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Post by biggs on Sept 20, 2012 0:24:32 GMT -4
Hey guys, I normally don't ask for feedback on my RPs, considering I'm a GM and all, but I would really like some constructive feedback on my latest RP if anyone has the time or desire. I feel like I'm stuck in a certain groove with my RPs, and maybe a fresh set of eyes, or several sets, can help me out. I will gladly repay the favor. apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=odrp2012&action=display&thread=12041Thanks in advance.  |
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Post by T-Marv on Sept 21, 2012 9:58:12 GMT -4
Feedback coming soon:
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Post by Kurt on Oct 1, 2012 22:10:13 GMT -4
I'm gonna use your topic to rant; I apologize in advance.
Biggs is a guy that's been here longer than almost every one of us, runs Asylum quite smoothly, still participates on Overdrive, and is really a nice guy; he's never asked me for a single thing in the year I've been here. He's actually covered my ass once or twice when I wasn't able to do a match I said I would do. He asks for a little bit of help on his RPs, and gets shunned (I do appreciate seeing Marvin's attempt though). It makes me sad.
I can't rag on people for not giving my feedback - my recent feedback record for shows is atrocious. I can wag my finger at people though that see this topic and think "Oh, there's nothing I can say about his RPs."
It's bullshit.
Biggs, you have my word that you'll have a full review from me within 48 hours; if you don't, I'm writing a match every single Asylum for the rest of the year, guaranteed. Again, sorry for ranting and using language you're not fond of...it just makes me mad to see things like this happen over and over again.
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Post by Jason Cashe on Oct 1, 2012 22:12:46 GMT -4
You could write one anyways? A match for Asylum that is...I'd give him feedback but who am I to feedback Biggs? Just doesn't make much sense there.
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Post by Kurt on Oct 1, 2012 22:19:53 GMT -4
You could write one anyways? A match for Asylum that is...I'd give him feedback but who am I to feedback Biggs? Just doesn't make much sense there.I don't mean to pick on you bud, but this is exactly the kind of stuff I'm ranting about. Feedback is just an opinion; it's what you think of their work. The problem with one person saying "Oh, who am I to critique you?" is that you're putting other people above criticism, which none of us are. Every one of us can improve, and that comes from our peers. You won RP of the Year last year; you're Asylum's poster-child. You know how to RP, and have a totally different perspective here than anyone else. I really appreciate when you've given feedback to people before, and I notice it...I just don't think it's fair to Biggs to basically be shunned because people make the assumption they can't help him. |
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Post by Jason Cashe on Oct 1, 2012 22:22:34 GMT -4
I give alot of feedback, I just usually do it via PMs. Ask Yarmouth, Krunk, and a few others. But you're right that everyone can grow. I never looked at it that way. No wonder you're so awesome, such a thinker!
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Post by Kurt on Oct 1, 2012 22:27:21 GMT -4
I give alot of feedback, I just usually do it via PMs. Ask Yarmouth, Krunk, and a few others. But you're right that everyone can grow. I never looked at it that way. No wonder you're so awesome, such a thinker! Don't worry, I'm not chiding you for your amount of feedback; I think you're one of the most active guys on this board, and I know everyone here appreciates that. It's just important for all of us to remember that everyone deserves feedback if they put in the work! Anyway, ranting over, ha! |
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Post by The Soul Of Philly on Oct 1, 2012 22:34:23 GMT -4
I'm slacking and I made it a point to do this over the weekend and I didn't I was going to do a full feedback weekend. Normally I'm good with this. I too am making a 48 hours deadline for my own feedback, if I don't, well, you get to have the space known as my signature for a MONTH
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Post by Reaver on Oct 1, 2012 22:51:49 GMT -4
i didnt even see this thread....ill give u better feed back tomorrow.....
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Post by T-Marv on Oct 1, 2012 23:10:49 GMT -4
I really did mean to get back to this, And then the match was made for this week.
I tried, but I have a hard time critiquing my opponents while we're opponents, even if it's previous work. It's just a mental block
I do apologize for not getting back to it though. No slight was intended, I promise you this Biggs.
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Post by SalTal on Oct 2, 2012 10:21:53 GMT -4
Yeah! You all suck!
No, seriously.
I had nothing to say of substance after reading the promo. Seriously, if someone can find something wrong with it they will be better at giving an idea.
If we're going with opinion, Biggs knows how much I love his promos. He always tells the story so much better than most people can. If I faulted you, Biggs, for anything, it's that your language isn't hard-hitting enough for a heel. I mean, it cuts but it doesn't cut deep. But that's your personal preference and I respect that.
Story is engaging, perfect writing style, and genuine dialogue. Good mix of cation and talking. Doesn't stray from any aspect of the storyline for long nough that I was given a chance to find any faults.
Go Biggs! You're still better than 90% of APW, just like you've always been as long as I've known you. People could learn much just from reading a PPV arc of your promos.
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Post by Reaver on Oct 2, 2012 16:46:49 GMT -4
HOLY SHIT!!! there's a reason u r who u r. and u really expected me to compete on ur lvl? LOL i thought kurt had it SICK with the Extreme tournament against MDK but this rp has that same lvl here in APW. how could i critique this? the fact is, u really sold the hell out of this match, and out of the situations. i take full credit for recommending this match :-p bigg is heel rite? if there was anything to critique then it would be the trash talk portion of the rp. it seems a lil too "super villian"-ish if that makes sense? im reading it thinking that u had a cat on ur lap petting it. i would say, be less evil but more prick-ish if that makes sense? screw the proper edicate (to an extent) and rip him a new one. maybe thats just cuz i love trash talk in rp's? during this, its almost like its over selling? loved it tho, and hope to reach this lvl of rping someday. this is just my opinion and hope im not hurt cuz of it MOMMY DONT HURT ME!!!! :-p |
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Post by Evan De Parker on Oct 2, 2012 22:08:17 GMT -4
I LOVE YOU, BIGGS. I need to crank out this Envi RP and I still owe the Overdrive thread some feedback too, but I promise from the bottom of my heart to provide feedback within the next day.
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Post by Kurt on Oct 3, 2012 11:22:07 GMT -4
As promised:
"First Contact With Amy Noble" Critique
What's instantly distinct about tour style of RPing in APW is that most writers here write in third person; you write in first. We get a little more introspective look at Biggs, which is accented because Biggs isn't a full-blown, "I'm gonna hurt you" heel; he's a real guy with real flaws. The only thing I would suggest to change here is maybe add a bit pf physicality to Biggs's reflections. There's a lot of summary, which absolutely occurs when in first person, but be sure to add some real world details to make it more concrete. Like, in the section where Biggs is talking about remembering training Ellie, Biggs watching Amy warm-up might be a nice segue for that comparison. The more concrete details you can link to your ideas, the better you are (you do this well with the scar on Amy's forehead). I think you sell Amy's reluctance and awkwardness in this situation really well. It plays off the entire scenario very well, and gives me the sense you've read my work before...which always adds a nice touch. Really like the mid-thought revelation that Biggs is doing this to get a competitive advantage over Noble. Nice internal struggle here. Just remember if you have multiple characters in a scene, not to let one dominate the scene too much; I understand Biggs needs to be the center-piece, but Stan kinda of drops off the map and Amy's lines are mainly reactionary. Really good opening scene that sells the match and everyone's conflicts! I've always liked your monologues because they still capture a bit of the heelish charm without straying into vulgar/psychotic territory. Good selling of the history between the two, as well as making multiple points about Noble slipping through the cracks. Your monologues are informed, which definitely sells the match for both of us. As I told you via PM, I'm very fond of this RP. It's incredibly relevant, gives a nice peek into the psyche of Biggs, and sells pretty much everything going for it. The problems I listed are minor; you know how to write, and I think the more humane side of Biggs shining through is going to give you the boost you're asking for. Great job bud! |
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Post by The Soul Of Philly on Oct 3, 2012 18:00:06 GMT -4
I just got home, I'm going to eat something real quick and then its go time!
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Post by Jason Cashe on Oct 3, 2012 20:27:15 GMT -4
You know who else likes Biggs rp? MY MOOOMMMMM!
(Regular Show, WHUT-UP!)
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Post by The Soul Of Philly on Oct 3, 2012 22:04:11 GMT -4
- I love the description in your narration. I normally can make a scene out of the littlest of description, but your's is so vivid. I get where you guys are in the gym. I see it. I love it.
- I'm going to disagree with Kurt about the secondary characters bit. I tend to have TJ's childhood friends in my promos often and when they are, they are just secondary characters, they don't get overshadowed because they aren't the primary characters. In the first scene Amy and Biggs is the focus of the scene and thats where it should, and did stay. I would have maybe thrown some Stan lines towards the end, maybe try to make light of the situation, (I get that kind of vibe from Stan)
- I loved the realization that Biggs' original plan comes back to mind and he feels regret for it. All it took was for him to realize that he was in the same boat as her, left by the one they love. Nice chain of logic.
- As far as teh first half of the RP goes, there's not much to say as far as constructive criticism goes. Like I said, maybe throw in more Stan lines to break it up a bit. One thing though, maybe gone further into the training before he remembers why she's there.
- As for the monologue half of the promo, stellar work. Highlights:
- I enjoyed the comparisons to your situation and Kurt's. While similar, they are very different and you stated them and stated them well to prove that you are a better principled man than Kurt.
- I enjoyed the bit that if Ellie is tagged in you won't do a damn thing not because she's a woman, but because you can't, out of love. And I like makes Biggs different from other heels aside from the fact he's not sinister or brutish. He's just a guy who does things that people don't like, but at the end of the day, he's still a guy.
- Your rant on Kurt Coward was great why? Because you've justified that you're a better man than Kurt, which is what a heel should be, convinced that his side is right, and will find ways to support it. You twisted what happened against Kurt perfectly and you were the perfect person to do it because, unlike T-Marv, L1, Gates, Deli, or any other heels on Overdrive, you know more about what's going on in Kurt's mind than any of them because you are in the same boat as him, but on different ends.
- I love the shot at the fans in the end for putting him and Amy through the trouble of the match and the effects it has. Making you and Amy the victims out of this, and while maybe Biggs' case is valid, Amy's is not.
Side bar, I find the women in this failing relationship quite funny. One is a stereotype of women: rash, illogical behavior and thought process (You don't pay attention to me so I'll make you more focused on what you're already more focused on than me and that'll make you see) while the other is rational, understanding that they were not having a successful marriage. And that's what makes these stories special
Final thought: It was a great promo not in hyping the match but painting your, and Amy's, side of the angle. Both of you are in the wrong in my eyes, Amy for the previous stated reason and Biggs for not understanding what Ellie said. You painted your team's side as the victim and you did it very well. You don't write out of the box in the sense that all sides of your arguments have backing to them. That's a problem I see alot from people who write as heels, they're arguments have no backing to them. It doesn't matter if it's wrong, but if you don't give an invalid argument enough validity, it's not going to hold up and therefore, won't be as good as it could me. You're argument that you and Amy are the victims is backed with enough twisted information that it holds up. Great work Biggs
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Post by biggs on Oct 7, 2012 21:40:23 GMT -4
Thanks guys! Since I have the week before One Night in Hell off, I could offer you guys feedback on either your next show's RP, or your first PPV Rps, if they're posted before friday. |
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Post by Lord Raab on Oct 14, 2012 11:40:02 GMT -4
I may not be the one to give good feedback like others can but I will try.
I really like the whole thing about what it seems like taking Amy Noble away from Kurt and that she feels that Kurt isn't giving him the love she deserves. Made a lot of good points about Kurt not being a man on sticking beside her and how Biggs gives her more respect than Kurt does. I think that got into Kurt's head a little bit with that.
I really do find the bit where Biggs said Kurt coward even I didn't think of that when I wrote my tag RP against him since he seems to be quite scared on facing against Biggs more with the championship title on the line at One Night In Hell.
The only thing I didn't really like was it was kind of more focused on what you going to do to him at the Elimination Chamber match rather than the actual tag match itself. In general it's a really good RP.
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