Post by "The Hottest Shit Going" on Oct 22, 2009 23:10:08 GMT -4
We catch up with Michael Lively stepping out of a limo. The mans eyes shrouded by dark tinted sunglasses trying to prevent the harmful UV's of the sun damaging his retenas. Unlike some people who sport the things just so they can look cool, Michael Lively has purpose when he wears them. The man needs nothing more to add to his image, as in his own mind he is the most rugged man walking the face of the earth. As Michael Lively runs his hands down the sides and back of his shirt straightening it out from sitting in the limo, it is clear that Lively's has some irritation plastered on his face.
You see this has been a long day for the former wold champion. A day filled with limo rides through traffic, and tons of mind fucking agony. You see Michael Lively isn't a fan of foreign countries, and Tokyo Japan is probably one of his least favorite spots to tour. Sure it is a new set of fans that can rant, rave, spew hatred, and all out shower Michael Lively with disdain in a foreign language; however that is what seems to flip Lively out. He can't understand anyone, they can't understand him. It's enough to pull an ego maniacs hair out. Part of being an ego maniac is to boast, gloat, and spout off to all that can listen just how great you think you are. Lively can do that till he is blue in the face here in Japan and all he gets in return is a simple cheesy smiles filled with large Japanese chicklet teeth and gums. The mans eye balls are sore from so many flash bulbs going off through his journey today. These fuck sticks are the biggest wrestling marks in the world. This guy has finally arrived to his last stop on his mission, his pursuit.
What might you ask is Lively on a journey for, well the man known as JESUS is in search for a very special item. You see this item can only be found in certain places, and in the land of Japan it is very rare. The White Lion has been to four different pet shops in Japan, and yet has been able to find a dog collar. Having this gimmick match, and being the self confident asshole he is Lively wishes to have a unique Dog Collar for the match. One sort of custom picked so he can stand out. SO the search began and with every store, and every question Lively simply got a cheesy grin with a "ARH NO, WE EAT ROGS, NOT RAWK THEM". This answer disturbed Lively right to his core. The man is in no way, shape or form a dog loving animal activists, but to stomach the thought of chewing on dog meat and enjoying it has Michael Lively very upset.
So with four down, and this being his last stop on the soon to be infamous Dog Collar caper Michael Lively heads for the entrance of the store. Followed by Chubs the camera man who is trying to capture all the footage for APW.com Michael Lively opens the door and walks in. The JESUS shivers with the creeps as he knows full well what answer is coming his way. With a deep breathe he spots a store clerk down one of the aisles and begins storm troopering his way to ask the question so he can be on his way. Just then APW superstar is stopped by a woman pushing a cart. The young lady's seems to be a mother with her baby in a carrier on the seat of the cart.
Woman: ARWHHH...you Micha Wivevy...I wov you!
The JESUS looks down at this woman and her child. The man quite disgusted with the fact he has a Japanese fan. He kind of smiles toward the woman and heads over to the clerk. The womans baby begins to cry as Lively asks the question he is not really ready to hear the answer of. The response is just like all the others, and Lively dry heaves in his mouth for a moment. Really irritated by not only the answer, but the baby's crying Lively flips out. He mashes down the aisle, gets right in the womans face....
Lively: Listen lady...I heard if you shake them real hard for about a ten seconds they turn off.
The woman not understanding Michael Lively just respond with a dopey cheese ball grin. This last emotion of joy shoots right through Michael Lively. If there were a camel inside Lively's brain that smile surely was the last piece of straw to buckle that bastards knees. The JESUS loses control, his eye begins twitching and he snatches up the baby.
Lively: Let me demonstrate for you young lady since you seem to be a fucking idiot! First you...
Just as Lively is about to give the baby a solid paint can shaking, his attention is thrown somewhere else. His ears hear this faint noise. A noise that he shouldn't hear in Japan. Lively quickly torses the baby back to her mother.
Woman: Arhhh Micha Wivivy, you are best!!
The JESUS could care less about the woman, the fact that he was about to commit infant murder by shaking the thing until it was limp and quiet. Nope the JESUS only cared about this noise he heard. The man thinks he heard what is a dog whimper coming from the back hall way of the store. Lively sneaks up to the back door leading to the stock room of the store. It seems to be locked and Lively presses his ear up against it to get a listen. Another yelp from a dog can be heard. A poor helpless puppy is about to loose his life and become stir fry if Lively doesn't jump into action. Then a bigger revelation pops into Lively's head the pooch may be wearing a dog collar.
Lively: I bet if I rescue the dog, I can snatch up his collar.
A grin grows on Lively's face as he then jumps into action. With a solid stiff kick the door flys off it's hinges. Michael sprints down the hall turns the corner to find a young brown mutt strapped to a table. Lively looks around seeing no one, and rushes over to help the poor animal.
Lively: It's going to be OK, I'm here to free you little guy.
Lively undoes one of the buckles holding the dog down.
"THANK YOU SO MUCH"
Lively pops back thinking he has been caught. As he turns around he sees no one there. He spins back to the dog shaking his head in confusion. Then just as if Lively had ate a whole bag of mushrooms the dog then repeats the words "Thank you so much".
Lively: Y-y-ya-you c-can t-talk??
Dog: Well of course I can, why are you acting so shocked.
Lively: Well because dogs don't talk.
Dog: What planet are you from, hell I'm talking to you right now. So if dogs didn't talk then what is it you call I'm doing this very moment.
Lively: Well, I have never seen a dog talk back home in America. Hell no one eats the fucking things either.
Dog: They eat us because we can talk, because we hold the keys to humanity. Hell if you knew half the shit that is in my brain you would be blown away.
Lively: Actually I'm about there just from you talking. You know I just don't get it, how come dogs in American don't speak?
Dog: Well it's the Japanese language I guess. Once picking that up, you can rapidly learn pretty much any language on earth.
Lively: So you are telling me that because no one in America speaks Japanese to their dogs, thats why they don't speak.
Dog: Uhhh, I guess. Not to sound like a dick...I thinks it's cool that you are fascinated but can you finish untieing me. I'm sure they will be right back, they only went to get the knife so I can be butchered for their stew.
Lively frees the dog from the table and the both of them hear footsteps. The dog quickly falls to the floor playing dead, while Lively dives behind a a stack of boxes. Two Japanese people come back in the room with butcher knifes in their hands. Lively looks over to the dog who mouths "ONE, TWO, THREE". The dog bites the one guys leg, as Lively jumps out super kicking the other right in the mouth. Lively then grabs the other mans head and knocks him senseless with a knee to the face. The dog then stands up reaching to shake Michael Lively's hand.
Lively: You stand on your hind legs?
Dog: Seriously bro you need to get out more. Of course we can do anything regular humans can do. So let me get this straight, in America the dogs don't walk on their hind legs, or speak.
Lively: Well they speak, but it usually comes out in a woof-woof form.
Dog: What is going on over there. This whole Canine Holocaust thing must have gone global.
Lively: Canine Holocaust? What are you talking about?
Dog: Well in the eighties a young man by the name of Michael Vick-ler came over here and started a revolution of sorts to wipe out the dog community. He began having us fight inside cages. This blew up huge, and soon made him filthy rich with gambling on the fights. He rounded up as many dogs as he could find, and put on death matches making money hand over fist. Soon the dog species was dwindling down over here in Japan, and Vick-ler was very happy. This crazy tyrant of canine destruction had a chef come up with a recipe. That recipe's main ingredient was dog. This soon exploded and the dogs of Japan went underground. We created a resistance, and kept close in tight circles. Every once and a while we send out scouts, well as you can see this is what happens.
Lively: That is terrible, what ever happened to this Michael Vick-ler.?
Dog: Not sure he disappeared some people say he went to Mexico, others think he immigrated to CUBA. There was this crazy rumor that he changed his name and began playing pro football. Either way he is nowhere to be found in Japan, yet it is hopeless since he got the entire country hooked on his recipe. All we can do is stick to the shadows, and try to survive the best we can, or become a dinner time snack.
Lively: Pro Football? Uhh...
Lively quickly pulls out his iPhone. The man types in Michael Vick in his search engine pulling up a picture of the quarterback.
Lively: Is this him?
The dog looks very shocked. His hind legs begin shivering in fear. His little tail begins wagging back and forth.
Dog: It is him, he shaved his Charlie Chaplin mustache but thats him. He did go play football, that son of a bitch!
Lively: Thats not all he did, he started a major dog fighting ring in the U.S.
Dog: He's planning on ruining the dogs over there too. Nice if these stupid mutts you described are as useless as you make them out to be, the dog community is pretty much fucked.
Lively: You know I have been so rude, what is your name.
Dog: It's Duke.
Lively: Like Marmaduke?
Duke: Nope just Duke...what the hell is a Marmaduke?
Lively: Never mind, we need to get you back underground with out anyone finding out.
Duke: Well I'm sure some one is suspicious since there is no one to run the pet store after we took these two out.
The dog points a paw out the unconscious men on the floor.
Lively: You know what, there has to be a back door.
Duke: There is, I was sneaking in here to get a bite to eat and then blammo these squinty bitches cinched me up, and decided to get a bite to eat of their own.
Lively: Nice, well lets get to that back door so we can sneak you home buddy.
As they tip toe out into the hallway they are spotted by the young woman and her baby very nosely wandering around in the back looking for help on finding fish food.
Woman: Arwwhhh....Micha Wivevy are you hepping a rog!
Lively looks as if he got sniffing his sister panties by his father.
Lively: Uhhh, you know what I am bitch. I also think it's a Dog, not a rog.
Woman: Thats what I say, ROG! Hepping Rogs is a crime punish by DEF Micha Wivevy!
Lively: You know something Duke, why not women thats we wipe off the face of the earth. I mean they get wet with out water, they bleed with out injury, and they make boneless things hard. I'd say that is something worth a Holocaust, not dogs.
Lively then shoves Duke to the side, cracks his knuckles.
Lively: Listen lady, I am helping this here pooch, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.
The woman looks at Lively crossed eyed then screams "Hi-YAAAAHHHH" Before you know it Lively catches a round house kick to the face. The JESUS stumbles back from the blow from the little broad.
Lively: Bitch did you just kick the JESUS.
A silly grin from the lady is all he sees.
Lively: That fucking smile...oh son of a bitch I can't stand those smiles.
Lively charges toward the woman again who thrust kicks at him. The JESUS drops down in the splits missing the kick.
Lively: CUNT PUNCH!!!!
Lively then jams a nasty right hand uppercut in her private region. The womans yelps in pain, and the smile is erased from her face. She slinks over sideways falling to the floor.
Duke: That was...uhh gross.
Lively: Tell me about it, some women stick peanut butter down there and temp you fuckers to lick it off.
Duke quivers as he s grossed out by what Lively just said. The two then prepare themselves for more action as foot steps can be heard coming up the alley. The back door to the pet shop is kicked open. A black lab wearing sunglasses and a black duster walks in shoving Lively back away from Duke. The other Tan lab walks in wearing sunglasses and a black leather duster as well.
Duke: Morpheus, Neo, I knew you guys would find me.
Morhpeus: Duke, are you alright?
Neo the lab walks over toward Lively starring him up and down. with a serious scowl on his dog face.
Duke: It's cool Neo, he saved me.
Lively in shock that he shoved by an upright black lab wearing sunglasses and a duster then clears his throat.
Lively: Excuse me did you say Morpheus and Neo...as in the Matrix.
Neo: What is the Matrix?
Lively: Exactly Neo, thats what you were wanting to know the whole first movie until Morpheus came and offered you a choice of two pills, a red or blue.
Morpheus steps forward, looks at both Neo and Duke, then back at Lively. He takes his sunglasses off, and holds out his paw. Laying on the pads of his paw are two pills a red one and a blue.
Morpheus: Do you want to see how far the rabbit hole really goes?
Lively grins from ear to ear. He leans forward looking at the pills trying to find out which one to take. He then looks up at Morpheus the dog and sees the reflection of pills in his glasses.
Lively: I can't believe this is happening...mother fucker I'll take the red. Show me wonderland boys.
Lively then gulps down the red pill. Everything suddenly goes pitch black. Silence is very strong, and nothing can be heard.
Lively hears his name being called out to. The man is then shaken awake, and flips out. His eyes open as he leaps up tackling Chubs the camera man.
Lively: Sentinels, talking poochs', and crazy Japanese smiles....ARGHHHH! THOSE SMILES!!!
Chubs: Michael, wake up it's me...Chubs.
Lively then calms down releasing the grip he had on Chubs.
Lively: Dude, I must have taken the wrong pill. Thats it I never let him tell me which pill to take. I know the movie has Neo take the red, I took the red and here I am. I should have taken the blue, they were dogs, things could have been reversed. Oh shit there is only one fucking chance....What Chubs...can't you see I am dealing with serious shit here.
Chubs: I just wanted to let you know that the in ring time you requested is, umm...NOW!
Lively stands up, puts on his hooded vest. The man already dressed for action then flips the hood over his head, and leaves the locker room where he was napping.
In the Filled Arena
The music of AFI begins to blares as the hooded image of Michael Lively enters the ramp way. The fans shower this man with the endless hatred. A hatred some people have for things like cancer and cockroaches. He simply smirks underneath the hood, flips it back and strikes the I am JESUS pose so that all watching can get a solid look at perfection. The man begins talking shit to the fan filled arena as he makes his way down the ramp. Just before getting to the ring Michael Lively stops dead in his tracks. His eyes glaring at a young man about ten years old in a Michael Lively t-shirt. The young fan then strikes his version of the JESUS pose as Lively just burns a hole in him. The White Lion then whips his head to the side looking toward the time keepers table, and calls for a the man to bring him a microphone. Lively gets just that, clutches it in his grasp and holds it to his mouth.
Lively: Is this a Michael Lively mark I see???
The young man jumps up and down with excitement as what seems to be his hero addressing him.
Harvey: Who knew Lively had fans.
Chase: Let alone young fans.
Lively waits for the overwhelming chorus of boo's to die down briefly and then continues on.
Lively: And it seems you are wearing a Michael Lively t-shirt as well. To top it all off kid you are sitting front row. Let me ask you something kid where are your parents.
Lively then lowers the mic to the kid so he can respond.
Kid: Well, this is my dad right here.
The little Lively mark points to his father who just stands there looking at Lively with a dopey ass grin plastered all over his face. Lively then takes the mic back up to his level and glares at the young Lively marks father.
Lively: Whats you name?
Father: Bob...Bob Burkawittz from...
Lively pulls the mic back shaking his head at the man as if letting him know that he had said to much. The young boy grins from ear to ear as he witnesses Lively being an asshole in person.
Lively: You know something Bob, you should be ashamed of yourself...your poor son shouldn't have me as a role model, in fact I am ashamed of you. I am the furthest thing a kid should see as someone to look up to. Here you have this little waste of sperm acting like me, wearing my merch. What kind of father are you?
Lively then back hand slaps the boys father knocking him down to his seat. Lively spits in the mans face, then turns to the young boy ripping his Michael Lively shirt right off of his back. Michael takes the shirt throwing it on the ground as the kid begins to cry. The kids father stands up grabbing his son looking at Lively with a rage.
Lively: What are you going to do...nothing you little bitch. You can't even parent your fucking son, a Michael Lively mark...this fucking kid should be marking out to jabrones like Pence "I'm A whine Ass Bitch" Weatherlight, or Jesse "I'm a Thug Ass Rapper" Nunez, but not Michael Lively...I'm calling the Child Protective Services on you, I bet you leave him in hot parked cars don't you, you miserable sack of shit, dead beat father!
The man covers his sons ears as Lively berates him. Michael Lively then clutches the microphone and rolls into the ring. The fans show their disapproval for Michael Lively in a very ear rattling way by threatening to crumble the structure of the buildings integrity with bass shaking boo's. The JESUS eats it up for these are the moments he lives for. A certified asshole, and grade A dick head, this arrogant son of bitch lives to piss in peoples Fruit Loops. The young fan and his father got a first hand experience of that, they surely will never forget. Lively walks over toward the middle of the ring looking directly into a cameraman starring at him. The man leans on the top rope with his arms as very non chaulantly holds the microphone to his mouth.
Lively: I make memories, ones that last a lifetime. The grandmother that caught a face full of JESUS saliva, to the wheel chair bound kid who just wanted to be a wrestler, the make a wish family who had a in home visit from Michael Lively, and now the father son combo. I take you and bring you into this sport, I give you things no other wrestler can give you. Sure catching a sweaty wrist band from Jesse Nunez is cool, if your going to run home and beat off to the smell of it. I think my full effect live experience for the fans is second to none, and I'm sure this kid will thank me when he gets older.
The fans shower Lively with more hate as they feel desperately bad for the kid who just got humiliated.
Lively: Now, onto some more important things. Things that take persistence over little shit like neglectful fathers. One Night In Hell, the PPV special where every match has a gimmick, every battle has a stipulation. Well the match made for me and BDC is one hell of a doozy. A Dog Collar Match. A match that has had a lot of history. Many of men have strapped a collar around their necks, let the chain connect the two, and beat the living shit out of each other. There is no leaving the match, no disqualification, the only way out is to simply beat the fuck cock snot out of your opponent, or wait until he does the same right back. It's a nasty match made for people who just can't seem to stand each other. Well BDC I can honestly say I fucking despise you. Some people will boast and brag about how much respect they have for legends, or their opponents. Not me because in my mind you are the furthest thing from a legend. You are a simple coat tail ridding, opportunist. Your actions prove just that. You didn't want this match, you didn't want any part of Michael Lively. Like the consistent pest I am, I found a way to get what I want. I struck the nerve of Max Carter, and that took us to last week. A best of three series that you wanted no part of. A best of three series that you simply quit on in the final event. It's cool BDC, I'm sure little penis fairies like that kid in the crowd believed your story about just wanting to whip my ass. I don't, you knew you were beaten and you decided to save face, and try to look like a bad ass. Well cunt face you proved to be even more of a douche-a-sore-ass then I already figured you to be.
Lively then turns to his right where a camera man is standing on the apron to shoot another angle. Lively gives this camera a glare of his chiseled heavenly face as he continues on.
Lively: It makes no difference what size the pussy is, what flavor, or how old...the JESUS can fuck them all. The match was booked, the contract signed, the B loody D umb C unt versus Michael Lively. The semi retired, washed up slap dick has laced up the boots once more to take on the ultra rugged, super extremely talented, Michael Mother Fucking Lively. A battle fit for PPV, a match that I thought would be seriously high ratting.
Michael Lively then lets out a sigh of disappointment.
Lively: The further I got into this thing, the more disappointed I grew. None the less here we are in October, a month that welcomes in so much. The leaves begin to turn, as the weather shifts to a dull chill. Pumpkin patches begin to pop up, as parking lots fill with trailers converted to haunted houses. Little children all over America overcome with excitement as they choose costumes and masks. One night a year they pretend to be something they are not, roam the streets and beg for candy. Funny enough that brings me to BDC. The man spends time all year pretending to be a living legend...which he is not. The man walks around with his little mask on begging for peoples attention. This grown jack-wad is just like a little fat kid stuffing himself into Star Wars costume, everyone knows full well you are not Darth Vader, well unless Darth Vader shrunk about seven and half inches, cleaned out the pantry of Death Star leaving not one moon pie for R2D2. The same goes for BDC, you can pretend all day and night that you were once the best thing going, a true impact player. From where I stand you are nothing. The only thing you have accomplished in APW is about the same thing Joe Martinez has, accumulate a nice pile of shit that seems to empty out of your mouth every couple of weeks.
I mean seriously, what have you done...nevermind I don't need a laundry list of your accomplishments because they were from some other fed. I can pull off the same thing...in the Jack-Off Wrestling federation I was thirty seven time world champion, and then I jumped from that company to another company called World Wussy Wrestling Organization where I won the world title and held it until the company folded. Wait don't forget that time I held every title that the Pussafied Fight Club of America had at once, and never lost a match, because I am soooo the best.
Lively rolls his eyes.
Lively: You see BDC, all your past means jack shit to me. In fact you mean jack shit, and right at this very moment I am ashamed of myself. You see I bought into you false hype right from the gate. I had these illusions that to become a legend you must first beat one. Well I have taken out many of folks in the APW, and after Sunday I will have still yet to beat a legend. I have come to realize you aren't a legend, your career doesn't amount to shit in my eyes. You are just another broken old fuck who thinks he has what it takes to stand and bang with the current roster. Well Geritol, this young buck has a lot of fight in him. It will be interesting none the less to see how you hold up. I can't wait to see if your joints give out, or possibly if your bladder looses control. You could be the first man I made piss himself during a match. I know at your age things begin shutting down. Your grip isn't what it once was, which has forced your cock to tuck inside from lack of usage, which then in turn has made those droopy balls between your legs a simple decoration. I say a decoration because you failed to use them. I called you out, and first challenged you to a match, you tried to ignore me. All along we know you were like that kid in school who tries to walk on past the bully hoping they just leave him alone. Well I wasn't going anywhere big man, until I got my match. Now that I have it I wish I had ignored you because this is simply a match suited for the under card. You are a pussy who wants no confrontation, no problems. Right from the gate you proved to me BDC that when you get old, you begin to die from the inside. It starts with your heart. I know for a fact that you are far from a legend, but I can admit that you had one hell of a heart. In your time you would have leaped into the ring with me the second I called you out. Now you just sit back in that rocking chair swaying to and fro as a broken shell of what you used to be. A mid card, sub standard, unoriginal, hack wrestler. Now if thats you in your prime, I'd say I'm fighting a real sack of shit this Sunday.
I know right now you are wishing that I would back out, maybe spare you the embarrassment of wrestling such a stud like myself. Hell the thought has crossed my mind too, I mean I have already beaten Joe Martinez, Jason Royce like ten times, why destroy another jobber. Luckily my pay is great, and the match was booked, and I never back out, so I guess I will add BDC to the list of no talents that have fallen under my mighty boot. You can bet your bottom dollar there gramps that I will not take it easy on your wrinkled ass. I will punish you from bell to bell. Your forgetful old brain will wonder "WHY ARE WE HERE, DIDN'T WE GIVE THIS SHIT UP?". When you think you can not take any more, I will surely show you that yes, your body is definitely in store for another round. The ass whippings will be dolled out in large quantities at One Night In Hell. Your candy sack will be full of shattered dentures, your busted ass hair piece, and soiled depends. This will be a pleasure for me, something to add to my list of accomplishments. I have beat champions, former champions, no talents, women, retards, the handicapped, and now I'm racking up the elderly.
Hell I even kicked the shit out of the Octomom, you talk about One Night In Hell, this Sunday is going to be a frickin picnic compared to that.
BDC I'm not sure what is left for me to say. I feel like I have dominated this conversation, hell this entire little feud. The entire time it's like you haven't even been around, I have been poking and prodding you while all you could do is hide in the corner. Stand in the shadows hoping for this nightmare to just disappear. Well Halloween is almost over, and it only lasts for one special night...just like the PPV, it's simply One Night In Hell. Maybe it'll be Hell for you, but a party for me...cause I'm the JESUS...I fucking own Hell!! So pack your bags, squeeze into those old leather pants that your used to sport to the ring...clip on the suspenders so they don't fall down from the pressure of your old man gut leaning on them. Take out those shades...you know the ones...that pair that transformed you from Chris "I lick the Duck butter from Julian Bales Balls" Defoe into the one and only "Big Daddy Cool".
Lively mockingly trembles in fear
Lively: Don't bust me up! Well there is no room in Hell for cool, unless your tired ass is going to dress as a pitcher of red fruit punch for Halloween, smash through walls, and try and spill Kool Aid on children screaming "OH YEAH". Either way it's pointless, you are pointless, this entire feud was pointless...but not for nothing...because through it all we have weeded out another fraudulent old wrestler who claimed to be great...dissproved his accomplishments. Hopefully the APW Hall of Fame Commission realizes you can not be inducted into the wrestling hall of fame for simply juggling mens testicles with your tongue. BDC, I'm Michael Lively...some say I'm JESUS like, others think I'm an asshole...I simply know that I am The Hottest Shit Going, and you can't even compete in my league huckabilly bad ass. The truth will sadly slap that liver spotted cheek of yours this sunday...it will sting...but after the pain goes away you'll thank me for saving you from this charade you have been living in. The pressure will be relieved, no longer will you have to run from the reality...people can finally see Chris Defoe as he truly is....a filthy, no talent, dick whistling, douche bag!
Michael Lively simply drops the microphone over his shoulder before outstretching his arms for the I am JESUS pose. This makes the fans erupt into hate, and they in unison begin a "FUCK YOU JESUS" chant as the show goes to commercial.
You see this has been a long day for the former wold champion. A day filled with limo rides through traffic, and tons of mind fucking agony. You see Michael Lively isn't a fan of foreign countries, and Tokyo Japan is probably one of his least favorite spots to tour. Sure it is a new set of fans that can rant, rave, spew hatred, and all out shower Michael Lively with disdain in a foreign language; however that is what seems to flip Lively out. He can't understand anyone, they can't understand him. It's enough to pull an ego maniacs hair out. Part of being an ego maniac is to boast, gloat, and spout off to all that can listen just how great you think you are. Lively can do that till he is blue in the face here in Japan and all he gets in return is a simple cheesy smiles filled with large Japanese chicklet teeth and gums. The mans eye balls are sore from so many flash bulbs going off through his journey today. These fuck sticks are the biggest wrestling marks in the world. This guy has finally arrived to his last stop on his mission, his pursuit.
What might you ask is Lively on a journey for, well the man known as JESUS is in search for a very special item. You see this item can only be found in certain places, and in the land of Japan it is very rare. The White Lion has been to four different pet shops in Japan, and yet has been able to find a dog collar. Having this gimmick match, and being the self confident asshole he is Lively wishes to have a unique Dog Collar for the match. One sort of custom picked so he can stand out. SO the search began and with every store, and every question Lively simply got a cheesy grin with a "ARH NO, WE EAT ROGS, NOT RAWK THEM". This answer disturbed Lively right to his core. The man is in no way, shape or form a dog loving animal activists, but to stomach the thought of chewing on dog meat and enjoying it has Michael Lively very upset.
So with four down, and this being his last stop on the soon to be infamous Dog Collar caper Michael Lively heads for the entrance of the store. Followed by Chubs the camera man who is trying to capture all the footage for APW.com Michael Lively opens the door and walks in. The JESUS shivers with the creeps as he knows full well what answer is coming his way. With a deep breathe he spots a store clerk down one of the aisles and begins storm troopering his way to ask the question so he can be on his way. Just then APW superstar is stopped by a woman pushing a cart. The young lady's seems to be a mother with her baby in a carrier on the seat of the cart.
Woman: ARWHHH...you Micha Wivevy...I wov you!
The JESUS looks down at this woman and her child. The man quite disgusted with the fact he has a Japanese fan. He kind of smiles toward the woman and heads over to the clerk. The womans baby begins to cry as Lively asks the question he is not really ready to hear the answer of. The response is just like all the others, and Lively dry heaves in his mouth for a moment. Really irritated by not only the answer, but the baby's crying Lively flips out. He mashes down the aisle, gets right in the womans face....
Lively: Listen lady...I heard if you shake them real hard for about a ten seconds they turn off.
The woman not understanding Michael Lively just respond with a dopey cheese ball grin. This last emotion of joy shoots right through Michael Lively. If there were a camel inside Lively's brain that smile surely was the last piece of straw to buckle that bastards knees. The JESUS loses control, his eye begins twitching and he snatches up the baby.
Lively: Let me demonstrate for you young lady since you seem to be a fucking idiot! First you...
Just as Lively is about to give the baby a solid paint can shaking, his attention is thrown somewhere else. His ears hear this faint noise. A noise that he shouldn't hear in Japan. Lively quickly torses the baby back to her mother.
Woman: Arhhh Micha Wivivy, you are best!!
The JESUS could care less about the woman, the fact that he was about to commit infant murder by shaking the thing until it was limp and quiet. Nope the JESUS only cared about this noise he heard. The man thinks he heard what is a dog whimper coming from the back hall way of the store. Lively sneaks up to the back door leading to the stock room of the store. It seems to be locked and Lively presses his ear up against it to get a listen. Another yelp from a dog can be heard. A poor helpless puppy is about to loose his life and become stir fry if Lively doesn't jump into action. Then a bigger revelation pops into Lively's head the pooch may be wearing a dog collar.
Lively: I bet if I rescue the dog, I can snatch up his collar.
A grin grows on Lively's face as he then jumps into action. With a solid stiff kick the door flys off it's hinges. Michael sprints down the hall turns the corner to find a young brown mutt strapped to a table. Lively looks around seeing no one, and rushes over to help the poor animal.
Lively: It's going to be OK, I'm here to free you little guy.
Lively undoes one of the buckles holding the dog down.
"THANK YOU SO MUCH"
Lively pops back thinking he has been caught. As he turns around he sees no one there. He spins back to the dog shaking his head in confusion. Then just as if Lively had ate a whole bag of mushrooms the dog then repeats the words "Thank you so much".
Lively: Y-y-ya-you c-can t-talk??
Dog: Well of course I can, why are you acting so shocked.
Lively: Well because dogs don't talk.
Dog: What planet are you from, hell I'm talking to you right now. So if dogs didn't talk then what is it you call I'm doing this very moment.
Lively: Well, I have never seen a dog talk back home in America. Hell no one eats the fucking things either.
Dog: They eat us because we can talk, because we hold the keys to humanity. Hell if you knew half the shit that is in my brain you would be blown away.
Lively: Actually I'm about there just from you talking. You know I just don't get it, how come dogs in American don't speak?
Dog: Well it's the Japanese language I guess. Once picking that up, you can rapidly learn pretty much any language on earth.
Lively: So you are telling me that because no one in America speaks Japanese to their dogs, thats why they don't speak.
Dog: Uhhh, I guess. Not to sound like a dick...I thinks it's cool that you are fascinated but can you finish untieing me. I'm sure they will be right back, they only went to get the knife so I can be butchered for their stew.
Lively frees the dog from the table and the both of them hear footsteps. The dog quickly falls to the floor playing dead, while Lively dives behind a a stack of boxes. Two Japanese people come back in the room with butcher knifes in their hands. Lively looks over to the dog who mouths "ONE, TWO, THREE". The dog bites the one guys leg, as Lively jumps out super kicking the other right in the mouth. Lively then grabs the other mans head and knocks him senseless with a knee to the face. The dog then stands up reaching to shake Michael Lively's hand.
Lively: You stand on your hind legs?
Dog: Seriously bro you need to get out more. Of course we can do anything regular humans can do. So let me get this straight, in America the dogs don't walk on their hind legs, or speak.
Lively: Well they speak, but it usually comes out in a woof-woof form.
Dog: What is going on over there. This whole Canine Holocaust thing must have gone global.
Lively: Canine Holocaust? What are you talking about?
Dog: Well in the eighties a young man by the name of Michael Vick-ler came over here and started a revolution of sorts to wipe out the dog community. He began having us fight inside cages. This blew up huge, and soon made him filthy rich with gambling on the fights. He rounded up as many dogs as he could find, and put on death matches making money hand over fist. Soon the dog species was dwindling down over here in Japan, and Vick-ler was very happy. This crazy tyrant of canine destruction had a chef come up with a recipe. That recipe's main ingredient was dog. This soon exploded and the dogs of Japan went underground. We created a resistance, and kept close in tight circles. Every once and a while we send out scouts, well as you can see this is what happens.
Lively: That is terrible, what ever happened to this Michael Vick-ler.?
Dog: Not sure he disappeared some people say he went to Mexico, others think he immigrated to CUBA. There was this crazy rumor that he changed his name and began playing pro football. Either way he is nowhere to be found in Japan, yet it is hopeless since he got the entire country hooked on his recipe. All we can do is stick to the shadows, and try to survive the best we can, or become a dinner time snack.
Lively: Pro Football? Uhh...
Lively quickly pulls out his iPhone. The man types in Michael Vick in his search engine pulling up a picture of the quarterback.
Lively: Is this him?
The dog looks very shocked. His hind legs begin shivering in fear. His little tail begins wagging back and forth.
Dog: It is him, he shaved his Charlie Chaplin mustache but thats him. He did go play football, that son of a bitch!
Lively: Thats not all he did, he started a major dog fighting ring in the U.S.
Dog: He's planning on ruining the dogs over there too. Nice if these stupid mutts you described are as useless as you make them out to be, the dog community is pretty much fucked.
Lively: You know I have been so rude, what is your name.
Dog: It's Duke.
Lively: Like Marmaduke?
Duke: Nope just Duke...what the hell is a Marmaduke?
Lively: Never mind, we need to get you back underground with out anyone finding out.
Duke: Well I'm sure some one is suspicious since there is no one to run the pet store after we took these two out.
The dog points a paw out the unconscious men on the floor.
Lively: You know what, there has to be a back door.
Duke: There is, I was sneaking in here to get a bite to eat and then blammo these squinty bitches cinched me up, and decided to get a bite to eat of their own.
Lively: Nice, well lets get to that back door so we can sneak you home buddy.
As they tip toe out into the hallway they are spotted by the young woman and her baby very nosely wandering around in the back looking for help on finding fish food.
Woman: Arwwhhh....Micha Wivevy are you hepping a rog!
Lively looks as if he got sniffing his sister panties by his father.
Lively: Uhhh, you know what I am bitch. I also think it's a Dog, not a rog.
Woman: Thats what I say, ROG! Hepping Rogs is a crime punish by DEF Micha Wivevy!
Lively: You know something Duke, why not women thats we wipe off the face of the earth. I mean they get wet with out water, they bleed with out injury, and they make boneless things hard. I'd say that is something worth a Holocaust, not dogs.
Lively then shoves Duke to the side, cracks his knuckles.
Lively: Listen lady, I am helping this here pooch, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.
The woman looks at Lively crossed eyed then screams "Hi-YAAAAHHHH" Before you know it Lively catches a round house kick to the face. The JESUS stumbles back from the blow from the little broad.
Lively: Bitch did you just kick the JESUS.
A silly grin from the lady is all he sees.
Lively: That fucking smile...oh son of a bitch I can't stand those smiles.
Lively charges toward the woman again who thrust kicks at him. The JESUS drops down in the splits missing the kick.
Lively: CUNT PUNCH!!!!
Lively then jams a nasty right hand uppercut in her private region. The womans yelps in pain, and the smile is erased from her face. She slinks over sideways falling to the floor.
Duke: That was...uhh gross.
Lively: Tell me about it, some women stick peanut butter down there and temp you fuckers to lick it off.
Duke quivers as he s grossed out by what Lively just said. The two then prepare themselves for more action as foot steps can be heard coming up the alley. The back door to the pet shop is kicked open. A black lab wearing sunglasses and a black duster walks in shoving Lively back away from Duke. The other Tan lab walks in wearing sunglasses and a black leather duster as well.
Duke: Morpheus, Neo, I knew you guys would find me.
Morhpeus: Duke, are you alright?
Neo the lab walks over toward Lively starring him up and down. with a serious scowl on his dog face.
Duke: It's cool Neo, he saved me.
Lively in shock that he shoved by an upright black lab wearing sunglasses and a duster then clears his throat.
Lively: Excuse me did you say Morpheus and Neo...as in the Matrix.
Neo: What is the Matrix?
Lively: Exactly Neo, thats what you were wanting to know the whole first movie until Morpheus came and offered you a choice of two pills, a red or blue.
Morpheus steps forward, looks at both Neo and Duke, then back at Lively. He takes his sunglasses off, and holds out his paw. Laying on the pads of his paw are two pills a red one and a blue.
Morpheus: Do you want to see how far the rabbit hole really goes?
Lively grins from ear to ear. He leans forward looking at the pills trying to find out which one to take. He then looks up at Morpheus the dog and sees the reflection of pills in his glasses.
Lively: I can't believe this is happening...mother fucker I'll take the red. Show me wonderland boys.
Lively then gulps down the red pill. Everything suddenly goes pitch black. Silence is very strong, and nothing can be heard.
Lively hears his name being called out to. The man is then shaken awake, and flips out. His eyes open as he leaps up tackling Chubs the camera man.
Lively: Sentinels, talking poochs', and crazy Japanese smiles....ARGHHHH! THOSE SMILES!!!
Chubs: Michael, wake up it's me...Chubs.
Lively then calms down releasing the grip he had on Chubs.
Lively: Dude, I must have taken the wrong pill. Thats it I never let him tell me which pill to take. I know the movie has Neo take the red, I took the red and here I am. I should have taken the blue, they were dogs, things could have been reversed. Oh shit there is only one fucking chance....What Chubs...can't you see I am dealing with serious shit here.
Chubs: I just wanted to let you know that the in ring time you requested is, umm...NOW!
Lively stands up, puts on his hooded vest. The man already dressed for action then flips the hood over his head, and leaves the locker room where he was napping.
In the Filled Arena
The music of AFI begins to blares as the hooded image of Michael Lively enters the ramp way. The fans shower this man with the endless hatred. A hatred some people have for things like cancer and cockroaches. He simply smirks underneath the hood, flips it back and strikes the I am JESUS pose so that all watching can get a solid look at perfection. The man begins talking shit to the fan filled arena as he makes his way down the ramp. Just before getting to the ring Michael Lively stops dead in his tracks. His eyes glaring at a young man about ten years old in a Michael Lively t-shirt. The young fan then strikes his version of the JESUS pose as Lively just burns a hole in him. The White Lion then whips his head to the side looking toward the time keepers table, and calls for a the man to bring him a microphone. Lively gets just that, clutches it in his grasp and holds it to his mouth.
Lively: Is this a Michael Lively mark I see???
The young man jumps up and down with excitement as what seems to be his hero addressing him.
Harvey: Who knew Lively had fans.
Chase: Let alone young fans.
Lively waits for the overwhelming chorus of boo's to die down briefly and then continues on.
Lively: And it seems you are wearing a Michael Lively t-shirt as well. To top it all off kid you are sitting front row. Let me ask you something kid where are your parents.
Lively then lowers the mic to the kid so he can respond.
Kid: Well, this is my dad right here.
The little Lively mark points to his father who just stands there looking at Lively with a dopey ass grin plastered all over his face. Lively then takes the mic back up to his level and glares at the young Lively marks father.
Lively: Whats you name?
Father: Bob...Bob Burkawittz from...
Lively pulls the mic back shaking his head at the man as if letting him know that he had said to much. The young boy grins from ear to ear as he witnesses Lively being an asshole in person.
Lively: You know something Bob, you should be ashamed of yourself...your poor son shouldn't have me as a role model, in fact I am ashamed of you. I am the furthest thing a kid should see as someone to look up to. Here you have this little waste of sperm acting like me, wearing my merch. What kind of father are you?
Lively then back hand slaps the boys father knocking him down to his seat. Lively spits in the mans face, then turns to the young boy ripping his Michael Lively shirt right off of his back. Michael takes the shirt throwing it on the ground as the kid begins to cry. The kids father stands up grabbing his son looking at Lively with a rage.
Lively: What are you going to do...nothing you little bitch. You can't even parent your fucking son, a Michael Lively mark...this fucking kid should be marking out to jabrones like Pence "I'm A whine Ass Bitch" Weatherlight, or Jesse "I'm a Thug Ass Rapper" Nunez, but not Michael Lively...I'm calling the Child Protective Services on you, I bet you leave him in hot parked cars don't you, you miserable sack of shit, dead beat father!
The man covers his sons ears as Lively berates him. Michael Lively then clutches the microphone and rolls into the ring. The fans show their disapproval for Michael Lively in a very ear rattling way by threatening to crumble the structure of the buildings integrity with bass shaking boo's. The JESUS eats it up for these are the moments he lives for. A certified asshole, and grade A dick head, this arrogant son of bitch lives to piss in peoples Fruit Loops. The young fan and his father got a first hand experience of that, they surely will never forget. Lively walks over toward the middle of the ring looking directly into a cameraman starring at him. The man leans on the top rope with his arms as very non chaulantly holds the microphone to his mouth.
Lively: I make memories, ones that last a lifetime. The grandmother that caught a face full of JESUS saliva, to the wheel chair bound kid who just wanted to be a wrestler, the make a wish family who had a in home visit from Michael Lively, and now the father son combo. I take you and bring you into this sport, I give you things no other wrestler can give you. Sure catching a sweaty wrist band from Jesse Nunez is cool, if your going to run home and beat off to the smell of it. I think my full effect live experience for the fans is second to none, and I'm sure this kid will thank me when he gets older.
The fans shower Lively with more hate as they feel desperately bad for the kid who just got humiliated.
Lively: Now, onto some more important things. Things that take persistence over little shit like neglectful fathers. One Night In Hell, the PPV special where every match has a gimmick, every battle has a stipulation. Well the match made for me and BDC is one hell of a doozy. A Dog Collar Match. A match that has had a lot of history. Many of men have strapped a collar around their necks, let the chain connect the two, and beat the living shit out of each other. There is no leaving the match, no disqualification, the only way out is to simply beat the fuck cock snot out of your opponent, or wait until he does the same right back. It's a nasty match made for people who just can't seem to stand each other. Well BDC I can honestly say I fucking despise you. Some people will boast and brag about how much respect they have for legends, or their opponents. Not me because in my mind you are the furthest thing from a legend. You are a simple coat tail ridding, opportunist. Your actions prove just that. You didn't want this match, you didn't want any part of Michael Lively. Like the consistent pest I am, I found a way to get what I want. I struck the nerve of Max Carter, and that took us to last week. A best of three series that you wanted no part of. A best of three series that you simply quit on in the final event. It's cool BDC, I'm sure little penis fairies like that kid in the crowd believed your story about just wanting to whip my ass. I don't, you knew you were beaten and you decided to save face, and try to look like a bad ass. Well cunt face you proved to be even more of a douche-a-sore-ass then I already figured you to be.
Lively then turns to his right where a camera man is standing on the apron to shoot another angle. Lively gives this camera a glare of his chiseled heavenly face as he continues on.
Lively: It makes no difference what size the pussy is, what flavor, or how old...the JESUS can fuck them all. The match was booked, the contract signed, the B loody D umb C unt versus Michael Lively. The semi retired, washed up slap dick has laced up the boots once more to take on the ultra rugged, super extremely talented, Michael Mother Fucking Lively. A battle fit for PPV, a match that I thought would be seriously high ratting.
Michael Lively then lets out a sigh of disappointment.
Lively: The further I got into this thing, the more disappointed I grew. None the less here we are in October, a month that welcomes in so much. The leaves begin to turn, as the weather shifts to a dull chill. Pumpkin patches begin to pop up, as parking lots fill with trailers converted to haunted houses. Little children all over America overcome with excitement as they choose costumes and masks. One night a year they pretend to be something they are not, roam the streets and beg for candy. Funny enough that brings me to BDC. The man spends time all year pretending to be a living legend...which he is not. The man walks around with his little mask on begging for peoples attention. This grown jack-wad is just like a little fat kid stuffing himself into Star Wars costume, everyone knows full well you are not Darth Vader, well unless Darth Vader shrunk about seven and half inches, cleaned out the pantry of Death Star leaving not one moon pie for R2D2. The same goes for BDC, you can pretend all day and night that you were once the best thing going, a true impact player. From where I stand you are nothing. The only thing you have accomplished in APW is about the same thing Joe Martinez has, accumulate a nice pile of shit that seems to empty out of your mouth every couple of weeks.
I mean seriously, what have you done...nevermind I don't need a laundry list of your accomplishments because they were from some other fed. I can pull off the same thing...in the Jack-Off Wrestling federation I was thirty seven time world champion, and then I jumped from that company to another company called World Wussy Wrestling Organization where I won the world title and held it until the company folded. Wait don't forget that time I held every title that the Pussafied Fight Club of America had at once, and never lost a match, because I am soooo the best.
Lively rolls his eyes.
Lively: You see BDC, all your past means jack shit to me. In fact you mean jack shit, and right at this very moment I am ashamed of myself. You see I bought into you false hype right from the gate. I had these illusions that to become a legend you must first beat one. Well I have taken out many of folks in the APW, and after Sunday I will have still yet to beat a legend. I have come to realize you aren't a legend, your career doesn't amount to shit in my eyes. You are just another broken old fuck who thinks he has what it takes to stand and bang with the current roster. Well Geritol, this young buck has a lot of fight in him. It will be interesting none the less to see how you hold up. I can't wait to see if your joints give out, or possibly if your bladder looses control. You could be the first man I made piss himself during a match. I know at your age things begin shutting down. Your grip isn't what it once was, which has forced your cock to tuck inside from lack of usage, which then in turn has made those droopy balls between your legs a simple decoration. I say a decoration because you failed to use them. I called you out, and first challenged you to a match, you tried to ignore me. All along we know you were like that kid in school who tries to walk on past the bully hoping they just leave him alone. Well I wasn't going anywhere big man, until I got my match. Now that I have it I wish I had ignored you because this is simply a match suited for the under card. You are a pussy who wants no confrontation, no problems. Right from the gate you proved to me BDC that when you get old, you begin to die from the inside. It starts with your heart. I know for a fact that you are far from a legend, but I can admit that you had one hell of a heart. In your time you would have leaped into the ring with me the second I called you out. Now you just sit back in that rocking chair swaying to and fro as a broken shell of what you used to be. A mid card, sub standard, unoriginal, hack wrestler. Now if thats you in your prime, I'd say I'm fighting a real sack of shit this Sunday.
I know right now you are wishing that I would back out, maybe spare you the embarrassment of wrestling such a stud like myself. Hell the thought has crossed my mind too, I mean I have already beaten Joe Martinez, Jason Royce like ten times, why destroy another jobber. Luckily my pay is great, and the match was booked, and I never back out, so I guess I will add BDC to the list of no talents that have fallen under my mighty boot. You can bet your bottom dollar there gramps that I will not take it easy on your wrinkled ass. I will punish you from bell to bell. Your forgetful old brain will wonder "WHY ARE WE HERE, DIDN'T WE GIVE THIS SHIT UP?". When you think you can not take any more, I will surely show you that yes, your body is definitely in store for another round. The ass whippings will be dolled out in large quantities at One Night In Hell. Your candy sack will be full of shattered dentures, your busted ass hair piece, and soiled depends. This will be a pleasure for me, something to add to my list of accomplishments. I have beat champions, former champions, no talents, women, retards, the handicapped, and now I'm racking up the elderly.
Hell I even kicked the shit out of the Octomom, you talk about One Night In Hell, this Sunday is going to be a frickin picnic compared to that.
BDC I'm not sure what is left for me to say. I feel like I have dominated this conversation, hell this entire little feud. The entire time it's like you haven't even been around, I have been poking and prodding you while all you could do is hide in the corner. Stand in the shadows hoping for this nightmare to just disappear. Well Halloween is almost over, and it only lasts for one special night...just like the PPV, it's simply One Night In Hell. Maybe it'll be Hell for you, but a party for me...cause I'm the JESUS...I fucking own Hell!! So pack your bags, squeeze into those old leather pants that your used to sport to the ring...clip on the suspenders so they don't fall down from the pressure of your old man gut leaning on them. Take out those shades...you know the ones...that pair that transformed you from Chris "I lick the Duck butter from Julian Bales Balls" Defoe into the one and only "Big Daddy Cool".
Lively mockingly trembles in fear
Lively: Don't bust me up! Well there is no room in Hell for cool, unless your tired ass is going to dress as a pitcher of red fruit punch for Halloween, smash through walls, and try and spill Kool Aid on children screaming "OH YEAH". Either way it's pointless, you are pointless, this entire feud was pointless...but not for nothing...because through it all we have weeded out another fraudulent old wrestler who claimed to be great...dissproved his accomplishments. Hopefully the APW Hall of Fame Commission realizes you can not be inducted into the wrestling hall of fame for simply juggling mens testicles with your tongue. BDC, I'm Michael Lively...some say I'm JESUS like, others think I'm an asshole...I simply know that I am The Hottest Shit Going, and you can't even compete in my league huckabilly bad ass. The truth will sadly slap that liver spotted cheek of yours this sunday...it will sting...but after the pain goes away you'll thank me for saving you from this charade you have been living in. The pressure will be relieved, no longer will you have to run from the reality...people can finally see Chris Defoe as he truly is....a filthy, no talent, dick whistling, douche bag!
Michael Lively simply drops the microphone over his shoulder before outstretching his arms for the I am JESUS pose. This makes the fans erupt into hate, and they in unison begin a "FUCK YOU JESUS" chant as the show goes to commercial.
