Post by Michael Callahan on May 3, 2012 18:53:24 GMT -4
Today's adventure for Benny Horrowitz on this fine, sunny May afternoon takes place in the hottest British export since Dita Morgan. Dare you ask what such an incredible ex-pat be? Well the answer is simple. It's none-other than middle to high end fashion outlet Topshop and its' sister brand Topman. Once known for having its flag flown by the delightful and semi-invisible Kate Moss, it's got an incredibly strong cult following in Middle Britain in the form of all the vile trendies who think that “The Joy Division” were the most inspirational band ever and mindlessly wear whatever generic supermodel they print on a t-shirt with heartbreakingly arrogant vim.
No longer are the twin demons of Top Shop and Top Man confined solely to merry old England though. Through the profiteering of Mickey Mouse sweaters and god-awful hats that not even Ryan from High School Musical would shame himself with wearing they have since expanded their operations all around the world with stores in Japan, Canada and of course the USA. It's in this dishearteningly vacant and unsatisfying branch of the conceited empire of modern male fashion that the ironically enough conceited, vacant and unsatisfying “Manhattan Shogun” finds himself in today. With a day all to himself away from the noise, drinking and training that comes with being a straight up G, Benny has decided to treat himself after his hard-fought victory over Dita Morgan with some new duds so he can look extra swag this coming Monday.
As we join our hero, he's in the midst of recounting to his friends a heavily fictitious version of the trip he made to Starbucks last week. He's made some important tactical substitutions in this rendition what with replacing the shotgun-wielding assistant manager with an 9'0 tall black man he managed to beat up and the “gagging for it barista” who wasn't quivering in fear behind the counter at his unnecessary threats.
Benny Horrowitz: -and then this fly ass hoe strolls her way over to me and says, “Lemme guess, peppermint hot cocoa with the iced mango smoothie and cream cheese bagel. I can tell a stud like you got taste.” and I was like, fo' sho baby girl, made sure to reach over the counter and slap her tasty little ass for good measure and-
In all of his rushed excitement to tell the story, he completely forgot that one of his accomplices was actually there with him when the whole saga happened and was fully aware of the porkies he was telling. Not only that but he was hard as nails so he was more than happy to “enlighten” them both on the truth of the matter.
Thug 1: You realise I was there when that didn't happen right? When the assistant manager pulled a gun on you?
What do you do when you get caught with your pants down in the midst of a bad lie? You come clean an-You lie about it further.
Benny Horrowitz: Bitch, don't interrupt me. That was another time. I go Starbucks like every day cause I got the green for it.
Howling with laughter at Benny's inconsistent and erratic nature, the two thugs can barely contain their amusement at Benny's embarrassment and his reaction to being called out on it. Dropping his head and hoping that it all goes away, he's sadly mistaken as his other friend is straight in with another verbal jab to his exposed ego.
Thug 2: Do you get banned and threatened at gunpoint every time?
Benny Horrowitz: Don't make me whoop both your asses. I will throw down the shaolin on you punks if I have to. You saw what I did to that fine ass chick Dita last week. I put the spankin' on her like she ain't never had it before and now because the Meltdown people seen how trill I am they're putting me in the main event with a guy who's going for the North American Championship. If I win, that makes me the guy. Everyone knows I'm DA GUY.
An unimpressed employee of Topman glances uncomfortable at these three angry, young Asian men and their vulgar and threatening nature and just about manages to cast a wry shrug at them. She's a stocky looking gothic type with a lip piercing and long, sleek locks of chemically enhanced jet black hair who wants nothing more than for her shift to end peacefully and without violence. Oh how misguided can she be?
Assisant Saleswoman: Excuse me sir, how many items are you trying on?
Benny Horrowitz: Eight? I'm payin' for them all but I gotta' see how I swag I look in this shit first. I ain't never been here before and wanna make sure these threads look good before I purchase. Try before I buy and all that. Nah mean?
Assistant Saleswoman: I'm afraid you can only take six items in at any one time.
Baffled at the fascism against fashion on display at this Topman establishment, Benny's wide hazel eyes tell the story of his utter disbelief. The gothica sales rep simply stares him straight back in the eyes, unflinching in the face of Sidewinder who's trying so hard not to flip out.
Benny Horrowitz: The Hell? Why?
Assistant Saleswoman: We have to give out these token cards and the numbers only go up to six. It's store policy to only let customers go in with six items of clothing.
Benny Horrowitz: Listen bitch I ain't got much time and I need to-
Never in her short life has she resigned herself to taking backtalk and she's not about to start any time soon. With a swift, verbal palm slap to the jugular, she quickly asserts her dominance.
Assistant Saleswoman: Don't call me a bitch.
Benny Horrowitz: I only call you bitch 'cause I don't know your name. You know the score hoe.
Assistant Saleswoman: Don't call me a hoe either. Do I have to call security? You're on the verge of verbal abuse.
Benny Horrowitz: Look, don't press my buttons here. I don't take well to store bitches getting' mouthy with me. I'm tryin' ta' be reasonable here.
Assistant Saleswoman: My name is Zoe. And stop calling me a bitch!
Benny Horrowitz: Alright... Zoe, listen. I wasn't calling you a bitch, I mean “store bitches”, like, people in your position but aren't necessarily you.
Before Benny can further dig own grave, his “good buddy” decides to throw another shovel of dirt out the way so that Benny can well and truly “ingratiate himself” with this sales rep.
Thug 1: Yeah, the other day he threw a full cup of Starbucks peppermint hot cocoa at some poor young thing.
Zoe: Really? Oh my. They don't even make peppermint hot coco this time of year.
Once an ocean of calm and collected. Now an angry tidal wave of frustrated and unstable. Benny swings his one free arm wildly in a vague attempt to seem threatening but all it achieves is a small, amused chuckle from this slight gothic girl.
Benny Horrowitz: First of all, I threw it in her general direction but not explicitly at her. I deliberately missed ma'am, I'm not a violent person. And you shut the fuck up Jaa. I'm not taking your bull right now. Now, Zoe, why can't you let me in with eight items?
Zoe: Because store policy only allows six maximum and our number tags identify that.
Benny Horrowitz: Can't you just give me a six and a two and be done with it? I haven't got time to go take all that stuff back.
Zoe: But you have time to stand here and argue and call me derogatory names and insult my profession? If you'd have just given your stuff to one of your little friends to hold and stopped arguing with me you could've been in and out and paying up already.
Benny Horrowitz: It's not the point. It's the principle that you're enforcing some arbitrary bullshit rule on me because I'm Chinese and you don't like the way I talk. If this were one of your white girlfriends you'd be like “Oh sure, take a six and a two. Hell, why don't you take a six and a six and then slip some stuff out? I'll give the security guy a blowjob so he's not watching the cameras!” Topman makes me god damn sick.
Zoe: Do you have anything else to add or should I just call security now?
Benny Horrowitz: Fuck it. I'll play ball. Jaa, hold these two pairs of jeans for me?
Zoe: Oh no, you think you're getting in after “Giving the security guy a blowjob while my white girlfriends steal stuff”? You can go fuck yourself. Either buy them and find that your head is far too oversized to fit through the hole of that Kermit the Frog sweater or put them back where you found them. You're not getting to try out anything.
Benny Horrowitz: Why you gotta' play that?
Zoe: Because I'm a trick-ass hoe and you're keeping me from getting a security guard inside my dome with this bullshit. I should've been on break five minutes ago.
Benny Horrowitz: I hate you so much.
Zoe: Feeling is mututal.
Benny Horrowitz: Wanna go get coffee sometime?
Zoe: No.
Benny Horrowitz: Word. I'll go pay.
Disheartened and rejected, Benny “hmpfs” and quickly starts making his way over towards the counter to pay for his goods. Both of his boys give Zoe the look over as they leave but don't stare for long as they go and join their friend at the counter. With yet another episode of awkward encounters with random members of staff over with, one has to wonder how long Benny will go on alienating himself from the modern consumerist world before he ends up getting punched right in his little angry face.
-
Having enjoyed another moment of outstaying his welcome in the finest clothing store that Great Britain has to offer but in Manhattan, Benny promptly returns back to his luxurious penthouse crib. Along with his friends Jaa and Chang, the two boys who'd previously seen Benny make an epic arse of himself in Topman, Benny had enjoyed snacks and beers back at his pad and was ready to start talking some serious game about his main event debut for next Meltdown. Wearing some of his new duds including the Kermit the Frog sweater and a shiny pair of stone-washed jeans, Benny looks damn good compared to his usual vest and scruff wearing self but he doesn't make as much of an effort in the arena as he does outside.
Benny's filming studio for the B-Blog was located where he feels most comfortable, his bedroom. His bed was visible in the background and Jaa was sprawled out across it with a game controller in his hand while Chang leant against the wall, casually sipping from the beer bottle in his hand. Benny himself was sat in front of the camera, fiddling with the sound system to make sure that everything was working when he was ready to start filming. With the flick of a button, Benny's camera quickly turned online and soon he was ready to spit fiyaaaah on his opponents and serve up some verbal abuse in his incredible linguistic wok. Benny always had words to spout at people whether they made sense or not and now, with the world as his audience and a camera in front of him he delivered a speech for the ages.
Let's hear what this man had to say.
Benny Horrowitz: 'eyo whatup crackers? It's your boy, B-17, the Flying Fortess, Big Benn, Benny H to the O to the R to the R to the O to the R, HORROR SHOW baby. The REAL Real Show, not like that fake ass Terry Marvin sucka. Yes, that's right. It's me, Benny Horrowitz back again with another one of my block-rockin' beats and today, I got all sortsa' shit to talk about so let's kick it old school as we shoot the breeze. As usual I got my two boys with me, Jaa and... Chang...? I think? Don't matter, they're here to agree with everything I say and make me look pimp. That understood?
Jaa: Sure, why not?
Chang: For real.
Benny Horrowitz: So y'all bitches out there saw what I did last week right? Watched in awe at how easily I disassembled your little hero chica Dita Morgan? That was the trillest beatdown I ever done committed before. None of y'all could believe it when I knocked her ass out with that Shotgun Knee. I saw people's hearts sink into the pit of their stomach when they realised that your boy, the one you all been doubtin', King Benny, The Sidewinder was just as lethal as he promised all y'all. I told y'all motherfuckers to get on my nuts and on this hype train but everybody doubted me. Now I'm stood tall, laughin' my ass off white Dita Morgan nurses a new face hole that I surgically created for her last week.
Chang: But boss, she won the war while you only won the battle. She made you look a total dick when you tried to get the extra one up on her.
Benny Horrowitz: Normally, I'd gat your ass down for having the nerve to speak out against The Sidewinder but for once I'mma agree with you. Your girl did get lucky last week and she made me look ridiculous in front of those people, so to her I say these humble words. Watch your ass little mama, because when you make a mockery of the Manhattan Shogun you get your just desserts. Ain't nobody be making me look like a wimp-ass 2008 looking skeet. I'm comin' for you Dita, and not in the same way I said last week. I mean legit, goin' in hard, again, not like last week to bust on your ass, again, not like-... Fuck it. Simply, I'm going to beat shit out of you for makin' me look a chump last week. So watch yourself.
With words like that, expect to see some heated fireworks between the beautiful Dita Morgan who's simply trying to get by in wrestling and the callous Benny Horrowitz who wants only to maim her for what she did. Her crime of course was little more than succeeding in protecting herself from Benny's heinous but badly attempted assault but the embarrassment that followed is enough to make Benny swear blind for vengeance.
Benny Horrowitz: Next order of the day is to talk about this real bitch Evan Envi. I feel bad for a boy. He came in lookin' swag as anything and then he went and got bitched out by that Sam Parker dude in front of everyone in the first ever main event of Meltdown. Now that's bad. That's real bad for him because not only am I a bajillion times the athlete he'll never be, I'm comin' off a hot win on that fine piece of limey chocha, Dita Morgan who from what I understand is still bedridden after I knocked that pretty little head of hers clean off her shoulders. Unlucky for you Ev, you're next in the firing line of The Shotgun Knee and a boy don't play with his aim. I shoot to kill for the thrill because I'm so ill.
Benny's keen eye for hyperbole is not neglected here. To say that Evan Envi was “bitched out” after the show-stealing main event contest between the man himself and “The Lone Star” Sam Parker is unfair on Benny's behalf given how much of a hotly anticipated and contested match it was. Nevertheless, Benny believes that anything shy of a win is a failure and to some extent he's right. His friendly words however won't help him gain any supporters, especially not in Evan Envi's camp to say the least.
Benny Horrowitz: No doubt Evan, you showed you got skills last week but your boy Benny goin' all the way to the top here. Johnny Diamond might think your Richard Simmons lookin' ass is worth gunnin' for the North American Championship at Mayhem but after you got done last week thanks to Lone Star and you pick up what's left of your shattered skull this week, JD will have no choice but to declare ME the third man in the match. I shot my load all over Dita Morgan last week but don't think there ain't enough Shotgun for you. Kurt Cobain ain't got shit on me because while he could only muster the one round, I can keep firing and firing until there ain't nothin' left but a Meltdown arena resemblin' Swiss cheese. I got more slug for your brain than Hermes ever had. So keep up with your boy and maybe, just maybe, you might live long enough to see me beat the man you're gonna' get humiliated in front of this week and take the North American Championship and bring it back home. SHO NUFF!
With another deep, enriching and inspiring speech from the whitest thing since crème freche, Benny Horrowitz brings the cut to an end with the flick of his hand. If you cut through all his tough talk and boisterous arrogance that comes with being a young, slightly wealthy urbanite that's ruthlessly embroiled with this facade of gangster culture, you can see that there is some validity in the statements he makes. Whether or not he'll be able to back up his claims and justify his deliberately offensive nature however is a question for another time. In the meantime, your boy Benny is gonna' go try on his new threads and hit the gym but we'll see in soon enough time whether or not he'll be able to put the equally arrogant man after his own heart, Evan Envi back in his place.
No longer are the twin demons of Top Shop and Top Man confined solely to merry old England though. Through the profiteering of Mickey Mouse sweaters and god-awful hats that not even Ryan from High School Musical would shame himself with wearing they have since expanded their operations all around the world with stores in Japan, Canada and of course the USA. It's in this dishearteningly vacant and unsatisfying branch of the conceited empire of modern male fashion that the ironically enough conceited, vacant and unsatisfying “Manhattan Shogun” finds himself in today. With a day all to himself away from the noise, drinking and training that comes with being a straight up G, Benny has decided to treat himself after his hard-fought victory over Dita Morgan with some new duds so he can look extra swag this coming Monday.
As we join our hero, he's in the midst of recounting to his friends a heavily fictitious version of the trip he made to Starbucks last week. He's made some important tactical substitutions in this rendition what with replacing the shotgun-wielding assistant manager with an 9'0 tall black man he managed to beat up and the “gagging for it barista” who wasn't quivering in fear behind the counter at his unnecessary threats.
Benny Horrowitz: -and then this fly ass hoe strolls her way over to me and says, “Lemme guess, peppermint hot cocoa with the iced mango smoothie and cream cheese bagel. I can tell a stud like you got taste.” and I was like, fo' sho baby girl, made sure to reach over the counter and slap her tasty little ass for good measure and-
In all of his rushed excitement to tell the story, he completely forgot that one of his accomplices was actually there with him when the whole saga happened and was fully aware of the porkies he was telling. Not only that but he was hard as nails so he was more than happy to “enlighten” them both on the truth of the matter.
Thug 1: You realise I was there when that didn't happen right? When the assistant manager pulled a gun on you?
What do you do when you get caught with your pants down in the midst of a bad lie? You come clean an-You lie about it further.
Benny Horrowitz: Bitch, don't interrupt me. That was another time. I go Starbucks like every day cause I got the green for it.
Howling with laughter at Benny's inconsistent and erratic nature, the two thugs can barely contain their amusement at Benny's embarrassment and his reaction to being called out on it. Dropping his head and hoping that it all goes away, he's sadly mistaken as his other friend is straight in with another verbal jab to his exposed ego.
Thug 2: Do you get banned and threatened at gunpoint every time?
Benny Horrowitz: Don't make me whoop both your asses. I will throw down the shaolin on you punks if I have to. You saw what I did to that fine ass chick Dita last week. I put the spankin' on her like she ain't never had it before and now because the Meltdown people seen how trill I am they're putting me in the main event with a guy who's going for the North American Championship. If I win, that makes me the guy. Everyone knows I'm DA GUY.
An unimpressed employee of Topman glances uncomfortable at these three angry, young Asian men and their vulgar and threatening nature and just about manages to cast a wry shrug at them. She's a stocky looking gothic type with a lip piercing and long, sleek locks of chemically enhanced jet black hair who wants nothing more than for her shift to end peacefully and without violence. Oh how misguided can she be?
Assisant Saleswoman: Excuse me sir, how many items are you trying on?
Benny Horrowitz: Eight? I'm payin' for them all but I gotta' see how I swag I look in this shit first. I ain't never been here before and wanna make sure these threads look good before I purchase. Try before I buy and all that. Nah mean?
Assistant Saleswoman: I'm afraid you can only take six items in at any one time.
Baffled at the fascism against fashion on display at this Topman establishment, Benny's wide hazel eyes tell the story of his utter disbelief. The gothica sales rep simply stares him straight back in the eyes, unflinching in the face of Sidewinder who's trying so hard not to flip out.
Benny Horrowitz: The Hell? Why?
Assistant Saleswoman: We have to give out these token cards and the numbers only go up to six. It's store policy to only let customers go in with six items of clothing.
Benny Horrowitz: Listen bitch I ain't got much time and I need to-
Never in her short life has she resigned herself to taking backtalk and she's not about to start any time soon. With a swift, verbal palm slap to the jugular, she quickly asserts her dominance.
Assistant Saleswoman: Don't call me a bitch.
Benny Horrowitz: I only call you bitch 'cause I don't know your name. You know the score hoe.
Assistant Saleswoman: Don't call me a hoe either. Do I have to call security? You're on the verge of verbal abuse.
Benny Horrowitz: Look, don't press my buttons here. I don't take well to store bitches getting' mouthy with me. I'm tryin' ta' be reasonable here.
Assistant Saleswoman: My name is Zoe. And stop calling me a bitch!
Benny Horrowitz: Alright... Zoe, listen. I wasn't calling you a bitch, I mean “store bitches”, like, people in your position but aren't necessarily you.
Before Benny can further dig own grave, his “good buddy” decides to throw another shovel of dirt out the way so that Benny can well and truly “ingratiate himself” with this sales rep.
Thug 1: Yeah, the other day he threw a full cup of Starbucks peppermint hot cocoa at some poor young thing.
Zoe: Really? Oh my. They don't even make peppermint hot coco this time of year.
Once an ocean of calm and collected. Now an angry tidal wave of frustrated and unstable. Benny swings his one free arm wildly in a vague attempt to seem threatening but all it achieves is a small, amused chuckle from this slight gothic girl.
Benny Horrowitz: First of all, I threw it in her general direction but not explicitly at her. I deliberately missed ma'am, I'm not a violent person. And you shut the fuck up Jaa. I'm not taking your bull right now. Now, Zoe, why can't you let me in with eight items?
Zoe: Because store policy only allows six maximum and our number tags identify that.
Benny Horrowitz: Can't you just give me a six and a two and be done with it? I haven't got time to go take all that stuff back.
Zoe: But you have time to stand here and argue and call me derogatory names and insult my profession? If you'd have just given your stuff to one of your little friends to hold and stopped arguing with me you could've been in and out and paying up already.
Benny Horrowitz: It's not the point. It's the principle that you're enforcing some arbitrary bullshit rule on me because I'm Chinese and you don't like the way I talk. If this were one of your white girlfriends you'd be like “Oh sure, take a six and a two. Hell, why don't you take a six and a six and then slip some stuff out? I'll give the security guy a blowjob so he's not watching the cameras!” Topman makes me god damn sick.
Zoe: Do you have anything else to add or should I just call security now?
Benny Horrowitz: Fuck it. I'll play ball. Jaa, hold these two pairs of jeans for me?
Zoe: Oh no, you think you're getting in after “Giving the security guy a blowjob while my white girlfriends steal stuff”? You can go fuck yourself. Either buy them and find that your head is far too oversized to fit through the hole of that Kermit the Frog sweater or put them back where you found them. You're not getting to try out anything.
Benny Horrowitz: Why you gotta' play that?
Zoe: Because I'm a trick-ass hoe and you're keeping me from getting a security guard inside my dome with this bullshit. I should've been on break five minutes ago.
Benny Horrowitz: I hate you so much.
Zoe: Feeling is mututal.
Benny Horrowitz: Wanna go get coffee sometime?
Zoe: No.
Benny Horrowitz: Word. I'll go pay.
Disheartened and rejected, Benny “hmpfs” and quickly starts making his way over towards the counter to pay for his goods. Both of his boys give Zoe the look over as they leave but don't stare for long as they go and join their friend at the counter. With yet another episode of awkward encounters with random members of staff over with, one has to wonder how long Benny will go on alienating himself from the modern consumerist world before he ends up getting punched right in his little angry face.
-
Having enjoyed another moment of outstaying his welcome in the finest clothing store that Great Britain has to offer but in Manhattan, Benny promptly returns back to his luxurious penthouse crib. Along with his friends Jaa and Chang, the two boys who'd previously seen Benny make an epic arse of himself in Topman, Benny had enjoyed snacks and beers back at his pad and was ready to start talking some serious game about his main event debut for next Meltdown. Wearing some of his new duds including the Kermit the Frog sweater and a shiny pair of stone-washed jeans, Benny looks damn good compared to his usual vest and scruff wearing self but he doesn't make as much of an effort in the arena as he does outside.
Benny's filming studio for the B-Blog was located where he feels most comfortable, his bedroom. His bed was visible in the background and Jaa was sprawled out across it with a game controller in his hand while Chang leant against the wall, casually sipping from the beer bottle in his hand. Benny himself was sat in front of the camera, fiddling with the sound system to make sure that everything was working when he was ready to start filming. With the flick of a button, Benny's camera quickly turned online and soon he was ready to spit fiyaaaah on his opponents and serve up some verbal abuse in his incredible linguistic wok. Benny always had words to spout at people whether they made sense or not and now, with the world as his audience and a camera in front of him he delivered a speech for the ages.
Let's hear what this man had to say.
Benny Horrowitz: 'eyo whatup crackers? It's your boy, B-17, the Flying Fortess, Big Benn, Benny H to the O to the R to the R to the O to the R, HORROR SHOW baby. The REAL Real Show, not like that fake ass Terry Marvin sucka. Yes, that's right. It's me, Benny Horrowitz back again with another one of my block-rockin' beats and today, I got all sortsa' shit to talk about so let's kick it old school as we shoot the breeze. As usual I got my two boys with me, Jaa and... Chang...? I think? Don't matter, they're here to agree with everything I say and make me look pimp. That understood?
Jaa: Sure, why not?
Chang: For real.
Benny Horrowitz: So y'all bitches out there saw what I did last week right? Watched in awe at how easily I disassembled your little hero chica Dita Morgan? That was the trillest beatdown I ever done committed before. None of y'all could believe it when I knocked her ass out with that Shotgun Knee. I saw people's hearts sink into the pit of their stomach when they realised that your boy, the one you all been doubtin', King Benny, The Sidewinder was just as lethal as he promised all y'all. I told y'all motherfuckers to get on my nuts and on this hype train but everybody doubted me. Now I'm stood tall, laughin' my ass off white Dita Morgan nurses a new face hole that I surgically created for her last week.
Chang: But boss, she won the war while you only won the battle. She made you look a total dick when you tried to get the extra one up on her.
Benny Horrowitz: Normally, I'd gat your ass down for having the nerve to speak out against The Sidewinder but for once I'mma agree with you. Your girl did get lucky last week and she made me look ridiculous in front of those people, so to her I say these humble words. Watch your ass little mama, because when you make a mockery of the Manhattan Shogun you get your just desserts. Ain't nobody be making me look like a wimp-ass 2008 looking skeet. I'm comin' for you Dita, and not in the same way I said last week. I mean legit, goin' in hard, again, not like last week to bust on your ass, again, not like-... Fuck it. Simply, I'm going to beat shit out of you for makin' me look a chump last week. So watch yourself.
With words like that, expect to see some heated fireworks between the beautiful Dita Morgan who's simply trying to get by in wrestling and the callous Benny Horrowitz who wants only to maim her for what she did. Her crime of course was little more than succeeding in protecting herself from Benny's heinous but badly attempted assault but the embarrassment that followed is enough to make Benny swear blind for vengeance.
Benny Horrowitz: Next order of the day is to talk about this real bitch Evan Envi. I feel bad for a boy. He came in lookin' swag as anything and then he went and got bitched out by that Sam Parker dude in front of everyone in the first ever main event of Meltdown. Now that's bad. That's real bad for him because not only am I a bajillion times the athlete he'll never be, I'm comin' off a hot win on that fine piece of limey chocha, Dita Morgan who from what I understand is still bedridden after I knocked that pretty little head of hers clean off her shoulders. Unlucky for you Ev, you're next in the firing line of The Shotgun Knee and a boy don't play with his aim. I shoot to kill for the thrill because I'm so ill.
Benny's keen eye for hyperbole is not neglected here. To say that Evan Envi was “bitched out” after the show-stealing main event contest between the man himself and “The Lone Star” Sam Parker is unfair on Benny's behalf given how much of a hotly anticipated and contested match it was. Nevertheless, Benny believes that anything shy of a win is a failure and to some extent he's right. His friendly words however won't help him gain any supporters, especially not in Evan Envi's camp to say the least.
Benny Horrowitz: No doubt Evan, you showed you got skills last week but your boy Benny goin' all the way to the top here. Johnny Diamond might think your Richard Simmons lookin' ass is worth gunnin' for the North American Championship at Mayhem but after you got done last week thanks to Lone Star and you pick up what's left of your shattered skull this week, JD will have no choice but to declare ME the third man in the match. I shot my load all over Dita Morgan last week but don't think there ain't enough Shotgun for you. Kurt Cobain ain't got shit on me because while he could only muster the one round, I can keep firing and firing until there ain't nothin' left but a Meltdown arena resemblin' Swiss cheese. I got more slug for your brain than Hermes ever had. So keep up with your boy and maybe, just maybe, you might live long enough to see me beat the man you're gonna' get humiliated in front of this week and take the North American Championship and bring it back home. SHO NUFF!
With another deep, enriching and inspiring speech from the whitest thing since crème freche, Benny Horrowitz brings the cut to an end with the flick of his hand. If you cut through all his tough talk and boisterous arrogance that comes with being a young, slightly wealthy urbanite that's ruthlessly embroiled with this facade of gangster culture, you can see that there is some validity in the statements he makes. Whether or not he'll be able to back up his claims and justify his deliberately offensive nature however is a question for another time. In the meantime, your boy Benny is gonna' go try on his new threads and hit the gym but we'll see in soon enough time whether or not he'll be able to put the equally arrogant man after his own heart, Evan Envi back in his place.
