Post by Streets Wilson on Sept 16, 2012 13:57:19 GMT -4
(Streets Wilson is sitting down in a recliner. It is “reclined” all the way back. This is a man who does not have a care in the world. Sitting in another also in the same room, is Streets Wilson’s on again- off again associate; Ghetto Joe. Ghetto Joe is a man whose appearance is probably familiar to anyone who has lived in an impoverished area in the United States and elsewhere. He is a man of Puerto Rican descent with a buzzcut and thin mustache. At the present time, he is passing a rather large blunt towards Streets Wilson, who happily accepts it and begins to puff on it aggressively)
Streets Wilson: Now, I agreed to have the APW production team in my home today, so I don’t have to travel around to do these promos. So please, don’t touch anything while you’re here… those antiques are real. That Greek vase was… well whatever, just don’t touch it.
(The camera screen bobs up and down representing the camera man nodding)
Streets Wilson: Now lets address the business at hand here
Streets Wilson: Fuckin everybody knows I had cancer last week… I was in Stamford smoking copious amounts of weed, hoping it would attack the cancer cells or something, and it worked. You see, Streets Wilson has only the most prestigious and expensive lawyers. My contract only requires 6 in ring appearances a year. I don’t know who that was in the ring dressed like me… It was most likely “assassin” or whoever the fuck. So that’s what you call a victory Shadow? Defeating a man who’s dressed like another man who has cancer? That’s shameful… They need to get some media coverage to shed some light on what kind of sick monster you are sir. I turn my back on you. Don’t even try to talk to me backstage, because I’m the kind of guy who volunteers to help cancer victims, not make fun of them like you do. What do you beat your wife too? Piece of shit.
(Streets Wilson passes the blunt)
Ghetto Joe (accepting the L from Streets and proceeding to inhale the mellow smoke): … Piece of shit indeed holmes
(Streets Wilson is giving a scornful look)
Streets Wilson: And don’t think I’m done with you either you heartless bastard Shadow… I told you last week it’s never over when you fuck with Streets Wilson. You may have beaten up one of your buddies while they were dressed like me, but some people still believe it was me under there: and we just can’t have that now can we? Maybe next time you’re walking out of the grocery store someone breaks your legs from behind with a baseball bat? If you catch my drift…
Ghetto Joe: Yeah, if you catch his drift son
(Streets Wilson brings his own hand up to his forehead)
Streets Wilson: Joe, go prepare our “guest” for later
(Ghetto Joe gives Streets Wilson the blunt before scurrying away into a different section of the house)
Streets Wilson: Yeah, Then how are you gonna get those bags to your car Shadow? With broken legs. Not so smart now are you? Just remember, Streets Wilson has the people behind him. No, not the ones who cheer for people like you and John Cena… I’m talking about the real people. I’m talking about the Detroit fans. The Chigaco fans. The real New York fans. The people that matter. I’m sure you’ll do fine in “Montana” though.
(Ghetto Joe returns to the room)
Ghetto Joe: Everything’s all set boss.
(Streets Wilson nods to Ghetto Joe)
Streets Wilson: Everyone seems to be the exact same character In APW though don’t they? Their loud-mouthed, often violent people who every once in a while say something clever or funny. Oh, and they have a “dark past” too don’t they? Right Lively?
(Streets Wilson snickers to Ghetto Joe, who looks back at him with a facial expression that conveys “They don’t even know”)
Streets Wilson: You don’t even want to know the skeletons I have in my closet
(Streets Wilson walks over to the other side of the room slides back his closet door to reveal several skeletons chaotically draped all over each other in the closet)
Streets Wilson (doing a double take): OH SHIT
(Streets immediately slams the door shut again)
Streets Wilson: Um… don’t try to change the subject here Lively. This isn’t about the non-metaphorical skeletons in Streets Wilson’s closet. This is about you talking shit about Streets Wilson. So lets go over some “facts” because that’s what Streets Wilson is all about
(Streets Wilson folds his hands together and begins to speak)
Streets Wilson: Unfortunately for you, Mr. Miyagi was not a real person; he was a character in the movie Karate Kid… So are you telling me you snuck into some 75 year old actor’s house and murdered him? A man who was told at a very young age by doctors he would never be able to walk? So you snuck into a 75 year old man’s house, a man who had been crippled since the age of around 5 or 6, and a man who was barely able to ever walk, and you murdered this old man in his sleep… I can see you’re proud of this… You know, you and Shadow might actually get along. He also gets some sort of sick pleasure from these deplorable acts as well. And maybe you better recognize, Streets Wilson doesn’t do “Karate”. You’ll get no “Crane kicks” from Streets Wilson… you see because that’s a Karate maneuver… which I don’t do… What Streets Wilson does do though is take care of business. You’re going to find out what the difference between the movies and Streets Wilson is when I hold you down in the middle of that ring and fuck you in the eye.
Streets Wilson: There’s a lot of things your going have to “learn” when you step into that ring Lively. First and foremost is that: nobody cares. Nobody cares what you have to say. Nobody cares what you do. You see- Your not Streets Wilson. That’s right, Streets Wilson is back remember?
Streets Wilson: Like most people you have a very pitiful understanding of what you speak of. You mention silly buzz names like the spinal tuberculosis cripple Mr. Miyagi, or the talentless white man who stole Bruce Lee’s show Kung Fu: David Carradine. Neither of which ever did a single thing worth noting in action cinema. They made children’s movies and programs for the dim-witted white people who weren’t mentally ready for what Streets Wilson does. What’s going to happen to you will not be Americanized so as to not overwhelm and offend you. You’re not gonna get “David Carradined” I’ll pick you up in a fireman’s carry, and run you around the ring non-shalantly while you whine and cry for me to put you down, just like Judo Gene did to Bruce Lee.
Streets Wilson: See Lively, in terms you can understand because the only knowledge you have on what I do comes from movies: Your gonna get Sammo Hung’ed. I’m gonna give you the Donnie Yen treatment. . That is to say, I’m just gonna kick the shit out of you in a violent manner. Your limited cultural and film understanding is rather amusing though, and sort of representative of your entire existence. You stand there saying something you think is clever: when in reality what you’re doing is the equivalent of bringing up McDonalds in a discussion of gourmet foods. You’re a perfect example of what is known as “an idiot”. You’d of been better off making a Jackie Chan reference. At any rate, you, like seemingly most people in the APW, have proven your ignorance on the subject of Streets Wilson. And that’s fine; it’s probably to my advantage. Anyway, just like David Carradine, you’ll get your final little “pity role” in a real movie, your match against me is your “Kill Bill”. You’ll get to sit there for 7/8ths of the film doing nothing while I carry the match(movie) and then finally, you can have your last few little lines, before I destroy you. Then in a few weeks time when they find your body hanging from the ceiling in lingerie, it will at least make sense to everyone.
Streets Wilson: The problem with all the losers walking around APW is… their stupid. Yeah, they lack in knowledge. They pride themselves on their stupidity. Walking around yelling about their pre-conceived notions of what Streets Wilson is. Well, Streets Wilson doesn’t pre-conceive, he just conceives. Streets Wilson doesn’t guess, and Streets Wilson doesn’t assume. What I’m saying, I KNOW. It’s not enough to run around spewing random bullshit from your mouth that about 75% percent of the time literally doesn’t make any sense. I’m talking to you Shadow. That’s what you do Lively, and that’s what “Shadow” does. You make wild proclamations about things that you supposedly did when no one was looking. Well, Streets Wilson doesn’t have to proclaim to do something… When Streets Wilson does things, people notice by themselves. Just look.
(Streets Wilson makes a waving motion with his hands and 2 men in suits drag a resisting figure into the room with a bag over his head. They make eye contact with Streets and nod, and then proceed to tear the bag off of the prisoners head, revealing him to be … Sylvester Stallone. Or what looks to be Stallone, its hard to tell because he has obviously been beaten physically)
Streets Wilson: Yeah, current movie bad-ass Sly Stallone… Its sad that today’s generation can’t produce a single action star so they actually NEED this man in the movie business
Stallone: Fulck you son ofa bitcsh
(Streets Wilson grabs Sylvester Stallone by the hair and slaps him hard across the mouth with a thunderous smacking sound that mirrors that of a gunshot. Blood begins to pour from the inside of his mouth, making it even harder to understand what he is saying)
Stallone: Mluhva dor wita wata la
(Blood is splattering everywhere as Mr. Stallone is attempting to speak, some of it splatters onto Streets Wilson’s Judo Gi, a piece of attire he is eternally wearing along with his sunglasses, and brass knuckles that spell out the word “Streets”, and are reported to be not made of “brass” at all, but very impractically: pure silver. Streets Wilson angrily makes a signal with his hands and the 2 goons drag Mr. Stallone out of the room)
Streets Wilson: It’s just that simple. Stallone went ahead and offended Streets Wilson. How? He had the final fight scene in the Expendables 2 against Jean Claude Van Damme. This offended me because almost anyone else would have been the better participant in that fight. Stallone offended me in a very slight manner, unbeknownst to him, but it still happened. And like I previously told people, you don’t offend Streets Wilson. I just hope that we didn’t accidently pick up Frank Stallone, I couldn’t really tell from his face since it has been beaten beyond recognition.
Streets Wilson: As for my partner in this upcoming match “Ryan Collins” I don’t really know much about him, I don’t really know much about a lot of people in the APW since I very recently returned, but that will all change very soon. What I do know is that he’ll do just fine. In fact, he won’t have to do very much. After all, his partner is Streets Wilson.
Streets Wilson: You know I forgot where I was ultimately going with all this really, suffice it to say I guess I’ll see Lively and Teddy Pendergrass or whoever the fuck the other guy I’m gonna be kicking the shit out of real soon. I’ll be seeing you guys, and just like this person who we assume is Sylvester Stallone found out, Streets Wilson is not a man you want to be seeing. Especially in the ring.
(Streets Wilson turns and begins to walk towards the exit of his home, before suddenly stopping and turning back)
Streets Wilson: Wait a minute… this is my house… Everyone get the fuck out.
(The camera pans over to the exit door and zooms in on it, before a hand pushes it open and they walk outside to reveal the busy streets of Stamford, Connecticut. Fade to black)
Streets Wilson: Now, I agreed to have the APW production team in my home today, so I don’t have to travel around to do these promos. So please, don’t touch anything while you’re here… those antiques are real. That Greek vase was… well whatever, just don’t touch it.
(The camera screen bobs up and down representing the camera man nodding)
Streets Wilson: Now lets address the business at hand here
Streets Wilson: Fuckin everybody knows I had cancer last week… I was in Stamford smoking copious amounts of weed, hoping it would attack the cancer cells or something, and it worked. You see, Streets Wilson has only the most prestigious and expensive lawyers. My contract only requires 6 in ring appearances a year. I don’t know who that was in the ring dressed like me… It was most likely “assassin” or whoever the fuck. So that’s what you call a victory Shadow? Defeating a man who’s dressed like another man who has cancer? That’s shameful… They need to get some media coverage to shed some light on what kind of sick monster you are sir. I turn my back on you. Don’t even try to talk to me backstage, because I’m the kind of guy who volunteers to help cancer victims, not make fun of them like you do. What do you beat your wife too? Piece of shit.
(Streets Wilson passes the blunt)
Ghetto Joe (accepting the L from Streets and proceeding to inhale the mellow smoke): … Piece of shit indeed holmes
(Streets Wilson is giving a scornful look)
Streets Wilson: And don’t think I’m done with you either you heartless bastard Shadow… I told you last week it’s never over when you fuck with Streets Wilson. You may have beaten up one of your buddies while they were dressed like me, but some people still believe it was me under there: and we just can’t have that now can we? Maybe next time you’re walking out of the grocery store someone breaks your legs from behind with a baseball bat? If you catch my drift…
Ghetto Joe: Yeah, if you catch his drift son
(Streets Wilson brings his own hand up to his forehead)
Streets Wilson: Joe, go prepare our “guest” for later
(Ghetto Joe gives Streets Wilson the blunt before scurrying away into a different section of the house)
Streets Wilson: Yeah, Then how are you gonna get those bags to your car Shadow? With broken legs. Not so smart now are you? Just remember, Streets Wilson has the people behind him. No, not the ones who cheer for people like you and John Cena… I’m talking about the real people. I’m talking about the Detroit fans. The Chigaco fans. The real New York fans. The people that matter. I’m sure you’ll do fine in “Montana” though.
(Ghetto Joe returns to the room)
Ghetto Joe: Everything’s all set boss.
(Streets Wilson nods to Ghetto Joe)
Streets Wilson: Everyone seems to be the exact same character In APW though don’t they? Their loud-mouthed, often violent people who every once in a while say something clever or funny. Oh, and they have a “dark past” too don’t they? Right Lively?
(Streets Wilson snickers to Ghetto Joe, who looks back at him with a facial expression that conveys “They don’t even know”)
Streets Wilson: You don’t even want to know the skeletons I have in my closet
(Streets Wilson walks over to the other side of the room slides back his closet door to reveal several skeletons chaotically draped all over each other in the closet)
Streets Wilson (doing a double take): OH SHIT
(Streets immediately slams the door shut again)
Streets Wilson: Um… don’t try to change the subject here Lively. This isn’t about the non-metaphorical skeletons in Streets Wilson’s closet. This is about you talking shit about Streets Wilson. So lets go over some “facts” because that’s what Streets Wilson is all about
(Streets Wilson folds his hands together and begins to speak)
Streets Wilson: Unfortunately for you, Mr. Miyagi was not a real person; he was a character in the movie Karate Kid… So are you telling me you snuck into some 75 year old actor’s house and murdered him? A man who was told at a very young age by doctors he would never be able to walk? So you snuck into a 75 year old man’s house, a man who had been crippled since the age of around 5 or 6, and a man who was barely able to ever walk, and you murdered this old man in his sleep… I can see you’re proud of this… You know, you and Shadow might actually get along. He also gets some sort of sick pleasure from these deplorable acts as well. And maybe you better recognize, Streets Wilson doesn’t do “Karate”. You’ll get no “Crane kicks” from Streets Wilson… you see because that’s a Karate maneuver… which I don’t do… What Streets Wilson does do though is take care of business. You’re going to find out what the difference between the movies and Streets Wilson is when I hold you down in the middle of that ring and fuck you in the eye.
Streets Wilson: There’s a lot of things your going have to “learn” when you step into that ring Lively. First and foremost is that: nobody cares. Nobody cares what you have to say. Nobody cares what you do. You see- Your not Streets Wilson. That’s right, Streets Wilson is back remember?
Streets Wilson: Like most people you have a very pitiful understanding of what you speak of. You mention silly buzz names like the spinal tuberculosis cripple Mr. Miyagi, or the talentless white man who stole Bruce Lee’s show Kung Fu: David Carradine. Neither of which ever did a single thing worth noting in action cinema. They made children’s movies and programs for the dim-witted white people who weren’t mentally ready for what Streets Wilson does. What’s going to happen to you will not be Americanized so as to not overwhelm and offend you. You’re not gonna get “David Carradined” I’ll pick you up in a fireman’s carry, and run you around the ring non-shalantly while you whine and cry for me to put you down, just like Judo Gene did to Bruce Lee.
Streets Wilson: See Lively, in terms you can understand because the only knowledge you have on what I do comes from movies: Your gonna get Sammo Hung’ed. I’m gonna give you the Donnie Yen treatment. . That is to say, I’m just gonna kick the shit out of you in a violent manner. Your limited cultural and film understanding is rather amusing though, and sort of representative of your entire existence. You stand there saying something you think is clever: when in reality what you’re doing is the equivalent of bringing up McDonalds in a discussion of gourmet foods. You’re a perfect example of what is known as “an idiot”. You’d of been better off making a Jackie Chan reference. At any rate, you, like seemingly most people in the APW, have proven your ignorance on the subject of Streets Wilson. And that’s fine; it’s probably to my advantage. Anyway, just like David Carradine, you’ll get your final little “pity role” in a real movie, your match against me is your “Kill Bill”. You’ll get to sit there for 7/8ths of the film doing nothing while I carry the match(movie) and then finally, you can have your last few little lines, before I destroy you. Then in a few weeks time when they find your body hanging from the ceiling in lingerie, it will at least make sense to everyone.
Streets Wilson: The problem with all the losers walking around APW is… their stupid. Yeah, they lack in knowledge. They pride themselves on their stupidity. Walking around yelling about their pre-conceived notions of what Streets Wilson is. Well, Streets Wilson doesn’t pre-conceive, he just conceives. Streets Wilson doesn’t guess, and Streets Wilson doesn’t assume. What I’m saying, I KNOW. It’s not enough to run around spewing random bullshit from your mouth that about 75% percent of the time literally doesn’t make any sense. I’m talking to you Shadow. That’s what you do Lively, and that’s what “Shadow” does. You make wild proclamations about things that you supposedly did when no one was looking. Well, Streets Wilson doesn’t have to proclaim to do something… When Streets Wilson does things, people notice by themselves. Just look.
(Streets Wilson makes a waving motion with his hands and 2 men in suits drag a resisting figure into the room with a bag over his head. They make eye contact with Streets and nod, and then proceed to tear the bag off of the prisoners head, revealing him to be … Sylvester Stallone. Or what looks to be Stallone, its hard to tell because he has obviously been beaten physically)
Streets Wilson: Yeah, current movie bad-ass Sly Stallone… Its sad that today’s generation can’t produce a single action star so they actually NEED this man in the movie business
Stallone: Fulck you son ofa bitcsh
(Streets Wilson grabs Sylvester Stallone by the hair and slaps him hard across the mouth with a thunderous smacking sound that mirrors that of a gunshot. Blood begins to pour from the inside of his mouth, making it even harder to understand what he is saying)
Stallone: Mluhva dor wita wata la
(Blood is splattering everywhere as Mr. Stallone is attempting to speak, some of it splatters onto Streets Wilson’s Judo Gi, a piece of attire he is eternally wearing along with his sunglasses, and brass knuckles that spell out the word “Streets”, and are reported to be not made of “brass” at all, but very impractically: pure silver. Streets Wilson angrily makes a signal with his hands and the 2 goons drag Mr. Stallone out of the room)
Streets Wilson: It’s just that simple. Stallone went ahead and offended Streets Wilson. How? He had the final fight scene in the Expendables 2 against Jean Claude Van Damme. This offended me because almost anyone else would have been the better participant in that fight. Stallone offended me in a very slight manner, unbeknownst to him, but it still happened. And like I previously told people, you don’t offend Streets Wilson. I just hope that we didn’t accidently pick up Frank Stallone, I couldn’t really tell from his face since it has been beaten beyond recognition.
Streets Wilson: As for my partner in this upcoming match “Ryan Collins” I don’t really know much about him, I don’t really know much about a lot of people in the APW since I very recently returned, but that will all change very soon. What I do know is that he’ll do just fine. In fact, he won’t have to do very much. After all, his partner is Streets Wilson.
Streets Wilson: You know I forgot where I was ultimately going with all this really, suffice it to say I guess I’ll see Lively and Teddy Pendergrass or whoever the fuck the other guy I’m gonna be kicking the shit out of real soon. I’ll be seeing you guys, and just like this person who we assume is Sylvester Stallone found out, Streets Wilson is not a man you want to be seeing. Especially in the ring.
(Streets Wilson turns and begins to walk towards the exit of his home, before suddenly stopping and turning back)
Streets Wilson: Wait a minute… this is my house… Everyone get the fuck out.
(The camera pans over to the exit door and zooms in on it, before a hand pushes it open and they walk outside to reveal the busy streets of Stamford, Connecticut. Fade to black)
