Post by biggs on Mar 24, 2012 13:34:57 GMT -4
“Sexy and I Know It” blares as the words TOO HOT TO HANDLE flash across a pink leopard print background. The video then switches to “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante and “Stunning” Stan Everdeen, who appear to be in a private jet, along with about 15 strangers, all of them dressed in bright colors. A wild party is going on, with loud music, lots of confetti and streamers, and drinks a-flowing! Somehow, one of the guests has a lampshade on their head! The Studmuffins have to yell to be heard over the party.
Stan: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the latest episode of Too Hot To Handle, your semi-weekly dose of all things studly! I am “Stunning” Stan Everdeen, alongside my partner, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante, and we are the APW Tag Team Champions, The Studmuffins! We are somewhere over the state of North Dakota, and we're having the time of our lives as we prepare for RassleMania with a pre-pay-per-view party!
Sr. Guapo: We are a mile high, and partying like there's no tomorrow, because very soon, we'll be making our RassleMania debuts! Also, considering that we kind of took the plane without Biggs' permission, we have some serious doubts about how happy he's going to be with us! But it is worth it, to get to party with all our amigos!
Stan: Now don't think that just because we're partying hard and having a great time that we aren't focused for our upcoming Four Corners Tag Team Elimination Match with our Tag Team Championships on the line tomorrow night! The fact is, we've been so focused on training and preparing ourselves mentally and physically for what will no doubt be a brutal contest, that we figured we might as well use the one time where we don't have the opportunity to train to live it up! Because, quite frankly, it's not healthy to focus solely on our careers, as important as they are to us. An unbalanced life can do more harm than good. Just look at the Martyrs of Madness!
Now they had to become Mad somehow, and one theory we have is that they just didn't take the time to help themselves. In Rico's case, he's become so intensely focused on his career without balancing it with a social life or any other outside activities that he's become one of the most delusional men in all of wrestling! He legitimately thinks that Asylum is “his kingdom,” and that he somehow rules the people. The only way he could be more batty is if he comes out in robes and a crown, calling himself King Rico!
Sr. Guapo: And Mike Morrison, well, he was probably already muy loco to begin with, but in trying to present himself as some sort of anti-social oddball, he actually became said anti-social oddball! Now Biggs may disagree with us, but we feel that having fun like this is just as important to our match preparation as working out and increasing our talent in the ring!
Stan: Don't get us wrong, we love wrestling! We wouldn't be in this business if we didn't, but the fact of the matter is that if you aren't having fun, you aren't living! And we feel that this balanced perspective on our lives can only help us. The Martyrs have literally driven themselves mad in their pursuit of greatness, while the SoCal Gangstas have seemingly put zero focus on their in-ring work, just trying to look tough as all get out to little success. And the Hometown Heroes, well they haven't even been trying that, just kind of floating through life.
The reason we have had such success as a tag team is because just like our balanced lives, as a team, Armando and I are the most balanced team in the bunch! With my raw power and technical prowess, not only can I counter every attempt at offense my opponents can throw at me, but I can utterly beat and bruise them while doing so! And Armando is perhaps even more technically skilled than me with a quickness and speed that rivals that of our manager Biggs in his wrestling days, and you have a perfectly balanced team ready to face any challenge that comes our way! Our opponents are good, okay, the Martyrs are good, and the Hometown Heroes have potential to be good if they'd just show up mentally, but none of the other teams in this match can boast the complimentary strengths that we have!
The Martyrs of Madness seem to do one thing, and do it really well, and that's beat the snot out of people. There's little finesse, little grace in the way they do things, and while it's been effective for them against lesser teams, they can't hope to be so one-dimensional against us and expect to leave with our Tag Team Titles!
Sr. Guapo: And The SoCal Gangstas even more one-dimensional, brawling like tontos baracho, but without any of the skill of the Martyrs! If we can counter the Martyrs, we can easily counter the Gangstas. Perhaps the only team that could even hope to claim to have a similarly balanced attack as us is also the team that has been making itself scarce as of late, The Hometown Heroes. No other equipo in this match can match up with us in this way!
Stan: Our point is this, we are simply the best team in this match, and considering that it's for the APW Tag Team Championships, which we wear so handsomely around our waists, that is what matters, who is the best team! I know that we've been hammering this point home again and again, but it's really what this all boils down to! The SoCal Gangstas and the Hometown Heroes haven't shown us any reason thus far to think that they could have any claim to being that, and while the Martyrs of Madness have strung together an impressive series of victories over lesser teams, the fact is that none of those teams are still in APW! They simply couldn't cut it at this level, and the Martyrs made them pay. When we wrestled the Martyrs four weeks ago with the Tag Team Titles on the line, we saw that they were a very talented tandem, but for all their momentum, for all their victories, we showed that while they're good, they're not great! As their victories kept piling up against lesser teams, their confidence kept rising and rising, perhaps to a point of pure arrogance, where they view themselves as being better than they actually are. And we can't fault the Martyrs for the lack of competition, because quite frankly, outside of ourselves and The Martyrs, the APW Tag Team Division is sorely lacking, but the fact is that once they faced an actual team worth a darn, they lost, plain and simple. Now I'm not saying that they can't beat us, I'm not saying that we're unbeatable, I'm just saying that The Studmuffins are a higher class of competition than the Martyrs are used to facing, and if they really want out belts, they're going to have to raise their game accordingly!
Sr. Guapo: We'll be honest, we can be just as guilty of the attitude of superiority that the Martyrs feel towards the rest of the Tag Team Division, pero unlike the Martyrs, we will not make the mistake of overlooking the other two teams in the match. We may not think highly of the SoCal Gangstas, in fact, we hate them very much, but we aren't so arrogant to think that they can't at least have some adverse affect on the match-up. They say that the most dangerous people are those with nothing to lose, and considering that nobody has even the smallest, tiniest bit of respecto por los SoCal Gangstas, well, then they literally have nothing to lose! Even if they're the first team eliminated, it won't change what people think about them, so they could be coming into this match simply with the motive of trying to hurt somebody. Since they know their chances of walking away with the belts are mas pequeño than a flea, they're probably just looking to come out and make some sort of noise that tells us that they don't give a care that they can't win, they just want to be noticed!
And the Hometown Heroes, they're acting like they're just happy to be at RassleMania! Being on the card at RassleMania is a big deal, absolutely huge, but if you go into a match thinking that just being there in itself is an accomplishment, well, you're not really aiming very high, just setting yourself up por the fall! And that's exactly why the Hometown Heroes, as much as we like them as people, have no chance of defeating us in this match!
Stan: Once again, we have to state that in all honesty, this match is really just between us and the Martyrs with the other two teams equating to window dressing. They might be capable of some damage, but ultimately, we need to be focused on being able to put the Martyrs away. If we can get in a situation where they are the first team eliminated, that could only help us! Granted, the inverse of that is true as well, that if we somehow end up getting eliminated either first or second, then a victory for the Martyrs is all but assured. But let's be honest, here, it's going to take the fluke of flukes for either of the other two teams to be able to pin us or the Martyrs. So Rico Casteel, Mike Morrison, know this, we are gunning for you! We aren't saying that the other two teams aren't on our radar, what we are saying is that you have been the primary focus of our training, the primary focus of our research. We've been watching your matches, studying your tendencies as a team. Biggs is our manager, so you know that our prep work is second to none! We may love to party, but we love to win just as much, if not more!
At this point, either a Charlie Sheen look-a-like, or the actual man himself, it's hard to tell, pops into view, jumping right in front of the Studs.
”Charlie Sheen:” WINNING! DUH!
Sr. Guapo shoves him out of the way to continue talking.
Sr. Guapo: Get out of here, Charlie! We're filming!
He pops back on screen.
”Charlie Sheen:” Why do you think I said winning? It's not like I go around my everyday life, consuming Tiger Blood and shouting out winning for the heck of it! I want the attention!
Stan can be seen grabbing the camera, and the Studs walk to the back of the plane, whispering amongst themselves.
Stan: Did you invite him, Armando?
Sr. Guapo: No, I thought you did!
Stan: How the heck did he get on the plane then!?
”Charlie Sheen:” Because I'm winning, duh!
At this, Sr. Guapo just decks the Charlie Sheen look-a-like right in the face, knocking him out cold! The rest of the party goers cheer wildly as Stan and Sr. Guapo give him a few stomps for good measure!
Sr. Guapo: Lo siento, los caballeros y caballeras, he was very annoying! Now we can talk until the cows come to la casa, but we have one advantage that all the other teams don't have, and that is our fans! Our manager Biggs would downplay the fact that we have the support of the fans, saying that ultimately, it's up to us to perform in that ring at a level that can help us to achieve victory, and while that it is true that we are ultimately responsible for how well we do in the ring, we cannot discount how much it inspires us to perform, how much it helps us knowing that each and every one of you in Indianapolis and watching around the world will be cheering us on! It means the world to us to have your support, especially all you sexy ladies out there!
Stan: Tomorrow night at RassleMania, we will be bringing our A-Game! We party hard, be we wrestler harder, and when we're on, there's not a team in the world that can beat us! SoCal Gangstas, Hometown Heroes, and Martyrs of Madness, if you don't already have them, you might want to swing by a store in Indianapolis to pick up some oven mitts, because when you face us tomorrow night, you will find out first hand that we are...
Both: TOO HOT TO HANDLE!
“Sexy and I Know It” begins to play again, and the Studmuffins dance with their friends. The screen fades to black as the APW logo and copyright appear at the bottom of the screen.
The plane lands in Indianapolis, and as the Studmuffins exit, they are greeted by two Indianapolis State Police Officers.
Police Officer: Armando Asante and Stan Everdeen?
Sr. Guapo: Ci, that's us. Is there a problem officers?
The two police whip out handcuffs and begin to read the Studs their Miranda Rights.
Police Officer: The plane you arrived in has been reported as stolen, and you two are under arrest!
Stan: Man, Biggs called it in! Party foul!
Sr. Guapo: No me digas!
The Studmuffins don't put up a fight as they get cuffed and escorted into the police vehicle. The sirens blare as the cops drive off with the Studs in the back.
Stan: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the latest episode of Too Hot To Handle, your semi-weekly dose of all things studly! I am “Stunning” Stan Everdeen, alongside my partner, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante, and we are the APW Tag Team Champions, The Studmuffins! We are somewhere over the state of North Dakota, and we're having the time of our lives as we prepare for RassleMania with a pre-pay-per-view party!
Sr. Guapo: We are a mile high, and partying like there's no tomorrow, because very soon, we'll be making our RassleMania debuts! Also, considering that we kind of took the plane without Biggs' permission, we have some serious doubts about how happy he's going to be with us! But it is worth it, to get to party with all our amigos!
Stan: Now don't think that just because we're partying hard and having a great time that we aren't focused for our upcoming Four Corners Tag Team Elimination Match with our Tag Team Championships on the line tomorrow night! The fact is, we've been so focused on training and preparing ourselves mentally and physically for what will no doubt be a brutal contest, that we figured we might as well use the one time where we don't have the opportunity to train to live it up! Because, quite frankly, it's not healthy to focus solely on our careers, as important as they are to us. An unbalanced life can do more harm than good. Just look at the Martyrs of Madness!
Now they had to become Mad somehow, and one theory we have is that they just didn't take the time to help themselves. In Rico's case, he's become so intensely focused on his career without balancing it with a social life or any other outside activities that he's become one of the most delusional men in all of wrestling! He legitimately thinks that Asylum is “his kingdom,” and that he somehow rules the people. The only way he could be more batty is if he comes out in robes and a crown, calling himself King Rico!
Sr. Guapo: And Mike Morrison, well, he was probably already muy loco to begin with, but in trying to present himself as some sort of anti-social oddball, he actually became said anti-social oddball! Now Biggs may disagree with us, but we feel that having fun like this is just as important to our match preparation as working out and increasing our talent in the ring!
Stan: Don't get us wrong, we love wrestling! We wouldn't be in this business if we didn't, but the fact of the matter is that if you aren't having fun, you aren't living! And we feel that this balanced perspective on our lives can only help us. The Martyrs have literally driven themselves mad in their pursuit of greatness, while the SoCal Gangstas have seemingly put zero focus on their in-ring work, just trying to look tough as all get out to little success. And the Hometown Heroes, well they haven't even been trying that, just kind of floating through life.
The reason we have had such success as a tag team is because just like our balanced lives, as a team, Armando and I are the most balanced team in the bunch! With my raw power and technical prowess, not only can I counter every attempt at offense my opponents can throw at me, but I can utterly beat and bruise them while doing so! And Armando is perhaps even more technically skilled than me with a quickness and speed that rivals that of our manager Biggs in his wrestling days, and you have a perfectly balanced team ready to face any challenge that comes our way! Our opponents are good, okay, the Martyrs are good, and the Hometown Heroes have potential to be good if they'd just show up mentally, but none of the other teams in this match can boast the complimentary strengths that we have!
The Martyrs of Madness seem to do one thing, and do it really well, and that's beat the snot out of people. There's little finesse, little grace in the way they do things, and while it's been effective for them against lesser teams, they can't hope to be so one-dimensional against us and expect to leave with our Tag Team Titles!
Sr. Guapo: And The SoCal Gangstas even more one-dimensional, brawling like tontos baracho, but without any of the skill of the Martyrs! If we can counter the Martyrs, we can easily counter the Gangstas. Perhaps the only team that could even hope to claim to have a similarly balanced attack as us is also the team that has been making itself scarce as of late, The Hometown Heroes. No other equipo in this match can match up with us in this way!
Stan: Our point is this, we are simply the best team in this match, and considering that it's for the APW Tag Team Championships, which we wear so handsomely around our waists, that is what matters, who is the best team! I know that we've been hammering this point home again and again, but it's really what this all boils down to! The SoCal Gangstas and the Hometown Heroes haven't shown us any reason thus far to think that they could have any claim to being that, and while the Martyrs of Madness have strung together an impressive series of victories over lesser teams, the fact is that none of those teams are still in APW! They simply couldn't cut it at this level, and the Martyrs made them pay. When we wrestled the Martyrs four weeks ago with the Tag Team Titles on the line, we saw that they were a very talented tandem, but for all their momentum, for all their victories, we showed that while they're good, they're not great! As their victories kept piling up against lesser teams, their confidence kept rising and rising, perhaps to a point of pure arrogance, where they view themselves as being better than they actually are. And we can't fault the Martyrs for the lack of competition, because quite frankly, outside of ourselves and The Martyrs, the APW Tag Team Division is sorely lacking, but the fact is that once they faced an actual team worth a darn, they lost, plain and simple. Now I'm not saying that they can't beat us, I'm not saying that we're unbeatable, I'm just saying that The Studmuffins are a higher class of competition than the Martyrs are used to facing, and if they really want out belts, they're going to have to raise their game accordingly!
Sr. Guapo: We'll be honest, we can be just as guilty of the attitude of superiority that the Martyrs feel towards the rest of the Tag Team Division, pero unlike the Martyrs, we will not make the mistake of overlooking the other two teams in the match. We may not think highly of the SoCal Gangstas, in fact, we hate them very much, but we aren't so arrogant to think that they can't at least have some adverse affect on the match-up. They say that the most dangerous people are those with nothing to lose, and considering that nobody has even the smallest, tiniest bit of respecto por los SoCal Gangstas, well, then they literally have nothing to lose! Even if they're the first team eliminated, it won't change what people think about them, so they could be coming into this match simply with the motive of trying to hurt somebody. Since they know their chances of walking away with the belts are mas pequeño than a flea, they're probably just looking to come out and make some sort of noise that tells us that they don't give a care that they can't win, they just want to be noticed!
And the Hometown Heroes, they're acting like they're just happy to be at RassleMania! Being on the card at RassleMania is a big deal, absolutely huge, but if you go into a match thinking that just being there in itself is an accomplishment, well, you're not really aiming very high, just setting yourself up por the fall! And that's exactly why the Hometown Heroes, as much as we like them as people, have no chance of defeating us in this match!
Stan: Once again, we have to state that in all honesty, this match is really just between us and the Martyrs with the other two teams equating to window dressing. They might be capable of some damage, but ultimately, we need to be focused on being able to put the Martyrs away. If we can get in a situation where they are the first team eliminated, that could only help us! Granted, the inverse of that is true as well, that if we somehow end up getting eliminated either first or second, then a victory for the Martyrs is all but assured. But let's be honest, here, it's going to take the fluke of flukes for either of the other two teams to be able to pin us or the Martyrs. So Rico Casteel, Mike Morrison, know this, we are gunning for you! We aren't saying that the other two teams aren't on our radar, what we are saying is that you have been the primary focus of our training, the primary focus of our research. We've been watching your matches, studying your tendencies as a team. Biggs is our manager, so you know that our prep work is second to none! We may love to party, but we love to win just as much, if not more!
At this point, either a Charlie Sheen look-a-like, or the actual man himself, it's hard to tell, pops into view, jumping right in front of the Studs.
”Charlie Sheen:” WINNING! DUH!
Sr. Guapo shoves him out of the way to continue talking.
Sr. Guapo: Get out of here, Charlie! We're filming!
He pops back on screen.
”Charlie Sheen:” Why do you think I said winning? It's not like I go around my everyday life, consuming Tiger Blood and shouting out winning for the heck of it! I want the attention!
Stan can be seen grabbing the camera, and the Studs walk to the back of the plane, whispering amongst themselves.
Stan: Did you invite him, Armando?
Sr. Guapo: No, I thought you did!
Stan: How the heck did he get on the plane then!?
”Charlie Sheen:” Because I'm winning, duh!
At this, Sr. Guapo just decks the Charlie Sheen look-a-like right in the face, knocking him out cold! The rest of the party goers cheer wildly as Stan and Sr. Guapo give him a few stomps for good measure!
Sr. Guapo: Lo siento, los caballeros y caballeras, he was very annoying! Now we can talk until the cows come to la casa, but we have one advantage that all the other teams don't have, and that is our fans! Our manager Biggs would downplay the fact that we have the support of the fans, saying that ultimately, it's up to us to perform in that ring at a level that can help us to achieve victory, and while that it is true that we are ultimately responsible for how well we do in the ring, we cannot discount how much it inspires us to perform, how much it helps us knowing that each and every one of you in Indianapolis and watching around the world will be cheering us on! It means the world to us to have your support, especially all you sexy ladies out there!
Stan: Tomorrow night at RassleMania, we will be bringing our A-Game! We party hard, be we wrestler harder, and when we're on, there's not a team in the world that can beat us! SoCal Gangstas, Hometown Heroes, and Martyrs of Madness, if you don't already have them, you might want to swing by a store in Indianapolis to pick up some oven mitts, because when you face us tomorrow night, you will find out first hand that we are...
Both: TOO HOT TO HANDLE!
“Sexy and I Know It” begins to play again, and the Studmuffins dance with their friends. The screen fades to black as the APW logo and copyright appear at the bottom of the screen.
***
The plane lands in Indianapolis, and as the Studmuffins exit, they are greeted by two Indianapolis State Police Officers.
Police Officer: Armando Asante and Stan Everdeen?
Sr. Guapo: Ci, that's us. Is there a problem officers?
The two police whip out handcuffs and begin to read the Studs their Miranda Rights.
Police Officer: The plane you arrived in has been reported as stolen, and you two are under arrest!
Stan: Man, Biggs called it in! Party foul!
Sr. Guapo: No me digas!
The Studmuffins don't put up a fight as they get cuffed and escorted into the police vehicle. The sirens blare as the cops drive off with the Studs in the back.
