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Post by The Soul Of Philly on May 15, 2012 19:28:24 GMT -4
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Post by Jason Cashe on May 15, 2012 22:23:53 GMT -4
I liked it for what it was. An short introduction of who TJ is and who his secondary characters are. Trash Talking makes names around here but you've got a good style from what I've seen before APW and you should be gravy on our Turkey.
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Post by Kurt on May 18, 2012 20:11:53 GMT -4
"Soulless no Longer" Critique Love the title. Nice attention grabber. The prologue was solid for what it was. Didn't drag on for too long, and set up a basic outline of TJ's motivation. Always thought your narrative style was very distinct. Something about the periods in the name/right shift of the prologue stands out to me. Don't change it. Nice backstory without dwelling too much into irrelevant details. I get a nice injury sense from this RP; I don't see someone invincible. I see someone with a life, that';s been hurt and has grown up, if that makes sense. See, I assumed the ending was rushed because you told me, ha. I know we all put OOC notes if we're not happy with our work, but we shouldn't; there's nothing to apologize for. Overall, it was a fairly routine introduction of TJ. I'll admit, the "Here I am, here they are, yeah!" format isn't the most captivating set-up in the world, but it's okay for a base. I'd like to see a more complex, less hand-holdish narration in the future, but I think that will develop naturally as the rust wears off. Good character and subsequent characteristic dialogue, very aesthetically different. Good job TJ! |
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Post by The Soul Of Philly on May 18, 2012 20:21:09 GMT -4
Thanks guys. I really just wanted to introduce TJ and his two friends as they are going to be apart of the RPs alot. I'm still working my way through the rust but I have been going through all my past RPs I have saved on a site and trying to get back in the mindset. Hopefully I'll be back to my old self soon. Btw, who made that sig of your's Kurt? It's damn good.  |
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