Post by Pepsi on May 18, 2012 11:21:17 GMT -4
*Billy Pepsi walks around his hotel room in Montreal. He looks down at a few flyers on his table and smiles. There is one for a hair salon, and one for a tuxedo shop. Billy walks over to a desk and opens his laptop. He activates the webcam and falshes his signature goofy grin.*
BILLY: Hello all my Pepsi Party Animals out there. Welcome to the Special Mayhem edition of the Pepsi Party. I am your host Billy Pepsi, coming to you from Montreal. We are on the heels of a mega show here in the APW, featuring yours truly. At Mayhem I will be in a Ballroom Brawl match with 5 other competitors. This is the opportunity I was hoping for. An opportunity to shine against the best and brightest new stars the APW has to offer. I promise you this, on Sunday no one will shine more brightly than yours truly. I will be the best looking, and best dressed guy in the room. Billy Pepsi is a guy who stands out in a crowd, and Sunday will be no different.
Now I would normally take this time to tell you all how great, and talented I am, but I really don't think that's necessary this time. You see, my opponents have already done that for me. It's always nice to watch my opponents promos and hear them talk about how great I am. I heard Nick Watson talking about my heart and determination, and how I don't have to live up to my family. A.C. Smith talked about how my being opportunistic was admirable. He used a couple of words there I don't understand, but it sounded pretty positive. Even the terribly lame, tries to be cool, but instead comes across as a lame 1990's surfer dude, thinks I'm a comedian. I don't know why, I've never tried to be funny. He must be wowed by my above average intelligence and clever quips. Something he seriously lacks.
*Billy gives a thumb up and smiles, clearly very pleased with himself. Delusional for thinking he's intelligent, but still pleased.*
BILLY: It's nice to know that my talents have been recognized by the competition. Of course, on the flipside we have Dita Morgan who doesn't seem to know anything about any of us except that we are all better than her, and Yarmouth who only seems to be interested in Blade... who last time I checked didn't even qualify for the match. Of course no one ever accused Yarmouth of being the brightest bulb on the tree. It is nice to see that he's grown past his little Father/Son outings and gotten himself a real manager. Unfortunately for him, managers can't teach talent. You either have it or you don't, and Mouthy my friend, you don't have it. It's ok though, having early eliminations is important in a match like this. If everyone was equally as talented the match could go on forever. So talentless, beer swigging, hacks such as yourself really do serve a purpose in this world. It's not to dominate everyone as you seem to believe it is. I seem to remember facing you in another multi-man match at Rasselmania. If memory serves me right, I far outlasted you, and you dominated no one. Nice track record there pal, really has me shaking in my boots.
Though I do consider Yarmouth the bigger threat of the Meltdowners in this match, but of course that's not really saying much. Considering the other entrant from his brand is a 115 pound girl. Now it is true that I have been beaten up by a girl before, but I think we can all agree that things that happen when you are intoxicated at the prom do not really count. I don't rally care for hitting women, but as far as I am concerned when you step into the ring, or in this case the ballroom, you are entering a man's world. Therefore I will treat you the same as every other competitor in the match, and if you can't take the heat, get back in the kitchen... or something along those lines. You have done nothing to make me believe you are a threat. You yourself said that you were worried about facing competitors with such amazing talent. I'm sorry little girl, but you are in way over your head here, and you are going to drown. You can bring your friends for back up if you'd like, but it won't really matter. All it will take is one hard knock on your pretty little head and you'll be out. You shouldn't even be in this match my dear, your best bet is to get out before it's too late.
Speaking of people who shouldn't be in this match, what about Johnny Sykes? Who does this guy think he is saying I am jacking his style. If I was jacking his style I would be doing this.
*Billy puts a hat on sideways and gives a laid back grin that makes him look mildly retarded. Not much af a stretch from the norm, I agree, but the hat is definitely different. He tries to speak like a California surfer dude.*
BILLY: Hey dudes, I'm just so jazzed about being in this match. I'm just a hip, happenin' surfer dude. I think I'm funny, but really I don't have a funny bone in my body. That's ok, because I'm just chillin'.
*Billy flips off the hat and returns to his usual goofy grin that makes him look mildly retarded.*
BILLY: Does that sound like me, I don't think so. The only person jacking styles is you jacking from Bill and Ted. I am 100% genuine. There's nobody like me out there, and I resent you trying to place yourself on my level. You don't even deserve to be in the same ring... or ballroom as me. I can't wait to knock you out. You say that you do things "Like a boss", well I do things like an undercover boss. You won't even see me coming. One second you think you'll think you're safe, and the next, wham! I'll drop you like weight from an anorexic girl. You will not be the one representing the Asylum brand, that will be me. Just like at Rasselmania, I will be the only shining light Asylum has to offer. The only difference is this time I will not only be the last one standing from Asylum, I will be the last one standing period! Diggit Bro!
*Billy puts the hat on sideways mocking Johnny Sykes one last time. He flips the hat on again and puts on his serious man face. He even looks stupid when he tries to look serious, but that should be no shock to us.*
BILLY: This of course brings me to the Overdrive bunch. I will admit, Overdrive got the better of me last month, but this month it will be different. For one thing, neither of Overdrive's offerings can hold a candle to Chris Hart who beat me at Rasselmania. This is truly Overdrive's B-Team. Comparing Nick Watson and A.C. Smith to Chris Hart is like comparing Rampage Jackson to Mr. T. Sure he was decent, but where was the heart. Just like the A-Team movie, A.C. Smith has come far from living up to his own hype. I mean, he clearly is his own biggest fan, no wait... scratch that. He is clearly his only fan. After weeks and weeks of hype all we get is another generic, big tough guy. Excuse me while I take a nap.
*Billy puts his feet up on the table and obnoxiously pretends to snore. He sits back up and looks into the camera.*
BILLY: You offer nothing new to the APW, nothing exciting. Guys like you are a dime a dozen in this business. True, you are bigger than me, stronger than me, and tougher than me. That being said, you exposed your own weakness in your promo. You said, and I quote, "I don't hit people from behind. I don't deal in deception...", well I do. Unlike on Thursday, I won't be the only one you have to deal with. When you have your hands full with someone else, out comes Billy like a secret ninja, and Pow! Right over the head with a frying pan, A.C. Smith is out. Your determination to fight fair is admirable, but it will be your undoing in this match.
And lastly, while we are on the topic of fair fighting boyscouts, we have Nick Watson. Like Dita Morgan, another one who doubts whether he can win. Listen, humility is a great and wonderful thing, but the guy who doubts himself will never make it far in this business. If you know how to use your strengths, and mask your weaknesses there should be no doubt in your mind that you are the best. It's ok though, I like his self-doubt. The fact is, he's a very talented guy, and as long as he doesn't fully realize that my chances are better. Like A.C. Smith, this guy is all about a fair fight, and against taking short cuts. I love that. His notion that winning easily proves nothing is ridiculous. Nobody cares how you win, as long as you win. I am looking for an easy fight. If that means running, hiding, and sneaking up on people that's exactly what I will do. The only thing that sets you above the rest of the numbskulls in this match is that you recognize that I am a worthy adversary. It gives you an advantage over them, because you actually recognize me as a threat. But as long as you still see Snoozefest Smith, and Girly Dita as the bigger threats, I will still be able to slip under the radar and pick my moment to take you out.
Watson was right, I do have the heart and determination to win this match. I'm not the biggest guy. I'm not the toughest guy, but that doesn't matter. I know that I can win. All I have to do is sit back and let all of these scrappers kill each other. I will pick my moments, and I will be the winner.
*Billy holds up a flyer for a Tuxedo Shop, and a hair salon.*
BILLY: I will also be the belle of the ball. I'm off to get snazzed up. I will see you all later. Peace out.
*Billy ends the recording. He puts the flyers down on the table next to his cell phone. He glances at his watch and bolts out the door.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Finn Mcgannigan wheels his wheelchair into the fitness center of his Montreal Hotel. He surveys the gym and sees no sign of life whatsdoever. Finn looks at his watch and grunts. He pulls out his cell phone and dials a number. After several rings it cuts to voice mail.*
BILLY PEPSI'S VOICEMAIL: Hello... Hello... I don't know how these things work. Am I on? Should I push a button or something? Maybe I'll just push this one right he... (BEEP).
FINN: Billy, where are you? You were supposed to be in the gym doing cardio an hour ago. Call me back as soon as you get this message.
*Finn puts his phone away and is clearly fuming. He punches the wall in a fit of rage.*
FINN: Why can't that idot get anything right?
*Don't worry it's just a rhetorical question. Of course Finn knows that Billy is just a natural screw up. Finn wheels to the elevator. He enters in the elevator and goes up to the 7th floor. He wheels down the hall and stops at room 711. Ha get it, 7-11... never mind. Anyways, Finn pounds on the door.*
FINN: Billy, open up! I know you're in there you little weiner! Get out her now!
*Finn continues to pound on the door. One of the maids notices him and walks up to him. She speaks in a strong french accent.*
MAID: Excuse sir, is there problem.
*Finn looks up at her.*
FINN: Yes I have a problem. My idiotic client has a Ballroom Brawl in 3 days, and instead of being in the gym building up some much needed endurance, he's gone M.I.A.
*The maid clearly doesn't have the best grasp of the English language. She kind of blankly stares at Finn. Finn comes up with a plan. He thinks back to his French classes in elementary school and speaks with the worst french accent you have ever heard.*
FINN: J'ai perdu ma clé. Pouvez-vous me laisser entrer? (I have lost my key. Can you please let me in?)
MAID: Oui monsieur.
*The maid pulls out a key card and opens the door. Finn smiles and nods and she walks away. Finn wheels into the room and looks around. He notices Billy's cell phone on the table. Beside it he sees a stack of papers. On the top of the stack is a flyer for a hair salon. Finn looks at the next paper and it's a flyer for a tuxedo shop. The last one is a flyer for an escort sevice. Finn rolls his eyes. He collects the flyers, grabs Billy's phone and leaves the room. Finn exits the hotel and gets into a taxicab. The driver puts the wheelchair in the trunk and gets in the cab.*
TAXI DRIVER: Where to sir?
*Finn looks at the hair salon flyer.*
FINN: Take me to Salon Le Tube.
*As the driver drives he keeps looking in his mirror at Finn. There seems to be some recognition in his eyes.*
TAXI DRIVER: You look very familiar. Have we met before?
FINN: No, I just have one of those familiar faces.
TAXI DRIVER: No, no, I've seen you before. Where was it?
*The taxi driver snaps his fingers and lights up as he remembers.*
TAXI DRIVER: I know. You are on the wrestling show. "Irish Luck" Finn McGannigan. You are Billy Pepsi's manager.
FINN: Yeah, that's me.
*Finn beams with pride. This is the first time he's been recognized on the street. He soaks in the reality of his new found fame.*
TAXI DRIVER: Might I say, I prefer you with the leprechaun hat. It gives you personality, instead of being the average joe in the wheelchair.
*Finn's pride turns to disappointment and frustration.*
FINN: Yeah, so I've heard.
* Finn stares out the window as the taxi cab arrives at Salon Le Tube. The driver takes the wheelchair out of the trunk and Finn wiggles onto it.*
FINN: Stick around. I may need to make more stops.
*Finn wheels into the salon. The lady at the front desk stands to greet him.*
FRONT DESK CLERK: Welcome to Salon Le Tube. How can I help you?
FINN: I'm looking for a pencil necked geek who was supposed to be in the gym, but instead is out gallavanting around Montreal. Goes by the name of Billy Pepsi.
FRONT DESK CLERK: Oh yes, Mr. Pepsi was here two hours ago. He came for a haircut and a Manicure and Pedicure. He has exceptional toe nails.
*Finn has a look of disgust.*
FINN: I don't care about his toe nails. Can you tell me where he went after he was done here?
FRONT DESK CLERK: He said he was going to get a spiffy tuxedo for his date with destiny.
FINN: Thank you.
*Finn wheels back to the taxi cab. The driver again puts the wheelchair in the trunk. The driver gets into the cab and Finn looks at the tuxedo shop flyer.*
FINN: Take me to Waxman Tuxedo House, and step on it.
*The driver speeds away. Finn appears to be very agitated.*
TAXI DRIVER: It must be wonderful being able to manage such an entertaining talent like Billy Pepsi. He just cracks me up.
FINN: Wonderful? It must be wonderful you say?
*Finn laughs hysterically. The taxi driver is very confused.*
FINN: I'll tell you what it's like managing Billy Pepsi. It's infuriating. He never listens to me. He's lazy, he's stupid, he's completely useless. While he should be preparing for his Ballroom Brawl match on Sunday, he's out getting his freaking toe nails filed. If you want to know what it's like managing Billy Pepsi, tak a hammer, lie your head on a table, and smack yourself in the temple with the hammer. Maybe then you'll understand how wonderful it is. Until then keep your comments to yourself.
*Finn's face is beat red with anger. The driver looks shocked and offended.*
TAXI DRIVER: You know, you are a very rude man.
FINN: Try spending a day in my life and see how pleasant you are buddy. Now just get me to the Tuxedo House.
*The driver pulls up to the tuxedo house. He looks back at Finn.
FINN: Don't forget to stick around. I still need you.
TAXI DRIVER: I'm not letting you out till I get paid. The meter is already at $50.00. I don't want to drive you anywhere else because you are a very rude man.
FINN: Ok, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just having a bad day. Tell you what, how about I leave my wallet with you. How can I rip you off if you have my wallet.
*The driver nods in agreement. He takes Finn's wallet and brings the wheelchair around. Finn goes into the tuxedo house. The driver stands by the cab, and Billy Pepsi walks out of a Starbucks with a coffee. He walks up to the cab.*
BILLY: Hey buddy. Can I get a ride?
*The driver looks at him with recognition.*
TAXI DRIVER: But... you're...
*The driver looks at the wallet in his hand and smiles. He opens the door for Billy. Billy hops in and the driver gets in the cab laughing. The cab speeds away unbeknownst to Finn, who's wallet is in the hands of the taxi driver.*
BILLY: Hello all my Pepsi Party Animals out there. Welcome to the Special Mayhem edition of the Pepsi Party. I am your host Billy Pepsi, coming to you from Montreal. We are on the heels of a mega show here in the APW, featuring yours truly. At Mayhem I will be in a Ballroom Brawl match with 5 other competitors. This is the opportunity I was hoping for. An opportunity to shine against the best and brightest new stars the APW has to offer. I promise you this, on Sunday no one will shine more brightly than yours truly. I will be the best looking, and best dressed guy in the room. Billy Pepsi is a guy who stands out in a crowd, and Sunday will be no different.
Now I would normally take this time to tell you all how great, and talented I am, but I really don't think that's necessary this time. You see, my opponents have already done that for me. It's always nice to watch my opponents promos and hear them talk about how great I am. I heard Nick Watson talking about my heart and determination, and how I don't have to live up to my family. A.C. Smith talked about how my being opportunistic was admirable. He used a couple of words there I don't understand, but it sounded pretty positive. Even the terribly lame, tries to be cool, but instead comes across as a lame 1990's surfer dude, thinks I'm a comedian. I don't know why, I've never tried to be funny. He must be wowed by my above average intelligence and clever quips. Something he seriously lacks.
*Billy gives a thumb up and smiles, clearly very pleased with himself. Delusional for thinking he's intelligent, but still pleased.*
BILLY: It's nice to know that my talents have been recognized by the competition. Of course, on the flipside we have Dita Morgan who doesn't seem to know anything about any of us except that we are all better than her, and Yarmouth who only seems to be interested in Blade... who last time I checked didn't even qualify for the match. Of course no one ever accused Yarmouth of being the brightest bulb on the tree. It is nice to see that he's grown past his little Father/Son outings and gotten himself a real manager. Unfortunately for him, managers can't teach talent. You either have it or you don't, and Mouthy my friend, you don't have it. It's ok though, having early eliminations is important in a match like this. If everyone was equally as talented the match could go on forever. So talentless, beer swigging, hacks such as yourself really do serve a purpose in this world. It's not to dominate everyone as you seem to believe it is. I seem to remember facing you in another multi-man match at Rasselmania. If memory serves me right, I far outlasted you, and you dominated no one. Nice track record there pal, really has me shaking in my boots.
Though I do consider Yarmouth the bigger threat of the Meltdowners in this match, but of course that's not really saying much. Considering the other entrant from his brand is a 115 pound girl. Now it is true that I have been beaten up by a girl before, but I think we can all agree that things that happen when you are intoxicated at the prom do not really count. I don't rally care for hitting women, but as far as I am concerned when you step into the ring, or in this case the ballroom, you are entering a man's world. Therefore I will treat you the same as every other competitor in the match, and if you can't take the heat, get back in the kitchen... or something along those lines. You have done nothing to make me believe you are a threat. You yourself said that you were worried about facing competitors with such amazing talent. I'm sorry little girl, but you are in way over your head here, and you are going to drown. You can bring your friends for back up if you'd like, but it won't really matter. All it will take is one hard knock on your pretty little head and you'll be out. You shouldn't even be in this match my dear, your best bet is to get out before it's too late.
Speaking of people who shouldn't be in this match, what about Johnny Sykes? Who does this guy think he is saying I am jacking his style. If I was jacking his style I would be doing this.
*Billy puts a hat on sideways and gives a laid back grin that makes him look mildly retarded. Not much af a stretch from the norm, I agree, but the hat is definitely different. He tries to speak like a California surfer dude.*
BILLY: Hey dudes, I'm just so jazzed about being in this match. I'm just a hip, happenin' surfer dude. I think I'm funny, but really I don't have a funny bone in my body. That's ok, because I'm just chillin'.
*Billy flips off the hat and returns to his usual goofy grin that makes him look mildly retarded.*
BILLY: Does that sound like me, I don't think so. The only person jacking styles is you jacking from Bill and Ted. I am 100% genuine. There's nobody like me out there, and I resent you trying to place yourself on my level. You don't even deserve to be in the same ring... or ballroom as me. I can't wait to knock you out. You say that you do things "Like a boss", well I do things like an undercover boss. You won't even see me coming. One second you think you'll think you're safe, and the next, wham! I'll drop you like weight from an anorexic girl. You will not be the one representing the Asylum brand, that will be me. Just like at Rasselmania, I will be the only shining light Asylum has to offer. The only difference is this time I will not only be the last one standing from Asylum, I will be the last one standing period! Diggit Bro!
*Billy puts the hat on sideways mocking Johnny Sykes one last time. He flips the hat on again and puts on his serious man face. He even looks stupid when he tries to look serious, but that should be no shock to us.*
BILLY: This of course brings me to the Overdrive bunch. I will admit, Overdrive got the better of me last month, but this month it will be different. For one thing, neither of Overdrive's offerings can hold a candle to Chris Hart who beat me at Rasselmania. This is truly Overdrive's B-Team. Comparing Nick Watson and A.C. Smith to Chris Hart is like comparing Rampage Jackson to Mr. T. Sure he was decent, but where was the heart. Just like the A-Team movie, A.C. Smith has come far from living up to his own hype. I mean, he clearly is his own biggest fan, no wait... scratch that. He is clearly his only fan. After weeks and weeks of hype all we get is another generic, big tough guy. Excuse me while I take a nap.
*Billy puts his feet up on the table and obnoxiously pretends to snore. He sits back up and looks into the camera.*
BILLY: You offer nothing new to the APW, nothing exciting. Guys like you are a dime a dozen in this business. True, you are bigger than me, stronger than me, and tougher than me. That being said, you exposed your own weakness in your promo. You said, and I quote, "I don't hit people from behind. I don't deal in deception...", well I do. Unlike on Thursday, I won't be the only one you have to deal with. When you have your hands full with someone else, out comes Billy like a secret ninja, and Pow! Right over the head with a frying pan, A.C. Smith is out. Your determination to fight fair is admirable, but it will be your undoing in this match.
And lastly, while we are on the topic of fair fighting boyscouts, we have Nick Watson. Like Dita Morgan, another one who doubts whether he can win. Listen, humility is a great and wonderful thing, but the guy who doubts himself will never make it far in this business. If you know how to use your strengths, and mask your weaknesses there should be no doubt in your mind that you are the best. It's ok though, I like his self-doubt. The fact is, he's a very talented guy, and as long as he doesn't fully realize that my chances are better. Like A.C. Smith, this guy is all about a fair fight, and against taking short cuts. I love that. His notion that winning easily proves nothing is ridiculous. Nobody cares how you win, as long as you win. I am looking for an easy fight. If that means running, hiding, and sneaking up on people that's exactly what I will do. The only thing that sets you above the rest of the numbskulls in this match is that you recognize that I am a worthy adversary. It gives you an advantage over them, because you actually recognize me as a threat. But as long as you still see Snoozefest Smith, and Girly Dita as the bigger threats, I will still be able to slip under the radar and pick my moment to take you out.
Watson was right, I do have the heart and determination to win this match. I'm not the biggest guy. I'm not the toughest guy, but that doesn't matter. I know that I can win. All I have to do is sit back and let all of these scrappers kill each other. I will pick my moments, and I will be the winner.
*Billy holds up a flyer for a Tuxedo Shop, and a hair salon.*
BILLY: I will also be the belle of the ball. I'm off to get snazzed up. I will see you all later. Peace out.
*Billy ends the recording. He puts the flyers down on the table next to his cell phone. He glances at his watch and bolts out the door.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Finn Mcgannigan wheels his wheelchair into the fitness center of his Montreal Hotel. He surveys the gym and sees no sign of life whatsdoever. Finn looks at his watch and grunts. He pulls out his cell phone and dials a number. After several rings it cuts to voice mail.*
BILLY PEPSI'S VOICEMAIL: Hello... Hello... I don't know how these things work. Am I on? Should I push a button or something? Maybe I'll just push this one right he... (BEEP).
FINN: Billy, where are you? You were supposed to be in the gym doing cardio an hour ago. Call me back as soon as you get this message.
*Finn puts his phone away and is clearly fuming. He punches the wall in a fit of rage.*
FINN: Why can't that idot get anything right?
*Don't worry it's just a rhetorical question. Of course Finn knows that Billy is just a natural screw up. Finn wheels to the elevator. He enters in the elevator and goes up to the 7th floor. He wheels down the hall and stops at room 711. Ha get it, 7-11... never mind. Anyways, Finn pounds on the door.*
FINN: Billy, open up! I know you're in there you little weiner! Get out her now!
*Finn continues to pound on the door. One of the maids notices him and walks up to him. She speaks in a strong french accent.*
MAID: Excuse sir, is there problem.
*Finn looks up at her.*
FINN: Yes I have a problem. My idiotic client has a Ballroom Brawl in 3 days, and instead of being in the gym building up some much needed endurance, he's gone M.I.A.
*The maid clearly doesn't have the best grasp of the English language. She kind of blankly stares at Finn. Finn comes up with a plan. He thinks back to his French classes in elementary school and speaks with the worst french accent you have ever heard.*
FINN: J'ai perdu ma clé. Pouvez-vous me laisser entrer? (I have lost my key. Can you please let me in?)
MAID: Oui monsieur.
*The maid pulls out a key card and opens the door. Finn smiles and nods and she walks away. Finn wheels into the room and looks around. He notices Billy's cell phone on the table. Beside it he sees a stack of papers. On the top of the stack is a flyer for a hair salon. Finn looks at the next paper and it's a flyer for a tuxedo shop. The last one is a flyer for an escort sevice. Finn rolls his eyes. He collects the flyers, grabs Billy's phone and leaves the room. Finn exits the hotel and gets into a taxicab. The driver puts the wheelchair in the trunk and gets in the cab.*
TAXI DRIVER: Where to sir?
*Finn looks at the hair salon flyer.*
FINN: Take me to Salon Le Tube.
*As the driver drives he keeps looking in his mirror at Finn. There seems to be some recognition in his eyes.*
TAXI DRIVER: You look very familiar. Have we met before?
FINN: No, I just have one of those familiar faces.
TAXI DRIVER: No, no, I've seen you before. Where was it?
*The taxi driver snaps his fingers and lights up as he remembers.*
TAXI DRIVER: I know. You are on the wrestling show. "Irish Luck" Finn McGannigan. You are Billy Pepsi's manager.
FINN: Yeah, that's me.
*Finn beams with pride. This is the first time he's been recognized on the street. He soaks in the reality of his new found fame.*
TAXI DRIVER: Might I say, I prefer you with the leprechaun hat. It gives you personality, instead of being the average joe in the wheelchair.
*Finn's pride turns to disappointment and frustration.*
FINN: Yeah, so I've heard.
* Finn stares out the window as the taxi cab arrives at Salon Le Tube. The driver takes the wheelchair out of the trunk and Finn wiggles onto it.*
FINN: Stick around. I may need to make more stops.
*Finn wheels into the salon. The lady at the front desk stands to greet him.*
FRONT DESK CLERK: Welcome to Salon Le Tube. How can I help you?
FINN: I'm looking for a pencil necked geek who was supposed to be in the gym, but instead is out gallavanting around Montreal. Goes by the name of Billy Pepsi.
FRONT DESK CLERK: Oh yes, Mr. Pepsi was here two hours ago. He came for a haircut and a Manicure and Pedicure. He has exceptional toe nails.
*Finn has a look of disgust.*
FINN: I don't care about his toe nails. Can you tell me where he went after he was done here?
FRONT DESK CLERK: He said he was going to get a spiffy tuxedo for his date with destiny.
FINN: Thank you.
*Finn wheels back to the taxi cab. The driver again puts the wheelchair in the trunk. The driver gets into the cab and Finn looks at the tuxedo shop flyer.*
FINN: Take me to Waxman Tuxedo House, and step on it.
*The driver speeds away. Finn appears to be very agitated.*
TAXI DRIVER: It must be wonderful being able to manage such an entertaining talent like Billy Pepsi. He just cracks me up.
FINN: Wonderful? It must be wonderful you say?
*Finn laughs hysterically. The taxi driver is very confused.*
FINN: I'll tell you what it's like managing Billy Pepsi. It's infuriating. He never listens to me. He's lazy, he's stupid, he's completely useless. While he should be preparing for his Ballroom Brawl match on Sunday, he's out getting his freaking toe nails filed. If you want to know what it's like managing Billy Pepsi, tak a hammer, lie your head on a table, and smack yourself in the temple with the hammer. Maybe then you'll understand how wonderful it is. Until then keep your comments to yourself.
*Finn's face is beat red with anger. The driver looks shocked and offended.*
TAXI DRIVER: You know, you are a very rude man.
FINN: Try spending a day in my life and see how pleasant you are buddy. Now just get me to the Tuxedo House.
*The driver pulls up to the tuxedo house. He looks back at Finn.
FINN: Don't forget to stick around. I still need you.
TAXI DRIVER: I'm not letting you out till I get paid. The meter is already at $50.00. I don't want to drive you anywhere else because you are a very rude man.
FINN: Ok, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just having a bad day. Tell you what, how about I leave my wallet with you. How can I rip you off if you have my wallet.
*The driver nods in agreement. He takes Finn's wallet and brings the wheelchair around. Finn goes into the tuxedo house. The driver stands by the cab, and Billy Pepsi walks out of a Starbucks with a coffee. He walks up to the cab.*
BILLY: Hey buddy. Can I get a ride?
*The driver looks at him with recognition.*
TAXI DRIVER: But... you're...
*The driver looks at the wallet in his hand and smiles. He opens the door for Billy. Billy hops in and the driver gets in the cab laughing. The cab speeds away unbeknownst to Finn, who's wallet is in the hands of the taxi driver.*
