and breathe a heavy, weary sigh.
Dickwood: Phil, I'm asking you as a friend to drop this petition matter. I don't have a horse in this race, I'm asking you to do it to protect your own career. This is a dangerous road to tread.
Phil sits back in his chair, clicking his pen at a rapid rate. Thoughts turning and twirling in his mind.
Atken: I'll take it under advisement.
Dickwood: Your funeral.
Dickwood stalks away into the arena, knowing what Atken means when he takes things under advisement. Atken returns to his bullhorn.
Atken: PRESIDENT JEFF HAS TRIED TO SILENCE THIS PETITION! SUPPORT THE TRUTH! SUPPORT ATKEN!
Atken: SAVE APW! SIGN THE PETITION TODAY!
Oh did I mention he has a bullhorn.
Atken: PRESIDENT JEFF IS DISREGARDING THE SAFETY OF HIS OWN WRESTLERS. SUPPORT APW! SUPPORT THE ATKEN PETITION!
Most people shuffle into the arena doing their best to avoid eye contact with the crazy man the petition board. Others quickly sign their name to the petition just to get out of an awkward situation, although not many.
Atken: SUPPORT THE MEGASTARS! SUPPORT THE END OF THE JEFF TYRN...
Atken somehow finds his bullhorn being pushed down, by a rather balding gentleman of short stature.
?: Phil, what the hell are you doing?
Atken: Well, my friend, I'm looking after APW's best interests.
?: When have you ever shown yourself to care about anyone else but yourself and your own agenda?
Atken: Oh Dirkypoo, that was then, this is now. I'm a reformed man. I'm a podcaster, I'm the true voice of APW, I need to protect my interests and my interests are the company.
The man standing before Atken is his former agent and recovering midget, Dirk Dickwood.
Dickwood: Look, someone tracked me down and asked me to speak a little sense to you. You know this isn't your thing, your kidding yourself if you think this little petition of yours is going to go anywhere.
Atken: Think of the health risks. These are not sane rational people that APW is inviting in. These are pure bread nutters and I'm going to put a stop to it. It is my destiny to save the APW Megastars from outside harm.
Dickwood: So you're a crusader now, is that it?
Atken: Dirk, think of APW as my investment. I've invested a lot of myself into making my voice heard in this company. That investment only pays off if the Survive and Conquer match fails to happens. The investment only pays off if I prove Jeff to be inept, to disregard his own talent for all the attention the match brings. If I'm successful in this well...
Dickwood: This is another bloody power play isn't it? Those have never ended well for you Phil. Never.
Atken: Ah. But I didn't have a podcast then.
Dickwood: My nan has a podcast. My dog has a podcast. Everyone and their mother has a bloody podcast these days. Hell APW have even outsourced your show re-caps to some deranged fan who hopes wrestler will tweet him, quite possibly so he can jerk off at the ensuing results of being the tiniest bit important.
Atken: What's a tweet?
Dickwood: Nevermind, knowing the rate you adopt, you'll find out in five or so years..
Atken: Is it some kind of bird picture depository website?
Dickwood shakes his head and breathe a heavy, weary sigh.
Dickwood: Phil, I'm asking you as a friend to drop this petition matter. I don't have a horse in this race, I'm asking you to do it to protect your own career. This is a dangerous road to tread.
Phil sits back in his chair, clicking his pen at a rapid rate. Thoughts turning and twirling in his mind.
Atken: I'll take it under advisement.
Dickwood: Your funeral.
Dickwood stalks away into the arena, knowing what Atken means when he takes things under advisement. Atken returns to his bullhorn.
Atken: PRESIDENT JEFF HAS TRIED TO SILENCE THIS PETITION! SUPPORT THE TRUTH! SUPPORT ATKEN!
