Post by Reaver on Jul 26, 2012 16:34:23 GMT -4
Epilogue:
People come and go. The lives we lead as wrestlers have us meeting thousands of people everyday. The relationships that follow aren't any different. As Edward Norton said in Fight Club, “single serve friends” best describes our habits. Sometimes friendships and relationships develop from professionalism just because your around them so often, being co-workers and all.
“A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.”
-John D. Rockefeller
It's these same friendships that can spoil and turn rotten in the blink of an eye. Friends may come and go but blood lasts forever.
“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.”
-Buddah
The scene opens on a cage. A light shins down from the middle with Jason “Bacon” Andrews standing in the center of it wondering how he got there. He seems groggy at first but then realizes where he is. A familiar voice shouts at him from the back round.
? ? ?: Are you ready for the biggest test of your life so far?
Bacon: Who said that?
A group of lights turn on as Bacon realizes that he's at the zoo. He turns around and sees Johnny Knuckles standing by the switch.
Bacon: Knuckles? What the hell man?
Knuckles: This is your trainin' Jason. Ya' asked for my help, to be trained, so this is me helpin' you.
Bacon: How does drugging me and locking me inside of a cage by myself at the zoo help me?
Knuckles: First off, SHUT UP!! If ya' wanna' question my methods, then I suppose yous' can go back to Meltdown and learn how to train yourself. Second, this cage is designed to test your survival instincts. How well can you adapt to your environment? Bein' a champion requires all types of improvisation. Ya' need to think on ya' feet and know how to assess each and every situation. In short, this will teach ya' how to think quickly on your feet. And third.......i never said you were in there alone........
Bacon looks at him confused as a door behind him opens up. Bacon looks to see what it was only to have a North American Brown Bear walk into the cage with him leaving him stunned in fear.
Bacon: THIS IS TRAINING!!?
Knuckles: Don't worry Jason, you'll do just fine.
The bear roars at him like a lion cub off on an adventure of their own. Knuckles just stands there leaning up against the wall as he pulls out his cell phone and starts to text. Bacon looks around to see what he can use as a weapon only to find nothing. The bear continues to roar at him as it walks closer and closer.
Bacon: Uh KNUX!!
Knuckles: You're doin' great man, keep up the good work......
Bacon: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP A BEAR?!
Knuckles: Figure it out man. Do ya' really think anybody else in APW would be askin' for help durin' a match?
Bacon: BUT HOW WOULD YOU STOP IT?!
Knuckles: I dunno', never been in a cage against a bear before......
Bacon: WHAT?!
Knuckle: PFFT! Like I would ever be stupid enough to lock myself inside a cage with a bear.
Bacon just stares at him for a moment; realizing that Knuckles drugged him and threw him into the cage with a deadly animal. He turns around and notices how close the bear is. The bear stands up to show dominance as Bacon begins to breath heavily. He sucks it up, takes a nice deep breathe and goes for a kick on the bear. The bear just looks at him and swipes him into the side of the cage taring a piece of his shirt. The bear just continues to roar as Knuckles is now watching a You Tube video on his phone and laughing to himself. In shear panic, Bacon does the only thing he can think of to do.......he falls to the ground in fetal position in hopes that the bear would just go away.
The bear goes back to all fours and begins sniffing around. A known fact that if you play dead while in the presence of a bear, there's a 75% chance that it will think you're dead and move on. Shaking in fear, Bacon tries his best to remain motionless until.........
Bacon: Oh god I just shit myself........please help me?
The bear smells the shit in Bacon's pants and starts to move away.
Knuckles: Doin' great champ.....*sniffs* Hey, what's that smell?
Bacon shakes his head and as soon as the bear goes to walk away, he gets up and starts trying to climb out of the cage. The bear hears him and realizes that it's not dead and tries to go after him once again. Bacon is near the top of the cage only to have his leg grabbed by the bear. It manages to rip off a shoe and throw Bacon back to the ground. Instead of messing with the smell of shit emanating from Bacon’s pants, it starts chewing on his shoe. A few moments go by as the bear starts to choke on the fake leather that can only be found in the inner workings of a Chinese sweat shop. (What can I say? Smaller fingers make tighter stitches.....) The bear starts gagging on the shoe pieces it tried to swallow and after a few moments of trying to spit it back out and failing, it falls over....DEAD.
Bacon looks on and realizes that this is his chance and makes his way out of the cage and down to the floor at Knuckles feet. Knuckles finally puts away his phone.
Knuckles: Well would ya' look at that. Look who survived a near death experience.
Bacon: I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED YOU JERK!!
Knuckles: How is that any difference from anythin' in the ring? Besides ya' did fine.
Bacon: Oh god, I can't believe I shit myself.
Knuckles: Me either......
Knuckles pulls out his taser and wrecks the shit out of Bacon with 5,000 volts.
Knuckles: It's just a shame ya' failed Jason. Any idiot can get lucky, it takes a man of heart and determination, a man who is willin' to sacrifice himself to get the job done; that becomes a legend in this business. You obviously don't have what it takes.
Knuckles picks up the twitching body of Bacon and throws him in the cage filled with spider monkeys. While he remains out cold, they swarm him and start checking his body for lice, jumping around and flinging their poo at each other. Knuckles walks away in disgust as the scene fades.
Knuckles: It's pretty obvious to me that Bacon isn't goin' to stay around any longer. He just didn't have what it took to go anywhere in this business. It seems that you're on that same path there Phil. You rant and rave about how you deserve this and that but aren't willin' to put in the work to reach “what you're worth”. Why should anybody care what Phil Atken has to say or do? What have ya' done that would back up any of these accusations of greatness? Now it's no secret that I lost against Sally at Test For The Best, but you lost to me......at least Sally is a former champ, who the fuck am I?
Losin' to guys like me isn't exactly “championship material” Phil. For fucks sake, I just celebrated my 100th career loss! Thanks for the smack to the face by the way. It showed just how jealous you are of how many losses I have more than you. You can't even LOSE MORE THAN ME!! at least when I lose, I lose BIG like at a PPV against top names like Jason Kash or Sally Talfourd. I betcha' that Branden Harvey even has your number if he were to step back on Asylum.
I'm tired of always bein' the butt end of the jokes Phil. It's time that I stopped messin' around with you people and start bringin' back the violence that represents Asylum to it's fullest. That's what champions do, they don't sit around complainin' about losses and makin' excuses about how ya' felt out of it cuz' your moms third cousin twice removed needed surgery to remove a wart from their ass and that's why ya' lost the match. NOBODY CARES! I may not have a tag team partner but i'll gladly fight both of you fuckers by myself if I have to. You can't beat me Phil and this week is no different.
People come and go. The lives we lead as wrestlers have us meeting thousands of people everyday. The relationships that follow aren't any different. As Edward Norton said in Fight Club, “single serve friends” best describes our habits. Sometimes friendships and relationships develop from professionalism just because your around them so often, being co-workers and all.
“A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.”
-John D. Rockefeller
It's these same friendships that can spoil and turn rotten in the blink of an eye. Friends may come and go but blood lasts forever.
“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.”
-Buddah
The scene opens on a cage. A light shins down from the middle with Jason “Bacon” Andrews standing in the center of it wondering how he got there. He seems groggy at first but then realizes where he is. A familiar voice shouts at him from the back round.
? ? ?: Are you ready for the biggest test of your life so far?
Bacon: Who said that?
A group of lights turn on as Bacon realizes that he's at the zoo. He turns around and sees Johnny Knuckles standing by the switch.
Bacon: Knuckles? What the hell man?
Knuckles: This is your trainin' Jason. Ya' asked for my help, to be trained, so this is me helpin' you.
Bacon: How does drugging me and locking me inside of a cage by myself at the zoo help me?
Knuckles: First off, SHUT UP!! If ya' wanna' question my methods, then I suppose yous' can go back to Meltdown and learn how to train yourself. Second, this cage is designed to test your survival instincts. How well can you adapt to your environment? Bein' a champion requires all types of improvisation. Ya' need to think on ya' feet and know how to assess each and every situation. In short, this will teach ya' how to think quickly on your feet. And third.......i never said you were in there alone........
Bacon looks at him confused as a door behind him opens up. Bacon looks to see what it was only to have a North American Brown Bear walk into the cage with him leaving him stunned in fear.
Bacon: THIS IS TRAINING!!?
Knuckles: Don't worry Jason, you'll do just fine.
The bear roars at him like a lion cub off on an adventure of their own. Knuckles just stands there leaning up against the wall as he pulls out his cell phone and starts to text. Bacon looks around to see what he can use as a weapon only to find nothing. The bear continues to roar at him as it walks closer and closer.
Bacon: Uh KNUX!!
Knuckles: You're doin' great man, keep up the good work......
Bacon: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP A BEAR?!
Knuckles: Figure it out man. Do ya' really think anybody else in APW would be askin' for help durin' a match?
Bacon: BUT HOW WOULD YOU STOP IT?!
Knuckles: I dunno', never been in a cage against a bear before......
Bacon: WHAT?!
Knuckle: PFFT! Like I would ever be stupid enough to lock myself inside a cage with a bear.
Bacon just stares at him for a moment; realizing that Knuckles drugged him and threw him into the cage with a deadly animal. He turns around and notices how close the bear is. The bear stands up to show dominance as Bacon begins to breath heavily. He sucks it up, takes a nice deep breathe and goes for a kick on the bear. The bear just looks at him and swipes him into the side of the cage taring a piece of his shirt. The bear just continues to roar as Knuckles is now watching a You Tube video on his phone and laughing to himself. In shear panic, Bacon does the only thing he can think of to do.......he falls to the ground in fetal position in hopes that the bear would just go away.
The bear goes back to all fours and begins sniffing around. A known fact that if you play dead while in the presence of a bear, there's a 75% chance that it will think you're dead and move on. Shaking in fear, Bacon tries his best to remain motionless until.........
Bacon: Oh god I just shit myself........please help me?
The bear smells the shit in Bacon's pants and starts to move away.
Knuckles: Doin' great champ.....*sniffs* Hey, what's that smell?
Bacon shakes his head and as soon as the bear goes to walk away, he gets up and starts trying to climb out of the cage. The bear hears him and realizes that it's not dead and tries to go after him once again. Bacon is near the top of the cage only to have his leg grabbed by the bear. It manages to rip off a shoe and throw Bacon back to the ground. Instead of messing with the smell of shit emanating from Bacon’s pants, it starts chewing on his shoe. A few moments go by as the bear starts to choke on the fake leather that can only be found in the inner workings of a Chinese sweat shop. (What can I say? Smaller fingers make tighter stitches.....) The bear starts gagging on the shoe pieces it tried to swallow and after a few moments of trying to spit it back out and failing, it falls over....DEAD.
**DISCLAIMER: We at Action Packed Wrestling do not condone the senseless victimization or death of animals. We DO HOWEVER, find it hilarious. **
Bacon looks on and realizes that this is his chance and makes his way out of the cage and down to the floor at Knuckles feet. Knuckles finally puts away his phone.
Knuckles: Well would ya' look at that. Look who survived a near death experience.
Bacon: I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED YOU JERK!!
Knuckles: How is that any difference from anythin' in the ring? Besides ya' did fine.
Bacon: Oh god, I can't believe I shit myself.
Knuckles: Me either......
Knuckles pulls out his taser and wrecks the shit out of Bacon with 5,000 volts.
Knuckles: It's just a shame ya' failed Jason. Any idiot can get lucky, it takes a man of heart and determination, a man who is willin' to sacrifice himself to get the job done; that becomes a legend in this business. You obviously don't have what it takes.
Knuckles picks up the twitching body of Bacon and throws him in the cage filled with spider monkeys. While he remains out cold, they swarm him and start checking his body for lice, jumping around and flinging their poo at each other. Knuckles walks away in disgust as the scene fades.
Knuckles: It's pretty obvious to me that Bacon isn't goin' to stay around any longer. He just didn't have what it took to go anywhere in this business. It seems that you're on that same path there Phil. You rant and rave about how you deserve this and that but aren't willin' to put in the work to reach “what you're worth”. Why should anybody care what Phil Atken has to say or do? What have ya' done that would back up any of these accusations of greatness? Now it's no secret that I lost against Sally at Test For The Best, but you lost to me......at least Sally is a former champ, who the fuck am I?
Losin' to guys like me isn't exactly “championship material” Phil. For fucks sake, I just celebrated my 100th career loss! Thanks for the smack to the face by the way. It showed just how jealous you are of how many losses I have more than you. You can't even LOSE MORE THAN ME!! at least when I lose, I lose BIG like at a PPV against top names like Jason Kash or Sally Talfourd. I betcha' that Branden Harvey even has your number if he were to step back on Asylum.
I'm tired of always bein' the butt end of the jokes Phil. It's time that I stopped messin' around with you people and start bringin' back the violence that represents Asylum to it's fullest. That's what champions do, they don't sit around complainin' about losses and makin' excuses about how ya' felt out of it cuz' your moms third cousin twice removed needed surgery to remove a wart from their ass and that's why ya' lost the match. NOBODY CARES! I may not have a tag team partner but i'll gladly fight both of you fuckers by myself if I have to. You can't beat me Phil and this week is no different.
