Post by Your JESUS on Dec 19, 2008 22:41:52 GMT -4
The trailers that the APW use to haul equipment across the country are parked in the arena parking lot. Workers are pulling out the crates and case out of these trailers in the attempt to prepare the arena for APW's last show of the year. Christmas Chaos is around the corner, and people are geared up for the show. Just then an Orlando police car comes flying into the parking lot. It slides sideways into a parking spot. Out of the car steps Sabur, and his Lil Dick.
Lil Dick: Whew...we made it.
Sabur: Yeah and with time to spare.
The two make their way inside the building. As the door shuts behind them Sabur looks down at his little friend.
Sabur: I'm glad we are here early...I could use a fucking nap.
Lil Dick: Yeah...better get some rest before the title defense.
They then hook a left, and walk into the locker room of Sabur. The big man lays down on the couch, letting out a sigh of relief.
Lil Dick: Hey, I'm going to checkout the arena, see you in a bit.
Sabur: Yeah...I'll be here napping.
The big mans eyes close, and his mind wonders off. The giant monster of the APW snores, and is awoken by the clanging sounds of chains. Sabur sits up, looking around. Just then from the shadows of the corner walks John Green. Chains draped around his neck, and his skin pale.
Sabur: John Green...what the fuck are you doing here?
Green: Saaabbbuurrr. I come with a message....ooohhahhaww.
Sabur: What the fuck was that.
Green: It was supposed to be a scary creepy noise.
Sabur: You suck at that...almost as bad as you suck at wrestling.
Green: Fuck off...listen...I have come to warn you. You must at all costs retain your title.
Sabur: Well I plan to...but why at all costs must I.
Green: You will fall into the APW world title curse...I walk around carrying these heavy chains forever...and living with the shame of being a one hit wonder champion....the same is in store for YOU....if you do not retain.
Green points a finger at the champ. Sabur looks around, then chuckles a bit.
Sabur: Listen Green, first you suck...second you act like a bitch...third I doubt you are even a dude...secretly down there I'm positive you have a slit.
Green: What...uhhh. no way.
Sabur: Alright, for shits and giggles let say when you walked in here you had male genitalia. After spewing that load of shit out of your mouth...I'm am sure your penis must have split in half and curled under tucking itself inside.
Green: You know what Sabur...I'm just trying to warn you about your fate.
Sabur lunges up from the couch. He clotheslines Green to the ground.
Sabur: That is the name we do not speak..
Green: Not Phate...fate..
Sabur: It's all the same.
Sabur then grabs Green by his collar, opens the door, and kicks him right in his ass out of the room. Sabur then goes back to the couch to try to go back to sleep. The big man once again drifts off to snoozville which by the way is the exact location of John Greens promos, coincidence, I think not. The Irish Hammer once again is awoken from his nap by a noise. This noise was more like the one that accompanies the ground shaking. Just then the door flings open to his locker room. In walks a large figure. Sabur looks at the man trying to figure out where he had seen him before.
Sabur: Earthquake....what are you doing here...wait a minute aren't you dead.
Earthquake: Listen...I am the Ghost of Christmas Chaos past.
Sabur: You wrestled for APW...at a Christmas Chaos before.
Earthquake: Listen...APW isn't the first fed to have a Christmas Chaos, but enough about me...I'm here for you. Now let us go check out a few things.
Sabur stands, and follows Earthquake out to the hallway. They walk down open a door, and there is a filled High School gym. Wrestling mats on the ground, filled bleachers, and load of young high school wrestlers. Sabur looks over and sees a young man sitting on the bench.
Sabur: Whoa....thats me.
Earthquake: Yep a young man filled with so much joy...so much aspiration...ready to take on the world. Look up there, what do you see.
Sabur: The APW talent scout that came to check me out. I remember this day. It was the greatest day of my life. The day they offered me a start in the business, a contract with APW.
Earthquake: Yeah...now look over there...whats that.
Sabur: That's the college scouts that were trying to recruit me for their wrestling teams.
Earthquake: Yes sir....you shit one door to walk through another... imagine your life had you gotten a college education. So when you loose the title later on to either Trevor or Dr. Matt you can have a career to fall back on. Look up in the stands, all the way at the top.
Sabur: Hoy shit...I didn't realize Honky Tonk Man, and Marty Jennety were there. That is so cool, they were fans of mine before I was even big.
Earthquake: Yeah well lets follow then after the wrestling meet.
The two follow the Honky Tonk Man to the back office in the school cafeteria. The man grabs a trash can on wheels, and a vacuum. He loads up his janitor cart and begins trolling the halls of the school.
Sabur: Honky Tonk is a janitor...fuck that sucks.
Earthquake: Yep...he had no education, all he could do is shake his hips like a horrible Elvis, and swings a guitar at people. The guy's a fucking mess.
They then follow Marty to an Olive Garden. The former Rocker puts on his white apron and heads to the back. The former superstar is now main eventing the dishes washing duties of your favorite pasta joint.
Sabur: Dude...I think I'm going to be sick...a fucking Rocker...that is all because Shawn Michaels threw him into the window of Brutus's Barber Shop.
Earthquake: No...had mister Jennety gotten an education...he may have a better job then steam cleaning the dishes at the Garden after an all you can eat pasta night. Speaking of Brutus...would you like to see his life.
Sabur: No...no...I have had enough...I should have gotten an education instead of signing a million dollar contract with APW. I should be in class right now instead of headlining a sell out crowd, and walking into a match as the world champion. I should be struggling to get money instead of having three bank accounts plum full of money.
The two are magically back in Sabur's locker room. The Irish Hammer looks at the dead wrestler Earthquake.
Sabur: Dude...seriously what a waste of time. I can't believe you traveled from the grave to waste my fucking time. Dude...I'm a champion...thee champion. I'm not some gimmick wrestler like Honky. I'm not some career ending tag team champion like Marty Jennety, and I 'm surely no fat fuck like your self with no talent or skill except for sitting on people. Please Earthquake...your worse then John Green, at least he was a champion...thee champion like myself...not some jobbed out fat fuck. Now get the fuck outta here...I need to finish my nap.
Earthquake leaves the locker room. Sabur lays back down, and closes his eyes. Just as he does, smoke fills the room. Eerie music begins to play. Sabur sits up, looks around rather disgusted.
Sabur: Dude...I'm trying to get some rest. What the fuck.
Just then a booming voice is heard.
"Ahhh Boss...show some respect for a legend"
Just then the seven foot tall Andre the Giant walks into the room.
Sabur: Great another fat fuck...jesus Christ.
Andre: Listen...Boss...I'm the Ghost of C...
Sabur: Let me guess Christmas Chaos of the present...listen Andre...your great and all, but I have a hell of a match later. I mean this isn't like wrestling when you were around...I mean this shit gets pretty brutal.So I'm looking to catch some zzz's. I recently had a brawl at Disney World, got locked in jail. Broke out, stole a cop car, and drove all night to get here. All I want is a nap. So spare me the Christmas Chaos of the present. Walk out of here, tell who ever is next to come in and I'll swear you did a great job. Sound like a deal.
Andre: Alright Boss...just remember to respect the legends of the business.
Sabur: Yeah, yeah...got it.
Andre leaves the locker room shutting the door behind him.
Sabur: Fuck me...the only thing that smells worse then a frenchmen....is a dead frenchmen...whhheeeeww!
Sabur then sits there waiting for the door to open again. It does, and in walks another large man.
Sabur: The Big Show...
Show: Actually...you can't call me that...WWE owns that name and all intellectual property associated with it.
Sabur: Whoa...do you always spit when you talk.
Show: Yeah, sort of, it's my gimmick.
Sabur: Oh, I thought being a huge mongoloid with no talent inside the ring was your gimmick.
Show: Nice...I see we are dealing with a class act smart ass.
Sabur: So I didn't realize you died.
Show: I didn't...but I am here to show you the...
Sabur: Future...yeah, yeah...come on. I got a nap to take, but for some reason I keep getting interrupted.
Show: Listen Sabur there are many things to learn on this evening. Much wisdom sent your way.
Sabur: Yeah, like watch my diet, or I will end up like you sad sacks overweight, and to big to move around in the ring.
Show: Grrhhh...listen big man. This business is serious and can have serious repercussions on your life.....
[color-red]The Big Show continues on. He rants and raves toward Sabur. The Irish Hammer looks at his watch, and begins tapping his foot. The Big Show doesn't seem to get the clue that Sabur wants him to wrap up the last segment of his Christmas Carol. Sabur then stands up looking at the Show.
Sabur: Well, glad you came...kind of busy right now.
Sabur tries to escort the Show out of the room. It's no use the big man keeps talking, and spitting, and talking. Sabur looks at the couch, then back at the Big Show. Sabur ducks down quickly hoisting the large mass of humanity on his shoulders. He whips him around for a House of Pain. The Big Show crashes to the ground and finally silence.
Sabur: Nice...now I can get that nap.
Sabur lays down, closes his eyes and drifts off in slumber. Seconds later there is a pitter patter from the roof. Sabur jumps up.
Sabur: Dude there is only three Ghosts...past present and future. What in the blue hell is this.
Sabur then gets to his feet. Scampers out side his locker room. He then makes his way outside the arena. He sees a flat roof top right about where his locker room is located. Sabur nabs up a ladder, sets it against the building, scurries up to the top. As he reaches the top rung, his eyes glare onto the source of the pitter patter.
A sleigh, with eight Reindeer. A large red sack stuffed plum full sitting in the rear. Jingling bells can be heard. Sabur looking around rather curious begins to tip toe around the side of the sleigh.
The big man trips over Rudolph's hoof that is stuck out. Sabur gets up, looks at the red nosed reindeer. Then it's as if Rudolph snicker's at the world champion.
Sabur: Ohh..you think thats clever hunh Rudolph. Let me untie you...and lets us see who's the man.
Sabur then lets loose the red nosed reindeer. Rudolph jumps up and begins kicking his hooves at Sabur.
The man scampers backward in defense. The Irish Hammer then swings a nasty right into the stomach of the reindeer. Sabur then ducks another hoof, hoists the guiding light of Santa's sleigh on his shoulder's. Spin him around and drops him with a House of Pain. The reindeer moans in pain. Sabur stands over the downed deer.
Sabur: Thats right...nessled you right up. You don't fuck with the champ...
Just then a loud voice rings out from the back of the sleigh.
[glow=red,2,300]"Rudolph...whats the matter."[/glow]
Then out from the back of the sleigh. A jolly old man, with a belly like a bowl full of jelly, and rosey red cheeks appears. His beard white as snow.
Sabur: Santa!
[glow=red,2,300]Santa: Rudolph...what happened buddy.[/glow]
The reindeer points an hoof at Sabur.
[glow=red,2,300]Santa: He did this to you. [/glow]
Sabur looks at Santa with a guilty grin on his face.
Sabur: Listen...Santa...he started it...he had it coming...this Reindeer is all up-ity.
Santa pulls his coat off like he's going to cut loose.
Sabur: Santa lets talk about this.
[glow=red,2,300]Santa: Listen after your stunt at Disney World....you were already on the naughty list. [/glow]
Santa steps forward, swings a right at the champs face. Sabur ducks out of the way. Sabur the ducks another punch from Saint Nick. The Sabur catches a jolly old boot right in the gut, and a jab to the cheek. Sabur's eye twitches, then he clotheslines the fat man to the ground. Sabur nabs up the big gift giver by his hair. He then flips him up, and nails the man with a power bomb. Sabur then turns back, tagging Donner, and Blitzen in the face. He then moves in on Santa...lifts him onto his shoulders. Steps close to the edge of the roof top. Sabur swings around the big mans body. Santa catches a House of Pain off the rooftop onto a pile of trash cans, and rubbish below.
Sabur then looks at what he has done. He then walks over slap Dancer across the mush, snatches up the red sack. He walks over to the edge looking down on Santa's broken body. He dumps out all the toys on top of Santa.
Sabur: I'm the only man in APW with a big red sack!...and you don't go stealing my gimmick...or fucking up my nap Big Boy!
Sabur then climbs down the ladder. He walks back to his locker room. He lays down on the couch. Smiles, and closes his eyes.
Some time later the big guy stretches. He lets out a loud yawn. Sabur rolls up, and looks around the empty room. He then remembers his escapades while napping. Just then the midget of APW walks into the room. Sabur looks at his little buddy.
Lil Dick: How was that nap?
Sabur: Uh...it was a little weird. First John Green came to me, warning of the impact loosing the title can have. Then Earthquake the dead wrestler came in, told me I should have went to college. After that Andre the Giant came through. With some smooth talking I sent him on his way, only to be interrupted by the Big Show. So I proceeded to kick the shit out of the Big Show. Then a pitter patter above me on the roof kept waking me up. So like an Irish Columbo...I went to check out the situation. Up on the roof I saw Santa, and his Reindeer.
Lil Dick: You didn't.
Sabur: Listen...Rudolph asked for it...and then Santa...well he came out me wrong.
Lil Dick: Dude in one week...you beat up half of the Disney roster...and now Santa and his Reindeer.
Sabur: Well I didn't kick all the Reindeer's asses.
Lil Dick: Just shattering children's hero's all week.
Sabur: Kind of the running theme I'm going with lately.
Sabur looks down at his watch.
Sabur: Listen...I think some fans are in the arena now...it's time to give them what they payed for.
Lil Dick: Seeing Lively's mom run out of Twister's locker room completely naked.
Sabur: No...the other thing they came for.
Lil Dick: To watch Trevor Blackwell crack someone in the head with a cane shot.
Sabur: Nope...the other thing they wish to see.
Lil Dick: A small man named after a penis, run around and do foolish stunts that most of us midgets do.
Sabur: No taint licker....to see the Irish Hammer cut an in ring promo.
The two stand.
Lil Dick: Hey...whats that.
Sabur: Hum...lets see.
Sabur walks over to his locker. The big guy pulls off what looks like a love letter. It reads Do you want to be my boyfriend, a box for yes, one for no, and another for maybe so.
Sabur: Lil Dick...got a pen.
Lil Dick: Yeah here you go.
Sabur then checks maybe so on the letter. He then hands the pen back to Lil Dick.
Sabur: Wow...a modern day love letter. Things are getting crazy around here...first some crazy videos claiming the one and only Joker is showing up to APW.
Lil Dick: The Joker...like Batman and Robin...Joker.
Sabur: Yeah the real Joker...who knew he was real. Fuck it...if I can kick Santa's ass, beat down some Reindeer, knock around the Big Show, assault Mickey and friends...the Joker is piddly winks compared to me.
Lil Dick: Yeah...don't bust me up with the evil clown gimmick...
Sabur: Now modern day crushes...fuck it...I'm so rugged..why wouldn't some one have a crush on me.
Sometime later the theme song of all midgets,The Lolli Pop Kids, begins to play through the arena. The fans explode into cheers as Lil Dick walks th aisle. Saburs Lil Dick walks over to the timekeeper snagging a microphone. He then waddles up the stairs entering the ring. The music dies down, and the midget holds up the mic.
Lil Dick: Ladies and Gentlemen....he claims to be the Human Wrecking Machine.
Pop from the fans
Lil Dick: He has been refereed to as an Unleashed Beast.
Another Pop
Lil Dick: None as the Irish Hammer...
Pop
Lil Dick: But you can just call him champ!
Louder pop
Lil Dick: Here is SABUR!!!
The lights dim. A shower of sparks begins to rain down on the stage as Deftones begins to play. The large world champion enters the view of the arena. The fans explode into cheers for the Irish Hammer. Sabur walks out, unstraps his title, lifts it in the air, and throws a fist in the air with other hand. The fans cheer the Irish Hammer as he begins walking the ramp toward the ring. Sabur rolls into the ring, and hoists the title in the air once more. The fans cheering throughout the arena, as Sabur drapes the title over his shoulder. Lil Dick hands him the microphone. Sabur holds it up and begins to rant.
Sabur: Long Island New York...
The fans respond with love.
Sabur: Very soon...this title will be on the line. Up for grabs in a violent match....cause just have a wrestling match for the belt would be to easy...and then would favor a powerhouse wrestler like myself. None the less...in Long Island, this belt will be on the line in a Long Island Death Match.
The fans roar for the brutality that will ensue.
Sabur: Simmer down...now listen. I'm walking in to hell the champion, and facing once more Dr. Matt.
The fans boo the doctor.
Sabur: Now I'm sure Matt is probably watching me out here...wising this match was a one on one match up. Honestly I'm so thankful it isn't....cause if it were there would be no interruption on the beating I give him. No one to break up the brutality, and save your life. So for your sake it's a good thing Trevor will be there, to spare your life, save your career. Matt once more I find myself in a match up for this, and here you are. I beginning to wonder if you really want the title, or just want to be opposite me.
Lil Dick: You do have a secret admirer.
Sabur: Thats right...maybe it's Matt leaving me love notes. It's Matt sporting the lips stick and kissing those rugged pictures of me. I'm sort of flattered that you have a man crush on me Matty boy, but sadly I don't roll that way. If it's love you wish to garner from me, you will let down, and violently beaten and broken. You wishing I rolled with the rainbow like you, and wishing I would be your man is a hell of a gimmick...but the gay wrestling thing doesn't go over real well. Didn't work for Billy and Chuck in WWE. and Spirit wasn't fooling anybody. So Matty boy...I suggest you focus your manly crushes on Jeff, cause he at least lets your lap on his balls....Me I'm totally good. Now if it's the title you really want...and not my rugged body rubbing all over you.
The fans all seem creeped out by the visual Sabur has just given them.
Sabur: Normally I would be the first person who says if you want the gold just keep working at it. Keep trucing, moving forward, never give up...but Matt...seriously. No one wants to tell you this...but you have a had a hell of a run. Your career was great...emphasis on WAS. It's time you thought about cashing in the retirement plan, calling up the Social Security and start collecting...cause seriously brother...your over the hill. You have seen better days. The only thing worse then a wrestler who doesn't know when to hang up the boots....is one who is strung out on drugs, and has fried their brain so much that they are delusional that they still got it. I mean seriously Matt, your brains cells are that of a retard by this point. I can't blame you for not knowing. Seriously it's like your walking around in a coma. So my intention isn't just to keep the title, but give you an intervention. Maybe slap you around till you sober up, and realize that truly you do not have IT...anymore. Your washed up, out of touch with reality. Licking Jeff's balls has gotten you plenty, but now...if he is truly your friend...he will end this charade that you my friend still can be main event. That you could be the world champion.
I'm not going to discredit your past...but it simply is the past. I mean seriously, you can't just keep coming back for more...cause eventually there will be too much dolled out for your brittle ass drug infested body to take. That abused ticker of yours will some day give out.
Now you step in here with someone younger, faster, stronger, and maybe just a little more hungry then you. I have a future that fuels me...well your past haunts you. I understand you miss the good old days. Miss the spotlight, miss the fame, the prestige of being the fucking man. Dr. Matt...you are the man...just right now...your a sad man. One who doesn't know when to let well enough alone. So inside the Death Match...you will catch a fury. I will bring you once more to the edge of death...and maybe this time you will realize your place....in a rocking chair, as a memory for the stars of tomorrow to reference from time to time.
You have bled for this sport, sweat, and cried for it as we all have. But this sport has had too much of YOU. Maybe the good Doctor should take some orders for once, and listen to those rickety old bones. Listen to the pain running through your veins. Your worn down, your tired...it's time to really hang it up. I'm sure if you do...Jeff could maybe create a Hall of Fame...and make you the first inductee.
Sabur pauses a moment, turns to a different camera, and continues.
Sabur: Or simply keep coming for my title, and I'll keep smashing your face in. I'll keep punishing your body, I'll keep breaking your will till finally you decide for once that maybe you should retire. Maybe move to a beach, and reinvent yourself....cause the broken down drug addict who clings onto Jeff's nuts is so overplayed.
Sabur then readjusts the title on his shoulder. Looks out to the fans of the arena.
Sabur: Then we have the hometown hero...Trevor fucking Blackwell...
The fans erupt in cheers.
Sabur: Yeah...Trevor has done a lot in this industry...it's just too bad he hasn't really accomplished shit here. Sure he was the Xtreme champion...and hell he had a big part in building up the new world champion...but thats as far as the accolades go. I mean he fell off against Kenny...dropped to Metal, and dropped Dr. Matt. Now he wishes to challenge me for the title. He wishes to try once more to become the world champion of this company. When he tries bad things happen....the first go round...John Green was crowned...and for that he will pay. Any man letting John Green take the top spot should be brought to justice...So Trevor...meet your judge...yeah it's ME.
The fans boo' Sabur.
Sabur: You can boo me if you will...just like Trevor...you will witness a different go around then our first. You see Mr. Blackwell, I owe you more then just an ass whooping for giving us Green as a title holder. You took me under your wing. Groomed me to become a monster. While you had your issues...stagered in and out of the APW...I took what you taught me...and put it to work. I became a monster...a blood thirsty Human Wrecking Machine. I stopped at nothing, and got my first title in the buisness...that title the biggest prize you can earn...the world title. You see Trevor I have never beaten you...while you have never become world champion. We have been through a lot together...and you have given me a boat load of advice and wisdom....the problem is...you don't practice what you preach.
The fans again boo Sabur.
Sabur: It's cool people...I understand he's your hero...but hero's come with tragedy...come with a twist, they fall. If every story has a hero, and a bad guy...I guess I'm the new bad guy. I'll be the guy you people boo.
The fans then boo Sabur.
Sabur: Listen, if you people are going to boo me. Then I will surely earn those boo's. What a fitting place for the hero to fall...then his home town. In front of his people. Trevor Blackwell is the epitome of never die. He keeps ticking, and kicking through hell and high water. This legend took it upon himself to create a monster. Now he wishes to stop said monster. The student versus the teacher. Well Trevor I do hold a ton of respect for you....for what you implanted into me. For that I will show no mercy. For those very reasons I will not hold back.
Sabur turns to another camera, looking deeply into the lens.
Sabur: Trevor...you taught me well. I will split you open...spill your blood...give it a taste...and keep punishing you until there is nothing left. Your fans will witness this beat down. Thats sick bunch you call a family will stare on, as I smear your blood all over. Thats precious daughter of yours had better not be around the arena....not be near a television. She is tough...been through a lot. Witnessed her father go through hell and back. This though Trevor..she doesn't need to see. This match will blow the rest of the year out of the water. I have been putting my blood in the bank for reserve. Expecting a war...expecting to loose a little...expecting to need a refill. Trevor I am fully prepared, fully ready to let loose like you taught me. Dr. Matt and me have met inside some nasty conditions...but this surely will top all the others. Throwing your sick ass into the mix...is like pouring gasoline on the fire. The company has spent a ton of money for this PPV...on advertising...on promotion...on hype. If the only match that airs is the Death Match...I'm so sure it will be money well spent. You have three men willing to do what ever it takes. Stop at no cost to walk out with this.
Sabur then holds the title in the air.
Sabur: The title I hold. Thats right...I'm the fucking champion. You two will have to beat me for this. Dr. Matt's chances will be a little better now that he will have the help of Trevor. Either way...I'm pumped up...juiced...and ready to maim. Far as I am concerned the talk is over. We all have done our fair share of it. This is Christmas Chaos...a time for action. I will make a fucking statement in this match...with the drawing of first blood. My action's be clear...and impactful. The world will hear me...and clear....and surely know why I am the champion.
Sabur drops the mic. He holds the title in the air. Lil Dick runs over peaking his head between Sabur's legs. The Irish Hammer then chops his crotch area as his music plays through out the arena.
Lil Dick: Whew...we made it.
Sabur: Yeah and with time to spare.
The two make their way inside the building. As the door shuts behind them Sabur looks down at his little friend.
Sabur: I'm glad we are here early...I could use a fucking nap.
Lil Dick: Yeah...better get some rest before the title defense.
They then hook a left, and walk into the locker room of Sabur. The big man lays down on the couch, letting out a sigh of relief.
Lil Dick: Hey, I'm going to checkout the arena, see you in a bit.
Sabur: Yeah...I'll be here napping.
The big mans eyes close, and his mind wonders off. The giant monster of the APW snores, and is awoken by the clanging sounds of chains. Sabur sits up, looking around. Just then from the shadows of the corner walks John Green. Chains draped around his neck, and his skin pale.
Sabur: John Green...what the fuck are you doing here?
Green: Saaabbbuurrr. I come with a message....ooohhahhaww.
Sabur: What the fuck was that.
Green: It was supposed to be a scary creepy noise.
Sabur: You suck at that...almost as bad as you suck at wrestling.
Green: Fuck off...listen...I have come to warn you. You must at all costs retain your title.
Sabur: Well I plan to...but why at all costs must I.
Green: You will fall into the APW world title curse...I walk around carrying these heavy chains forever...and living with the shame of being a one hit wonder champion....the same is in store for YOU....if you do not retain.
Green points a finger at the champ. Sabur looks around, then chuckles a bit.
Sabur: Listen Green, first you suck...second you act like a bitch...third I doubt you are even a dude...secretly down there I'm positive you have a slit.
Green: What...uhhh. no way.
Sabur: Alright, for shits and giggles let say when you walked in here you had male genitalia. After spewing that load of shit out of your mouth...I'm am sure your penis must have split in half and curled under tucking itself inside.
Green: You know what Sabur...I'm just trying to warn you about your fate.
Sabur lunges up from the couch. He clotheslines Green to the ground.
Sabur: That is the name we do not speak..
Green: Not Phate...fate..
Sabur: It's all the same.
Sabur then grabs Green by his collar, opens the door, and kicks him right in his ass out of the room. Sabur then goes back to the couch to try to go back to sleep. The big man once again drifts off to snoozville which by the way is the exact location of John Greens promos, coincidence, I think not. The Irish Hammer once again is awoken from his nap by a noise. This noise was more like the one that accompanies the ground shaking. Just then the door flings open to his locker room. In walks a large figure. Sabur looks at the man trying to figure out where he had seen him before.
Sabur: Earthquake....what are you doing here...wait a minute aren't you dead.
Earthquake: Listen...I am the Ghost of Christmas Chaos past.
Sabur: You wrestled for APW...at a Christmas Chaos before.
Earthquake: Listen...APW isn't the first fed to have a Christmas Chaos, but enough about me...I'm here for you. Now let us go check out a few things.
Sabur stands, and follows Earthquake out to the hallway. They walk down open a door, and there is a filled High School gym. Wrestling mats on the ground, filled bleachers, and load of young high school wrestlers. Sabur looks over and sees a young man sitting on the bench.
Sabur: Whoa....thats me.
Earthquake: Yep a young man filled with so much joy...so much aspiration...ready to take on the world. Look up there, what do you see.
Sabur: The APW talent scout that came to check me out. I remember this day. It was the greatest day of my life. The day they offered me a start in the business, a contract with APW.
Earthquake: Yeah...now look over there...whats that.
Sabur: That's the college scouts that were trying to recruit me for their wrestling teams.
Earthquake: Yes sir....you shit one door to walk through another... imagine your life had you gotten a college education. So when you loose the title later on to either Trevor or Dr. Matt you can have a career to fall back on. Look up in the stands, all the way at the top.
Sabur: Hoy shit...I didn't realize Honky Tonk Man, and Marty Jennety were there. That is so cool, they were fans of mine before I was even big.
Earthquake: Yeah well lets follow then after the wrestling meet.
The two follow the Honky Tonk Man to the back office in the school cafeteria. The man grabs a trash can on wheels, and a vacuum. He loads up his janitor cart and begins trolling the halls of the school.
Sabur: Honky Tonk is a janitor...fuck that sucks.
Earthquake: Yep...he had no education, all he could do is shake his hips like a horrible Elvis, and swings a guitar at people. The guy's a fucking mess.
They then follow Marty to an Olive Garden. The former Rocker puts on his white apron and heads to the back. The former superstar is now main eventing the dishes washing duties of your favorite pasta joint.
Sabur: Dude...I think I'm going to be sick...a fucking Rocker...that is all because Shawn Michaels threw him into the window of Brutus's Barber Shop.
Earthquake: No...had mister Jennety gotten an education...he may have a better job then steam cleaning the dishes at the Garden after an all you can eat pasta night. Speaking of Brutus...would you like to see his life.
Sabur: No...no...I have had enough...I should have gotten an education instead of signing a million dollar contract with APW. I should be in class right now instead of headlining a sell out crowd, and walking into a match as the world champion. I should be struggling to get money instead of having three bank accounts plum full of money.
The two are magically back in Sabur's locker room. The Irish Hammer looks at the dead wrestler Earthquake.
Sabur: Dude...seriously what a waste of time. I can't believe you traveled from the grave to waste my fucking time. Dude...I'm a champion...thee champion. I'm not some gimmick wrestler like Honky. I'm not some career ending tag team champion like Marty Jennety, and I 'm surely no fat fuck like your self with no talent or skill except for sitting on people. Please Earthquake...your worse then John Green, at least he was a champion...thee champion like myself...not some jobbed out fat fuck. Now get the fuck outta here...I need to finish my nap.
Earthquake leaves the locker room. Sabur lays back down, and closes his eyes. Just as he does, smoke fills the room. Eerie music begins to play. Sabur sits up, looks around rather disgusted.
Sabur: Dude...I'm trying to get some rest. What the fuck.
Just then a booming voice is heard.
"Ahhh Boss...show some respect for a legend"
Just then the seven foot tall Andre the Giant walks into the room.
Sabur: Great another fat fuck...jesus Christ.
Andre: Listen...Boss...I'm the Ghost of C...
Sabur: Let me guess Christmas Chaos of the present...listen Andre...your great and all, but I have a hell of a match later. I mean this isn't like wrestling when you were around...I mean this shit gets pretty brutal.So I'm looking to catch some zzz's. I recently had a brawl at Disney World, got locked in jail. Broke out, stole a cop car, and drove all night to get here. All I want is a nap. So spare me the Christmas Chaos of the present. Walk out of here, tell who ever is next to come in and I'll swear you did a great job. Sound like a deal.
Andre: Alright Boss...just remember to respect the legends of the business.
Sabur: Yeah, yeah...got it.
Andre leaves the locker room shutting the door behind him.
Sabur: Fuck me...the only thing that smells worse then a frenchmen....is a dead frenchmen...whhheeeeww!
Sabur then sits there waiting for the door to open again. It does, and in walks another large man.
Sabur: The Big Show...
Show: Actually...you can't call me that...WWE owns that name and all intellectual property associated with it.
Sabur: Whoa...do you always spit when you talk.
Show: Yeah, sort of, it's my gimmick.
Sabur: Oh, I thought being a huge mongoloid with no talent inside the ring was your gimmick.
Show: Nice...I see we are dealing with a class act smart ass.
Sabur: So I didn't realize you died.
Show: I didn't...but I am here to show you the...
Sabur: Future...yeah, yeah...come on. I got a nap to take, but for some reason I keep getting interrupted.
Show: Listen Sabur there are many things to learn on this evening. Much wisdom sent your way.
Sabur: Yeah, like watch my diet, or I will end up like you sad sacks overweight, and to big to move around in the ring.
Show: Grrhhh...listen big man. This business is serious and can have serious repercussions on your life.....
[color-red]The Big Show continues on. He rants and raves toward Sabur. The Irish Hammer looks at his watch, and begins tapping his foot. The Big Show doesn't seem to get the clue that Sabur wants him to wrap up the last segment of his Christmas Carol. Sabur then stands up looking at the Show.
Sabur: Well, glad you came...kind of busy right now.
Sabur tries to escort the Show out of the room. It's no use the big man keeps talking, and spitting, and talking. Sabur looks at the couch, then back at the Big Show. Sabur ducks down quickly hoisting the large mass of humanity on his shoulders. He whips him around for a House of Pain. The Big Show crashes to the ground and finally silence.
Sabur: Nice...now I can get that nap.
Sabur lays down, closes his eyes and drifts off in slumber. Seconds later there is a pitter patter from the roof. Sabur jumps up.
Sabur: Dude there is only three Ghosts...past present and future. What in the blue hell is this.
Sabur then gets to his feet. Scampers out side his locker room. He then makes his way outside the arena. He sees a flat roof top right about where his locker room is located. Sabur nabs up a ladder, sets it against the building, scurries up to the top. As he reaches the top rung, his eyes glare onto the source of the pitter patter.
A sleigh, with eight Reindeer. A large red sack stuffed plum full sitting in the rear. Jingling bells can be heard. Sabur looking around rather curious begins to tip toe around the side of the sleigh.
The big man trips over Rudolph's hoof that is stuck out. Sabur gets up, looks at the red nosed reindeer. Then it's as if Rudolph snicker's at the world champion.
Sabur: Ohh..you think thats clever hunh Rudolph. Let me untie you...and lets us see who's the man.
Sabur then lets loose the red nosed reindeer. Rudolph jumps up and begins kicking his hooves at Sabur.
The man scampers backward in defense. The Irish Hammer then swings a nasty right into the stomach of the reindeer. Sabur then ducks another hoof, hoists the guiding light of Santa's sleigh on his shoulder's. Spin him around and drops him with a House of Pain. The reindeer moans in pain. Sabur stands over the downed deer.
Sabur: Thats right...nessled you right up. You don't fuck with the champ...
Just then a loud voice rings out from the back of the sleigh.
[glow=red,2,300]"Rudolph...whats the matter."[/glow]
Then out from the back of the sleigh. A jolly old man, with a belly like a bowl full of jelly, and rosey red cheeks appears. His beard white as snow.
Sabur: Santa!
[glow=red,2,300]Santa: Rudolph...what happened buddy.[/glow]
The reindeer points an hoof at Sabur.
[glow=red,2,300]Santa: He did this to you. [/glow]
Sabur looks at Santa with a guilty grin on his face.
Sabur: Listen...Santa...he started it...he had it coming...this Reindeer is all up-ity.
Santa pulls his coat off like he's going to cut loose.
Sabur: Santa lets talk about this.
[glow=red,2,300]Santa: Listen after your stunt at Disney World....you were already on the naughty list. [/glow]
Santa steps forward, swings a right at the champs face. Sabur ducks out of the way. Sabur the ducks another punch from Saint Nick. The Sabur catches a jolly old boot right in the gut, and a jab to the cheek. Sabur's eye twitches, then he clotheslines the fat man to the ground. Sabur nabs up the big gift giver by his hair. He then flips him up, and nails the man with a power bomb. Sabur then turns back, tagging Donner, and Blitzen in the face. He then moves in on Santa...lifts him onto his shoulders. Steps close to the edge of the roof top. Sabur swings around the big mans body. Santa catches a House of Pain off the rooftop onto a pile of trash cans, and rubbish below.
Sabur then looks at what he has done. He then walks over slap Dancer across the mush, snatches up the red sack. He walks over to the edge looking down on Santa's broken body. He dumps out all the toys on top of Santa.
Sabur: I'm the only man in APW with a big red sack!...and you don't go stealing my gimmick...or fucking up my nap Big Boy!
Sabur then climbs down the ladder. He walks back to his locker room. He lays down on the couch. Smiles, and closes his eyes.
Some time later the big guy stretches. He lets out a loud yawn. Sabur rolls up, and looks around the empty room. He then remembers his escapades while napping. Just then the midget of APW walks into the room. Sabur looks at his little buddy.
Lil Dick: How was that nap?
Sabur: Uh...it was a little weird. First John Green came to me, warning of the impact loosing the title can have. Then Earthquake the dead wrestler came in, told me I should have went to college. After that Andre the Giant came through. With some smooth talking I sent him on his way, only to be interrupted by the Big Show. So I proceeded to kick the shit out of the Big Show. Then a pitter patter above me on the roof kept waking me up. So like an Irish Columbo...I went to check out the situation. Up on the roof I saw Santa, and his Reindeer.
Lil Dick: You didn't.
Sabur: Listen...Rudolph asked for it...and then Santa...well he came out me wrong.
Lil Dick: Dude in one week...you beat up half of the Disney roster...and now Santa and his Reindeer.
Sabur: Well I didn't kick all the Reindeer's asses.
Lil Dick: Just shattering children's hero's all week.
Sabur: Kind of the running theme I'm going with lately.
Sabur looks down at his watch.
Sabur: Listen...I think some fans are in the arena now...it's time to give them what they payed for.
Lil Dick: Seeing Lively's mom run out of Twister's locker room completely naked.
Sabur: No...the other thing they came for.
Lil Dick: To watch Trevor Blackwell crack someone in the head with a cane shot.
Sabur: Nope...the other thing they wish to see.
Lil Dick: A small man named after a penis, run around and do foolish stunts that most of us midgets do.
Sabur: No taint licker....to see the Irish Hammer cut an in ring promo.
The two stand.
Lil Dick: Hey...whats that.
Sabur: Hum...lets see.
Sabur walks over to his locker. The big guy pulls off what looks like a love letter. It reads Do you want to be my boyfriend, a box for yes, one for no, and another for maybe so.
Sabur: Lil Dick...got a pen.
Lil Dick: Yeah here you go.
Sabur then checks maybe so on the letter. He then hands the pen back to Lil Dick.
Sabur: Wow...a modern day love letter. Things are getting crazy around here...first some crazy videos claiming the one and only Joker is showing up to APW.
Lil Dick: The Joker...like Batman and Robin...Joker.
Sabur: Yeah the real Joker...who knew he was real. Fuck it...if I can kick Santa's ass, beat down some Reindeer, knock around the Big Show, assault Mickey and friends...the Joker is piddly winks compared to me.
Lil Dick: Yeah...don't bust me up with the evil clown gimmick...
Sabur: Now modern day crushes...fuck it...I'm so rugged..why wouldn't some one have a crush on me.
Sometime later the theme song of all midgets,The Lolli Pop Kids, begins to play through the arena. The fans explode into cheers as Lil Dick walks th aisle. Saburs Lil Dick walks over to the timekeeper snagging a microphone. He then waddles up the stairs entering the ring. The music dies down, and the midget holds up the mic.
Lil Dick: Ladies and Gentlemen....he claims to be the Human Wrecking Machine.
Pop from the fans
Lil Dick: He has been refereed to as an Unleashed Beast.
Another Pop
Lil Dick: None as the Irish Hammer...
Pop
Lil Dick: But you can just call him champ!
Louder pop
Lil Dick: Here is SABUR!!!
The lights dim. A shower of sparks begins to rain down on the stage as Deftones begins to play. The large world champion enters the view of the arena. The fans explode into cheers for the Irish Hammer. Sabur walks out, unstraps his title, lifts it in the air, and throws a fist in the air with other hand. The fans cheer the Irish Hammer as he begins walking the ramp toward the ring. Sabur rolls into the ring, and hoists the title in the air once more. The fans cheering throughout the arena, as Sabur drapes the title over his shoulder. Lil Dick hands him the microphone. Sabur holds it up and begins to rant.
Sabur: Long Island New York...
The fans respond with love.
Sabur: Very soon...this title will be on the line. Up for grabs in a violent match....cause just have a wrestling match for the belt would be to easy...and then would favor a powerhouse wrestler like myself. None the less...in Long Island, this belt will be on the line in a Long Island Death Match.
The fans roar for the brutality that will ensue.
Sabur: Simmer down...now listen. I'm walking in to hell the champion, and facing once more Dr. Matt.
The fans boo the doctor.
Sabur: Now I'm sure Matt is probably watching me out here...wising this match was a one on one match up. Honestly I'm so thankful it isn't....cause if it were there would be no interruption on the beating I give him. No one to break up the brutality, and save your life. So for your sake it's a good thing Trevor will be there, to spare your life, save your career. Matt once more I find myself in a match up for this, and here you are. I beginning to wonder if you really want the title, or just want to be opposite me.
Lil Dick: You do have a secret admirer.
Sabur: Thats right...maybe it's Matt leaving me love notes. It's Matt sporting the lips stick and kissing those rugged pictures of me. I'm sort of flattered that you have a man crush on me Matty boy, but sadly I don't roll that way. If it's love you wish to garner from me, you will let down, and violently beaten and broken. You wishing I rolled with the rainbow like you, and wishing I would be your man is a hell of a gimmick...but the gay wrestling thing doesn't go over real well. Didn't work for Billy and Chuck in WWE. and Spirit wasn't fooling anybody. So Matty boy...I suggest you focus your manly crushes on Jeff, cause he at least lets your lap on his balls....Me I'm totally good. Now if it's the title you really want...and not my rugged body rubbing all over you.
The fans all seem creeped out by the visual Sabur has just given them.
Sabur: Normally I would be the first person who says if you want the gold just keep working at it. Keep trucing, moving forward, never give up...but Matt...seriously. No one wants to tell you this...but you have a had a hell of a run. Your career was great...emphasis on WAS. It's time you thought about cashing in the retirement plan, calling up the Social Security and start collecting...cause seriously brother...your over the hill. You have seen better days. The only thing worse then a wrestler who doesn't know when to hang up the boots....is one who is strung out on drugs, and has fried their brain so much that they are delusional that they still got it. I mean seriously Matt, your brains cells are that of a retard by this point. I can't blame you for not knowing. Seriously it's like your walking around in a coma. So my intention isn't just to keep the title, but give you an intervention. Maybe slap you around till you sober up, and realize that truly you do not have IT...anymore. Your washed up, out of touch with reality. Licking Jeff's balls has gotten you plenty, but now...if he is truly your friend...he will end this charade that you my friend still can be main event. That you could be the world champion.
I'm not going to discredit your past...but it simply is the past. I mean seriously, you can't just keep coming back for more...cause eventually there will be too much dolled out for your brittle ass drug infested body to take. That abused ticker of yours will some day give out.
Now you step in here with someone younger, faster, stronger, and maybe just a little more hungry then you. I have a future that fuels me...well your past haunts you. I understand you miss the good old days. Miss the spotlight, miss the fame, the prestige of being the fucking man. Dr. Matt...you are the man...just right now...your a sad man. One who doesn't know when to let well enough alone. So inside the Death Match...you will catch a fury. I will bring you once more to the edge of death...and maybe this time you will realize your place....in a rocking chair, as a memory for the stars of tomorrow to reference from time to time.
You have bled for this sport, sweat, and cried for it as we all have. But this sport has had too much of YOU. Maybe the good Doctor should take some orders for once, and listen to those rickety old bones. Listen to the pain running through your veins. Your worn down, your tired...it's time to really hang it up. I'm sure if you do...Jeff could maybe create a Hall of Fame...and make you the first inductee.
Sabur pauses a moment, turns to a different camera, and continues.
Sabur: Or simply keep coming for my title, and I'll keep smashing your face in. I'll keep punishing your body, I'll keep breaking your will till finally you decide for once that maybe you should retire. Maybe move to a beach, and reinvent yourself....cause the broken down drug addict who clings onto Jeff's nuts is so overplayed.
Sabur then readjusts the title on his shoulder. Looks out to the fans of the arena.
Sabur: Then we have the hometown hero...Trevor fucking Blackwell...
The fans erupt in cheers.
Sabur: Yeah...Trevor has done a lot in this industry...it's just too bad he hasn't really accomplished shit here. Sure he was the Xtreme champion...and hell he had a big part in building up the new world champion...but thats as far as the accolades go. I mean he fell off against Kenny...dropped to Metal, and dropped Dr. Matt. Now he wishes to challenge me for the title. He wishes to try once more to become the world champion of this company. When he tries bad things happen....the first go round...John Green was crowned...and for that he will pay. Any man letting John Green take the top spot should be brought to justice...So Trevor...meet your judge...yeah it's ME.
The fans boo' Sabur.
Sabur: You can boo me if you will...just like Trevor...you will witness a different go around then our first. You see Mr. Blackwell, I owe you more then just an ass whooping for giving us Green as a title holder. You took me under your wing. Groomed me to become a monster. While you had your issues...stagered in and out of the APW...I took what you taught me...and put it to work. I became a monster...a blood thirsty Human Wrecking Machine. I stopped at nothing, and got my first title in the buisness...that title the biggest prize you can earn...the world title. You see Trevor I have never beaten you...while you have never become world champion. We have been through a lot together...and you have given me a boat load of advice and wisdom....the problem is...you don't practice what you preach.
The fans again boo Sabur.
Sabur: It's cool people...I understand he's your hero...but hero's come with tragedy...come with a twist, they fall. If every story has a hero, and a bad guy...I guess I'm the new bad guy. I'll be the guy you people boo.
The fans then boo Sabur.
Sabur: Listen, if you people are going to boo me. Then I will surely earn those boo's. What a fitting place for the hero to fall...then his home town. In front of his people. Trevor Blackwell is the epitome of never die. He keeps ticking, and kicking through hell and high water. This legend took it upon himself to create a monster. Now he wishes to stop said monster. The student versus the teacher. Well Trevor I do hold a ton of respect for you....for what you implanted into me. For that I will show no mercy. For those very reasons I will not hold back.
Sabur turns to another camera, looking deeply into the lens.
Sabur: Trevor...you taught me well. I will split you open...spill your blood...give it a taste...and keep punishing you until there is nothing left. Your fans will witness this beat down. Thats sick bunch you call a family will stare on, as I smear your blood all over. Thats precious daughter of yours had better not be around the arena....not be near a television. She is tough...been through a lot. Witnessed her father go through hell and back. This though Trevor..she doesn't need to see. This match will blow the rest of the year out of the water. I have been putting my blood in the bank for reserve. Expecting a war...expecting to loose a little...expecting to need a refill. Trevor I am fully prepared, fully ready to let loose like you taught me. Dr. Matt and me have met inside some nasty conditions...but this surely will top all the others. Throwing your sick ass into the mix...is like pouring gasoline on the fire. The company has spent a ton of money for this PPV...on advertising...on promotion...on hype. If the only match that airs is the Death Match...I'm so sure it will be money well spent. You have three men willing to do what ever it takes. Stop at no cost to walk out with this.
Sabur then holds the title in the air.
Sabur: The title I hold. Thats right...I'm the fucking champion. You two will have to beat me for this. Dr. Matt's chances will be a little better now that he will have the help of Trevor. Either way...I'm pumped up...juiced...and ready to maim. Far as I am concerned the talk is over. We all have done our fair share of it. This is Christmas Chaos...a time for action. I will make a fucking statement in this match...with the drawing of first blood. My action's be clear...and impactful. The world will hear me...and clear....and surely know why I am the champion.
Sabur drops the mic. He holds the title in the air. Lil Dick runs over peaking his head between Sabur's legs. The Irish Hammer then chops his crotch area as his music plays through out the arena.
