Post by Shadow on Oct 2, 2013 23:42:45 GMT -4
Who the hell is Joseph Johnson? Wait, wasn't he the guy who put his contract on the line at Rasslemania in an impromptu match and lost? Why the hell is that piece of trash still floating around here? Let me guess; He's the real stupid looking kid. You know, they one with the goofy wannabe innovative fucking hair-cut and the retard shoes that small animals are instinctively intelligent and avoid. Joseph Johnson... real impressive. And since this "winner" can't make any friends he has to go and use his "connections" to get his protégé a booked on Asylum? President Jeff better fire the asshole responsible for allowing that to happen.
Well actually, hold that thought; As many of you at home know, APW has an "open door" policy for independent professional wrestlers, for one. And two, I like having Kash as our GM. But he DID book this match so I have to wonder if he wanted was asking me to take out the trash. Not the first time a general manager has enlisted my services in disposing a body. You know I get double pay for this right? I tell you what. How about I do you a solid and overthrow your new "king" for half price as well? Seriously, another damn king? They say this one is 'the last king,' that shit better be true. Kingdoms fall. APW is nowhere near falling, we don't need a king; we have Kash. Oh and I don't care about your past anyway, thanks for not wasting anymore of my attention. I'm sure you're wondering why would I just pick a fight with Scott Wilson? Well, I got a problem with authority figures. King's piss me off. Plus, nobody is just going to walk into APW and crown himself King. Not on my watch.
So back to the Open Door policy Many backyard douchebags abuse that policy and open that door without thinking. To deal with such nuisances, some big-wig put me in charge of the "slamming it in their face" policy. It's a pretty straight forward policy. It's also known as the you're fired policy. But as all of you know, APW upper management likes to creative when they fire people. Hell that's why we keep Mr. Dangerous on standby. When they want something unsavory, they call me in because I don't fuck around. I'm going to do Stephen Mitchell dirty and when I'm done, I'm going to make sure the doorknobs hits that piece of trash on the ass on the way out! But sometimes the trash I try to take out turns out to be a treasure. Some people are just that invaluable in their own special way; people like me. Need proof? Just watch my last match on Asylum. Others are just your run of the mill, dime a dozen jerkoffs who have no business stepping in the ring. They have no fire, no passion for this business. Like Stephen Mitchell, I mean come on, he's doing this for beer money.
I'll bet that oversized shirt hides his oversized gut too. Does that cheap bitch with floppy tits have rehab listed anywhere on that bullshit clipboard? I hear she likes to hit people with it. Well, it better be made out of titanium because if your bitch brings her wood to the ring on Asylum and tries to use it on me, I might have to sodomize her with it the biggest broken chunk on sheer principle. Hell, I don't even understand why some dooded-up, egg-sucking, backyard, gutter-trash wrestler like you thinks you can cut it in the big time. You're nothing more than a proto-evolutionary creature that God decided wasn't genetically capable enough to be useful. I could have swore I saw your face up there with the Dodo in history class. I thought mankind did the smart thing and wiped your type out years ago. Oh well, must have missed one. I'll be happy I'll finish the job if your stupid enough to show up on Asylum. Go ahead, try that Open Policy, I dare you. Since I mentioned last Asylum, I got something to say to someone who is a little more important and just so happens to be an outright whore: Talon. Bitch, go fix me a fucking sandwich. And I got words for that greasy haired, over gay muscular, genetic giant in a chastity belt eunuch, too. Sentinel, I told you Parker wasn't paying you enough to protect her from me. I'll see you in hell.
Speaking of that. Let's talk about your bosses, all of them. Stefan Raab first. I got a question for you about prison; do they make you wear lederhosen in there you Gerry-bastard? Now I got a better question, do you think you're safe from me in there? Like I don't have friends behind bars and I can't make any calls. Raab, you're a damn genius. Just stay right there in your little cell and wait for me, I'll get to you when I can. Oh and fuck you too.
Now let's talk about that cheapskate, flat chested, big nose, beady eyed, horse tooth having, Penelope Cruz white girl abomination, chair wielding Whore of Babylon, Aubrey J Parker. Do you really think the Elimination Chamber is going to keep you from me? I don't give a damn what anybody says, I'll walk right down there at One Night in Hell and add myself to that chamber. I won't be going for the title, I'll go after Aubrey J. Parker. You others can go about your business. And Terry, don't worry about her. I'll punish her good and proper.
I mean surely you want to watch Parker squirm after what she did to you at Shockwave. And hell after you're done with the chamber match you can come over help me pull a grand finale on that blasphemous bitch. We'll do the wrestling version of "the Houdini," I'll beat Aubrey J Parker with a chair until she passes out and you can beat her with a chair until she wakes up. And if you two are still cool with one another, then just do yourself a favor keep your nose out of my business. Because if you don't I might just take your title away from you when I'm done with her.
I'm going to be at One Night in Hell anyway. I should probably get to that. That's the most important thing I have to say. Because word around the water cooler is Slade Craven's been walking out of active volcanos. Not dormant ones, active ones. Ask anybody, that's pretty freaking weird. Then again I'm not anybody. I think he's trying to talk to me. Most ya'll may remember I buried Slade's ass a while ago. Let me specify, I chokeslammed Craven's ass to Hell and then buried him under his coffin and a fuck-ton of dirt. I sent him to Hell.
And that doesn't sit well with me. So when we get back to Tokyo this year, I'm going to march right down into the pit to find him. You don't think I'll do it? Slade was my very best good friend I don't care if he turned on me once. I buried him and I've been looking for him ever since. Well I found him, Slade is in Hell trying to escape. October 27th is my one night to pull him out.
Well actually, hold that thought; As many of you at home know, APW has an "open door" policy for independent professional wrestlers, for one. And two, I like having Kash as our GM. But he DID book this match so I have to wonder if he wanted was asking me to take out the trash. Not the first time a general manager has enlisted my services in disposing a body. You know I get double pay for this right? I tell you what. How about I do you a solid and overthrow your new "king" for half price as well? Seriously, another damn king? They say this one is 'the last king,' that shit better be true. Kingdoms fall. APW is nowhere near falling, we don't need a king; we have Kash. Oh and I don't care about your past anyway, thanks for not wasting anymore of my attention. I'm sure you're wondering why would I just pick a fight with Scott Wilson? Well, I got a problem with authority figures. King's piss me off. Plus, nobody is just going to walk into APW and crown himself King. Not on my watch.
So back to the Open Door policy Many backyard douchebags abuse that policy and open that door without thinking. To deal with such nuisances, some big-wig put me in charge of the "slamming it in their face" policy. It's a pretty straight forward policy. It's also known as the you're fired policy. But as all of you know, APW upper management likes to creative when they fire people. Hell that's why we keep Mr. Dangerous on standby. When they want something unsavory, they call me in because I don't fuck around. I'm going to do Stephen Mitchell dirty and when I'm done, I'm going to make sure the doorknobs hits that piece of trash on the ass on the way out! But sometimes the trash I try to take out turns out to be a treasure. Some people are just that invaluable in their own special way; people like me. Need proof? Just watch my last match on Asylum. Others are just your run of the mill, dime a dozen jerkoffs who have no business stepping in the ring. They have no fire, no passion for this business. Like Stephen Mitchell, I mean come on, he's doing this for beer money.
I'll bet that oversized shirt hides his oversized gut too. Does that cheap bitch with floppy tits have rehab listed anywhere on that bullshit clipboard? I hear she likes to hit people with it. Well, it better be made out of titanium because if your bitch brings her wood to the ring on Asylum and tries to use it on me, I might have to sodomize her with it the biggest broken chunk on sheer principle. Hell, I don't even understand why some dooded-up, egg-sucking, backyard, gutter-trash wrestler like you thinks you can cut it in the big time. You're nothing more than a proto-evolutionary creature that God decided wasn't genetically capable enough to be useful. I could have swore I saw your face up there with the Dodo in history class. I thought mankind did the smart thing and wiped your type out years ago. Oh well, must have missed one. I'll be happy I'll finish the job if your stupid enough to show up on Asylum. Go ahead, try that Open Policy, I dare you. Since I mentioned last Asylum, I got something to say to someone who is a little more important and just so happens to be an outright whore: Talon. Bitch, go fix me a fucking sandwich. And I got words for that greasy haired, over gay muscular, genetic giant in a chastity belt eunuch, too. Sentinel, I told you Parker wasn't paying you enough to protect her from me. I'll see you in hell.
Speaking of that. Let's talk about your bosses, all of them. Stefan Raab first. I got a question for you about prison; do they make you wear lederhosen in there you Gerry-bastard? Now I got a better question, do you think you're safe from me in there? Like I don't have friends behind bars and I can't make any calls. Raab, you're a damn genius. Just stay right there in your little cell and wait for me, I'll get to you when I can. Oh and fuck you too.
Now let's talk about that cheapskate, flat chested, big nose, beady eyed, horse tooth having, Penelope Cruz white girl abomination, chair wielding Whore of Babylon, Aubrey J Parker. Do you really think the Elimination Chamber is going to keep you from me? I don't give a damn what anybody says, I'll walk right down there at One Night in Hell and add myself to that chamber. I won't be going for the title, I'll go after Aubrey J. Parker. You others can go about your business. And Terry, don't worry about her. I'll punish her good and proper.
I mean surely you want to watch Parker squirm after what she did to you at Shockwave. And hell after you're done with the chamber match you can come over help me pull a grand finale on that blasphemous bitch. We'll do the wrestling version of "the Houdini," I'll beat Aubrey J Parker with a chair until she passes out and you can beat her with a chair until she wakes up. And if you two are still cool with one another, then just do yourself a favor keep your nose out of my business. Because if you don't I might just take your title away from you when I'm done with her.
I'm going to be at One Night in Hell anyway. I should probably get to that. That's the most important thing I have to say. Because word around the water cooler is Slade Craven's been walking out of active volcanos. Not dormant ones, active ones. Ask anybody, that's pretty freaking weird. Then again I'm not anybody. I think he's trying to talk to me. Most ya'll may remember I buried Slade's ass a while ago. Let me specify, I chokeslammed Craven's ass to Hell and then buried him under his coffin and a fuck-ton of dirt. I sent him to Hell.
And that doesn't sit well with me. So when we get back to Tokyo this year, I'm going to march right down into the pit to find him. You don't think I'll do it? Slade was my very best good friend I don't care if he turned on me once. I buried him and I've been looking for him ever since. Well I found him, Slade is in Hell trying to escape. October 27th is my one night to pull him out.
