Post by Reaver on May 18, 2012 20:28:36 GMT -4
The scene opens as a shadowy figure is looming over the night sky, his dark presence overlooking the city on this warm summer night. This blue costumed freak of nature that returns to seek redemption against the injustices of APW and the "T.R.Y.".
He is....
Sponsored by...
The Prick: The city is a sespool......filled with rat bags and scum buckets alike. I've done my best to keep APW clean and wholesome, representing the violence that Asylum truely is and rightfully belongs. (huh? wait a minute....) I've eliminated the likes of Alioth Starre who was lucky enough to walk the walk when it was important ONCE but couldn't get lightnin' to strike twice. That's when i sent his ass packin' back to Texas. Now that Jason Kash continues to mock the good i've done in keepin' these shows as violent as they should be, another threat enters my brand. The T.R.I. Who the hell are these people to say what is decent ot not? Who gives them the right to tell people what they can or cannot have? If people want cake, LET THEM EAT CAKE DAMNIT!!
The sespool grows back with a new enemy, that of a former friend turnin' evil. My arch nemesis who plagues this brand with the poison of lies. My past comes to haunt me but it ends at Mayhem....It ends HERE AND NOW!!!
The prick watches on as the sounds of a maniacle laugh can be heard echoing in the distance. He recognizes that laugh and tries to hunt it down. From building top to building top, The Prick jumps closer to the sound but the closer he gets, the further away it seems. Finally, he makes it down to the streets below as he sees a man running. With each step, the man running chings with the sounds of bells and screaming with laughter at The Prick. He chases this man down, only to stumble upon a snare trap. (who the hell uses a snare trap anymore these days?) He swings there for a few moments as he struggles to reach his trapped foot but can't. The Laughter grows as the man steps out of the shadows wearing a jester's cap.
The Prick: Let me outta' here ya' fiend......
? ? ?: Oh i think not Johnny noy.
The Prick: Ya' know my true identity!!
? ? ?: YES!! And it'll be I who expose you for who you are......
The figure steps out of the shadows revealing to be non other then the evil nemesis of The prick who has eluded him for 6 long years. The disfigured clown prince himself........THE TOKER!!!
The Toker: I'll Expose you Prick. Your nothing more than a broken down hack who just can't win the big one. And i know how much you LOVE big one's.....HA HA!!
The Prick: A gay joke? Really? This is the extent of my all powerful arch nemesis? Ya' SRRIOUS?!
The Toker: STOP STEALING MY CATCH PHRASES YOU PRICK!!
The Prick: HA, being a prick is what i do.
The Toker: Well, NOT TODAY!! What will you do now that Asylum's "PRECIOUS" hero is helpless? You could never beat me and you never will. Face it Prick.....I'm the champ around Asylum and NOBODY CAN STOP ME!!
The Prick: We'll see about that......wait until my un-trusty sidekick arrives.
The Toker: That loser? Doesn't he have a protest to go to or something?
No sooner does he say that when another figure steps out from the shadows wearing a very ugly shade of pink and a cheap mask......knocking over trash cans with the slightest of ease because his pants are down around his ankles....AGAIN. He struggles to put them back on as he watches The Toker torment The Prick who is still hanging upside down and starting to get woozey from the blood rushing to his head.
The Toker: SRRIOUS?! This guy?
The Prick: Uhhhhhhhhh........Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, YES! My sidekick Revolution boy will stop......Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ya'.
Revolution Boy: That's right Toker! I been playing The David Carradine Experience so much that i TOO have developed a type of super strength and it's more then enough to defeat you!
The Toker: That's not super strength kid, that's just your body compensating for the lack of a chromosome.......
Revolution Boy: I will beat you and become the Champ around here. Worry Not Prick.....I'll avenge you!
The Prick: GET ME DOWN!!! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The feeling of being upside down has taken it's toll on The Prick as he lets loose a spray of old nasty chewed up meal that smells something fierce. The Toker stands there in shock that he just got vomitted all over by the guy he just captured.
The Toker: REALLY!!? Was that Necessary?
Revolution Boy: It's watcha' get for your dastertly deeds Toker.
The Toker: But it smells like hot rotting GA'BAGE'......EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!
Out of sheer luck, the snare snaps off sending The Prick to the ground head first and completely out of it from being upside down for so long. The Toker kicks him for good measure. I guess he wanted to feel like he accomplished something? He turns his attention to Revolution Boy who is obviously not able to do anything since he is another useless sidekick.
The Toker: Now that this bullshit is out of the way, i can focus on finishing you off.......that didn't come out right.....NEITHER DID THAT OH MY GOD!!
Revolution Boy: I get it, i get it. Can we just get this over with?
The Toker: Right! Have at you!!!!
The Toker charges Revolution Boy, still covered in vomit, as he takes him down. Now that both men are covered in puke, it seems as if Revolution Boy is already to give up. I guess he doesnt like being touched by nasty smelling guys. Or maybe he does, who knows? The Toker grabs Revolution Boy and slams him up against the wall of a nearby building and then runs behind him with what looks like a jumping neckbreaker laying Revolution Boy out. (pretty easily too i might add.)
The Toker: HA HA!! See!? The Champ always comes out on top!
The Toker turns around only to get kicked in the balls by The Prick who seems to have recovered from behing upside down for so long. The Prick grabs The Toker and slams him up against the wall then again to the other side. The Toker bounces off to hit a neck breaker on The Prick only to miss and catch a Donkey Punch to the back of the head.
The Toker is completely knocked out cold as The Prick is breathing heavily. Apparently he isn't as "feeling better" as he thought and he blows chunks again all over The Toker adding insult to injury. He wipes his mouth as Revolution Boy makes his way to his feet and congradulates The Prick for finally defeating his arch nemesis.
Revolution Boy: Excellent job Prick. Maybe next time The Toker won't take you as lightly as he did.
The Prick: He aint' the only one Revolution Boy.....
Revolution Boy: Huh?
The Prick turns and kicks Revolution Boy square in the balls as hard as he could making Revolution Boy just crumble to the ground.
The Prick: Talk about a shitty sidekick. Next time ya' think yous' can beat the champ alone, DON'T! Yous' just aint' good enough. Not even with that newly acquired retard strength. Leave the tough stuff to the adults Revolution Boy and go back to learning how to color inside the lines.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOSSHHHH!!!
The Prick sticks his hands out in front of him; pretending to fly as he makes the sounds with his mouth and the scene fades while he runs into the distance.
Knuckles: I didn't get this far with out knowin' how to survive by adaptin' to my environment, Jason Kash knows this better than anybody. If he wasn't busy playing dress up or "wrestling" around with dolls, he might be a lil' better prepared but all that is due to his arrogance. Since i haven't beaten him since RWF or ever pinned him, he feels the need to over look me which from any perspective is a very dangerous thing. Of the 86 people who entered Survive and Conquer, 86 people over looked me. What happened? I made it to the final four. It was only when it could be focused down that i was targeted. Ask Sally, she threw me over the top and turned away, she didn't even have enough awareness to realize that i landed on Rebel's back instead of the ground allowin' me to come at her from behind, which i'm sure shes used to, and throw her ass out.
Nobody needs to tell me about how the past doesn't matter cuz' i of all people know all too well. It's the fact that other's can't let go that irks me to no end. Like how you, Jason, think that i only beat ya' in a triple threat match in RWF when it was actually a 6 man brawl. It's lil' facts like this that are overlooked and they wouldn't have been acknowledged by the likes of "Dill hole" cuz' he isn't smart enough or original enough to do his own research on his opponents, ya' said it yourself Kash. While ya' continuously see past me, ya' don't really understand how lethal i am and as a man who's been fightin' me for the past 6 years, it's unacceptable. After Mayhem though, you'll finally get it when i'm walkin' away as the new World Heavyweight Champ and yous' do nuttn' but go back home and play with ya' dolls. Yous' were a good champion for your time Kash, but it's now OVER and at Mayhem, i'll prove it. You defended that title against anybody and gave out bones to those who may or may not have deserved it and that's commendable. However, Jason, ya' luck just ran out by puttin' me back in the mix. It will be your downfall and after i'm done defendin' it against Bailey on Asylum, you'll agree that it was a HUGE mistake to take a chance by tempting a wounded animal with another piece of meat.
You, on the other hand, Dillinger; have no excuses. How dare ya' not bother to look up or study an opponent. Are ya' THAT stupid? There are many reasons that you're nuttn' but a career sidekick and this is one of them. Ya' don't see yourself walkin' away from Mayhem as anythin' but the World Champ cuz' your blind with stupidity....or maybe that's Callahans splooge, who knows for sure really? The point is that if ya' took the time to study your opponents, then you would know that i've only been in APW lil' over a year now, NOT LONGER THAN MOST WRESTLERS! This is why so many people buy into Kash, LOOK AT THE ALTERNATIVE YOU CUM STAIN! Who the hell would wanna' follow your influence? I'd so much as punch myself in the taint than to listen to your dribble week in and week out. I feel my balls shrivelin' up inside my pelvic calvity as we speak.
Nothing you do is original OR clever. This whole act of bein' non-violent makes ya' nothin' more than a hipocrite, especially since your lord and master CALLAHAN is talkin' about makin' Sally bleed. Really? I think she does that pretty well on her own once a month and thats enough. So for you to go around preechin' about how you're gonna' restore integrity to Asylum is like sayin' that O.J. Simpson was innocent or it's ok for Catholic priests to molest lil' boys. Ya' contradict yourself every step of the way and your bullshit has been pointed out over and over again. Give it up man. YOU JUST SIMPLY SUCK. Ya' think this whole, "dressin' up like your opponents and makin' them look stupid" routine is original? Hell i've done it countless times and i'm sure it'll continue long after i retire your ass but the fact is that what your doin' now is what Kash and I were doin' LAST YEAR WITH DANGERTAINMENT! Nice to know that we have a fan but STOP BITTIN' OUR SHIT!!
You're just another rich prick who thinks they can do what i do. Do ya' think it's easy to be this violent Chaz? I've dedicated my life to wreckin' people's dreams by sacrificin' my own. I've bled all over this country and over seas to get to where i am and i'll be damned if i give up my career to the likes of some douche who's had everything handed to them their entire lives. Ya' really want that Championship Chaz? KILL ME FOR IT!! I DARE YA'! I'm sure as shit ready to kill YOU for it and ready to die tryin' to take it away from Kash.
I don't need a fan base, i don't need merchandise, i don't need anythin' but the tools i've already developed in my career to win this match. I'm gonna' go balls out and hope for the best. Sure i have Donkey Punch, the refreshing drink that HITS the spot, but that doesn't matter now. All that matters is that when Mayhem is over and all that's said and done, the only thing that people will remember is how 3 men gave it their all to set the bar high for the event and how Johnny Knuckles not only finally beat Jason Kash, but walked away as the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION for the first time since TCW. Now that to me is monumental and nobody will ever be able to take it away. So while Kash continues to ignore who i am or what i really do by dressin' in drag and playin' with "action figures" (or collectibles if ya' wanna be a dick about it), while "Dill hole" continues to have sex with guys while picturin' himself masturbating (like Donald Trump), it will be me to rise up and claim what i rightfully deserve.
He is....
THE PRICK!!!
Sponsored by...
(Cue Theme Music Here!!)
The Prick: The city is a sespool......filled with rat bags and scum buckets alike. I've done my best to keep APW clean and wholesome, representing the violence that Asylum truely is and rightfully belongs. (huh? wait a minute....) I've eliminated the likes of Alioth Starre who was lucky enough to walk the walk when it was important ONCE but couldn't get lightnin' to strike twice. That's when i sent his ass packin' back to Texas. Now that Jason Kash continues to mock the good i've done in keepin' these shows as violent as they should be, another threat enters my brand. The T.R.I. Who the hell are these people to say what is decent ot not? Who gives them the right to tell people what they can or cannot have? If people want cake, LET THEM EAT CAKE DAMNIT!!
The sespool grows back with a new enemy, that of a former friend turnin' evil. My arch nemesis who plagues this brand with the poison of lies. My past comes to haunt me but it ends at Mayhem....It ends HERE AND NOW!!!
The prick watches on as the sounds of a maniacle laugh can be heard echoing in the distance. He recognizes that laugh and tries to hunt it down. From building top to building top, The Prick jumps closer to the sound but the closer he gets, the further away it seems. Finally, he makes it down to the streets below as he sees a man running. With each step, the man running chings with the sounds of bells and screaming with laughter at The Prick. He chases this man down, only to stumble upon a snare trap. (who the hell uses a snare trap anymore these days?) He swings there for a few moments as he struggles to reach his trapped foot but can't. The Laughter grows as the man steps out of the shadows wearing a jester's cap.
The Prick: Let me outta' here ya' fiend......
? ? ?: Oh i think not Johnny noy.
The Prick: Ya' know my true identity!!
? ? ?: YES!! And it'll be I who expose you for who you are......
The figure steps out of the shadows revealing to be non other then the evil nemesis of The prick who has eluded him for 6 long years. The disfigured clown prince himself........THE TOKER!!!
The Toker: I'll Expose you Prick. Your nothing more than a broken down hack who just can't win the big one. And i know how much you LOVE big one's.....HA HA!!
The Prick: A gay joke? Really? This is the extent of my all powerful arch nemesis? Ya' SRRIOUS?!
The Toker: STOP STEALING MY CATCH PHRASES YOU PRICK!!
The Prick: HA, being a prick is what i do.
The Toker: Well, NOT TODAY!! What will you do now that Asylum's "PRECIOUS" hero is helpless? You could never beat me and you never will. Face it Prick.....I'm the champ around Asylum and NOBODY CAN STOP ME!!
The Prick: We'll see about that......wait until my un-trusty sidekick arrives.
The Toker: That loser? Doesn't he have a protest to go to or something?
No sooner does he say that when another figure steps out from the shadows wearing a very ugly shade of pink and a cheap mask......knocking over trash cans with the slightest of ease because his pants are down around his ankles....AGAIN. He struggles to put them back on as he watches The Toker torment The Prick who is still hanging upside down and starting to get woozey from the blood rushing to his head.
The Toker: SRRIOUS?! This guy?
The Prick: Uhhhhhhhhh........Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, YES! My sidekick Revolution boy will stop......Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ya'.
Revolution Boy: That's right Toker! I been playing The David Carradine Experience so much that i TOO have developed a type of super strength and it's more then enough to defeat you!
The Toker: That's not super strength kid, that's just your body compensating for the lack of a chromosome.......
Revolution Boy: I will beat you and become the Champ around here. Worry Not Prick.....I'll avenge you!
The Prick: GET ME DOWN!!! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The feeling of being upside down has taken it's toll on The Prick as he lets loose a spray of old nasty chewed up meal that smells something fierce. The Toker stands there in shock that he just got vomitted all over by the guy he just captured.
The Toker: REALLY!!? Was that Necessary?
Revolution Boy: It's watcha' get for your dastertly deeds Toker.
The Toker: But it smells like hot rotting GA'BAGE'......EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!
Out of sheer luck, the snare snaps off sending The Prick to the ground head first and completely out of it from being upside down for so long. The Toker kicks him for good measure. I guess he wanted to feel like he accomplished something? He turns his attention to Revolution Boy who is obviously not able to do anything since he is another useless sidekick.
The Toker: Now that this bullshit is out of the way, i can focus on finishing you off.......that didn't come out right.....NEITHER DID THAT OH MY GOD!!
Revolution Boy: I get it, i get it. Can we just get this over with?
The Toker: Right! Have at you!!!!
The Toker charges Revolution Boy, still covered in vomit, as he takes him down. Now that both men are covered in puke, it seems as if Revolution Boy is already to give up. I guess he doesnt like being touched by nasty smelling guys. Or maybe he does, who knows? The Toker grabs Revolution Boy and slams him up against the wall of a nearby building and then runs behind him with what looks like a jumping neckbreaker laying Revolution Boy out. (pretty easily too i might add.)
The Toker: HA HA!! See!? The Champ always comes out on top!
SPOOOOOORRRKKKK!!!!
The Toker turns around only to get kicked in the balls by The Prick who seems to have recovered from behing upside down for so long. The Prick grabs The Toker and slams him up against the wall then again to the other side. The Toker bounces off to hit a neck breaker on The Prick only to miss and catch a Donkey Punch to the back of the head.
HEEEE HAAAWWW!! CRRAAAAACCKK!!
The Toker is completely knocked out cold as The Prick is breathing heavily. Apparently he isn't as "feeling better" as he thought and he blows chunks again all over The Toker adding insult to injury. He wipes his mouth as Revolution Boy makes his way to his feet and congradulates The Prick for finally defeating his arch nemesis.
Revolution Boy: Excellent job Prick. Maybe next time The Toker won't take you as lightly as he did.
The Prick: He aint' the only one Revolution Boy.....
Revolution Boy: Huh?
SPOOOOOORRRKKKK!!!!
The Prick turns and kicks Revolution Boy square in the balls as hard as he could making Revolution Boy just crumble to the ground.
The Prick: Talk about a shitty sidekick. Next time ya' think yous' can beat the champ alone, DON'T! Yous' just aint' good enough. Not even with that newly acquired retard strength. Leave the tough stuff to the adults Revolution Boy and go back to learning how to color inside the lines.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOSSHHHH!!!
The Prick sticks his hands out in front of him; pretending to fly as he makes the sounds with his mouth and the scene fades while he runs into the distance.
Knuckles: I didn't get this far with out knowin' how to survive by adaptin' to my environment, Jason Kash knows this better than anybody. If he wasn't busy playing dress up or "wrestling" around with dolls, he might be a lil' better prepared but all that is due to his arrogance. Since i haven't beaten him since RWF or ever pinned him, he feels the need to over look me which from any perspective is a very dangerous thing. Of the 86 people who entered Survive and Conquer, 86 people over looked me. What happened? I made it to the final four. It was only when it could be focused down that i was targeted. Ask Sally, she threw me over the top and turned away, she didn't even have enough awareness to realize that i landed on Rebel's back instead of the ground allowin' me to come at her from behind, which i'm sure shes used to, and throw her ass out.
Nobody needs to tell me about how the past doesn't matter cuz' i of all people know all too well. It's the fact that other's can't let go that irks me to no end. Like how you, Jason, think that i only beat ya' in a triple threat match in RWF when it was actually a 6 man brawl. It's lil' facts like this that are overlooked and they wouldn't have been acknowledged by the likes of "Dill hole" cuz' he isn't smart enough or original enough to do his own research on his opponents, ya' said it yourself Kash. While ya' continuously see past me, ya' don't really understand how lethal i am and as a man who's been fightin' me for the past 6 years, it's unacceptable. After Mayhem though, you'll finally get it when i'm walkin' away as the new World Heavyweight Champ and yous' do nuttn' but go back home and play with ya' dolls. Yous' were a good champion for your time Kash, but it's now OVER and at Mayhem, i'll prove it. You defended that title against anybody and gave out bones to those who may or may not have deserved it and that's commendable. However, Jason, ya' luck just ran out by puttin' me back in the mix. It will be your downfall and after i'm done defendin' it against Bailey on Asylum, you'll agree that it was a HUGE mistake to take a chance by tempting a wounded animal with another piece of meat.
You, on the other hand, Dillinger; have no excuses. How dare ya' not bother to look up or study an opponent. Are ya' THAT stupid? There are many reasons that you're nuttn' but a career sidekick and this is one of them. Ya' don't see yourself walkin' away from Mayhem as anythin' but the World Champ cuz' your blind with stupidity....or maybe that's Callahans splooge, who knows for sure really? The point is that if ya' took the time to study your opponents, then you would know that i've only been in APW lil' over a year now, NOT LONGER THAN MOST WRESTLERS! This is why so many people buy into Kash, LOOK AT THE ALTERNATIVE YOU CUM STAIN! Who the hell would wanna' follow your influence? I'd so much as punch myself in the taint than to listen to your dribble week in and week out. I feel my balls shrivelin' up inside my pelvic calvity as we speak.
Nothing you do is original OR clever. This whole act of bein' non-violent makes ya' nothin' more than a hipocrite, especially since your lord and master CALLAHAN is talkin' about makin' Sally bleed. Really? I think she does that pretty well on her own once a month and thats enough. So for you to go around preechin' about how you're gonna' restore integrity to Asylum is like sayin' that O.J. Simpson was innocent or it's ok for Catholic priests to molest lil' boys. Ya' contradict yourself every step of the way and your bullshit has been pointed out over and over again. Give it up man. YOU JUST SIMPLY SUCK. Ya' think this whole, "dressin' up like your opponents and makin' them look stupid" routine is original? Hell i've done it countless times and i'm sure it'll continue long after i retire your ass but the fact is that what your doin' now is what Kash and I were doin' LAST YEAR WITH DANGERTAINMENT! Nice to know that we have a fan but STOP BITTIN' OUR SHIT!!
You're just another rich prick who thinks they can do what i do. Do ya' think it's easy to be this violent Chaz? I've dedicated my life to wreckin' people's dreams by sacrificin' my own. I've bled all over this country and over seas to get to where i am and i'll be damned if i give up my career to the likes of some douche who's had everything handed to them their entire lives. Ya' really want that Championship Chaz? KILL ME FOR IT!! I DARE YA'! I'm sure as shit ready to kill YOU for it and ready to die tryin' to take it away from Kash.
I don't need a fan base, i don't need merchandise, i don't need anythin' but the tools i've already developed in my career to win this match. I'm gonna' go balls out and hope for the best. Sure i have Donkey Punch, the refreshing drink that HITS the spot, but that doesn't matter now. All that matters is that when Mayhem is over and all that's said and done, the only thing that people will remember is how 3 men gave it their all to set the bar high for the event and how Johnny Knuckles not only finally beat Jason Kash, but walked away as the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION for the first time since TCW. Now that to me is monumental and nobody will ever be able to take it away. So while Kash continues to ignore who i am or what i really do by dressin' in drag and playin' with "action figures" (or collectibles if ya' wanna be a dick about it), while "Dill hole" continues to have sex with guys while picturin' himself masturbating (like Donald Trump), it will be me to rise up and claim what i rightfully deserve.
