Post by Shadow on Apr 17, 2013 20:20:14 GMT -4
The scene opens at APW headquarters on the big logo outside the huge glass building. The focus zooms in and then fades to the top floor corner office double doors. On each door is a nameplate, the one on the left reads "CEO." The one on the right: President Jeff. This scene is not shown publically, instead this is a private Monday afternoon meeting called by President Jeff after Shadow 's comment about Overdrive's results.
"Give me one good reason why I should fire your ass right now!"
Shadow stands in Hurricane Jeff's office as the president of APW sits behind his desk wearing a nice brand new Armani suit. Jeff's face is beat red and he has a little bit of spittal flying from his lips as he berates Shadow. The big man just cocks an eyebrow from behind his sunglasses. Standing to the right is APW's Chief Vocational Paradigm Shifter (The dude who fires people).
"Do you have any idea how disrespectful that was, not just to me, or to this company but to the fans? Where is your professional maturity?! Comments like that are the reason people think this business is fake! APW Megastars bust their asses week in and week out and what you did was a slap in the face. After I signed you to APW four years ago AND giving you that Overdrive title match AND resigning you last year, how DARE YOU! I should fire you on basic principle!"
Shadow still doesn't say anything. From his right the VPS speaks up.
"Answer the ma..."
As he speaks, Shadow calmly reaches in front of him. His hands seize the chair most people sit in when President Jeff is talking to them. Shadow whips his arms and hurls the chair across President Jeff's office. It smashes into the bookshelf beside the VPS with a deafening crash. The bookshelf shudders for a moment, then the books and busts that were resting on said bookshelf collapse as the shelves breaks. Everyone gets silent as Shadow keeps his eyebrow still cocked upward from behind his shades. He looks at the VPS.
"Oh I'm sorry did I break your concentration?"
No one says anything.
"Good. Now. Jeff. You want to know why I made that comment after Overdrive?"
Shadow takes off his sunglasses and tucks them into the collar of his shirt. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. Shadow unfolds the paper and lays it down
"What's this supposed to be?"
"Read it."
"Where did you get this?"
"Some twat on twitter has been tweeting these for weeks. Every show, right before bell time. Spoiler after spoiler. I don't know how he's predicting the win but he's acting like he knows something we don't."
"How do we know it wasn't y..." The VPS begins.
"I don't remember asking you a God Damn Thing!"
Silence
"He right," President Jeff says. "How do we know you wern't responsible for these tweets?"
"Look at the time stamp on the last tweet. I was driving though Costa Rica when that thing went up and as everyone knows I still carry a flip phone, I don't have access to a wireless data plan and if you don't buy that then check with Nick Hobbs."
"Who?"
"Nicholas Hobbs is our the head of our IT cyber crimes investigations unit. He's also a Texan. Listen, Seann called me up after I got to the Estadio Nacional and told me to check my email. He sent me screen captures of these taken from Indy Warz, Indy Warz Jeff! That is one of the most prestidgeous interfed wrestling websites online today. If they get a whiff that we might be staging our shows, we lose our credibility. Jeff, I love this company I have bled for this place time and time again, I couldn't let that happen."
"Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me when I called you?"
Shadow shakes his head.
"I believe the words you used before slamming the receiver down were 'In my office now!' You didn't leave me much chance to explain. Any way would you have believed me?
"I still have trouble trusting this. It seems too convienent."
"Believe what you want Jeff, but call Nick. He'll confirm. The twitter account has been deactivated. But the guy was doing this for months. Look at the first tweet."
"Thats the day before Survive and Conquer, Jeff. This guy was good. You and I both know when that bell sounds we leave it all in the ring but this man predicted win after win and passed it off as us scripting our matches. That's as bad as someone watching another wrestler's shoot and stealing it for their own. I couldn't let it happen. So I made it a work. I put it the notion on live television to play it off, then waited for you guys to bite."
"That makes no sense."
"Evan was calling me by my real name. He was "breaking" kayfabe, so why don't I? Moreover while this was only on Indywarz for now it hadn't hit main stream like EFK, No one was fully buying him yet. I made the comment to set this company off. Your response made EFK, made Yahoo news! That's why this guy shut down his account. He was discredited when you stepped forward."
"You also almost made this twitter guy's story true." Jeff replied skeptically.
"That's why I needed you to drop the anvil."
President Jeff squints and ponders Shadow’s words like he sort of understands.
"But you confirmed everything he said,"
"No; like I said, you guy's coming out and blasting me for it on air proved him wrong, you told everyone what we do is real...publically. I had to eat the bullet for all of us. That's what I do for this company, Jeff. I put my own integrity on the line to sell that story, to protect this company. No one loves those fans out there more than me. I'd do anything for them I was not going to let some twat wearing only tighty whities locked in his parents basement spending way too much time watching us on his little 5 inch television discredit us. Hell no."
"So what now?" The VPS asks.
"What do you mean what now?" Shadow shrugs.
"I think you owe the people something, maybe an apology." President Jeff answers as he folds his hands on his desk, "And you owe me a new bookshelf."
Shadow smiles.
"That now what, I see."
President Jeff nods.
"Now, I go give the fans the show they deserve. If you'll still allow me to that is."
Shadow smiles at President Jeff while the CEO of APW contemplates his decision. The camera stays focused on him and then fades to black before he responds.
At the arena about thirty minutes before bell time, the dark matches have justed wrapped. The fans were treated to some live Luche Libre. Suddenly the Action-Tron and arena go black for a moment as the crowd goes quiet. Suddenly Cristina's voice is heard screaming:
The response is mixed. Several people are cheering but for the first time in a LONG time the crowd is booing Shadow as he walks out from backstage wearing blue jeans and his black sun "Shadow" T shirt under his long leather duster.
Harvey: Whoa! What's Shadow doing out here? We're not live yet!
Chase: I bet it's his farewell address. Word was President Jeff finally made the right decision and fired him after his comment last week.
Harvey: That's true. APW.com did say that President Jeff ordered Shadow to fly to APW headquarters this week for an evaluation. He very well could have been released. But Shadow is also a Hall of Famer. Let him explain himself before you jump to conclusions.
The big man doesn't slap hands with any fans one his way down. He is not smiling. Shadow carries a microphone in his hand. He slides under the bottom rope and into the center of the ring. After pacing a moment, Shadow raises the microphone to his lips.
Shadow: Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. Could you bring your attention to me, please? Shut up please and quit booing. I know many of you out there are pretty steamed at my comment last week on Overdrive. And I am also aware that many of you want a public apology. Don't hold your breath my friends I'm going to do you one better.
Harvey: That's odd.
Chase: What is he talking about?
Shadow: Now first I need to address a statement released by President Jeff about the fan's general consensus: "Shadow got his ass whooped." Bullshit. I know for a fact many of you out there were displeased with Evan Envi retaining the Overdrive championship, I am also aware that all of you wished to see his ass left broken and bloody in the middle of this ring. We all know Harrison's mother was on the phone with all his friends leaving President Jeff all those voicemails. Wait, no I'm wrong. Evan doesn't have friends. No Ms Harrison was just having her Johns call in to do that. What ya'll didn't know that Evan Envi's mother was a Who-Arrrr? I'm not one to sling mud around here but you know what the difference between Evan Envi's mother and a turkey is? I only had to roll my sleeve up to my elbow to stuff the turkey!
Harvey: ZING!
Chase: Ms. Harrison is a saint! How dare he!
Shadow: Alright now lets move on to what I promised ya'll. It's fan appreciation night! And I have a gift just for ya'll. But I must ask something in advance, a common sense thing. The following shoot is my treat to ya'll and I would appreciate it if you don’t film this and post it on youtube. You're wondering why, I'll tell you. You people are here live tonight. Those people out there didn’t pay to see this shit; fuck them, why should they see if for free? They get to watch me beat someone's ass tonight. This is special because it's meant for all of you who bought tickets to tonight's show.
Harvey: He certainly can't say that on television.
Shadow: Before we begin as you may be aware, this shoot contains some pretty foul language. That's another reason this isn't airing live across the world. But rather than warn you'll I plan to incriminate ya'll along side me. So please raise your right hand. That's su derecha, and repeat after me.
While holding the mic with his left hand, Shadow raises his right.
Shadow: I... hereby declare... that the following shoot... contains foul language... and adult themes... and that is is not meant for small children. I... am aware... that I may hear... words... like... poop; fart; shit; damn; Goddamn; Dammit all to hell; bitch; bitch-titties; fuck; Shit-faced cock master; Motherfucker; Donkey Raping Shit Eater; and... Delikado.
Chase: Did he really just say that!? There are children present!
Harvey: I'm sure our interpreters didn't translate every word exactly.
Chase: How's this foul mouth not fired? He should be fired for what he just said!
Shadow: We good? Alright. Before I officially begin i would like to give a response to that dumpster queef known as Michael Jennings. Son, you got something to say to me? How about I come down to Meltdown for one more night to take out the trash. I'll be more than happy to stomp your ass a new one bitch.
He smirks.
Shadow: Moving along, Delikado. Seeing as I MAY be facing you tonight we should start with you. How long has it been since we went head to head, December? Yeah that sounds about right. Look at how far you've come since we faced off. You're now a number one contender for the World Heavyweight Title. Congrat-u-freaking-lations.
-Facing you tonight will be a whole lot of fun, you want to know why? Because last time somebody screwed me out of my beautiful impending victory over your ass. Yeah, you remember who swooped in and saved you that night? Slade did. Yeah, I know all ya'll remember it, "The Main Man" planting me in the face with his foot. Well guess what fuck-knuckle there isn't anyone left to save you tonight.
-Yeah it could be just you and me, how does that make you feel? Remember the night I chased your ass all through the Overdrive locker room? Hunting you stalking you. Where are you going to go now? I can't wait to find if you're my victim this week. I may done chasing your boyfriend for a little while but I would like nothing more than to send him one final message though your broken body.
-But you may not be the person I have to face tonight. I could very well be eating leftovers in that really good idea of a battle royal. What I like most about this is two thirds of the people I COULD be facing are people I've never stepped into the ring with before.
-So ladies first, Johnny Rebel man it's been awhile. Like damn near a year since we locked up. I remember Slade sang a song about you were useless, being used by the Sindicate and that your time was coming soon. Well if you ask me, I'm look at my watch Rebel and you're a bit overdue on an ass kicking. Come one could you really see yourself facing the man you tagged with last week?
-You and Delikado facing each other? What a boring opening match, two men who will keep cheating and screwing one another over and try to underhandedly end one another’s careers... Hey great opening match idea! Did you people vote for that?
-No I should welcoming back Johnny Rebel to Overdrive. Not with words mind you, my fists. I don't like the guy, he's a douche, an old douche. Johnny, I'm going to take the second to compare you to something I don't partake of: Booze. Take your pick people, Beer? Okay Johnny Rebel can be like a German beer, seriously: huge body little head, but then again I think since we're in Columbia lets just compare him to a wine. He thinks he's gotten better with age, is robust and has a great finish, but really just is cheap, kind of yeasty and is a bit fruity, kind of like that wine Slade and I dumped out a year ago that you and Level One paid a boat load for. Welcome back to Overdrive Johnny Rebel. I've missed you!
Shadow cracks his knuckles.
Shadow: Moving right along. Amy Zing. We haven't had the opportunity to meet before. Im not the kind of guy who likes to hit a woman, but lately the bitches in APW like Aubrey J Parker and Carmen Rivera have decided to man up and they deserve for me to not hold back. Why should you be any different?
-Amy, I know you've had a rough start here on Overdrive, first Michael Lively showed you why he likes to brutalize the beauties of APW. Last week, Buckson Gooch went Deliverance on your ass. I know it's tough dear and this week isn't going to be any better.
-We'll start with a joke, honey. I can tell this joke because I doubt there are any members of the US armed forces in the crowd tonight. Anyone here know how Amy Zing is like Iwo Jima? Twenty thousand Marines went down on Iwo Jima too.
Harvey: Shadow isn't pulling any punches tonight.
Chase: The man has no filter!
Shadow: Amy I like to laugh to dear, I really do. But don't get me wrong, underneath all my assholishness and desires for violence I'm a real prick. Trust me if we end up in that battle royal tonight, you'll find out honey. Listen don't take it personal we all end up on cold streaks. Regardless of the match I end up in, mine ends tonight.
-Next up, Nathial Havok, you long haired Freddy Mercury looking freak show we need to talk. You sir have more drama in your life than an eighth grade fat chick. List Havok, do yourself a favor there's this little box they make for people like you. It's just a small box, with a hole in it that you can look into and inside this tiny little box is a little warm light. People like you who appear morbidly depressed need this box to help themselves through their rough times. So when we get back to the states do yourself a favor and get yourself one of these because you're going to need something to make yourself feel all warm and fuzzy inside after I'm done kicking your ass tonight.
-Congratulations on your "big win" last week. Legion is one tough hombre, I'm not selling him short. But it must be nice to come back after all this time and have your first match against a man who hasn't won a single match since showing up. Big man, that match must make you think you're still hot shit huh? Tonight somehow, some way you're getting a real challenge we'll see what you're made of bitch.
The Usher of Darkness takes a second to assess his next target.
Shadow: Mark Mania, where the hell have you been? It's been like two weeks since Rasslemania. What did losing your belt to Evan Envi make your ovaries drop? Last time we were supposed to be in the ring together you were tagging with Delikado, you sat your ass on the outside of the ring refusing to participate because you hated your partner.
-Now I am the guy that people don't like tagging with, namely because I've been called an untrustworthy tag partner. But Goddamn it all to hell you son of a bitch you ruined what could have been a damn good match. Azrael and I were ACTUALLY working together and you just sat out there because you didn't like your tag partner. Boo-freaking-Hoo.
-No wonder you lost the belt to Envi, and no wonder he claims to have slaughtered your ass, you haven't shown your face in public since. What a disgrace. I Totally Recall you being marvelous Mark Mania, the CEO of your own company, the power suit wearing ladies man who is one of the brightest Megastars APW has to offer. Boy was I wrong about you.
-You piss me off Mark, for a lot of reasons but the number one reason I really don't like you Mark is because you don't appreciate the fans. What kind of underhanded bullshit were you trying to pull before Rasslemania? How dare you, and you think people should respect you, that they should cheer for you? Mark, you don't deserve to face Level One, you he deserves a challenge this week, not some washed up never was who wishes he'd won at Rasslemania.
-Buck, buddy boy. Dude, I'm really for what sorry if I insult you tonight. But I want to say this regardless: You sir are two tons of fun. I'm sorry I didn't live up to my word last week. Because I like you Gooch. We did that autograph session together, you bought me a second dinner, introduced me to that weird Dr.Pepper Peanut combination. Still not my thing but thanks anyway. Buck I hope you're the one picked to face Level One.
-Let me tell you why, Gooch. You deserve it. Out of all the other possible combinations in that match, you have earned the opportunity to face a former True Expert. Level One is notorious; he's by far the top tier Megastar in APW, the head of the Sindicate, former Undisputed Champion and a royal pain in the rear.
-I'm sorry to hear about your tag title match Monday night. But you deserve better, you deserve the Overdrive Championship. Beating Level One this week will make the statement to Evan Envi that he is next on your list. Because I am pulling for you. Nothing would please these people more than to see you lay out Level One.
-Buck, you are without a doubt the most talented Megastar to come out of Meltdown. Your rise to Overdrive was well deserved and you future here is extremely bright. In the event that you don't get picked to face Level One and we get thrown into that battle royal lets do something for the fans together. What we'll do is eliminate everyone else and then when it's just you and I we will throw down in a Southern Style slugfest that will rattle Bogota to the bone. Buck no one appreciates the fans more than you and I and regardless of what happens my friend, lets show South America some Southern Hospitality!
Harvey: Shadow showing some measure of respect for his on again off again tag partner.
Chase: They've tagged twice and both times they were on the losing team.
Shadow The last and the person I know the least about, Dan White. Dan you confuse me. You’re a black British guy who calls himself the Welsh Dragon: I haven’t seen that much ethnical uncertainty since the Racial Draft on the Chappelle Show. Now Dan, I got to ask you something. What were you thinking last week? I never credited Smith with an overabundance of brains but why didn’t you pull out a weapon during the Xtreme title match? Seriously?! It was a no holds barred match and while I admire your tenacity to take down Smith without the use of a weapon, have you ever considered how the match might have turned out had you went all out?
-Dan, you’re new to APW. And while the fans like you and I don’t want to talk too much trash about you; how the hell did you jump straight to Overdrive? Listen Dan, you’re a swell guy and I’m sure you have a lot of heart, but you cutting others in line is just “weak.” It’s not cool and that might be why you lost to AC Smith last week, because you’re not ready for the big time. If you get pitted against me in the Battle Royal tonight we will certainly find out.
-Now... I swear that this last little bit is not directed at you personally; even though I am from Texas and your skin pigment is a photo negative of the rest of us tonight, but Dan I want you to take a long look at this.
Shadow reaches into his coat and pulls out a noose, a real one with thirteen loops and everything.
Harvey: WHOA!
Chase: Someone stopped that bigot!
Shadow: Stop, stop I know what you're thinking. I've only made one, in case I face Delikado tonight. This one is meant for him. Because while Duvall may think that Delikado is a wrestler worthy of facing Michael Callahan at Mayhem I think he just deserves to be strung from the tallest tree in Colombia. You see Delikado still fashions himself a wrestler, he isn't unless they made dodging a coat hanger an Olympic Sport and didn't tell me. No this noose is for Delikado. Now if I'm not wrestling him tonight and I am in the Battle Royal I'll make four more to go with it. Because I want all of you to put on the rope, and admit that you knew this day was coming. You can say your prayers to whomever but in the end you're part of my big ass body count.
-For the fans tonight, I am reintroducing a little anarchy to APW. Ya'll want to see that I know you do. People like those pricks in the Sindicate, they want to control everything they need to rule the world. Not on my watch. No I will stand against them. If Callahan needs someone to watch his back, I'm there. It's time to bring down the Sindicate, it's time to give APW back to the fans! It's time to let ANARCHY REIGN!
"Give me one good reason why I should fire your ass right now!"
Shadow stands in Hurricane Jeff's office as the president of APW sits behind his desk wearing a nice brand new Armani suit. Jeff's face is beat red and he has a little bit of spittal flying from his lips as he berates Shadow. The big man just cocks an eyebrow from behind his sunglasses. Standing to the right is APW's Chief Vocational Paradigm Shifter (The dude who fires people).
"Do you have any idea how disrespectful that was, not just to me, or to this company but to the fans? Where is your professional maturity?! Comments like that are the reason people think this business is fake! APW Megastars bust their asses week in and week out and what you did was a slap in the face. After I signed you to APW four years ago AND giving you that Overdrive title match AND resigning you last year, how DARE YOU! I should fire you on basic principle!"
Shadow still doesn't say anything. From his right the VPS speaks up.
"Answer the ma..."
As he speaks, Shadow calmly reaches in front of him. His hands seize the chair most people sit in when President Jeff is talking to them. Shadow whips his arms and hurls the chair across President Jeff's office. It smashes into the bookshelf beside the VPS with a deafening crash. The bookshelf shudders for a moment, then the books and busts that were resting on said bookshelf collapse as the shelves breaks. Everyone gets silent as Shadow keeps his eyebrow still cocked upward from behind his shades. He looks at the VPS.
"Oh I'm sorry did I break your concentration?"
No one says anything.
"Good. Now. Jeff. You want to know why I made that comment after Overdrive?"
Shadow takes off his sunglasses and tucks them into the collar of his shirt. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. Shadow unfolds the paper and lays it down
"What's this supposed to be?"
"Read it."
APWSUPAKING 24-Mar
@iwz. Mark Mania to drop Overdrive Title to Envi, #Boring!
APWSUPAKING 4-APR
@iwz. Place your bets. Welshman to face Smith on the 11th!
APWSUPAKING 11-APR
@iwz. Confirmed Envi versus Gooch at Mayhem #YAWN
@iwz. Mark Mania to drop Overdrive Title to Envi, #Boring!
APWSUPAKING 4-APR
@iwz. Place your bets. Welshman to face Smith on the 11th!
APWSUPAKING 11-APR
@iwz. Confirmed Envi versus Gooch at Mayhem #YAWN
"Where did you get this?"
"Some twat on twitter has been tweeting these for weeks. Every show, right before bell time. Spoiler after spoiler. I don't know how he's predicting the win but he's acting like he knows something we don't."
"How do we know it wasn't y..." The VPS begins.
"I don't remember asking you a God Damn Thing!"
Silence
"He right," President Jeff says. "How do we know you wern't responsible for these tweets?"
"Look at the time stamp on the last tweet. I was driving though Costa Rica when that thing went up and as everyone knows I still carry a flip phone, I don't have access to a wireless data plan and if you don't buy that then check with Nick Hobbs."
"Who?"
"Nicholas Hobbs is our the head of our IT cyber crimes investigations unit. He's also a Texan. Listen, Seann called me up after I got to the Estadio Nacional and told me to check my email. He sent me screen captures of these taken from Indy Warz, Indy Warz Jeff! That is one of the most prestidgeous interfed wrestling websites online today. If they get a whiff that we might be staging our shows, we lose our credibility. Jeff, I love this company I have bled for this place time and time again, I couldn't let that happen."
"Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me when I called you?"
Shadow shakes his head.
"I believe the words you used before slamming the receiver down were 'In my office now!' You didn't leave me much chance to explain. Any way would you have believed me?
"I still have trouble trusting this. It seems too convienent."
"Believe what you want Jeff, but call Nick. He'll confirm. The twitter account has been deactivated. But the guy was doing this for months. Look at the first tweet."
APWSUPAKING 26-Jan
@iwz. Guess What? Showtime to pull Perfect Year. Terry Marvin to win S & C. #Big Surprise!
@iwz. Guess What? Showtime to pull Perfect Year. Terry Marvin to win S & C. #Big Surprise!
"Thats the day before Survive and Conquer, Jeff. This guy was good. You and I both know when that bell sounds we leave it all in the ring but this man predicted win after win and passed it off as us scripting our matches. That's as bad as someone watching another wrestler's shoot and stealing it for their own. I couldn't let it happen. So I made it a work. I put it the notion on live television to play it off, then waited for you guys to bite."
"That makes no sense."
"Evan was calling me by my real name. He was "breaking" kayfabe, so why don't I? Moreover while this was only on Indywarz for now it hadn't hit main stream like EFK, No one was fully buying him yet. I made the comment to set this company off. Your response made EFK, made Yahoo news! That's why this guy shut down his account. He was discredited when you stepped forward."
"You also almost made this twitter guy's story true." Jeff replied skeptically.
"That's why I needed you to drop the anvil."
President Jeff squints and ponders Shadow’s words like he sort of understands.
"But you confirmed everything he said,"
"No; like I said, you guy's coming out and blasting me for it on air proved him wrong, you told everyone what we do is real...publically. I had to eat the bullet for all of us. That's what I do for this company, Jeff. I put my own integrity on the line to sell that story, to protect this company. No one loves those fans out there more than me. I'd do anything for them I was not going to let some twat wearing only tighty whities locked in his parents basement spending way too much time watching us on his little 5 inch television discredit us. Hell no."
"So what now?" The VPS asks.
"What do you mean what now?" Shadow shrugs.
"I think you owe the people something, maybe an apology." President Jeff answers as he folds his hands on his desk, "And you owe me a new bookshelf."
Shadow smiles.
"That now what, I see."
President Jeff nods.
"Now, I go give the fans the show they deserve. If you'll still allow me to that is."
Shadow smiles at President Jeff while the CEO of APW contemplates his decision. The camera stays focused on him and then fades to black before he responds.
At the arena about thirty minutes before bell time, the dark matches have justed wrapped. The fans were treated to some live Luche Libre. Suddenly the Action-Tron and arena go black for a moment as the crowd goes quiet. Suddenly Cristina's voice is heard screaming:
[shadow=purple,right,1200]"I Awake from Madness, One More Time!"[/shadow]
The response is mixed. Several people are cheering but for the first time in a LONG time the crowd is booing Shadow as he walks out from backstage wearing blue jeans and his black sun "Shadow" T shirt under his long leather duster.
Harvey: Whoa! What's Shadow doing out here? We're not live yet!
Chase: I bet it's his farewell address. Word was President Jeff finally made the right decision and fired him after his comment last week.
Harvey: That's true. APW.com did say that President Jeff ordered Shadow to fly to APW headquarters this week for an evaluation. He very well could have been released. But Shadow is also a Hall of Famer. Let him explain himself before you jump to conclusions.
The big man doesn't slap hands with any fans one his way down. He is not smiling. Shadow carries a microphone in his hand. He slides under the bottom rope and into the center of the ring. After pacing a moment, Shadow raises the microphone to his lips.
Shadow: Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. Could you bring your attention to me, please? Shut up please and quit booing. I know many of you out there are pretty steamed at my comment last week on Overdrive. And I am also aware that many of you want a public apology. Don't hold your breath my friends I'm going to do you one better.
Harvey: That's odd.
Chase: What is he talking about?
Shadow: Now first I need to address a statement released by President Jeff about the fan's general consensus: "Shadow got his ass whooped." Bullshit. I know for a fact many of you out there were displeased with Evan Envi retaining the Overdrive championship, I am also aware that all of you wished to see his ass left broken and bloody in the middle of this ring. We all know Harrison's mother was on the phone with all his friends leaving President Jeff all those voicemails. Wait, no I'm wrong. Evan doesn't have friends. No Ms Harrison was just having her Johns call in to do that. What ya'll didn't know that Evan Envi's mother was a Who-Arrrr? I'm not one to sling mud around here but you know what the difference between Evan Envi's mother and a turkey is? I only had to roll my sleeve up to my elbow to stuff the turkey!
Harvey: ZING!
Chase: Ms. Harrison is a saint! How dare he!
Shadow: Alright now lets move on to what I promised ya'll. It's fan appreciation night! And I have a gift just for ya'll. But I must ask something in advance, a common sense thing. The following shoot is my treat to ya'll and I would appreciate it if you don’t film this and post it on youtube. You're wondering why, I'll tell you. You people are here live tonight. Those people out there didn’t pay to see this shit; fuck them, why should they see if for free? They get to watch me beat someone's ass tonight. This is special because it's meant for all of you who bought tickets to tonight's show.
Harvey: He certainly can't say that on television.
Shadow: Before we begin as you may be aware, this shoot contains some pretty foul language. That's another reason this isn't airing live across the world. But rather than warn you'll I plan to incriminate ya'll along side me. So please raise your right hand. That's su derecha, and repeat after me.
While holding the mic with his left hand, Shadow raises his right.
Shadow: I... hereby declare... that the following shoot... contains foul language... and adult themes... and that is is not meant for small children. I... am aware... that I may hear... words... like... poop; fart; shit; damn; Goddamn; Dammit all to hell; bitch; bitch-titties; fuck; Shit-faced cock master; Motherfucker; Donkey Raping Shit Eater; and... Delikado.
Chase: Did he really just say that!? There are children present!
Harvey: I'm sure our interpreters didn't translate every word exactly.
Chase: How's this foul mouth not fired? He should be fired for what he just said!
Shadow: We good? Alright. Before I officially begin i would like to give a response to that dumpster queef known as Michael Jennings. Son, you got something to say to me? How about I come down to Meltdown for one more night to take out the trash. I'll be more than happy to stomp your ass a new one bitch.
He smirks.
Shadow: Moving along, Delikado. Seeing as I MAY be facing you tonight we should start with you. How long has it been since we went head to head, December? Yeah that sounds about right. Look at how far you've come since we faced off. You're now a number one contender for the World Heavyweight Title. Congrat-u-freaking-lations.
-Facing you tonight will be a whole lot of fun, you want to know why? Because last time somebody screwed me out of my beautiful impending victory over your ass. Yeah, you remember who swooped in and saved you that night? Slade did. Yeah, I know all ya'll remember it, "The Main Man" planting me in the face with his foot. Well guess what fuck-knuckle there isn't anyone left to save you tonight.
-Yeah it could be just you and me, how does that make you feel? Remember the night I chased your ass all through the Overdrive locker room? Hunting you stalking you. Where are you going to go now? I can't wait to find if you're my victim this week. I may done chasing your boyfriend for a little while but I would like nothing more than to send him one final message though your broken body.
-But you may not be the person I have to face tonight. I could very well be eating leftovers in that really good idea of a battle royal. What I like most about this is two thirds of the people I COULD be facing are people I've never stepped into the ring with before.
-So ladies first, Johnny Rebel man it's been awhile. Like damn near a year since we locked up. I remember Slade sang a song about you were useless, being used by the Sindicate and that your time was coming soon. Well if you ask me, I'm look at my watch Rebel and you're a bit overdue on an ass kicking. Come one could you really see yourself facing the man you tagged with last week?
-You and Delikado facing each other? What a boring opening match, two men who will keep cheating and screwing one another over and try to underhandedly end one another’s careers... Hey great opening match idea! Did you people vote for that?
-No I should welcoming back Johnny Rebel to Overdrive. Not with words mind you, my fists. I don't like the guy, he's a douche, an old douche. Johnny, I'm going to take the second to compare you to something I don't partake of: Booze. Take your pick people, Beer? Okay Johnny Rebel can be like a German beer, seriously: huge body little head, but then again I think since we're in Columbia lets just compare him to a wine. He thinks he's gotten better with age, is robust and has a great finish, but really just is cheap, kind of yeasty and is a bit fruity, kind of like that wine Slade and I dumped out a year ago that you and Level One paid a boat load for. Welcome back to Overdrive Johnny Rebel. I've missed you!
Shadow cracks his knuckles.
Shadow: Moving right along. Amy Zing. We haven't had the opportunity to meet before. Im not the kind of guy who likes to hit a woman, but lately the bitches in APW like Aubrey J Parker and Carmen Rivera have decided to man up and they deserve for me to not hold back. Why should you be any different?
-Amy, I know you've had a rough start here on Overdrive, first Michael Lively showed you why he likes to brutalize the beauties of APW. Last week, Buckson Gooch went Deliverance on your ass. I know it's tough dear and this week isn't going to be any better.
-We'll start with a joke, honey. I can tell this joke because I doubt there are any members of the US armed forces in the crowd tonight. Anyone here know how Amy Zing is like Iwo Jima? Twenty thousand Marines went down on Iwo Jima too.
Harvey: Shadow isn't pulling any punches tonight.
Chase: The man has no filter!
Shadow: Amy I like to laugh to dear, I really do. But don't get me wrong, underneath all my assholishness and desires for violence I'm a real prick. Trust me if we end up in that battle royal tonight, you'll find out honey. Listen don't take it personal we all end up on cold streaks. Regardless of the match I end up in, mine ends tonight.
-Next up, Nathial Havok, you long haired Freddy Mercury looking freak show we need to talk. You sir have more drama in your life than an eighth grade fat chick. List Havok, do yourself a favor there's this little box they make for people like you. It's just a small box, with a hole in it that you can look into and inside this tiny little box is a little warm light. People like you who appear morbidly depressed need this box to help themselves through their rough times. So when we get back to the states do yourself a favor and get yourself one of these because you're going to need something to make yourself feel all warm and fuzzy inside after I'm done kicking your ass tonight.
-Congratulations on your "big win" last week. Legion is one tough hombre, I'm not selling him short. But it must be nice to come back after all this time and have your first match against a man who hasn't won a single match since showing up. Big man, that match must make you think you're still hot shit huh? Tonight somehow, some way you're getting a real challenge we'll see what you're made of bitch.
The Usher of Darkness takes a second to assess his next target.
Shadow: Mark Mania, where the hell have you been? It's been like two weeks since Rasslemania. What did losing your belt to Evan Envi make your ovaries drop? Last time we were supposed to be in the ring together you were tagging with Delikado, you sat your ass on the outside of the ring refusing to participate because you hated your partner.
-Now I am the guy that people don't like tagging with, namely because I've been called an untrustworthy tag partner. But Goddamn it all to hell you son of a bitch you ruined what could have been a damn good match. Azrael and I were ACTUALLY working together and you just sat out there because you didn't like your tag partner. Boo-freaking-Hoo.
-No wonder you lost the belt to Envi, and no wonder he claims to have slaughtered your ass, you haven't shown your face in public since. What a disgrace. I Totally Recall you being marvelous Mark Mania, the CEO of your own company, the power suit wearing ladies man who is one of the brightest Megastars APW has to offer. Boy was I wrong about you.
-You piss me off Mark, for a lot of reasons but the number one reason I really don't like you Mark is because you don't appreciate the fans. What kind of underhanded bullshit were you trying to pull before Rasslemania? How dare you, and you think people should respect you, that they should cheer for you? Mark, you don't deserve to face Level One, you he deserves a challenge this week, not some washed up never was who wishes he'd won at Rasslemania.
-Buck, buddy boy. Dude, I'm really for what sorry if I insult you tonight. But I want to say this regardless: You sir are two tons of fun. I'm sorry I didn't live up to my word last week. Because I like you Gooch. We did that autograph session together, you bought me a second dinner, introduced me to that weird Dr.Pepper Peanut combination. Still not my thing but thanks anyway. Buck I hope you're the one picked to face Level One.
-Let me tell you why, Gooch. You deserve it. Out of all the other possible combinations in that match, you have earned the opportunity to face a former True Expert. Level One is notorious; he's by far the top tier Megastar in APW, the head of the Sindicate, former Undisputed Champion and a royal pain in the rear.
-I'm sorry to hear about your tag title match Monday night. But you deserve better, you deserve the Overdrive Championship. Beating Level One this week will make the statement to Evan Envi that he is next on your list. Because I am pulling for you. Nothing would please these people more than to see you lay out Level One.
-Buck, you are without a doubt the most talented Megastar to come out of Meltdown. Your rise to Overdrive was well deserved and you future here is extremely bright. In the event that you don't get picked to face Level One and we get thrown into that battle royal lets do something for the fans together. What we'll do is eliminate everyone else and then when it's just you and I we will throw down in a Southern Style slugfest that will rattle Bogota to the bone. Buck no one appreciates the fans more than you and I and regardless of what happens my friend, lets show South America some Southern Hospitality!
Harvey: Shadow showing some measure of respect for his on again off again tag partner.
Chase: They've tagged twice and both times they were on the losing team.
Shadow The last and the person I know the least about, Dan White. Dan you confuse me. You’re a black British guy who calls himself the Welsh Dragon: I haven’t seen that much ethnical uncertainty since the Racial Draft on the Chappelle Show. Now Dan, I got to ask you something. What were you thinking last week? I never credited Smith with an overabundance of brains but why didn’t you pull out a weapon during the Xtreme title match? Seriously?! It was a no holds barred match and while I admire your tenacity to take down Smith without the use of a weapon, have you ever considered how the match might have turned out had you went all out?
-Dan, you’re new to APW. And while the fans like you and I don’t want to talk too much trash about you; how the hell did you jump straight to Overdrive? Listen Dan, you’re a swell guy and I’m sure you have a lot of heart, but you cutting others in line is just “weak.” It’s not cool and that might be why you lost to AC Smith last week, because you’re not ready for the big time. If you get pitted against me in the Battle Royal tonight we will certainly find out.
-Now... I swear that this last little bit is not directed at you personally; even though I am from Texas and your skin pigment is a photo negative of the rest of us tonight, but Dan I want you to take a long look at this.
Shadow reaches into his coat and pulls out a noose, a real one with thirteen loops and everything.
Harvey: WHOA!
Chase: Someone stopped that bigot!
Shadow: Stop, stop I know what you're thinking. I've only made one, in case I face Delikado tonight. This one is meant for him. Because while Duvall may think that Delikado is a wrestler worthy of facing Michael Callahan at Mayhem I think he just deserves to be strung from the tallest tree in Colombia. You see Delikado still fashions himself a wrestler, he isn't unless they made dodging a coat hanger an Olympic Sport and didn't tell me. No this noose is for Delikado. Now if I'm not wrestling him tonight and I am in the Battle Royal I'll make four more to go with it. Because I want all of you to put on the rope, and admit that you knew this day was coming. You can say your prayers to whomever but in the end you're part of my big ass body count.
-For the fans tonight, I am reintroducing a little anarchy to APW. Ya'll want to see that I know you do. People like those pricks in the Sindicate, they want to control everything they need to rule the world. Not on my watch. No I will stand against them. If Callahan needs someone to watch his back, I'm there. It's time to bring down the Sindicate, it's time to give APW back to the fans! It's time to let ANARCHY REIGN!
