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Post by The Hitman on May 2, 2012 18:43:23 GMT -4
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Post by The Hitman on May 5, 2012 8:40:03 GMT -4
Bump
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Post by Slade "The Main Man" Craven on May 5, 2012 9:25:05 GMT -4
As promised sir, (sorry been busy wiritng things for the next few shows)
You have excellent storytelling capabilities. A few things to focus on that will polish your delivery.
Color: Help ease readers through your roleplays. Im guilty of this too. Find complimentry colors that are soft on the eyes.
Try italicizing flashbacks to help distinguish past and present. Your 'present' is also written in past tense. For the example below I will keep your tense. The horizontal rule is a good start, but past tense or off screen dialogue is usually written in different styles for readers.
Active Voice: "The window next to Steve Stryker’s head was broken open. Stryker jumped up from bed to peer out the window. No one was there, and no other noises were heard except from the traffic on the street." Instead try- "Steve Stryker awoke to find the window broke. He lept from the bed and peered out the hole in the glass. He couldn't see anyone. No noises either, none except the traffic on the street"
Passive voice is hard to write around; however, it makes your roleplays more compelling.
I hope this helps and good luck on your match this week.
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Post by The Hitman on May 6, 2012 13:28:24 GMT -4
Thanks man. I definitely know what you're saying. I think it's because I wasn't feeling like I was telling it in a present narrator in mind. More like it's a story that was being recalled.
I plan on trying a bunch of different styles while I'm figuring everything out here. I was definitely writing this one as more of a short story than anything else. But I see everyone else cutting such concise promos, I'll probably give that a shot next time around.
Thanks again.
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