TTSoTWD: Claiming Tribute & Starting A Fight

[Delikado]

Some-Kinda-Something-Productions presents
A Delikado Remake

The True Story of Total World Domination
A Cuban Warrior's Tale of Madness and Shenanigans

- Part I -
Claiming Tribute & Starting A Fight

Las Vegas[/u]

The scene fades in to a man sitting at a piano inside a mediocre-looking casino. He’s playing a few notes, merely testing the instrument. A voice echoes…

Hannah Storm: I hope it plays better before opening night, Kip.

The man playing, Kip, looks up from his piano playing as the APW interviewer enters the scene with a friend.

Kip: Heeeeey, Hannah.

Kip stands up slowly off the seat as Storm and her friend stop a few feet away. He looks toward the old piano and exhales.

Kip: Yeah, here’s hoping. This place desperately needs a new spin. I miss the mob days like in “Casino”.

Hannah: Well have you thought about giving any thought to my interview offer? The APW’s got connections, Kip. Terry Marvin and so on, we can make you famous, especially in this town.

Kip: Ehhhhh….maybe…

Kip’s hesitance makes it clear he wants nothing to do with Terry Marvin, or any of the other “fame-makers” in APW. Hannah cocks an eyebrow of surprise.

Hannah: Huh. This guy, am I right?

Hannah glances at her assistant, a tall black camera-man with muscles practically ripping through his shirt and tattoos.

Hannah: “Maybe?” If I were in charge of a place like this, and some chick comes in with powerful friends in the greatest wrestling company of today, offering me a chance to get exposure the likes of which you’ve never seen, my answer would be an immediate, “Yes, please!”

Brawn: The lady’s right. Rising star in the journalist scene, she knows shit, Kipster. Best get on that gravy train while it’s hot.

Their pressing for an interview drives Kip to examine his modest casino’s surroundings and sigh.

Kip: Ahhhh…All right, set me up with an interview.

Hannah: I knew I could sweet-talk you. We’ll start once I get my equipment. You can spruce up in something flashier while that’s happening.

The camera then focuses on a door as it opens. A young, unknown man holds open the door, while Delikado walks in first, carrying what looks like a case for a musical instrument. Hannah glances over her shoulder at the Cuban and his entourage as they enter.

Hannah: Hey there, Deli. It’s been a while. Guess the last time was when we…you know…Anyway, what’ve you been up to?

Delikado proceeds to set his case on a bar next to them and begins unlocking it. At his side is the still unknown-young man, of a similar complexion and build to the Cuban; and Cardinal Sniper, Delikado’s personal announcer and moderate henchman. Both men stand silent as Delikado pulls out a trumpet from the case and holds it up to Hannah, smiling lightly.

Delikado: Oh, Delikado’s just been practicing his music. Would you like to hear a song he’s been working on?

Hannah: Well…sure. Why not?

Delikado begins to play on the trumpet as Cardinal Sniper and the mysterious youth idly pace around. The song is surprisingly beautiful, especially if you never expected Delikado to have musical talent. And yet, as the music builds, Delikado suddenly thrusts forward and jams the trumpet’s bell into Hannah’s eye, knocking her right to the floor! Before Brawn can react, he is put in a chokehold by the young man Deli brought with him, while Cardinal Sniper holds him at lead pipe-point with a weapon he slipped from his cardinal robes. Hannah, meanwhile, grovels on the floor as she holds a hand to her eye.

Hannah: Oh my GOD, you bashed me in the eye!

Delikado: Yeah, Delikado can’t quite seem to finish the song without doing that…

The Cuban lowers the trumpet/weapon as Brawn is held down. Kip the casino owner walks in and is immediately dumbstruck by what he sees.

Kip: Hey, what are you doing?!

Delikado: Yo mama. Shut up!

The young silent man grabs and breaks a beer bottle, holding it up threateningly to Kip as he simultaneously applies his foot to Brawn’s throat as a means of restraining him. The Cuban now turns to Hannah as Cardinal Sniper jerks her up off the floor. The interviewer, still stunned from the trumpet to the eyeball, puts up little resistance at first.

Cardinal Sniper: Sinful broad! Three times this week The League has called on you for an interview, and yet your response is to ignore their calls and instead arrange one with The New Sindicate?! Talking out and about with The Red Scorpion as well, maybe?! HARLOT!

Sniper maintains the hold on Hannah as she begins to struggle. Meanwhile Delikado loosens some curtains from a window.

Delikado: Tie her up to that pillar there.

As Hannah is dragged toward a nearby pillar in the middle of the room, she jerks about to no avail. She is slammed into the platform and Cardinal Sniper takes the curtains and begins to tie her to it. Hannah tries pleading her case pitifully.

Hannah: No! No! Stop! The New Sindicate just came to me FIRST for an interview! I couldn’t turn them down, Miss Harrison said! And that Red Scorpion’s just an idiot! I wasn’t talking to him, he was harassing me! Come on, I treat you all equally, Deli! The League AND The New Sindicate!

Delikado: Well that right there’s the problem.

Deli tilts the trumpet at an angle, and suddenly a baseball bat slides from the trumpet’s bell into the Cuban’s hands. He tosses the instrument aside and turns to Storm, smiling with bad intentions. This sends the interviewer further into her nervous spiral.

Hannah: Listen, I…I…crap…okay, you got me, you’re right and I’m sorry I’ve been ducking you and Evan all week. I’ll cancel all my other stuff this week and give you guys, like, THE scoop of the century, okay? I can get you anything! I know all sorts of Sindicate secrets, their weaknesses!

Delikado: Sorry, sweetums, but The League is too honorable to use insider trading.

Hannah: Okay…Okay, then I’ll…I’ll be your little whore! Make you FEEL good! You *all* can “handicap match” the crap out of me if you want! Whatever you like!

Delikado stops in his tracks, lifting an eyebrow at the statement.

Delikado: Dude…

Delikado looks about in consideration. He leans down toward Brawn the assistant under the nameless kid’s foot.

Delikado: Whatchu think? Should Deli and the gang jump on that?

Brawn: *choking sounds*

Having a foot pressed to his throat makes it hard to speak, but Delikado takes this as an answer nonetheless.

Delikado: You’re right. It’s disgusting and an embrace of the immorality that’s going on in this company lately. Hell we all know “interview with Hannah Storm” means “tornado-like damage to the vadge” for the common APW populace. Buncha sick, evil bastards. Hell the Sindicates themselves probably put those words in her mouth, right after they put their di…well…you know. Anyway, thanks for the advice, bro.

Brawn: *choking sounds*

Hannah’s head is restrained as Delikado makes practice swings.

Delikado: Hold that face in place. Delikado will send those “Sindicate Vanilla” fools a response to their defiance of goodness. And then it’s on to Meltdown where the message is elevated TENFOLD!

Kip: Please, sir. Whatever you intend….take it outside my casino!

Delikado: Chillax. This baseball bat has splintered firm trees into toothpicks without a PEEP under the Cuban Warrior Pope’s guidance…and neither shall the brains of this broad spray loudly and messily upon your floors with similar leadership!

Hannah: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Delikado: Put a sock in it!

Cardinal Sniper rips one of Hannah’s pantyhose off and shoves them in her mouth, muffling her cries, as Delikado hoists the bat up menacingly and approaches.

Delikado: You’re a bigger saint in the ‘Save the World’ program than you realize, you dumb bimbo! Bye byyyyyyyyyyyyye!

Delikado swings the bat at Hannah Storm’s head—

*SQUEAK!*

The baseball bat jiggles like Jell-O in Delikado’s hands, as the rubber SQUEAK echoes throughout the empty casino. Storm whimpers as the rubber baseball bat bounces harmlessly off her head. Everyone in the room seems to be caught off guard by this twist in the plot, though Delikado does smile a big grin of amusement.

Delikado: Huh, well check that shit out. Delikado must’ve not been paying attention when he grabbed a bat out of the office. Guess that’s what happens when you put “Fake Rubber Baseball Bats” on the shelf next to the “Real Baseball Bats”. It really was about a 50/50 chance here if you think about it…

The Cuban promptly squeezes the rubber bat until it pops and he tosses it over his shoulder. He now comes within a few inches of Hannah’s face, still smiling but speaking with a rather dangerous tone.

Delikado: But if Delikado has to do this again, there’s only going to be a 100% chance he grabs a REAL baseball bat. You do your work for the goodness of The League now, Hannah. Not The Sindicate, not the NEW Sindicate, not Natural Baby Killarz of whatever the fuck, but the REAL wrestlers of APW.

Delikado kisses his fingers and presses them to Hannah’s nose before turning to his friends.

Delikado: Let’s roll. Evan and the guys’ve been waiting at the bar thirty minutes now.

His work done, Delikado and his gang exit the casino and leave Storm and the others to collect themselves in silence. Whether the rest of the APW realizes it or not, the first shots in the War for APW have been fired…

(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)

Does the scourge of the wrestling world, the Sindicate and all her remixes, think if The League was REAL in its pursuit of its mission of saving the world, that some wannabe crazy WHORE and her lecherous old man of a “guider” or whatever the fuck, in addition to their masked boy sidekick, could keep us from achieving our aims?!

This is no precaution by Sienna Harrison, and it is no coincidence that The League, a force of good and rejuvenation, is already set to engage in battle with the venoms of wicked scum, The New Sindicate. This Meltdown Six-Person Tag in Las Vegas cannot, will not, does not, shall not stop forward progress, and out of respect for everyone involved, Delikado’s hot blood on the matter shall be ‘splained in fucking FULL—don’t ever dare disrespect the Cuban and then come to him with your “The Sindicate rules and you’ll like it” talk. Teams such as this one don’t seem to know if they’re standing or lying down dead when the great rain wipes their slates clean—they are THAT fucking marred in the senses by poison. It’s a cute bubble they float in, all these Sindicates, and it’s made them think they’re invincible for too fucking long. Well…bubbles are for babies, and in Delikado’s world you either grow up and get on my in…CREDIBLE level…or you DIE! FACT!

You gotta know them by now, my friends. They’re called Logan Alexander and Aubrey J. Parker. Some know them better by their “oh-so-original in wrestling” tag name as M&M. With them comes a sideshow with false idols in-hand and even worse potential in body, The Red Scorpion, but Delikado declares his fight less with THIS fool than THOSE fools!

We knew that every snake would slither from the grass, that the nest of gutless WORMS would emerge out of the muck they have inhabited for so long. After all we are the rain that summons all things to the surface. Those we fight now, desperate recruits in a civil war that is nothing short of a perfect example of greed and why the good people of REAL wrestling need the League to save their world, are ones who approached us last week on Meltdown and they have done nothing to deserve the combined strength of EnviKado. Aubrey is but a she-devil, a TWAT who plays the crazy card, when we AAAAAAAAALLLLLL know women be crazy! Hell, Amy Zing is crazier than this dumb slut, and you all saw what happened to her! You saw what happened to Biggs! And grey hair Hugh Hefner robed Logan Alexander is supposed to be “TOUGHER”?

Oooooh, excuse Delikado while he quivers with feeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaarrrrr……

Okay, I’m done. Because those three seconds of quivering Delikado DOESN’T spend on Logan Alexander are being focused elsewhere…namely on the three seconds of WINNING Delikado’s going to do in the Vegas Six-Man Tag Match when he pins Logan before the eyes of the world and delivers a further kick to this New Sindicate that may as well have already thrown up the white flag and emitted its death rattle when it recruited these two self-blinded idiots and sent them out as pointmen in the fight that The League is about to take to their front door.

Oh? You say you never truly intended to fight us personally, but were merely consolidating your power, little Sindy cats? Well tough cookies and milk, because by being who you are—WHAT you are—you two have invoked our wrath. Perhaps the Red Scorpion is your human shield, to save yourselves in the event a route is necessary, and should he be…then you’re better off asking the referee to protect you, because Delikado puts scorpion soup on his cereal for breakfast in the morning, and he sips that shit til it’s GONE! And right now, little Reddy is looking miiiiightyyy chewy and delectable. Evan might not be down for it, and our temporary associate Emerald Assassin might be too much of a “hero” for it, but Delikado has no qualms with biting that Scorpion’s head off and wiping his ass with this “Revolution Championship” he flaunts about. Seriously, Delikado’s straight up homegrown Cuban who bathes in poison sea urchins back home.

Let’s face it. When the going gets tougher for The New Sindicate, you two will be left with nowhere to go but DOWN when Terry finally sees how valueless you really are. Because much like Level-One whom he fights, Marvin’s someone who’ll only save himself.

Delikado knows…because he’s been there.

The League, however, is willing to give its own existence if necessary to bring the wrestling world back to a pristine nature. Truth be told, if one of Delikado’s other League brothers were behind this camera now, they might offer you two a chance to join us, to save yourselves and join a brotherhood that at least has the GUTS to tell you the FACTS! We are not some faction of personal greed, and we don’t make it a habit to lie to our listeners unlike the “clubs” that operate across the APW.

But Delikado… is not at liberty to offer sanctuary. And Aubrey, it’s not because you’re nutty as a fruitcake and likely to bring emo girl problems to a SERIOUS mission…but that’s KIND of why. You’re a dime a dozen, what with your low self-esteem, and if we’d met prior to last week when you pissed me off, Delikado might manipulate your emotions and take you to bed. Sorry to say the only ecstasy Delikado can give you now is whatever you get from morphine after you’re sent to the hospital. In contrast to your snatch, there’s fucking Logan’s self-appointed “badge of knowledge” that suddenly makes him an expert on everything. The wrestling world’s suffered too long from men like Logan, and it’s time to send him to a therapist of his own…courtesy of Delikado’s foot and the mental trauma it inflicts. Maybe you can both share a padded cell.

Or maybe you can be spared. See, because there’s still a quicker way out, New Sindicate grunts, and it goes a little something like this:

Run.

Lemme play it back, because one of you has your head up your own ass and the other’s been tweeting #AJPorDIE at me for the past hour:

Run.

Delikado won’t self-deceive himself, though. He knows you’ll show, try to defame what is not seeking fame, and that’s when The League will work its magic. Not even Lady Luck of Vegas can stop you once the call is issued. The League will gladly take in the resources and positives your defeat shall bring, and then the APW Kingdom will be one step closer to shining as bright as she once did!

LET THE VISION OF EXTRAORDINARINESS TAKE YOU!!![/font][/size]