Post by Delikado on Jun 14, 2015 23:58:39 GMT -4
Charlotte, North Carolina
The scene opens right up with Delikado, slightly older and grayer, walking through aisles of people. We see that he has set up a small “HQ”, with mixed flags of Cuba and APW fluttering in the wind, outside the perimeter of the city. The people around him look on in awe and stuff as Da Bawse approaches what appears to be a miniature model of a wrestling ring (though honestly it looks like some fine china with pieces of string lazily strewn around it in a circle). Inside it are small human replicas. Upon closer inspection by the camera, we find they’re actually Barbie dolls that have been dressed up to look like Evan Envi, Shane Borderland, and Delikado himself. The Cuban reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of mini replica tables, ladders, and chairs. After giving the toys a scan, Delikado silently drops them among the miniature wrestling ring. With further silence, Delikado takes hold of a gasoline can that has been held before him, and he pours it out onto the figure. When that’s done, he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a cigar. The Cuban lights it with a mere snap of his finger (LIKE A BAWSE) takes a few puffs, and then holds out the cigar above the gas-soaked model.
Delikado: The Wrestling Gods have summoned Delikado back to the ring, his adoring legions of fans and admirers and hopeful baby mamas have come forth in solidified oaths of loyalty to Delikado in his victory for the match in said ring, and thus in return, the Cuban Warrior offers up this sacrifice of Little Timmy’s model of the Action Packed Wrestling ring.
Cut to little Timmy lying on the floor bound and slightly banged up.
Little Timmy: That’s my Mom’s fine china, and those are my Dad’s valuable GI Joe action figures in mint condition! Please don’t burn them, Deli, or I’ll be grounded!
Delikado: Someone ground Little Timmy by punching his face into the mud!
A few people walk over to the defenseless Little Timmy and follow the order, pushing the boy’s face into some mud, shutting him up good-like. Satisfied his will is done, Delikado twirls the smoking cigar.
Delikado: This is the perfect offering to wrestling, to cement Delikado’s in…CREDIBLE victory against Evan Envi and Shane Borderland. LET’S DO THIS!!
Delikad drops the cigar onto the gas-covered plate and sets it up in a blaze--one that quickly grows far greater in size than perhaps anyone expected. It might frighten others, but not the man with Cuban fire coursing in his Cuban veins…of fire…yes. Delikado spins around and steps forward, the clicking of his robot-leg echoing with each step and giving him an ominous effect.
Oh, you didn’t know? Delikado’s right leg is now a “robo-leg” (or an artificial limb if you want “realism” in your gopher love story).
Delikado: *This* is what is beneficial! *This* return of Delikado to this APW Reunion show is what wrestling hitches its wagon to!
Delikado walks amongst the people, getting their motivation going as passion burns in his eyes just as greatly as it is in the fine china Little Timmy’s mom expects to use for a dinner tonight and shall be fuming batshit mad about toward Little Timmy when she doesn’t find it.
Delikado: At first, many thought because Delikado was from an exotic land across the sea, he was of too-low birth to earn a top place in wrestling, but he HAS PROVEN THEM WRONG! SO. WRONG! This is “Tables, Ladders, and Chairs!” CHAIRS! Delikado takes them from the asses of people, and uses them as a weapon! Only a man blessed by the Wrestling Gods could have such power to take away the mortal tool for sitting from the masses…and then give it back to his opponents TENFOLD!
And tables? The Wrestling Gods don’t just put ANY man in a match with tables! No, no, they do not! Because tables? Tables are where you sit and eat! Where you do your taxes! Where you choose NOT to do your taxes, Wesley Snipes! Tables are a cornerstone of this business, NAY, THE WORLD…and Delikado now stands to use them for his pleasure, on the field of battle against Evan and Borderland.
And then there’s the ladder. The dear, delicious ladders. No one quite knows what they do, what their purpose is in this world the Wrestling Gods made on the day of the first wrestling show ever in Kentucky in 1563, but it is that majesty, that wonderment, that utter dumbness in your being, that makes their insertion in a match elevate said match to a whole other caliber. The likes of which intimidates lesser wrestlers, and sends DOOKIE out of the butt and down the leg of fans such a yourselves!
Man: I’ve got dookie! I dookie all the time!
Delikado grabs the man on both sides of his face and shakes him.
Delikado: Damn it, man, you dookie to your heart’s contentment! But never take your eyes away from the ring in order to examine your dookie-butt, lest you miss Delikado in action, in utter selflessness waging battle, WAR…on the wrestling world’s behalf!
Man: Never! Ahhh *swoons*
Delikado casually drops the man and keeps marching.
Delikado: Delikado’s not afraid, because he knows that if you want wrestling brilliance, if you want to see a warrior, and you want to see APW’s best, you’ll look to TLC, and from there Delikado knows you’ll see only ONE…in infamy!
He spins around with a great flourish and points to the burning china, where the Delikado figure stands among the flames, seemingly untouched, while the other figures of Envi and Borderland burn. The mini tables, ladders, and chairs? They burn too. Only the Delikado Barbie doll remains in clear and apparent “victory.”
Delikado: It’s a fight for the future! APW’s loyalty is at Delikado’s back, because APW’s finest always looked out for him, always believed in him, always gave him the best locker-rooms! Hell, one of Delikado’s opponents in the TLC was just such a person who supported and backed him, back in the League Times—Evan Envi. A familiar face, no longer familiar.
No, no, not familiar at all. See, he no longer welcomes Delikado to his house for food and crazy fun times! Here’s a story to enforce Delikado’s point: The very last time Delikado offered Evan Envi the chance to go poach the local zoo for a midnight munchy run, did Envi go and partake with Delikado of the delicacies? NAY! He said it was “WRONG” to eat the sea otters, “IN VERY BAD TASTE” to gobble up the lion cubs, and “UTTERLY HORRIFYING” to even imagine chomping down half of the last white rhino and then putting the leftovers in the fridge to put on some toasted whole grain bread at a later time! Whole grain white rhino! DELICIOUS!! Delikado’s thinking he’ll even bring some to the APW Reunion after party and let the rest of the roster taste and give their input, which will be “CHA, GIMME MORE-O-DAT, MY N-WORD!!”
It won’t be negotiation time—that day has passed, if it existed AT ALL! EnviKado is lost in the APW of old, and this Reunion? It’s about the APW of NEW, of the FUTURE! And that’s EXACTLY what Delikado has been doing for himself and his Cuban legacy since this company originally fell into the hibernation that has since passed. WIFE!
The people turn, many of them surprised, to see a small, 20-something-year-old girl, heavily pregnant and in a flowing dress. She walks up to Delikado, extending a delicate hand that the Cuban grips while his other hand firmly strokes the girl’s stomach.
Delikado: Delikado’s wife, Angela Death, pregnant with Delikado’s son. A SON! FOR ME…and also all of YOU! APW’s future Champion and wrestling’s future LEADER is nestled in this belly! It is a FACT! He is a hybrid of the best NOT-Delikado and the ONLY Delikado in existence, thus you know his emergence will signal a whole new history for mankind! Now, maybe you’re thinking “Delikado, a NOT-Delikado can’t possibly do good when mixed with your sexy genes” and to that Delikado would’ve agreed…AT ONE TIME! But Delikado was redirected in his viewpoint by the dreams, the visions, the voices of the Wrestling Gods echoing in his head, and he now knows for a FACT that this union will bring about a transformation for GOOD! It will be Delikado’s LEGACY carried on in time eternal! The groundwork has been set already, but the TLC will solidify a pedestal, a leg upon which shall rest the throne that Delikado’s son shall sit upon in the years ahead as APW’s Champion.
In the heat of passion the Cuban kisses his wife and then takes a big ol sniff of her hair to a sitcom level “OOOOOOOOOH” from the crowd. When that’s done, Delikado passes his wife off to some nurses to guide her away so he can get back to doing his thing.
Delikado: Oh…Oh those years will be beautiful, and kind. But you know who the years have NOT been kind to? The answer is the other rival to Delikado in the TLC throne leg, Shane Borderland. Now, he is an APW figure, a fighter of his own differing values and “merits” just like Evan, but he is just a paladin to a part of APW that has no place in Delikado’s APW! He talks in outdated and weird-o ways, and his ring work never fared much better. Nonetheless, he has appeared on the field of battle versus this Cuban’s fire, and therefore he will be ground under Delikado’s robo-leg as a consequence. A necessary consequence of opposing the delicious future in store for this company, and just picturing it now give Delikado THE biggest of chubs in his tights—it fuels Delikado’s fire to picture the heads that will roll in the hurricane winds summoned by Delikado’s Last Call to Cuba, and why would it NOT for the REST of you?! It’s a harvest that begins in summer, carries forth to the fall, and jacks ALL your SHIT up come winter…LIKE A GODDAMN WHITE WALKER INVASION! It’s time to go forth, and it’s time to fight. The TLC calls! The future calls! THE WRESTLING GODS CALL!!
And Delikado shall answer them…WITH TRIUMPH!!!
The Cuban hoists his fist into the air and roars a mighty roar as the fire in the fine china suddenly spreads to a tent in the background…and carries on burning stuff without anyone seemingly noticing or caring.
Delikado: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Delikado: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—
Delikado: BE QUIET!!!
Cut to black.
