Post by A.C. Smith on Jun 29, 2013 0:24:15 GMT -4
Our scene opens today in the innards of a British submarine. A.C. Smith's James Bond is alive, having faked his death in a Hong Kong hotel room and been rescued from a funeral at sea by several navy officers. Just by Smith’s walk into an office, which, unlike Bond's usual strut, isn’t that of a cocky secret agent, we get the impression that something important is about to happen.
Indeed, we see Bobby the Bavarian Man-Bitch seated behind an elegant desk, reprising the original M, Bond’s boss. Tensions are high in the world of espionage, with a mysterious space shuttle having stolen spacecrafts belonging to both the United States and the Soviet Union. Naturally, both sides believe the other is behind it, and this has thrown a wrench into relations between the Cold War rivals, which were already icy to begin with.
Bobby: “Have a sit-down, 007.”
A.C.: “Thank you, sir.”
Smith sits in an expensive, padded chair.
Bobby: “No ill effects?”
A.C.: “None at all, sir.”
Bobby: “Well, now that you’re dead, perhaps some of your old friends will pay a little less attention to you for a while. Give you more elbow room. You’ll need it, too. This is the big one, 007. That’s why I’m out here myself. I take it you’re fully briefed.”
A.C.: “Oh, yes, sir. But there’s one thing I don’t understand. If our Singapore tracking station is correct about the rocket not landing in Russia, then where did it land?”
Bobby: “We assume it’s Japan. Mind you, all this is pure guesswork, but the PM wants us to play it with everything we’ve got.”
A.C.: “And the aerial reconnaissance?”
Bobby: “Every inch photographed. Nothing.”
A.C.: “Are the Japanese equipped to launch such a rocket?”
Bobby: (shaking his head) “We don’t think so.”
A.C.: “Then who else is?”
Bobby: (standing up and pacing around the office) “That’s what you’ve got to find out, and fast, before the real shooting starts. This damn thing could blow up into a full-scale war.”
Bobby makes his way to a drawer, pulling out a piece of paper and giving it to A.C.
Bobby: “When you get to Tokyo, go to that name and address. Our man Henderson will contact you there.”
A.C.: (as he burns the piece of paper with a lighter in his right hand) “Henderson.”
Bobby: “Well, that’s all.”
A.C.: (rising to leave) “Thank you, sir.”
Bobby: “007? We’ve only three weeks before the Americans launch the next one. You know that, don’t you?”
A.C.: “Oh, yes, sir.”
Bobby: “And my sources tell me the Russians are planning one even earlier than that. So move fast, 007.”
A.C.: “Yes, sir.”
Smith opens the door to leave, and our scene fades to black again.
---
We fade up in a dreary-looking hideout with plenty of space-age technology. In fact, our hero is clad in a space suit, complete with an astronaut’s helmet. However, Smith has been stopped from boarding a space shuttle, one carrying a nuclear weapon, and has been found out by our villain, one whose arms are seen holding a cat but one whose face is obscured.
Voice: “You made a mistake, my friend. No astronaut would enter a capsule carrying his air conditioner. Remove his helmet.”
Smith’s helmet comes off.
Voice: “James Bond. Allow me to introduce myself.”
The man reveals his face, one that has massive scars around his right eye. It’s Stevie the Slovakian Slobberknocker, and he has a look of amusement as he opens his mouth to speak.
Stevie: “I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong.”
A.C.: “Yes. This is my second life.”
Stevie: “You only live twice, Mr. Bond.”
A pause as an associate barks out status updates on the capsule.
Stevie: “As you see, I am about to inaugurate a little war. In a matter of hours, when America and Russia have annihilated each other, we shall see a new power dominating the world.
“Remove his suit, and search him.”
Stevie’s associates search Smith, making sure he isn’t hiding any weapons as the countdown to launch continues. They find a cigarette case, one that was given to Bond by his technologically-savvy associate Q, but they see nothing amiss with it at first glance.
After a countdown in the background, the missile, labeled “C.C.C.P.” to represent the Soviet Union, is launched from the hideout. As it climbs higher in the sky, we see a man atop a crater signaling with his right arm. At his command, dozens of men in ninja outfits advance toward Blofeld’s lair.
We cut back to the hideout, and Stevie is talking to a bodyguard.
Stevie: “Hans, our job will soon be done. Blow them up as soon as they have captured the Americans. Here’s the key to operate the exploder button.”
Suddenly, an alarm goes off. The ninjas have invaded the hideout.
Stevie: “Crater guns, fire!”
A series of guns come out of the ground and open fire, killing a portion of the invading attack force as we cut back to a gloating Stevie.
Stevie: “The firing power inside my crater is enough to annihilate a small army. You can watch it all on TV. It’s the last program you’re likely to see.”
A.C.: “Well, if I’m going to be forced to watch television, may I smoke?”
Stevie: “Yes. Give him his cigarettes. It won’t be the nicotine that kills you, Mr. Bond.”
Smith lights up, but points the cigarette at one of Stevie’s henchmen who is operating several key controls.
BANG!
The operator falls down dead from a small bullet fired from the 'cigarette.' Several lackeys try and restrain Smith, who punches them out and opens the hatch to the top of the hideout while fending off several more armed guards. However, four armed guards arrive at once to subdue the secret agent, and Stevie is grinning.
Stevie: “Close the crater. I shall look forward personally to exterminating you, Mr. Bond.”
---
A few minutes have passed. Smith and Stevie are accompanied by several of Stevie’s trusted gunmen, including a man in a suit portraying Mr. Osato, who was ordered to kill Bond earlier in the film. They are in Blofeld’s apartment, and Stevie takes Osato’s gun as war is waged all around them between Bond’s army of ninjas and Blofeld’s group of mercenaries.
Stevie: “This is the price of failure, Mr. Bond.”
Stevie points the gun at Bond’s head, but instead turns his shoulders, and…
BANG!
The extra playing Osato falls down dead.
Stevie: “Come on.”
He motions towards a trap door, and Bond follows. Stevie then takes a seat in a portable craft and pulls his gun again.
Stevie: “Goodbye, Mr. Bond.”
Before he can fire, though, a ninja throws a star, and it hits Stevie in his right wrist, which goes limp. The gun is dropped, Stevie’s plot is ultimately foiled, and Bond escapes as our scene fades to black one last time.
Before we come up on another scene, though, those red letters appear in front of that black background.
After a few seconds, the title fades out, and Smith reappears in the empty, cavernous hideout set we saw earlier. Smith is wearing Bond’s space suit outfit, only without the helmet, and the huge set only looks bigger now that the APW Xtreme Champion is the only one on the premises.
Smith walks to a single chair in the middle of the set, and as he does so, the camera zooms in slowly. When the Big Apple Asskicker arrives at the chair, he leans down on it, and when the camera has a satisfactory view of Smith, the big man opens his mouth to speak.
A.C.: “I’m anticipating people scratching their heads over this one, to a certain extent. The move we just re-enacted, ‘You Only Live Twice,’ was one of the first Bond films ever produced. It came out in 1967, and was the next-to-last one starring Sean Connery, a guy many still think is the best actor to ever play that role.
“The movie’s earned a weird reputation. It’s solid, and the action is definitely there, but its legacy is that it’s the most easily-parodied Bond movie ever made. While Blofeld pulls off the creepy, evil-minded villain well enough, he passes up several different chances to kill the one man who could possibly foil his plans of world domination, all for the most foolish of reasons. Call it pride, call it ego, call it whatever you want, but one thing you HAVE to call it is stupidity at its finest.
“In fact, the Dr. Evil character in the Austin Powers trilogy was modeled after Blofeld, right down to the scars on his face. It’s just as well, since he makes a really, REALLY easy target. I mean, how inept can you be to blow THAT many chances at taking out your biggest opposition?”
Smith rolls his eyes and allows himself a slight smirk.
A.C.: “You should know by now that I carefully select the movies I use for my Salutes to Cinema. This time around, right before Test for the Best 2013, was no different. See, I chose ‘Casino Royale’ earlier this week because those on Overdrive saw me like most in Bond’s world saw him: Someone with a very short life expectancy who wasn’t a threat to their grand designs. As I proved several different ways, that’s far from the truth.
“I’ve addressed Biggs, C.J. Gates, and Nathaniel Havok before. They’re the guys from Overdrive; all guys I’ve locked up with before, all guys I’ve beaten before, and all guys I can’t wait to see if I can beat again on Sunday night if that’s the way the draw lines up. Gates and Biggs both said pretty much the same thing to me in their earlier statements, that they know how dangerous I am and acknowledge that I’m on a roll. Meanwhile, Havok is convinced I don’t have the experience necessary to win this tournament. As an 11-year veteran of the squared circle with six World Championships and countless other accolades to my credit, all I can do to respond to that line of reasoning is laugh heartily and sigh with the knowledge that the only person who doesn’t know how screwed Nathaniel Havok is in this tournament…is Nathaniel Havok.”
Smith emits a slight chuckle from his mouth.
A.C.: “Why did I pick ‘You Only Live Twice’ to address the rest of the field? It’s simple, really. I’ve seen a lot from a lot of different directions that’s been produced with the idea of bringing me down. Unfortunately for my prospective opponents, from those I respect to those I don’t respect to those I have way more history with than they’d ever like to admit, none of it is effective. It’s all garbage that falls flat, and I’d be delighted to show you what I mean by that.”
A.C. paces to the other side of the chair and sits down before locking his brown eyes in on the camera lens.
A.C.: “I guess I’ll start with Christian Kane, just to get him out of the way. He’s aligned himself with Parker and Alexander, who I’ll get to in great detail later. But even with as much as those two seem to have invested in this tournament, Kane’s nowhere to be found. This is one of the showcase events on the calendar, and for him to have apparently gone into seclusion like this when someone else on the roster could have taken the ball and run with it is very, VERY disappointing.
“Speaking of disappointing, that brings me to Robina Hood, who seems to subscribe to the same revisionist history as Havok. First, she thinks I hold the Suicidal Championship. Wrong show, Robina. 0-for-1. She says I don’t have what it takes to be a, ahem, ‘star,’ in professional wrestling. An 11-year career, six World Championships, more quality wins than she could ever shake a stick at, and being the only returnee from last year’s tournament say otherwise. 0-for-2.
“Most insultingly, though, she thinks I should be scared of her. Robina has done exactly ZERO research on me, it appears, because I’m scared of nothing that could possibly come my way in the ring. When you spend four years with the NYPD cleaning up New York City, you learn what you should and shouldn’t be scared of. Someone with a gun or a knife? Absolutely. Robina Hood talking a game she can’t possibly back up? Absolutely not. 0-for-3 with three strikeouts.
“If she wants to face me in this tournament, I’ll accept that challenge with open arms. If I had the mindset Robina Hood thinks I have, I’d be curled up in a ball in my New York City penthouse afraid to come out for fear of being beaten up. That’s not me. Never has been, never will be, and she’d better hope she doesn’t get the chance to learn that the hard way.”
Smith shakes his head at Robina’s misleading ramblings from earlier in the week.
A.C.: “The next couple of things I need to address aren’t easy, because they come from guys who I don’t necessarily dislike. Take, for instance, Jair Hopkins, a guy who generally has a decent head on his shoulders. He’s one-half of APW’s tag team champions, and by and large, he’s earned everything he’s gotten here in APW. There’s a lot to be said for that.
“But something he said really grinded my gears. He says he gets motivated by the thought of Overdrive guys like myself getting beaten by what some consider inferior talent, and that has NEVER been the way I’ve perceived things. Sure, Overdrive is the flagship show, but there’s no denying the ample talent on Asylum. Guys like Hopkins, Anthony Bailey, Terry Marvin, and others could hang with anyone in the wrestling world on any given night, and come to think of it, so could some of the wrestlers on Meltdown, too.
“Hopkins isn’t going to surprise me by lying in the weeds, waiting for me to underestimate him simply because he’s an Asylum guy. That’s just not going to happen. Maybe a couple of my Overdrive compatriots will feel that way, but I can’t speak for them right now. All I can do is state my feelings on the matter, which is that it seems like Hopkins is waiting for me to make a rookie mistake, one I’m NEVER going to make. In a weird way, he’s underestimating me just as much as anyone else in this field, and I take exception to that.
“When I mentioned Meltdown, one of the guys that logically gets brought up is Jace Savage. He seems alright, and I appreciate him saying that I’m an honorable guy. It’s nice that at least one person in this field isn’t completely into bullshitting his half-assed version of the truth, but the problem is that while he doesn’t subscribe to bullshit as a rule, it looks like he’s fallen into some of it with his father.
“As someone that’s dealt with domestic issues as a cop, I respect that not every situation is rosy. I get it. But for that to flare up now, at a time where the guy’s mind REALLY needs to be on business? Speaking as someone who’s gotten focusing down to a science, if you’re not locked in on the task at hand and the obstacles you need to overcome to get stuff done when the guy across from you is, you’re screwed.
“I can assure you, my focus isn’t just on being part of the Test for the Best field, but on winning the whole damn thing. I set that goal for myself minutes after Terry Marvin beat me in the quarterfinals last year, and I’m close enough to where I can almost see my name on the marquee at Shockwave. Rest assured that my focus is EXACTLY where it needs to be, contrary to what Hopkins may think and in stark contrast to what’s going through Savage’s head right now.”
Much like we saw a few days ago, members of Smith’s Salute to Cinema crew begin breaking down the set behind Smith. We hear the faint sounds of large pieces of the scenery being moved around, but it doesn’t serve as much of a distraction when the Big Apple Asskicker resumes speaking.
A.C.: “This brings me to the two people I haven’t addressed yet, and the two people I have more history with than just about anyone in APW: Logan Alexander and Aubrey Parker. I’ll start with Logan, whom I’m expecting royalty checks from any day now for his little ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ rip-off he aired the other day, but I digress.
“In a past Salute to Cinema featuring ‘The Godfather: Part 2’ that I produced several years ago, I compared Logan to Fredo Corleone. When he’s thinking clearly, he’s fine to work with. He’s an excellent technical wrestler, a veteran, and a guy you don’t mind having around in a tight spot if he’s firing on all cylinders. I’m not at all surprised he qualified for Test for the Best, and I won’t be shocked if he comes up as my opponent.
“However, when his vision gets clouded, and when his ego gets in the way, he becomes a nuisance, just impossible to tolerate. That’s what’s happened the past couple of weeks since he jumped over to the dark side with the New Sindicate. He let other things get in the way of what he should be doing because…he’s mentally weak.”
It’s almost like everything in the background stops when Smith pauses.
A.C.: “It’s never Logan’s fault when something goes wrong. It’s the fault of a back injury. Or a conspiracy. Or blind luck. Or something beyond Logan just not being the better man on a given night. He’s avoided me for over two years, not because of any contempt for me, but because he realized I’d figured him out and knew how to hurt him.
“Don’t let any of his long-winded ramblings fool you. Ever since he arrived in APW, he’s ducked me, not because he’d rather not deal with me, but because he’s SCARED of me. If our names come up on the same side of the bracket, I want a camera on his face, because his look will tell the entire story.
“To whatever response Logan has…whatever. As far as I’m concerned, he and I both know that if he wants to stand any chance at all of winning this tournament, he has to go through the man that damn near retired him over two years ago. He’ll need his REAL back injury, a loss of spine, to heal quickly, and even then, it may not be enough. I’ve beaten him before, and I’ll beat him again. Hell, maybe he’ll go running to the hills again, breaking up the New Sindicate and killing two birds with one stone.
“And speaking of the New Sindicate…that brings me to Parker.”
Smith’s nostrils flare. His face grows redder by the second, and it’s almost as if the mere mention of his longtime enemy produced a vomit taste in his mouth.
A.C.: “Before I go any further, let me correct the twisted history she presented earlier this week with something she’d be very uncomfortable with: The truth. Parker thinks I’m a cruel human being because I didn’t bow down to her when she’d been in my business for 15 minutes and thought she knew more about it than I did. She didn’t take kindly to me pointing that out several times, and as such, she made it her personal mission to destroy me.
“It KILLS her to see me successful. It KILLS her that I’m the longest-reigning champion on APW’s flagship show. It KILLS her that after EVERYTHING she’s tried to put me through, everything she’s done to try to knock me down, I’m still as strong as I’ve ever been. It KILLS her that she wants me to die, and yet here I am, living, living well, and one of the favorites in Test for the Best, a tournament she wants to win as much as anything.
“If she thinks I'm a bully for pointing out facts she wants to ignore, ones that don't fit her sick, twisted, demented take on reality, she can do that. It's going to get her nowhere in terms of momentum for Sunday night, though, and while she's busy pissing and moaning about how much she hates me and wants to rid me from the planet, I'll be thinking of ways to win Test for the Best, earn a title shot at Shockwave, and continue to make an impact with the same set of skills I've had for 11 years, one Aubrey Parker has been trying to tell the world doesn't exist.”
Again, Smith rolls his eyes in disgust, this time doing so as he stands up and kicks his chair out from underneath him.
A.C.: “I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is more prepared to win this tournament than me. I made it my mission to get back here, and through hell and high water, I did it. Along the way, I captured the APW Xtreme Championship, dispatched several APW Hall of Famers, and showed I'm every bit as good as I've ever been.
“What everyone else in this field is doing is insulting. Some are trying to dance around the elephant in the room instead of taking it on, and the ones that have challenged me, including several of APW's most recognizable faces, have done so in piss-poor fashion. Why? I don't know. You'd have to ask my competitors that question.
“All I know is this. Much like Blofeld in 'You Only Live Twice,' everyone else will have their shot to go up against me with the whole world watching. And much like Blofeld in 'You Only Live Twice,' they will fail and fail miserably for various reasons. Whether it's pride, or ego, or just not being good enough to beat me, the facts are that this tournament can only end one way: With me getting my hand raised after proving all my doubters wrong and beating all comers.
“To the rest of the Test for the Best field, which includes some guys I happen to respect immensely: Good luck. You'll need it.”
Smith exits, and we fade to black one last time.
-----
NOTE: Pre-formatting word count in Word was 3,826.
Indeed, we see Bobby the Bavarian Man-Bitch seated behind an elegant desk, reprising the original M, Bond’s boss. Tensions are high in the world of espionage, with a mysterious space shuttle having stolen spacecrafts belonging to both the United States and the Soviet Union. Naturally, both sides believe the other is behind it, and this has thrown a wrench into relations between the Cold War rivals, which were already icy to begin with.
Bobby: “Have a sit-down, 007.”
A.C.: “Thank you, sir.”
Smith sits in an expensive, padded chair.
Bobby: “No ill effects?”
A.C.: “None at all, sir.”
Bobby: “Well, now that you’re dead, perhaps some of your old friends will pay a little less attention to you for a while. Give you more elbow room. You’ll need it, too. This is the big one, 007. That’s why I’m out here myself. I take it you’re fully briefed.”
A.C.: “Oh, yes, sir. But there’s one thing I don’t understand. If our Singapore tracking station is correct about the rocket not landing in Russia, then where did it land?”
Bobby: “We assume it’s Japan. Mind you, all this is pure guesswork, but the PM wants us to play it with everything we’ve got.”
A.C.: “And the aerial reconnaissance?”
Bobby: “Every inch photographed. Nothing.”
A.C.: “Are the Japanese equipped to launch such a rocket?”
Bobby: (shaking his head) “We don’t think so.”
A.C.: “Then who else is?”
Bobby: (standing up and pacing around the office) “That’s what you’ve got to find out, and fast, before the real shooting starts. This damn thing could blow up into a full-scale war.”
Bobby makes his way to a drawer, pulling out a piece of paper and giving it to A.C.
Bobby: “When you get to Tokyo, go to that name and address. Our man Henderson will contact you there.”
A.C.: (as he burns the piece of paper with a lighter in his right hand) “Henderson.”
Bobby: “Well, that’s all.”
A.C.: (rising to leave) “Thank you, sir.”
Bobby: “007? We’ve only three weeks before the Americans launch the next one. You know that, don’t you?”
A.C.: “Oh, yes, sir.”
Bobby: “And my sources tell me the Russians are planning one even earlier than that. So move fast, 007.”
A.C.: “Yes, sir.”
Smith opens the door to leave, and our scene fades to black again.
---
We fade up in a dreary-looking hideout with plenty of space-age technology. In fact, our hero is clad in a space suit, complete with an astronaut’s helmet. However, Smith has been stopped from boarding a space shuttle, one carrying a nuclear weapon, and has been found out by our villain, one whose arms are seen holding a cat but one whose face is obscured.
Voice: “You made a mistake, my friend. No astronaut would enter a capsule carrying his air conditioner. Remove his helmet.”
Smith’s helmet comes off.
Voice: “James Bond. Allow me to introduce myself.”
The man reveals his face, one that has massive scars around his right eye. It’s Stevie the Slovakian Slobberknocker, and he has a look of amusement as he opens his mouth to speak.
Stevie: “I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong.”
A.C.: “Yes. This is my second life.”
Stevie: “You only live twice, Mr. Bond.”
A pause as an associate barks out status updates on the capsule.
Stevie: “As you see, I am about to inaugurate a little war. In a matter of hours, when America and Russia have annihilated each other, we shall see a new power dominating the world.
“Remove his suit, and search him.”
Stevie’s associates search Smith, making sure he isn’t hiding any weapons as the countdown to launch continues. They find a cigarette case, one that was given to Bond by his technologically-savvy associate Q, but they see nothing amiss with it at first glance.
After a countdown in the background, the missile, labeled “C.C.C.P.” to represent the Soviet Union, is launched from the hideout. As it climbs higher in the sky, we see a man atop a crater signaling with his right arm. At his command, dozens of men in ninja outfits advance toward Blofeld’s lair.
We cut back to the hideout, and Stevie is talking to a bodyguard.
Stevie: “Hans, our job will soon be done. Blow them up as soon as they have captured the Americans. Here’s the key to operate the exploder button.”
Suddenly, an alarm goes off. The ninjas have invaded the hideout.
Stevie: “Crater guns, fire!”
A series of guns come out of the ground and open fire, killing a portion of the invading attack force as we cut back to a gloating Stevie.
Stevie: “The firing power inside my crater is enough to annihilate a small army. You can watch it all on TV. It’s the last program you’re likely to see.”
A.C.: “Well, if I’m going to be forced to watch television, may I smoke?”
Stevie: “Yes. Give him his cigarettes. It won’t be the nicotine that kills you, Mr. Bond.”
Smith lights up, but points the cigarette at one of Stevie’s henchmen who is operating several key controls.
BANG!
The operator falls down dead from a small bullet fired from the 'cigarette.' Several lackeys try and restrain Smith, who punches them out and opens the hatch to the top of the hideout while fending off several more armed guards. However, four armed guards arrive at once to subdue the secret agent, and Stevie is grinning.
Stevie: “Close the crater. I shall look forward personally to exterminating you, Mr. Bond.”
---
A few minutes have passed. Smith and Stevie are accompanied by several of Stevie’s trusted gunmen, including a man in a suit portraying Mr. Osato, who was ordered to kill Bond earlier in the film. They are in Blofeld’s apartment, and Stevie takes Osato’s gun as war is waged all around them between Bond’s army of ninjas and Blofeld’s group of mercenaries.
Stevie: “This is the price of failure, Mr. Bond.”
Stevie points the gun at Bond’s head, but instead turns his shoulders, and…
BANG!
The extra playing Osato falls down dead.
Stevie: “Come on.”
He motions towards a trap door, and Bond follows. Stevie then takes a seat in a portable craft and pulls his gun again.
Stevie: “Goodbye, Mr. Bond.”
Before he can fire, though, a ninja throws a star, and it hits Stevie in his right wrist, which goes limp. The gun is dropped, Stevie’s plot is ultimately foiled, and Bond escapes as our scene fades to black one last time.
Before we come up on another scene, though, those red letters appear in front of that black background.
DIRECTOR’S CUT
After a few seconds, the title fades out, and Smith reappears in the empty, cavernous hideout set we saw earlier. Smith is wearing Bond’s space suit outfit, only without the helmet, and the huge set only looks bigger now that the APW Xtreme Champion is the only one on the premises.
Smith walks to a single chair in the middle of the set, and as he does so, the camera zooms in slowly. When the Big Apple Asskicker arrives at the chair, he leans down on it, and when the camera has a satisfactory view of Smith, the big man opens his mouth to speak.
A.C.: “I’m anticipating people scratching their heads over this one, to a certain extent. The move we just re-enacted, ‘You Only Live Twice,’ was one of the first Bond films ever produced. It came out in 1967, and was the next-to-last one starring Sean Connery, a guy many still think is the best actor to ever play that role.
“The movie’s earned a weird reputation. It’s solid, and the action is definitely there, but its legacy is that it’s the most easily-parodied Bond movie ever made. While Blofeld pulls off the creepy, evil-minded villain well enough, he passes up several different chances to kill the one man who could possibly foil his plans of world domination, all for the most foolish of reasons. Call it pride, call it ego, call it whatever you want, but one thing you HAVE to call it is stupidity at its finest.
“In fact, the Dr. Evil character in the Austin Powers trilogy was modeled after Blofeld, right down to the scars on his face. It’s just as well, since he makes a really, REALLY easy target. I mean, how inept can you be to blow THAT many chances at taking out your biggest opposition?”
Smith rolls his eyes and allows himself a slight smirk.
A.C.: “You should know by now that I carefully select the movies I use for my Salutes to Cinema. This time around, right before Test for the Best 2013, was no different. See, I chose ‘Casino Royale’ earlier this week because those on Overdrive saw me like most in Bond’s world saw him: Someone with a very short life expectancy who wasn’t a threat to their grand designs. As I proved several different ways, that’s far from the truth.
“I’ve addressed Biggs, C.J. Gates, and Nathaniel Havok before. They’re the guys from Overdrive; all guys I’ve locked up with before, all guys I’ve beaten before, and all guys I can’t wait to see if I can beat again on Sunday night if that’s the way the draw lines up. Gates and Biggs both said pretty much the same thing to me in their earlier statements, that they know how dangerous I am and acknowledge that I’m on a roll. Meanwhile, Havok is convinced I don’t have the experience necessary to win this tournament. As an 11-year veteran of the squared circle with six World Championships and countless other accolades to my credit, all I can do to respond to that line of reasoning is laugh heartily and sigh with the knowledge that the only person who doesn’t know how screwed Nathaniel Havok is in this tournament…is Nathaniel Havok.”
Smith emits a slight chuckle from his mouth.
A.C.: “Why did I pick ‘You Only Live Twice’ to address the rest of the field? It’s simple, really. I’ve seen a lot from a lot of different directions that’s been produced with the idea of bringing me down. Unfortunately for my prospective opponents, from those I respect to those I don’t respect to those I have way more history with than they’d ever like to admit, none of it is effective. It’s all garbage that falls flat, and I’d be delighted to show you what I mean by that.”
A.C. paces to the other side of the chair and sits down before locking his brown eyes in on the camera lens.
A.C.: “I guess I’ll start with Christian Kane, just to get him out of the way. He’s aligned himself with Parker and Alexander, who I’ll get to in great detail later. But even with as much as those two seem to have invested in this tournament, Kane’s nowhere to be found. This is one of the showcase events on the calendar, and for him to have apparently gone into seclusion like this when someone else on the roster could have taken the ball and run with it is very, VERY disappointing.
“Speaking of disappointing, that brings me to Robina Hood, who seems to subscribe to the same revisionist history as Havok. First, she thinks I hold the Suicidal Championship. Wrong show, Robina. 0-for-1. She says I don’t have what it takes to be a, ahem, ‘star,’ in professional wrestling. An 11-year career, six World Championships, more quality wins than she could ever shake a stick at, and being the only returnee from last year’s tournament say otherwise. 0-for-2.
“Most insultingly, though, she thinks I should be scared of her. Robina has done exactly ZERO research on me, it appears, because I’m scared of nothing that could possibly come my way in the ring. When you spend four years with the NYPD cleaning up New York City, you learn what you should and shouldn’t be scared of. Someone with a gun or a knife? Absolutely. Robina Hood talking a game she can’t possibly back up? Absolutely not. 0-for-3 with three strikeouts.
“If she wants to face me in this tournament, I’ll accept that challenge with open arms. If I had the mindset Robina Hood thinks I have, I’d be curled up in a ball in my New York City penthouse afraid to come out for fear of being beaten up. That’s not me. Never has been, never will be, and she’d better hope she doesn’t get the chance to learn that the hard way.”
Smith shakes his head at Robina’s misleading ramblings from earlier in the week.
A.C.: “The next couple of things I need to address aren’t easy, because they come from guys who I don’t necessarily dislike. Take, for instance, Jair Hopkins, a guy who generally has a decent head on his shoulders. He’s one-half of APW’s tag team champions, and by and large, he’s earned everything he’s gotten here in APW. There’s a lot to be said for that.
“But something he said really grinded my gears. He says he gets motivated by the thought of Overdrive guys like myself getting beaten by what some consider inferior talent, and that has NEVER been the way I’ve perceived things. Sure, Overdrive is the flagship show, but there’s no denying the ample talent on Asylum. Guys like Hopkins, Anthony Bailey, Terry Marvin, and others could hang with anyone in the wrestling world on any given night, and come to think of it, so could some of the wrestlers on Meltdown, too.
“Hopkins isn’t going to surprise me by lying in the weeds, waiting for me to underestimate him simply because he’s an Asylum guy. That’s just not going to happen. Maybe a couple of my Overdrive compatriots will feel that way, but I can’t speak for them right now. All I can do is state my feelings on the matter, which is that it seems like Hopkins is waiting for me to make a rookie mistake, one I’m NEVER going to make. In a weird way, he’s underestimating me just as much as anyone else in this field, and I take exception to that.
“When I mentioned Meltdown, one of the guys that logically gets brought up is Jace Savage. He seems alright, and I appreciate him saying that I’m an honorable guy. It’s nice that at least one person in this field isn’t completely into bullshitting his half-assed version of the truth, but the problem is that while he doesn’t subscribe to bullshit as a rule, it looks like he’s fallen into some of it with his father.
“As someone that’s dealt with domestic issues as a cop, I respect that not every situation is rosy. I get it. But for that to flare up now, at a time where the guy’s mind REALLY needs to be on business? Speaking as someone who’s gotten focusing down to a science, if you’re not locked in on the task at hand and the obstacles you need to overcome to get stuff done when the guy across from you is, you’re screwed.
“I can assure you, my focus isn’t just on being part of the Test for the Best field, but on winning the whole damn thing. I set that goal for myself minutes after Terry Marvin beat me in the quarterfinals last year, and I’m close enough to where I can almost see my name on the marquee at Shockwave. Rest assured that my focus is EXACTLY where it needs to be, contrary to what Hopkins may think and in stark contrast to what’s going through Savage’s head right now.”
Much like we saw a few days ago, members of Smith’s Salute to Cinema crew begin breaking down the set behind Smith. We hear the faint sounds of large pieces of the scenery being moved around, but it doesn’t serve as much of a distraction when the Big Apple Asskicker resumes speaking.
A.C.: “This brings me to the two people I haven’t addressed yet, and the two people I have more history with than just about anyone in APW: Logan Alexander and Aubrey Parker. I’ll start with Logan, whom I’m expecting royalty checks from any day now for his little ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ rip-off he aired the other day, but I digress.
“In a past Salute to Cinema featuring ‘The Godfather: Part 2’ that I produced several years ago, I compared Logan to Fredo Corleone. When he’s thinking clearly, he’s fine to work with. He’s an excellent technical wrestler, a veteran, and a guy you don’t mind having around in a tight spot if he’s firing on all cylinders. I’m not at all surprised he qualified for Test for the Best, and I won’t be shocked if he comes up as my opponent.
“However, when his vision gets clouded, and when his ego gets in the way, he becomes a nuisance, just impossible to tolerate. That’s what’s happened the past couple of weeks since he jumped over to the dark side with the New Sindicate. He let other things get in the way of what he should be doing because…he’s mentally weak.”
It’s almost like everything in the background stops when Smith pauses.
A.C.: “It’s never Logan’s fault when something goes wrong. It’s the fault of a back injury. Or a conspiracy. Or blind luck. Or something beyond Logan just not being the better man on a given night. He’s avoided me for over two years, not because of any contempt for me, but because he realized I’d figured him out and knew how to hurt him.
“Don’t let any of his long-winded ramblings fool you. Ever since he arrived in APW, he’s ducked me, not because he’d rather not deal with me, but because he’s SCARED of me. If our names come up on the same side of the bracket, I want a camera on his face, because his look will tell the entire story.
“To whatever response Logan has…whatever. As far as I’m concerned, he and I both know that if he wants to stand any chance at all of winning this tournament, he has to go through the man that damn near retired him over two years ago. He’ll need his REAL back injury, a loss of spine, to heal quickly, and even then, it may not be enough. I’ve beaten him before, and I’ll beat him again. Hell, maybe he’ll go running to the hills again, breaking up the New Sindicate and killing two birds with one stone.
“And speaking of the New Sindicate…that brings me to Parker.”
Smith’s nostrils flare. His face grows redder by the second, and it’s almost as if the mere mention of his longtime enemy produced a vomit taste in his mouth.
A.C.: “Before I go any further, let me correct the twisted history she presented earlier this week with something she’d be very uncomfortable with: The truth. Parker thinks I’m a cruel human being because I didn’t bow down to her when she’d been in my business for 15 minutes and thought she knew more about it than I did. She didn’t take kindly to me pointing that out several times, and as such, she made it her personal mission to destroy me.
“It KILLS her to see me successful. It KILLS her that I’m the longest-reigning champion on APW’s flagship show. It KILLS her that after EVERYTHING she’s tried to put me through, everything she’s done to try to knock me down, I’m still as strong as I’ve ever been. It KILLS her that she wants me to die, and yet here I am, living, living well, and one of the favorites in Test for the Best, a tournament she wants to win as much as anything.
“If she thinks I'm a bully for pointing out facts she wants to ignore, ones that don't fit her sick, twisted, demented take on reality, she can do that. It's going to get her nowhere in terms of momentum for Sunday night, though, and while she's busy pissing and moaning about how much she hates me and wants to rid me from the planet, I'll be thinking of ways to win Test for the Best, earn a title shot at Shockwave, and continue to make an impact with the same set of skills I've had for 11 years, one Aubrey Parker has been trying to tell the world doesn't exist.”
Again, Smith rolls his eyes in disgust, this time doing so as he stands up and kicks his chair out from underneath him.
A.C.: “I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is more prepared to win this tournament than me. I made it my mission to get back here, and through hell and high water, I did it. Along the way, I captured the APW Xtreme Championship, dispatched several APW Hall of Famers, and showed I'm every bit as good as I've ever been.
“What everyone else in this field is doing is insulting. Some are trying to dance around the elephant in the room instead of taking it on, and the ones that have challenged me, including several of APW's most recognizable faces, have done so in piss-poor fashion. Why? I don't know. You'd have to ask my competitors that question.
“All I know is this. Much like Blofeld in 'You Only Live Twice,' everyone else will have their shot to go up against me with the whole world watching. And much like Blofeld in 'You Only Live Twice,' they will fail and fail miserably for various reasons. Whether it's pride, or ego, or just not being good enough to beat me, the facts are that this tournament can only end one way: With me getting my hand raised after proving all my doubters wrong and beating all comers.
“To the rest of the Test for the Best field, which includes some guys I happen to respect immensely: Good luck. You'll need it.”
Smith exits, and we fade to black one last time.
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NOTE: Pre-formatting word count in Word was 3,826.
