|
|
Post by sykes on May 19, 2012 0:54:17 GMT -4
apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=mayhem2012&action=display&thread=10265
Couple days late haha, but I had to make sure I got Harris's second one done. Anyway, this is my second one for Sykes obviously. I enjoyed writing it. I had fun with it but I am not so convinced it is a winner. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. Any helpful words would be great to get this character up and off the ground. Thanks in advance! [/size][/center] |
|
|
|
Post by A.C. Smith on May 19, 2012 13:46:36 GMT -4
I dug the RP! The character itself is very unique, and I chuckled some while reading what he had to say.
My one criticism would be that the DJ himself acted as a 'yes man.' I pointed this out in my latest RP as well; personally, I'd have liked to see how Johnny reacted to being asked some harder questions as opposed to simply being given a chance to roll. Maybe that's a dimension that can be used later on with him; I know Johnny's meant to be seen as a fun-loving guy, but I think that'd add a bit more depth to him.
|
|
|
|
Post by Michael Callahan on May 19, 2012 14:05:04 GMT -4
Good Parts:
-Dialogue and trash talk was generally pretty good.
-I like that your character is a father. It's something different.
Bad Parts:
-Some of your trash talk was jarringly long. There was one big paragraph which was like, eighteen lines long? That's too long. Paragraph it man.
-You don't really sell your opponents much. The key to success in fedding is to make your opponent sound like a threat as much as yourself, especially if you're a face. You don't do too much of that.
-Again, what A.C. said. He seemed like a glorified microphone stand to some extent.
|
|
|
|
Post by sykes on May 20, 2012 6:19:37 GMT -4
First and foremost, I wanted to say thanks for the feedback for the two of you. It'll help me in the future no doubt.
Secondly, when it comes to AC's point. I went back myself and read the rp. I get wher eyou are coming from with thing. As far as the DJ being a bit of a 'yes man' as you described it. It's been awhile since I played the character and he has always been a part of a tag team or a stable. He has never been 'the front man' so to speak.
I stick with what I know and I think it is time to add some depth to him as you suggested. Thing that holds me back is I am afraid that it will alter his character completely which I do not want. But I'm going to take what you said and see how I can twist it to my favor next time.
When it comes to Callahan's bits. I seen what you mean as far as jumbling things together. I could only imagine that it makes things hard to read and makes it easy for people to get loss. I was kind of on a bit where I rushed and its kind of been my style for the longest time but I'll be sure to break it from now on.
As far as the selling opponents bit. Another good catch and I saw it as well when I went back. I think the thing that kind of did me in was it being such a multiple person match. I didn't feel like I had enough time / room to cover every single opponent in the way I wanted to and build them up.
Again like I said this is my first time really playing Sykes on his own [and the first time in several years in general] He has always been a part of a group or a tag team where he didn't get a chance to be the front man or get a chande to really shine. It's kind of why I use his former mentor a lot in my rps because its my comfort zone, but I realize now I gotta be able to switch thing up. Add depth and work just a little bit harder.
Once again, I thank the two of you for your kind words and taking the time to give me a little bit of feedback. I can only hope from here I can take your suggestions them and twist them into my favor to have a successful run with him.[/color]
|
|
