Post by Shadow on Sept 16, 2012 19:37:44 GMT -4
I looked at this week’s line up and had to do a double take. I was a little sad, I won’t lie; because as everyone knows, Johnny Diamond has a continuing trend. Every week, he raises the bar a little bit at a time. The goal is to weed out the talent that doesn’t belong on Meltdown. Johnny Diamond understands something: true potential is limitless. So when I saw my opponents this week, I worried he’d hit a plateau. But then my heart was uplifted, it was a steel cage match.
I like steel cage matches. Hell I like just about any kind of match. But steel cage matches are a little different. A steel cage match is one of the most confining matches in existence. Regular over the top rope is not so bad, because launching poor hapless som-bitch up and over isn’t too hard. Steel Cage matches, no one is going anywhere. Hell in a Cell has a similar premise but escaping the cell is not match ending. So why does that please a Sasquatch like I; because I truly pity the appetizer and main course tossed into the lion’s den for dinner.
So which of you it the bitch and who is the butch? It’s hard to tell honestly. You’d think with the way you both look it would be damn obvious, but lo and behold Krunk beat Salieri last week. That was pretty funny too. Watching him choke like that, I mean. Did anyone else see it as a Déjà vu moment? I could have sworn I did the same thing to Salieri earlier that night. Wait that wasn’t my opponent’s name. What was his name again? Eh who cares?
Steel Cage match, I could definitely have some fun rocking the Diamond Standard on that one. Last cage match we had was alright, I wasn’t in it and that meant something was left out. I’m not the shooting star of Meltdown. I don’t think I’m hot shit and that everyone is beneath me. I’m not Michael Lively. No I am just the biggest, meanest and most ruthless monster to ever set foot in APW. You lock THAT in a cage? Only way to go is either up or down boys. Don’t think I won’t try sending yall right and left. And if by some miracle God allows me to launch one of you through the cage and make you win the match, just remember: I predicted that. I’ll make my next vision come true too: Me still going to One Night in Hell to finally shut that pompous ass Michael Lively up once and for all.
So who, after realizing you’re about to be locked inside a cage and metaphorically lowered into an active volcano, still wants to be in this match? Don’t all raise your hands at once. Wow, I bet you both did. Well they say this new generation is a little slower than we were. Sorry to all my fans out there, it’s just what I read in the inflight magazine. Don’t get upset with me, I think we should make the stereotypical examples of new age rejects pay for causing this. Krunk and Streets, I mean Salieri.
That was his name, Streets Wilson, from the mean streets of Ave Q. Wow I never thought I would get so bored with brutalizing some bum that I would totally forget their name. What’s worse is I can’t decide if that’s a compliment or insult. Streets, if wrestling you made me look like crap in anyway, Ha! What am I saying, Streets I couldn’t look like crap compared to you. I left your ass a broken pile in the center of the ring before I finally put you out of your misery.
Things like that do not bode well for my opponents this week. You go back and look at any one of my matches since coming to Meltdown. Tell me if you see a poor performance in any match. I never set foot in that ring without knowing I will give it my all. That’s why Johnny Diamond selects me for the most interesting matches Meltdown schedules. He sees that every time I drive my fist into another new superstar, I mold APW’s future for the better a little more. Do I think either one of you has any promise; maybe. Step in the cage tonight and find out.
Respect in this business is earned, and I will forewarn you both, neither of you have mine. Krunk almost had it. Then I saw he had a nickname for himself. Maybe his bio is outdated but he should clarify the name “The Darkened Future.” All those cool matches, win or loss and you piss me off with a nickname that either A: Intrudes on my Franchise Territory or B is frankly a little racist and sir I do not tolerate that! And I’m a Texan saying that!
You are not me, Krunk. If you really want to be the next big dog you better start eating your Wheaties, son. Last guy who tried to pull that gimmick was Yarmouth and he was bigger than you. That didn’t slow me down one bit. I beat his ass so bad he got shipped off to the insane Asylum. He and couple other test subjects got involuntary nominated for some unnecessary brain surgery and haven’t done a damn things with themselves ever since.
That’s one of the downsides to being locked inside a steel cage with me. Oh, if you’re not paying attention, we’re subliminally making a pros and cons list about being booked in this match, boys. The cons: You’re facing me in the ring, locked inside a steel cage; throw in a metaphorical lion. The pros: Chance I might toss one of you through the cage, possible commitment to Asylum.
I’m not talking shit about another show. It’s just a metaphor. But I bleed Meltdown. Why do you think I’m not pursuing an Xtreme Title Rematch? I loved coming back and manhandling both Michaels: Lively and Salieri- I mean Streets Wilson! Damn. Those two are confusing. Maybe if one of them had won last week I could distinguish them. It just shows how interchangeable they are. That’s a bad quality in this business. Salieri want to become the next North American Chance, he thinks he is riding the express to the top of APW by winning that belt, what does that make him? Sounds like Streets Wilson to me.
And what’s Krunk say about himself? I know he opened his mouth, do I really care what he said; Hell no! Because I guess what Streets would say I know what Krunk will say. Shadow’s a joke, just a big dumb moose with now talent, yadda-yadda. Why are all these kids recycling the same tasteless jokes like Jay Leno? Can’t somebody come up with something original and funny?
I want a challenge, if I have to go after Michael Lively to get it, fine. If either of you pasty face pansies think you can summon the testicular fortitude to stand against me I welcome it. Sadly, I’m going to be too busy coming up with original ways to fuse your faces to the cage wall. If I get a chuckle or two out of the facial expressions, sweet.
So Let’s looks at Krunk. Let’s really look at the “Anti-Hero” what does that even mean? Can I speak in a language you might not understand? You want to be the tragic Byronic Hero, that’s what I take from your other nickname. Byronic Heroes were bad guys who were made out to be the martyrs. Either way thewy never accomplished their goals because they were doomed to fail. I guess that name suits you pretty well there. Want to hear something else? Byronic Heroes were often bisexual or gay. Now I don’t feel so comfortable getting in the ring with you. You may think a scoop slam is part of some cave man marriage tradition and go all sex nuts and retard strong.
As for Stre-Damn it! Whatever the other guy’s name is, what makes him think he belongs at the top of APW? People who roll in here with that attitude find the door a lot faster than the rest. One loss that screws up your whole plan, and you’ll bail. So that’s what you have to look forward to tonight. You certainly are not the future of APW. Neither is your buddy Krunk. Maybe if you grew up and got adult names you might make an impact here. I don’t have to change my name I already make an impact. So shut the hell up before you open your damn mouths.
Are either of you imaging the cage being lowered, right now? To me I see it as a lid being lowered on your coffins. I know that’s pretty overly dramatic, but that just shows how little you know me. Just like Krunk did when he spouted off this week. I’m not talking trash about what he said, I’m talking smack about him. You’d think he would have the damn sense to really look at who he was facing. Instead he does the same thing every other virgin has, just glanced over the file, no real research and expect to coast through with a smile and a smoke. Not on my show sunshine.
Cause I am the true embodiment of darkness, Krunk. That’s a road no man claims to walk down but me. Since you shot your mouth off, I get to introduce you to my historic route “666.” It’s a long and winding back road that takes you through some of the most twisted matches in all of history. It’s like watching the Saw saga, just without all the constant nonsensical killing.
If my words are too advanced for you, too bad; you damn kids need to read a book now days. Maybe if you cracked a book in class every once in a while I might not have to crack your skulls wide open this week with either my boot or the cage. But why am I wasting my breath, it’s not like anyone every listens to me. I should just clam up and let the monster do the talking. Sadly, when he’s done they forgot how to talk, or are too afraid to, one or the other.
This leaves me in a Catch 22. So I’ll take the fun option, kicking your asses and getting paid to do so. Sure beats the alternative, looking like a chump on live television. Salieri is used to this. I am not. Krunk you’ll become accustomed to it soon enough. And what’s funny is Salieri thinks he’s been “on a roll.” He beat Dante. Big deal. Who hasn’t? I let loose on Dante ONE time and the boy was never the same again. He just wasn’t there anymore. Then look what you got next: Michael Lively, after I tore his ass up in the ring the previous week. You’ve been playing with my leftovers. You’re the main course.
Krunk is the appetizer, which is something to say that I think so little of him. It’s because he ran his mouth like he did. Someone that stupid should get a little mercy. And don’t mistake mercy for weakness. I have no weakness. I’m the wall, Krunk. You can’t climb that high. The thing I love most about my job, stopping someone like you dead in your tracks. Don’t mention Slade to me. He doesn’t have a damn thing to do with Meltdown. I separated myself from Craven professionally a while ago. I am not a tag wrestler, I’m a singles Megastar. My career speaks for itself. A rookie like you could never hope to achieve a status as equal as mine in your career. Tonight you will witness why I set the Diamond Standard. Tomorrow you’ll weep at your inadequacy.
You manning up Krunk? How about you Street- Damn it!!
Here’s how I’ll fix this. Salieri, tonight I will forever imprint my footprint on your face. That’s what your last name means in Italian, right? Or does it mean Salad? You leafy vegetarian fuck. I apologize, that’s just me making accusations. Then again, with you losing to a bitch like Krunk last week, being a pussy vegetarian would make a lot of sense. You sir need to man up right now or hand over your man card. Maybe after I’m done emasculating you tonight we’ll start calling you Michael Ballerina. You could even find a tutu like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura. You kind of look like that goofy bastard what with the stupid hair and all.
Krunk, I am so sick of saying your damn name. You Stereotypical sack of crap, why don’t I just call you Germ. That’s what you are you little parasite. You can’t even be called Jeremy because no one in their right mind spells Jeremy with a “G.” You’re all alone on the short bus back in in 1950. That’s what your name represents. I can’t believe someone like you would hold your race back like that. I’m going to kick your ass until you decide to change your name to something more dignified. You’re disgraceful.
This is the best Meltdown has to offer Michael Lively. That is not a question, that’s a statement. I guess it’s a good thing Johnny Diamond threw the pit bull into the cock fight. Whoa, when referring to those two the c-“beep” is not the right word. No those two little twats could never be c-“beep.”
Nevertheless he decided to make me Russell Crowe and have me entertain the mob. That’s what I do best. He should have made this a Handicap Match. That way if they both won they both could face Lively again and see if Germ’s win was just a fluke. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that at all. I know that Lively sucks. Plus I softened him up for you two. If Germ hadn’t won that match I wouldn’t even bothered with a promo talking about you two pathetic pansies. Ballerina is lucky I even know who he is. Not like I expect much out of him. He hasn’t accomplished anything since he got here, and I highly doubt he ever will.
In fact, I see Ballerina being the next bitch I bounce out of APW. Germ may soon follow too. A lot of people don’t like how rough I am in the ring. Wrestling a tough business, boys. Why should it start easy? It was only a matter of time before your numbers came up. Everyone draws the short straw every now and then. The choice you have to make after this match is over is, do you still have the heart left to keep wrestling here.
If either of you want to earn my respect, you’ll make the right choice. Because right now you both don’t deserve to be called Megastars. You’re just green rookies getting the “chance of a lifetime” dangled in front of you. Like I said before I’m the wall. You can’t climb me.
While Ballerina could argue Dante succeeded. He didn’t win the overall Beat the Clock Challenge. And the same could go for Carmen Rivera. She got one over. I’ve won shots at the Tag, Overdrive and Xtreme titles before but not the North American. I just can’t secure my shot for the N.A. belt. Oh woe is me. Phhhbt. I’ve been patient. I knew I would get my chance soon enough. I’ll unseat another paper champion like Lively. And I will tear through Germ and Ballerina to do it. I’ll rip my way right out of that cage if I have to. Lively has never been safe. I am coming for him. The Shadow-hour draws near Michael, every moment that ticks by, you drift closer and closer toward the gate of hell. Only you won’t just be spending one night there. I plan to leave your ass there.
Come One Night in Hell Shadow will send the heartless sham Michael Lively hurling into damnation as an example. I will make an example for everyone to associate with. If you ever think you are too good, I will come and kick the pedestal from beneath you. Make no mistake, Lively will fall.
Germ and Ballerina, they can lie to themselves all the like it makes no difference to me. They can say whatever helps them sleep at night. Tonight, when Johnny Diamond lifts what remains of the twisted hunk of steel off the ring only one man will stand victorious. My wrath will be wrought upon those in my ring. People like Germ and Ballerina need to learn their place in this business. They need to earn their tickets. Tonight they face their greatest obstacle. I wonder if they can overcome it.
I really don’t wonder. Hell I don’t think too much of it at all. I just look forward to kicking all your teeth out one at a time. Doesn’t matter who I start with. You both will be ordering dentures when it’s over. Just keep listening to time slipping away. You can hear it, like the blood pounding in your ears. Don’t be afraid, it’s all part of the natural order. Only the strongest survive in this world, too bad neither of you look tough at all. I guess I’ll just have to resort to sending you boys on a one way trip to the unemployment office. Don’t worry, I will make this quick, and painful.
