Post by "The Real Deal" Ellis Graham on Apr 8, 2013 14:25:33 GMT -4
This season...on the all-new CBS Business Channel...Money Graham Television presents...
"I want to show people...an American success story. You know, the kind that STARTS in America..."
...the inspiring true story...
"I could've taken the easy route...but, you know, maybe I did. After all, there's been a Graham running Money Graham Funds for generations...but how many of them have entrance music for when they work? That's right. Just one. Me."
...of American social royalty, sacrificing his family legacy to follow his dreams...
"You know, people are always like 'Why'd you do it, man? Just take the office job! Run the family business' and then I'm like 'Witch, Please!' Why do people think my money dried up? Why do I NEED to be working at a hedge fund to keep the zeroes on the end of my net worth? Trust me. I didn't trade sushi and filet mignon for a damn Jumbo Jack and fried chicken. I'm still worth more than JC Bates and Teddy Martin and all the other guys. And even if they get lucky and sneak a pinfall...I'M STILL WORTH MORE!"
...and in so doing, inspiring a nation...
"Every reality show today is either about nothing, or about failure. I want the people to see this, see the heights I achieve and think, 'Man! If I had been born in a better situation, maybe I could be somebody!'"
...The CBS Business Network is proud to bring to you...
"The network motto is 'Helping You Take Care of Business'. Well that's what I do! I take care of business. You know, sometimes you can't throw money at the problem! The SEC's on your BLEEP or the Feds are sniffing around the country you have that account in, or whatever. So sometimes, you've got to do whatever it takes to keep what's yours, and I'll prove that with this: the Reality Heavyweight Championship!"
...REAL WRESTLING...starring Ellis Graham, YOUR Reality Heavyweight Champion! Check your local listings!
Introductions, am I right?
What's there to say about Ellis Graham? I mean, at the end of the day, am I really any different than anyone else on the APW's expansive roster? Let's see:
-I have more money than probably every country on this God forsaken South American tour. Every other wrestler? Probably not. I mean, maybe Eddy Harvin or Michelle O'Halihan, the World Champions do, but the rest of the curtain jerkers on Meltdown? Nah. I see way too many Taco Bell wrappers lying around the locker room to bet on them as financially secure...or healthy. God! That food is awful...so I've heard some interns say.
-I have my own television show. That already tops everyone, even President Cliff! Speaking of which, I better see those commercials next week on Meltdown or that's a breach of contract, and I sue you to I have exclusive ownership of what would then be called Ellis Graham Fighting. No "Wrestling" because, frankly, 'W' is the stupidest damn letter in the alphabet. Every other damn letter? One syllable. 'W'? Yeah, someone's always gotta be the helmet-wearing window-licker, huh?
-Oh yeah, and THIS! The Reality Heavyweight Championship. Why did I have this commissioned? It's simple. You see, I get that President Jeb wants to give everyone possible a chance to be the champion, and I get that, when you are talking about sports, no one goes undefeated. The best baseball team still loses forty times a year. So the best wrestler isn't always the guy wearing the title. I mean, let's face it: a guy from Europe is holding the North American championship. Titles aren't always where they belong. This title is one man's way of righting the wrong in advance. I carry this belt because the REALITY is that I am the champion of APW, and, really, of anywhere I want to be. So when fans see me, they see the gold, and they feel good knowing that, no matter what Diana Morrison, Jimmy Simon, or that Reggie guy from Asylum say or do, the real champion has the real title.
So yeah, other than that, I'm just like everyone else. I'm gonna tell you I'm the best, and then go out and prove it blah, blah, blah-be-ty blah.
The difference? One: I'm better, and Two: even if they won, I'm STILL BETTER because they need this job and I don't. I'm just out having fun, and what do rich guys like me do for fun? We mess with people poorer than us.
...and THAT'S...what's real!
"I want to show people...an American success story. You know, the kind that STARTS in America..."
...the inspiring true story...
"I could've taken the easy route...but, you know, maybe I did. After all, there's been a Graham running Money Graham Funds for generations...but how many of them have entrance music for when they work? That's right. Just one. Me."
...of American social royalty, sacrificing his family legacy to follow his dreams...
"You know, people are always like 'Why'd you do it, man? Just take the office job! Run the family business' and then I'm like 'Witch, Please!' Why do people think my money dried up? Why do I NEED to be working at a hedge fund to keep the zeroes on the end of my net worth? Trust me. I didn't trade sushi and filet mignon for a damn Jumbo Jack and fried chicken. I'm still worth more than JC Bates and Teddy Martin and all the other guys. And even if they get lucky and sneak a pinfall...I'M STILL WORTH MORE!"
...and in so doing, inspiring a nation...
"Every reality show today is either about nothing, or about failure. I want the people to see this, see the heights I achieve and think, 'Man! If I had been born in a better situation, maybe I could be somebody!'"
...The CBS Business Network is proud to bring to you...
"The network motto is 'Helping You Take Care of Business'. Well that's what I do! I take care of business. You know, sometimes you can't throw money at the problem! The SEC's on your BLEEP or the Feds are sniffing around the country you have that account in, or whatever. So sometimes, you've got to do whatever it takes to keep what's yours, and I'll prove that with this: the Reality Heavyweight Championship!"
...REAL WRESTLING...starring Ellis Graham, YOUR Reality Heavyweight Champion! Check your local listings!
EGEGEGEGEGEGEGEGEGEG
Introductions, am I right?
What's there to say about Ellis Graham? I mean, at the end of the day, am I really any different than anyone else on the APW's expansive roster? Let's see:
-I have more money than probably every country on this God forsaken South American tour. Every other wrestler? Probably not. I mean, maybe Eddy Harvin or Michelle O'Halihan, the World Champions do, but the rest of the curtain jerkers on Meltdown? Nah. I see way too many Taco Bell wrappers lying around the locker room to bet on them as financially secure...or healthy. God! That food is awful...so I've heard some interns say.
-I have my own television show. That already tops everyone, even President Cliff! Speaking of which, I better see those commercials next week on Meltdown or that's a breach of contract, and I sue you to I have exclusive ownership of what would then be called Ellis Graham Fighting. No "Wrestling" because, frankly, 'W' is the stupidest damn letter in the alphabet. Every other damn letter? One syllable. 'W'? Yeah, someone's always gotta be the helmet-wearing window-licker, huh?
-Oh yeah, and THIS! The Reality Heavyweight Championship. Why did I have this commissioned? It's simple. You see, I get that President Jeb wants to give everyone possible a chance to be the champion, and I get that, when you are talking about sports, no one goes undefeated. The best baseball team still loses forty times a year. So the best wrestler isn't always the guy wearing the title. I mean, let's face it: a guy from Europe is holding the North American championship. Titles aren't always where they belong. This title is one man's way of righting the wrong in advance. I carry this belt because the REALITY is that I am the champion of APW, and, really, of anywhere I want to be. So when fans see me, they see the gold, and they feel good knowing that, no matter what Diana Morrison, Jimmy Simon, or that Reggie guy from Asylum say or do, the real champion has the real title.
So yeah, other than that, I'm just like everyone else. I'm gonna tell you I'm the best, and then go out and prove it blah, blah, blah-be-ty blah.
The difference? One: I'm better, and Two: even if they won, I'm STILL BETTER because they need this job and I don't. I'm just out having fun, and what do rich guys like me do for fun? We mess with people poorer than us.
...and THAT'S...what's real!
