Post by Jules on Aug 25, 2012 7:38:47 GMT -4
The scene opens inside a classroom. Twenty-something vessels of human potential look with intent at a female adult like the beacons of joy and enthusiasm we all wish children would be. The female adult issues a friendly smile at her charges.
Female: Good morning class.
Class (in unison): Good morning, Miss Flowers.
Miss Flowers: Children, today we have a very special guest visitor who has come to talk to you about bullying.
The little nippers make a few noises of appreciation and enthusiasm.
Miss Flowers: He has come all the way from England, but he works here in America. Some of you may know him from the wrestling show ‘Action Packed Wrestling’ where he competes as one of the most eminent professional wrestlers in the America. Please give a warm welcome, class, to Mr. Julius Farquhar.
The world’s only Quintessentially English wrestler steps out of the corner, the APW Tap Out Championship belt around his waist. There is a forced applause, most of which comes from the over-polite classroom teacher, but the children just look on, open-mouthed, at a man who looks like he is auditioning for a part in a television programme set in Victorian England. Julius, however, is all smiles.
Julius: Children of America, if there is one plague that afflicts humankind like no other, if there is one scourge that we, as enlightened vessels, must extinguish, it is the crime of bullying. But what is bullying?
Julius’ question is met with a wall of silence which the Tap Out Champion waits out for 10-15 seconds, then adding.
Julius: Surely, some of you must know what bullying is. Judging by the sight of some of you I have no doubt you experience it on a daily basis.
No response. Julius turns to Miss Flowers.
Julius: What on earth have you been teaching these miscreants? SILENCE!
All the children jump at that sudden outburst; Julius draws his attention to boys who continue to whisper to each other at the rear of the class.
Julius: I see we have two vagabonds among us with something to say. Speak up, dear boys, do not spend your time whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.
The boys give Julius an incredulous look.
Julius: Come now, no need to be coy, pray do tell what you think.
Boy 1: You suck!
The class laugh, Miss Flowers is on her feet and issues ‘the glare’, that most potent of all behaviour management techniques. Julius simply chuckles and retorts.
Julius: I hardly think so.
Julius removes the Tap Out Championship belt from around his waist and lifts it into the air.
Julius: This object proves that I do anything but ‘suck’; it is evidence that I am one of the world’s elite athletes, that with my bear hands I can make grown men cry like little girls.
Girl in the front: Hey! That’s stereotyping!
Julius looks at the girl, who also happens to be wearing a pair of thick glasses, recoils at herbeastly unique looks and says.
Julius: Do not be foolish little girl; I would not say it if it was not the truth.
Girl in the front: Yes you could, because you’re a meany and you’re stereotyping and that’s a form of bullying.
Julius: And I suppose you would know all about that, right?
Girl in the front: No-
Julius ignores her and cuts her off.
Julius: This is the pain I am talking about. Goggles here has opened her heart about the torment she suffers, just because she has to wear glasses that give her a hideous look.
Miss Flowers: Mr. Farquhar, I hardly think this is an appropriate way to talk to the children or speak about this topic.
Julius: I do apologise. In these days of fragile minds I must remember to maintain my political correctness. May I continue?
Miss Flowers: By all means, but please stick to the topic.
Julius nods appreciatively and turns back to the class.
Julius: I must correct myself here. What is your name little girl?
Girl in the front: It’s Cyn-
Julius: What four-eyes here wants to say is that is wrong for all of you to bully her just because she looks like a moose with two bottle tops stuck to her eyes.
Girl in the front: Hey! Who said I am bullied?
Julius: Admittance is the first step to overcoming this problem, Gertrude. It is not your fault you were born with a face that would melt candles and two spastic eyes. Do not let the world beat you down, my dear-
Miss Flowers: Mr. Farquhar! Can I speak to you outside?
Perplexed, Julius follows Miss Flowers into the hall, some rogue just missing the back of his head with a thrown ball of paper. Wearing a stern expression, Miss Flowers begins to give Julius a dressing down.
Miss Flowers: This is quite irregular. You were not invited here today to insult the children, but speak to them about bullying. I was of the understanding you had a powerful and inspiring story to tell about overcoming this problem. Now if you cannot get to the relevant point quickly, then I think it may be best for all parties to put an end to this right now.
Julius: Okay, please allow me one last chance. My message is an important one and needs to be understood by as many children as possible. I am here to help and spread my Quintessentially English knowledge.
Miss Flowers nods and they step into the classroom. Julius starts up again.
Julius: Bullying is a terrible thing. As we saw with my demonstration involving little Gertrude.
Cynthia: My name is CYNTHIA!
Julius: Whatever. As we saw bullies often focus on a specific physical characteristic that may induce sensitivity in the target. In Cynthia’s case, her eyes do not work properly, therefore a bully may render her inferior in his mind and attempt to convey that belief to the target, to the extent that the target internalises this belief and comes to experience sensitivity, anguish and self-mutilating self-consciousness about that physical characteristic. In Cynthia’s case, she has two wonky eyes, and although someone would not be wrong to draw attention to this fact in certain cases, it is beside the point.
The children look on blank-faced.
Julius: What I have come to talk to you about today is a case of bullying so profound and grotesque, and the story of how one incredible individual overcame the ordeal, that it will teach you that your trivial grievances of your own torments are less than nothing.
Julius holds up the Tap Out Championship belt.
Julius: This is the fruit that awaits all those who fight against injustice and against those people who strive to oppress them. You can look at it, but remember, if you touch it or even so much as breathe on it, you will quickly learn why so many buckle under the strain of the Windsor Knot.
Julius walks around the room, giving every child a glimpse of the title he holds so dearly.
Julius: The story begins several months ago. A lone warrior, fighting for an elevated cause, entered a barren wasteland whose governance was overseen by a bumbling, incompetent and morally bankrupt steward. The lone warrior brought a message of hope, fostered by the rare and rich qualities of the Quintessentially English spirit. That lone warrior is me, Julius Farquhar, the world’s only Quintessentially English wrestler, and most prominent athlete. The villain of the piece is the sinister tyrant presiding over Action Packed Wrestling’s ‘Asylum’ brand; look up the world scoundrel in the dictionary and you will be presented with a portrait of Reginald Schmidt.
Julius pulls out a picture of Reginald as an educational prop.
Julius: This man did all he could to put me down at the expense of others. When I was illuminating the Asylum audience show after show, it was others, less talented and less deserving than I, who were given prime spots in all the big matches. Michael Callahan’s debut success and subsequent legacy is due in no small part to the fact I was not given the shot he was given, that he was protected by Reginald Schmidt for months and months.
Julius: Where was my invitation to join the Tap Out Championship tournament for Rasslemania? Instead, spots were given to lesser individuals like Kid Dynamo and Dan Quinn – men I would not even deem fit to serve my Quintessentially English afternoon tea. That Anthony Bailey was the victor in that contest speaks volumes, and let us not forget I was the first, and remain the only person, to have made that sanctimonious hypocrite cry like ginger pubes over there cries himself to sleep when he realises no woman will ever sleep with him.
Julius: As for the World Heavyweight Championship? Time after time Reginald Schmidt has denied me, throwing refusals and obstacles, or whatever excuse he can muster in my way. Granted, he has been successful so far, but the pace of history will accelerate and there is nothing Reginald can do to prevent the inevitable: the rise and ascension of the Quintessentially English Empire and my crowning as the best wrestler in the world.
Julius: Already, I have begun to grow shoots of resistance to Reginald’s evil tyranny. This Championship I carry today proves this. The sway of public pressure demanded he give me an opportunity, and Reginald thought he was throwing me to the lions when he gave me a shot against the villain he was grooming to be the next World Heavyweight Champion, viz. Anthony ‘The Broken Promise’ Bailey. But Bailey was not of the same breed as I, and like the great gladiators of old I overcome and vanquished the sadistic purge intended of me by my enemy. Now I am the Tap Out Champion, I make athletes tap out for all their life’s worth every day of the week. What does that mean? It means I inflict so much pain they are forced to resists every instinct and urge that has brought them to my level – they are forced to quit and admit they cannot stand the pain any further.
Julius smiles in a self-congratulatory manner, pulling a hanky out of the breast pocket on his superbly cut suit, then polishing the gold on his Championship belt. He continues.
Julius: But the story has one further twist. I defeated my bully with not just strength, but with copious amounts of moral fortitude also. The moral high ground is a victory in itself, but sometimes you have to put a bully on his backside also. Strength is the route Reginald has taken because in his spiritual decrepitude he exists beyond human goodness and can only rely on his animal instincts. Now he has turned to a heaving beast of nearly 300lbs, another bully who has pushed his way into an undeserving shot at my Tap Out Title when there is a long queue, including good, loyal men like Mr. Dangerous, waiting patiently for their dues – to go one on one, but lose, to a great champion like me.
At this point there is an interruption.
Miss Flowers: So, Mr. Farquhar, what is the message of your story? Could you sum it up for the children?
Julius: The message is simple: even great men like I, Julius Farquhar, can be subjected to envy and the hateful treatment of bullies. I did overcome my struggles, but then I am superior to everybody else, but the message is that if even wonderful, outstanding examples of humanity like me can be targeted, well then you should just accept that servile breeds like this class should stop crying over spilt milk and understand your troubles pale in comparison to the worries and the woes of esteemed individuals like myself.
Miss Flowers looks on aghast; most of the children stopped listening a long time ago and some have even drifted into slumber.
Julius: That is my wholesome message, children, a truly Quintessentially English success story, and even though you can never be like me, a good old English try is always to be commended. And remember to tell your parents to purchase APW Shockwave for just $45 and tune in to watch me give TJ the Quintessentially English ass-kicking he has come begging for.
*
Half an hour later...
Phil: So, how did it go?
Julius: Tough crowd. That Miss Flowers did a pretty poor job warming them up.
Phil: Did you inspire any of them?
Julius: Behave, Phil! My every breath is an inspiration to millions.
Phil: So you’re ready, then? For Sunday, I mean.
Julius: I have been ready to wear gold and thrash villains like TJ since the day I escaped the womb. Sunday night it my date with destiny, my time to prove to the world that not only am I APW’s best, but that am the best the world has ever seen.
Phil: Because you’re Quintessentially English, right?
Julius: Not just because of that, but because on Sunday I will make the most fiercely intimidating physical athlete APW has ever seen submit to my will. I will show that the great fighting spirit of TJ and the city he thinks he embodies is a fraud, that it is nothing but weakness when confronted with the Quintessentially English. On Sunday the most dominating racehorse on Asylum is put out to pasture and forced to see out his days in a wheelchair because, and this I promise, when I’m through with TJ at Shockwave, I will not only have broken his will and his spirit, but both of his legs.
Female: Good morning class.
Class (in unison): Good morning, Miss Flowers.
Miss Flowers: Children, today we have a very special guest visitor who has come to talk to you about bullying.
The little nippers make a few noises of appreciation and enthusiasm.
Miss Flowers: He has come all the way from England, but he works here in America. Some of you may know him from the wrestling show ‘Action Packed Wrestling’ where he competes as one of the most eminent professional wrestlers in the America. Please give a warm welcome, class, to Mr. Julius Farquhar.
The world’s only Quintessentially English wrestler steps out of the corner, the APW Tap Out Championship belt around his waist. There is a forced applause, most of which comes from the over-polite classroom teacher, but the children just look on, open-mouthed, at a man who looks like he is auditioning for a part in a television programme set in Victorian England. Julius, however, is all smiles.
Julius: Children of America, if there is one plague that afflicts humankind like no other, if there is one scourge that we, as enlightened vessels, must extinguish, it is the crime of bullying. But what is bullying?
Julius’ question is met with a wall of silence which the Tap Out Champion waits out for 10-15 seconds, then adding.
Julius: Surely, some of you must know what bullying is. Judging by the sight of some of you I have no doubt you experience it on a daily basis.
No response. Julius turns to Miss Flowers.
Julius: What on earth have you been teaching these miscreants? SILENCE!
All the children jump at that sudden outburst; Julius draws his attention to boys who continue to whisper to each other at the rear of the class.
Julius: I see we have two vagabonds among us with something to say. Speak up, dear boys, do not spend your time whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.
The boys give Julius an incredulous look.
Julius: Come now, no need to be coy, pray do tell what you think.
Boy 1: You suck!
The class laugh, Miss Flowers is on her feet and issues ‘the glare’, that most potent of all behaviour management techniques. Julius simply chuckles and retorts.
Julius: I hardly think so.
Julius removes the Tap Out Championship belt from around his waist and lifts it into the air.
Julius: This object proves that I do anything but ‘suck’; it is evidence that I am one of the world’s elite athletes, that with my bear hands I can make grown men cry like little girls.
Girl in the front: Hey! That’s stereotyping!
Julius looks at the girl, who also happens to be wearing a pair of thick glasses, recoils at her
Julius: Do not be foolish little girl; I would not say it if it was not the truth.
Girl in the front: Yes you could, because you’re a meany and you’re stereotyping and that’s a form of bullying.
Julius: And I suppose you would know all about that, right?
Girl in the front: No-
Julius ignores her and cuts her off.
Julius: This is the pain I am talking about. Goggles here has opened her heart about the torment she suffers, just because she has to wear glasses that give her a hideous look.
Miss Flowers: Mr. Farquhar, I hardly think this is an appropriate way to talk to the children or speak about this topic.
Julius: I do apologise. In these days of fragile minds I must remember to maintain my political correctness. May I continue?
Miss Flowers: By all means, but please stick to the topic.
Julius nods appreciatively and turns back to the class.
Julius: I must correct myself here. What is your name little girl?
Girl in the front: It’s Cyn-
Julius: What four-eyes here wants to say is that is wrong for all of you to bully her just because she looks like a moose with two bottle tops stuck to her eyes.
Girl in the front: Hey! Who said I am bullied?
Julius: Admittance is the first step to overcoming this problem, Gertrude. It is not your fault you were born with a face that would melt candles and two spastic eyes. Do not let the world beat you down, my dear-
Miss Flowers: Mr. Farquhar! Can I speak to you outside?
Perplexed, Julius follows Miss Flowers into the hall, some rogue just missing the back of his head with a thrown ball of paper. Wearing a stern expression, Miss Flowers begins to give Julius a dressing down.
Miss Flowers: This is quite irregular. You were not invited here today to insult the children, but speak to them about bullying. I was of the understanding you had a powerful and inspiring story to tell about overcoming this problem. Now if you cannot get to the relevant point quickly, then I think it may be best for all parties to put an end to this right now.
Julius: Okay, please allow me one last chance. My message is an important one and needs to be understood by as many children as possible. I am here to help and spread my Quintessentially English knowledge.
Miss Flowers nods and they step into the classroom. Julius starts up again.
Julius: Bullying is a terrible thing. As we saw with my demonstration involving little Gertrude.
Cynthia: My name is CYNTHIA!
Julius: Whatever. As we saw bullies often focus on a specific physical characteristic that may induce sensitivity in the target. In Cynthia’s case, her eyes do not work properly, therefore a bully may render her inferior in his mind and attempt to convey that belief to the target, to the extent that the target internalises this belief and comes to experience sensitivity, anguish and self-mutilating self-consciousness about that physical characteristic. In Cynthia’s case, she has two wonky eyes, and although someone would not be wrong to draw attention to this fact in certain cases, it is beside the point.
The children look on blank-faced.
Julius: What I have come to talk to you about today is a case of bullying so profound and grotesque, and the story of how one incredible individual overcame the ordeal, that it will teach you that your trivial grievances of your own torments are less than nothing.
Julius holds up the Tap Out Championship belt.
Julius: This is the fruit that awaits all those who fight against injustice and against those people who strive to oppress them. You can look at it, but remember, if you touch it or even so much as breathe on it, you will quickly learn why so many buckle under the strain of the Windsor Knot.
Julius walks around the room, giving every child a glimpse of the title he holds so dearly.
Julius: The story begins several months ago. A lone warrior, fighting for an elevated cause, entered a barren wasteland whose governance was overseen by a bumbling, incompetent and morally bankrupt steward. The lone warrior brought a message of hope, fostered by the rare and rich qualities of the Quintessentially English spirit. That lone warrior is me, Julius Farquhar, the world’s only Quintessentially English wrestler, and most prominent athlete. The villain of the piece is the sinister tyrant presiding over Action Packed Wrestling’s ‘Asylum’ brand; look up the world scoundrel in the dictionary and you will be presented with a portrait of Reginald Schmidt.
Julius pulls out a picture of Reginald as an educational prop.
Julius: This man did all he could to put me down at the expense of others. When I was illuminating the Asylum audience show after show, it was others, less talented and less deserving than I, who were given prime spots in all the big matches. Michael Callahan’s debut success and subsequent legacy is due in no small part to the fact I was not given the shot he was given, that he was protected by Reginald Schmidt for months and months.
Julius: Where was my invitation to join the Tap Out Championship tournament for Rasslemania? Instead, spots were given to lesser individuals like Kid Dynamo and Dan Quinn – men I would not even deem fit to serve my Quintessentially English afternoon tea. That Anthony Bailey was the victor in that contest speaks volumes, and let us not forget I was the first, and remain the only person, to have made that sanctimonious hypocrite cry like ginger pubes over there cries himself to sleep when he realises no woman will ever sleep with him.
Julius: As for the World Heavyweight Championship? Time after time Reginald Schmidt has denied me, throwing refusals and obstacles, or whatever excuse he can muster in my way. Granted, he has been successful so far, but the pace of history will accelerate and there is nothing Reginald can do to prevent the inevitable: the rise and ascension of the Quintessentially English Empire and my crowning as the best wrestler in the world.
Julius: Already, I have begun to grow shoots of resistance to Reginald’s evil tyranny. This Championship I carry today proves this. The sway of public pressure demanded he give me an opportunity, and Reginald thought he was throwing me to the lions when he gave me a shot against the villain he was grooming to be the next World Heavyweight Champion, viz. Anthony ‘The Broken Promise’ Bailey. But Bailey was not of the same breed as I, and like the great gladiators of old I overcome and vanquished the sadistic purge intended of me by my enemy. Now I am the Tap Out Champion, I make athletes tap out for all their life’s worth every day of the week. What does that mean? It means I inflict so much pain they are forced to resists every instinct and urge that has brought them to my level – they are forced to quit and admit they cannot stand the pain any further.
Julius smiles in a self-congratulatory manner, pulling a hanky out of the breast pocket on his superbly cut suit, then polishing the gold on his Championship belt. He continues.
Julius: But the story has one further twist. I defeated my bully with not just strength, but with copious amounts of moral fortitude also. The moral high ground is a victory in itself, but sometimes you have to put a bully on his backside also. Strength is the route Reginald has taken because in his spiritual decrepitude he exists beyond human goodness and can only rely on his animal instincts. Now he has turned to a heaving beast of nearly 300lbs, another bully who has pushed his way into an undeserving shot at my Tap Out Title when there is a long queue, including good, loyal men like Mr. Dangerous, waiting patiently for their dues – to go one on one, but lose, to a great champion like me.
At this point there is an interruption.
Miss Flowers: So, Mr. Farquhar, what is the message of your story? Could you sum it up for the children?
Julius: The message is simple: even great men like I, Julius Farquhar, can be subjected to envy and the hateful treatment of bullies. I did overcome my struggles, but then I am superior to everybody else, but the message is that if even wonderful, outstanding examples of humanity like me can be targeted, well then you should just accept that servile breeds like this class should stop crying over spilt milk and understand your troubles pale in comparison to the worries and the woes of esteemed individuals like myself.
Miss Flowers looks on aghast; most of the children stopped listening a long time ago and some have even drifted into slumber.
Julius: That is my wholesome message, children, a truly Quintessentially English success story, and even though you can never be like me, a good old English try is always to be commended. And remember to tell your parents to purchase APW Shockwave for just $45 and tune in to watch me give TJ the Quintessentially English ass-kicking he has come begging for.
*
Half an hour later...
Phil: So, how did it go?
Julius: Tough crowd. That Miss Flowers did a pretty poor job warming them up.
Phil: Did you inspire any of them?
Julius: Behave, Phil! My every breath is an inspiration to millions.
Phil: So you’re ready, then? For Sunday, I mean.
Julius: I have been ready to wear gold and thrash villains like TJ since the day I escaped the womb. Sunday night it my date with destiny, my time to prove to the world that not only am I APW’s best, but that am the best the world has ever seen.
Phil: Because you’re Quintessentially English, right?
Julius: Not just because of that, but because on Sunday I will make the most fiercely intimidating physical athlete APW has ever seen submit to my will. I will show that the great fighting spirit of TJ and the city he thinks he embodies is a fraud, that it is nothing but weakness when confronted with the Quintessentially English. On Sunday the most dominating racehorse on Asylum is put out to pasture and forced to see out his days in a wheelchair because, and this I promise, when I’m through with TJ at Shockwave, I will not only have broken his will and his spirit, but both of his legs.
