Post by Michael Callahan on Jul 6, 2012 16:03:14 GMT -4
”For how long will English constituencies and English Honourable members tolerate ... at least 119 Honourable Members from Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland exercising an important, and probably often decisive, effect on English politics while they themselves have no say in the same matters in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland?”-Tam Dalyell, Labour MP, 1977
The quote above by a former English Member of Parliament is one that resounds very often when the issue of the “West Lothian Question” is raised for public debate. It's a quote that Callahan himself is very familiar with and the interesting topical debate regarding the double standards of decision making powers within the UK is the basis of Callahan's enigmating, empowering speech that he plans to give today with the latest update of his YouTube blog. Sitting at his laptop with the web-cam ready to go, he starts filming as Steve Fukuyama makes a sneaky cameo in the background playing video games.
The time for words has begun, but soon it'll only be time for action.
[RECORD]
”Being Michael Callahan, most if not all of my major life goals involve election into high office and selflessly representing my people just like I have done for Asylum as a true servant for the greater good. These aspirations have no boundaries, I think it's clear that the pinnacle of achievement for me would be to one day call myself your president. As a man who studied Political Theory at Yale University it will come as no surprise to you that while my scrupulous eye focuses chiefly on American issues, I pay extremely close attention to international politics and the issues abroad that we ourselves may one day face. Especially those of our Western allies. Now it's no secret that I think the United Kingdom with its bicameral parliamentary system and antiquated monarchy is incredibly backwards and a pinnacle example of how not to run a country. However, one of their contemporary issues they face today is one that applies rather well to the state of Action Packed Wrestling. An all-important question that remains unanswered. What question is that?”
Pausing, he turns to one side and pulls out a hand-drawn banner with the Scottish flag and chicken scratch writing reading “The West Lothian Question”.
”The West Lothian Question. Where regional territories within their own borders vie for autonomy and the right of self-government and yet retain decision making abilities within the territories which used to govern them. Sound familiar? It should do, something similar happened during two hundred years ago in this event... Ooh, what was it called? Oh yeah, that's right. The Cuban Missile Crisis.”
Nobody knows why Callahan is being deliberately being historically inaccurate but it's a recurring theme when he's not on camera. He was recently quoted by a tape recorder as saying that kicking the British's ass back in Vietnam was one of the most satisfying moments of American history.
”Allow me to explain it for you. The United Kingdom has been run by Westminster and Parliament for centuries thanks to powers granted to them by the Monarchy. Their system is kinda' similar to our own House of Representatives, but ours is clearly superior. However, the “outsider territories”, Wales, Ireland and Scotland that help England form the UK are trying to break away and become their own self-determining nations. It'd be like if every state decided to say “Screw you, Washington D.C.” and each state became an individual country. Nobody does it here because it's an insane idea. This concept of powers being handed down to institutes like “The Scottish Parliament” and “The Welsh Assembly” is called Devolution and is leading to the decentralisation of government. When The Confederates tried it on, we kicked their lily asses all over Point Lookout. Don't tread on me? We did more than tread, we stomped a hole in 'em. That's what the UK should be doing, but they're not. They're embracing it.”
Callahan's expression sinks from outrage to simple disgust. As a conservative he's very much in favour of rolling back the government but retaining a strong, central body to control the nation. He doesn't believe in regional authority at all. It defeats the whole point of being a part of a “nation”.
”Thanks to devolution in the UK, situations have arisen where members of the UK parliament from across these borders like Wales and Scotland and Ireland can make votes on decisions that affect English politics yet the reverse isn't possible. England's political infrastructure is at the mercy of “micks”, “taffs” and “sawneys” while English MP's are excluded from the decision making process of these other bodies. Is that fair? Absolutely not. It's happening though. It's this same bad idea that Calvin Ingram is trying to accomplish. He's claimed that he is “independent” from APW, immune from their decision making and that he is in charge of his own progression. Unless he manages to buy out APW though, that's simply unrealistic. They book his matches, they print his T-shirts. Calvin Ingram might be fighting the system and revolution, but he can't do it alone.”
It's a lesson he learnt himself when he first established the Traditional Restoration Initiative. One man a revolution doesn't make but through making friends with Takagi and Dillinger, he has powerful friends who share his thoughts and from the basis of the new movement changing the landscape of Asylum.
”Calvin Ingram's mission statement now is to fight a battle alone against “the system”, rather than cooperating with the establishment and trying to make positive changes. People don't like change. Why do you think Barack O-Marxist isn't getting reelected next year? If you ignore the fact his task is completely selfish and greedy, you'll also find it to be an incredibly lofty task what with this being a million dollar company and him being a talent on an average salary without a title belt. He's not yet Kurt Noble, he's not yet C.J. Gates, the leg he has to stand on might as well be made of glass. People have been saying for the last month that I should allow him into TRI, that I should accept another ally on side. Hell, he himself has made it known he wants to be on side with the Initiative but I can't let him and there's a damn good reason why.”
Callahan slams his fist into the desk for emphasis causing a stack of papers to fall off the side. He doesn't bother picking them up though, far too focused in his zen like way of going off into tangents. Every braincell is focusing on his word play and how he addresses the world like a true politician.
”Him and I want two completely separate things. He wants to create his own image of CPW, Calvin Pro Wrestling and seeks to achieve it by slaying this competition to establish a portfolio. I'm not quite the radical he is, I simply want to change things around here for the better bringing about a change in our current programming. All Michael Callahan, all the time, with a clean wrestling product that all the family and hungry people watching The Food Network can enjoy without guilt or shame. A programme without shameless tarts like Sally Talfourd strutting around in a swimsuit like she owns the place or Jason “I Openly Embrace Smoking Pot on TV And Don't Get Arrested Ever” Kash. Destroying APW and Asylum is my dream. Calvin just wants to dictate his own will to these people and as a freedom loving advocate of liberal democracy, I simply can't abide that.”
Callahan's recent frustrations with Kash were only escalated by his bare-faced audacity to blow marijuana smoke into his face. Apparently Callahan was completely cheeched after it and it was the added focus that helped him defeat Legacy in the Experts Tournament.
”In the current sovereign crisis that England and the UK face right now you can make a metaphor for our top rate match at Test for the Best. No prizes for guessing that he's Scotland in this scenario and I regrettably am England, the established Pro Life dynasty that he wants to separate himself from and create his own twisted visage of what this product looks like, damned what anyone else thinks and he's going to do it on his lonesome. That's another key difference between him and I. He's all alone on his mission. Whereas me? I've been making the right connections and believe it or not, my influence has been apparent. Our two Asylum championship matches? A standard singles match and a Lumberjack match. Not a bra and panties or a steel chair in sight and that my friends is the way things should be on Asylum.”
Whether it's actually Callahan who's influence has meant that this pay-per-view is enjoying a lack of stipulation matches is questionable but the decline of hardcore matches on Asylum is undeniable. Though it could of course just be the fact that the cards are already so stacked that hardcore matches are completely unnecessary because the talent on display doesn't require it.
”Calvin Ingram is most definitely a threat to my influence if he can undo the greatness and end my glorious twenty two weeks of championship glory. He's comparable to Sally Talfourd in how they both set out to change the course of my ascension to greatness. However, Sally Talfourd wanted to destroy everything I've created while Ingram wants to try and steal my thunder and run with it. The first didn't happen and I'll be damned if I let the second one be accomplished either. Now back to the metaphor again, Scotland has a wealth of natural resources and oil in the North Sea at their disposal. Calvin Ingram is no different, he has a tonne of talent and as a stand-alone competitor could accomplish amazing things. However, my difference to England is that I'll be taking The Union approach rather than sitting back and watching him steal my spotlight. I'll fight through musket fire and bayonets to show Ingram that this is my title, this is my journey to the top and nobody elses and I'll be damned if anybody dares try and take that away from me.”
Reaching down to the side of his chair to unzip his sports bag, he unsheathes his Pro Life Championship and slings it over his shoulder with as much pride as any man can holding a championship with a baby's face on it.
”That's why this battle is so important to me if not more so than my battle with Sally Talfourd. I lost my place in Test for the Best because I tried to accomplish too much too quickly like Adolf Hitler did in the Crimean War with his blitzkrieg establishment. From fertile soils do strong trees grow however and the Asylum roster have found it very difficult to uproot this mighty oak. Waiting patiently for my rise to the top and establishing my dominance is paramount to my ultimate goal and now that I'm focused on ensuring my authority as Pro Life Champion, you're in for the toughest battle of your young and reborn career..”
Once again Callahan's selective memory of historical events might be something he's doing for comic effect or a result of the fact that he's so focused on trying to set the tone right that he's completely forgetting what Mrs. Brockman taught him in fourth grade history class. It's no doubt something that'll fill up the comment section beneath the video below. As soon as Callahan says about the Crimean War, his eye twitches as if his subconscious knows he's got it wrong but he just can't figure it out.
”Now ironically I've become The Confederates. You're trying to stand on my snake and “tread on me” by trying to take my Pro Life title. Well I'm ready and waiting, reared and poised to strike, bringing you and your dreams of succession crashing down with a lethal injection of All-American venom. You are a talented wrestler and a great athlete but one man alone can not hope to slay the giant of APW and the momentum I have. Change your tone, seek moderate ideas of change rather than outright revolution and build connections with the people that matter rather than looking for violent overthrow. I mean heck, what're you, some kind of Marxist? I don't think so Calvin. You're too smart for that.”
It's not entirely implausible though as Scotland is a country who's industries have been routed within manufacturing and there have been a long line of influential Scottish socialists such as Jimmy Page and Colin Gear. For Ingram to be a closet-Marxist is entirely possible. Most of Scotland are either Scottish National Party or Labour seats anyway so the leftism is clearly there. Callahan takes a sip of water and concludes his speech.
”So I'll give you all the credit in the world Ingram. You're an obvious talent and with all your vast abilities and your wrestling holds and your... oil wells in the North Sea... Yeah... It's going to be a tough fight. Just like The Union did back in 1865 though, I'm gonna' fight back not just to defend the Pro Life Championship that I have fought tooth and nail to keep out of the hands of vile idiots like Chris McKenzie and Billy Pepsi but to defend APW and it's rightful hierarchy. If you can best me on your A-game Ingram and show the world you've stepped up your game like I KNOW you can, then this will be a very interesting fight but I've fought too long and too hard to bowl over and let you take precedence. At Mayhem, Sally looked to destroy everything I'd built, you're looking to take it all and use it to your own ends. I simply can't allow that to happen. This is my title, this is my time, this is my legacy and you CAN'T take that away from me. And that Calvin Ingram? That's a promise.”
With a heavy sigh of relief, he relishes a great burden being lifted from his broad chest as the camera is switched off. Callahan's haunting, smiling face that looks to mask the total inhumanity that dwells within his wretched and corrupt soul is an almost impenetrable mask but these people and no doubt Calvin Ingram will see right through him. The question is whether or not he'll be able to maintain his respect and dignity in tact long enough to schmooze and butter his way up towards the top of the mountain before revealing the ugly nature of the man he really is to the world.
Will Michael Callahan overcome the Braveheart of APW? It'll almost certainly degrade into a hell for leather brawl between the ex-Marine and the Scottish bruiser but one thing is for certain, it's an epic battle that Chicago, Illinois will never forget.
