Post by Michael Callahan on Jul 14, 2012 15:26:01 GMT -4
In Michael Callahan's home office the Pro Life Champion is beaming with pride as he does bicep curls with a silver dumbbell in one hand while coddling his belt in the other arm. The dazzling glare off of the centreplace of his baby-shaped title is almost as bright as the sparkle in Callahan's pearly whites as he grunts his way through another workout.
Michael Callahan: ”One... two... three... four...”
The sound of footsteps shoots panic into Callahan who immediately decides to “up his game” by skipping several hundred on his way to glory. Wiping his brow of “sweat” as Vikki Lahm walks into the room, he huffs and puffs with the heavy hand weight.
Michael Callahan;: ”Nine hundred and ninety eight... nine hundred and ninety nine... heeeyaaaagh... A thousand. Oh hey there Vikki, I don't know if you caught me, I did a thousand bicep curls. I was just getting started...”
A blush and giggle escapes the young assistant as she gazes upon Callahan's chiselled abs and bicep muscles. He looks good even if he's lazy.
Vikki Lahm: “Hahah... Alright, weirdo. Glad to see you're training for your match this week though.”
Michael Callahan: ”Of course. An American Hero is always prepared, always at his physical apex. That's what I am, that's what I forever shall be. Ready and waiting to answer the call of duty as and when my loyal constituents the Callafans require it. With all the hours I've been putting in the gym lately? I'm going to be at my best yet.”
Vikki Lahm: “I'm glad to hear it. I was kinda' getting bored of having to talk to you out of self-defeatist attitudes.”
Michael Callahan: ”Me too. I'll admit my esteem was at an uncharacteristic low this past month and a half but with that win over Calvin Ingram under my belt? Now I've got an unbroken chain of pay-per-view wins under my belt, the longest Suicidal and/or Pro Life Championship reign of all time and now the icing on the cake? I get a chance to get a chance to be the man who knocks that awful “Golden Boy” Anthony Bailey off of his pedestal right off his precarious little perch and in the process? I get to steam-roll my way through three other louts that I simply can not stand.”
Vikki Lahm: “Louts? You have beef with everyone in this match don't you?”
Michael Callahan: ”Of course I do dear. This is me we're talking about. Where would Asylum's Superman be without his enemies? Without his Lobo's, Bloodsports', his Lex Luthors? I have a solid, SOLID reason to dislike every single person in this match and the fact I get to face three of my biggest rivals on the brand and kick their faces in is an opportunity I'm going to run with. I don't even care if I lose at this point, I just wanna go in there and stamp my authority and show those guys that I'm still the workhorse of this company. That I channel my energy week after week, constantly powering through any and all challenges even if I'm not the flashiest competitor on the brand. I'm like the Didier Drogba of Asylum.”
Vikki Lahm: “Always with the comparisons huh?”
Michael Callahan: ”You know me too well dear.”
The two share a hearty chuckle although for Vikki it's a little more forced than it should be. Callahan's none the wiser.
Michael Callahan: ”So what brings you up here anyway?”
Vikki Lahm: “I just wanted to come up here and make sure you're okay, that you're not wallowing in post-victory self pity. I've booked you another appointment with Dr. Gray just in case but you seem to be on the right track again so we'll see whether or not you need it.”
Michael Callahan: ”I'd quite like to see him again to be honest. It'd be nice to have the opportunity to thank him personally for teaching me that sweet move which I have now dubbed Victory Lock II. A move which I'll almost certainly end up using in my match this week.”
Vikki Lahm: “That's good to know. Steve's currently arranging your schedule for the week and well I know what you're like. It's busy, he'll probably be face-down in that appointment book all day.”
Michael Callahan: ”Good man. Such a hard worker is that boy Steven. You know he actually asked if he could work Labour Day to finish painting my bathroom? I've never had an employee do that.”
Vikki Lahm: “Yeah...”
A sigh escapes her lips along with the secrets she's about to reveal to Michael. The look in her eye says she's got something that she wants to say and it's been no secret that this girl has something on her mind.
Vikki Lahm: “Look, Michael. I want to be completely honest with you here. We need to talk.”
Michael Callahan: ”Why? What about? Do you need time off or something?”
Vikki Lahm: “No. I want to talk about us.”
Michael Callahan: ”Oh no... You're filing for a sexual harassment suit aren't you?”
Vikki Lahm: “Don't be silly... I mean... I've had something on my chest for a while and I wanted to talk to you about it. I wasn't sure if this was just something flimsy but... although I hated you when I first met you I've since grown to admire... respect... like you.”
Michael Callahan: ”I'm glad to hear it. Having a hostile professional relationship isn't beneficial for anyone. For what it's worth, I like you too. You're nice to talk to, you're a great help around the office and you're always there to pick me up when I'm down. You're a true friend and I admire that. Not like Chris Lawson. That guy is a jerk.”
Vikki Lahm: “No. Michael. Stop. I mean... I like you more than that. I like you as more than a friend.”
Michael Callahan: ”Best friends? Well, I'm not sure I can do that because-”
The smile fades from Vikki's lips, replaced with flat anger as she believes Callahan's lack of understanding is mockery rather than him just being emotionally impotent.
Vikki Lahm: “I've got a crush on you, you idiot.”
Michael Callahan: ”I'm not quite sure I understand.”
Vikki Lahm: Okay... I am physically attracted to you and mentally as well.”
Michael Callahan: ”Right. That's what I thought you meant.”
Callahan sighs and pulls his vest on over his head believing that the exposure of his bare flesh may not be productive to the scenario unfolding of an employees infatuation with her boss.
Michael Callahan: ”Put it out of mind. You're a dear and trusted friend and like I said, a very nice lady but our relationship must for the sake of my sanity remain professional. No offence is meant to you but I'm a man who appreciates order and our work rate and efficiency will deteriorate if we start dilly-dallying with an office fling.”
Vikki Lahm: “That's what you don't understand. I don't want an office fling. I want to try and work on a relationship.”
Michael Callahan: ”Power couples always break apart, Vikki. It's a matter of time.”
Vikki Lahm: “At least humour me and go on one date with me.”
She's pleading but like Callahan on the treadmill or Sally Talfourd's career, she's going nowhere fast.
Michael Callahan: ”Nah, I'm okay thanks. Say, Jason Kash is a- Where are you going?”
Vikki Lahm: “Out. I can handle rejection but not you being a rude dick.”
Slamming the door as she goes, Callahan's blank expression is indicative of how little empathy he has with her situation. The fact she'd expect anything but “rude dick” is her biggest mistake yet.
Michael Callahan: ”Wow... Something really wound her up huh? Youtube blog time! YEAH!”
Michael Callahan: ”Hey guys... it's Asylum's Superman here Michael Callahan and I've just had an emotional fist-fight with my PA so that's good. I won pretty decisively. I'd compare it to Tyson V Ali but it was more like Tyson V Roarke. Who's Roarke? I have no idea, he's a generic no-name mick boxer who they hire for the opening bout. I cleaned house and now she's mad. Speaking of cleaning house? Asylum! What a Fatal Four-Way Main Event we've got planned. Three of my greatest enemies in one ring, it's going to be off the walls.”
Callahan's enthusiasm is sincere but his motives for hotly anticipating such a major match to structure the power of Asylum is slightly ulterior to what most people want. He wants to hurt his enemies more than anything because Callahan is a vengeful God.
Michael Callahan: ”My first opponent to talk about is my favourite of the three which isn't saying much. It's saying even less when I tell you that I still hate his guts but I hate him comparatively less than the other two and that's Julius Farquhar, the bumbling Englishman who staggered his way into a Tap Out Title victory. Good for him. I like to compare him to Lex Luthor for his delusions of class, sophistication, intelligence and brilliance when really he's a bit demented because his hair is messed up. That's how I see Farquhar. This limey British turncoat son of a gun thinks he can wax rhetoric at me like he's better than me. Well he's not. His inadequacies in the ring is the reason for the very first smear in my Win/Loss record. While he was having a tea drinking rap battle with Phil Atken, I was defending my title against a focused “Virus” who was out for my blood. Farquhar's the new Tap Out champion but he's not a submission wrestler, I am.”
Callahan's assertions that he's a submission fighter is most definitely true. His Victory Lock is one of the most devastating holds in the business but Farquhar isn't a push-over by any stretch.
Michael Callahan: ”Then of course there's Sally Talfourd who I liken to Livewire. Livewire's power of electricity is remarkably like the way in which Sally is a conduit for the fickle emotions of MY constituents. Whenever people find a problem with Asylum she seems to be able to spark up a storm with her every move but for Sally Talfourd lightning will not strike twice. What will strike twice will be me once again cuddling her into a blissful slumber in the middle of that ring just like at Mayhem and in the process I will forever crush her dreams of being the first person in history to be both World Heavyweight Champion and Undipsuted Champion. It'd be a disgrace for such a worthless hack to be receiving of such an honorary accolade.”
Face red, the huffing and puffing angry Republican's unmitigated rage against The Last Magician to the ordinary fan would seem irrational but there is the occasional nugget of truth in his haunted ghost mine of bizarre non-sequiturs.
Michael Callahan: ”And finally there is The Prankster, Jason Kash. How ironic that a man who openly spends his life breaking the law with habitual marijuana use, a substance renowned for its calming effects gets incarcerated for violent behaviour. How's that for a turnout for the books? Kash was laughing his way to the bank when he was world champion but now fun and games are over because I cost him his World Heavyweight Championship. If it weren't for me, that petty, pot-smoking lunatic would still besmirch the good name of this company with his awful TLC-laced stench. All that's for certain is that he'll be under MY influence by the time the bell rings once more and that, ladies and gentleman is a promise.”
Having shouted and ranted from his soapbox about all of his opponents, Callahan sees fit to conclude and let the screen fade to black. Superman analogies aside, Callahan is never any more dangerous than when he's confident.
Fade out.
Michael Callahan: ”One... two... three... four...”
The sound of footsteps shoots panic into Callahan who immediately decides to “up his game” by skipping several hundred on his way to glory. Wiping his brow of “sweat” as Vikki Lahm walks into the room, he huffs and puffs with the heavy hand weight.
Michael Callahan;: ”Nine hundred and ninety eight... nine hundred and ninety nine... heeeyaaaagh... A thousand. Oh hey there Vikki, I don't know if you caught me, I did a thousand bicep curls. I was just getting started...”
A blush and giggle escapes the young assistant as she gazes upon Callahan's chiselled abs and bicep muscles. He looks good even if he's lazy.
Vikki Lahm: “Hahah... Alright, weirdo. Glad to see you're training for your match this week though.”
Michael Callahan: ”Of course. An American Hero is always prepared, always at his physical apex. That's what I am, that's what I forever shall be. Ready and waiting to answer the call of duty as and when my loyal constituents the Callafans require it. With all the hours I've been putting in the gym lately? I'm going to be at my best yet.”
Vikki Lahm: “I'm glad to hear it. I was kinda' getting bored of having to talk to you out of self-defeatist attitudes.”
Michael Callahan: ”Me too. I'll admit my esteem was at an uncharacteristic low this past month and a half but with that win over Calvin Ingram under my belt? Now I've got an unbroken chain of pay-per-view wins under my belt, the longest Suicidal and/or Pro Life Championship reign of all time and now the icing on the cake? I get a chance to get a chance to be the man who knocks that awful “Golden Boy” Anthony Bailey off of his pedestal right off his precarious little perch and in the process? I get to steam-roll my way through three other louts that I simply can not stand.”
Vikki Lahm: “Louts? You have beef with everyone in this match don't you?”
Michael Callahan: ”Of course I do dear. This is me we're talking about. Where would Asylum's Superman be without his enemies? Without his Lobo's, Bloodsports', his Lex Luthors? I have a solid, SOLID reason to dislike every single person in this match and the fact I get to face three of my biggest rivals on the brand and kick their faces in is an opportunity I'm going to run with. I don't even care if I lose at this point, I just wanna go in there and stamp my authority and show those guys that I'm still the workhorse of this company. That I channel my energy week after week, constantly powering through any and all challenges even if I'm not the flashiest competitor on the brand. I'm like the Didier Drogba of Asylum.”
Vikki Lahm: “Always with the comparisons huh?”
Michael Callahan: ”You know me too well dear.”
The two share a hearty chuckle although for Vikki it's a little more forced than it should be. Callahan's none the wiser.
Michael Callahan: ”So what brings you up here anyway?”
Vikki Lahm: “I just wanted to come up here and make sure you're okay, that you're not wallowing in post-victory self pity. I've booked you another appointment with Dr. Gray just in case but you seem to be on the right track again so we'll see whether or not you need it.”
Michael Callahan: ”I'd quite like to see him again to be honest. It'd be nice to have the opportunity to thank him personally for teaching me that sweet move which I have now dubbed Victory Lock II. A move which I'll almost certainly end up using in my match this week.”
Vikki Lahm: “That's good to know. Steve's currently arranging your schedule for the week and well I know what you're like. It's busy, he'll probably be face-down in that appointment book all day.”
Michael Callahan: ”Good man. Such a hard worker is that boy Steven. You know he actually asked if he could work Labour Day to finish painting my bathroom? I've never had an employee do that.”
Vikki Lahm: “Yeah...”
A sigh escapes her lips along with the secrets she's about to reveal to Michael. The look in her eye says she's got something that she wants to say and it's been no secret that this girl has something on her mind.
Vikki Lahm: “Look, Michael. I want to be completely honest with you here. We need to talk.”
Michael Callahan: ”Why? What about? Do you need time off or something?”
Vikki Lahm: “No. I want to talk about us.”
Michael Callahan: ”Oh no... You're filing for a sexual harassment suit aren't you?”
Vikki Lahm: “Don't be silly... I mean... I've had something on my chest for a while and I wanted to talk to you about it. I wasn't sure if this was just something flimsy but... although I hated you when I first met you I've since grown to admire... respect... like you.”
Michael Callahan: ”I'm glad to hear it. Having a hostile professional relationship isn't beneficial for anyone. For what it's worth, I like you too. You're nice to talk to, you're a great help around the office and you're always there to pick me up when I'm down. You're a true friend and I admire that. Not like Chris Lawson. That guy is a jerk.”
Vikki Lahm: “No. Michael. Stop. I mean... I like you more than that. I like you as more than a friend.”
Michael Callahan: ”Best friends? Well, I'm not sure I can do that because-”
The smile fades from Vikki's lips, replaced with flat anger as she believes Callahan's lack of understanding is mockery rather than him just being emotionally impotent.
Vikki Lahm: “I've got a crush on you, you idiot.”
Michael Callahan: ”I'm not quite sure I understand.”
Vikki Lahm: Okay... I am physically attracted to you and mentally as well.”
Michael Callahan: ”Right. That's what I thought you meant.”
Callahan sighs and pulls his vest on over his head believing that the exposure of his bare flesh may not be productive to the scenario unfolding of an employees infatuation with her boss.
Michael Callahan: ”Put it out of mind. You're a dear and trusted friend and like I said, a very nice lady but our relationship must for the sake of my sanity remain professional. No offence is meant to you but I'm a man who appreciates order and our work rate and efficiency will deteriorate if we start dilly-dallying with an office fling.”
Vikki Lahm: “That's what you don't understand. I don't want an office fling. I want to try and work on a relationship.”
Michael Callahan: ”Power couples always break apart, Vikki. It's a matter of time.”
Vikki Lahm: “At least humour me and go on one date with me.”
She's pleading but like Callahan on the treadmill or Sally Talfourd's career, she's going nowhere fast.
Michael Callahan: ”Nah, I'm okay thanks. Say, Jason Kash is a- Where are you going?”
Vikki Lahm: “Out. I can handle rejection but not you being a rude dick.”
Slamming the door as she goes, Callahan's blank expression is indicative of how little empathy he has with her situation. The fact she'd expect anything but “rude dick” is her biggest mistake yet.
Michael Callahan: ”Wow... Something really wound her up huh? Youtube blog time! YEAH!”
[PLAY]
Michael Callahan: ”Hey guys... it's Asylum's Superman here Michael Callahan and I've just had an emotional fist-fight with my PA so that's good. I won pretty decisively. I'd compare it to Tyson V Ali but it was more like Tyson V Roarke. Who's Roarke? I have no idea, he's a generic no-name mick boxer who they hire for the opening bout. I cleaned house and now she's mad. Speaking of cleaning house? Asylum! What a Fatal Four-Way Main Event we've got planned. Three of my greatest enemies in one ring, it's going to be off the walls.”
Callahan's enthusiasm is sincere but his motives for hotly anticipating such a major match to structure the power of Asylum is slightly ulterior to what most people want. He wants to hurt his enemies more than anything because Callahan is a vengeful God.
Michael Callahan: ”My first opponent to talk about is my favourite of the three which isn't saying much. It's saying even less when I tell you that I still hate his guts but I hate him comparatively less than the other two and that's Julius Farquhar, the bumbling Englishman who staggered his way into a Tap Out Title victory. Good for him. I like to compare him to Lex Luthor for his delusions of class, sophistication, intelligence and brilliance when really he's a bit demented because his hair is messed up. That's how I see Farquhar. This limey British turncoat son of a gun thinks he can wax rhetoric at me like he's better than me. Well he's not. His inadequacies in the ring is the reason for the very first smear in my Win/Loss record. While he was having a tea drinking rap battle with Phil Atken, I was defending my title against a focused “Virus” who was out for my blood. Farquhar's the new Tap Out champion but he's not a submission wrestler, I am.”
Callahan's assertions that he's a submission fighter is most definitely true. His Victory Lock is one of the most devastating holds in the business but Farquhar isn't a push-over by any stretch.
Michael Callahan: ”Then of course there's Sally Talfourd who I liken to Livewire. Livewire's power of electricity is remarkably like the way in which Sally is a conduit for the fickle emotions of MY constituents. Whenever people find a problem with Asylum she seems to be able to spark up a storm with her every move but for Sally Talfourd lightning will not strike twice. What will strike twice will be me once again cuddling her into a blissful slumber in the middle of that ring just like at Mayhem and in the process I will forever crush her dreams of being the first person in history to be both World Heavyweight Champion and Undipsuted Champion. It'd be a disgrace for such a worthless hack to be receiving of such an honorary accolade.”
Face red, the huffing and puffing angry Republican's unmitigated rage against The Last Magician to the ordinary fan would seem irrational but there is the occasional nugget of truth in his haunted ghost mine of bizarre non-sequiturs.
Michael Callahan: ”And finally there is The Prankster, Jason Kash. How ironic that a man who openly spends his life breaking the law with habitual marijuana use, a substance renowned for its calming effects gets incarcerated for violent behaviour. How's that for a turnout for the books? Kash was laughing his way to the bank when he was world champion but now fun and games are over because I cost him his World Heavyweight Championship. If it weren't for me, that petty, pot-smoking lunatic would still besmirch the good name of this company with his awful TLC-laced stench. All that's for certain is that he'll be under MY influence by the time the bell rings once more and that, ladies and gentleman is a promise.”
Having shouted and ranted from his soapbox about all of his opponents, Callahan sees fit to conclude and let the screen fade to black. Superman analogies aside, Callahan is never any more dangerous than when he's confident.
Fade out.
