One more thing...

[goodburn]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=meltdownrp&thread=10607

So, with Kyle Goodburn really coming through with his last few roleplays, I would just like one last feedback thread. I'll be sure to check in on the feedback threads more often in return

What should I continue to do with Goodburn? Is there any sort of fluff that isn't needed? Any sort of structure issues that I need to work on?

Thank you everyone so far for the great advice. I hope it shows that I have taken all of your feedback and applied it to my roleplays

[Evan De Parker]

The Good: I've said it to you before, but it really interests me when the story is told in the perspective of somebody that isn't the wrestler (though once every now and again, maybe you should have Goodburn tell it from his POV just to change it up). I've tried it a few times with Sienna Harrison, though my RPs have never been in first-person. Honestly, I'm usually not a fan of that in a roleplay, but it never comes off as awkward in Kyle Goodburn promos. Kudos. It flows naturally, like a regular ol' book. I like that Kyle's father is like, his complete opposite. It gives the RPs an interesting dynamic that I'd like to see a lot more of, in a lot of other scenarios.

And I really like Goodburn's father as a character in general. I feel like he's somebody that's easy to relate to and the dialogue between the two is believable. I feel that one day, he's gonna slap Kyle across his back-sassin' face.

There was plenty of focus on your opponents, your partners, and the mystery opponent as well as a few possibilities and how they may affect your team.

The Bad: Moved a little slow at parts. It was well-written and had interesting enough dialogue to keep me reading consistently, and I'm not sure what advice to offer to make it more compelling. Kyle simply needs a really good solid feud to work off of. Something to build toward. In the meantime, I say capitalize on the lack of feud. Let APW and your opponents know why Goodburn should be a force to be reckoned with. This can mainly be helped by submitting segments to the shows.

Also, I'm not a fan of the word "feud" being used in an RP since it makes it seem like everyone knows it's a work. Kyle's attitude is very smark-ish which sometimes works, but usually doesn't work with guys in e-fedding. I'm not sure what to think about it yet in Goodburn's case.