Three's Company...

[Your JESUS]

Come and knock on our door.....
We've been waiting for you......
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three's company too

As that ever so popular yet distant theme music plays you are taken right into the apartment from that old sitcom. (If you have no clue as to what I am speaking of, shame on you.) The front door with the rounded archway opens and in I walk as if this were my house. From the kitchen walks a familiar but unfriendly face. I seem confused and don't find any answers as this person speaks to me.

"jack, ware have u ben?"

I place my hand on my head as I stare toward what seems to be a woman. Well the voice sounded feminine, but the build is rather alarming, and her choice in clothing is quite disgraceful. This she-male has on a rather large sleep shirt with the words "Wide Fucking Open" written across her chest.

"U ok Jack, you didn't come home last night, and honestly you look awful."

The she-male takes me by the hand and leads me to the couch.

Lively: Listen, I must be confused my name isn't Jack and I don't know who you are?

The hybrid of sexes looks at me with genuine concern in her eyes.

"oh my godness what happened too you? you're name is Jack Tripper, and i'm one of your room mates Janet Borderland."

I leap from the couch and shake off my hand as I now know where I recognize this person. The horrible grammar and overbite...Shane Borderland must of had a sex change.

Janet Borderland: Jack relax...

Lively: I TOLD YOU I AM NOT JACK!!!

This Janet stands from the couch trying to calm me down. From the commotion I must have awoken some one from the back bedroom. I look over my shoulder nervously.

Janet Borderland: great you woke up Chrissy. Well maybe she can help, you must have hitt your head reel bad. CHRISSY, we need you're help, Jack bumpted his head!!!

I look at Janet like she's an idiot. From the back room wearing nothing but a black sheer night gown comes a rather short woman with a face I too remember.

Chrissy: What's going on?

Lively: Let me guess, you are Chrissy Rivera?

Chrissy Rivera: Yeah silly, who else would I be?

I sit back on the couch with my hands covering my face. I have no clue what the hell is going on, and why in the hell would I room with Shane Borderland in drag and Carmen Rivera's alter ego Chrissy. I lean back with tension as Janet and Chrissy tell me they are going to make me some coffee to calm my nerves. Moments latter the two come from the kitchen. Janet hands me a cup and sits next to me sipping the freshly brewed beverage from her mug. Chrissy appears with a Twinkie in her hand and sits on the other side of me.

Chrissy Rivera: So Jack what happened?

I blow on the hot coffee trying to cool it down, and look toward the woman with the yellow cake treat. The treat sparks my dander and I seem to focus on it as she places it in her mouth. The woman's lips wrap around the cake and she seductively takes a bite.

Lively: Where did you get that Twinkie?

Chrissy looks at me puzzled.

Chrissy Rivera: I earned it...why?

I set my coffee on the table and look toward Janet Borderland.

Lively: What's Wide Fucking Open mean?

Janet Borderland: i just think it sounds kewl, so i were it all the tyme.

I stand from the couch, a fury lit in my eyes. I now know what is going on. My mind warped briefly but clarity as finally set in. I look toward Janet Borderland.

Lively: Well sister, with that chiseled jawline and manly torso I would say the only way you can attract the eye of the opposite sex is by offering up a welcome sign like "Wide Fucking Open". Let me tell you though, it's sounds almost as stupid as you look.

The woman's face appalled by my outrageous proclamation. Soon though I rectify that look and transform it to one of a peaceful sleeping baby.

"CRACK"

I super kicked the shit out of Janet Borderland knocking her out cold. My eyes closed as I did it, then reopen hoping for a different outcome then the one I am presently engaged within. Still here and Chrissy Rivera screams. This spins me around to focus on her.

Chrissy Rivera: JACK, what the hell is the matter with you. We are women, you can't treat us like that.

The midget broad stands up with her deceleration almost challenging me to attempt the same hyjenks on her.

Lively: I heard you when you said you earned that Twinkie, but it didn't seem realistic. I find it hard to believe you earned that golden cake, none the less it's you that is in possession of the yellow treat...and I want it!!!

Chrissy Rivera: Come get it then...

I charge forward swinging rapidly toward the woman who holds what I desire. Like a fucking ninja Chrissy avoids everything I throw her direction. She holds the cake in the air like a dangling carrot and walks toward the door leaving me huffing and puffing from my failed attempt to dethrone her as the Queen of Cake. My mind quickly reacts as if this whole thing were déjà-vu and I wish for it to play out differently. The jump over the couch, run toward her as she opens the round arched door. In one desperate maneuver I try to stop her from exiting. My right foot hauls backward before springing forward between her legs parting the middle while I yell out.

Lively: CUNT PUNT!!

I get a reaction, almost as powerful as the name of my move, but not what I had hoped for. Chrissy Rivera turns around with a smile on her face. The Twinkie in her left hand and a fist balled up with the right. She unloads the cocked punch on my face. Just before it connects I smile. I have seen the movie Inception and know this will offer the jolting fall needed to wake me from this nightmare.

A flash of pain comes over me as I fall backward. I feel like I am about to hit the floor and suddenly electrify in a spasm on the leather couch in my locker room.

Lively: NO THAT'S MY TWINKIE!!!!!

I quickly sit up, covered in sweat. As I do there sits Sabur and Jerry O'Harrow, my security and interviewer. Grins on their faces as directly behind me is Chubs with his camera mounted on his shoulder. I glare at him and notice the red light glowing.

Lively: What the fuck? You were filming me in my sleep?

Sabur grabs his stomach and doubles over in laughter. Jerry chuckles too but controls himself enough to try and explain.

Jerry: I...I mean we have never seen anybody sleep like that.

Lively: Like what?

Jerry: Chubs, show him!

The fat man takes the camera off his shoulder. With a rewind of the footage I look in the view finding screen to see myself asleep but grinding the air like a horny dog, yelling "Twinkie I need your Twinkie". Sabur now with tears in his eyes tries to calm down.


Sabur: Who's Twinkie are you trying to put in your mouth Mike?


Collectively the trio of my hired staff burst into to outrageous rumblings of laughter once more. Disgusted I respond in a whisper.


Lively: Carmen Rivera's Twinkie...


As if it couldn't be worse, this revelation sends them over the edge. I just sit there in frustration as these three men chuckle at my expense.

Sabur: Wait...so let me get this straight...

I roll my eyes just anticipating the random insult surely about to spew.

Sabur: You had a dream about Carmen Rivera, and her Twinkie!!!

I shake my head in disgust, then stand up glaring at Chubs.

Lively: So I guess you are working for free this week huh fat boy?

My overweight cameraman snaps into shape and cuts out his humor festival. Jerry and Sabur slowly stop as well. The Irish Hammer kind of throws me this look as if I'm being sensitive. My cold stare distinguishes that I have had enough ribbing.

Lively: Clearly my sub conscious is focussed on the task at hand. This coming Monday I will be locked in a cage with Shane Borderland and Carmen Rivera battling for her Twinkie...I mean title. Listen, I'm going to take a shower. You guys get the locker room next door ready for the promo.

With that I head to wash away my thoughts. About twenty minutes later I emerge from the steamy fog, what? Just because I like long showers doesn't mean I was...

Anyways, I suit up for the promo I am set to cut. Dressed in my ring gear because once I am done tapping this little ditty I am required by contractual obligations to beat the piss out of some no named douche canoe at this house show. That's the nature of the beast though, before every ass whipping, prior to any war comes the interactions of verbal escalation. I head across the hall enter the room where I am set do unleash my latest dose of Lively-esque wisdom. One sole leather chair sits against the wall. To the left of this plush throne is a bar stool with my hired hand, and rather large muscle bound acquaintance Sabur. The back drop of the shot that Chubs is tightly squared up on with his camera has a sunset of clouds glowing orange.

Lively: Nice scene, just like I asked for.

No one says much as it's time to get to business and in this moment these members of my payroll decide the safest bet is too simply just go with the flow. In these deep waters it's sink or swim, just like Monday night I get in or go up by the merits of my own accord. Pleased with the room I have chosen and it's decor I stand in front of the couch and take a deep breath in through my nostrils. My eyes close and I welcome the brief darkness.

The Darkness just hovers in your vision momentarily until the words "Come To JESUS Meeting" appear. You are now witnessing greatness through the low budget camera of my personal videographer Chubs. As those words written in a fancy font fade from the screen an image slowly emerges into focus....






Briefly the famous picture of Rio fills your screen then slowly transitions to me standing in the I am JESUS pose with my arms mirroring that of the first born savior. My eyes open as my arrogance almost swallows the oxygen in the room. My arms release from their posture and grab the sides of the leather chair as I take a seat starring in the lens. Sabur posted up beside me looks menacing as I start in with my gospel.

Lively: Here I sit, your Savior. Your Messiah, the one man to deliver this show from obscurity. The man ready to hoist Meltdown upon his shoulders like Atlas and carry it to the promise land. Evan Envi claimed such things, took ownership of this program only to bail on you. His motivations were just as false as his phony prophecies. The man saw this show, this product as nothing more the a stepping stone. Me, I am a different breed all together. I look at this show from the caring eyes of a parent. I wish for nothing but the ultimate success of Meltdown. I want this show to shine and thrive. So like a stern parent I must begin to lay down the law, give that tough love. When all is said and done, you will take notice that I, your JESUS didn't bail on you. I won't leave the show that made me like Evan did. Maybe that's the difference, I was made long before we had Meltdown...instead of me being propped up by a show, it will be ME making MELTDOWN!!! So your Evan Envi's, your Stryker's, and the rest of this roster that is just clamoring to hop off Meltdown for a chance to be a bitch somewhere else can all eat the dick. I'm here by choice and this is where I plan to stay. Imagine a world with me as North American Champion. I would waltz onto Overdrive smack their champion in the face and let him know where to find me if he's man enough to do something about it. This same world will be one where you witness the Savior of Meltdown defeat said champion on our television show. I will stand over this man or woman, piss on their title and hoist the North American championship high with this shit eating grin plastered on my face.

I pause to demonstrate that very look as Sabur points to it like Vana White showing off the vowels. My smirk breaks and I continue on.

Lively: Right there and then this entire company, the world of wrestling will look upon this show no longer as a joke, but a show that produces the very talent Asylum and Overdrive tries to steal for their own profitability. With my dominance Meltdown will shit on the industry and stake it's claim. Let me pump the brakes a little, I don't want to get too far ahead. What must happen first, takes place this Monday. An opportunity that I must seize. In my opinion Johnny Diamond came to his senses based solely on one obvious reason...

I outstretch my arms with arrogance once more.

Lively: He now knows, he has faith in the words that I speak. The blood thirsty dog who sits at the right hand of Meltdown's father also could have shown him that his security will not stop the JESUS!!! Monday night Shane Borderland will not stop me, nor the self proclaimed Queen of North America. I'm sure both these fresh young faces to the sport have just breathed a sigh of relief. I'm sure the two of them were scratching their heads trying to think of what to say this week. Struggling to find a core basis in which to shoot on me, but no fear Uncle Lively is here. I strike first giving Shane Borderland plenty material to try and shoot down verbally only to seconds later discredit his claim or say the very same thing regurgitated as his own clever statement. Then Carmen, the Queen of rebuttal, the Princess of Go Last, will be relieved to have something to respond too. If I simply want a half ass response I will ask Siri on my phone, but if it ain't broke don't fix it though. That style has worked for Shane, it works for the champ. Now Carmen can have her team of writers scour over the transcript of this entire piece only to have them script her up some snappy retort where she almost pays me no mind, painting me as a joke. She will memorize the little ditty and recite it on camera or better yet have it thrown on her blog, playing the part of the nonchalant carefree champion. The thing is Carmen your acting sucks because last week your words spoke one thing, and when you broke character in the heat of the match your heart portrayed another thing all together. You high tailed it out of a match that had no implications to harm your status as champion. The knot in your gut knew that a loss, especially to me...would have cracked that jewelry box where you keep your ego. The world wouldn't be blinded by the smoke or tricked by your facade any more. Thankfully this rematch has been made with your belt on the line. Johnny Diamond finally used his brain and has deemed us to all be locked in a cage. No where to run little lady, no where to hide.

I grin with pleasure as I can can almost hear the announcement of my name as champion this coming Monday.

Lively: It's me and you darling, with Shane Borderland. Three's company but even two is one too many. Shane thinks he's jet setting to the top. I am sure he has already ordered a shiny new name plate for the belt he hopes to win. I know by his words and even more so by his actions that I am an after thought. He gets one victory over me and his simple mind fills with arrogance. A false sense of confidence that sits on his shoulder like a tiny devil whispering sweet nothing's in his ear. "You don't have to worry about Lively, he's washed up, his best day's are behind him". Well while you and your tiny friend forgot about me and debated with each other about your less then average penis size I crept on in didn't I. You were starring down Carmen like a love struck middle schooler as she did what come natural and puss out. There I was, and here is where I will be. You think one victory earns you greatness, you dream of success and like the rest of the world need it now. Your lust for what you crave could have dug your grave. Signing up for the four way battle on Overdrive will surely be a handful, then Monday will creep in and I will pounce on your flaws and exploit your greed. Greatness doesn't get handed to you like a title belt can. It must be earned night after night. I have proved my greatness doesn't just come in the form of victory, but in endurance. I have heard you both basically refer to me as a thorn in your side. The two of you brushing it off as nothing to mind. Well patience is a virtue, and that thorn has started to infect both of you. I attack slowly and make sure each passing moment that I inflict just enough damage. Well with the fevers set in, and the poison is traveling through your blood, on Monday I hospitalize you both and claim my prize. I begin the prophecy that has Meltdown taking it's rightful place. As God as my witness the North American Championship will be the next title I hold, and the only belt that will ever grace this waist again. This title will be the most sot after championship in APW. Shane I want you to look to your left, and tell that little devil on your shoulder that he was dead wrong. I am something to worry about, I am the man to shatter your dreams...wide fucking open, I think slammed fucking shut the door to greatness. Carmen Rivera please keep the belt that your currently posses. I want you to always have that bedazzled piece of history to remind you and the children you may have one day with extra chromosome's, that even retards get lucky!!! They just don't get to stay on top forever. So kiss your title run goodbye sweetness because I am bringing home the gold.

With that I stand striking my pose for the camera. I hear a chomping noise in my right ear and turn to see Sabur mowing down a Twinkie. my eyes shocked but deep inside I am not surprised. I glare his direction.

Sabur: What...I was hungry!!