RAVE REVIEWS: Asylum 9/23

[Rave Maddox / Vincent Simon]

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Rave Reviews and I will be your host Rave Maddux. After my first VERY successful column written about last weeks Overdrive, I was emplored, begged, pleaded with to do an Asylum review by a certain member of the Asylum Roster who shall remain nameless….

cough
KNUCKLES
cough

So without further ado…. Here is your Asylum Review! Enjoy.

Asylum – Quezon City, Philippines (09/23/2012)

Okay, first thing I noticed was that the chicks in the crowd here are WAY hotter more consistently than the Finnish crowd. Unfortunately I can’t tell if they’re 35 or 14…. And yes, it does matter.

The other thing I noticed about Asylum that is vastly different from Overdrive is the segments. Sure, Asylum has a few and they’re great, don’t get me wrong. But It seems like they’re shorter and more focused. Asylum focuses more on the wrestling aspect and not the entertainment like overdrive.

Opening Segment

The King of the Asylum Reginald Schmidt is already out there and ready to go. As is the beautiful Bambi, I’d love have a hardcore match or two with her if you know what I mean. And she’s not just brainless tits and ass either, as her recent invention is quite brilliant. She proposes a Japanese Death Match Battle Royal! My god, I’m turned on right now and I don’t know if it’s her or the match.

And here comes the cure for my eminent boner! Knuckles the perennial disappointment on Asylum comes out to take a spot in the last bit of refuge he has….hardcore, put your body through hell, wrestling. I loved seeing Knuckles be the first man to toss his name in the hat. Perhaps big things are coming for this guy.

Great opener. Short sweet and too the point. It got the fans excited and got Knuckles noticed! LOVE IT!

All of a sudden I want chocolate


Segment #2

My wrestling Representative has a message for the World Champion, one that Bailey should definitely take to heart. Callahan always comes off as such a nice guy as he’s trying to weasel into your brain. I guess that’s what makes him a GREAT politician.

Callahan tries to get into Bailey’s head here by running down Sally Talfourd. And really, who has more knowledge about Talfourd than Callahan?

Great segment between these two. It showcased Callahan’s ability to dig into somebody’s head as well as Bailey’s ability to block out all the noise around him! There is more in store for Bailey and Michael I do believe!

Segment #3

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I think my German is extremely rusty. Raab said Noble-Hart just got lucky? What fucking match was he watching?

Is it just me or is Raab running down any and every person on the APW roster these days? There’s this little thing called delusions of grandure…perhaps you should look it up Mr. Raab.

Also, how come he was so supportive of Yarmouth here, then days later was bad mouthing him all over the place? Something just doesn’t make sense.

Opening Match

Wait, this is the opening Match? Did they do this show in reverse? The entirety of the Extreme Elimination Chamber Match is in that ring tonight and it’s a clusterfuck of epic proportions! Don’t get me wrong, it was an AMAZING match. It’s just that my tiny brain can’t follow such high paced action.

Atken is a devious and sneaksy individual. Love that he’s just letting one of his biggest competitors at One Night in Hell get the living shit beat out of her. But Sally is resourceful and forces Rebel and Callahan to make mistakes giving her a chance to take control. The two on one attack, make that three on one attack, here definitely gets folks wondering…where the fuck is Bailey?

Shane’s hving some fun. Rebel’s having some fun. Callahan’s having some fun. You’d think that Sally wouldn’t mind being triple team by these guys, but alas this is wrestling not porn.

FINALLY Bailey is down to the ring to make the save! I guess superman finally found his cape. The real match begins and it’s one hell of a spectical. Atken is amazing in this match, using his head instead of his body, allowing everyone else to do his work.

Big win for the Rebel, Callahan, Borderland team and a great match. I can’t wait till October 28…that will certainly be something.
 
Segment #4[/u]

Gee, Yarmouth is in a nasty mood isn’t he? At least he keeps his confidence up. Must be those self help books. Either that or it’s the new craze of calling every loss a “lucky victory” by the other person. Here’s a hint Yarmouth….If you lose every time you step into the ring, it’s not luck….it’s skill. Or lack there of.

I actually liked this segment. Unlike Raabs it had more substance than “I’m going to crush everything.” Leave that stuff to Dolph “I must Break Him” Lundgren. I’m happy that Yarmouth keeps getting thes eopportunities…I just want him to cash in one day.

Match #2[/u]

I’m loving this new Jason Kash Attitude. Is the season of J.A.S.O.N finally taking a turn for the better?

Grreat match with lots of back and forth. In a match that you would think Jason dominate, it’s good to see Raab earn his keep a bit.

I love the fact that Kash has become somewhat of a “champion” or “spokesperson” for Asylum. He does what he can to keep it from being overshadowed by Overdrive.


Segment #5[/u]

FINALLY we get some sort of answer about Shane’s reemergence into Asylum. Perhaps a little late, but who cares. Shane is definitely the wildcard on Asylum right now. He’s thrown the show into a bit of a whirlwind and things have never been more interesting.

Segment #6[/u]

YES KNUCKLES WINS THE CHAMPIONSHIP! I’m not surprised that Knuckles’ skills at playing with toys are head and shoulders better than his actually wrestling talents.

Finally Jules comes in as the voice of reason and fact. He lays it all on the table and tells Knuckles exactly how it is. Jules trying to buy a victory makes more sense than anything I’ve seen on APW lately. It fits perfectly and the whole bit was comical from start to finish.

Love the end with the HEHAW and Knuckles basically throwing what would amount to his life savings into Jules’ face.

THIS is how you hype a match. These two have no storyline going on, no big feud….just one match tonight. Without this, people would only be semi interested in the match. But with this segment’s inclusion….I’m pumped up for it. I’m on the edge of my fucking seat and I want it to happen NOW!

Segment #7[/u]

A MR. DANGEROUS SEGMENT! Excuse me whilst I mark out…….

I’m better. Okay, I love that Kash is getting Dangerous more involved. I can’t wait for this match of theres….

Match #3[/u]

Here we go…. Big powerful motherfucker vs. Big Powerful motherfucker.

I love the battle of strength by these two mammoths. You don’t see that much anymore, it was refreshing.

This was a great smashmouth battle with TJ getting the upper hand showing that in the end it’s awareness and agility that gets the job done.

Good showing from Yarmouth, but he needs a little something to push him over the edge!

Jules keeping up with the past few weeks going with more attacks to the ankle of TJ. This man has a tolerance for pain that is just mind boggling. I tapped out 4 times and I’m not even in the match.

Match #4[/u]

Jules and Knuckles was a surprisingly good match. These two had great chemistry in the ring and put on one entertaining show. The ending was what it was. This ref is annoying as hell. SO the punch hit him by accident? That result was so biased it wasn’t funny.

Jules’ plan at the end backfired until that ridiculous sluge of a human being Hoskins turned this into a handicapped beat down. Luckily TJ was out for the save.


Match #5 – MAIN EVENT[/u]

Here you have two men in Jair and Sykes who deserve to go for the Suicidal championship. This match was amazing, showcasing both men’s strengths. They gave their all for this match and it was a nail bitter all the way through.

Ladder matches are usually overused and never live up to the hype. This one did. The latter was used perfectly and it didn’t turn into a crazy spot fest until It was absolutely necessary. Great performance by these two men.

Unfortunately it was ruined by Jason Kash. As much as I love his new attitude, he’s a bit of a bitch right now! He just can’t STAND the thought of someone being worthy of his belt! He’s acting like a spoiled brat taking his ball and going home!

Post Match[/u]

Uh-Oh… Kash is about to get punished…..

Or not. It seems that Reginald gave him exactly what he wanted. I don’t get it!

Final Segment[/u]

GREATEST SEGMENT OF ASYLUM IN MONTHS! That’s certainly saying something. I love the dynamic that Bailey and Sally have going on. It’s perfect.

But what’s more perfect is the mind fuck that Borderland just laid on the both of them. Even with Reginald’s Security, which turned out to be the downfall, Borderland made his presence known.

He let EVERYONE know that this wasn’t a two horse race, that he was in it for the grand prize!

This was the moment when Shane Borderland ARRIVED!




Five Memorable Moments

Borderland’s Demolishing of Sally and Bailey
TJ and Knuckles giving Jules what for.
Bambi’s announcement to start the show
That clusterfuck of an opening match.
Anything Callahan Does.

BASTARD of the night

Jason Kash for ruining a GREAT ladder match


MATCH OF THE NIGHT

The Main Event Ladder Match
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[Reaver]

well sir, i have been proven wrong and u def. r who u say u r :-p

match hype is wat im all about and jules was just another guy that is fun with a slew of good ideas to work with. excellent details my friend

[Lord Raab]

But that's how I play Stefan about him running his mouth at every single wrestler in APW that's the thing. There is going to be a big clue with why he ran his mouth at Yarmouth the other day in this week's Asylum and the clue is kind of there in the news thread. I know the segment is bad and that's the reason why I barely do interview segments cos I struggle so bad with them. That's all I have to say really.

[Rave Maddox / Vincent Simon]

JUst a minder Stefan... this is all in character, not to be taken as an insult.

[Jason Cashe]

That playing with action figures line...FUNNY SHIT!

[SalTal]

Awesome review! Made even better by the fact that it's Asylum and not the filler that you say OverDrive is

These should be compulsory reading for the segment and match writers of the show. Given that it's someone removed from it all, the fresh perspective can give us all an idea about what we're doing right and wrong. If Rave is left wondering questions that indicate something is problematic or unclear then there's something to be improved. If he's left wondering questions that makes him sound like he wants answers in the next show, you've got Rave hooked.

This is an invaluable service! Well done!