Post by stj on Jun 27, 2008 18:16:58 GMT -4
I winced as I stretched my neck coming out of the gym with Diana and Skyler in tow. Now let me tell you something, the front of someone's neck is not made to be rammed over a shoulder four times any more than the back of it is made to have your full weight crashing upon it, needless to say, it's not made for that at all, and it was only a couple of days ago that I had been able to get into the gym at all.
“Look, I'm not talking as a doctor here...”
Diana's concern was touching and annoying all at the same time, that's sisters for you even if they weren't born such, “Then don't act like one, I'm fine.”
“Seriously, doll, what shape is your neck in?”
“Tip-top condition.” My voice was the perky 'we both know I'm lying, now drop it' voice, she gave me the look that said clearer than any words, 'we both know you're lying I'm just not going to call you on it in front of the little one', such is the understanding that we have in terms of tone of voice and certain looks.
She changed the subject, “Did you see Jason's promo?”
I nodded, “Another yawner, I mean f...” I stopped what I was saying and took a breath, “Yeah, I swear, but I don't do it because I think it sounds cool, and I don't do swear every other breath making myself look like someone with tourettes. And then he has the cheek to wonder why he isn't taken seriously...”
Diana nodded her head, [color=ff0000“Let's put it this way, if coherent speech were an indicator of how good a wrestler you are...”[/color]
“Then he'd still have the worst win/loss record in the APW?” I nodded towards the camera that had been catching all of this, “How about you take the kiddo for ice cream and I'll catch up there.”
She gave me a look letting me know that we were going to pick the neck thing up again later, “I'll get you a cone.”
“Vanilla.”
She nodded, “Straight, very unlike you.” She winked and it wasn't long before she and Skyler disappeared out of the door.
I grabbed a bottle of water from my gymbag, unscrewed the cap and took a long sip of the water. I rolled my shoulders, stretching them out and ignoring the pull that this had on my neck. I looked at the men behind the camera, giving him a good hard look that showed him just how much I appreciate cameramen catching me on the hop before turning my cold gaze to the lens. It was a gaze that I knew unnerved people, it had once downright scared me...I had his eyes afterall. “So, Test for the Best...see, this is a name that says to me that we should have the best stars in the APW fighting it out. This is a name that says to me we cannot afford to drag the card down with the dregs of the APW roster...so I have to ask something right here, how on earth did Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid get a title shot? I mean, we all saw Jason's promo, there is a man that is not in a happy state of mind, I mean he makes Ozzy Osbourne look coherent...wait, this is Juason Royce we're talking about, so i really shouldn't talk as if this is something that is new. You know the sad thing about this situation? It's the part where a match involving That Team becomes one where you can take a bathroom break because you know exactly what is going to happen. Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid are going to come down the ramp, That Team are going to come down the ramp, there is only ever going to be one outcome because one of the teams are APW's leading jobbers. Now, I am going to lay this out clearly for those who are as downright lacking in braincells as Jason is, the team of jobbers ain't the established tagteam Champions, the team of jobber ain't the team that has never lost a tag match since they have formed, yes that is right, we are the Samoa Joe of the tagteam division, the team of jobbers ain't That Team, Diana Lambardo and 'Spirit' Tara Jacobs, the jobbers are the team who between them and separately, have the worst win/loss record in the APW. The team we are talking about here have most of their wins between them...against each other, the team we are talking about are Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid.”
I tipped the rest of the water from that bottle into my hair and I could feel the cool droplets sliding from it down the back of my neck, “You see, you are putting two people who as a team are undefeated and apart have among the best win/loss records in the business, you are taking them, and you are putting them in the ring with a pair of barely trained WWF Attitude rejects and I have to ask you just who thinks that this is going to be an even matchup. Do the bookers think that Diana and myself are going to be troubled? That ultimately the titles are going to change hands? Do they, perhaps, think that there is a chance that they will give the crowd the underdogs to root for? Or are they telling Diana and myself that it is finally time that someone puts the APW out of its misery and ends the blight upon the APW that is Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid...you know, I bet it's the latter.”
I shook my head wryly, a grin creeping onto my face, “You see, I have been wondering something since I came into the APW. I have been wondering why they let the rivalry between Jason and Hardcore Kid go on so long. I then started wondering how the bookers allowed them to team up and I think I have a very simple answer to these musings...you see, if Hardcore Kid and Jason Royce are in the ring together, at the same time, then that is one less match that is going to utterly suck. It is one less match that the opponents have to do all the work in and it is one less match where half of the audience is going to turn over whether they paid for the show or not. I bet they were wondering what they hell they were going to do when their rivalry came to an end, the show would fall flat in two different spots now...and Kaos! A gift from the heavens, the jobbers want to run as a tagteam despite the fact that they have had a supposedly iundying hatred for each other ever since the APW had its first show. Mana from the heavens!”
“I heard those discussions.”
I gave a cold laugh, not bothering to shoot the usual 'who asked you?' look for butting in, “So your passion drives you to win at Test of the Best, Royce? You have a fire lit beneath you, do you? Well that is all good and proper, it's how it should be if you actually had talent, but let's have the Cold Hard Facts, the cold winds that will smoother your flames. First, I am going to let you into what, to, seems to be a secret, you and Hardcore Kid are jobbers...in fact you're not even that. Jobbers are people that are brought into the ring to make the established stars look good. And of course, they do that by putting on a good show that ultimately falls short, just like everyone knew it would, but serves the purpose of saying look what this guy had to overcome. So you are right, Jason, you and Hardcore Kid are not jobbers, no, for that would be an insult to everyone that has ever been called a jobber.”
I narrowed my eyes as my quirky gaze turned into a glare of pure venom, “Why is it that you are so confident of winning, Jason? Would it be because you and your partner are big strong men and Diana and I, That Team, note, That Team, not The Team, are just a couple of ladies? Do you think that we cannot hold as much passion as you claim runs through your veins? I mean that has been the common assumption of men since oh, many centuries ago, afterall women are weak and frail. Or have you just been smoking something pretty damn good? You know, I hope that it is that, because I would hate to think that a human can be so messed up in the head. There is a very good reason that people doubt you and let's face it, it is one that you would have to be a moron not to see...ah yeah, we're talking about Jason Royce. It is because you simply do not have the talent to put together a performance that can match well, most of the roster on an off-day. Of course, that falls in with the whole moronic can't string a sentence together without saying 'fuck' image that you tend to put across. Jason, I want you to think over our history together. I want you to think of being choked out with a steel chain, I want you to think about being taken from a ladder through an unholy concoction of wood and glass. I want you to think of the worst pain that you have ever been in and I want you to ask yourself this. Can I beat 'Spirit ' Tara Jacobs. Can Hardcore Kid and I beat That Team, and if you answer yes then I want you to ask yourself again and this time tell the truth.”
I walked towards the camera, stopping after a couple of paces, “And then there is Hardcore Kid, you, little boy, Sean Waltman called, he wants his gimmick back...and I'd give it him, it sucks. WWF Attitude called soon as I put the phone down and they say you suck and that well and truly is saying something. What can I say about you that I have not already said, Hardcore Kid? Could I say that you are a waste of oxygen? No, people already know that. Could I say that there's only one thing worse than a Hardcore Kid match and that's a Jason Royce match? No, I'd only be stating the obvious. Could I say that there is one good thing about you staying in the ring and that it is you might get killed? Every word of it is true you know, but also something that everyone knows to be a Cold Hard Fact. I'm drawing a loss here, I can't think of anything that people don't already say about you, and this isn't because I can't be original, no, it's because there simply is nothing else. I could perhaps go into your win/loss record like I did with Jason Royce, I mean myself, I'm pulling a sixty nine point nine win rate, one of the sad little people who keeps track for baseball cards told me that I have thirty seven wins from fifty seven matches. That means that I win very nearly seven out of every ten matches that I am in compared to your one or two in ten that aren't over Jason Royce. I could talk about how you fell short last time round, how you will always fall short because when you were running with Hardcore Vinnie, you at least had someone who was talented to carry you like a millstone.”
I took another step towards the camera, “I could say that That Team are going to destroy you but it is already what people expect. I could say that you are going to end up staring up at the lights but that is a no-brainer. I could tell you that the only way that you will have these titles is to prise them from my cold dead fingers and it is a Cold Hard Fact that that is not going to happen, but then I would be assuming that you have a base intelligence high enough to process spoken English. Hardcore Kid, I have said it more than once, but there is no room in this business for you, all you and your partner do is draw a check and that is something that I intend to stop. You see, when you are in the ring with those infused with the power of Kaos, you have to be that damn good just to walk away, and you are not that good. I am a woman that has shed and spilled blood all over the country, I am a woman that has fought through spasms racking her body, I am a woman that knows the true meaning of Hardcore and you are not it. I am also a woman with wrestling talent, something that you sadly lack.”
I let loose another cold laugh, “I hope that you saw my promo last week on Overdrive, I hope that you watched real closely as flames licked away at your photos. Do you feel those flames now, Hardcore Kid, Jason Royce? Do you feel them licking away at your careers. Can you feel the heat of the flames that seek to engulf you and to choke your spirits in viscous black smoke. They are a warning, a taster of what is to come. They are those doubts that linger in your minds, those Kaos-given moments of clarity that tell you that you have no business stepping into the ring, they are the harbingers of Kaos, the foretelling of the arrival of the Dark Paladin of Kaos. Oh I have heard the jokes, I have heard people bring up Dungeons and Dragons, but this is serious, this is someone that strikes with the forces of Kaos behind every blow. I am the Mistress of the DDT, she that has been called the Matriarch of UltraViolence, she that is ready and willing to do whatever it takes to walk away with the victory if she has to break your necks to do it. I hope that you are paying attention, I hope that you say your prayers to Kaos before the match, but the one thing that you should never pray for is mercy because quarter you shall find none. These are the words of the Dark Paladin of Kaos, these are the vows of 'Spirit' Tara Jacobs, this is the sincere prayer that Kaos shall have the mercy on your souls that That Team shall lack on your bodies. Kaos shall run rampant forever so long as its Spirit lives.”
I reared my head back, spraying that red mist in the air before walking past the camera, pushing the lens away as I forced the scene to fade to black.[/size]
“Look, I'm not talking as a doctor here...”
Diana's concern was touching and annoying all at the same time, that's sisters for you even if they weren't born such, “Then don't act like one, I'm fine.”
“Seriously, doll, what shape is your neck in?”
“Tip-top condition.” My voice was the perky 'we both know I'm lying, now drop it' voice, she gave me the look that said clearer than any words, 'we both know you're lying I'm just not going to call you on it in front of the little one', such is the understanding that we have in terms of tone of voice and certain looks.
She changed the subject, “Did you see Jason's promo?”
I nodded, “Another yawner, I mean f...” I stopped what I was saying and took a breath, “Yeah, I swear, but I don't do it because I think it sounds cool, and I don't do swear every other breath making myself look like someone with tourettes. And then he has the cheek to wonder why he isn't taken seriously...”
Diana nodded her head, [color=ff0000“Let's put it this way, if coherent speech were an indicator of how good a wrestler you are...”[/color]
“Then he'd still have the worst win/loss record in the APW?” I nodded towards the camera that had been catching all of this, “How about you take the kiddo for ice cream and I'll catch up there.”
She gave me a look letting me know that we were going to pick the neck thing up again later, “I'll get you a cone.”
“Vanilla.”
She nodded, “Straight, very unlike you.” She winked and it wasn't long before she and Skyler disappeared out of the door.
I grabbed a bottle of water from my gymbag, unscrewed the cap and took a long sip of the water. I rolled my shoulders, stretching them out and ignoring the pull that this had on my neck. I looked at the men behind the camera, giving him a good hard look that showed him just how much I appreciate cameramen catching me on the hop before turning my cold gaze to the lens. It was a gaze that I knew unnerved people, it had once downright scared me...I had his eyes afterall. “So, Test for the Best...see, this is a name that says to me that we should have the best stars in the APW fighting it out. This is a name that says to me we cannot afford to drag the card down with the dregs of the APW roster...so I have to ask something right here, how on earth did Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid get a title shot? I mean, we all saw Jason's promo, there is a man that is not in a happy state of mind, I mean he makes Ozzy Osbourne look coherent...wait, this is Juason Royce we're talking about, so i really shouldn't talk as if this is something that is new. You know the sad thing about this situation? It's the part where a match involving That Team becomes one where you can take a bathroom break because you know exactly what is going to happen. Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid are going to come down the ramp, That Team are going to come down the ramp, there is only ever going to be one outcome because one of the teams are APW's leading jobbers. Now, I am going to lay this out clearly for those who are as downright lacking in braincells as Jason is, the team of jobbers ain't the established tagteam Champions, the team of jobber ain't the team that has never lost a tag match since they have formed, yes that is right, we are the Samoa Joe of the tagteam division, the team of jobbers ain't That Team, Diana Lambardo and 'Spirit' Tara Jacobs, the jobbers are the team who between them and separately, have the worst win/loss record in the APW. The team we are talking about here have most of their wins between them...against each other, the team we are talking about are Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid.”
I tipped the rest of the water from that bottle into my hair and I could feel the cool droplets sliding from it down the back of my neck, “You see, you are putting two people who as a team are undefeated and apart have among the best win/loss records in the business, you are taking them, and you are putting them in the ring with a pair of barely trained WWF Attitude rejects and I have to ask you just who thinks that this is going to be an even matchup. Do the bookers think that Diana and myself are going to be troubled? That ultimately the titles are going to change hands? Do they, perhaps, think that there is a chance that they will give the crowd the underdogs to root for? Or are they telling Diana and myself that it is finally time that someone puts the APW out of its misery and ends the blight upon the APW that is Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid...you know, I bet it's the latter.”
I shook my head wryly, a grin creeping onto my face, “You see, I have been wondering something since I came into the APW. I have been wondering why they let the rivalry between Jason and Hardcore Kid go on so long. I then started wondering how the bookers allowed them to team up and I think I have a very simple answer to these musings...you see, if Hardcore Kid and Jason Royce are in the ring together, at the same time, then that is one less match that is going to utterly suck. It is one less match that the opponents have to do all the work in and it is one less match where half of the audience is going to turn over whether they paid for the show or not. I bet they were wondering what they hell they were going to do when their rivalry came to an end, the show would fall flat in two different spots now...and Kaos! A gift from the heavens, the jobbers want to run as a tagteam despite the fact that they have had a supposedly iundying hatred for each other ever since the APW had its first show. Mana from the heavens!”
“I heard those discussions.”
I gave a cold laugh, not bothering to shoot the usual 'who asked you?' look for butting in, “So your passion drives you to win at Test of the Best, Royce? You have a fire lit beneath you, do you? Well that is all good and proper, it's how it should be if you actually had talent, but let's have the Cold Hard Facts, the cold winds that will smoother your flames. First, I am going to let you into what, to, seems to be a secret, you and Hardcore Kid are jobbers...in fact you're not even that. Jobbers are people that are brought into the ring to make the established stars look good. And of course, they do that by putting on a good show that ultimately falls short, just like everyone knew it would, but serves the purpose of saying look what this guy had to overcome. So you are right, Jason, you and Hardcore Kid are not jobbers, no, for that would be an insult to everyone that has ever been called a jobber.”
I narrowed my eyes as my quirky gaze turned into a glare of pure venom, “Why is it that you are so confident of winning, Jason? Would it be because you and your partner are big strong men and Diana and I, That Team, note, That Team, not The Team, are just a couple of ladies? Do you think that we cannot hold as much passion as you claim runs through your veins? I mean that has been the common assumption of men since oh, many centuries ago, afterall women are weak and frail. Or have you just been smoking something pretty damn good? You know, I hope that it is that, because I would hate to think that a human can be so messed up in the head. There is a very good reason that people doubt you and let's face it, it is one that you would have to be a moron not to see...ah yeah, we're talking about Jason Royce. It is because you simply do not have the talent to put together a performance that can match well, most of the roster on an off-day. Of course, that falls in with the whole moronic can't string a sentence together without saying 'fuck' image that you tend to put across. Jason, I want you to think over our history together. I want you to think of being choked out with a steel chain, I want you to think about being taken from a ladder through an unholy concoction of wood and glass. I want you to think of the worst pain that you have ever been in and I want you to ask yourself this. Can I beat 'Spirit ' Tara Jacobs. Can Hardcore Kid and I beat That Team, and if you answer yes then I want you to ask yourself again and this time tell the truth.”
I walked towards the camera, stopping after a couple of paces, “And then there is Hardcore Kid, you, little boy, Sean Waltman called, he wants his gimmick back...and I'd give it him, it sucks. WWF Attitude called soon as I put the phone down and they say you suck and that well and truly is saying something. What can I say about you that I have not already said, Hardcore Kid? Could I say that you are a waste of oxygen? No, people already know that. Could I say that there's only one thing worse than a Hardcore Kid match and that's a Jason Royce match? No, I'd only be stating the obvious. Could I say that there is one good thing about you staying in the ring and that it is you might get killed? Every word of it is true you know, but also something that everyone knows to be a Cold Hard Fact. I'm drawing a loss here, I can't think of anything that people don't already say about you, and this isn't because I can't be original, no, it's because there simply is nothing else. I could perhaps go into your win/loss record like I did with Jason Royce, I mean myself, I'm pulling a sixty nine point nine win rate, one of the sad little people who keeps track for baseball cards told me that I have thirty seven wins from fifty seven matches. That means that I win very nearly seven out of every ten matches that I am in compared to your one or two in ten that aren't over Jason Royce. I could talk about how you fell short last time round, how you will always fall short because when you were running with Hardcore Vinnie, you at least had someone who was talented to carry you like a millstone.”
I took another step towards the camera, “I could say that That Team are going to destroy you but it is already what people expect. I could say that you are going to end up staring up at the lights but that is a no-brainer. I could tell you that the only way that you will have these titles is to prise them from my cold dead fingers and it is a Cold Hard Fact that that is not going to happen, but then I would be assuming that you have a base intelligence high enough to process spoken English. Hardcore Kid, I have said it more than once, but there is no room in this business for you, all you and your partner do is draw a check and that is something that I intend to stop. You see, when you are in the ring with those infused with the power of Kaos, you have to be that damn good just to walk away, and you are not that good. I am a woman that has shed and spilled blood all over the country, I am a woman that has fought through spasms racking her body, I am a woman that knows the true meaning of Hardcore and you are not it. I am also a woman with wrestling talent, something that you sadly lack.”
I let loose another cold laugh, “I hope that you saw my promo last week on Overdrive, I hope that you watched real closely as flames licked away at your photos. Do you feel those flames now, Hardcore Kid, Jason Royce? Do you feel them licking away at your careers. Can you feel the heat of the flames that seek to engulf you and to choke your spirits in viscous black smoke. They are a warning, a taster of what is to come. They are those doubts that linger in your minds, those Kaos-given moments of clarity that tell you that you have no business stepping into the ring, they are the harbingers of Kaos, the foretelling of the arrival of the Dark Paladin of Kaos. Oh I have heard the jokes, I have heard people bring up Dungeons and Dragons, but this is serious, this is someone that strikes with the forces of Kaos behind every blow. I am the Mistress of the DDT, she that has been called the Matriarch of UltraViolence, she that is ready and willing to do whatever it takes to walk away with the victory if she has to break your necks to do it. I hope that you are paying attention, I hope that you say your prayers to Kaos before the match, but the one thing that you should never pray for is mercy because quarter you shall find none. These are the words of the Dark Paladin of Kaos, these are the vows of 'Spirit' Tara Jacobs, this is the sincere prayer that Kaos shall have the mercy on your souls that That Team shall lack on your bodies. Kaos shall run rampant forever so long as its Spirit lives.”
I reared my head back, spraying that red mist in the air before walking past the camera, pushing the lens away as I forced the scene to fade to black.[/size]
