Out Of My Mind

[J-Hop]

[ :: BLOW IT ALL AWAY :: ]
Live today like it's your last



Twin Parks NW Apartments
June 26th 2012 – 4:00 pm

Alienated, I sat to myself, no one around, in the dark-lit apartment. Darkness around this time meant bad weather was close. Rain, storm, or worse, who knew? who cared? I had just failed everything I had gotten into this business for. To become a dominant ‘face’ in the ranks, to defy the stupidity of those that saw me as nothing more than a ‘gangbanger’. Nothing but trouble, a corruption to this great company…

You know, just a few from what the critics had to say.

Fuck them, I say…

They knew nothing about me, nor will they ever know anything about me, my thirst, hunger, hustle to become great. All they knew was what they saw appearance-wise. Didn’t they ever hear that line, “Never judge a book by it’s cover!” What if I looked like a ‘Steve Urkel’ look-a-like? Had the kaleidoscope colors and suspenders on? Would I be thought of as a ‘book worm’ when in reality I’m one of the most sought out criminals in America. No one knows shit, all they do is ‘judge’. I was sick of it to be honest. Maybe that was portion of the reason for this ‘slight’ downfall.

“Hey baby!” Karin said with a joyful tone of voice as she held a smile on her face, happy about something. I tried to hide what I was feeling underneath.

“Hey, what’s good? What you smiling about?” I asked, trying to figure that out.

She came over as she sat down in the chair opposite of me, sitting her purse and things down. Kicking off her ‘heels’, she slid her feet into her comfortable ‘Bunny Ear’ slippers as she rested back in the chair, taking a deep breathe.

“I got a small promotion within the store. All that hard work is finally paying off.” She said, excitedly as she looked at me, displaying little emotion.

“What’s wrong with you? Don’t tell me you are still in a ‘funk’ over that defeat. I told you will get em’ next time around!” Karin said, trying to make the pain a bit easier to swallow but she just didn’t know how I felt. This couldn’t be condensed and swallowed.

“Mama’ … I blew everything. TWICE, I had an opportunity to snatch out of the air, both a rewarding a promising shot at greatness, and I failed.” I explained as she began to look down. “It’s not something I’m going to forget overnight.”

Karin just held a smirk as she looked at me, shaking her head.

“We all struggle to achieve what we want, darling … It’s just the matter of you getting back up from it. That’s what you need to do!” Karin tossing advice, she kept that smirk on her face, hoping I would smile too. “Don’t keep beating yourself over it. You will succeed, you will survive!” She added, as she then reached for her purse.

She reached deep in her purse as she begun to shake her head slightly. I looked on with my head down and tilted on an angle. She pulled out some rolling paper and a Ziploc bag filled half-way with a decent amount of weed. My eyes widened as my head rose up. You could smell it, just that quick as I shook my head, not believing it.

“What the hell, Ma’?” I said in shock. “Where the hell you get that from?” I asked, completely out of the loop. She remained quiet as she begun to set it up on the table, before making

“Don’t worry where I got it from. I can’t have you depressed around this bitch!” She said as she licked her lips, making the roll. “I’m the only female in this room.” She followed with a comical taste.

A perfectly rolled blunt, she grabbed the Zippo out of her purse as she flicked it, creating a flame, she slowly brought it to the edge as she lit it, quickly puffing into it as she got it lit. Capping off the lighter, she sat it on the coffee table in front of her. Closing the Ziploc bag back up, she laid it in her purse as with the lighter. She rested back in the chair, eyes up towards the ceiling, puffing away as the smoke slowly drifted out from her mouth.

“Open them windows up, babe … If you don’t mind!” She asked as I jumped like a rabbit, opening two of the windows that were in the living room. Its fragrance had quickly spread which was the need of letting some windows open.

As I sat down in the chair, resting back, Karin had gotten up out of hers and made her way slowly over to me, two fingers holding the blunt as she took it out her mouth and assisted me by placing it in my mouth. I was never a smoker, never wanted to be one. I didn’t know what the hell to do and Karin knew that. I knew the dangers of addiction to this shit, but with her assisting it in front of me, my lips were suddenly quivering for it, it seemed.

“Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you … It’s a ‘relaxer’, makes you forget about everything in this world.” She said as I could sense the change in her attitude, the way she was ‘swaying’ side to side like a curtain. “It’s a stress reliever, darling … Let it relieve your mind!” She ended with as the blunt was in my mouth, my two fingers wrapped around it as I took it out to exhale.

“Daaaaayyyuuuummmmmmmmmmm!” I dragged as the immediate feeling was so good. It felt like I was on ‘Cloud Nine’, I could feel the heaviness in my eyes.

“Enjoy it, love … You will never forget the experience!” She said as she was damn right about it, the experience was like heaven. I felt nothing but her ‘grinding’ legs upon my legs as my eyes were heavily dragging to look sideways. I couldn’t explain any of this shit, I remained quiet.

“Uh-huh…” Was all I let out after a few minutes more.

She ‘flexed’ herself out, legs out wide as she looked into my eyes, I could see she was somewhat ‘faded’ by the way she was acting. Everything had felt in its right place as she pushed herself against me as she slid out of her tight, pink shirt as her left hand reached behind her back, reaching to the back of her bra, quickly unsnapping it. It fell down as she pushed herself even more against me. I was slightly confused to what she was doing.

“Karin … What are you doing?” I asked, knowing what she was doing, just unsure to why she was doing it.

“Just enjoy the experience!” She said once again as she leaned her head on my right shoulder. My eyes then aimed towards the ceiling as I knew what was next. I really wasn’t in the mood for it, but she was feeling it.

After a few minutes of her grinding her body up and down, she came to a pause, a pause that would be silent. I didn’t expect what would go down next as my eyes ‘weirdly’ looked out the corner. She went into a ‘Snorlax’.

“Karin?” I said, calling her name. She didn’t respond.

“Karin?” I again called her name, this time a bit louder. No respond, no movement, just her snoring.

A smile crept onto my face as there was no need to wake her from her ‘deep sleep’. With the blunt still in my mouth, I just laid back, ignoring the fact that she had fell into my arms, snoring lightly. It was a major turn-off, but it is what it is.

I just rested back in the chair, her body on mines. I still felt like I was in heaven with every puff that I did. I finally felt good, happy, and well in spirit. All I could say was that I had the best girlfriend ever! She made sure I was over the losses. After a few puffs, I looked to be over with it too … but in my mind, it still had screen captures of those closing seconds to failure.

Failure was an epidemic and I was about to cure myself from it.

“Oh well …” I said lastly as my other arm came around, consoling her as we were just there, that Kodak-like moment. This was my first, obviously my last but at least I got to live once!

END

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"MIND BLOWN"
TAPING: Recording Session #004
DATE: June 27th, 2012
OPPONENT: El Insecto De Negro

[ REC • ]


The past couple of weeks haven’t been like the first couple of weeks, Jair was facing major adversity for his poor showings, looking half-dead or out of it. Although lasting almost to the end in that Battle Royale for the last slot in the ‘Test 4 The Best’ tournament, he faltered the next week, showing not a care in the world it seemed. Many questioned his desire. He showed so much promise that now it looked as if all was quickly fading into the abyss. Jair didn’t need anymore weight on his shoulders. He was still a rookie and as a ‘rookie’, you have to cure to so many faults and mistakes and that was what Jair was trying to do, cover those mistakes up with success that was needed now.

The scene, it was hazy and smoky as the smoke came from the direction of ‘J-Hop’ himself. In his lounge chair, he was laid back, and without a shadow of a doubt, higher than a parakeet. After being ‘blessed’ by what his girl, Karin had given him, he was in a new world, all the stress-related problems were released like a flood. Right now, he didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything, his mind was all about getting back on focus and doing damage as intended.

J-Hop: I just found out I have an insect as my opponent this week. I mean what the fuck though, really? Two losses and I get an insect for dinner? Is this ‘Fear Factor’ … Is Joe Rogan gonna’ come from the back holding fifty gee’s for me to grab? Ugh, I never should’ve hit this …

Jair speaks as he takes a light puff from the rolled up blunt that his girlfriend had given him as a ‘calmer’ and a calmer it was as Jair was free as a bird, holding nothing back from his mouth. He sounded like the egotistical ‘bad guy’ right now but it was all the effects of his first ‘puff’.

J-Hop: What makes it worst is that he’s fucking black, instead of the real ‘N-word’ this motha’ uses the dictionary version … “Negro”. A black insect, bug, critter, I don’t know … will I need a ‘swatter’ in that ring to take him down? Raid, Ortho Home Defense? What will stop him if I don’t? I mean I’ve blown two huge opportunities at being something and I’m stuck here with a ‘bug’. I thought that puffed-face bitch Carmen was the bug around here ‘zig-zagging’ for a coattail to ride. Looks like she’s got a black insect as a friend. Shit, I don’t even know right know … I’m ‘fuming’ but all I can do is smile.

Coughing several times afterwards, the effect of taking into much, Jair was not a smoker so for him it was a huge step that he didn’t want to take. He seen those smoking commercials. He didn’t want to end up broke down and raggedy later in his years. To be 30 and look like 70 … it wasn’t what he aimed for. This was only for this purpose, he hoped to never use it again, although it was working well right now!

J-Hop: I have no clue why I accepted this shit, I’ve seen what a habit of this can do, a habit that turns into an addiction. They are huge against this shit now, even so as much ruining one’s dinner plans with an old raggedy ass bitch with a whole in her throat that sounds like a poor man’s version of vocoder. I gotta’ say though … very good shit. My woman been hiding out on me, ain’t that a bitch but at least she saw me through this struggle and wanted to help her ‘baby’ out.

J-Hop: It’s working two, everything’s sorta hazy and wobbly like a quake. All I can do is smile, no worries at all. If I lose to an ant, I will have no worries at all. If next week I have to face some ‘cracker jack’, cool, no worries, man! It’s legit. In reality, I can’t see myself losing to an insect, just not possible, just not right. No one knows about this bastard except for his current losing streak. No one knows anything except for his height, his weight, and his location. Who the hell knew a bug weighed over two hundred pounds? That’s a big bitch … I guess Raid nor that ‘spray-on’ shit is gonna’ work.

Then it struck him …

J-Hop: Oh shit … Wait a minute, it’s Jeff Goldblum behind that mask. The Fly – Part III …. Oh shit, Oh shit, OHHHHH SHITTTT! I’m excited now, I get to fight that freak of nature. Or I might just be disappointed again. Seriously though, I’m lunchin’ like a sum’bitch but I REALLY is intrigued to what this ‘El Negro Insecto’ is about. Kinda hard when the word ‘enigma’ is involved but that’s fine. I’ll get ‘48 Hour Mystery’ on that case to give me the lowdown.

J-Hop: After I finish stomping ‘EIDN’ to nothing more than squished grape juice, I’m going to reclaim what I should’ve gotten weeks ago or perhaps last week, another chance at a title in the future. I want that opportunity that I’ve never had the chance to take away. I had it twice and let it run away from me. Damn if I’m gonna let that shit happen again!

Jair, completely ‘clouded’ in a realm where everything feels good to him. What he was smoking on did exactly what his girlfriend said it was going to do. Relieve stress, leaving you with no worries about nothing. Right now, Jair was on an all time high.

J-Hop: Come Meltdown, I’m going to show just why I am the legit talent that signed that rookie contract to Meltdown. I’m going to do what the ‘lost’ Kardashian sister couldn’t do in Carmen Rivera … I’m going to completely dominate this shit! Not ‘dream’ it but realize it. Just because I’m well ‘lit’ right now doesn’t mean this shit is a ‘passerby’ … Jair Hopkins will be remembered, not for his ‘ghetto’ looks but for his flawless ambitions and being a trail blazer in this company. Fuck the haters … and that is REAL!

On that note, Jair takes one last puff from the blunt, a smile that stretches from ear to ear. He sits upright as he hits the “Stop” button on the recorder. A laughing giggle, Jair continued puffing on it as he rests back to the previous position as the scene comes to a slow fade.