|
|
Post by Anthony Bailey on May 20, 2012 9:23:24 GMT -4
Hey guys, what's going on? I have been here for almost half a year and this is the first time I am asking for feedback so please bear with me...
This is not regarding any particular RP so no link will be provided, but I was wondering what do you all think of my overall direction and RP content? I feel like I'm on the brink of going stale (Content wise) so I wanred some feedback.
At times I feel like my RP's become too repetitive because I seem to overemphasize things like my mission statement (I'm here to build a legacy and not for fame and fortune, etc etc). Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
This is directed to those who follow me and know what I'm about. If you don't, feel free to peer in on some of my RP's and give some critique as well. Thank you guys!
|
|
|
|
Post by Kurt on May 22, 2012 0:36:55 GMT -4
I normally ask for a specific RP to feedback to address so I can specifically highlight issues within the RP, but since you'be asked about a specific problem in general, I'll just highlight that. I'll use your first Mayhem RP as reference if needed though. As far as content, I think you have a very promising face character established. The clear traits are there, and you work them well. You sell your opponents, the match, your own importance, and pretty much the fundamentals that make you a face. However, I do understand your qualms about direction. Because your RPs are very character-centric, especially just about Bailey, it's hard to see a "direction," especially with few side characters to propel forward a story and a lot of "one-shot" themes RPs (basically, does what happened in an RP three weeks ago affect your next RP?) My main advice would be to add a sense of tension to your RPs. This will give you a direction and material to work with, as well as allow you to develop Bailey more. You can do this in one (or several) ways: - Add more prominent/recurring side characters to either compliment, foil, or contradict Anthony Bailey as a character. It's okay to use stock characters for RPs of course, but in the case of the Mother's Day RP, the store clerk doesn't really do much propel a narrative or introduce a new idea; they're mainly there as a prop, really. Bailey can still be the focus, but having someone to play off can never hurt you unless they're boring/flat. - Add an overall narrative...that stays within the realm of wrestling. I'm not suggesting an unrelated filler arc like Anthony Bailey suing somebody or something, but working an arc that is a part of wrestling. Using myself as a reference, right now I'm having Noble experience the overwhelming effects of stardom, which pits his personal life against his wrestling life. That works within wrestling, and allows me to talk about my opponent a lot. For Bailey, you could introduce the idea that Bailey has risen so fast through Asylum, beating all the vets. He's now the guy that's Asylum's poster boy, so how is he reacting to this? Is it causing any problems? Is the pressure mounting? Introducing a larger context, and problems within that context will give us an emotional attachment to Bailey. - Give us a flaw. Face characters have things wrong with them too! Be it physical, mental, emotional, is there something holding Bailey back from his potential? Looking at Overdrive...Gates is kinda mental (  ), Noble has his leg/is selfish, Hart is viewed by some as living in Noble's shadow, etc.. Flaws give us more dynamic characters to become attached to. You don't instantly have to cripple Bailey somehow, but in introducing an overall narrative, you can create a flaw for Bailey. It's okay to emphasize your mission statement, as long as you continually change the context, which all of these ideas can do. Your RPs do a great job of standing on their own and are self-contained, but the trade-off to that is that there isn't an immense drive to see "What's he gonna do/say next?" I hope these paragraphs don't come off as a knock to your writing, because you don't need me to tell you that you're doing well; just look at Asylum. You've got the match relevance down, you have a really solid face character, and you can create RPs themes that are consistent throughout the whole RP; now it's just about adding more elements to put you over the top. Hope this helps! |
|
|
|
Post by C.J. Gates on May 23, 2012 18:30:33 GMT -4
From a quick read over your Mayhem RPs, and from what you've described, it sounds like you might have hit a point that I myself hit early on in my APW tenure. The feeling that the RPs just didn't have that zip for one reason or another. I think your trash talk is down pat and the only real place I can see an improvement needed is the character development/story stuff that precedes it (in the first Mayhem RP at least). I don't even know if I can be the best judge of character, since I'm still trying to fine tune my own stuff, but the opening bit about Bailey at Best Buy...it didn't really seem to do anything. After I read it I felt like it didn't necessarily add anything to the RP as a whole (other than set up the Matlock vs. Matlock idea). I had the same kind of feeling when I felt that the narrative/character development/storyline stuff in my RPs lacked something. I just felt like it was a portion of the RP that I was throwing away because I didn't have anything to fill it with (and sometimes I still do, but I think that's one of those things that if you're not used to it, then it's going to seem alien). I felt like stagnation was coming as well...and I think I managed to fend it off by finding an overall story, as Kurt mentioned and working with it in my RPs (and thanks for calling Gates mental, Kurt ). Gave me some direction when telling the story. Maybe that's all you need to give you a little extra something in your RPs; a wrestling related story that you enjoy telling to go with the trash talk. It's the best I can think of if you want to try and stay away from getting stale. Being repetitive is one of those things that could happen, and you might just need to be conscious of it as you write. Hopefully that helps. Can't say I'm any good at feedback, but since you asked, I felt like I should give some pointers. All I can say is that the stagnation and everything that you seem to be feeling with Bailey is something I've dealt with with both Gates and Rico at one point (and sometimes still do) so all you can do is maybe find a narrative and have fun writing it. I wouldn't be too worried about your overall RPs though. I think your recent wins on Asylum leading into the title match are a good example of how well you write and that you are on the cusp of being one of the best on the brand. |
|
|
|
Post by Jason Cashe on May 23, 2012 19:29:21 GMT -4
I'd say yes to showing us a flaw but if I as your opponent can't find one then I'm not doing my part in writing against you. Not that I can follow these two but the only thing I'd say to do is drop the meaningless scenes. Always make the promo about the match and/or current feud. Be it a inside trashing to someone like when I danced to Michael Jackson while feuding with Havok. Make the scene have a purpose directed towards the goal or opponent. Feel me? Maybe I'm speaking in Charlie Brown's Teacher language.
|
|
|
|
Post by Anthony Bailey on May 26, 2012 22:34:31 GMT -4
Thank you all! Everything that was said will be taken into heavy consideration.
|
|
), Noble has his leg/is selfish, Hart is viewed by some as living in Noble's shadow, etc.. Flaws give us more dynamic characters to become attached to. You don't instantly have to cripple Bailey somehow, but in introducing an overall narrative, you can create a flaw for Bailey.
