Post by Evan De Parker on Mar 10, 2014 5:00:04 GMT -4
feb.16.fourteen9:08am
”This is what you want?”
”Yeah.”
”That was a question.”
”I know. I said yeah.”
”Doesn’t sound like an answer.”
”I’m gonna make the call.”
”What if they tell you that you can’t?”
”Why would they?”
”Ha. Look at the place we’re talking about here… they love telling you no.”
”I feel like this is different.”
”Why?”
”They owe me this.”
”Owe you? Haha, bold, babe. What makes you say that?”
”I gave them everything.”
”A ton of people did. That’s the business. You go out there… you leave it there…”
”My everything’s a little bit different.”
”Oh, yeah?”
”Ha. Yeah. My everything’s better.”
feb.28.fourteen10:03am
My name’s Aubrey J. Parker.
One of the last things I ever wanted to do was hurt my friend-- at one point, my strongest and most solid friend in this business, Logan. But that’s exactly what I ended up doing, and it was out of spite. It was over something that we could’ve discussed over a cup of coffee or something. But instead, I went after him as maliciously as I could. I tried to have him shelved. I tried to hurt the man that taught me how to hurt people.
And if you ask me, it was as appropriate a time as any to think about this kind of thing. I was standing in the shower, eyes closed and back pressed against the cool tile wall which was beginning to grow warmer with each passing moment in the heat. It was too comfortable, ha. I didn’t deserve it. So I kept trying to work up the will to move through the near-scalding scream and reach for the dial to crank the water to… I don’t know… as hot as the shower would allow me to turn it.
That never happened though. I would usually get an arm through the stream and then recoil.
”I hurt him.”
And even if nobody was around to hear it, that’s what made it seem real. Hearing myself say it, and hearing it bounce back with nowhere else to go.
I had the house to myself. Cassandra’s visits had become fewer throughout the weeks, and Talon was already out of the house, on the road, hurriedly doing what he could to make it through the day’s errands. I strolled over the hardwood floors barefoot, hugging the olive-colored robe tightly against myself.
Clink. Clink.
”What the hell?”
I don’t remember what I had prepared to do after hearing the jingling and rattling of pots and pans. I took a few steps back and retreated into my room, substituting the robe for a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt belonging to Talon, advertising some sort of beer that I could neither pronounce nor confirm as legitimate. Within twenty seconds, I was right back out of the bedroom, making a beeline for the spiraling steps that led toward the lower level.
”Hellooo?”
I’d led to the bottom of the stairs, prepared to accept the noise as a false alarm, until--
Clink. Clink.
I strode across the floor, wasting no time rounding the corner into the kitchen. Granted, I was completely unprepared and would’ve been shit out of luck had there been a real threat, but speak of the devil, a small gasp of surprise escaped my throat. Standing before me was the calm posture of one Cassandra McPherson. She didn’t even turn in my direction, maneuvering through my pantry as if she’d staked claim to some of the items in there ages ago.
”Well, about time. I thought you were trying to defy the odds and cause the next drought.”
”Holy shit. How long have you--?”
”About a half hour. I was alarmingly behind in getting the good news, but you understand, I got here as fast as I possibly could.”
Guilt. I gave Cassandra this look like I’d just run over her kitten or dropped her baby or something. I didn’t even need to open my mouth because my face said it all: in the midst of my “transition period”, I’d completely tuned her out, and I was rapidly made aware.
”Don’t even worry about it. It’s better that you’re staying busy anyway.”
”It’s no excuse. I…”
My eyes drifted past Cassandra and away from the pantry, toward the sink where the clamoring of utensils had come from. I noticed the pile of cleaned dishes, stacked neatly on the drying rack. For some reason, I don’t think my lips ever really curled back into a smile.
”Were you doing my dishes?”
”Oh! Ha. Just thought I’d lend a hand. I know how hard things have bee--”
”Cass.”
She sighed, but couldn’t suppress the smallest smile that discovered her face. Her arms crossed over her simple, yet flattering warm-colored garb, she gave me a knowing nod.
”Talon told me about it. With you being in recovery and everything, he thinks you need some help with the basic stuff because-- you know. Endgame.”
”I’ll vomit if we have to coin it as ‘Endgame’, Cassandra.”
”It’s something that the fans will respond to! They’ll hear that name and they’ll immediately associate it with Logan Alexander versus Aubrey J. Parker. Maybe we’ll even create a shirt just for the arena that’s like… I WAS THERE, or something to that effect. That’s what the young guys out here wanna--”
”I wanted him gone. For a really long time…”
She didn’t say anything immediately, not that I blamed her for it. She’d drifted away from the pantry altogether and was now leaned against the island, supporting herself upward by her elbows, giving me this look that could better be described as fascination. I was getting ready to turn, marching back up toward my bedroom to find the proper wardrobe when she called out:
”I think everyone knows you did.”
I paused. I hesitated. But I kept going.
”Wanted to prove that I could get the big one without help from him.”
”You did.”
I smiled slightly. ”He ruined it at Test for the Best. Ruined… when I should’ve had my moment, standing tall over CJ Gates… someone he wasn’t able to put away, even with Evan in his corner… I told myself I hated him for that. I was embarrassed and I thought that it was just easier to say fuck Logan and act like he wasn’t-- like he didn’t even exist to me.”
”You don’t put hits on people that don’t exist.”
I may have visibly jolted at the accusation, but I played it off with a nonchalant laughter.
”I said it was easier. I didn’t say that’s what I did.”
”I watched, you know…”
”Oh. Here we go.”
”You’re lucky that you’ve had somebody that tolerates you enough to come back and go three rounds with your crazy ass…”
I chuckled and angled my head toward Cassandra, responding in a matter-of-fact tone.
”He’s not gonna let his hometown crowd down. He doesn’t have it in him. I don’t think anybody in this business does. Especially on a stage like that, with stakes like this… he’s got an Undisputed Title shot--”
”...which I hear you were adamant about.”
I smiled a little, glancing into the living room, looking through the darkness where I knew the APW Undisputed Championship was lying. I could make out its shape but that was the extent of it. Warmth.
”I thought he deserved it. After all he’s done, and after all he’s fought for, why doesn’t Logan Alexander get something like... a break?”
And I think that was the last time for a few hours-- maybe a couple of days-- that Cassandra and I discussed him.
jul.14.twelve2:03pm
”And what if he doesn’t pick up?”
”He will.”
”You can’t be sure. He hasn’t done this in a while, anyway… and he doesn’t have to come back for you.”
”I’m dialing.”
”If you really wanted to pay him back for all of his help, then you’d leave him alone and you’d sign a contract in Action Packed Wrestling by yourself. You’d build a name for yourself without him and… hell, that’s like, the typical mentor’s dream come true, right?”
Surrounded by my previous, Oakland-based quarters, I turned to Cassandra, phone pressed to my ear and gave her my best rendition of an innocent wink, continuing with ”it’s ringing.”
”Just remember… even if he does sign on, it’s not like these things always last forever. You know how this sport goes--”
”Pessimist!”
”Realist!”
And that’s when I stopped. Cassandra could hear the familiar click of the phone being pulled from the receiver from where she sat, feet away on the corner of the bed and the grumbling voice that followed.
”Logan. It’s Aubrey.”
mar.8.fourteen7:10pm
”It’s been a long time since we’ve really talked.
We’ve had a lot of chances. I know. I kind of fucked that up. What can I say?
I… well… I know we’ve made up since everything happened, and since we were fighting through Hell just to do what it seemed like was making it by. And, for the record, I never wanted to feel like we were just making it by, Logan. I never wanted to feel like we were scraping or scratching, but that’s what we ended up having to do around here. That’s what made the New Sindicate what it was.
It wasn’t successful, and maybe not everybody walked away from it with a healthy relationship, but we always had a reason to fight. We always had a reason to try to prove everybody wrong, and grow stronger, and get better… and there were these moments where I really felt like they were trying to fucking tear us apart. There was NEVER a time, even when I was on top of the world, where I ever felt like we were gonna get a break.
I blamed you a lot.
I always thought that maybe if you weren’t my tag team partner, then things would come easier for me. There-- I said it. I thought things like that, and I had the audacity to wonder… but I never had any desire to act on it. I never wanted to be in APW with anybody but you, Logan. It was always either you, or just Aubrey J. Parker all by herself.
You saw how things worked out with Terry, right? We nearly fucking murdered each other over the Undisputed Title that we’re fighting for. We nearly took each other out of commission in front of thousands of people that night, and I couldn’t even get to my feet by the time the referee handed me the Undisputed Championship… but the moment I held it in my arms...
…
You’ve had that feeling before. You’ve held onto that, and you can understand that it’s something that I don’t ever want to lose. I’m always gonna have the most abnormally rock-solid grip you could imagine on that Undisputed Title. It’s… it’s gonna die with me when APW closes its doors after March 30th.
I bled, and I cried, and I took years from my own life to secure that title in the first place, and since October when Jeff told us all that APW was taking a hike, I’ve guarded it like it was my baby. I’ve always been willing to cross any line… for my baby… and there isn’t a thing in the world that stops me from doing that when we meet on the 28th.
I needed this match because I needed to show you that you were successful.
You came to APW to help me. That was what you said. And I knew that our deal was that we were a team… and I knew you’d get back into the groove, and you’d find your own way within months-- that’s just what happens in this business, and I think it’s beautiful. I think it’s great.
But it's not gonna be enough to wrestle my Undisputed Title away from me. Despite the fact that I'll be drowning in a sea of hate from the city you grew up in on the day that Action dies, I'm going to fight like it's the last time... because it might be the last time. But you'll know that I was the best, and you'll know that you had something to do with it. Find solace in that. Shake my hand. And fight me.
As hard as you can."
fin.
”This is what you want?”
”Yeah.”
”That was a question.”
”I know. I said yeah.”
”Doesn’t sound like an answer.”
”I’m gonna make the call.”
”What if they tell you that you can’t?”
”Why would they?”
”Ha. Look at the place we’re talking about here… they love telling you no.”
”I feel like this is different.”
”Why?”
”They owe me this.”
”Owe you? Haha, bold, babe. What makes you say that?”
”I gave them everything.”
”A ton of people did. That’s the business. You go out there… you leave it there…”
”My everything’s a little bit different.”
”Oh, yeah?”
”Ha. Yeah. My everything’s better.”
you know i’m bad at communication
feb.28.fourteen10:03am
My name’s Aubrey J. Parker.
One of the last things I ever wanted to do was hurt my friend-- at one point, my strongest and most solid friend in this business, Logan. But that’s exactly what I ended up doing, and it was out of spite. It was over something that we could’ve discussed over a cup of coffee or something. But instead, I went after him as maliciously as I could. I tried to have him shelved. I tried to hurt the man that taught me how to hurt people.
And if you ask me, it was as appropriate a time as any to think about this kind of thing. I was standing in the shower, eyes closed and back pressed against the cool tile wall which was beginning to grow warmer with each passing moment in the heat. It was too comfortable, ha. I didn’t deserve it. So I kept trying to work up the will to move through the near-scalding scream and reach for the dial to crank the water to… I don’t know… as hot as the shower would allow me to turn it.
That never happened though. I would usually get an arm through the stream and then recoil.
”I hurt him.”
And even if nobody was around to hear it, that’s what made it seem real. Hearing myself say it, and hearing it bounce back with nowhere else to go.
I had the house to myself. Cassandra’s visits had become fewer throughout the weeks, and Talon was already out of the house, on the road, hurriedly doing what he could to make it through the day’s errands. I strolled over the hardwood floors barefoot, hugging the olive-colored robe tightly against myself.
Clink. Clink.
”What the hell?”
I don’t remember what I had prepared to do after hearing the jingling and rattling of pots and pans. I took a few steps back and retreated into my room, substituting the robe for a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt belonging to Talon, advertising some sort of beer that I could neither pronounce nor confirm as legitimate. Within twenty seconds, I was right back out of the bedroom, making a beeline for the spiraling steps that led toward the lower level.
”Hellooo?”
I’d led to the bottom of the stairs, prepared to accept the noise as a false alarm, until--
Clink. Clink.
I strode across the floor, wasting no time rounding the corner into the kitchen. Granted, I was completely unprepared and would’ve been shit out of luck had there been a real threat, but speak of the devil, a small gasp of surprise escaped my throat. Standing before me was the calm posture of one Cassandra McPherson. She didn’t even turn in my direction, maneuvering through my pantry as if she’d staked claim to some of the items in there ages ago.
”Well, about time. I thought you were trying to defy the odds and cause the next drought.”
”Holy shit. How long have you--?”
”About a half hour. I was alarmingly behind in getting the good news, but you understand, I got here as fast as I possibly could.”
Guilt. I gave Cassandra this look like I’d just run over her kitten or dropped her baby or something. I didn’t even need to open my mouth because my face said it all: in the midst of my “transition period”, I’d completely tuned her out, and I was rapidly made aware.
”Don’t even worry about it. It’s better that you’re staying busy anyway.”
”It’s no excuse. I…”
My eyes drifted past Cassandra and away from the pantry, toward the sink where the clamoring of utensils had come from. I noticed the pile of cleaned dishes, stacked neatly on the drying rack. For some reason, I don’t think my lips ever really curled back into a smile.
”Were you doing my dishes?”
”Oh! Ha. Just thought I’d lend a hand. I know how hard things have bee--”
”Cass.”
She sighed, but couldn’t suppress the smallest smile that discovered her face. Her arms crossed over her simple, yet flattering warm-colored garb, she gave me a knowing nod.
”Talon told me about it. With you being in recovery and everything, he thinks you need some help with the basic stuff because-- you know. Endgame.”
”I’ll vomit if we have to coin it as ‘Endgame’, Cassandra.”
”It’s something that the fans will respond to! They’ll hear that name and they’ll immediately associate it with Logan Alexander versus Aubrey J. Parker. Maybe we’ll even create a shirt just for the arena that’s like… I WAS THERE, or something to that effect. That’s what the young guys out here wanna--”
”I wanted him gone. For a really long time…”
She didn’t say anything immediately, not that I blamed her for it. She’d drifted away from the pantry altogether and was now leaned against the island, supporting herself upward by her elbows, giving me this look that could better be described as fascination. I was getting ready to turn, marching back up toward my bedroom to find the proper wardrobe when she called out:
”I think everyone knows you did.”
I paused. I hesitated. But I kept going.
”Wanted to prove that I could get the big one without help from him.”
”You did.”
I smiled slightly. ”He ruined it at Test for the Best. Ruined… when I should’ve had my moment, standing tall over CJ Gates… someone he wasn’t able to put away, even with Evan in his corner… I told myself I hated him for that. I was embarrassed and I thought that it was just easier to say fuck Logan and act like he wasn’t-- like he didn’t even exist to me.”
”You don’t put hits on people that don’t exist.”
I may have visibly jolted at the accusation, but I played it off with a nonchalant laughter.
”I said it was easier. I didn’t say that’s what I did.”
”I watched, you know…”
”Oh. Here we go.”
”You’re lucky that you’ve had somebody that tolerates you enough to come back and go three rounds with your crazy ass…”
I chuckled and angled my head toward Cassandra, responding in a matter-of-fact tone.
”He’s not gonna let his hometown crowd down. He doesn’t have it in him. I don’t think anybody in this business does. Especially on a stage like that, with stakes like this… he’s got an Undisputed Title shot--”
”...which I hear you were adamant about.”
I smiled a little, glancing into the living room, looking through the darkness where I knew the APW Undisputed Championship was lying. I could make out its shape but that was the extent of it. Warmth.
”I thought he deserved it. After all he’s done, and after all he’s fought for, why doesn’t Logan Alexander get something like... a break?”
And I think that was the last time for a few hours-- maybe a couple of days-- that Cassandra and I discussed him.
jul.14.twelve2:03pm
”And what if he doesn’t pick up?”
”He will.”
”You can’t be sure. He hasn’t done this in a while, anyway… and he doesn’t have to come back for you.”
”I’m dialing.”
”If you really wanted to pay him back for all of his help, then you’d leave him alone and you’d sign a contract in Action Packed Wrestling by yourself. You’d build a name for yourself without him and… hell, that’s like, the typical mentor’s dream come true, right?”
Surrounded by my previous, Oakland-based quarters, I turned to Cassandra, phone pressed to my ear and gave her my best rendition of an innocent wink, continuing with ”it’s ringing.”
”Just remember… even if he does sign on, it’s not like these things always last forever. You know how this sport goes--”
”Pessimist!”
”Realist!”
And that’s when I stopped. Cassandra could hear the familiar click of the phone being pulled from the receiver from where she sat, feet away on the corner of the bed and the grumbling voice that followed.
”Logan. It’s Aubrey.”
i fumbled when it came down to the wire
mar.8.fourteen7:10pm
”It’s been a long time since we’ve really talked.
We’ve had a lot of chances. I know. I kind of fucked that up. What can I say?
I… well… I know we’ve made up since everything happened, and since we were fighting through Hell just to do what it seemed like was making it by. And, for the record, I never wanted to feel like we were just making it by, Logan. I never wanted to feel like we were scraping or scratching, but that’s what we ended up having to do around here. That’s what made the New Sindicate what it was.
It wasn’t successful, and maybe not everybody walked away from it with a healthy relationship, but we always had a reason to fight. We always had a reason to try to prove everybody wrong, and grow stronger, and get better… and there were these moments where I really felt like they were trying to fucking tear us apart. There was NEVER a time, even when I was on top of the world, where I ever felt like we were gonna get a break.
I blamed you a lot.
I always thought that maybe if you weren’t my tag team partner, then things would come easier for me. There-- I said it. I thought things like that, and I had the audacity to wonder… but I never had any desire to act on it. I never wanted to be in APW with anybody but you, Logan. It was always either you, or just Aubrey J. Parker all by herself.
You saw how things worked out with Terry, right? We nearly fucking murdered each other over the Undisputed Title that we’re fighting for. We nearly took each other out of commission in front of thousands of people that night, and I couldn’t even get to my feet by the time the referee handed me the Undisputed Championship… but the moment I held it in my arms...
…
You’ve had that feeling before. You’ve held onto that, and you can understand that it’s something that I don’t ever want to lose. I’m always gonna have the most abnormally rock-solid grip you could imagine on that Undisputed Title. It’s… it’s gonna die with me when APW closes its doors after March 30th.
I bled, and I cried, and I took years from my own life to secure that title in the first place, and since October when Jeff told us all that APW was taking a hike, I’ve guarded it like it was my baby. I’ve always been willing to cross any line… for my baby… and there isn’t a thing in the world that stops me from doing that when we meet on the 28th.
I needed this match because I needed to show you that you were successful.
You came to APW to help me. That was what you said. And I knew that our deal was that we were a team… and I knew you’d get back into the groove, and you’d find your own way within months-- that’s just what happens in this business, and I think it’s beautiful. I think it’s great.
But it's not gonna be enough to wrestle my Undisputed Title away from me. Despite the fact that I'll be drowning in a sea of hate from the city you grew up in on the day that Action dies, I'm going to fight like it's the last time... because it might be the last time. But you'll know that I was the best, and you'll know that you had something to do with it. Find solace in that. Shake my hand. And fight me.
As hard as you can."
fin.
