Team APW Wrestling Police!!

[Reaver]

In a world.......

















where terrorism runs rampant throughout professional wrestling.....















and different brands collide......

















when puppets are seemingly used for impersonations..............




















just know..........they will always be there.............


















TEAM APW WRESTLING POLICE!!

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The scene opens up on in downtown Tokyo, Japan. A very hustle and bustle type of city where business men and women are walking very briskly through the high traffic streets. It's lunch time so many of the crowds surround local food businesses like sandwich shops, fast food places, street vendors selling various local food items, and nearby restaurants fill up quickly with the daily lunch crowd. In the back round, there are four very distinguishable people trying to hide amongst the crowd but fail horribly since they are a good two feet taller than the rest.

Woman; AKIRA!? AKIRA!?

A woman seemingly misplaced her child amongst the crowd and she frantically looks for him. Not too far off, this kid is walking away fro the streets singing a song out loud while his face is covered with chocolate.

Kid; * singing * Ching chong bing bong, ching bong......

The kid is suddenly stopped when he runs face first into one of the four distinguishable weirdos who happen to be standing in the crowd and holding a briefcase. The kid looks up at him with his mouth wide open. This particular “person” looks back down at the kid then turns around and walks off with the other three. The child's mother runs up to him a nervous wreck.

Woman; AKIRA!! Ching chong bing bing bong!

Kid; Bing chong bong ching bong mama!! * points * (has this promo gotten racist yet? I didn't think so either!)

The woman looks over at the group who seem to be talking at each other. Suddenly, a siren goes off and the crowds of people stop and look around. The small group look around in desperation as a man shouts off from a bicycle, fully equipped with pink basket, tassels, and a playing card in the spokes, with the blue light spinning as if he got it from a close out sale from Caldor or Woolworth and a bullhorn that seems to be low on batteries. (too much?)

Team member #1; You in the robes. Put own the weapon of mass destruction, or your lunch, and get on the ground. You are under arrest!

The group of people look at themselves then pull out automatics and start lighting the place up like the Chinese new year. (in japan?) The crowds of people scatter with fear as they shout weird obscenities and duck out of harms way. Team member #1 and #2 park their bikes, whip out some more automatics and return fire. One of the “terrorists” run down the street in hopes of splitting up the defense but out comes Team member #3 who yells his battle cry of “HEE HAW!!”and blasts them in the back of the head with a donkey punch that sends him flying through the glass of a nearby store.

Meanwhile....

Team members #1 and #2 aren't doing anything damage wise so two more “terrorists” try to make their way to escape so the first team member chases after him.

Team member #1; Where do you think you're going?

For some odd reason, he attempts to throw his “Starmaker” to try and catch the man running away but seemingly misses and for some unexplainable phenomenon, manages to by pass the “terrorist” and hits a standing leg of the Tokyo Tower which throws it off balance and the structure collapses.

Team member #1; Darn I missed.

Team member #2; How the hell did you miss a slam?

Team member #1; I know right?

Team member #2 turns around to see another “terrorist” and a gun pointed at him. He clicks but there's no ammo to fire. Team member #2 grins and poses, ready to fight. The “terrorist” throws his weapon down and tries to act all like Bruce Lee but can't help but lose balance. They lunge at each other for hand to hand combat but it looks like two monkeys fighting over a banana by seeing who can kiss each other first. Finally, team member #2 nails a “Stamp of approval” putting the man down.

Team member #2; See, that's how it's done!

Team member #1; And none of that looked remotely gay to you?

Team member #2; Not a single bit......* shifty eyes *

The remaining “terrorists”, including the guy holding the briefcase, run into the Tokyo National Museum in hopes of hiding which seems to be what they're good at. Team member #4 sees them run in from the high ground as are seemingly gliding on a kite.

Team member #4; I GOT THEM! SRRIOUSLY!

He drops in and manages to rip something completely FOUL! A mega stinky uber dirty fart bomb. The ripples ALONE are strong enough to make the ground tremble but as soon as it reaches the inside, a gust of green smoke poofs out of the windows as hoards of people come rushing out in a huge panic, even the “terrorists” who seemingly fall to the ground dead but so much of the toxic gas was released and the Tokyo National Museum crumbles to the ground into rubble and spontaneously combusts.

Team member #1; Little too much STANK on that don'tcha think?

Team member #4; That was the plan!

Team member #3; Oh gawd I'm gonna' hurl.......

Team member #2; Calm down everybody!

Team member #1; That's right! No need to fear, Team APW Wrestling Police saved the world once again!

The crowd of people all look around in shock and awe as everything they see before them is absolutely destroyed and/or burned to the ground. Everything they know and love, everything they grew up with....gone.




Tokyo Tower – destroyed

Tsukiji Fish Market - destroyed

Tokyo National Museum – destroyed

Total Douchebaggery!

The camera pans back to show that Reaver is standing above a small studio playing with marionette puppets. He giggles to himself as Jason Kash busts in on him to see how things are going only for Reaver to scoop everything up close to his chest as if to hide any evidence that can be used against him in the future. (seems to happen a lot eh knucklehead?)

Kash; Hey jerky.....

Reaver; WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

Kash; Whoa relax! Just seeing whatcha' doing, that's all.

Reaver; KNOCK ON MY DOOR, KNOCK NEXT TIME!

Kash; Ok, ok......

Reaver; Did you see anything?

Kash; NOPE! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!

Reaver; GOOD! * shifty eyes *

Kash slams the door as he exits leaving Reaver there nervously wondering if he was serious as the scene fades. (a team america reference AND a spaceballs reference in the same promo? ALMOST impossibe.....almost....)

Reaver; HEHEHEHAHAHAHA! Fun wasn't it? Did you not like my depiction of our situation Black Hand? I figured if anybody would it would be you but if anything, I did it for Knuckles who's been ITCHING to get a piece of Madison ever since his return. Well, don't take MY word for it....listen to the man yourself.

Knuckles; Much appreciated my doll playing friend.

Reaver; SHUT UP! You were playing with dolls too!

Knuckles; Please! Who would ever believe that was ME playing with dolls? (I can't ever imagine.....)

ANYWAYS!

FINALLY! We meet for the first time, for the last time.......yea.......Chris, this has been a long time coming. It's been almost a decade since I seen you inside a wrestling ring. To the people who don't know, or seemingly care, it all began back in a place called Total Carnage Wrestling. Two men stood at the top of that organization, me as the X-Division Champion and you as the World Heavyweight Champion. Well, I did until Jason Kash came along and took it away in a series of brutal and violent matches that could only be described as......EPIC! You both looked at each other like Broke Back Mountain and became a “team”. From there you guys both ruled TCW with an iron fist.....until....

DEMON!

Ted Soul made his way through the ranks and when the time came for you to step up for the second time, you wasted absolutely no time......pissing yourself and running away like a bitch. Was it fear? Was it money? The motives, not important. What mattered was the fact that you had an amazing tag team partner in Kash and you pissed it away just like your contract, just like your title reign, and just like your pants. He ended up taking spots with the man you fled from and continued to rule with me biting the cusp of his heels every step of the way. My desire to beat Jason helped propel me to new levels and as the years went by, he saw what I had become and made amends. I became the man you couldn't EVER be. When the end of TCW came about, I did the one thing you couldn't......I put down the DEMON. I ended his reign as World Heavyweight Champion and closed the company down as it's final.

So what of you? You made your way here to Japan and what? Became a star? Pfft! I'll try not to choke on the bullshit. The years went by as Jason and I have toured all over the world doing what we do best and not a single word was heard of you or about you. Years wasted, waiting, in hopes that I might get to test what I've become against the man who should have been there all those years ago. It is you who I want Madison. Not the man seven years ago who left a dying company, who made you a star and died begging you to return but rather the man who is here now. Desperately looking for REAL competition.


That's why you came to APW wasn't it Chris? Unfortunately you went to Overdrive. The place where everybody who is your competition is too good for you to even hold up their jock strap for. And you think you can come to MY world and compete with me? Even on Asylum? GET BENT! I GAVE you that win just so I can save up for ONE NIGHT IN HELL! It sounds lame yes but hear me out. I enjoyed every second of losing the very breath that gives me life. The feeling of losing it all. That rush of excitement knowing that I won't last. I almost needed a change of underpants if ya' catch my drift!

Reaver; HEY! That was me!! HEHEHEHAHAHAHA!

Knuckles; Ya! What he said......It gave me a thrill knowing that I will have exactly what I wanted this weekend. No rules, no interference, just pure and unadulterated bloodshed from me to you. You have proven that when times get hard, when the very thing that gives you everything needs you, you turn tail and book it after taking everything it's worth with you. Seems to be the common denominator when becoming the “leader” of your little girl scout troop isn't it? Go ahead and pretend that I'M the weak link in the chain Madison. Keep thinking that I'm the reason we will lose. The reality of it all is your very own greed to steal the spotlight from those who pledged their allegiance to the same cause as you and that is where you'll fail just like you did all those years ago. I'm coming for you Chris, and I will stop at nothing until I finish what was started months ago. Just ask Stefan Raab just exactly how brutal I've become......

Speaking of which, how ya' been feelin' there Stephanie? You look like you lost a lot of weight since I seen ya' last. Oh right! I took the Suicidal Championship off of you didn't I? I almost forgot about how bad I annihilated you over the past couple months since I've been too busy shaking off loss after loss. How do you do it? Shake off those losses? I figured I'd ask the expert.....no? That's ok. I'll just come back and fight even harder then last until I get it right.

Have you learned anything yet Raab? Or are you still too busy accepting bukkake as a form of payment for not beating you up and taking your lunch money? I can only assume you're still stuck in that elementary school you call a prison and you hope to not get picked on by the 3rd graders. To each their own I suppose. I'm hoping that maybe this time around that you have something more to offer than a hand job. Worry not Raab, Kash will already be down there with us so if you wanna' see him naked a second time, I'm sure all you have to do is ask.......

Speaking of giving it up, how you doin' Niobi? Did I say that right? Meh, who cares. You won't after we drop you harder than a pimp who found a better hoe. In essence I suppose that's what you did when Knoxville left right? You found a better hoe in Madison? Or is this a game of pass the Nightmare around and see who vomits first? I never did have much respect for women in this industry. There are very few out there who earned it over the years but you.....you aren't good enough to lick the sweat off my nut sack. You have done nothing to show me or the rest of the world you belong in the same league as me. I have no problem hurting you Niobi, I hurt people and I will certainly enjoy making you bleed a lot more often than once a month.

I suppose that leaves Jennings. A man I thought would be ruling his domain only to bend over for Madison to run by and take it from him. Notice the bad blood I have for Chris? Anyways Mike, I never really bothered to see you in action. The little that I've seen wasn't worth it for me to care enough to see more. I will say that I was certainly impressed with that huge win over Biggs. Way to leave it all in the ring right? There's nothing like a good old fashioned cheap victory but I suppose that comes with the territory. I bet you never realized that you would ever step foot in a ring against high class names like the Space Cowboys let alone beat one of them. You will soon realize that in this business, luck can only bring you so far.

I guess I shouldn't overlook anybody in this match. There's a rule, anybody can beat anybody on any given day. Raab proved that by becoming Suicidal Champ after beating Kaylyn James Evans. Each of you standing across from me have the potential to become THE top talent in this business, in this industry. There inlies the problem. Not one of you even give a rats ass about this sport do you? How many of you would give it all up so that APW might survive just a little longer? How many of you would give life and limb for your brand?

FOUL PLAY can say that....

SPACE COWBOYS can say that.....

You picked a fight with four of the most dedicated men this company has ever seen. Four men who have bled for years to give arrogant pricks like you the opportunity to accept handouts which is what you've all been given. Handed win after win, title after title, ass whooping after ass whooping. It's a real shame that your luck has run out because the four men who stand across from you come ONE NIGHT IN HELL have spent more than a single night sacrificing our lives to hold up the company in which you shit all over. You don't honestly expect to get away with it do you?

Reaver; HEHEHEHAHAHA!! You said shit.....

Knuckles; You won't be facing ordinary men, you will be facing men who have something to fight for. Not something any of you have which in essence gives US the true advantage. For years, I sat back and watched Gates and Biggs tare it up on Overdrive, hoping to follow in their footsteps for Asylum and I'd like to think Jason and I achieved that. If there was ever a group of men to give you “on the job training” then look no further than the pinnacle of APW in FOUL PLAY and SPACE COWBOYS. Can either of you say that as individuals? Can either of you say that as a team?

NO!

This pay per view will be nothing more than the beginning of the end for Blackhand. So while you guys lay there covered in blood from head to toe, you will realize that hell lasts a lot longer than one night. You will finally see that when it comes to Blackhand.....