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Post by Reaver on Jun 14, 2012 15:13:33 GMT -4
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Post by Jason Cashe on Jun 14, 2012 16:37:04 GMT -4
Truthfully and I've told you this before I'm sure. FOR Asylum, that entire scene helps nothing really. It was all CD with barely a mention of your match and with a 2k Word Limit, EVERY piece of the promo counts. Just how I've seen it since being here. Good scene but it was more focused towards interaction with CD stuff than match relation. That would work better for Overdrive or Meltdown. NOT saying it's trash by any means. I was pleasantly surprised at the grammar and spelling not being thrashed. So props there. That's the shit you should be writing like ALL DAY. You need more shoot though to make it on Asylum, it's the Shoot Promotion of APW. Just facts.
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Post by Evan De Parker on Jun 14, 2012 17:06:14 GMT -4
Well. Maybe it's because I'm a fan of subtle comedy instead of slapstick, but I found myself turned off at the beginning with the mention of farting, and assholes, and explicit tea-bagging... Female tea-bagging at that, which screams virgin to me. But ya know-- at least it was entertaining. It may not be my style, but I laughed, I won't lie. But mind you, there was way too much focus on the fart, the anus, and the sitting on faces. This isn't Cinemax.
Also not a fan of the constant use of the word "homo." For me it ranks up there with the C-word and the word "moist", as words I always avoid using.
I have to disagree with Kash though. I think there was plenty of focus on your opponent. Granted, I haven't read enough of Asylum to know if the "shoot-style" is expected, but I think you used every bit of the 2k word limit to develop Knuckles and talk about your match, so props for that. We saw that Knuckles has goals that not only exceed this match with Atken (in his mind, anyway) but straight for the top spot in the company by knocking off Jason Kash and TRI. I sensed through his promo that he was frustrated-- also sexually frustrated, but that's another story entirely.
All in all, I don't think this was bad by any means. It was effective.
The Good: Lets me, as an outsider, figure out who Knuckles is as a person. My suggestion is to keep his attitude consistent. If he's going to be gross and foul with a beautiful woman, why isn't he gross and foul while talking to Atken? Incorporate that nonsense into the character and make it useful. Entertaining as all hell though. But if you're gonna do it, go over the top with it. Go all-the-fuck-out.
The Bad: I've already mentioned it. Too much anus. A damn-near unrealistic encounter with any self-respecting woman. But we have no idea who this woman is, so I can't really count that as a fatal flaw. Also, there were some minor grammatical errors (like "manor" in the place of "manner" for instance).
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Post by Reaver on Jun 14, 2012 17:28:53 GMT -4
much appreciated....
the point kash, is that atken and farq were in a match at rasslemania involving tea which is the whole point of "tea bagging".
knux hasnt been to the strip club in a while so thats y it was added. knuckles is in a transition at this point. read the profile and ull see but this this all leads into the next.
<3 thanx guys
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Post by Jason Cashe on Jun 14, 2012 19:11:55 GMT -4
Yeah I got that metaphor. I also liked your Shoot in the promo. I just think you put too much into the comedy sometimes. Then again, it's far better than the serious Knuckles from TcW, just hard to not laugh when Knuckles gets angry. Haha!
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Post by Jason Cashe on Jun 14, 2012 19:23:44 GMT -4
I'm wrong too a bit. Asylum isn't 100% Shoot as I may have suggested. I'd say it was more 60/40 Shoot but at times Knuckles only throws out 3-4 paragraphs of talk towards his opponent and that could hurt a bit at times. He has gone overboard a few times (Blue Waffles..) and knows he's gonna be a dirty perv when he becomes an old man.
I dislike my own rps if it's too much CD that doesn't outright reflect upon my opponents. Then again, I like to do Shitting Rps and I love the word Moist. Whats wrong with you Evan? Haha
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Post by Reaver on Jun 14, 2012 20:46:31 GMT -4
I'm wrong too a bit. Asylum isn't 100% Shoot as I may have suggested. I'd say it was more 60/40 Shoot but at times Knuckles only throws out 3-4 paragraphs of talk towards his opponent and that could hurt a bit at times. He has gone overboard a few times (Blue Waffles..) and knows he's gonna be a dirty perv when he becomes an old man. I dislike my own rps if it's too much CD that doesn't outright reflect upon my opponents. Then again, I like to do Shitting Rps and I love the word Moist. Whats wrong with you Evan? Haha too late.......i already am :-p |
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