Post by C.J. Gates on Aug 24, 2012 9:23:30 GMT -4
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Fargo Cemetery
Fargo, North Dakota
"Why did you want me to meet you here?" C.J. Gates asks his mother as the two stand at the entrance to a cemetery. Mrs. Gates is wearing a long, black dress and a black hat, while C.J. is wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a black shirt and his usual cowboy hat.
"I've called and left messages, but since the last time we spoke, I haven't heard back. I just needed to talk to you-" C.J. is cut off by his mothers raised hand. She glances at her son and then enters the cemetery, walking with a purpose. C.J. hurries to catch up.
"Are you going to talk to me at all?" C.J. asks, but his mother doesn't respond. The two continue up the small hill of the cemetery in silence before Mrs. Gates pauses at the top of the hill. "Mom I-"
"Do you know why I brought you here?" Mrs. Gates asks without making eye contact with her son.
"No, that's what I've been trying to ask you," C.J. asks his mom as he looks out at the rows upon rows of headstones. "I called and called but you never answered me."
"I wanted to show you the truth," Mrs. Gates continues as if her son had never spoken. "Once and for all, I wanted to make sure that you knew the truth. We've been biting each others heads off for too long about this topic and now...after what you said happened, you need to see it for yourself."
"See what?"
"The truth," Mrs. Gates says. "You need to understand everything. You need to separate reality from this fantasy world you've been living in. It's the only way you're going to survive, the only way you're going to find success."
"And I'm supposed to find the truth here?" C.J. asks with a smirk on his face. "That's rich. I know that it was all a joke mom, I know that they were just pulling my leg, and they've got you in on it."
"There's no joke," Mrs. Gates says. "There never was a joke. There was only you believing what you wanted to believe. But you need to open your eyes."
"My eyes are wide open mom," C.J. says as he opens his eyes wider and glances around. "I can see everything. I can see that the trees are green, that the grass is green, and I can see that you're wearing black. What more is there for me to see?"
Mrs. Gates motions forward with her head and begins to walk down the hill. After a few moments, C.J. sighs and follows after her. A little ways down the hill, Mrs. Gates stops and turns to face a row of headstones. "Go on. I'll wait here."
C.J. glances at his mother. "You're serious?" he asks before shaking his head and turning to walk down the row. "I don't know what she thinks I'm supposed to find, that senile old bat." He glances from one side to the other, shuffling his feet as he moves through the headstones. "How do I even know how far along I'm supposed to walk before I see the-"
Gates stops dead in his tracks and stares at the headstones to his right. His eyes move from one marker to the other before he looks up and over at his mother, who simply smiles at him. "No, this can't be," he mutters to himself as he runs a hand over his face. "This can't be...this is...no!"
C.J. kneels down in front of the headstones and runs a hand along their epitaphs. The headstone on the left reads the name of "Theodore James Gates", while the one of the right reads "Bartholomew Jason Gates". Both headstones have the same date of death etched into the stone. C.J. remains on the ground for a few moments, looking at both of them, as his mother walks up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder. C.J. shrugs it off and stands up.
"I just wanted you to know," Mrs. Gates says, but C.J. continues to shake his head.
"How could you," C.J. says, turning to face his mother. "How could you!"
"How could I?" Mrs. Gates asks, shocked.
"This, all of this, how could you do this?" C.J. asks once more. "This is some sort of sick joke you're pulling here, mom. An inappropriately sick joke."
"But I-"
"It was one thing when you were telling me they were dead, and then when you hired that shrink to try and get me to realize that they were, but this? Buying plots and headstones just to prove your point? Just so you can be right? Man, you've really crossed a line this time."
"But I didn't-"
"To think that you're my mother. That you are someone that brought me into this world, and then this is what you do? This is how you treat me? It's like a child's worst nightmare coming true when a parent does everything in their power to hurt their children."
"You needed to know!" Mrs. Gates shouts as tears begin to roll down her face.
"Needed to know what? That you're a God damn lunatic? That you're the one that needs to be locked up in a padded cell wearing that straight jacket? You're a cook, mom, a certified whack job."
"They're dead, C.J.! Dead!"
"Are they? Because I've been seeing them and I don't think that would be possible if they were dead. Just because you had your fun fucking every single man that came around the house while dad was off on his business trips doesn't give you the right to bury him before his time. And your own sons! You've killed off everyone in your life and are trying to get me to play along with it because you're some sort of world class whore!"
Mrs. Gates eyes go wide as she reaches out and slaps her son across the face. "Curtis Johnathan Gates!" she yells, tears still rolling. "How dare you talk to me like that! To your own mother! I gave you life and this is how you treat me?"
C.J. stares at his mother for a few moments in disbelief, her shoulders rising and falling with rage. "Mom, I-"
"I don't need to hear it," Mrs. Gates says loudly. "I don't. I'm here trying to help, and you're just going off about what happened years and years ago. I've done nothing but help you once I saw the signs that you weren't acting normal, and then this." Mrs. Gates shakes her head in anger. "You inconsiderate bastard!"
Mrs. Gates begins to cry more as she leans against one of the headstones behind her for support. C.J. can only stare at his mother, his mouth slightly open.
"But all of this," C.J. says, motioning to the headstones below. "You did all of this."
"I didn't," Mrs. Gates says through sobs. "I didn't do it. The accident did it. The accident took their lives. I just needed you to understand. I needed you to accept it and realize it." She shakes her head and wipes tears away with her hand. "I needed you to be normal. To be sane."
"But I am," C.J. says. "I have, I know that you've just been trying to get me on your side of things this whole time, so that I wouldn't choose dad over you."
"No, that's not it at all," Mrs. Gates whines. "I didn't do this to get you on my side. Haven't you been listening? I did this so you knew! So you wouldn't be living in some sort of fantasy world where people don't die, because they do, C.J., they do!"
"But they didn't die," C.J. says after a few moments of silence while looking at the headstones.
"They did," Mrs. Gates chokes out. "I don't know what more I can do to have you accept this, but they died in that accident, C.J., and they're never coming back. And if you can't understand that, then...Don't you see how much this is breaking my heart?" She trails off and shakes her head as she stands up from the headstone. She takes a long look at her son and then turns and walks back the way they came, eventually disappearing over the hill. C.J. watches her leave before turning back to the headstones and kneeling down in front of them once more.
"It can't be true," C.J. says to himself. "I don't want it to be true."
Thursday, August 22, 2012
The Office of Dr. Waterson
"And how does that make you feel?" Dr. Waterson asks as he writes some notes down on a clipboard.
"How does it make me feel?" C.J. Gates asks from his seat on the couch next to Dr. Waterson's seat. "It makes me feel uncertain. It makes me feel like the only thing I know for sure is what's going on in APW, and even then, I can't say I know one hundred percent what's being cooked up behind the scenes."
"And that disturbs you, doesn't it? It annoys you that you don't have control over the situation like you once did, doesn't it."
"No," C.J. begins before chuckling. "Yeah, I guess it kind of does. When I was the Undisputed champion, I had more of an idea of what was going on. My opponents never collaborated with others to try and get one over on me, because each time I fought someone, they wanted to prove they could beat me. But now? Now you've got unlikely teams forming to try and dethrone champions because they know that if it was one on one, they wouldn't be able to get the job done."
"Instead of that, you're stuck picking up the pieces below," Dr. Waterson offers while writing more down on his clipboard.
"I guess," C.J. says with a shrug. "I don't know if I'd call it picking up the pieces, but I am looking at what's going on at the top from the outside for the first time in a long while. I'm not saying that the Overdrive championship scramble is a horrible way to spend Shockwave, just...everyone wants to be in that Undisputed title match."
"Something like that needs to be earned," the doctor says. "You can't just expect to be handed those opportunities, and with the way you've been going lately, it makes sense as to why you're not in that match. Of course, that's not the real reason why you're here, is it C.J.?"
"I might not have been successful," C.J. says, "but I still did my best. I still busted my ass every time I was out in that ring. I guess, in a way, I've been rewarded with this title shot. I guess it could be worse, I could be off the card completely."
The doctor nods his head as he makes some notes. "So tell me about this match. What are you most worried about?"
"Losing."
"Just losing? Nothing else?"
C.J. sighs. "I'm worried about continuing this trend that I've been on, winning a match then losing, rinse and repeat. And with Keaton and I picking up the win at Overdrive, it worries me that I'm setting myself up for a huge loss. Maybe I'm worried that I don't know how I'm going to handle it, or how it's going to affect me if I do end up losing."
The doctor opens his mouth to speak, but C.J. continues. "I guess I just worry that I don't have a focus right now. Not to say I'm not focused on the match this weekend, but I'm not really sure what this means for me after Shockwave. If I win, great, I will take on all comers for the Overdrive title, but if I lose, then I'm kind of lost."
"With a match like this, I'm sure you'll have a lot of options when everything is said and done. The important thing is that you make sure to maintain focus on the people in the match."
"That I'm not worried about," C.J. assures the doctor. "I've been doing nothing but preparing for what is to come, to try and keep my mind off of things, really. And I think, for the most part, I've got everything figured out. I know that Saint is going to be my biggest threat, I know that Delikado is going to be using all the dirty tricks he knows of, I know that Mark Mania might be the underdog dark horse that people may, or may not have written off, and Slade Craven is...I hate to say it, but he's just there."
"Just there?"
"Yeah. I'm not worried about him, and I don't know if I will be when the match comes. At least, no more than I would any other opponent. But it's because of that feeling that I feel like he could sneak in and pull out the win. It's odd, because he hasn't shown me much to suspect it, yet in the back of my mind there's a little voice screaming at me to pay more attention to him." C.J. shrugs his shoulders. "So I did. Or at least, I have been lately. I've been doing more homework on him to try and get myself ready."
"You sound determined," the doctor says with a smirk. "Even if there are little voices speaking to you."
"I am determined," C.J. says with a stern nod. "I'm not going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers. It already happened once, when it wasn't my choice, but this time...this time, Delikado and the Overdrive title aren't getting away that easily."
"And you're sure you're focused?"
C.J. looks over at the doctor. "What do you mean?"
"Well, given the real reason you're here," the doctor begins, "I just wanted to make sure that there's nothing...impairing your judgement. There's no...visions that are blocking you from being able to compete at the level you're used to competing at."
"You want to know if I still see them, don't you?"
The doctor smirks. "I guess if you want to cut straight to the chase, then yes, I'm wondering if you still see your father and brothers."
"They haven't come back since yesterday," C.J. says with a smile and a nod. "They haven't returned since...well, since it became more and more apparent that they just might be gone."
"You've accepted it?"
"Not entirely. I'm still not sure I believe her one hundred percent, I'm still wary that she's trying to pull the wool over my eyes."
"Which is why you're here, so that we can hash it out and come to the conclusion that they are indeed gone."
"I guess, but I'm more worried about the scramble right now," C.J. says. "Maybe I just need to get some of my confidence back."
"Always a possibility, and one that I can help you with."
"It's not that I don't believe in myself," C.J. admits. "It's not that I don't think I can win. I know I can win. I just have to put it all together."
"And I will do my best to help you out with everyone going on in your brain. Whether it be the details about your family or your confidence for the match, I'll do my best to help."
"Thanks doc," C.J. says with a smile. He leans back and the two continue to talk as the scene fades out.
"What is the cost of losing?
"For some, it might be everything. It might be their livelihood, their career, everything that they have worked hard for, gone in an instant, left instead to carve out a whole new path for themselves. For others, it might be nothing. Simply a blip on the radar, a mere moment in time when things didn't go their way. Something they can shrug off and move on from.
"Slade Craven doesn't have anything to lose. It's not like he was tearing everything up, winning matches every week and making a name for himself. If anything, his weeks leading up to this one have been a lot like mine, taking one step forward and one step back, never really going anywhere or making any ground. And given the fact that he was never looked at, at least in my mind, as being anything of note or as a top tier talent, he's not really going to lose much if he is unable to win. Maybe a few fans, maybe a few of those supernatural battles, but nothing too important when it comes to his wrestling career.
"In fact, a loss this week would just allow him to continue to tread water until his next opportunity comes along. Because that is what Slade Craven does. He's not talentless and he's not horrible, he's just...there. He's the guy that fills a spot, a guy that shows up, puts in his time and gives it his all, but a guy that doesn't get recognized. People see Delikado as the champion. They see Saint as a man trying to gain his wheels in APW. Mark Mania is the veteran trying to get back on top of things. I'm the fire starter looking to get out of this downward funk. And Slade Craven? He's out of his element, maybe he's trying to prove his doubters wrong, but with everyone else in the match, with everything else going on, he's just going to end up falling by the wayside.
"Mark Mania stands to lose a fair bit, I'd say. While he might not be the champion, a loss here at Shockwave would definitely set him back a few paces. While he tries to forge a rebirth in his career, a set back like this would make that a harder feat to achieve. That, and he's already talking about how focused he is in this match, about how determined he is to win. And I admit, when Mark Mania is on, when he is seriously focused on the task at hand, he can be a scary man to run up against.
"But you see, a loss this week will make everyone rethink what has happened. Like other veterans that have walked the halls of APW, the start and stop of a career can sometimes be killer, and after proclaiming how much he has invested in this, a loss will let others see that his best effort, his one hundred percent dedication isn't anything to worry about. It would show people that they wouldn't have to worry about Mark Mania, and who knows, maybe some will begin to assume that his age is catching up to him. Do I think that is the case? No. I know what Mania is capable of, though I also know what has happened to him in the past month, and how Delikado and he haven't exactly seen eye to eye. The fact that they will be in the ring alone for the first little while helps him out, since he can expel some of his frustrations on the champion before the rest of us get in there.
"For his sake, however, it has to stay there. Any more anger and frustration toward Delikado and he might end up finding out how it feels to be a loser in his shoes.
"Though Mania won't have the worst result if he loses, because that honor goes to Keaton Saint. Saint is a man trying to find himself in APW. Touted as one of the top wrestlers in the Experts, he's yet to actually establish himself as anything more than Terry Marvin's whipping boy within our ring. He's faced him twice and lost twice, by fishy means I'll admit. Thing is, another loss here, a third loss when chasing after the Overdrive title, it might do more to harm his career then to help. It might make people roll their eyes, thinking 'oh it's just Saint losing again'. It might make people think that Saint can't get the job done when it matters most.
"And maybe there's fair points to that, but from what I have seen of Keaton Saint, there's more to him than losses. There's more to him than what he's been put through since he entered APW. To be fair, he's also been thrown up against some of the top talent we have, but he's better than his record indicates. Which might be another reason why a loss here might cripple him. How would he feel, not being able to gain an ounce of momentum. Where would he go? What would he do? What would you do, Keaton? How would you revive yourself after this? Would you take time off or would you try to continue to battle it out because let me tell you, Keaton, battling it out is a pain in the ass when nothing is going your way.
"Something Delikado should know all about since right now, everything is going his way. Gone from a nothing nobody to current Overdrive champion in what seems like a weekend. The recipient of good fortune because he's the only one willing to shine Terry Marvin's shoes. He's the only one willing to apply the brownest brown lip chap. He was the only one willing to sell whatever was left of his soul to the closest thing to the devil that APW has.
"And now he's rolling in it. All of it. Success, stardom, fame, whether or not he wants it, he's now got it. But the question remains can Delikado win on his own, or does he need someone to hold his hand? And now we get the answer to that, as well as the answer to what will happen to Delikado when he losses. Will he maintain his stardom, continue to carry Marvin's bags or will he fall from grace, hard, right on his face? If it's the latter, he's going to fall hard and fast and it's going to be glorious for everyone to watch. It's going to be a great spectacle for everyone to witness. 'Cuban's Missiling Crisis'. Better yet, everyone will see him for the fraud that he is when he can't back up a single one of his words.
"Is he as worthy of being the Overdrive champion as he says he is? No.
"Is he deserving of the Overdrive title? Not at all.
"And it will all be revealed on Sunday. It will all be put forth when that Cuban loses his title by the end of the scramble. They aren't the only ones that have something big to lose if they are unable to win the match, because I'm right there with them. Ever since Survive and Conquer, I've found myself in some sort of spiral. I've lost friends, I've lost matches, I've lost people's trust, and now, I find myself in a position to turn it all around. I find myself with an opportunity to really make this month matter with a win at Shockwave. If I lose, I find myself back to square one, much like some of the others will be. I will have to figure out where to go, how to right the ship, how to fix this ongoing problem that I seem to have when it comes to big matches. Survive and Conquer, Rasslemania, Mayhem. The only big match I've been able to win was Test for the Best, and that was against a man that was out of the ring for six months.
"I also find myself with an opportunity to make a memorable Pay-Per-View that much more memorable for me. It was at Shockwave two years ago where I got my first taste of APW Pay-Per-View excitement by defeating John Green and Blade. It was at Shockwave last year when I beat Biggs for the Undisputed title, becoming the only person to win Test for the Best and then the Undisputed title. And now, now I can make it three for three by capturing the Overdrive title and righting this sinking ship I've been captaining. I have the opportunity to capture my third title, to continue to make my mark within the lore of APW.
"Something that would come at the expense of four others. See, I know that everyone has something to lose, something big, and while I respect most of the competitors in the match, while I want to see everyone stand out in their own right, I know that's not possible. I know that only one of us can walk away with that title.
"And that one is going to be me.
"That someone is going to be C.J. Gates.
"I've been working too hard as of late to just let someone else take the spotlight. I've been putting too much into this to just let someone else capture that final pinfall. Mark Mania might be focused, driven, determined, but he's not as focused as I am or as driven as I am. Unlike Mania, I haven't been in and out of APW. Unlike him, I haven't given up my hopes and dreams when things don't look promising. I took my lumps, I took my pain, and I've always gotten back up. I've always done what I could do not only for myself, but for those fans. And if that means that I need to struggle through some down time, struggle from point A to point B without much direction, then that is what I'm going to do. That is what I have done.
"I didn't talk my way into this match, I earned it. And because I've earned it, I am going to make the most of it. I am going to make sure that I don't squander it. There's nothing I would like better than to make sure Delikado takes the first life raft back to the island, since God knows that there's no room for both he and his ego in America. At least sending him back might give us hope that one of them will drown the other.
"After all neither of them deserve the title that they have. Not like I've deserved it. I won the triple threat number one contenders match. I should have won the title match I had a few weeks back. But I didn't. Doesn't mean I don't deserve the title. Not like Slade Craven deserves it, but that's just me. He admitted it himself a few weeks back that he botched a title shot before, and that the triple threat was his redemption. A redemption that never happened, yet here he finds himself yet again. It's like he's constantly being set up for failure by President Jeff. Regardless of Jeff's ulterior motives, Slade Craven still doesn't deserve the title shot he's getting, nor the title that could come his way.
"The only one who might deserve the title as much as I do, is Keaton Saint and that might only be because of the shit hand he's been dealt since signing on the dotted line. Match after match seems to end the same way for him, with someone screwing him out of a win. Maybe this match is a bit of karma for all of the bad stuff that has happened to him. Who knows. But even if it is, I'm not about to let him sneak off with the title.
"Though it's not all about the title, I know that. I know that there is more to this match then the title and winning. There's the fans, and while others might choose to ignore them, and while I've been told that I should ignore them, I just can't. They pay all of that hard earned money to see us wrestle, they put their own hearts on their sleeves as they cheer for us. The least we could do is repay the favor.
"So who knows, maybe if I win the title I will dedicate it's victory to those fans that never left my side. The ones that watched me engage in that bitter battle with Kurt Noble, the ones that watched me spiral downward, the ones that watched me regrettably grab a handful of tights to get a win. Each and every one of them that still cheer my name when I step through those curtains, those are the ones that I am dedicating the win and the title to if I happen to come out on top.
"And I am going to do all that I can to make that a reality.
"Speaking of reality, the last time I was around I spoke about how each one of us needs to accept some sort of reality, to have some sort of realization before we can even think of winning this match and this title. Recently I've begun to realize that what's happening in my personal life...is something that's just not true. I've realized that I can't be worried about my mothers actions because at the end of the day, she's not the one who has to wrestle match after match.
"I am.
"And I need to be ready for everything that is thrown my way. So I've accepted my reality. I've realized that I was living in some sort of fantasy land and I needed to get my head out of the clouds. Now that I'm back down to Earth, I'm ready to make sure that the Overdrive title comes home with me.
"There can only be one winner, but at least myself and the other three competitors not named Delikado can agree that as long as the Cuban doesn't have the title, it will have been a good night overall.
"But a better night for me.
"A great night for the North Dakota Cowboy.
"Because I'm going big, while the other four of you are simply going home."
Fargo Cemetery
Fargo, North Dakota
"Why did you want me to meet you here?" C.J. Gates asks his mother as the two stand at the entrance to a cemetery. Mrs. Gates is wearing a long, black dress and a black hat, while C.J. is wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a black shirt and his usual cowboy hat.
"I've called and left messages, but since the last time we spoke, I haven't heard back. I just needed to talk to you-" C.J. is cut off by his mothers raised hand. She glances at her son and then enters the cemetery, walking with a purpose. C.J. hurries to catch up.
"Are you going to talk to me at all?" C.J. asks, but his mother doesn't respond. The two continue up the small hill of the cemetery in silence before Mrs. Gates pauses at the top of the hill. "Mom I-"
"Do you know why I brought you here?" Mrs. Gates asks without making eye contact with her son.
"No, that's what I've been trying to ask you," C.J. asks his mom as he looks out at the rows upon rows of headstones. "I called and called but you never answered me."
"I wanted to show you the truth," Mrs. Gates continues as if her son had never spoken. "Once and for all, I wanted to make sure that you knew the truth. We've been biting each others heads off for too long about this topic and now...after what you said happened, you need to see it for yourself."
"See what?"
"The truth," Mrs. Gates says. "You need to understand everything. You need to separate reality from this fantasy world you've been living in. It's the only way you're going to survive, the only way you're going to find success."
"And I'm supposed to find the truth here?" C.J. asks with a smirk on his face. "That's rich. I know that it was all a joke mom, I know that they were just pulling my leg, and they've got you in on it."
"There's no joke," Mrs. Gates says. "There never was a joke. There was only you believing what you wanted to believe. But you need to open your eyes."
"My eyes are wide open mom," C.J. says as he opens his eyes wider and glances around. "I can see everything. I can see that the trees are green, that the grass is green, and I can see that you're wearing black. What more is there for me to see?"
Mrs. Gates motions forward with her head and begins to walk down the hill. After a few moments, C.J. sighs and follows after her. A little ways down the hill, Mrs. Gates stops and turns to face a row of headstones. "Go on. I'll wait here."
C.J. glances at his mother. "You're serious?" he asks before shaking his head and turning to walk down the row. "I don't know what she thinks I'm supposed to find, that senile old bat." He glances from one side to the other, shuffling his feet as he moves through the headstones. "How do I even know how far along I'm supposed to walk before I see the-"
Gates stops dead in his tracks and stares at the headstones to his right. His eyes move from one marker to the other before he looks up and over at his mother, who simply smiles at him. "No, this can't be," he mutters to himself as he runs a hand over his face. "This can't be...this is...no!"
C.J. kneels down in front of the headstones and runs a hand along their epitaphs. The headstone on the left reads the name of "Theodore James Gates", while the one of the right reads "Bartholomew Jason Gates". Both headstones have the same date of death etched into the stone. C.J. remains on the ground for a few moments, looking at both of them, as his mother walks up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder. C.J. shrugs it off and stands up.
"I just wanted you to know," Mrs. Gates says, but C.J. continues to shake his head.
"How could you," C.J. says, turning to face his mother. "How could you!"
"How could I?" Mrs. Gates asks, shocked.
"This, all of this, how could you do this?" C.J. asks once more. "This is some sort of sick joke you're pulling here, mom. An inappropriately sick joke."
"But I-"
"It was one thing when you were telling me they were dead, and then when you hired that shrink to try and get me to realize that they were, but this? Buying plots and headstones just to prove your point? Just so you can be right? Man, you've really crossed a line this time."
"But I didn't-"
"To think that you're my mother. That you are someone that brought me into this world, and then this is what you do? This is how you treat me? It's like a child's worst nightmare coming true when a parent does everything in their power to hurt their children."
"You needed to know!" Mrs. Gates shouts as tears begin to roll down her face.
"Needed to know what? That you're a God damn lunatic? That you're the one that needs to be locked up in a padded cell wearing that straight jacket? You're a cook, mom, a certified whack job."
"They're dead, C.J.! Dead!"
"Are they? Because I've been seeing them and I don't think that would be possible if they were dead. Just because you had your fun fucking every single man that came around the house while dad was off on his business trips doesn't give you the right to bury him before his time. And your own sons! You've killed off everyone in your life and are trying to get me to play along with it because you're some sort of world class whore!"
Mrs. Gates eyes go wide as she reaches out and slaps her son across the face. "Curtis Johnathan Gates!" she yells, tears still rolling. "How dare you talk to me like that! To your own mother! I gave you life and this is how you treat me?"
C.J. stares at his mother for a few moments in disbelief, her shoulders rising and falling with rage. "Mom, I-"
"I don't need to hear it," Mrs. Gates says loudly. "I don't. I'm here trying to help, and you're just going off about what happened years and years ago. I've done nothing but help you once I saw the signs that you weren't acting normal, and then this." Mrs. Gates shakes her head in anger. "You inconsiderate bastard!"
Mrs. Gates begins to cry more as she leans against one of the headstones behind her for support. C.J. can only stare at his mother, his mouth slightly open.
"But all of this," C.J. says, motioning to the headstones below. "You did all of this."
"I didn't," Mrs. Gates says through sobs. "I didn't do it. The accident did it. The accident took their lives. I just needed you to understand. I needed you to accept it and realize it." She shakes her head and wipes tears away with her hand. "I needed you to be normal. To be sane."
"But I am," C.J. says. "I have, I know that you've just been trying to get me on your side of things this whole time, so that I wouldn't choose dad over you."
"No, that's not it at all," Mrs. Gates whines. "I didn't do this to get you on my side. Haven't you been listening? I did this so you knew! So you wouldn't be living in some sort of fantasy world where people don't die, because they do, C.J., they do!"
"But they didn't die," C.J. says after a few moments of silence while looking at the headstones.
"They did," Mrs. Gates chokes out. "I don't know what more I can do to have you accept this, but they died in that accident, C.J., and they're never coming back. And if you can't understand that, then...Don't you see how much this is breaking my heart?" She trails off and shakes her head as she stands up from the headstone. She takes a long look at her son and then turns and walks back the way they came, eventually disappearing over the hill. C.J. watches her leave before turning back to the headstones and kneeling down in front of them once more.
"It can't be true," C.J. says to himself. "I don't want it to be true."
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Thursday, August 22, 2012
The Office of Dr. Waterson
"And how does that make you feel?" Dr. Waterson asks as he writes some notes down on a clipboard.
"How does it make me feel?" C.J. Gates asks from his seat on the couch next to Dr. Waterson's seat. "It makes me feel uncertain. It makes me feel like the only thing I know for sure is what's going on in APW, and even then, I can't say I know one hundred percent what's being cooked up behind the scenes."
"And that disturbs you, doesn't it? It annoys you that you don't have control over the situation like you once did, doesn't it."
"No," C.J. begins before chuckling. "Yeah, I guess it kind of does. When I was the Undisputed champion, I had more of an idea of what was going on. My opponents never collaborated with others to try and get one over on me, because each time I fought someone, they wanted to prove they could beat me. But now? Now you've got unlikely teams forming to try and dethrone champions because they know that if it was one on one, they wouldn't be able to get the job done."
"Instead of that, you're stuck picking up the pieces below," Dr. Waterson offers while writing more down on his clipboard.
"I guess," C.J. says with a shrug. "I don't know if I'd call it picking up the pieces, but I am looking at what's going on at the top from the outside for the first time in a long while. I'm not saying that the Overdrive championship scramble is a horrible way to spend Shockwave, just...everyone wants to be in that Undisputed title match."
"Something like that needs to be earned," the doctor says. "You can't just expect to be handed those opportunities, and with the way you've been going lately, it makes sense as to why you're not in that match. Of course, that's not the real reason why you're here, is it C.J.?"
"I might not have been successful," C.J. says, "but I still did my best. I still busted my ass every time I was out in that ring. I guess, in a way, I've been rewarded with this title shot. I guess it could be worse, I could be off the card completely."
The doctor nods his head as he makes some notes. "So tell me about this match. What are you most worried about?"
"Losing."
"Just losing? Nothing else?"
C.J. sighs. "I'm worried about continuing this trend that I've been on, winning a match then losing, rinse and repeat. And with Keaton and I picking up the win at Overdrive, it worries me that I'm setting myself up for a huge loss. Maybe I'm worried that I don't know how I'm going to handle it, or how it's going to affect me if I do end up losing."
The doctor opens his mouth to speak, but C.J. continues. "I guess I just worry that I don't have a focus right now. Not to say I'm not focused on the match this weekend, but I'm not really sure what this means for me after Shockwave. If I win, great, I will take on all comers for the Overdrive title, but if I lose, then I'm kind of lost."
"With a match like this, I'm sure you'll have a lot of options when everything is said and done. The important thing is that you make sure to maintain focus on the people in the match."
"That I'm not worried about," C.J. assures the doctor. "I've been doing nothing but preparing for what is to come, to try and keep my mind off of things, really. And I think, for the most part, I've got everything figured out. I know that Saint is going to be my biggest threat, I know that Delikado is going to be using all the dirty tricks he knows of, I know that Mark Mania might be the underdog dark horse that people may, or may not have written off, and Slade Craven is...I hate to say it, but he's just there."
"Just there?"
"Yeah. I'm not worried about him, and I don't know if I will be when the match comes. At least, no more than I would any other opponent. But it's because of that feeling that I feel like he could sneak in and pull out the win. It's odd, because he hasn't shown me much to suspect it, yet in the back of my mind there's a little voice screaming at me to pay more attention to him." C.J. shrugs his shoulders. "So I did. Or at least, I have been lately. I've been doing more homework on him to try and get myself ready."
"You sound determined," the doctor says with a smirk. "Even if there are little voices speaking to you."
"I am determined," C.J. says with a stern nod. "I'm not going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers. It already happened once, when it wasn't my choice, but this time...this time, Delikado and the Overdrive title aren't getting away that easily."
"And you're sure you're focused?"
C.J. looks over at the doctor. "What do you mean?"
"Well, given the real reason you're here," the doctor begins, "I just wanted to make sure that there's nothing...impairing your judgement. There's no...visions that are blocking you from being able to compete at the level you're used to competing at."
"You want to know if I still see them, don't you?"
The doctor smirks. "I guess if you want to cut straight to the chase, then yes, I'm wondering if you still see your father and brothers."
"They haven't come back since yesterday," C.J. says with a smile and a nod. "They haven't returned since...well, since it became more and more apparent that they just might be gone."
"You've accepted it?"
"Not entirely. I'm still not sure I believe her one hundred percent, I'm still wary that she's trying to pull the wool over my eyes."
"Which is why you're here, so that we can hash it out and come to the conclusion that they are indeed gone."
"I guess, but I'm more worried about the scramble right now," C.J. says. "Maybe I just need to get some of my confidence back."
"Always a possibility, and one that I can help you with."
"It's not that I don't believe in myself," C.J. admits. "It's not that I don't think I can win. I know I can win. I just have to put it all together."
"And I will do my best to help you out with everyone going on in your brain. Whether it be the details about your family or your confidence for the match, I'll do my best to help."
"Thanks doc," C.J. says with a smile. He leans back and the two continue to talk as the scene fades out.
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Cost of Losing
Cost of Losing
"What is the cost of losing?
"For some, it might be everything. It might be their livelihood, their career, everything that they have worked hard for, gone in an instant, left instead to carve out a whole new path for themselves. For others, it might be nothing. Simply a blip on the radar, a mere moment in time when things didn't go their way. Something they can shrug off and move on from.
"Slade Craven doesn't have anything to lose. It's not like he was tearing everything up, winning matches every week and making a name for himself. If anything, his weeks leading up to this one have been a lot like mine, taking one step forward and one step back, never really going anywhere or making any ground. And given the fact that he was never looked at, at least in my mind, as being anything of note or as a top tier talent, he's not really going to lose much if he is unable to win. Maybe a few fans, maybe a few of those supernatural battles, but nothing too important when it comes to his wrestling career.
"In fact, a loss this week would just allow him to continue to tread water until his next opportunity comes along. Because that is what Slade Craven does. He's not talentless and he's not horrible, he's just...there. He's the guy that fills a spot, a guy that shows up, puts in his time and gives it his all, but a guy that doesn't get recognized. People see Delikado as the champion. They see Saint as a man trying to gain his wheels in APW. Mark Mania is the veteran trying to get back on top of things. I'm the fire starter looking to get out of this downward funk. And Slade Craven? He's out of his element, maybe he's trying to prove his doubters wrong, but with everyone else in the match, with everything else going on, he's just going to end up falling by the wayside.
"Mark Mania stands to lose a fair bit, I'd say. While he might not be the champion, a loss here at Shockwave would definitely set him back a few paces. While he tries to forge a rebirth in his career, a set back like this would make that a harder feat to achieve. That, and he's already talking about how focused he is in this match, about how determined he is to win. And I admit, when Mark Mania is on, when he is seriously focused on the task at hand, he can be a scary man to run up against.
"But you see, a loss this week will make everyone rethink what has happened. Like other veterans that have walked the halls of APW, the start and stop of a career can sometimes be killer, and after proclaiming how much he has invested in this, a loss will let others see that his best effort, his one hundred percent dedication isn't anything to worry about. It would show people that they wouldn't have to worry about Mark Mania, and who knows, maybe some will begin to assume that his age is catching up to him. Do I think that is the case? No. I know what Mania is capable of, though I also know what has happened to him in the past month, and how Delikado and he haven't exactly seen eye to eye. The fact that they will be in the ring alone for the first little while helps him out, since he can expel some of his frustrations on the champion before the rest of us get in there.
"For his sake, however, it has to stay there. Any more anger and frustration toward Delikado and he might end up finding out how it feels to be a loser in his shoes.
"Though Mania won't have the worst result if he loses, because that honor goes to Keaton Saint. Saint is a man trying to find himself in APW. Touted as one of the top wrestlers in the Experts, he's yet to actually establish himself as anything more than Terry Marvin's whipping boy within our ring. He's faced him twice and lost twice, by fishy means I'll admit. Thing is, another loss here, a third loss when chasing after the Overdrive title, it might do more to harm his career then to help. It might make people roll their eyes, thinking 'oh it's just Saint losing again'. It might make people think that Saint can't get the job done when it matters most.
"And maybe there's fair points to that, but from what I have seen of Keaton Saint, there's more to him than losses. There's more to him than what he's been put through since he entered APW. To be fair, he's also been thrown up against some of the top talent we have, but he's better than his record indicates. Which might be another reason why a loss here might cripple him. How would he feel, not being able to gain an ounce of momentum. Where would he go? What would he do? What would you do, Keaton? How would you revive yourself after this? Would you take time off or would you try to continue to battle it out because let me tell you, Keaton, battling it out is a pain in the ass when nothing is going your way.
"Something Delikado should know all about since right now, everything is going his way. Gone from a nothing nobody to current Overdrive champion in what seems like a weekend. The recipient of good fortune because he's the only one willing to shine Terry Marvin's shoes. He's the only one willing to apply the brownest brown lip chap. He was the only one willing to sell whatever was left of his soul to the closest thing to the devil that APW has.
"And now he's rolling in it. All of it. Success, stardom, fame, whether or not he wants it, he's now got it. But the question remains can Delikado win on his own, or does he need someone to hold his hand? And now we get the answer to that, as well as the answer to what will happen to Delikado when he losses. Will he maintain his stardom, continue to carry Marvin's bags or will he fall from grace, hard, right on his face? If it's the latter, he's going to fall hard and fast and it's going to be glorious for everyone to watch. It's going to be a great spectacle for everyone to witness. 'Cuban's Missiling Crisis'. Better yet, everyone will see him for the fraud that he is when he can't back up a single one of his words.
"Is he as worthy of being the Overdrive champion as he says he is? No.
"Is he deserving of the Overdrive title? Not at all.
"And it will all be revealed on Sunday. It will all be put forth when that Cuban loses his title by the end of the scramble. They aren't the only ones that have something big to lose if they are unable to win the match, because I'm right there with them. Ever since Survive and Conquer, I've found myself in some sort of spiral. I've lost friends, I've lost matches, I've lost people's trust, and now, I find myself in a position to turn it all around. I find myself with an opportunity to really make this month matter with a win at Shockwave. If I lose, I find myself back to square one, much like some of the others will be. I will have to figure out where to go, how to right the ship, how to fix this ongoing problem that I seem to have when it comes to big matches. Survive and Conquer, Rasslemania, Mayhem. The only big match I've been able to win was Test for the Best, and that was against a man that was out of the ring for six months.
"I also find myself with an opportunity to make a memorable Pay-Per-View that much more memorable for me. It was at Shockwave two years ago where I got my first taste of APW Pay-Per-View excitement by defeating John Green and Blade. It was at Shockwave last year when I beat Biggs for the Undisputed title, becoming the only person to win Test for the Best and then the Undisputed title. And now, now I can make it three for three by capturing the Overdrive title and righting this sinking ship I've been captaining. I have the opportunity to capture my third title, to continue to make my mark within the lore of APW.
"Something that would come at the expense of four others. See, I know that everyone has something to lose, something big, and while I respect most of the competitors in the match, while I want to see everyone stand out in their own right, I know that's not possible. I know that only one of us can walk away with that title.
"And that one is going to be me.
"That someone is going to be C.J. Gates.
"I've been working too hard as of late to just let someone else take the spotlight. I've been putting too much into this to just let someone else capture that final pinfall. Mark Mania might be focused, driven, determined, but he's not as focused as I am or as driven as I am. Unlike Mania, I haven't been in and out of APW. Unlike him, I haven't given up my hopes and dreams when things don't look promising. I took my lumps, I took my pain, and I've always gotten back up. I've always done what I could do not only for myself, but for those fans. And if that means that I need to struggle through some down time, struggle from point A to point B without much direction, then that is what I'm going to do. That is what I have done.
"I didn't talk my way into this match, I earned it. And because I've earned it, I am going to make the most of it. I am going to make sure that I don't squander it. There's nothing I would like better than to make sure Delikado takes the first life raft back to the island, since God knows that there's no room for both he and his ego in America. At least sending him back might give us hope that one of them will drown the other.
"After all neither of them deserve the title that they have. Not like I've deserved it. I won the triple threat number one contenders match. I should have won the title match I had a few weeks back. But I didn't. Doesn't mean I don't deserve the title. Not like Slade Craven deserves it, but that's just me. He admitted it himself a few weeks back that he botched a title shot before, and that the triple threat was his redemption. A redemption that never happened, yet here he finds himself yet again. It's like he's constantly being set up for failure by President Jeff. Regardless of Jeff's ulterior motives, Slade Craven still doesn't deserve the title shot he's getting, nor the title that could come his way.
"The only one who might deserve the title as much as I do, is Keaton Saint and that might only be because of the shit hand he's been dealt since signing on the dotted line. Match after match seems to end the same way for him, with someone screwing him out of a win. Maybe this match is a bit of karma for all of the bad stuff that has happened to him. Who knows. But even if it is, I'm not about to let him sneak off with the title.
"Though it's not all about the title, I know that. I know that there is more to this match then the title and winning. There's the fans, and while others might choose to ignore them, and while I've been told that I should ignore them, I just can't. They pay all of that hard earned money to see us wrestle, they put their own hearts on their sleeves as they cheer for us. The least we could do is repay the favor.
"So who knows, maybe if I win the title I will dedicate it's victory to those fans that never left my side. The ones that watched me engage in that bitter battle with Kurt Noble, the ones that watched me spiral downward, the ones that watched me regrettably grab a handful of tights to get a win. Each and every one of them that still cheer my name when I step through those curtains, those are the ones that I am dedicating the win and the title to if I happen to come out on top.
"And I am going to do all that I can to make that a reality.
"Speaking of reality, the last time I was around I spoke about how each one of us needs to accept some sort of reality, to have some sort of realization before we can even think of winning this match and this title. Recently I've begun to realize that what's happening in my personal life...is something that's just not true. I've realized that I can't be worried about my mothers actions because at the end of the day, she's not the one who has to wrestle match after match.
"I am.
"And I need to be ready for everything that is thrown my way. So I've accepted my reality. I've realized that I was living in some sort of fantasy land and I needed to get my head out of the clouds. Now that I'm back down to Earth, I'm ready to make sure that the Overdrive title comes home with me.
"There can only be one winner, but at least myself and the other three competitors not named Delikado can agree that as long as the Cuban doesn't have the title, it will have been a good night overall.
"But a better night for me.
"A great night for the North Dakota Cowboy.
"Because I'm going big, while the other four of you are simply going home."
