Post by Your JESUS on Jun 6, 2012 15:10:38 GMT -4
Fast forward a bit from where I last left you, and here I am walking out of my meeting with Jeff feeling damn good. My pleasant mood has nothing to do with Jeff's expertise in wrist snapping hand jobs, I declined might I add. You see things are moving along so fast yet thats life right, it plugs away with or with out you, like some dopey U2 song. I pause briefly to let it all soak in. I am back after two years here I come. Jeff looked rather happy about my return, yet he was a bit different. The major explosion of his feud to the supremacy of wrestling might have gone to his head a bit. The guy almost had a swagger about him like he was doing me the favor, when in reality everyone knows I'm the one lending the helping hand by returning to the ranks. Well in my ego filled mindset thats how it goes down. No matter my name is back among the APW roster, my face will be on TV once more, and my shenanigans will be discussed like viral videos running the web. With my mind full of material and my next move sitting on the edge of my tongue like a kid at the pool ready to springboard into the water I try to focus on just one thing at a time. I'm sure you sick fucks in readers digest have questions, and they will get answered soon enough. First let me paint the picture, that's what I am supposed to do as a fucking narrator right. Let me slap some color to this plain Jane bullshit and hope you see the pathetic attempt to create a mountain filled landscape. My ruggedness is looking like a million dollars, I have on a suit, some bad ass shades to protect my eyes. Now I don't want to hear any grief from people that I am indoors wearing sunglasses, if Bret Hart could do it, Little Wayne, any other uneducated quazi-celeb from a reality show, then the self proclaimed Savior of wrestling, the Hottest Shit Going Michael Lively can damn sure do it. Now, for those of you unaware of my overall greatness, let me clue you in on my ego filled aura, I have many nicknames, many self dubbed titles if you will, some people call the gimmicks, I call them facts of life. The Woman Hater being one, that in fact is a shoot, I despise me a female and even worse I hate the ones who claim to be equal to us men, even more foul and vile are the ones who think they can lace up a pair of wrestling boots and step through the ropes, Gawd awful. One other very important fact of life is that I fancy myself the second coming of Christ, a little crazy, maybe...but fact none the less. Enough of my ego, plenty of time for that, and surely I will dive off course to divert back here once again, so let my straighten the wheel and get her back on the road.
Ah yes, the painting of sorts, try to focus your minds eye on a press conference. The media is on hand, the cock lapping leeches that they are have come in droves knowing that the one and only JESUS has made his triumphant return to the promise land otherwise known as Action fucking Packed Wrestling. The podium is prepped, the traditional white banner background with APW plastered all over is standing tall. We have to promote the brand every chance we get right, yay for marketing. So the chatter of the media rumbles in the air, and quickly becomes silence as their attention is diverted by a women walking to the podium. She taps the phallic mouth piece not to check if it's on, but because you put anything like that near a red blooded American woman that doesn't have a mullet or a flat top, and for some strange reason they must give it a love tap. After her weird moment of female stupidity she leans forward putting her mouth to it, always step two, unless said woman is married, but off topic.
"People of the press thank you for coming here today. This is a very special occasion, the return of a savior, the Hottest Shit Going, The Woman Hater, the first ever Grand Slam Champion of APW...Michael Lively!!!!"
A small amount of fireworks explode over head startling the so called journalists, and the tune of AFI begins to play welcoming me to the conference. A little much for an indoor press conference and smoke hangs in the air as I b-line it from behind one of the black drapes hung on the side. My feet sprint up the stairs as the flash bulbs flicker like strobe lights at a nightclub. My left hand covers the microphone and I stare a hole through this woman who just introduced me. Sometimes I can send messages to others with out even uttering a word, simply just giving a solid glare, but in this case I decide to let her know exactly what was on my mind.
"You dumb fucking retard, I understand you were made inferior by nature but when I ask you if you have prepared and you reply yes, that should mean you are ready to do it perfect."
At this point the woman gives me that sympathetic look, you know the one. It's the classic 'I want to be treated as an equal, I want to vote, have all the same rights as men, that is until my less then average brain shows it's true colors, then I break out the puppy dog eyes hoping it may make you feel bad or even turn me on in some silly way, hoping I will lose track of the real matter' look. Silly whore.
"Bitch you know who I am, knock that hookerish look off your face. That silly ass female trickery doesn't phase me. Now let's try it again."
I storm off the stage back behind the curtain basically yelling to the pyro guy and the audio idiot to do it over. They give me a crazy look, knowing we filled the room with enough smoke the first time. I pull the shades off letting them see the eyes of a real loose cannon, and a man so self absorbed I can not listen to simple common sense. They kind of shake their heads and reset.
"People of the press thank you for coming here today. This is a very special occasion, the return of a savior, the Hottest Shit Going, The Woman Hater, the first ever Grand Slam Champion of APW, he's is the symbol of Ruggedness, the Picture of Perfection, all that is right in this world can be shown through his example, he is my personal JESUS...Michael Lively!!!!"
With that the explosion this time doesn't scare anyone and with my music pumping I exit the curtain pausing briefly to throw my arms outward in the ever so famous I am JESUS pose, if you don't know, google it, tis quite amazing. The picture taking machine gun fire hits my direction as I hold the pose, then break and walk toward the podium. The woman whom I hired from a local talent agency stares at me as I approach with a look all females toss my way after any encounter together. I stop and motion for her to pass by with the ladies first attitude. She smiles to the media, throws a wave their direction and starts to walk off. I quickly knee this bitch in her baby maker getting a loud pop from the journalists. A few old schoolers down below were ready for it but most aren't including this half witted, would be actress. As she groans in pain I yank her by the back of her hair, standing her straight up, pull off my shades, and shoot her a stare as if she should have known better. In a flash I release her spring back, turn my hips and throttle a gorgeous super kick right into her dick gobbler. She hits the stage like a sack of shit, and in that instant I once again strike my pose with a devilish grin. Feels good to be back I must say. A couple of guys come in from behind the curtain and carry off this unconscious broad as if they were on stand by waiting. I wouldn't say I planed on kicking this bitch in her teeth from the beginning, but if I were a betting man I would say for a happy meal and an issue of Playboy dated from 1992 you can get a couple of dudes out side of Home Depot to do anything for you. With that the pregame show is concludes and I take my place behind the podium to address the band of dickless, semem lovers that stand below me for what I consider the main event, my public address.
"I would say thank you for coming but we all know you wouldn't miss this for shit for nothing. Maybe you silly pricks should thank me, that's right thank your JESUS...thank me for being brave, and man enough to do what no other could..."
With that I glare at the confused press and simply move forward, knowing they don't have the deep respect many people should for their savior.
"Let me first start off by saying it's been awhile, a long hard journey, uphill in the snow seventy miles bare foot with two naked midgets in each of my hands as I do bicep curls the entire time..."
Once again crickets from these brainless pukes, and I march on like the warrior savant that I am.
"APW, my home, the house that Lively built. I was the foundation for what has now become a major success. Well APW prospered, and here I stand like that rich kid who helped fund Facebook. I have my fucking hand out ready for what's mine, I would love my slice of the pie. That too much to ask for, just a little lemon pie for Uncle Lively?"
Uhhh, narration time, fuck it just keep reading.
"So it's time to open the fridge, get your serving dish out, and break me off what I deserve."
At this moment a member of the peanut gallery below decides to flap his loose lips.
"So you are saying you are owed money Lively?"
"Holly shit folks, we got us a real, full fledged genius here today."
I rip the mic from the podium and hop off the stage. The sea of retards part as if my name was Moses. Me and this squid lipped son of a bitch come face to face.
"So first off it's not time for questions if it were, I might have asked for them, right?"
The guy looks a little embarrassed and a tad bit pissed.
"Now I don't go to your work when you moonlight as a fluffer in gay porn and interrupt you while you bunny hop on another man's poop poker, do I?"
This guy is beet red now, which emotion is it, anger, frustration, or flat out embarrassment. I don't care right now. I'm zoned out completely, I have gone into full blown self loving, I am a God mode right now and like a raging Hulk you have to just wait for it to wear off.
"Don't give me that stupid look, look at those calves, all pumped up, did you just come from the set? You come to my press conference with some dudes seed crammed all in your backside and you look at the JESUS with those Hungry Eyes...you disgust me"
The rest of the journalists begin laughing, as I turn and walk back to the podium. My address continues.
"Action Packed Wrestling has become quite the organization. All grownup now with their big boy britches and they seem to have forgotten about the people who helped raise them up proper. You might say, but oh holy savior they inducted you into the hall of fame, and to that I say oh joy. Listen if you are in Cleveland there is a little place you can visit called the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the NFL has one in Canton, and Major League Baseball has Cooperstown. Action Packed Wrestling's Hall of Fame is located where?"
With that I point out to the all knowing press pussies seated below me, and a silence of stupidity just fills the air.
"Exactly, so I'm inducted into a make believe group of Fame with no real Hall, because of that I must be proud right. Quote me on this...FUCK THAT!!! Listen the pride that makes my giant balls tingle with electricity comes only when making people realize they have no business standing opposite me in the ring. With that being said, I just met with Jeff, we exchanged a few words. Unlike the past contract negotiations, this time I simply had Jeff pull out one of his simple developmental pay deals, and slapped my name on the dotted line. I have plenty of money, I have a wealth of skill, and these giant balls have swollen to massive proportions. It's time I start blasting off some gooey ropes in the face of all those who should be knelt before me."
So I have a God complex, a foul mouth, and a twisted mind it doesn't make me a bad person...it just means I'm Republican.
"I am going to blaze a trail through this fed similar to your parents favorite porn, leaving the competition knelt down with open mouths like baby birds waiting for my seed. The path to success now goes through the door with my name plate screwed to it. Action Packed Wrestling your measuring stick for greatness is back, your Savior has returned. So to those feeling froggy, walk on down the path lined with fans, my house is the one in the middle with the fancy ropes. There is no need to knock because my door is always open. So waltz right in and make yourself comfy. I'll be right out to tend to business, and by business I basically mean the complete decimation of your pride, and to completely ruin any sense your dignity. Facing me in my home is like getting raped by your father. It is supposed be a safe place and for most respects it is, that is till that drunken prick father shows up. All out of his mind with a ragging hard on and the thought of busting a nut clouding his judgement. All you so called Mega Stars, the part of your crazy father will be played by yours truly, so unbutton those pants because daddy's home, liquored up and feeling frisky."
Now a lot of weird looks are coming from the press, and to tell you the truth I don't blame them. I don't typically think through the things I say, definitely don't plan it out, I just flow like a freestyle rapper trying to humiliate his opponent. The nonsense just flows from my mouth like alcohol poisoning, and this time I just basically puked out quite a mess. I just put APW on notice to protect their anal cavities, implying I would violently force myself on them. Intimidating, yes, the exact message I was aiming for, not really. Either way a point was made and I inform the media that I am through and walk off stage.
